"Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!"

James paused from drinking the glass of milk in his hand and raised an eyebrow at Pinkie. "Pinkie, you said that twice already to the same pony." Apparently she didn't hear him, and did not reply. He would've been slightly irritated at that, had Red X and Blue Star not come in at that moment.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked when they came over to him.

"Conscience said we were invited to a party," Blue Star answered. "I couldn't refuse."

Red X spoke up. "Arthur couldn't come, he ended up catching Blue Star's bug. I offered to nurse him back to good health, but he said he'd be fine and didn't want me to miss the party for his sake."

"Oh, that was nice of him," James nodded as he tilted his glass to drink.

"Atario's busy with an odd job right now, he said he'd check on Arthur when he was done. Stario is... um--"

"He's having an affair," Blue Star interrupted bluntly, causing James to abruptly spit out his milk.

"Damn it, Blue Star!" James pulled out a couple napkins to clean up the mess. Blue Star was laughing his ass off so hard, he had to lean against Red X to keep from falling over, much to Red X's (and to a small degree, James's) annoyance. They got a few glances from some of the other ponies who attended the party. But eventually they returned to their own conversations.

"Good one," Conscience murmured to the still-laughing Blue Star as James went to throw the napkins away.

"No problem," Blue Star managed to calm down. "It's the least I could do."

When James came back a few seconds later, Red X gladly removed himself from being Blue Star's line of support. "James, he was kidding."

"I know," James deadpanned as Pinkie said something to Fluttershy in the background, much to the pegasus's obvious annoyance. "It just keeps throwing me for a loop."

"We actually can't find him anywhere. He'll turn up soon. More likely not for the party, but we'll see him again."

"He would've been drinking to his heart's content, anyway," James Epic Shrugged. In reality, he liked it when Stario was around, you couldn't take him seriously that much... if you weren't fighting him.

Turning back around James furrowed his eyebrows slightly. "Okay, guys, so the guest of honor is a griffon."

"OMG, seriously!?" Blue Star hissed quietly in excitement.

"Apparently, she's an ass****," Conscience deadpanned.

They heard Pinkie's voice. "Gilda!"

KLPOW!

James's eyes widened as he realized he Flashed in front of Gilda on instinct. Ah, well. No time like the present. "Pinkie, can I speak with Gilda, in private?"

"Sure!" She said cheerfully and bounced away as he turned around.

He almost smirked in amusement at the sudden tension that filled the air. Instead, his face went neutral. "Gilda. This gathering was made by Pinkie Pie just for you. So let's make a deal." James leaned forward slightly. "You stay in line, and I'll allow you the luxury of knowing what tomorrow is like." In other words, f*ck this up, and I'll kill you.

Gilda swallowed, knowing exactly what he meant. "Agreed?" he asked. She flinched slightly as he stuck his hand out. Hesitantly, she lifted hers to shake his. The second she got a good enough grip...

ZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Gilda shook like hell, electricity surrounding most of her body. James let go a good three seconds after, Gilda's plumage a little fluffed up, some tips of her feathers blackened slightly. Wobbling slightly from the shock, she collapsed to the floor.

Pinkie laughed from where she was, along with Rainbow, who walked over to James. "Wow, good one, James. The old hoof-shake buzzer never gets old!"

"Yeah, haha, good one," Gilda said flatly as she got up.

Rainbow looked at his hand and corrected herself. "Er, hand-shake buzzer." She looked closer, her eyebrow raised. "Hey, where's the buzzer?" James simply chuckled darkly as he walked back over to the guys, his hands behind his back. Rainbow gave a skeptical look before shrugging and walking away. "Anyway, G, let me introduce you to some of my other friends."

As James made it over to his brothers, Red X smirked. "You shocked her with your own electricity? That's ______ up."

"Yeah, just a warning to stay the f*** out of trouble," James looked over to see Gilda saying something to Pinkie with her eyes narrowed.

"You really think she's gonna keep her cool?" Conscience asked. Pinkie said something while looming over Gilda, her eyes popping out of her head and nearly touching the griffon. "Damn, Pinkie must have some really strong eye muscles..."

"I think she'll do fine!" Blue Star said enthusiastically.

Pinkie walked to the center of the room. "Everyone, I'd like you all to meet Gilda, a long-time, dear friend of Rainbow Dash." Conscience High Chortled at the flat look the griffon had on her face. Pinkie rushed up and wrapped her forelegs around her neck. "Let's honor her and welcome her to Ponyville." Gilda glared at her, but switched to a nervous smile as the crowd of ponies cheered.

"Please help yourself," Pinkie offered, a bowl of brownish yellow candies beside her on a table.

"Vanilla lemon drops. Don't mind if I do," she popped one into her mouth. Almost instantly her face contorted into an expression of extreme discomfort before she spouted a long trail of flame from her mouth. Pinkie took this opportunity to roast a marshmallow. "Hot!"

James held his hand over his mouth, stifling a laugh. "Conscience. Please tell me you got that."

"Hell yeah!" Conscience had the video camera in his hands.

Red X walked over to the lemon drops and ate one. "Mm, these aren't that bad!" he ate another one.

"G, the punch!" Rainbow pointed to the side. Gilda didn't need to be told twice, as she ran over to the table... while Blue Star made imitated the sound of a siren. (It was actually an amazingly accurate impression, like, dead on. And that's saying something, Blue Star sucks at impressions.)

Gilda had a glass tipped over, making gulping sounds. Then she paused. "Huh?" she realized that none of the drink made it to her mouth.

"Well, whaddya know, pepper in the vanilla lemon drops, and the punch served in a dribble glass," Pinkie smiled.

"Ha. Priceless. Priceless," Rainbow laughed.

Gilda rushed over to another punch table with regular cups, and downed one in a single gulp. "Yeah. Hilarious," she rolled her eyes.

"Hey G, look! Presents!" Rainbow pointed to a pyramid of wrapped gifts on the table. Gilda zoomed over with a wide smile. Grabbing a present, she pulled at the ribbon with her beak to open it... causing several green, squiggly springs to jump out in her face. Everyone laughed at the dazed look she had on her face... James was snorting trying to hold it in.

"Spittin' snakes. Hah, somepony pulled that prank on me last month," Applejack said to Rarity with a chuckle.

"Ha ha," Gilda said flatly and rolled her eyes. "I bet I know who that was."

"You do?" Pinkie asked innocently.

Red X held the bowl of lemon drops out. "Anyone else want one?" he offered. Silence followed. One of the ponies shook her head. "...No? ...Suit yourself." Red X helped himself to three more candies.

Everyone was having a good time... more or less. Fluttershy was conducting an orchestra of birds, while James and Conscience, Blue Star, and Red X (who had another bowl of lemon drops, since he finished the other) listened. Well that was what they were doing. What the f*ck was everyone else doing?

"Hey, bros," Blue Star spoke up. "Has anyone noticed that there aren't any stallions here?"

James scowled at him as Conscience looked around. His eyes widened in realization. "Holy sh**, you're right!"

"We're here, doesn't that almost count?" Red X asked before continuing to stuff his face with lemon drops.

"Cake time, everyone!" they turned to see Pinkie rolling in a giant cake. Blue Star's jaw dropped. James frowned in deep thought. How much was everyone gonna eat?

"You okay, bro?" Red X waved a hand in front of the slack-jawed Blue Star. Said person's pupils were rather large at that point, and did not react in any way.

"Hey. Can I blow the candles?" Spike asked.

"Why don't we let Gilda blow out the candles, Spike? She is the guest of honor after all," Twilight suggested.

Spike grunted in surprise when Gilda practically rammed him to the side. This didn't go unnoticed by James, who Hand Cracked his right fist. (Luckily, Conscience already had his camera put up, and Flashed over in time to catch him before he fell to the floor.) "Exactly," she said.

The griffon took a deep inhale and blew out all the candles, and smiled... only for the candles to light themselves again.

"Wah wah," Conscience smirked, causing James's low growling to abruptly turn into hysterical laughter. In Gilda's confusion, she sucked another large deal of air and again blew out the candles, getting the same result. She looked a little dizzy afterward, causing James to laugh even harder. Everyone else began to laugh too. Gilda tried again. And again. And again, and again, and again, and again. At this point, James had doubled over on the floor, wheezing in laughter. Red X was holding in his laugh, trying not to spew chewed up lemon drops onto the floor, or worse... James.

"Re-lighting birthday candles, I love that prank! What a classic," Spike laughed. With the prank over with, James got up, suddenly serious. She had tested the deal, and had to be punished.

He walked over to his entranced brother. "You got a sweet tooth, bro?" He recoiled in (slight) surprise when Blue Star snapped.

"Do I!!" In a blue and red blur, he zoomed to the cake while ramming into Gilda, sending her crashing into the wall. Hard. The blur turned into a swirl, surrounding the cake, a peculiar sound resounding. Everyone stared as the swirling blur transformed back into a satisfied-looking Blue Star about five seconds later.

"That was amazing," he sighed blissfully. He opened his eyes... and wilted at the disapproving looks everyone (except James) gave him. "I... I did it again, didn't I?" he asked himself.

"Don't worry, everyone. I made a spare!" Pinkie rolled out another cake identical to the first. Blue Star gasped. Spike didn't miss a beat, and ate a hole into the large dessert.

"This cake is amazing," he said as he popped out of the top.

"Spike!" Twilight scolded.

"What? It's great, try some."

Gilda looked like she was ready to murder someone, until Rainbow walked up to her. "Hey, G, you're not upset about some silly candles, are you?"

Gilda laughed nervously. "No way, Dash. Like I said, I'm down with a good prank."

"Come on, then. Let's have some cake," Rainbow ran over to get some herself. As soon as she was gone, the glare made it back on the griffon's face.

Pinkie took a bite from the cake, when a talon-hand grabber her neck and pulled behind it. Still gripped by the neck, Pinkie looked up to see the guest of honor herself... with her eyes narrowed.

"Hey. I'm watchin' you. Like a hawk."

"Why?" Pinkie asked. "Can't you watch me like a griffon?"

KLPOW!

Gilda remembered that sound, and let go of Pinkie on instinct. Sure enough, James walked behind the cake with his hands behind his back. "Is there a problem?"

"No. No problem," Gilda smiled nervously.

They came from behind the cake as Applejack's voice was heard. "Hey y'all, it's Pin the Tail on the Pony. Let's play."

"That is... ironic...," Blue Star said, still sitting where the first cake used to be.

"Oh, my favorite game," Rarity said (causing James to frown at her with a high degree of concern), "Can I go first? Can I have the purple tail?"

Gilda snatched the tail from the ground. "Well, I am the guest of honor, and I--"

KLPOW!

James was in front of her with a dangerous look in his eye. "I'll go first."

"C'mon, James," Rainbow said, "Gilda's right. She's the guest of honor--"

"You know what, don't worry about it, Dash. It's cool," Gilda handed James the tail.

James looked at the tail like it was sneezed on. "Um, no thanks. I'll take a different color." He handed the tail to Pinkie and went to a table, where tails for the particular game with various colors were displayed. He took the black one and turned back around. "Okay, let's do this." He barely took a step when his vision suddenly went black. "What the--? Pinkie, I think the lights went out!"

"The lights are still on, silly," James heard Pinkie say from behind him. "We're blindfolding you and spinning you around and around before you play!"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that part. Never played this game before."

Pinkie stopped in shock, surprised at this discovery. But she then shook her head. "Well, it looks like this will be your first time then!"

Red X put down his third bowl of pepper lemon drops, and spoke up. "I'll handle the spinning part!"

WHOOSH

He brushed past James causing him to spin like an ice skater doing a trick at breakneck speed. He always had a phenomenal raw ability of speed on foot. Faster than James himself. But only if James didn't Flash. Afterwards, he went back to 'his' bowl of lemon drops.

It took a good ten seconds for James to finally stop spinning. "Wooh! I enjoyed that!" When he was steady enough, and Pinkie turned him to face the pony on the paper, he pulled out a gun. Everyone tensed at this, and the ponies closest to his front side shuffled behind him.

"Okay, everyone, watch this!" he tossed the tail in the air.

POW!

He heard a resounding clink, he took the blindfold off to see how he did. He probably didn't do too well, this was his first time afte-- James's jaw dropped; the tail was almost perfectly placed on the behind of the pony. His face still full of shock, he slowly put on his sunglasses.

It was silent. Until Pinkie finally broke the silence. "He did it! He did it!"

James finally closed his mouth. "Yes. Yes I did," he said distantly.

"Great! Gilda, now it's your turn." Before the griffon could reply, Pinkie put on the blindfold and spun her around multiple times. Before steadying her to face the pony on the wall (after James took his off). Giving her the tail, she walked her toward the wall. "Now just walk straight ahead and pin the tail."

"Now just walk straight ahead and pin the tail," Gilda mocked (causing James to take off his sunglasses and glare at her in irritation). "Hmph, yeah, right. This is another prank, isn't it? I'm going this way," she turned around and started walking.

Pinkie spoke quickly. "Wait. The poster is this--" Before Pinkie could finish, Gilda let out a prolonged yelp as she slipped on some cake frosting ,courtesy of Blue Star (although you had to give him credit, that was probably the only mess he made), not stopping until she crashed into the kitchen. A second later she walked back out, adorning a new accessory.

"Hey, that's not a real moustache!" Red X said jokingly through the lemon drops (of the fifth bowl) in his mouth. This comment caused everyone (including James) to break out laughing. James, however, stopped immediately when he saw Gilda trembling in anger. Not because he was frightened, or felt bad for laughing (due to the fact that she wasn't nice to his friends), but because he would finally get to f*ck someone up for once in a long time.

Everyone else followed when the griffon snapped with a roar (and somehow removing all the frosting from herself at the same time). "This is your idea of a good time? I've never met a lamer bunch of dweebs in all my life," she said as she looked over the crowd while hovering in the air. Her glare hardened when it fell on Pinkie.

"And Pinkie Pie, you! You are queen lame-o with your weak little party pranks. Did you really think you could make me lose my cool?" she got in the pink pony's face. Had this been a different case, James might've been a little irritated at the way Pinkie continued to smile at her while getting berated.

"Well, Dash and I have ten times as much cool as the rest of you put together. Come on Dash, we're bailing on this pathetic scene." She went for the door, but paused at her old friend's absence at her side. She turned around, "Come on Rainbow Dash. I said, we're leaving."

Rainbow glared at the griffon. "You know Gilda, I was the one who set up all those 'weak pranks' at this party."

"What!?"

"Gotcha bitch," James muttered.

"So I guess I'm queen lame-o," Rainbow continued.

"Come on, Dash, you're joshing me," Gilda said in denial.

"They weren't all meant for you specifically, it was just dumb luck that you set them all off," Rainbow frowned.

"I should of known, that dribble cup had Rainbow Dash written all over it," Pinkie said to Spike, who was standing next to her.

Gilda still refused to believe it. "No, way. It was Pinkie Pie. She set up this party to trip me up, to make a fool of me."

"Actually, that was my intention," Conscience spoke up.

Pinkie frowned. "Me? I threw this party to improve your attitude. I thought a good party might turn that frown upside down," Pinkie literally twisted her head in a half circle (causing Conscience to Grief Grimace).

"And you sure didn't need any help making a fool of yourself," Rainbow added with another glare.

"Don't go blaming others *belch* for your mistakes," Blue Star said distantly (still sitting in the same spot). "You made a complete idiot of yourself, all by yourself."

"What he said," Red X continued to chomp on lemon drops.

Rainbow took a few steps forward. "You know, this is not how I thought my old friends would treat my new friends. If being cool is all you care about, maybe you should go find some new cool friends, someplace else."

Gilda seethed. "Yeah? Well you-- you... you are such a-a-a flip-flop! Cool one minute and lame the next. When you decide not to be lame anymore, gimme a call." She slammed the door.

"Not cool."

"Wow. Talk about a party pooper," Spike pointed. All the other ponies murmured to each other in confusion.

"I'm sorry, everypony, for bringing Gilda here," Rainbow apologized with a frown. "I didn't know how rude she was. And Pinkie Pie, I'm really sorry she ruined that awesome party you put on for her."

"Hey, if you want to hang out with party poopers, that's your business," Pinkie said rather dismissively.

"I'd rather hang out with you. No hard feelings?" she held out her hoof.

"No hard feelings," Pinkie returned the gesture... only for both of them to yelp in shock, physically and mentally. They both laughed afterward as they turned their hooves over, revealing hoof-shake buzzers.

"I'm real glad I had the camera out," Conscience said as he was recording the whole scene.

Twilight walked up to them with an apologetic look. "Hey Pinkie. Sorry I accused you of misjudging Gilda. Looks like I'm the one who misjudged you."

Pinkie wrapped her foreleg around Twilight's neck. "It's okay Twilight, even you can't be a super smart smarty smart-pants all the time."

Conscience, who had the camera on stand-by, walked over to them. "James would've been pissed to hear you say that. Because he knew he and Pinkie were right the whole time. But now you've seen it, first-hand... er, first-hoof." He looked around. "Where is he, anyway? And Red X and Blue Star for that matter...?"

"I'm sure they'll be back," Pinkie assured. Conscience knew she was right, so he went over and helped himself to a slice of cake.

Gilda was furious. After all that time away, she comes back to see her childhood friend... only to get pushed away by that same friend.

She was so busy wallowing in her bad luck, that she almost failed to notice James suddenly walking by her side. Almost. "What are you doin' here?"

"Oh, I just wanted to know which direction your home is," James said nonchalantly, his hands behind his back after having caught up with the griffon.

"Straight ahead," she grumbled.

"Oh, okay." James snapped his fingers.

Out of nowhere, Red X popped up behind her. "R.K.O.!" he exclaimed as he tackled her to the ground in a head lock.

"Wh-what are you doing!? I didn't pick on anyone!" she struggled.

"You may not have picked on anyone in particular, but you were still rude," James paced a small circle around them. "So while I'm not going to kill you--" James paused and rephrased his sentence. "While I'm going to let you live, you still must pay the price."

He stood on her legs to pin them down, while Red X move over to pin her arms and neck. When James was sure she wouldn't be able to get up easily, he pulled out a bell from Pac-Man and a clock. After turning the minute hand to the number six (thirty seconds), he combined it with the bell, and threw it at Gilda.

"Red X you can get off of her." Red X obliged.

Gilda's eyes widened. "What did you do? I can't move!"

"A little something I got from a good friend of mine," James said. (He was talking about Atario. Atario was the one who got them from PAC-MAN.) "He has plenty of these. And I have a lot too, thanks to him... he still has more than me." James sighed. "Enough about that. Red X, please stand her up.

"Alright...," he did as instructed.

"Now turn her around... good. Blue Star, she's all yours!" James called.

Blue Star walked out from behind one of the houses nearby, obviously trying (and failing miserably) to look badass. Getting a little closer he started running straight up to Gilda, who was being stood up by Red X from beside her. He curled his fist towards his arm as he reared it back. As he closed the rest of the distance between them, his fist connected with Gilda's chin.

"*HADOOOKENN!!*"

He leaped off the ground, taking the griffon with him, sending her flying into the sky until she was no longer visible.

Timing the whole thing, James made sure she was able to move before Blue Star uppercut her. As his two brothers appeared on each side, he held up his hands. They accepted, and slapped his hands in a high-five.

"That was amazing, guys. You played the part perfectly... except when you tried that 'badass' walk from behind that house, Blue Star." Blue Star pouted. James Dollar Punched himself twice, making two twenty-dollar bills. He handed one to each of them. "Alright guys, let's head back to the gathering." They walked (their steps in perfect sync for some reason) back to Sugarcube Corner.

Dearest Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that it's hard to accept when somepony you like wants to spend time with somepony who's not so nice. Though it's impossible to control who your friends hang out with, it is possible to control your own behavior. Just continue to be a good friend. In the end, the difference between a false friend and one who's true will surely come to light.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

After having read her student's friendship letter (which was rather f*cking fast), Celestia rolled up the scroll and set it aside. Bringing out a fresh one, she began writing.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,
My most faithful student...

The words on the parchment suddenly disappeared. In confusion, the princess looked at the bottle of ink. The label fell off, revealing that it was actually disappearing ink.

"Oops," she chuckled, "Wrong ink."

[Ending Song]

Author's Note

As James and his two brothers approached Sugarcube Corner, Blue Star spoke up. "James?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for assuming that you threw away the katanas I got you for your birthday."

"It's cool, I got over it. Thanks for apologizing, it puts me in a better mood."

"I need to see if Pinkie can give me the recipe for those pepper lemon drops...," Red X said out loud to himself as they got to the door. As soon as they went back inside...

"Where've you been, you guys?" Pinkie immediately rushed up to them. Conscience Flashed over to them.

"You didn't tell us where you were going," he said.

James exchanged glances with his brothers, before giving a small smirk. "Oh, we were just seeing Gilda off."

Arthur: *walks inside* Hey, guys, what'd I miss?
Red X: I... I think I'm addicted to lemon drops... v_v
Blue Star: Make sure you comment, everyone! I wanna know if I'm famous! XD
Conscience: And that's how you wrap it up! =D
Me: *shoots self in the head*