Lonely Among Us

*BIP* *BIP* *BIP* The sound of alarm clock hit my ears like a stray bullet. After a few seconds of struggle, I finally located the off switch.

Yawning heavily, I had rubbed my confused eyes and started to scan my surroundings - I quickly realized, I was in my house, lying in my comfy bed. The clock was telling me it was 05:45 in the morning. “Man, what a dream… I really need to drink less,” I said to myself while slowly getting up.

I quickly turned on my computer standing on the desk and went downstairs to make some espresso. “Another boring day… oh, hello Mrs. Cycow - how are you today? Hungry and grumpy as always I bet?” I said to my cat, who was waiting for the usual morning food and petting. I quickly put her food on the floor and returned to my laptop to check the news.

Gas is going up again [...]
Another terrorist attack in [...]
Prosecutors to question the president over a political scandal [...]

"Same thing, different day," I said to myself with bored voice, after reading the news. "I wish for once - they would write about something interesting-"

Suddenly, I had interrupted my own speech when I noticed something odd - looking through the window, all I could see was intense white color. "What’s going on? I better check this out."

But as soon as I opened my door, a shimmering flash of light blinded me instantly, and my ears began to ring.

***

When my eyes adjusted to the light - I could see I’m not in my house anymore. Instead, I was on the battlefield, lying next to the corpses of several soldiers wearing the same uniform as myself - combat was raging all around!

As I had slowly regained my hearing, I realized someone was shouting to me, “Soldier! We need that C4 NOW! Move it!” it was then, I noticed I was carrying explosives in my bag.

I quickly ran towards the voices - adrenaline was flowing through my veins, I could feel the bullets flying centimeters from my body, but I just focused on my objective - there was no fear. Suddenly it all changed...

BAM!

I felt it… felt the bullet entering through my back and escaping through my chest, leaving behind one hell of a hole. The force of the impact caused me to lose my balance and fall down hard to the floor. As blood was leaking out of my body, my vision began to blur… The last thing I remember were muffled voices...

“Don’t give up!”

“Fight!”

“We need you!”

Then, another flash of intense light struck me...

***

This time, when I regained my vision - I saw a bed with some figures standing around it, sobbing lightly. The scene was blurred, the only thing visible clearly, was the bed itself and the life support system connected to some patient - constantly beeping with the rhythm of his heart.

“We did all we could, but... His wounds are severe,” said the person wearing a white coat.

Other figures were all looking at the shattered patient's body, with eyes full of tears. “Will he make it?” one of them asked with a sobbing voice.

“I’m afraid, I don’t know - only time will tell.”

I could not recognize the face of the patient, or the others, but an overwhelming sense of deja vu struck my mind - something about it felt disturbingly familiar. As I stared at the person lying in bed it happened again - a flash of intense light blinded me, and everything disappeared...

***

The sound of motion slowly filled my ears - when my vision returned I could see I was in something that looked like a train wagon. “Finally, took you long enough,” somebody behind me said calmly, with a familiar voice.

As I turned around, I was momentarily stunned. “What the hell?!” It was me! I was standing in front of myself - staring confusedly.

My counterpart broke the silence, “Surprised? I guess I would be too. I mean, come on. Seeing myself talking? Uff ‘am I crazy’ - I would ask? To answer that - yes, you fucking are," he said with a smile, "but I think you know that already. And that’s not the reason you see me.”

At first, I was just standing there with my jaw open - saying I was confused would be an understatement. It took me a moment to regain my composure. “No, it’s not that… I was just surprised how ugly I am!" I responded with amused voice, "I mean damn! Look at that awful mug!”

We both laughed for a bit, suddenly a small bar suddenly appeared out of nowhere. “Drink?” my counterpart asked with a smile.

“Always!”

He quickly poured some vodka, and we sat down at the table. “You probably wonder where you are, and who I am-”

“You are me - obviously,” I interrupted and then took a sip from my glass.

“Yes and… no," he responded calmly, "I’m you - but to be more precise, I’m the part you hide all the time under that damn mask of yours.”

His words were confusing me. “I don’t know what you are talking about, ” I said, taking another sip of my glass.

“Oh, you can lie to everybody, but not to yourself," my counterpart responded with an irritated voice. "I’m the part that feels… the part you wanted to disable completely.”

My confusion only grew, I had no idea what he was talking about, and my memory was foggy. “To be honest, I don’t remember much - only bits and pieces," I answered when I recalled the scene with the hospital bed. "What happened to me? Am I... Dead?”

My counterpart poured some more alcohol into our glasses. “Before I answer that, first tell me what is the last thing you do remember.”

I struck a thinking pose and tried to query my mind - at first, there was nothing, but then my memory started coming back - piece by piece. “I remember a weird dream - there was WWIII, I was a soldier, I died… then become some kind of freaking walking terminator or something, then I tried to off myself,” I took another sip of my vodka, “and then… damn, I woke up in some wonderland, with ponies instead of people.”

“That’s all?”

“Well, no… I do remember some fighting, kicking some bad guys ass… I have some blurred memories of some explosion or something… and then walking up here," I finished talking, and took a final sip of my glass. "Now, how about you answering my question - am I dead?"

He quickly finished his glass and responded calmly. “Well… it's more complicated I'm afraid - you see, that ‘dream’ was actually a reality, it all happened,” my jaw dropped again as I heard the words, “and now, while we have this pleasant conversation - in the real world you are lying somewhere, dying.”

I was stunned again for a few seconds but then responded with a smirk. “Come on, you are pulling my chain… so what - I’m some T-800 on a planet populated by ponies? HA!” I laughed in my counterpart face.

“Of course not!" he said as he put a smirk of his own, "T-800 was a cyborg, you are just nano-enhanced - not the same thing at all. But other than that..."

I tried to respond, but suddenly my memories started to come back to me - my suicide attempt, saving Rarity, befriending Fluttershy, fighting Shadowdancer… “But, this means I died… right?” I asked with a nervous voice.

He didn't answer my question - instead, he gave the sign of silence, and then everything went quiet.

***

We just sat there for a minute - not exchanging any words, suddenly I could hear a muffled sob, followed by some whispers and more cries. The voices were a jumble… I could not tell who exactly was sobbing, but I was sure, there was more than one person out there. Finally, I broke the silence, “I ask again - am I dead?”

My counterpart stood up from his chair and slowly walked towards one of the train windows. "You will have to decide about that - what you hear are your friends waiting for you, begging that you wake up," he responded calmly while staring outside. "This ‘train’ we are on, will stop soon - at the terminal, there will be two doors - one on the left, and one on the right. Choose the left, if you wish to finish it all… choose the right to get back to your friends.”

“I see… You know my choice - let’s get this over with,” I responded with a stoic voice.

My doppelganger returned to the table and was glancing at me with his calm eyes. “If I knew, this would be over already," he said and poured some more vodka into our glasses, "I don’t know because deep in your heart, you don’t know either.”

“I knew for the last 300 years.”

“True, that’s why you tried to hide me - you felt so bad, you preferred not to feel anything at all. But now?”

“What?” staring indifferently at my half-empty glass I took another sip, “Nothing has changed-”

“BULLSHIT!” suddenly my counterpart angrily struck my hand - sending my glass flying to the nearest wall in the process. “Stop trying to lie to yourself! Everything changed! You are not alone anymore!" his voice was full of irritation. "We both know you didn’t want to die when you entered that force field-”

“So what - I had a moment of doubt," I interrupted with grumpy voice, "but I made up my mind.”

“I see I have no choice," my companion shook his head in annoyance, "why do you always prefer the hard way?”

Before I could say something, Fluttershy suddenly appeared before my eyes. She was in bad condition - her eyes swollen from tears. She was sobbing lightly. Soon the images of Twilight, Rarity, and others followed - all were very sad and crying - begging me to wake up. “You son of a bitch! You are trying to manipulate me!” I shouted with anger. “They will get over me - everybody will!”

My counterpart seemed unmoved by my outburst. “True, but do they have to?” he responded calmly, “You were suicidal because of the pain of being alone, with no purpose - but now that's changed. You can be happy… or at least you can try to.”

I wanted to counter, but every time I opened my mouth a flash of recent memories struck my head. Deep inside I knew he was right - my death wish didn't come from nowhere, it was the attempt to stop the pain. At the time, there was nothing left for me to do - Earth was dead, and I was just a walking sign of the past. But now, it was different - still, I wasn't sure what to do. "They don't need me... I would still be an outsider - a freak."

"Don't you get it? You being a freak is what saved this damn world!" my companion responded firmly. "If it wasn't for you, and your abilities - your new friends would probably be dead by now."

"Oh yeah... I'm a 'big hero'" I responded with irritation, "give me a fucking break."

My counterpart put a smile on his face and staring into my eyes said with satisfaction, "As long as you put your ass on the line for the just cause - you are a do-gooder, like it or not. If the recent events prove anything - is that this world could use another good guy."

Staring at the ground, I shook my head again - I was looking for good counter-arguments, but the fact was - there were none. No matter how much it hurt, he was absolutely right - I was a fucking do-gooder... And hated it. My mind was looking for any way out to convince myself. "But... What if this is my only chance to die? What if, I will be stuck there forever?"

"This place has so much quantum energy, that sooner or later you will find a way to kill yourself if necessary," my companion responded with a calm voice. "But right now, a whole new world awaits for you to explore it - and I bet that sooner or later more bad guys will show up for you to deal with..."

Suddenly the train started to slow down and then stopped. “We arrived - come on,” my counterpart said, and we disembarked.

***

The terminal looked deserted. Demolished empty chairs were everywhere, all the vending machines were broken, and the floor was littered with trash. I think this was the ultimate representation of my state of mind at the moment. “So did you make a decision?” my companion inquired.

“I’m still thinking," I replied calmly, "but, to be honest, I would like to see the gals again.”

"They are an interesting bunch aren't they?"

“Yeah... Especially Fluttershy. She reminds me of... You know who.”

We strolled for a while, talking and joking. The longer we walked, the cleaner the terminal became - as did my mind. Finally, we arrived at the exit. Immediately, I noticed something was missing. “Wait a minute - I only see one door, what the...?” I said confused.

“OK, so I lied about the choice - in reality, you are alive, and you are coming back,” my companion said with a smile, “I just tried to make you realize you don’t have to be miserable anymore.”

“You are a fucking bastard, you know?!” I responded with an irritated voice… however, in reality - I wasn’t that surprised...

“I'm you - remember? What did you expect?" he said with a grin. "Now go and try to be happy for a change!”

What was there to do… I opened the door and stepped in. The white light quickly surrounded me and then everything went quiet...