Ponyfinder gone wrong...

After spending several hours gathering whatever information he could from anypony willing to talk to a six foot dragon with a small filly on his shoulders and a drunken diamond dog being dragged behind him, Glasses finally pushed his way into the inn and tavern known by the locals as the ‘Four Left Hooves’.

A bell above the door jingled as he ducked inside, careful not to bash BP against the door frame, “Hello?”

“Hello, welcome to the… Four… Left… Hooves… DRAGON!” Screamed a light green unicorn mare with two-tone grey and white mane before she ducked behind the bar at the back of the room, causing everyone inside to look up from their drinks to stare at the group.

“W-what?” Asked Iron Fang as he woke up looking around confused. “Oh, we found a pub, smashing!” He said with a smile but couldn't get up, as he fell back to the floor.

“We’re never going to go anywhere without somepony flipping their lid are we?” Blacke asked, then blinked. “Oh, I’m already going native,” he mumbled with a sigh.

Glasses face clawed again, “ugh… damn my low charisma… Look, I’m not here to start trouble, we all just need lodging for tonight. I was told we could get that here.” He said, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

“I need rum!” Said Iron Fang from his place on the floor. “Lots of rum…” He mumbled before falling back to sleep.

Blacke walked around the snoring Diamond Dog and walked up to the bar. “We really are just here for a few rooms to rest up,” he said soothingly. “Can’t you help us out?”

“Y-you don't plan on breaking anything do you?” Lyra shyly asked, still cowering from behind the bar.

“No, we don’t.” Glasses deadpanned, “now can we get rooms so I can dump this drunkard off where he won’t cause a public disturbance?”

“H-how many for your… group?” The mare asked, peeking out from behind the bar enough for her to see the group.

“There’s five of us,” Blacke replied, still trying to be as comforting as possible. “We’ll need three rooms, please.”

“I want my own room…” Brony proclaimed.

“I got three, BP,” Blacke replied. “You’ll get your privacy.” That’s when they heard Iron Fang snoring.

“We need to get this idiot sobered up. He’s starting to piss me off.” Glasses grumbled.

“There’s a public washroom in back, you can use it while I retrieve the keys for your rooms from the manager.” The mare said before she ran out from behind the counter and up a flight of stairs with a hallway with a sign saying “restrooms this way” next to it in the back left corner of the inn.

“I’ll go do that then” Glasses said, plopping BP onto the floor, “you guys keep an eye on her.” He turned and spoke as if giving instructions to a child, “now, be a good girl and don't make trouble for the nice innkeeper or the others, okay? Big brother will be right back.” With that, he booped her with his claw and took off towards the public restroom, dragging Terror behind him.

“Fuck him…” Brony snarled.

Blacke looked worriedly at the small filly, wondering what the best way to defuse her anger would be. Finally he just let out a sigh. “Let’s just get our damn keys, and relax before someone ends up tearing a hole in reality or something.”

“If we could do that, I’d have left already…” Parasite stated.

“BLOODY HELL?!?” They hear Terror howl.

“PIPE DOWN!!!” Glasses’ voice roared in response.

The voices were soon followed by a series of crashes and the sound of water splashing everywhere, along with the occasional roar of anger and the sound of fists hitting flesh.

“I’m going to bed…” Brony sighed, trotting away.

Iron Fang made his way out of the restrooms dripping wet and with a black eye. “There was no need to punch me!” He Growled.

“You were resisting a wash. You needed it” Glasses replied, looking entirely unapologetic.

“You dropped me in the bath!” He yelled back then arched his back. Anyone who owned a dog knew what he was about to do. Iron Fang suddenly began to shake, sending water everywhere. “Huh, that feels better. So we got rooms?”

Glasses stood there, giving Terror a withering glare before blowing a small jet of azure fire over his scales, drying himself off instantly, “she back with the keys yet?” He said after he had dried off.

“Y-your keys sir?” The mare said nervously as she held out three keys to the group using her magic from her hiding spot on the stairs.

“Thank ye, lass. You’re an angel!” Replied Iron Fang with a smile.

“You’re going to need one.” Blacke crept up behind the Diamond Dog, eyes flashing dangerously as water dripped off him.

“Blame the dragon for almost drowning me.” He replied back before taking a key from the mare and gave her a bit for the trouble. “Thank you for the kindness.” Iron Fang said as he went to his room.

Blacke stayed where he was, staring after Iron Fang as he left. He finally let out a sigh, and took a key from the mare, murmuring a quiet “thank you”. “Want to bunk with me, Cyber?”
He asked the thestral. “I need someone sane to talk to.”

“You and me both,” said Cyber. “Now that we have a place to crash, anyone else think getting equipped is the next logical course of action?”

“We talk to Sol where we won’t look like a group of psychos.” Glasses said, taking the remaining key from the mare. Iron Fang walked up to and entered his room before locking the door behind him.

Glasses followed him, handing a key to the little filly as she stood angrily in the hallway, “You forgot this BP.” He muttered before heading for Terror’s room.

Blacke walked over to the door leading to his and Cyber’s room and unlocked it. “After you,” he said to Cyber, swinging the door open and his claw out in invitation.

Cyber nodded as he entered, Blacke following close behind.

The group walked down a road in Canterlot, looking for any signs of a blacksmith. “Does anyone have ANY idea where we’re going!?!” Blacke practically shouted out, his temper becoming frayed.

“Remind me, finding the inn took how long again?” asked Cyber.

“Didn’t help that we had a piss drunk Diamond Dog with us at the time...” Glasses muttered, using his hands to keep a squirming BP on his shoulders.

Blacke let out a long breath. “Last time almost felt like hours,” he muttered. “You know what? Screw it. Sol, where’s the nearest blacksmith!?!”

“Why don't you ask the owner of the shop next to you~” Solphestus chuckled.

Blacke turned his head with an audible creak. “You’ve. Got. To be. Fucking. Kidding me.”

“Sol. There’s a time for trolling and there’s a time for being a serious GM. Now is not that time.” Glasses deadpanned.

“Who said I wasn't being serious?” Solphestus said smugly.

Blacke’s eye twitched in annoyance. “Someone else go in first. I don’t want to scare the smith.”

“I’ve already got my equipment” Glasses said, pointing to his breastplate and longsword.

Blacke turned to Terror and Cyber, a crazed look in his eyes. “Anyone else?” Only to notice Terror was not there.

“Aaaaand just like that, the party is split. Fuck. Who was supposed to keep an eye on the Rogues!?” Glasses growled.

“Hey, I’m still here aren’t I?” said Cyber.

The sound of shattering glass could be heard emanating from Blacke. He calmly started walking towards the shop.

“Shit...” Glasses muttered, “Catastrophe in three… two… one… ”

“Start running!” Iron Fang yelled as he came running from around a corner some distance away… before a large mob appeared from around the same corner chasing after him. “Sorry!” He yelled running past a group of ponies. Who were then ran into by the mob. The diamond dog didn’t have time to explain as a arrow bolt almost took his hat.

“Man, someone needs to leash that dog,” Cyber said as he ducked into an alley.

Glasses followed him, BP still on his shoulders.

Blacke walked out of the Blacksmith holding a new halberd just in time for the crowd to ran past him, leaving every feather on his body disheveled. There was a small pause. “I’m going to fucking kill them all,” he stated without any emotion.

“I’m going to buy something to hit him with when he comes back around, anyone else care to join me?” asked Cyber.

“My fist worked well enough last time. I’m in.” Glasses said with a small growl of annoyance.

“In what again? I wasn’t listening over the sound of your stupidity…” Brony grunted in a bored tone.

“Can we just get our gear without incident….” Blacke asked to no one in particular as his claw met his face.

“Can I not be a naked little girl with four legs? Oh wait!” Brony stated sarcastically.

“I will drop you if you continue to be a brat, BP.”

“What do you expect, losing my dick made me one.” Brony smiled innocently.

“And we’ll mourn the loss of your family jewels later, but now isn’t the time.” Glasses snapped.

“I’ll make you lose your ‘family jewels’.” Brony threatened, her teeth gritted.

“You’d need to work at that one a bit, Dragons are internally stocked if you know what I mean. Sorry princess.” Glasses chuckled as BP’s face turned red.

“I’m a sorcerer… I’ll find a way…” Brony fumed, crossing her forelegs and huffing.

“Why don’t we find you a nice magic staff or something, make you feel better?” suggested Cyber. That’s when they started to hear bells, tower bells.

What did he do to make them all so angry at me? Were one of many thoughts going through Iron Fang’s mind. But at the front of those thoughts were staying alive! “Sorry!” He yelled pushing a pony out of the way. The Pony didn’t get knocked to the floor, but the mob following behind him nearly trampled him.

“Okay think, What would Sparrow do?” He asked himself seeing a wagon full of fruit. “That’ll do.” Iron Fang said drawing his rapier, cut the rope holding the back of the wagon close and letting the fruit fall out behind him. He didn’t stop running or stop to see if his quick thinking worked or not.

Now he was starting to hear bells, that can not be good for him. Iron Fang saw a tavern opened the door and closed it behind him. He then looked at everyone in side… They were all royal guards… “Oh Bugger… bye!” He opened the door and ran back outside.

Just as he rounded a corner, a clawed hand shot out of an alley and dragged him into the shadows. “Shut the fuck up, and stay still!” Blacke hissed in his ear. The diamond dog just nods his head slowly.

“I saw the diamond dog go in that direction, after me stallions!” They heard someone shout before a contingent of guard ponies, the ones from inside the bar, ran past their hiding spot.

The pair waited several moments before Blacke released his breath. “Never. Again.” He said, eyeing Iron Fang.

“I… May have found us work?” Iron Fang Said trying to smile. “But there a problem… The mob who was after me killed our employer.””

Blacke blinked his eyes. “Never thought ponies would get that violent…” he replied in a mixture of awe and terror.

“They, weren’t all ponies… And I think we need a place to hide.” he replied looking around worryingly.

Blacke gave him a deadpan stare. “Ya think!?!”

“Hey I just saw a guy get a bolt in his face! And I don’t know why they're after me!” Terror explained. “Let just find the others, please.”

“Let’s,” Blacke agreed, heading deeper into the alleyway to navigate back to the inn. Iron Fang kept an eye out on the way back. Making sure no one was following them.

“We should take the back way in, just to be safe.” Said Iron Fang with a paw on the hilt of his blade. “You never know who has eyes on us.”

“You’re just lucky that some of them are friendly,” said Cyber, stepping out from a shadow and adjusting his new tinted goggles. Iron Fang nodded before asking.

“What your name for who you’re playing as?” He asked.

“Dark Wire.”

“Nice to meet you Dark Wire.” Iron Fang replied with a tip of his hat. “I’m Captain Iron Fang at your service.”

“Disservice more like,” said Dark, “you couldn’t go one day without the entire guard chasing after you.”

“I wouldn’t say that just yet, Cyber,” Blacke said. “Somehow he managed to find us some work.”

“Where the bloody hell did you come from! I’m meant to be the sneaky ones.” Asked Iron Fang.

“Thestral Rouge, your argument is invalid.” Iron Fang rolls his eyes before opening the back door to the inn and going inside.

“Okay we all here?” Iron Fang asked looking at everyone. “I got us work.” He pulled the note out of his pocket and put it on the small table in Dark’s room.

“More or less,” Glasses said, jabbing a clawed thumb in the sleeping BP’s direction, “you’d best have a very good reason for why I’m not torching that tail of yours right now.”

“For one, the pony said we’d get paid five hundred bits each. But we have to go to where the paper says before we know what the job is. He said it was nothing big, like killing someone, so we’re good.” Explained Iron Fang.

“Where exactly is it we’re supposed to go?” Blacke asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Don’t know, I can read it, but can’t make heads or tails out of it.” The Diamond dog replied. “I thought one of you could.” He passed the paper a long.

Blacke took the page and read it over. “Mare leggings on high, Sun set past the moon. Don’t forget the tea at noon? The hell does that mean?”

“Please tell me you didn’t get this quest from Discord,” said Dark.

“Unless he can die by a bolt to the face, unlikely.” Iron Fang replied with a deadpan look. “A mob showed up and killed the pony, then ran after me. They really wanted to know what they thought I knew.”

“And this doesn’t scream ‘holy holy fuck we’re in deep shit’ because…?” Glasses trailed off, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Why do you think I locked my room, and filled my bed with junk to look like I’m sleeping in there?” The Diamond dog asked.

“Well you’re not sleeping here,” said Dark, “this room is for sane people only.”

“That and the wet dog smell still hasn’t completely faded,” Blacke added.

“I say we see what the job is, then decide if we take it or not.” Said Iron Fang. Putting his hat over his eyes.

“Well the first step to that is translating this,” Dark said as he pulled out his sheet, “my Int is an 11, can anyone top that?” Iron fang shock his head no.

“It’s not in Common? That’s surprising… maybe it’s in Draconic? Pass it here.” Glasses said, reaching for the paper.

“More like a riddle, hence why Sol will probably make us use an Intelligence check to solve it.”

“Makes sense… and I don’t have that skill, sorry.” Glasses said, passing the paper back.

“Guess it’s up to me then,” Dark said, “roll me Sol, solve riddle, Intelligence 11.”

“I just had a horrible thought.” Said Iron Fang slowly pulling his hat up. “What if it talking about places…”

“What are you saying, Terror?” Blacke asked.

“I’m really hoping it’s not what I think it is… But the only way to find out is to ask around.” He asked with a worried look on his face. “Please let me be wrong about this…”

“Explain already, we can’t read minds!” Glasses growled, a curl of smoke escaping his nose.

“Mare Leggings… Think about that and what it could mean.” He asked with a look of dread on his face.

“You don’t mean...” Glasses’ eyes widened in realization.

“Oh, jesus…,” Blacke stated bringing a claw up to his face.

“Sol, cancel that roll,” said Dark.

“Gentlemen…. We’re going to a ‘strip club’” Glasses said calmly, “if there are any that would back out now, speak.”

“Sun set past the moon probably alludes to the name of the place,” said Dark, “although I really hope that Tea isn’t referring to what I think it might.”

“I want to know why those assholes were after me, so… I say we go. And The tea part most likely our contact name, or password.”

“Either way, no point going before lunch,” Dark said, putting the flier away.

“Yeah, no use getting involved on an empty stomach,” Blacke agreed then looked to BP and pointed his thumb claw. “Who wants to wake her up?” Terror put his hat over his eyes again.

“Not it,” said Dark.

“I’ll do it...” Glasses grumbled, walking over to the bed and beginning to shake the filly, “Oi. Get you’re ass out of bed already. We have a job to do.”

“Actually, now that I think about it, are we sure we want to bring a minor?” asked Dark.

“We’re not, but she should at least know about it. I’d rather she not waste her spell useage burning the place down.”

“Okay, I’ll wait outside. Sol roll stealth please. Oh what the hell I’ll do it myself.” Iron Fang said making his way out of the room.

“Let’s just leave her a note,” said Dark, “anyone for burgers?”

“I could do burgers,” Blacke replied with a shrug.

“Are there even burgers? We are in Canterlot. Capital of the grass-munchers...” Glasses murmured.

“Twilight was gorging herself on ‘em in that one episode,” said Dark

“Those were Hayburgers. They had that instead of a patty….”

“Maybe we could find a place run by a griffon or something,” Blacke suggested.

“Are we talking about food?” Asked Iron Fang sticking his head back into the room. “I think we should head out before it get dark.”