Ponyfinder gone wrong...

“Any minute now…” A man wearing a dark blue cloak mused as he waited for his guests to arrive, a table with a board and blank character sheets laid out on it floating in the void behind him.

“Sorry, am I late? Had to pick up my sis from school.” Said a guy in his early twenties as he entered the room, scratching at the back of his head and setting his laptop bag on the table. He was dressed in blue jeans and a navy blue hoodie, both of which were still emitting black mist from his method of entrance. He had light brown skin and dark hair, a pair of glasses sat on the bridge of his nose.

“Since you're the first one here… and were picking up your sister, I won't fault you.” The man sighed as he slumped into a chair that materialized behind him.

“Thanks man.” The guy replied, slumping into his own chair.

“You know, I think I’ll speed things up a little.” The man then said mischievously before clapping his hands together three times, causing a rift to open in the air in front of him and making one of the other guests drop in… literally.

“Well, that was lucky,” a young man with long black hair and violet eyes spoke up from his place on the floor. At first there was nothing spectacular about the kid asides from the smoking leather jacket missing a sleeve… until he stood up and revealed two pairs of wings, one feathered, the other reptilian, and a feathered serpentine tail. “Sorry about being late, I got caught in… traffic.”

“Hey guys! I brought the cheese puffs!” A voice shouted after the sound of a door breaking. “Hey guys, where’s the fritos...!?” A man, a white haired individual wearing khakis, a red t-shirt, and boots said. “So… We starting?”

“Still waiting on at least three more people BP.” The man in the dark cloak said, waving off the question.

“Screw them.” Brony Parasite said, sitting down on a chair that appeared behind him. “So, let’s actually get to know one another since I only know Solphestus enough to… Well, know him. I forget people, so don’t be offended if we’ve worked together...”

“Not sure anyone could forget a freak like me,” the young black haired man said, pulling over a chair and spinning it around so that he could rest his arms on its back as he sat in it. “Name’s Blacke. Blacke Corman.”

“I know a frozen wolf mobion, a bizarre magician who's obsessed with large breasts… actually infatuated with them, and a bodiless guy with a female name that’s a pun on a game’s planet. Really, you’re all memorable, but everyone is, and that’s why they’re not… Too long winded for me…” Brony started to huff, having stated all of that in one breathe. “Anyways, I’m the cancer of the Bronies. I’m everything wrong with them, and I love it. Brony Parasite, or Bro Parasite.”

“Or BP for short as we like to call him.” The person in the blue cloak also known as Solphestus chuckled.

“Well,” Blacke said in surprise. “You know quite a few characters, don’t you?” He looked to the guy in glasses and nodded in his direction. “What about you?”

“I’m nobody special...” Glasses said, scratching at the back of his head nervously, “I’ll just go by my old nickname and introduce myself as The Villain in Glasses. Just ‘Vil’, or ‘Glasses’ will work though.”

“‘Kay T-vig… Why are we here again, bros?” Brony asked, “God that nickname was a retarded one…” then berated himself.

“Don't antagonize him BP, you might regret it later on.” Solphestus Joked, leaning back in his chair.

“Antagonize? Who’s antagonizing? I’m sure not antagonizing, am I?” Brony asked. “Also, where’s the mountain dew?”

“You mean this?” Blacke answered as he pulled a duffel bag from seemingly nowhere and unzipped it to reveal several bottles of the sugary beverage.

“Ooohhh! Can I have one!?” Brony then turned to Solphestus. “Hey Sol, is there anything we need that I could get?”

A bottle of Mountain Dew flies into Glasses’ hand via a shadowy string. He cracked it open with ease, “Vil or Glasses BP. I don’t usually get salty, but I don’t like people messing with my name.” He took a sip of the drink.

“Vil and Glasses aren’t messing with your name?”

“I’m not using my real name. That’s just a nickname I got in grade school for… various reasons.”

“And I was ignored as a kid- oh wait, no one gives a damn about backstories.” Brony rolled his eyes.

“Ok, first of all, no you don't need to get anything BP. And second I really hope the others show up soon so that we can get started, I REALLY want to try this setup I created.” Solphestus said before muttering to himself.

“Why don’t you give us a summary of the world we’re gonna play with?” Brony asked.

“Nah, I’ll save that as a surprise for when the game starts~”

The door opened after repairing itself as a man stumbled in wearing a heavy coat. “Oh thank god I’m not late… Wait am I late?” He asked looking at everyone. “I’m Shadows In The Dark, if you don’t know who that is this will get really awkward… I brought snacks?” He said holding up shopping bag full of food and drinks.

“I brought the cheese puffs! Also, where are the cheetos…?” Brony looked around.

“I have Jaffa cakes, cripes and coka cola.” Shadows replied walking in and taking a seat. “So how do we play? Is this like Iron Kingdoms or something else?” He asked looking at a sheet of paper.

“Oh, wait, Terror?”

“That me.” He said with a grin.

“Didn’t recognise you with that name!” Brony laughed.

“Are you Dark or someone?” He asked raising a eyebrow.

“Parasite. Brony Parasite.” Brony deadpanned.

“Dude! Nice to meet you, Wow this feels weird meeting face to face like this.” Terror said as he walked over to the table and started to fill out a character sheet.

“Same.” Brony said.

“Want to see something freaky?” Terror asked then smiled before taking his arm moved it behind his back and had the elbow behind his head. With his arm resting on his own back in between his shoulder blades.

Brony’s eyes rolled into the back of his head. Terror blinked at this before moving his arm back down and then poked Brony’s arm. “Is he okay?” Terror asked emptying out the bag of junk food on the table next to him. He pulled out two can of coca cola, a packet of crisps and one box of jaffa cakes.

“So if Bp don’t wake up soon should we start with out him?” Terror asked eating one of the jaffa cakes.

“No!” Brony screamed, jerking awake. “Also, you can call me more than just BP. I have two entire words to go off of.”

“But I like calling you Bp.” Terror replied with a smile.

“Fine,” Parasite shrugged.

Glasses just took another sip of his Mountain Dew as he watched the group’s antics with a bemused expression.

“Anyways, where’s my character sheet?” Brony asked. “I’ve always wanted to play this~!”

“Also who’s that?” Terror asked pointing at Glasses.

“Villain With Glasses.”

“IN Glasses,” He corrected.

“I get it!” Terror yelled before grinning.

“Great, that makes one of us.” Brony rolled his eyes. “Now… Sol… Gimme my character sheet damn it.” A character sheet then teleported into his hands as Solphestus grinned smugly in his chair. Terror went back to his own character sheet and started filling it out. He even started to draw a diamond dog in the profile box.

“Ok everyone, fill out your character sheets the game will be starting in a moment.” Solphestus said as a sheet teleported into the hands of whoever had not grabbed a character sheet already.

“Dragon Tank,” Glasses said plainly, pulling his sheet and dice from his bag.

“Let see, Rogue Diamond Dog who dressed as a pirate wielding a rapier.” Terror said out loud looking at his sheet.

“How do we determine our stats?” Brony asked, writing stuff down on his character sheet. “Newb to the game.”

“Well, since many of us are newbies… we’ll use the twenty point system, take twenty points and distribute them amongst your stats.” Solphestus said decidedly as he got out of his chair to start setting up stuff on the board in the middle of the table.

“Okay, can you help me with that. Last time I did something like this in Iron kingdoms my character was horribly underpowered.” Terror asked.

“Sure, just give me a moment… and done!” Solphestus said as he finished adding the last of the details he wanted to the map of equestria on the game board, before walking over to help Terror.

“Same.” Brony’s sheet disappeared and reappeared in Solphestus’ hands, before leaning back in his chair, smirking evilly. “What’cha think?”

“No idea if this is right, but here you go,” Blacke said, holding out his sheet.

“Want to hear my backstory for my diamond dog?” Asked Terror.

“I’m going to have to stop you there terror, that's info for AFTER the game starts.” Solphestus said as he finished helping the person he was talking to before taking a look at BP’s character and smirking darkly.

“Oh sorry.” He said before drinking some of his cola.

“Shouldn’t we know the layout of the land so we can actually determine a world, instead of you dropping characters with backstories that contradict the flow of things?” Parasite asked calmly. “Like, say one of us was once the captain of a guard… Which kingdom? One that doesn’t fit into the story? Like there’s only one captain of the guard in the world, and he’s been on the job for years? What then?” Brony stated.

“Wouldn’t be the weirdest thing,” Blacke said as he twisted the cap off his Mountain Dew. “I mean look at us. We probably all come from different realities anyway.”

“Yeah, but I’d like consistency to my first time role playing! So that no one leaves or I get sick of continuity errors. All I’ve got is that my character’s mother was an evil lich, but I don’t even know if that could work!”

“Up to the Gm.” Terror added then smiled. “So we ready?”

“God… Fucking… Damn you Terror… I want my character to feel natural unlike you guys, who could care less about the dumbness of your characters backstory!” Brony’s eyes twitched.

“I’ll have you know I put a lot of thought into my character thank you.” Terror replied.

“Ok, break it up you two or I will replace your lips with zippers and then proceed to lock them shut.” Solphestus deadpanned as he finished the last adjustments to Brony Parasite’s character sheet before handing it back.

Brony takes Terror’s character sheet, and after reading it looked up at Terror with a raised eyebrow. “A pirate? Really?”

“I’m using the rouge class. Didn’t say I can’t be a pirate and in a way they are rouges.” Terror looked pleased with himself.

“But a pirate…? The guys on dinky little ships that steal cargo for others?” Brony asked dryly.

“I’m not complaining about your little unicorn. I think it’s kind of cool.” Terror said having a peek at Brony sheet.

“It says he’s chaotic neutral… Pirates aren’t neutral, they’re chaotic evil.” Brony was about to continue but stopped. “Screw it… I don’t care...”

“Darn, and I was so close to replacing your mouths with zippers too.” Solphestus teased as he backed away from the arguing duo.

“And you’re lucky, or I would’ve replaced your head with a pineapple…” Brony threatened.

“Things seem to be getting a little heated in here,” Blacke said, his hair catching fire and dying down. “Maybe we should start learning some history on what we’re doing.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to get!” Brony shouted angrily.

Blacke raised an eyebrow and looked to Solphestus. “So, GM, can we get a hint? Like a little, tiiiny one to sate our curiosity.”

“You will be starting in Canterlot and meet up while trying to find employment due to circumstances.” Solphestus said cryptically.

“What kind?” terror asked curiously.

“I would recommend the adventurers guild, because that would be the easiest place to get a job.” Solphestus replied. “Or did you mean something else?”

“I was talking about the circumstances.” Terror explain. “Like what happened to make them look for new jobs somewhere else.”

Just then, a doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it.” Said Terror as he get up to open the door. “Hello?”

“Hey, I’m Cyberlord4444, but you can just call me Cyber,” said a man wearing jeans and a black hoodie, “I got an invite?”

“Hey Cyber!” Glasses called, waving to the new arrival.

“Oh you're just in luck we was about to start… I have no idea who you are.” Terror replied letting him in.

“Don’t worry, it’s mutual. Hey, Solphestus, how you been?”

“Good, how goes the finalization to the candidates for that story of yours?” Solphestus replied as he passed over a blank character sheet to Cyber.

“Slow but steady, the Pinks are being a bitch. So, what we playing?”

“A… Modified version of Ponified Pathfinder.” Solphestus replied as he returned to his chair where he began to fill out a character sheet himself for some reason.

“Is that kinda like D&D?” Cyber said as he looked at his own.

“Pretty much.”

“That should make things easier, anyone mind if I make a stealth sniper thestral who lays traps all over the place?”

“Go nuts.” Replies Terror.

“How would that work? There aren’t any guns.” Brony stated.

“One word, crossbow,” Cyber said as he filled out his sheet, “lots of DEX and INT I think.”

“That works.” Solphestus replied offhandedly as he started messing with the map again.

Blacke eyed the map. “Huh, so that’s what Canterlot looks like when it’s not on fire… neat.”

“You need to watch more than the premier and finale episodes,” said Cyber.

“Not what I meant,” Blacke elaborated. “Let’s just say family reunions never go well.”

“Canterlot’s never on fire, bro.” Brony said boredly. “Let’s start, men. Oh, and it’s a pleasure for you, Cyber. I’m Parasite.”

“Pleasure’s mine. So, what’s the set up?”

“All I know is it’s set in Equestria, brutha.” Parasite said, taking a mountain dew. “I seem to be the only one playing an actual pony in this My Little Pony game to my knowledge… Hey Soly, you got everything set?”

“Almost there… just found a glitch I have to work out real quickly…” Solphestus replied as he was forcefully pushing back against a tentacle that was trying to come out of the gameboard for some reason.

Blacke raised his eyebrow again. “That… doesn’t bode well….”

“Nope.” Glasses said with a small smirk as he took a sip of his drink, “Hide your waifus everyone.”

“What the hell?” Terror said sounding alarmed.

“Sol, you said this was gonna be a normal game!” Brony shouted in a whiney tone.

“I am instantly reminded of Gat Outta Hell, and not in the ‘that’s an awesome game’ way,” said Cyber.

“Don’t mind Cthulhu, He just likes to barge in here sometimes whenever he thinks I’m distracted.” Solphestus replied in an annoyed tone as he successfully pushed the tentacle back into the board before doing something that prevented it from coming back.

“I vote to run away now.” Said Terror looking to everyone else.

“You say that like we have that option,” said Cyber, “know you nothing of TV Tropes?”

“We’re fucked. Especially if tentacle monsters are a thing.” Glasses said dryly.

“Do we keep our current powers when we get sucked into the game?” Blacke asked in a joking manner as he set his hand ablaze.

“What powers?” Asked Terror.

“Yes please, I second that notion” Glasses said.

“Sorry, bro,” Blacke replied to Terror with a grimace. “Guess you’re outta luck.”

“Are yall done with your wailing yet?” Solphestus asked as all the exits vanished...

“God damnit Solphestus!!! If you told me this I wouldn’t have made my character a-” Brony screamed, but was cut off as everyone in the room was blinded by a bright light before being overcome by a falling sensation.

Blacke peeled his face off the ground. “That’s the second time today,” he said as he rubbed his face, finding something… off.

“Bloody hell dat hurt.” Said Terror as he rolled on to his back feeling odd.

“Anyone get the number of that starship?” Cyber said as he tried blinking the spots out of his eyes while feeling like he had more limbs than normal.

“Gah! That bastard!!!” Glasses said, a gravelly growl replacing his normal voice. His limbs felt… stiffer.

“Fuck Sol… Fuck that bastard… all I wanted was a normal table top game!” A squeaky, feminine voice screamed.

Terror and most likely everyone else turned to where the voice was coming from. And saw a small unicorn filly with a cyan coat, dark purple eyes and a white mane. The image of a black five pointed star surrounded by dark clouds adorned her flank.

“I vote we have a moment of silence, for the loss of our comrade’s lost manhood,” said Cyber, who was now a black Thestral with a red mane, and a Cutie Mark of a crescent shaped bow over a bear trap. Terror burst out laughing, Glasses followed suit.

“You sound so adorable!” Terror said in between laughs. Until he realized he had paws. He looked like a Rottweiler with a captain hat on. And a rapier on a belt for some reason… He even had a long coat on, as well as blue shorts.

“H-he sounds like my baby sister!!!” Glasses gasped out between guffaws.

Blacke stared wide-eyed at everyone around him and stomped his claw on the ground. “Well… we don’t have our old powers or I would have ended my misery…. I want my old wings back.” He was now a hippogryph with bright red plumage and a blue and yellow crest, his pony hindquarters a darker red. A picture of a golf club surrounded by circling stars was apparent on his flank.

This only sent Glasses into another fit of laughter, the harsh sound echoing through the clearing as the others just stared.

Blacke blinked his eyes at the six foot dragon. “Vil? Do me a favor….”

Glasses looked at Blacke, “what?”

“Light me on fire.”

“How the hell would I… HOLY SHIT!!!” Glasses shouted, finally noticing his new body: six feet of black-scaled, bipedal drake met his azure eyes, “what the fuck happened to my pants?” He asked, twisting around, examining his shiny new breastplate and longsword.

“Someone kill me! I’m not going on in this cruel form! I’ll never pee standing up again!” The filly cried. Terror meanwhile was examining his new form.

“OY! PIPE DOWN!!!” yelled Cyber.

“I got this.” Terror said as he get up. He walked up and picked the filly up. “I’m going to eat this pony!” He yelled with a smile on his muzzle.

“Sorry Terror, I can’t let you eat BP, it wouldn’t be fair to end the game so early for him.” A disembodied voice said in their heads.

“...I wasn’t really, and is that you Sol?” Terror asked looking around.

“Eyup, how did you expect the Game master to talk to you? Use a prophet or something?” Solphestus joked. Terror didn’t say anything as he put Brony Parasite down next to him.

“Yup...” Glasses muttered.

“Time out,” Blacke said, sitting on his haunches and making his claws into a T. “Didn’t you fill out a character sheet, Sol?”

“Yes I did, but that was just another Npc… a special one you will meet in a minute though.”

“Rule one: Don’t argue with the GM… he’ll drop the Finger of God on you if you do...” Glasses said, a scowl on his new snout.

“Rule two: Always stay with the party.” Called out Terror picking up a rock and start looking at it. “And don’t go somewhere alone with out a buddy.” He throw the rock into the air and catches it again.

“You know, I’d be willing to bet that while those rules are valid in this situation, I’ve seen enough guy get’s sucked into fantasy/game world anime to get worried,” said Cyber.

“I read a story like this once… everyone, check yourselves for your character sheets.” Glasses said, rooting around the limited space inside his breastplate, coming up with three glass vials and a scroll tube, along with a bag that jingled of coins.

“I’m a fucking filly!!! A girl! Ten years old! I’m not going through puberty again!” Brony screamed.

“Look on the bright side, you’re young again and you have magic. You could look for a spell to turn yourself back?” Pointed out Terror as he looked in his coat and pulled out a bottle. He started at it before putting it back and kept looking. He then found some lock picks and a sack of full of bits… “How do I use lock picks?”

“I’m… A fucking… Filly! I’m missing something dear to me!”

“Is no one going to question the music playing in the background?” Blacke asked, pointing his thumb behind him… at least he assumed it was his thumb.

“Shut the fuck up, Brian!” Brony screamed.

“This is Equestria, Pinkie lives here,” said Cyber as he ruffled through his coat pockets, “why would we question there being music?”

“Solphestus!? Where the hell are you!”

“You called?” Solphestus asked.

“I wanted a tabletop game! Not LARP!” Brony said, on the verge of crying as the music came to an end.

“Don't worry, nothing permanent will come of this… I think.” Solphestus replied as a apple appeared in BP’s mouth to prevent her from arguing any further.

“Seriously though, not cool Sol.” Glasses said, barely suppressed annoyance on his snout as he stuffed his items back into his inventory.

“Guys, we’re at the gates to Canterlot…” Said Terror looking worried. “What will the guards do when they find us?”

Blacke’s face fell as the gates began to open. “I don’t think we’re going to have to wait long to find out.”

“Alright let’s not panic.” Said Terror trying to do what he just said. “We can explain what happened, right?”

“Hope one of you guys has a good charisma stat, ‘cause here they come.” Glasses said in a grim tone.

“I put a five down, is that good?” Blacke said, slowly starting to back away.

“Terrible.” Glasses replied. Just as the royal guard started to walk out.

“I got six,” said Cyber.

“I don’t think rolling a dice is going to help us here.” Terror growled softly.

“Hey! Can you let me in!?” Brony shouted with an innocent smile.

“Rolling for cuteness check… You succeed BP.”

“Oooof course she does… She does realize she just threw the rest of us under the bus, right?” Glasses said.

“Who goes- Why is there a filly out here?” A unicorn guard says as he exits the gate, leaving it cracked open behind him.

“Sorry about that! She likes to explore!” Called Terror as he slowly made his way up to them. “Terribly sorry we was hoping to come inside. Rest our legs and all that.”

“And what…” The guard asked, now noticing the rest of the group. “Is a strange group such as yours doing in canterlot?”

“We’re travelers,” Glasses said, “We ended up together by chance. We mean no harm to the city, I assure you.” He raised his clawed hands to show that they were empty.

“I-I see, then you may come in…” The guard replied to the dragon of the group before opening the gate for all of them to pass through.

“C’mon, let’s go.” Glasses said, gesturing for the group to follow him.

“Maybe we should use our new names here?” Asked Terror as he followed behind.

“Agreed!” Blacke said quickly. “If my brothers ever caught wind of this….” He shuddered at the thought of a hundred laughing voices.

“At least you’re not a filly…” Brony snarled, tucking her tail between her legs.

“Come on,” Glasses said, scooping the filly up and placing her on his shoulders, drawing a squeak from her, “you’re slowing us down.”

“Oh Bugger…” Said Terror as he bit his lip. “They’re staring at us…” He nods with his head to the other guards.

“To be honest, kinda expected it,” said Cyber, “the only one of us whose a race they’ve seen before is BP, and maybe me.”

“Great… I just hope Diamond Dogs are nice here…” Terror added. “I do not want to be locked up.”

“Just keep your heads down and don’t do anything to get us in trouble with the locals, got it?” Glasses hissed back at them. Terror nodded his head, then reached into his coat and pulled a bottle out then looked at it.

“What the hell.” He said, he took the cork off and started to drink it.

“The hell are you doing!” Glasses whispered harshly.

“Blending in.” He replied with a grin before drinking more.

“And since when did downing a health potion while uninjured count as that!?”

“Not a health potion… ‘s rum” He stared with a goofy smile. “And it really good…” He then started to wobble a bit as he walked.

Glasses just snorted a puff of smoke at him. Terror waved the smoke away as he continued to drink.

“I’ll kill you in your sleep…” Brony growled at Glasses, just now recovering from the shock of being picked up.

“Listen up, you’re a small size character, while this makes you harder to hit, it also cuts your movement speed in half. So deal.” Glasses growled back.

“Is it really wise to be talking about things like stats in public?” Blacke asked. “Not exactly what I would call ‘blending in’.”

“Let find a pub!” Terror yelled with a smile on his face.

“I’m a filly, bitch.” Brony glared.

“Have a swig of this then.” He replied holding the bottle out to her.

“Aaaaand that’s where I’m stopping that!” Glasses said, swiping the flask and downing its contents before handing it back to terror.

“Well… The rum’s gone.” Terror said looking at the bottle in his paw.

“Not to mention that Glasses just gave himself alcohol poisoning, don't know how that works…”

“Actually, getting drunk is a Con check. And there wasn’t even a full serving of rum in there.” He grinned, showing his fangs to the sky, “I know the rules too, Mr. GM. No full serving means no check.”

“... Whoops, sorry bout that, I had the page for poisoned rum up. Ignore me for now~”

Blacke face-taloned. “We are never going to survive this….”

“There, there here I’ll buy you a drink.” Said Terror putting an arm around Blacke.

Blacke blinked as he removed the appendage. “I’ve never actually gotten to get drunk… suddenly I’m okay with this.”

“Hey Sol… Do a check to see if anyone saw or heard Vil talking to the sky?” Brony muttered quietly, an evil smirk on her lips.

“... You sure?”

“Something needs to happen,” Blacke said, casting a strange look at the filly.

“If you say so…” The sound of dice rolling suddenly went through their heads.

Glasses face clawed, “Gee. Thanks for reminding the GM of our situation guys, really helpful.”

“Guys our ears are so soft.” Terror said rubbing one of his ears. “It’s like velvet.”

“Don’t touch mine…” Brony groaned, her ears flattening against her head.

“You are now surrounded by civilian ponies who are giving you funny looks while slowly backing away.”

“...Let’s just find an inn.” Glasses grumbled, glancing around at the strange looks the ponies were giving him.

“I be Captain Iron Fang and I want RUM!” Terror yelled before passing out in the street.

Glasses sighed as he began dragging the unconscious Dog behind him, “I swear… every time.”

“They’re crazy.” Brony said to the civilians. “I only follow them since I got nowhere else to go.”

“For once, I agree BP.” Glasses grumbled as he dragged the drunken dog behind him

Blacke stood at the back of the group his eye twitching. “And these are the people my father interacts with….”

“Us sane ponies need to stick together,” said Cyber.

“Dad does speak highly of you,” Blacke agreed, watching the group.

“What say we go see if we can find someplace to sleep then get some equipment, you got some gold to start too right?” asked Cyber.

“Indeed,” Blacke replied, removing a pouch full of gold from… somewhere.