Be Safe

I sat silently by the rail of my balcony, tears gently falling to the cold metal that supported my thin arms that cradled my rain soaked head. It had been a long time since I had seen him last…too long. But what could I do? I had never felt so alone…waiting and left to wonder if he'd ever come back. I ached for his touch, the tender sensation that had made me feel so real. I could barely remember it now, the way it reminded her of what it had been like, what it could be like. I didn't want to forget…lose that beautiful feeling, no matter how much it hurt to never let it go. Never let him go…I just couldn't.

The warmth he had brought to my life was fading faster with each passing hour…the ticking of the clock ebbed away at my memory like a poison. I could barely breathe without him, suffocating without him in my life. I needed him more than he would ever know. I couldn't help but wonder if he felt it too…the painful ache that slowly corroded my essence when he wasn't around. Without him, I was nothing…he held a piece of me that desperately called out. It wanted him to come home.

But the voice that silently called was beginning to die…I wanted to save it but I couldn't do it by myself.

My lavender eyes lay hidden behind bangs that stuck to my skin, wet with the falling rain. Delicate features singing an endless song of sorrow. Tears left their glistening silhouettes on rain speckled eyelashes. I never knew I could cry this hard, when he had left…my world had fallen. Left in the ruins of something I had worked so hard on, I had discovered the inevitable cruelty that life always brought about. It had hurt so much…

Except this time, he wasn't there to wipe away the tears…wrap me in his warm embrace and make everything okay.

My lip quivered with pain as the rain continued to pound on my frail body. My eyes looked up in disappointment as a hand gently squeezed my shoulder…I really had to stop getting my hopes so high, they were only smashed to pieces when reality swung full circle with malice.

"You should get out of the rain, if you ever caught hypothermia waiting for him…he'd never forgive himself."

I tried to send Twilight an appreciative smile but all I could manage was a weak grimace. I reluctantly rose from my lookout bench and moved slowly through the door she held open. Entering the shelter the room provided, I felt his eyes study my warily as I slumped dejectedly onto my awaiting bed.

"Don't worry Cadence, he'll come back. He can take care of himself…"

Despite her words, reassurance was not what ran through my brain. Her eyes were flecked with a worry for her brother that darkened her gaze and revealed the truth she tried to hide. Regardless, she sent a small smile that she hoped was more convincing than she appears to be.

Upon hearing the quiet click of my door, I pulled back the neatly folded covers that encased my mattress and climbed in under the welcoming sheets. Goosebumps were quick to rise across my rain soaked skin as the fresh, cold sheets wrapped around my damp body.

My eyelashes still moist with tears and rain, kissed my smooth cheeks as heavy eyelids succumbed to the burden of slumber. However, it was short-lived as sweat broke out across my body, feverish with nightmares that plagued my mind. Shaken from my fitful sleep, I struggled with the tangled sheets that clung to my clammy skin in restriction.

I was beginning to get used to this late night awakening…

Under half-lidded eyes, subtle dark circles blemished my porcelain complexion. Stained with the lack of sweet sedation that my body desperately needed, but couldn't seem to grasp. I couldn't even remember the last time I had actually been able to completely surrender myself to the night's call…I had eventually stopped keeping count.

Muscles loose with impeding exhaustion, I struggled to untangle myself from sweat soaked sheets that clung greedily to my skin. Bare feet hit the unwelcoming floor, sending shivers up my body as the glacial surface consumed the warmth that spread from my body with callous efficiency.

Once again without comforting warmth, I couldn't miss the familiar sensation that coursed through my heart…almost like a calling, a desire. I easily discerned it as the hindering demand to be near him, to dull the constant ache that polluted my heart. I needed to feel his presence, no matter how faint. I wouldn't ignore it this time…I couldn't afford to.

I timidly headed into the maze of hallways, following the trail of breadcrumbs that my intuition had placed. Invisible to the eye but evident to the soul. I felt the pinnacle leave a powerful impression before fading away and leaving me with little but a sliver of its previous energy. My doe-like eyes stared at the door that I stood in front of. Even without having been in it or having seen it…I knew what it would hold, who it belonged to. But my hand still shook.

I knew he wouldn't be there, but I was overcome with apprehension because in a way…he would be.

I gently pushed on the door and watched as it gave way to my touch, before taking a few tentative steps inside and quietly closing the door behind me. The room was veiled in a penetrating darkness that smothered her vision. I stumbled through the dark in search of a light and headed towards the faint outline of a night table that graced my impaired sight.

Snagging my foot on an unseen lump on the floor, I was sent tumbling. Expecting the cold floor to brutally meet my cheek, I was surprised to feel the soft embrace of a mattress that luckily cushioned the fall.

Sending a mental thanks to the dormant mattress, I reached over to the bedside table in search of a lamp. My slender fingers met the small tassel and I gently pulled, blinking as the soft light pushed the darkness to the far corners of the room.

Curious eyes fell upon one of his clothing; thrown to the floor carelessly, the source of my near fall. I got up from the bed and moved forwards to gingerly gather the neglected diamond heart into my slender arms. My eyes moistened as conflicting emotions rushed through

my brain, letting a single tear stain the light blue fabric as I held it close to my chest.

Hundreds of memories ran through my head as I breathed in the comforting scent of his skin that lingered on the diamond…memories I had never given a second glance. Now I had to live with the regret, times I never looked deeply until it was too late. It was unbearably painful, but I wouldn't give it up for anything…it was all I had left.

I moved back to his bed and silently sat on the edge, as slumber called with a temptation I couldn't deny. Before placing it at the end of the bed. My body sank willingly into the comfortable mattress, I didn't even bother to lift the covers. My head lay heavily on a yielding pillow as I snuggled sleepily into the gentle fabric; comforted by his haunting scent that calmed the aching in my chest…I felt so close to him, despite how far away he really was.

My fingertips unexpectedly met a familiar texture beneath his pillow as I adjusted my body to the contours of his mattress. I carefully pulled and a slightly crumpled piece of paper was drawn out from beneath. Faintly trembling hands gently smoothed out the mildly creased paper and a sad smile rose to my lips as my azure eyes fell on the page.

"Shining Armor…why do you have to be such a fool," I whispered with a quiet laugh filled with contradicting sadness.

It was the first and only picture I had given him…it was of them, fingers tenderly intertwined, a simple gaze that meant more than a dozen roses could hope to bring with their meaningless blossoms. It had taken me so long to get him just right…I remembered every pencil stroke, the countless times I had dragged my eraser across mistakes because it wasn't as perfect as him. The colours blended to make them what they truly were…the deepest ebony, purest ivory, Navy blue eyes. But it was the emotion that held it together…that made it real.

It was what the drawing was about, finding the biggest things in the smallest places…the love in a simple gesture, their delicately intertwined fingers. The beautiful safety that love could bring in a world of crushing chaos. I couldn't believe he still had it…still treasured it.

Glistening eyes remained moist with tears that I refused to wipe, as I carefully replaced the picture to its place under his pillow. I let my eyes fall to the lure of slumber's undeniable invitation, I  couldn't resist any longer.

I dreamt with a broken heart…and I knew that waking up would be the hardest part.