Ponies Watch Red vs Blue

The episode starts with the two red team soldiers jogging over to the gruff-talking red soldier from before.

"Hurry up, ladies. This ain't no ice-cream social," he orders.

"'Ice-cream social?'" the maroon one asks.

"Oh, I should really hold another one of those soon!" Pinkie declared.

"'Another one?' How come I've never heard of you doing one before?" Spike asked.

"It's mostly for the kids."

"Right. So, how come I've never heard of you doing one before?" he asked again.

"We'll, you've been so busy helping Twilight, I didn't want to distract you."

"Aww."

"Don't worry Spike, you can go to the next one," Twilight assured him.

"Thanks, Twilight!"

In the bottom left corner of the screen some text came up reading "red vs blue, Episode 2." The second half then disappeared to be replaced with "Red Gets a Delivery."

"Oh hey, episode titles," Twilight said.

"What was the last episode called?" Rainbow asked.

Twilight took a pick at the inside of the case, seeing an episode list.

"It was, uh... 'Why Are We Here?'"

"Sounds about right."

"Stop the pillow talk, you two," the officer continued. "Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here... today?"

"Uh... Is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?" the orange one asked.

"That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero, and we're gonna a parade in your honor," the officer said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I get to drive the float. And Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!"

"Jeez pal, can you lay it on any thicker?" Rainbow asked.

"I just realized something. We just found out one of their names," Starlight said.

"Oh hey, that's right! So the maroon was is... Simmons?" Applejack asked, trying to sound out the name.

"I've never heard a name like that before," Rarity commented.

"Neither have we," Luna added.

"Interesting. And entirely alien naming system. I wonder if there's any reasoning behind it," Twilight pondered alound.

"We can ruminate on that later, Twilight. Let's just continue for now," Celestia said.

"I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir," the orange one replied.

"Goddamn it, Private! Shut your mouth, or else I'll have Simmons here slit your throat while you're asleep!"

"WHAT!?" Twilight shouted.

"Oh my!" Rarity gasped.

"Oh, I'd do it, too," Simmons added.

"WHAT!?" Starlight screeched.

"Oh my!" Flutterhsy whimpered.

"I know drill sergeants are supposed to abrasive, but this is a bit much," Celestia said.

"And for his subordinate to agree with him so readily. Is this normal behavior in their culture?" Luna asked.

"I know you would, Simmons. Good man. Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One."

"Crap. We're getting a rookie," the orange one complained.

"That's right, dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week. But today, we receive the first part of our shipment from Command." The red armored man then turned around. "Lopez. Bring out the vehicle."

In response to his order another soldier, this one wearing brown armor, drove a four wheeled vehicle with a large gun on the back over a hill and into vision.

"Shotgun!" Simmons quickly exclaimed.

"Shotgun!" the orange said a moment after, only to realize he was too late. "Fuck."

"What is that?" Applejack asked.

"Oh, I've seen these! These are 'cars,' official name 'automobile'," Twilight explained. "They're everywhere in the human Equestria, come in all shapes, sizes and colors, and are propelled by a complex system of machinery powered by a combustion engine!"

"You mean like a train?" Starlight asked.

"Yes, but they don't need tracks."

"Wow."

"May I introduce our new light reconnaissance vehicle. It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine-gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV!"

Applejack whistled in appreciation. "Ah may not one of them engineering types, but that sounds impressive to me."

"It sounds pretty cool! It looks pretty fast, has armor, and has a weapon on it!" Rainbow Dash added.

"Sister, I may be something of a magical traditionalist, but maybe we should start investing some more of the royal funds into technological research," Luna whispered.

"Indeed. That looks like quite the deadly weapon. An army of those could cause Equestria serious trouble, and the other nations have been more focused on technology," Celestia agreed. "Maybe we should schedule some diplomatic meetings in the near future."

"I like to call it the 'Warthog.'"

"Why 'Warthog', sir?" Simmons asked.

"Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son."

"As a good a reason as any, I suppose," Rarity said.

"No, but... Why 'Warthog'? It doesn't really look like a pig," the orange one explained.

"Say that again?" the officer asked.

"I think it looks more like a puma."

"Hm... I can see that," Fluttershy commented.

"What in Sam Hill is a puma?"

"Uh, you mean like the shoe company?" Simmons asked.

"No, like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion," the orange one explained.

"... You're making that up," the red one said.

"Uh, no he isn't," Fluttershy said.

"Seriously, even I know what a puma is," Spike added.

"I'm telling you, it's a real animal!"

"Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal."

"Yes, sir!" Simmons replied.

"Threats of violence for disagreeing with him. The behavior of any tyrant," Celestia said angrily.

"And we've finally got another name," Starlight said.

"'Grif', huh? For some reason, even his name annoys me," Rainbow commented.

"Look, see these two tow hooks?" the officer said, walking over to the front of the vehicle. "They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?"

"A walrus," Grif answered.

"Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals!?"

Pinkie and Discord chuckled at that.

"Wow. Just wow," Spike said in disbelief.

"Does he not know anything not related to the military?" Twilight asked.

The scene shifted to the two blue team soldiers spying on them from the cliff.

"What is that thing?" the Aqua one asked.

"I don't know. It looks like, uh, Looks like they got some kind of car down there," the other one answered, lowering his weapon. "We better get back to base and report it."

"A car? How come they get a car?"

"What are you complaining about, man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop."

"Really! Awesome!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Figures you'd get excited for that," Applejack said with a smile.

"Hay yeah! I wonder what tanks look like in this world? The minotaur tanks are pretty much just carriages with cannons and some armor plating.

"You can't pick up chicks in a tank," the Aqua one complained.

"Really, dear? That's your concern?" Rarity deadpanned.

"Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything, couldn't you? We're gonna get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in car that looks like that?"

"What kind of car is it?"

The cobalt one raised his rifle again. "I don't know, I've never seen a car like that before. It looks like a, uh... like a big cat of some kind."

"... What, like a puma?"

"Yeah man, there you go."

Everyone laughed at that.

"Oh, the writing in this is great!" Discord said, taking a bite out of his soda.

The scene shifted back to the reds.

"So unless anybody has any more mythical to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're gonna stick with the 'Warthog.' How about it, Grif? the red one asked, his tone seeming to ask for the private to say something for an excuse to hit him.

"No, sir. No more suggestions," Grif replied, sounding defeated.

"Are you sure? How 'bout Big Foot?"

"It's okay."

"Unicorn?"

"Wait, what?" Twilight and Starlight both asked at the same time.

"Check it out, Starlight! You and Rarity are mythical creatures!" Pinkie said.

"Considering that he thinks walruses and a pumas aren't real, I wouldn't be too sure of that," Rarity scoffed.

"Then again, most of the species in this world are only myths in the alternate Equestria, that might be the case here, too," Twilight commented.

"No, really. I'm-I'm cool."

"Sasquatch?"

"Leprechaun?" Simmons suggested.

"Hey, he doesn't need any help, man," Grif chided.

"Phoenix?" the red one suggested.

Grif groaned. "Christ."

"Hey, Simmons! What's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats?"

"Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir," Simmons answered.

"Hey, Grif! Chupathingy, how 'bout that? I like it. Got a ring to it," he said sarcastically before the screen cut to black.

"I like it! I'm voting for that one!" Pinkie declared.

"So we've got Simmons, Grif, and Lopez," Twilight said. "Hopefully we'll learn the names of the others before long.

"Especially considering we're about to get another cast member soon," Starlight added.

"Until he gets and official name, Ah'm just gonna call the red leader 'Sarge,'" Applejack said.

"These episodes are going by fast," Spike commented.

"Yeah. Maybe we'll be done with the first season in an hour or so," Rainbow added as the next episode started.