Friendship Is Cynical

Chapters

Day 93
Gotta Love Apples
Colorful Memories
All Is Pink
Stop Bugging Me
It's Christmas!!!
Getting Lucky???
This Was Totally Unexpected
Nurse(ish) On Duty
It's Alive...Sadly
Of Hearts and Hooves
The Losing Party
Devil's Dance Floor
Friendly Encounters
The Jailhouse Rock
Royal Pain
Tempers and Tensions
Pain; Without Love
Another day in paradise
A Family Issue
Welcome to friendship
A state of disaster
Heart Breaker
Road To Recovery
A Dash Of...
Weeble and Wobble
Rainy Day
Attractions and Altercations (Part 1)
Attractions and Altercations (Part 2)
Attractions and Altercations (Part 3)
The Oncoming Storm
Black Is The Soul
Epilogue: What a world...
Sequel

Day 93

The alarm went off mercilessly, sending wave after wave of its obnoxious tones through the small, two bedroom house. Mere seconds after it began its assault to any and all ears within range, it was silenced. Yes, it was silenced by the lightly tanned arm of a human that had reached out from its blanketed fortress upon its small bed. The arm quickly reached out, allowing the hand attached to the end to grip the noisy device before promptly launching it into the wall. The clock shattered into pieces before cluttering to the ground with light taps as each individual piece landed on the wooden floor.

"Mmm, what you say?" His phone began, as if knowing that this particular event were going to take place.

"Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did. Mmm-" With the quick swipe of a finger, the overplayed monstrosity that was that horrible song died off and Ryan lifted himself into a sitting position on his bed.

He rubbed his eyes before stretching his arms out to his sides and letting out an audible yawn.

While mornings weren't really his cup of coffee, cause 'Fuck Tea', getting up early was the only way he would be able to get anything done. Granted, there wasn't a whole lot that he even needed to do. Hell, he didn't even have a job; He didn't need one. After getting pulled into this colorful nightmare of a world the royal skanks that ruled this place insisted on giving him whatever he needed to survive.

Ryan had originally declined the offer and basically told them to fuck off, but after being homeless for about four or five weeks he didn't have much of a choice. He preferred the small town life, that way there would be less problems about people-er-ponies, getting into his business. With this in mind, Celestia and Luna both agreed to send him to Ponyville; That way he could be content and many of her well-trusted friends would be able to keep an eye on him.

In short, whatever he needed he was given. He now had a cozy house to call his own and steady compensation for "Pain and suffering" from horse people that brought him here. Sadly, he was also given some rather annoying friends.

*Knock Knock*

Speak of the devil and he shall come.

"Fuuuck..." He groaned to no one in particular before climbing out of his bed and sliding on a set of red flannel pajamas to cover his naked body. Being as decently dressed as he could care to be, Ryan made his way to the front door, leaning against it with his eyes still barely open. "I don't want your fucking girl scout cookies! Go away!"

"We're actually not selling cookies." Came a shy and timid voice from the other side, immediately filling the human in on who was standing on the other side of his door.

Ryan let out another groan, this one being just as unsatisfied as the last. After undoing several locks, he cracked open the door. His eyes were instantly assaulted by Celestia's bright ass sun, causing him to wince.

After letting his eyes adjust, he was able to make out the two mares that were waiting for him. One of them stood about his height with yellow fur, a long pink mane, and breasts like you wouldn't believe. The latter of the assets tended to make Ryan a lot less hostile to this particular mare, that and she never gave him too much of a reason to hate her. At this moment, she wore a pair of black sweatpants and a green sweater that hid those magnificent fleshy orbs from Ryan's exhausted looking eyes.

The things we would do to you...

Fluttershy was one he didn't torment too often, her friend on the other hand was kind of split down the middle. While the white unicorn had a gorgeous figure, and could hold a decent conversation, her fashionista ways gave him the undying urge to choke her every now and again. She was dressed in something way too shiny for him to even bother examining. The light was still being pretty rough on his eyes from him just waking up. That and the fact that there was snow all over the place only seemed to make the world that much brighter.

Despite not being their biggest fans, he knew he could trust them enough to at least open his door completely. As he did the cold air whisked its way into his home, taking his normally ninety degree house and dropping it a few dozen notches. With that done, his eyes shifted between the two repeatedly before he finally broke the silence. "...You gonna tell me what you want; or do I get keep standing here with my thumb up my ass?"

Fluttershy flinched a bit, as she did with most of his comments, while Rarity gave him an almost disgusted look.

The yellow Pegasus regained her posture, taking a breath to relax herself. Naturally, the human's eyes locked onto her chest as it rose and fell. "We were just wondering if you wanted to come out with us." She began with a voice like sweet butter. "We could go get coffee, I know how much you like coffee, or maybe even some hot chocolate from Doughnut Joe's?"

If this mare weren't so adorable, on top of having the most fuckable body here, he would have slammed the door in her face. However, he had been secretly pursuing her for a while now. Granted, he was more of the 'Let's fuck and call it a day' kind of guy, so he wasn't looking for a relationship. But, if it takes a date or two to get into her pants, he'd happily follow suit.

A few drinks doesn't sound too bad.

Ryan let out an undetermined grunt before replying. "Fine, let me go get my shit."

Rarity grimaced at his word choice, never liking how openly he would curse. "Well, I never." She muttered under her breath just as Ryan had receded into the house. Unfortunately for her, she wasn't quiet enough.

"WELL I ALWAYS!!!"

The walk was cold despite how warmly Ryan tried to dress. He had covered almost his entire body. A pair of steel-toe boots protected his feet, his legs were concealed by an old pair of blue jeans, and his torso was wrapped in three separate layers of clothing; A black T-shirt, jacket, and vest. He even wore a black face mask that covered the lower half of his face.

His attitude may not have been the most positive in any circumstance, but he was a fairly festive person, prompting him to wear a red and white Christmas/Santa hat. It was approaching, what the ponies would call, Hearths Warming Eve. Ignoring the stupid horse holiday, he went along with what his human calendar would say it was. To put it bluntly; Fuck Hearths Warming. Rock on, Christmas!

The trio entered doughnut Joe's, quickly slipping off their protective-wear as they entered the warm little shop. Ryan, still donning his Christmas hat, trudged up to the counter, placing his makeshift coat on a chair and taking a seat. The two mares soon joined him, sitting to his right with Fluttershy closest to him.

Joe approached them with a smile. Having seen the human more than once in his shop, he had grown accustomed to his odd appearance. He also enjoyed having him around because he brought in a nice change of pace with his sense of humor. Mostly though, it was because he came in for coffee everyday. The coffee was supposed to be free, but since that's almost all he comes in for, he pays anyway. "What can I get for you all today?"

Fluttershy and Rarity shot each other a quick glance, nodding to the other as if they were communicating telepathically. The unicorn looked to Joe and raised a hand. "Two cups of hot chocolate for us, if you will."

Joe nodded and turned his attention to the tired looking human. "The usual for you?"

"Actually, I'd like some vanilla spiced eggnog." Ryan lazily corrected.

Joe raised a brow at Ryan, then finally took notice of the hat he was wearing. "Getting into the spirit of the holiday, huh?"

Get the fucking drink and we will!

"I'm workin on it."

Joe chuckled a bit before moving to the other side of the counter to prepare the orders.

Curiously, Fluttershy glanced over at Ryan. She found him flicking at the white pom pom on the end of his hat that rested on his shoulder. She was almost as surprised as Joe by his order. Pretty much every time she had brought him here, all he drank was coffee.

Ryan looked over, catching the Pegasus with her eyes on him. A blush spread across her face before she quickly started facing forward.

His eyes narrowed at her, "See something you like, weirdo?"

Fluttershy immediately rose up from her seat, coming up with a way to avoid what could potentially become a very awkward situation. How you ask? Because Ryan was pretty well-known for twisting things around like that. "I'll be right back, I need to um...go to the little filly's room."

And with that she was off, leaving Ryan to smirk and turn back toward the counter. Not even a minute had passed and Rarity was already sitting beside Ryan, taking what used to be Fluttershy's seat.

"Why must you tease her so?" She asked curiously, knowing very well that he wanted to hook up with her. "It doesn't seem like a very progressive way to go about achieving your goal."

"Can't help it." He replied, keeping his eyes forward. "It's just in my nature."

Rarity shot him a glance, her expression calling him out on his bullshit. "You and I both know that's not how you would treat her in private." She responded matter-of-factly. "You certainly didn't treat me like that during our little fling either...well, not when other ponies weren't around."

"Exactly!" He said, as if his point had only been proven further. "We were in private all those times, I didn't need to."

She started mulling over a few memories, remembering how differently he acted when he wasn't around other ponies. If it were just him and one other pony, his teasing was toned down immensely, add one more and he went back to being a complete asshole. It just didn't make any sense.

"Can't have ponies thinking I'm picking favorites." Ryan muttered just of enough for her to hear

Don't say that out loud, you jackass!

Before Rarity could get a word out, Joe walked over with three cups levitating in front of him. The drinks were set down in front of them as he flashed the two another smile. "Here you are. Enjoy!"

Joe went into the back to do who knows what.

Rarity, wanting to continue where they had left off, questioned Ryan on his word choice. "What do mean by that?"

"I mean what I said."

"I know that, I just-"

"Of course you do, that's why you're asking me about it." Ryan added sarcastically as he took a sip of his eggnog.

This needs a little something.

Rarity fell silent, beginning to glare daggers at him. "I really don't like that sarcastic tone of yours."

"Well, I don't like your stupid."

BURN!!!

She let out a slight growl and slid back to her seat just in time for Fluttershy to come out of the bathroom. Before the largely-chested mare could make it over, Ryan slipped a hand into his back pocket and pulled out a large flask, quickly opening it up and pouring some of the contents into his drink. He then stuffed the flask back into his pocket, glancing around to make sure nopony had seen what he did.

Fluttershy took her seat, wearing the faintest smile. "I'm back." She said in her usual quiet tone. "I hope I didn't miss anything fun."

Rarity sighed, grabbing the steaming cup in front of her and taking a quick drink. "Believe me, darling. You've missed everything, but."

"Marshmallow!" Ryan yelled.

"Stop calling me that!" Rarity snapped, her head turning to face the human who was now leaning over the counter. His eyes locked onto her, giving her a look that she couldn't really explain. His arm reached behind the counter, grabbing a cup filled with marshmallows before taking a single one out and placing it in his drink.

Embarrassment started to kick in as the realization passed by. "Oh..."

"Well don't you feel just fucking stupid."

One small argument and about six cups of eggnog later; Ryan was starting to feel the effects of his little add on in his drinks. By some miracle he was able to keep spiking his eggnog without getting caught, but the mares took notice of his strange behavior rather quickly.

What was once Hell Incarnate, was now a bubbly ball of laughter. More than once he had gotten out of his seat just to hug a random pony he had never even met. When questioned on this little act, he merely replied with, 'They were cute'.

Fluttershy shot a worried glance at Rarity as Ryan sat in his seat with his head against the counter. "Is he okay? He's acting strange."

"Honestly, I have no idea." Rarity said, not taking her eyes off of the human.

Ryan suddenly shot up out of his seat. "It's Christmas in Hollywood! Santa's back up in the hood!" He reached down, grabbing the hem of his shirt and slowly started pulling it up. "So meet me under the mistletoe, let's fuuuAHHH!!!"

Rape!

Rarity had pretty much just appeared next to Ryan, grabbing hold of his arms to keep him from making another scene in a place where ponies come to enjoy themselves. There were times when he suddenly did a complete 180 with his personality and usually that meant one of two things. Either he was drunk or he was hiding something.

She would have assume the former if they were at a bar, but Doughnut Joe's didn't serve alcohol, which left both her and Fluttershy confused by his behavior. However, the almost stripping episode was more than enough to tell her that he was intoxicated. She didn't know how, but it was clear that he wasn't in the right mind.

"I think it's time we left, wouldn't you say?" She asked the yellow mare beside her, still holding on to Ryan's struggling form.

"I think so." The timid mare replied, quickly paying for everything before rising out of her seat and helping to apprehend the singing human.

"We gave some gifts and we gave some lovin," Ryan continued, still wanting to finish what he had started. "the weird kinda love that you give to your cousin!"

It's gross, but true!

Fluttershy cupped a hand over Ryan's mouth, giving him an apologetic look as she did so. She and Rarity then gathered both theirs and Ryan's belongings before starting the wonderful process of forcing the human out of the building and dragging him off.

Sweetheart, you're grabbing the wrong head!

Another Painfully Cold Walk Later

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Fluttershy asked, not wanting to abandon her friend with Ryan while he was acting like this. It was a trial getting him into the boutique, but he seemed to settle down after they tossed him facedown on the couch.

Rarity waved a dismissive hand to her friend, "I'll be fine, darling." She assured, "I've dealt with him in this state more times than I can count. I can handle it."

Fluttershy offered a smile. She wasn't happy that she's had to deal with him like this on multiple occasions, but it's good that she's worked out how to handle the situation.

Ryan attempted to lift his head, only to collapse back into the couch. "If yyyou cunt...count passed ffff....twenty, then that just looks bad on yaoi."

The mares gave him a confused look, only to shrug his words off not even a second later.

"You should head on home, dear." Rarity suggested, not wanting to subject Fluttershy to anymore of Ryan's drunken behaviors. That and she was afraid he would throw himself at her any minute now. "Don't worry about me, I can take care of him until he's sober enough to walk home."

"Okay, Rarity." She replied, giving her another smile. "Come find me if you need anything."

Fluttershy left, waving to her friends before going her own way.

Once she was gone, all of the kindness had seeped out of Rarity's face; Especially after glancing over at Ryan, who was still face down on her couch.

She walked over to him, standing not even a foot away from the furniture he was resting on with her eyes glued to his form. "I'm waiting..."

"I flushed all of the eminence!" He replied, his voice muffled from having his face buried in her cushions. "You gots nothing to worry about."

"Wha-No!" She snapped, "I mean; Do you have anything to say for yourself!?"

"I like waffles..."

Rarity face palmed, dragging her hand down as she growled to herself. She was about to leave the human to sober up by his lonesome, but felt herself being pulled the opposite direction of where she was walking. With a yelp she collapsed onto the couch, a furless arm quickly wrapping itself around her waist once she landed.

No matter how much she struggled, she couldn't seem to break out of Ryan's grip. It was like trying to pry a snake off of a mouse once they had already coiled around it. "Let me go!"

"Nnnn-no," He said lazily, "I wanna cuddle."

Again, she tried to break free. Her struggles were in vain though; It seemed like every time she was close to breaking free his arm would squeeze her tighter. After what felt like an hour she finally gave up, letting out a defeated sigh as she laid in place with her arms crossed.

This wasn't exactly the best position to be stuck in, in her opinion, but there were worse circumstances that she could have been wrapped up in. With the adventures that she and her friends had taken on, this was pretty tame in comparison.

Her body started to tense up slightly as she felt Ryan's head move against hers. A shiver went up her spine as his breath warmed her neck. "Ryan, stop." Rarity's demanding tone didn't affect him, in fact it made him bury himself further into her. This caused her entire body shudder. "Please stop..."

Nom

Ryan's next response earned him the most adorable moan from her. A quick nip on the mare's neck had her squirming in his hold. Still keeping his grip on her waist, he continued to assault her with his mouth; Gently biting random parts of her neck and shoulder. His free hand eventually found its way up her shirt, pushing past her bra so he could grab onto her right breast.

A sharp intake of air was all he heard from Rarity before she finally cracked. "I hate you so much!"

In the blink of an eye Rarity had managed to turn herself around to face Ryan, aggressively forcing her lips against his and engaging in a very violent make out session.

I don't mind this rape...

Author's Note

Okay...So I was little fucked up when I wrote this. Jack and Eggnog will do that to you. There were SO MANY ERRORS!!! But I still found it enjoyable and I hope you all did too. If you enjoyed this chapter, slap that LIKE button like a bitch! Also, feel free to share it with friends and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Gotta Love Apples

"Fuck it's cold!" Ryan yelled to the heavens as he trudged through the snow, his face beat red from the assault of the icy white death that swarmed him. "My nipples could cut diamonds!"

"I highly doubt that to be physically possible." Twilight added matter-of-factly as she lead the way to Sweet Apple Acres. "After all of the tests we've gone through, I can easily deduce that there isn't a single part of your body hard enough to even breach a diamonds surface."

Ow...My pride

Ryan stopped in his tracks, his eyes going wide before continuing to follow the purple mare while glaring daggers at the back of her head. "I know you're being purely scientific about this, but I feel like that was a jab at my ego."

At first Twilight was confused, but after thinking back on how Ryan thought and processed things, she was able to figure out how he could have taken what she said the wrong way. "Well, going back to scientific analysis, that wouldn't be able to do much to a diamond either."

"Hey!" He snapped, sounding as if she had offended him. "You leave Jeffery out of this! He's strong in his own way..."

Twilight couldn't help but roll her eyes at his comment. "Why did you have to name it? That's so weird."

"Every guy names their penis." He responded in a tone that made it sound like he was pointing out the most obvious thing in the world. "That's common sense."

"I don't know a single pony, other than you, that has given their phallus a name." Twilight added, refusing to back down from her part of the argument.

"That is complete bullshit." Ryan shot back, "I know for a fact that you and Big Mac are acquainted. His is called The Big Apple."

Twilight scrunched her face in disgust, "Okay, I really didn't need to know that."

"You really did!"

Twilight simply huffed at him as they finally came upon the farm, making their way up to the door where the mare knocked several times. Seconds passed until the door finally opened to reveal a tall, bulky, red stallion with an almost orange mane.

Big Mac looked over the two with a smile before making an assumption of why they were here. "Sorry Twilight, but Applejack ain't here right now." He said in a strong but smooth voice. "She's in Manehattan makin a delivery."

Twilight waved a dismissive hand at Big Mac. "Oh, I'm not looking for Applejack. I'm just here to drop off Ryan." She said, motioning to the human with her other hand. "He wanted to come visit but keeps getting lost every time he goes out on his own."

It's not my fault that our compass is still set to human!

"How's it goin', Big Apple?" Ryan greeted with a small wave.

Big Mac just smirked, crossing his arms as he leaned against the door frame. "Not too bad, Little Jeffery."

Ow...

"Oi, fuck off!" The human retorted, "Not everyone can be hung like a wool mammoth!"

And that'll be my queue to leave." Twilight said with a large blush on her face.

"You two play nice." She continued as she began her trek back home, turning around one last time to face them with a serious gaze. "Ryan, no shenanigans."

Ryan lifted both hands, raising the middle finger of both of them at her as she walked on before turning his attention back to Mac. "So...wanna get fucked up?"

The two shared a smile and made their way into the apple cellar, pulling out hidden bottles of hard cider and going to town on them. As they drank they told stories back and forth, Ryan being the one to speak most of the time.

Big Mac just wasn't a very talkative stallion. Ryan didn't mind that at all. He was a good drinking buddy, he could keep a secret, and he was the only male that he seemed to get along with. Which was mildly surprising seeing how the stallion once walked in on him plowing his sister, Applejack.

Ryan was sure that the toned brute would snap him in half, instead they started talking and somehow he managed to weasel his way out of a beating. Granted, he had to say that Applejack was his number one priority and basically lie through his teeth about how he was planning to marry her when the time was right.

Mac called him out on his false promise and went on about how he had done something similar when he was a colt. Rather than this leading to some sort of blood feud, they bonded.

While Big Mac wasn't a stallion of many words, he did like to speak every now and again. After getting to know Ryan, he learned that he could trust him enough to share a few tales and reminisce on the past. Despite the obvious differences between them, they were a lot alike.

Ryan had explained the many scenarios he grew up in, from living in the sewers and under bridges all the way to rich kid status and even some farming in between.

Simply put, they were able to tolerate each other enough to form a decent friendship. Mac did learn a few of Ryan's odd quirks over time. For example, when he needed a place to stay a few weeks back after his house burned down, they shared a bed for a couple of days.

As it turns out, Ryan was a bit of a cuddler.

Big Mac woke up in the middle of the night to find Ryan's furless arm draped around him. Despite the stallions superior strength, he couldn't seem to break free from the human's vice-like grip and ended up stuck in that position until two in the morning. This happened pretty much every night and he eventually just accepted it.

Back to the cellar; The two were sitting on their own empty barrels, passing a bottle of cider between them as Ryan started up another story about one of the many rather 'hysterical' things that happened to him.

"So dude looks at me, holding this can of spray on oil, or something." Ryan explained, his hand held out and curled to look like he was holding on to something. "Then he says, 'I dare you to spray this on your dick and light it on fire.'"

Big Mac took a swig from the bottle before shooting Ryan a disapproving look while shaking his head. "No..."

Ryan paused, his mouth hanging open a bit as he tried to speak. "I-I aint no bitch! So I took the can, sprayed down my crotch, and fuckin' ignited it." The stallion wore a pained expression, as if he could feel the burning sensation on himself. "They lost their shit, man. They were freaking the fuck out, just screaming at me; 'Put it out! Put it out!' And you know what I did?"

Mac shot Ryan a curious glance.

"I told them to fuck off, I liked it."

Again, Mac nodded his head disapprovingly. "Anypony ever tell you that ya need yer head examined?"

"My Aunt, my uncle, my great grandmother." He replied, "My family was looking for a reason to get rid of me."

Big Mac's expression suddenly went serious. "That ain't right."

"What?"

"Trying to get rid of family." He explained, "It's just wrong. You can't go throwin' out yer kin like some kind of trash. Yer supposed to look out for one another and protect them."

Ryan gave him a snarky look. "Good luck with that. My family despises pretty much all of their relatives. Way I see it, blood don't make you family."

Now Big Mac looked even more curious than anything. "Then what does make a family?"

"Loyalty." Ryan said without hesitation, holding out his hand to Mac. The bottle was handed over to the human and he took a large gulp. "Whether you're blood or not simply doesn't cut it. It's irrelevant. You can only be a real family if you have undying loyalty and would do anything for that person or persons."

"Do you consider me family?" Big Mac asked almost nervously.

Without a second to spare, Ryan had his reply ready. "You've managed to make your way into my 'Best Friend' circle, alright. Don't push your luck."

That was enough to earn a smile from the stocky stallion.

"I wouldn't hold onto that title proudly though." Ryan added, "I nearly strangled the last one and for no good reason."

Before the conversation could continue, the sound of the cellar door creaking open caught their attention, causing them to angle their heads at the entrance. It wasn't long until an elderly green mare came into view, her silver mane reflecting the small bit of light within the underground area.

"So this is where you two have been hidin'?" She said with a bit of a playful attitude. It didn't take long for her to see the bottle Ryan was holding in his hands. "Don't yall be drinkin all of that there cider. Them bottles are supposed to be sold."

"Yes, Granny." Big Mac and Ryan replied in unison.

Granny Smith smiled warmly at them, "Come on inside now you two. I got an apple pie fresh outta the oven just waiting to eaten."

Ryan looked over at Mac, raising a hand with his thumb angled at the mare. "See, that right there is family."

The group exited the cellar, Ryan still clinging to the cider bottle they had gotten started on. Unknown to Granny Smith, this was the fourth bottle. The empty ones they had already consumed were safely hidden inside of the supposedly empty barrels.

Upon entering the house they were graced with the sight of the adorable filly, Apple Bloom, carrying the steaming pastry onto the table. Behind her was Applejack, who was setting down several plates and silverware.

Apple Bloom caught sight of them as they came in, a smile instantly forming on her face.

"Ryan!" She yelled, tackling the human to the ground in the blink of an eye and holding him in a spine breaking hug. Her head soon angled toward her older brother. "Big Mac, why didn't you tell us Ryan was here?"

Not getting any air up here, dude!

Ryan tried to vocalize his lack of oxygen intake, but all he could manage to get out were a series of choking sounds. This was enough of a sign to Apple Bloom that she should probably let go of the poor thing.

She removed herself from the struggling human, allowing him to sit up and gasp like he had been holding his breath for the climax of a terrible movie.

Fuck, did you spill the cider?

Ryan's face instantly became filled with dread as he looked over the half empty bottle in his hands. He hadn't spilled any of it, prompting him to let out a relieved sigh.

Apple Bloom offered him an apologetic smile, which he responded to by flicking her on the snoot.

Applejack laughed a bit at them. "That's enough, you two. Come on over here and have some pie."

Ryan pulled himself back onto his feet, giving AJ a questioning look as he took a seat at the table. "Aren't you supposed to be in Manehattan?"

"I was," She responded from her seat right across from him. "but the owner I made the delivery to was kind enough to get me a ride back home via Pegasus."

"Oh..." He said.

Don't do it

The family sat in silence as Granny Smith sliced up the pie and started handing the pieces out.

Don't do it

Ryan picked up his fork, stabbing at the pie a few times

Fuck it, I'm bored. Do it!

Ryan glanced up at Applejack, waiting for her eyes to meet his. "So who was the one doing the riding, you or the Pegasus?"

In that moment, it was almost like a priest had stubbed his toe and yelled 'Fuck' in a church. All that could be heard was the clinging of forks dropping onto plate and a snorty chuckle from Apple Bloom.

Granny Smith on the other hand seemed to be lost in her own little world.

Ryan bit down on both of his lips, doing his best to keep a straight face. Big Mac was stuck in a similar position. The look that the human was receiving from Applejack just made it so much more enjoyable.

The cowpony just stared at him for what felt like hours before finally speaking. "Ah don't even know how to respond to that..."

WIN!!!

"Are you sure you can't stay?" Apple Bloom asked pleadingly. She looked like she was about to be brought to tears by the human's departure. "It's not like you haven't before."

Ryan placed a hand on her head, ruffling her mane some. "Calm down, child. You act you're never gonna see me again."

Almost instantly the watery look in her eyes vanished. "Dang, I thought that would work."

"You can't fool me that easily." He said with a knowing smirk. She had tried the teary eyed stare on him once or twice before, so he knew better. "But, I got my own house and I plan on using it."

"Fine." The filly huffed in defeat, wrapping her arms around Ryan's waist as her final goodbye before heading off back into the house.

Applejack walked out from behind the door, offering Ryan a warm smile. "You know you're more than welcome to stay here if you'd like."

"Sweet Christ, not you too."

The orange mare gave him a punch in the arm, causing him to stumble a bit. "Shut up, ya vermin. " She said with a laugh. "Come on, what's the harm in one night?"

Ryan gave her an 'Eh, I don't know' kind of look, to which she responded by fluttering her lashes at him. "You could always stay in mah room if ya like."

His head locked in place as his eyes started going up and down her body.

No, you can't let her win! You must resist!

He tried, he tried so hard not to fall for her charms. While the others weren't looking, she lifted her shirt, exposing her toned midsection and her bra clad breasts to him. She knew his weakness....

"God dammit, I hate you." He lazily breathed out.

"It's better than standin' outside of Fluttershy's window and having nothin'." She added.

Okay, that one stung...

Author's Note

Yeah, that's right! He's a whore, he's a dick, and he's plowing almost every mare he can get his hands on...In short, I made him a lot more like me :P
Y'all can thank Dundundun for this chapter being posted so early. Happy birthday, buddy!
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. If you did, feel free to slap that LIKE button like a bitch! SHare this story with your friends and leave a comment below, comments make me feel special.

Colorful Memories

Ryan glanced over at the bed after slipping his coat on, taking one last look at the naked orange mare still sleeping peacefully. He silently zipped up his coat and tiptoed over to the window, opening it slowly so that it would make as little noise as possible. Once opened he stuck his head out.

Yep, still snowy and cold as fuck.

He cursed under his breath as he looked out over the orchard, but pressed on, easing his legs through and eventually his whole body. Closing the window with the same speed he opened it with, he was positive that he was silent enough not to wake anypony.

Just as he was about to work his way off of the roof, one slip of the foot though was all it took to send him plummeting into the snow padded ground below. He landed with a soft thud, the only truly audible sound made being the crack of his bones from landing on his back.

He gritted his teeth, groaning in pain. "Brain...status report."

Something popped...I don't know what it was...But it hurts

"You're fucking useless." He muttered before forcing himself onto his stomach so he would be able to use his hands to help himself up. "Dammit all, my everything hurts now."

Not your dick.

"With my luck it won't be too long."

Ryan started making his way back to town. He wanted to go home and lock himself up for the next few days, but there were some things he needed to stock up on if he wanted to survive that. Important things; Like food, water-

Don't forget the booze

"Obviously I'm going to forget to buy the only thing that keeps me alive..." He said sarcastically to no one in particular.

It was still pretty early, early enough in fact that even the Apple family was still in bed, so none of the stores were open. "Really didn't think this through."

Maybe listening to me every so often wouldn't be such a bad idea.

"Fuck. Off. Asshole!"

"Who the hay are you yelling at?"

Ryan let out a less-than-manly yelp and jumped from the sudden vocalization. While the area in front of him was empty, he wasn't alone. His eyes shot to the sky, having heard it come from above him, to see the cyan blue, hot-head with a colorful mane and a bad attitude.

He then proceeded to let out a less-than-pleased sigh after realizing who it was. "No one, Dash. Don't worry about it."

Dash hovered down to the ground, landing less than two feet from Ryan. "Don't tell me not to worry about it. I'll worry about it if I damn-well please."

"Does everything have to be a fucking argument?" He asked in a raised tone.

"With you; Yes, it does!"

Things with Rainbow Dash and Ryan had been like this for some time now; Ever since what happened between them...

Day 38: Ryan's House

"Give up yet?" Ryan asked with a victorious grin plastered across his face, his right arm curled around the kneeling blue Pegasus' neck.

"Never..." Rainbow managed to choke out, struggling against him as best as she could in this position.

He squeezed tighter, pulling on her just enough to make her back arch uncomfortably. "Maybe now you'll stop and think about doing your tricks somewhere that won't have you crashing through someone's roof!"

Using a bit more effort than she would like to admit, Rainbow managed to buck Ryan off of her and into a wall just below the hole she created in his ceiling. The cyan mare climbed back to her feet, ready to continue the assault if necessary.

Ryan took a second to recuperate.

Girl's got one hell of a kick.

"No shit..."

Day 39: Park Bench

"You really thought I was a burglar?" Rainbow asked with a bit of a laugh.

"At first! Think about it this way for a second;" Ryan began, "In a world where people don't have wings or magic, someone falling through your roof isn't a very common occurrence. However, the few times where it does happen, it's either a burglar, a stalker, or a serial killer."

Her eyes widened a bit at this. "Woah...I guess that explains why you freaked out and attacked me."

"I'm just surprised more ponies haven't attacked you."

Rainbow chuckled softly. "I have had a few close calls, but most ponies just throw me out."

Ryan shook his head, looking disappointed. "You ponies are way too nice to each other."

Day 62: Ponyville

Ryan had pretty much tuned out Rainbow Dash during their walk. This had become fairly normal for them after they actually started hanging out. During these moments she would go on and on about what she wanted to do with the Wonderbolts. After she got accepted into their academy and was eventually put on the team, she pretty much never shut up about them.

A light blue hand entered Ryan's vision, the sound of its fingers snapping pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Hello!" Rainbow practically yelled into his ear. "Equestria to Ryan, are you in there?"

Ryan swatted at her hand as the mare tried digging her fingers into his ear. This little act also became common between the two. The human's tendency to zone out every now and again had the annoyed Pegasus looking for any way to bring him back to reality.

Rainbow Dash laughed as he slapped her hand away from him before sliding it into one of her pockets and continuing to walk in silence with him for a moment.

After a few minutes had passed she took the liberty of stepping out in front of Ryan, making him stop and stare at her in confusion.

What's she doing?

"How long have we known each other?" She asked, only further kicking his confusion.

Ryan raised a hand and scratched at his head. "Pretty much since I moved here?"
What is she doing!?

She started to rock back and forth on her feet nervously, looking in every direction but his. "So, it's safe to say that it's been just under four weeks, right?"

"I guess..." He said as Rainbow Dash pointed her head to the ground, her eyes sealing themselves shut as she appeared to be struggling with something.

I know she's planning something!

"I know this is sudden, but..." She pulled her hand out of her pocket, holding up a bright blue feather in front of him.

*Shatter*

Ryan stared at the feather, his brain officially fried and already giving up on trying to understand what was going on. At this point, it was easier just to accept what was happening.

He grabbed the feather, causing Rainbow to barely open one of her eyes and watch him examine it.

Jesus Christ, all of that over a feather? You'd think she was trying to ask us out.

"This is one of yours, right?" He asked, still not focusing much on anything.

"Yeah," She barely managed to force out. Attempting to speak right now was probably the most difficult thing she's had to do since trying to change her nickname in the academy. "it's one of my primary's."

...Is she saying we need more color or something?

With a quick shrug he stuck the feather between his head and his ear, angling it so it curled upward slightly. "There, am I pretty enough for you now?"

Rainbow's breath became caught in her throat as excitement started to overtake her. The usually hard-headed tomboy horse was giggling like a schoolgirl with a dazed look about her. That odd moment passed as she tackled Ryan to the ground in an odd combination of huggles and snuggles.

Not even ten minutes later she practically dragged him back to his house where they proceeded to have some of the fastest paced sex he had ever experience. Usually he lasted a lot longer than half an hour, but with the speed she would pick up while riding him, it became a difficult feat.

Day 65: Twilight's Castle

"It means what!?" Ryan shouted at the alicorn princess, grabbing the blue feather from the side of his head and tossing it away from him.

A few minutes ago he had walked in and Twilight spotted the feather. She teased him about it at first, but he clearly wasn't getting the joke. Then she asked him a few questions, learning quickly that; The feather was a primary, it belonged to Rainbow Dash, she had given it to him, and he accepted it without knowing its meaning.

"How could you have not known this?" Twilight asked with a certain amount of shock. "This is common pony knowledge!"

"I AM NOT A FUCKING HORSE!!!" He snapped, "I do not know this shit!"

In most cases, the word horse would be deemed offensive, but after a long heated argument the last time he called them horses, she could understand his usage of it.

We are in quite the spot, good sir.

Ryan collapsed ass first onto the floor, eventually letting the rest of him collide with the ground. "What the fuck am I gonna do?" He asked no one in particular. "God dammit, she thinks we're dating..."

Twilight placed a finger to her chin. "How long have you two been together? In her eyes, of course."

He let out a sigh as he pressed his hands against his face. "About three days, I think."

Her eyes went wide. Although she and Ryan never spent too much time around each other, she did like to keep up with what he did on a regular basis. "Then that would mean-"

"I already cheated on her twice." Ryan finished for her. "I know; now I feel like an ass."

Twilight shifted uncomfortably. "I guess the only thing you could do now is-"

"Spill the beans, tell her I didn't know, probably break her heart." He finished again.

"Well, when you put it that way it makes it sound like a bad idea."

"It's not the worst, but it has to be done."

Same Day: Somewhere on the outskirts of Ponyville

Rainbow Dash came zooming out of the clouds like a bullet, surprising Ryan as she managed to bring herself to a full stop just inches away from him.

"Hey, how's it going?" She asked with a large smile, looking like the absolute happiest mare in Equestria. Before Ryan could reply, the mare was upon him, her lips pressed firmly against his. She pulled away, breathing heavily onto his face. "I can't talk for long, got a lot of cloud busting to do. Whatcha need?"

Ryan blinked a few times, shaking his head a bit to clear his mind so he could talk to her. "Right, I needed to talk to you about-"

"Where's my feather?" Rainbow asked, taking notice that it wasn't in its usual place behind his ear. "Do you still have it?"

"That's actually what I came here to-"

"Did you lose it?" She asked, once again cutting him off. "If you did you don't really need to worry about it."

"Rainbow Dash, we really need to-"

"I mean, we're already together anyways."

The girl kept going on and on. She was like a blue, slim, athletic version of Pinkie pie right now and it just wouldn't end. Every time he tried to speak she'd cut him off not even three words in. It was starting to get annoying, which was clear by the single vein pulsing just in front of his temple.

Ryan placed both hands to his head as he started the downward spiral of losing his metaphorical shit. "Schließen Sie Ihren Mund, Sie verrückt fuck!"

Rainbow Dash fell silent, mostly out of confusion. For one, she didn't understand why he sounded angry. For two, she had no idea he was bilingual...She also didn't have a clue what the sam hell he just said.

Ryan took a deep breath, letting the blood that had rushed to his face slowly sink back into his body. "We need to talk."

She took a few steps back from him. "Okay..."

"First off; I'm as sorry as I can be for this," He began, "but I had no idea what the fuck that whole feather thing was about. I didn't know what it meant to accept your feather."

That sounds and feels really weird when you say it out loud

"I know this is going to sound WAY overused," Ryan continued, doing his best to say what he could before she could possibly get mad at him. "but it's not you. This is my fault, I'm not looking for a relationship."

Rainbow Dash looked like she was about ready to bawl her eyes out. The mare who, at one point, looked like she could take on the world with her smiling face now looked like she was about to end her own life. "H-how could you not have known?"

Ryan could tell by her tone that she wanted to sound angry, but her expression made it all too clear how she was feeling. "Call me uncultured, but I didn't know."

She wanted desperately not to believe him, to come up with some other reason why he wouldn't want to be with her. He mind settled on one of the worst possible solutions. "There's somepony else isn't there?"

"What?"

"Who is she!?" The rainbow maned Pegasus snapped, looking ready to beat the ever-loving shit out of someone. "Tell me who she is and I'll make sure she can't come between us!"

"Will you stop!" He yelled back. "I didn't know! It's a simple as that! Excuse me for not knowing that your stupid fucking feather counted as wedding ring in this backward ass, retarded, horse society!"

It was in that moment that Ryan knew he had fucked up. A single swing directly to the side of his head from the pissed off mare was all he needed to know that his point had come across.

Did I say 'good sir'? I meant, Dumb Bitch...

Present Day

After that, the two had been stuck in a twisted Love/Hate relationship. Ryan knew that she still cared a great deal for him, and that she would even stalk him from time to time, but she never let go of that grudge either. The most positive interaction between the two was when they would get into a heated argument, become fuming mad, then fuck like animals before one eventually threw the other out of a closed window.

"Look, sweetheart-"

"Don't call me that." She hissed.

"Okay, bitch." He corrected, making her eyes narrow at him. "I don't have the time nor the energy to deal with you right now. So if you don't mind, I'd like to go home."

Ryan tried to walk past her, but she moved in front of him. "Oh, so you have time to buck my friends, but you can't talk to me?"

His eyes wandered around for a second, as if he were contemplating a thought. "Yeah, pretty much."

The tension in the air suddenly started to thicken immensely. What was once a gentle breeze caressing your body and filling your body with life was now a deadly toxin that could give you cancer upon inhalation.

Rainbow was about ready to start another onslaught of flying fists with the human, but a sudden rush of pink ran across her sight with the speed of a demon on cocaine. The only thing she could really see was the brightly colored blur and the area in front of her now being devoid of any living creature.

The growl that escaped her throat could reduce even the strongest of men into a puddle of piss.

Ryan's body slammed into a wall with enough force to shatter bones, luckily for him nothing was broken. But damn, did it hurt. The next thing to grace his sight was the always bubbly and hyperactive pink maniac that tormented this town. He also took in enough of his surroundings to know that he was inside of Sugar Cube Corner. How that mare moves so fast and doesn't do drugs will remain a mystery until the end of days.

"Sorry about that, Ryan." She said in her usual high pitched tone, nearly making his eardrums pop. "I just had to get you out of there. It looked like you two were gonna start fighting again and last time you broke A LOT of stuff."

The almost broken human raised an arm to the back of his head, feeling a slight lump forming from the impact. The fight that would have broken out would have probably left him in a much worse condition, so this was acceptable. "Yeah, thanks Pinks."

"No problem!" She said as she bounded over into the back room, coming back only seconds later with an ice pack. "Here you go!"

Ryan accepted the pack, placing it against his now throbbing head in an attempt to bring down the swelling. "I can already tell that today is gonna suck."

Pinkie let out an over exaggerated gasp, her hands pressing firmly against both sides of her head. "It's not even six in the morning and you already know that today will be bad?"

The pink mare suddenly took a more determined stance beside Ryan. "Auntie Pinkie cannot allow this!" she spoke purpose, sounding as if she had just accepted some kind of dangerous mission, only to quickly go back to her normal obnoxiousness. "I will personally see to it that today will be the funnest ever!"

"You can stay here all day and I will give you all the attention you could ask for!" She finally finished, earning an unpleasant sigh from the human.

Oh God, kill me now...

Author's Note

Even comedies have their serious moments. Don't worry, tis isn;t going to be a regular occurrence. Regardless, I still hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. If you are, feel free to slap that LIKE button like a bitch! Share this story with your friends and leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P

All Is Pink

ShootMeShootMeShootMeShootMeShootMeShitme- FUCK!

Not even a full hour had passed when Pinkie had all but magically appeared out of thin air to save Ryan from another brutal beat down with his not-so-ex marefriend and he was already debating whether or not to beat her with a stick. While he did appreciate the gesture and was happy he wouldn't be going home covered in bruises, there was only so much his gratitude could take before it would eventually turn into a steaming cauldron of 'Fuck off and die!'

He was doing his best to ignore the hyperactive mare, sitting back in his chair and watching through the window as a small number of ponies left their homes and opened up their stalls and stores.

Six O'clock finally rolled in, causing the small black device on Ryan's hip to shake and vibrate.
"And the man in the back said, 'Everyone attack!' and it turned into a Ballroom Blitz!
And the girl in the corner said, 'Boy, I wanna warn ya. It'll turn into a Ballroom Blitz!'
Ballroom Blitz!"

Pinkie's eyes lit up as she practically lunged herself toward the device, her legs curled and her face resting mere inches from it as it continued to play the tune. "I've never heard this song before."

"And you never will." Ryan said, grabbing his phone and yanking it hard from it's clip on his side, causing Pinkie to recoil a bit as its upper half smacked her in the jaw.

"Owie!" Pinkie exclaimed, pressing an open hand just below her mouth. She lifted her head from the human's side, rubbing the afflicted area with a pained expression.

Ryan swiped his thumb across the screen, turning off his morning alarm and silencing the device before replacing it back onto his side with a light pop as it locked in place. His eyes wandered over to his side to see Pinkie looking at him with sad eyes, tears quickly developing in them.

Oh God, please no!

Ryan blinked in confusion, a strange feeling of dread filling his gut. He angles his head to the side and just like that the once happy pink mare was bawling her eyes out, literally forming puddles of tears at his feet. As if she weren't obnoxious enough already, her wailing could probably be heard from Canterlot.

He rose up from his chair, grabbing Pinkie by the shoulders and giving her a light shake. "Okay, I'm sorry!" His half assed apology did nothing to rid her of the sadness. "Stop it!"

The crying continued, driving Ryan to press his hands against his ears in a desperate attempt to save what was left of his eardrums. "Fuck, make it stop!"

I hate to say it, but you're going to have to be nice.

"Are you crazy!?" Ryan yelled in shock. Something like that to even be suggested to him was nothing short of insane.

I want you to take a moment to stop and think.

He blinked a few times, his hands still firmly shoved against his ear holes.

Now look at her

Ryan obeyed, staring Pinkie right in her weeping face.

Now look lower

Again, he listened. His eyes traveled down to her well-endowed chest and slightly plump stomach. She wasn't fat by any means, but she did have noticeably more meat on her bones than the rest of her circle. It was almost that desirable amount of girly pudge that you just wanna lay your head down on and take a four hour nap.

Now get a quick glance at her hips.

And like that he was won over. Pinkie's waist matched the rest of her body, being a bit larger than the average pony, but not disgustingly so. The many years of pastry consumption had surprisingly done what every man hoped it would and added a whole lot of cushion to her round flank.

You see what's at stake here, right?

Ryan let out a defeated sigh. "Of the seven sins; I am Lust..."

At least until they add 'Asshole' to that list.

Not wanting to lose such a hot mare as a friend, and occasional cuddle buddy, he removed his hands from his ears and quickly wrapped his arms around Pinkie. The effects took hold almost instantly, her crying seeming to vanish into thin air and leaving nothing more than a light sniffing in its wake.

Pinkie returned the hug, holding a small smile on her face. If only Ryan knew that this was just a ploy. The hyperactive mare had learned pretty quickly that her human companion was immune to puppy eyes and just about anything related, but if she started crying he would eventually cave and at least try to be nice. She had been taking advantage of this for some time.

Ryan pulled himself away from Pinkie, the expression on his face showing that he was angry, of course it was at himself, he hated being nice. Still, he figured that playing the good guy role for a bit would be more beneficial for him at the moment. He reached down and grabbed his phone, swiping his index finger across the screen a few times before setting it down on a table and walking out of the room.

"Oh yeah! It was like lightning, everybody was frightening!
And the music was soothing, and they all started grooving.
And the man in the back said, 'Everyone attack!' and it turned into a Ballroom Blitz!"

Pinkie threw her arms into the air, letting out a triumphant yell as she grabbed ahold of the device and listened to the rest of the song.

2 Hours Later

Next time...we let her cry herself to death

Ryan sat off in a corner behind the counter at Sugar Cube Corner, doing his best to coax the headache out of his skull by massaging his temples with his fingertips. Even while running the bakery, loaded line and all, Pinkie still found time between each customer to talk his ear off.

Each time she would speak lasted a total of two minutes, but with everything she would pack into the one-sided conversation it seemed like she could fill out a novel. Needless to say, her idea of making his day better was not working at all. There was even a point where Rainbow Dash came in and he had to hide out in the freezer so she wouldn't see him.

It wasn't like he couldn't handle the mare, or take her on in a fight, but he wasn't feeling up for it today. He felt more tired than anything, which was surprising to him since he hasn't really done anything.

The laziness will consume us all!

As time continued to fly by with the only thing filling the void being Pinkie's insatiable need to run her mouth, Ryan was starting to think that it was time for him to head home.

He rose out of his spot, stretching out his arms and legs and eliciting several popping sounds from his body.

Before he could take a single step, a pink blur rushed into his vision. How Pinkie can simply appear out of thin air will continue to baffle him until he finds out what drugs she is taking...or was it a constant sugar rush from all of the baked goods that are likely coursing through her veins? Fuck it; Either way he'd die, whether it be by overdose or diabetes was still the question though.

"What's up?" She asked, speaking almost too fast for him to keep up with. "Where are you going?"

"Home." He replied bluntly, "I've got a raging headache and I'd really like to go to bed."

Pinkie put on a disappointed look. He'd been sitting back here all day and hasn't said or done anything fun. "Sheesh, you're no fun when you're-" She paused mid-sentence, her eyes nearly bulging out of her sockets as another large gasp escaped her throat. "I'll be right back!"

In another flurry of pink blurs, she was gone and back in the blink of an eye, holding some sort of bottle in her hands out to Ryan with an eager smile plastered across her face. "Here!"

Ryan shot her an inquisitive look, not understanding why she was offering him some random bottle of God knows what. Regardless, he grabbed the bottle and examined it. It was an alcoholic beverage, so naturally he wouldn't be able to turn it down. The Irish blood circulating through him would turn to bile and poison him if he ever committed such a crime. That would be borderline blasphemy to his people! And while his Irish blood would be strangling him to death, his inner German would be by its side punching him in the dick just for fun.

Double the fuckery for only half of the reason.

As you can see, the decision was made for him. In fact, it was made during his inner monologue as his body reacted on its own by popping off the top and sucking down the harsh liquid. The familiar burning in his stomach filled his body with an irreplaceable warmth and sent shivers along his spine.

Let's see if we can't make today a little better

Applejack shivered slightly as the cold air hit her, the wind gently brushing against the fur on her face and digging its way to the skin below. Rather than complain though, she continued on with her walk, still talking to the mare beside her.

"Ah just don't understand why he feels the need to sneak out every time he stays over." She explained to her friend, "Mah family already knows that we fool around, even Granny's been able to figure it out despite how dense she can be."

Twilight, unable to answer for the human's bizarre behavior, was only able to offer little more that a shrug in response. "Ryan's an interesting character, to say the least. But, I'm sure he has his reasons. They might not good ones, but they're still reasons."

Applejack sighed, trying to figure out why he acts the way he does. She'd probably never know, but that doesn't stop her from wondering. "Yep, he's an oddity alright. There's no denying that."

The two fell silent as they came upon Sugar Cube Corner. Their plan was to go in, have a few cupcakes, say 'Hi' to Pinkie, and be on their way. However, when they opened the door they found a pretty interesting sight. Every table in the bakery was empty and the chairs were missing. A quick glance over to the counter and they were able figured out why.

A large group of ponies had taken their seats and moved them over by the counter, where they could sit and listen to the human speak, all while laughing their tails off. Pinkie could just barely be seen through the group, leaning up with her elbows pressed against the wood and her chin resting on her fists.

Ryan sat on top of the counter, a half empty bottle in his hands, doing his best not to laugh at himself. "The farmer says to him, 'I can put you up for the night, but you're gonna have to stay in the barn.' So the guy spends the night there and the next morning the farmer comes in and asks, 'Were you comfortable?'"

"The guy says, 'Yeah, I had a great time. I talked to all the animals.' The farmer gives him a weird look and says, 'You talked to the animals?' The guy says, 'Yeah, I spoke to the chickens. They say you collect the eggs every morning exactly five minutes after six.' The farmer looks at him in shock and says, 'That's exactly right!'"

"The guy went on to say, 'The goat told me his name is Odis, you've owned him for ten years.' The farmer says, 'That's incredible!' Then the guy says, 'I spoke to the peacock. She said her name is Elsie, and you feed her every morning at exactly eight-thirty.' The farmer says, 'That's amazing.'"

"Finally, the guy says, 'And then I spoke to the sheep.' And the farmer screams, 'Those sheep are lying!'"

The crowd broke out into an uproarious laughter, many ponies leaning against their friends for support and some even doubling over onto the floor. Even Twilight, who was still standing by the door, had to put a hand over her mouth to keep herself from busting her gut.

Applejack on the other hand wasn't as amused as eveypony else. "I beg your pardon!"

Her yell overpowered the bakery, making everypony fall silent and one certain human yelp out of surprise before falling backward and toppling onto the floor.

Ryan curled up behind the counter, doing his best to stay hidden among the assortment of cupcakes that had been knocked over some time ago. Clearly this plan worked perfectly as the cowpony marched over to the counter, leaning her upper body over it just enough to look down at the cowering human.

He looked up at her, and she looked down at him...This silent stare down went on for a while, the tension in the air staying at a constant rhythm between 'This is creepy.' and 'Someone's gonna die.'

Applejack opened her mouth to speak, likely to chew out Ryan's ass for making such an offensive joke. However, before she could get the first syllable out, one of the cupcakes that littered the floor was shoved into her mouth and another one was smeared across her face.

With the distraction in place, Ryan could focus on a plan of escape. A second passes and the human launched his body out of a closed window, shattering it as his body flew through and landed on the snow covered ground outside.

Given how heavy the weather was, it was hard to see him taking off, even for the ponies that leaned their heads out of the now broken window. But they could hear him Zoidberging, as he called it, away with a series of 'woob, woob, woob's' echoing in the distance.

The rest of the day went on like normal. Ponies that were in the bakery eventually left, making way for new ponies to come in, place orders, and leave as well. Fixing the window wasn't much of a chore either. Ever since Ryan had shown up in this world, a lot of things seemed to break on a regular basis, glass being on the top of the victims list. So Pinkie made sure to stock up on mirrors, windows, drinking glasses and so on in case of glass emergencies.

Not a soul had seen or heard from Ryan after his over dramatic escape. Many would likely assume that he was either out wandering around like the drunk bastard he is, or that he went home and passed out. It was usually one of the two, this wasn't exactly anything new.

Pinkie served the last customer of the day and locked up the bakery, doing a quick run through to make sure everything was neat and clean. Once she was sure that everything was in order, she bounded up to her room with a happy smile. Although she seemed as energetic as ever, she felt tired from the work day and decided to hit the hay early so she could be ready ahead of time tomorrow.

She opened the door to her room and flipped the light switch, illuminating the small area. It wasn't much, but it was hers and she was happy to have it. The mare skipped over to her dresser, sifting through to find a set of pajamas when a strange movement disturbed her peripherals.

Her head cocked to the side, taking in one half of the room. Her bed was resting on the floor against the wall, a dresser sat off in the corner, her closet door was open and standing off a few feet away from the dresser, and her window was shut with a figure sitting outside of it covered in snow.

Pinkie's pupils shrink a bit before she rushed over to the window, yanking it open with everything she had. The process was rather difficult, she could see the thick layer of ice surrounding its edges outside, but she didn't let that stop her. With one hard tug the ice broke and the window slid open.

The body limply fell through the now open structure, slamming head first into the floor with a loud thud and letting out a soft 'mrrrr.'

Pinkie flipped the body over, grabbing it by the shoulders and shaking it almost violently. "Ryan, are you okay? Speak to me!"

"Stop!" Ryan yelled, finding it difficult to formulate a full sentence when his body felt like it was being jerked around by a jackhammer. "Shaking! Me! You! Crazy! Bitch!"

"You're Alive!" She exclaimed happily, pulling him into a tight embrace. One of which broke faster than it had started when her face brushed against his. "Holy Celestia, you're cold!"

"Um, yeah." He commented, "I've kind of been sitting on your roof for...a while now, I guess."

"Why would you do that!?" Pinkie yelled, shaking him once again as she did so. "Are you trying to catch your death?"

"It's not like I did it on purpose!" Ryan managed to force out, then waiting for Pinkie to stop shaking him so he could continue. "I didn't expect the window to be frozen." He explained, "I climbed up, tried to open it, then nodded off shortly after."

"You poor, poor thing." Pinkie said, feeling bad for the living ice block in her hands. "Let's get you warmed up."

Normally Ryan would reject almost everything Pinkie would suggest for him out of fear of losing his sanity. However, he was colder than the ninth gate of hell and would never turn down the chance to warm up. He always hated the cold.

Pinkie was quick to get back onto her feet, pulling Ryan along with her.

Ryan was still fairly buzzed, having used the alcohol to keep him warm, so he didn't notice it when Pinkie had started stripping him of his clothing until his shirt was already off and she went for his pants.

"Woah." He muttered as reality started coming back to him. "Woah, woah, woah!"

Ryan took several steps back, grabbing hold of his loosely hanging belt. "The hell are you doing?"

Pinkie rolled her eyes, moving on to removing her clothing. "In several weather conditions there are certain protocols that need to be taken." She began, successfully removing her shirt and bra. "When it comes to cold you are supposed to strip down completely and huddle against each other for warmth." By the end of that statement the pink mare was standing before him completely naked. "You really should read more. You might learn something fun!"

Ryan's left eye twitched as his brain was stuck between the fact that she had insulted his intelligence with little more than a few words and a smile, and that she was standing naked in front of him expecting cuddles.

Want...to...punch her...but naked cuddles...

Before Ryan could make up his mind, Pinkie was already leading him over to the bed, skillfully removing his pants before shoving him under the covers. She joined him, wrapping her arms around his form after pulling his head into her bosom, allowing him to be buried under the large layer of tit flesh that hung from her body.

You win this round, Pink one...But only because I'm letting you!

Stop Bugging Me

Ryan laid flat, his back firmly pressed against the snow covered ground. Admittedly his attempt to sneak out of Pinkie's window could have been much more graceful, but instead it ended as it always did; Slip, tumble, crack, owie.

With his spine feeling as though it had been severed in six different places, he settled with laying outside in the cold for a few moments. His mind prayed to whatever deity could be watching over him to save him without bringing in one of his so-called friends. Once again, luck was not on his side. While things could have gone much worse, this alternative wasn't far from it.

The form of a mare could be seen in the distance. Her fur was the color of human skin and her long mane was a dark orange color. Several freckles decorated her face and chest. A majority of her upper body was covered in a thick brown coat and her legs donned a pair of black snow pants.

Sadly, this was a mare that Ryan knew all too well. Not too long ago she had tracked him down to his house, broken in, and forced upon him one of the most annoying sob stories he had ever heard. He had no sympathy for her, especially after what he was forced to put up with upon their first meeting.

She made her way over to the collapsed human, stopping when her feet were just a few inches from his head. She leaned over to get a better look at him, her emerald green eyes locking onto his bright, but agitated looking, blue eyes.

An irksome smile made its way across her face. "Hey, big guy." She said in a tone that made the human want to punch her repeatedly in the throat. "How's it hanging down there?"

"Loosely," Ryan replied, the pain he was feeling causing him to grunt out his words. "And if I had more than two, I'd tell you to suck all of them."

Ryan's comment earned him a light chuckle from the mare. "Come on," She said, offering her hand to him. "Let's get you home."

Uh, guy. I don't think that's a good-

A loud crack came from Ryan's back as he tried to pull himself up. It was loud enough to make even the mare trying to help him cringe.

...owie...

Ryan fell back to the ground, his expression being nothing short of pure agony. "Okay...I may have actually fucked something up this time..." He said through clenched teeth, his eyes just barely being open. "Do me a favor and find a rock."

The mare cocked her head while shooting him a questioning gaze. "Um, why?"

"I need you to bludgeon me to death." He said, the pain still very present within him. "If there's one good thing you can do in this world, let it be putting me out of my misery."

She rolled her eyes, bending her knees until she was low enough to the ground to slide her hands under Ryan's shoulders. "What are you doing?" He asked, receiving no response as he felt her grip tighten on him. "What's happening!?" The mare pulled up on Ryan's body and shoved him forward, forcing his body into a sitting position. His bones let out a sickening crack with every bit of movement. "Cock juggling, thunder cunt!"

"Would you shut up!" She hissed into his ear. "It may be early, but I don't need you drawing attention."

"Firstly; Fuck you!" He yelled, his face contorting from the pain. "Secondly; It's five in the morning, no one is awake." He continued, "And lastly; Eat. My. Ass! It fucking hurt!!"

The mare shook her head before lifting Ryan's coat. His back looked more like he had fallen off of a rocky mountain than out of a window. Several bones could be seen, clearly in places where they shouldn't be. "You've really done it this time." She said, pressing a now open, glowing green hand against the center of his back. "Let me see what I can do."

"What do you mean-AHHH!!!" Ryan's scream could be heard for miles as he felt his bones being forced out of place and shoved elsewhere like some kind of fucked up jigsaw puzzle. "Jesus Hitler Christ!"

The mare reeled her arm back, tightening her hand into a fist before delivering a hard punch to Ryan's shoulder. There was one final 'Pop' as her fist connected with him.

Ryan slumped over to the side, his body twisting in every direction as he tried to fight the pain, screaming all the while. Slowly, but surely, the pain began to recede and he laid face down in the snow, deciding to never move again so long as he drew breath.

Movement can be a thing when we die and come back as a zombie

Ryan's quote, unquote, friend took a breath, feeling pretty good about her work on her human companion. With a quick shake of her hand the greenish light illuminating from her vanished. She then proceeded to grab the still grounded human and force him up over her shoulder.

The walk to Ryan's house was silent for the most part. The only thing that managed to escape his mouth was the occasional groan and she didn't have much to say at the moment either.

Once inside, Ryan's body was planted ass-first onto a wooden chair inside of his kitchen. His head lazily rose up to the mare as his focus started coming back. Most of the pain had subsided, but he still felt sore.

The mare decided to get comfortable, slipping off her coat and snow pants to reveal a rather casual outfit beneath; A pair of blue jeans and a white V-neck T-shirt, both of which belonged to Ryan at one point. Her body then became engulfed in an ominous green glow, causing her entire form to change in size, color, and shape.

Her once long, orange mane was now a light bluish color, her fur had simply disappeared from her body and left a very dark grey skin in its wake. She became slightly taller than she once was, her chest nearly doubled in size, and finally a set of bug-like wings and a long jagged horn grew from her body.

She let out a content sigh as a smile worked its way across her lips. "Mmm, much better." Her snake-like eyes wandered over to Ryan as he sat in silence, watching her with a less-than-amused look. "See something you like?"

Her joking did little to change Ryan's mood. He was in pain and wasn't feeling up to dealing with anyone else's shit today. "Yeah, a block of cheese would be nice right about now." He replied, "Can you get out of my house now?"

Chrysalis placed a hand to her chest, doing a false impression of being insulted. "You would throw me out?" She said, walking over to Ryan and sitting down on his lap with her legs hanging off to the side. "And after I helped you?"

Ryan shot her a deadpan expression. "Yeah, you are still barely climbing up the ladder of what I feel you owe me."

"What I owe you!" The once Queen of the changelings exclaimed, now actually appearing to feel genuinely offended. "I welcomed you into my hive-"

"Kidnapped me into your hive..." Ryan corrected, his expression not budging an inch.

She blinked, trying to come up with something to say. "I gave you a comfortable place to stay-"

"You tied me to the very chair we are sitting in..."

She blinked twice, "I satisfied you every night-"

"Raped me every hour on the hour..."

She blinked thrice, looking fairly uncertain about herself at the moment. "You had three full meals a day-"

"A slice of bread and a glass of water is hardly a meal..."

Chrysalis opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't seem to find the words. A throaty growl worked its way out of her as she crossed her arms. "Okay, so things started off rough."

Now it was Ryan's turn to blink. Only he didn't blink, instead his left eye twitched multiple times as he stared down the rather attractive bug sitting on him. "You stole me, raped me, and had me locked up for nearly two weeks until your hive came crumbling down. And on top of that; You sought me out and bombarded me with all of your feelings of distress and sadness while also holding me down against my own floor so I wouldn't stab you."

Why aren't you stabbing her now; Is my question.

Chrysalis rolled her eyes at him. "Would you let it go already. That was a long time ago, so you can stop pissing and moaning already."

"It was wasn't even a month ago."

"Exactly," She began, placing a hand on either side of his head and staring into his eyes. "That's more than long enough." She added, fluttering her lashes at him as her head inched closer to his. "So how about you and I-"

Ryan pointed the tip of a pocket knife at her neck, causing her to stop in her tracks and even pull back some. "Do not play with me, lady. I will tear your world a-fucking-sunder..."

Chrysalis reluctantly submitted, climbing off of Ryan's lap and walking to the other side of the kitchen. "Fine, be that way." She said as she pressed her back against a wall directly in front of him. "And here I was going to-" She paused as she caught sight of him pulling out another knife and flipping it open, striking them menacingly against each other.

The overgrown changeling swallowed nervously. While she would normally be able to take down anything that went against her, Ryan seemed to be some kind of exception; Especially when she was low on power. One of the most uncomfortable things was that he had been able to break out of any restraining spells she had put on him, even when her magic was at a decent level. Another would have to be how easily he could overlook her attempts to mate with him. Her pheromones were always enough to lure any stallion into bed, one of the many perks of being a changeling, but it had almost zero effect on Ryan.

Chrysalis sighed, defeated once again.

"I need a place to stay." She finally admitted, her head hanging as she spoke.

Ryan's eyes didn't leave her. He remained in his spot, the knives still clenched tightly in his hands. "Go on..."

Her head angled every which way but his as she continued. "My new hive isn't starting off as well as I had hoped. I believe I have become..." She stopped for a moment, finding this next part difficult to say. Her body started to tremble and she appeared to be doing whatever she could to keep him from seeing her face. "I fear I may be infertile."

Despite not being able to see her face, Ryan could clearly tell how she was feeling. The last sentence that came from her carried a certain tone to it, one that sang a symphony of sorrow.

As far as he knew, the only reason for a bug queen to exist was to bark orders and give birth until babies started materializing out of her like a fucking stargate. Her original hive turned its back on her and now she may not be able to make a new one.

Ryan was pulled out of his thoughts as the soft pattern of Chrysalis crying started to echo through the house. "I just...I just don't know what to do anymore." She said between sobs, her long hair now hanging in front of her face and keeping her out of sight. "Every time I try...They just fall apart in my hands...I have nothing now." Her hand rose to her face, pushing past her hair before pressing against her eyes. "If I can't have children then there's nothing left for me...I have no purpose."

...She just had to start crying, didn't she...

Ryan craned his neck and growled, being stuck between wanting to set her on fire and wanting to help her any way he could.

We could put her put of her misery! His mind suggested, We could kill her now and all would be happy!

Chrysalis fell to her knees, her crying becoming louder as she stopped caring about trying to hide her emotions.

Fffuck!

"Shit!" Ryan got out of his chair and stomped his way over to the bug-horse.

Chrysalis looked up just in time to see him angrily make his way over before grabbing her by the arm and yanking her back to her feet. She did little to fight against him, especially when she noticed that he was taking her into his room.

Ryan opened the door to his room, leading her in before tossing her onto the bed, where she stared at him in confusion. "Get comfortable." He said, his voice still sounding more irate than anything else. "I'll...sleep on the fucking couch."

With that he stormed out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind him as he left her alone.

Chrysalis stared at the door with a mixture of shock and confusion. Given her inbred abilities, she could tell that he was angry, but his anger wasn't directed at her. His emotions were all over the place, like he wasn't sure how to feel and was just settling with what he was familiar with while the rest thrashed around chaotically.

He truly was an interesting creature. She couldn't help but wonder if his entire species worked the same way he did, or if he was an anomaly among them as well.

Settling to push those thoughts aside for the time being, she let her eyes scan the area around her. She had been in his room a few times before, but never took the time to really analyze everything. It was clean and all, but looked like it had seen some rough times. She found this a bit odd as it looked relatively new on the outside.

Another thought hit her; outside. She looked out of a nearby window to see that the sun was still rising. Her eyes went over the room again until she spotted a clock.

"It's only seven in the morning." She said to no one in particular, feeling as though Ryan had announced that he was going to sleep. The way he said he was going to 'Sleep on the couch' made it seem that way.

Chrysalis pulled herself off of the bed and over to the door, opening it slowly. She then started flapping her wings at an incredible speed to lift herself off of the floor. This would allow her to move about in relative silence. She flew out into the living room, quickly spotting the blanketed human laying upon it with its eyes held shut.

Ryan looked peaceful while he was sleeping. Like everything in the world was right and he could finally be at peace.

Chrysalis gently lowered herself to the ground, her weight causing the wooden floors to creak slightly, but not enough to stir him from his slumber. A smile worked its way across her face; This time it was real though. No teasing, no games, no deceit. She was thankful that he was letting her stay with him, that he was going to allow her a second chance and possibly help her start a new life.

Maybe, just maybe, this could be the start of her having a friend.

"Thank you, Ryan." Chrysalis whispered as a single tear worked its way down her cheek. She lowered her head down toward his, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Leave me alone, you fucking cicada."

Author's Note

Okay, I know this chapter is a little weird and...weird. But, I plan to use this new arrangement to my advantage.
ALSO, I have decided to follow through with the Christmas chapter I brought up on my page that no one read.
So expect an update on Christmas day and as always, if you enjoy this story, feel free to slap that LIKE button like a bitch! Share this story with your friends and leave a comment below, coments make me feel special :P

It's Christmas!!!

Ryan awoke with an unsatisfied groan, his body sprawled out across the couch unceremoniously. He felt stiff, sore, and dry. Both inside and out. He rolled over, letting his back sink into the plush surface. Not bothering to take in his surroundings quite yet, he placed his palms over his eyes.

"Brain, status report." He said aloud, his voice hoarse and dry.

Bush did nine eleven...

Ryan growled at himself, but stopped after finding that it too cause a bit of pain in his throat. He felt as though he had fallen asleep in a hole he dug in the dessert while his friends giggled like school-girls and walked home, leaving him to fry in the blistering heat.

Worst. Walk of shame. Ever...

Lowing his hands from his face should have been as simple as that. He should have been able to do exactly that and pull himself up without anything in between. However, once his hands were removed, he found himself face to face with the same bug he had let take his bed earlier that day.

It was an odd experience, seeing how she had a somewhat worried expression across her face as she stared down at him. Her eyes were wide and curious, scanning every detail of him as if this would be the last time they ever saw each other.

"Ryan," She began, still going over his features. "Are you alright?"

"Never better." He replied sarcastically, his vocal cords sounding almost as rough as sandpaper. "What the fuck do you want?"

Chrysalis moved away from Ryan as he started pulling himself off of the couch, stretching his limbs out lazily. "It's just...you were asleep for so long." She explained, "I was starting to think you wouldn't wake up."

Ryan shot her an unamused look before making his way into the kitchen."If God were merciful..." He reached up to a cabinet, pulling it open and grabbing a plastic cup from inside of it. "Ain't no way in hell I'm going out peacefully."

He turned on the tap, filling the cup until it was overflowing before turning off the faucet and chugging down the water.

Oh my god, that's good!

Chrysalis followed Ryan into the kitchen, an odd look stuck to her face as she watched him quench his understandable thirst. It took him a moment to notice her, but when he did he set the cup down and glared in her direction. "What?"

Something seemed off about this changeling queen, she still seemed worried, but also like she wanted to tell him something. "Well, you had a number of visitors yesterday."

Ryan cocked an eyebrow at her. "The hell do you mean?" He started, clearly not understanding the nature of her words. "I was at Pinkie's yesterday, all day and night."

He set his cup in the sink, leaning against the counter to support his body while Chrysalis' expression only seemed to grow more worrisome. "That was two days ago." She explained to the tired looking human, "You slept all through yesterday."

Ryan blinked twice, letting this new information sink in before leveling a finger at the changeling. "You're telling me...That I managed to sleep through a whole fucking day...and not once did you try to wake me."

Chrysalis' demeanor did a complete one-eighty as a smirk spread across her face. "You told me to leave you alone, so I did."

Rage Meter: Fourteen Percent...

She walked over to Ryan, grabbing his hand and pushing it back down to his side as he stared off into space. Once again, the world was plotting against him and using these creatures as it's tools for his demise. "I also took the liberty of answering the door for you so the ponies wouldn't be able to bother you while you rested."

Twenty-seven Percent...

"I was disguised so they didn't know who I was, which is good on my part." She continued to explain, "But, they were curious as to how I knew you." Her eyes narrowed at him, her smirk still ever present as she delivered the next bit of information. "I introduced myself as your marefriend, Autumn Breeze."

Fifty-nine!

If Ryan's gaze could kill, this woman would have suffered the most painful deaths known to the living a thousand times over. "You told them...you were my marefriend?"

Chrysalis nodded, humming in approval as she placed a hand to his cheek. "They were skeptical at first, but I think they bought it." She explained, her voice consisting of both sultry and mocking tones. She pulled her hand away from him, placing it on her hip while the other pinched her chin. "Then there was that rainbow pony." She began, appearing as though she were trying to figure her out. "That mare looked like a volcano ready to explode."

Sixty-six!

Ryan turned away from the changeling, placing his hands against his face as he let his body fall to the floor with a loud thud. "Oh my fucking god!" He yelled to no one in particular, doing his best not to unleash all hell on her. "This is just great!" He added, "My reputation is going to be fucked, the mares I'm sleeping with think I'm taken, and on top of all that; Rainbow Dash is probably going to rip my balls off with her teeth!"

Chrysalis placed a hand over her mouth, failing miserably at suppressing a laugh. She took a breath to regain her composure before kneeling down next to Ryan and patting his head. "There, there, child."

"Why couldn't you have just killed me?" He asked, not moving an inch. "If you hated me so much then why not just end it all!"

"I don't hate you." Chrysalis said, "I just find this fun."

Seventy...

"Come on, it's not all bad." She added, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him back to his feet while he continued trying to burrow his fingers into his skull. "Cheer up, this day is supposed to be one of merriment."

Suddenly, it was as if the gears in Ryan's head had been well-lubed and started turning again. If he slept all through yesterday...and yesterday was supposed to be the day before...then that would mean that- "Holy shit fuck..." He exclaimed, finally removing his hands from his face. "It's Christmas!"

Twelve percent- Let's get fucked up!

While Ryan wasn't typically the most merry or festive of people, Christmas held a special place in his cold heart. Mostly because this day, along with good ol' Saint Patrick's Day, gave him an excuse to get blackout drunk and do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Ryan all but ran over to his fridge, nearly yanking the door off as he threw it open and started digging through the various items within. "Where the hell did I put my good eggnog?"

Chrysalis watched him with a confused look. She was aware of the pony holiday taking place, but had no idea what this 'Christmas' thing was. "Don't you mean Hearths Warming?"

She fell silent as the world around her seemed to stop, Ryan slowly peeking over at her from behind the fridge with a look of death in his eyes. "It's Christmas..."

An unsettling chill ran through the changeling's spine as he uttered those words to her. It were as if his voice was sending demons straight into her soul that would torment her relentlessly until she submitted to their will.

With little more than a nod, she complied with the human's version of the holiday. "Yes! Christmas, of course..."

Ryan went back to digging through his fridge, finally finding what he was looking for. He pulled out two large glass bottles, each one with a label that read 'Holiday Eggnog' across them.

After closing the fridge with his foot, Ryan set the bottles on the counter then start rummaging through a nearby cabinet. He then pulled out two small glasses, setting them beside the bottles before opening one of them and pouring its content into said glasses.

With the drinks poured and ready for consumption, he grabbed one firmly in one hand and held out the other to Chrysalis, who accepted it out of fear of upsetting him again.

"Cheers!" Ryan said as he raised the glass a few inches into the air, placing it to his lips and sucking it down as if his life depended on it.

Chrysalis mimicked the gesture and drank as well, but pulled it away and spit up what she had taken in with a short coughing fit. "What in Equestria is this?"

In the time it had taken her to ask this, Ryan had already refilled his glass and gotten to work on inhaling the drink once again. "Forty proof Eggnog. The kinda shit that leaves you passed out in a ditch and puking up confetti cake."

I still have no fucking idea where we even found that cake. It was just kinda 'there' in the morning

Chrysalis nodded with a less-than-satisfied look on her face as she did so. She made sure to only sip the drink this time and even then it caused her face to contort as if she had just swallowed tablespoon of ghost pepper hot sauce.

Deciding that this drink wasn't for her, she set the glass down on the counter, moving on to continuing to inform Ryan of what all he missed out on yesterday. "That purple pony came by as well, Twilight."

With the alcohol flowing through Ryan's system, his anger was dropping and his patience was rising. Rather than snapping at her, he settled with just listening. "What did she want?"

"Her friend, the pink one, is throwing a Hearths-" She paused as Ryan's eyes stared into her soul. "A Christmas party!" She corrected, allowing herself to take a moment to calm down when Ryan's mood settled. "Anyway, the party's being thrown at her castle and she asked us to come by."

"Us?" He asked, seeming to have forgotten the earlier conversation.

"Yes. Us," She confirmed, "You and me, your marefriend."

This reminder did little to keep Ryan's spirits up. With that group of ponies thinking that he was now in a relationship he was going to miss out on a lot of flirting, foreplay, and general fucking. Then there was Rainbow Dash...

We might not make it out of this alive

Twilight did a walk through over the main room in her castle to be sure that everything was in place and as it should be. While she knew that she could count on Pinkie to make everything perfect, when it came to parties at least, she still wanted to be sure that nothing was missed.

She moved around the room slowly, taking in everything that had been set up for the occasion. Streamers decorated nearly every inch of the ceiling, several fold out tables were set about the room, primarily against the walls and filled to the brim with various food dishes, primarily sweets and a single table in the corner where the adult beverages could be found. Balloons littered the area as well, both on the floor, in the air, and some even tied randomly onto chairs, tables and so on. And, for special occasions, some of the doorways that exited the main room had a single mistletoe hanging from the top of their frame.

Pen in hand, the alicorn, dressed in what could be mistaken as a catholic school girl outfit, put a mark through the last box on her list. "And, check! Everything seems to be in order."

Applejack, who had been shadowing Twilight for some of the inspection, came up behind her with a smile as she spoke. "Yep, Pinkie really did go all out on this one."

"Of course I did!" Pinkie exclaimed, popping up in front of the two seemingly out of nowhere. It goes without saying that they jumped from her sudden appearance, but that didn't stop her from talking. "It's Hearth Warming! You have to go all out on a holiday like this. This is a time for friends to all gather together and-" Pinkie's words stopped dead in their tracks as several knocks could be heard coming from the castle door.

"I'll get it!" Starlight called out from the next room, walking over to the door wearing an outfit similar to Twilight's, but with a more casual approach. She made her way over, a smile adorning her features as she grabbed the handle and pulled the door open.

Her smile faltered and both of her eyes appeared to be squinting a bit.

During Starlight Glimmer's stay in Ponyville, she had met the human known as Ryan a total of two times and both meetings were brief. While she was curious at first, his attitude, behavior, and overall demeanor caused her to keep her distance. What little else she did know she picked up from her friends and a majority of the time they either commented on him by saying things that related to him being 'Weird' or 'Really good in bed.'

Regardless of what she has heard about him, she still didn't understand much about him or his sense of humor. This lead her to be extremely confused about his fashion choice at this very moment. The mare beside him looked normal enough; bright white coat, orange mane, green eyes, and freckles. She was dressed in casual winter weather clothes. She looked normal, so why did the human look so odd?

Ryan stared at Starlight with a dopey smile, is head slowly leaning every other direction as he attempted to stand still. Originally he was planning to stay home and have a private party in the comfort of his own home, but after killing off that first bottle of eggnog, he was starting to feel both social and festive.

Seeing how he didn't have a whole lot of clothing that would match the Christmas spirit, he grabbed something he had been given back in his world that was been buried deep within his belongings. Covering his entire body from the neck down was a single piece, Deadpool onesie; Complete with a fake, muscular body tone on the front and a hood mask that hung behind his shoulders. On top of that, he had thrown on his Santa hat, placing it on his head in such a way that the front portion of his hair was sticking out.

In one hand he was holding a full bottle of the Holiday Eggnog, while his other arm was draped over the mare next to him so he wouldn't fall.

"I bring merriments!" He exclaimed, holding the bottle out to mare standing in front of him.

Starlight put on a forced smile, doing her best to cooperate with the obviously intoxicated human. "Thank you, Ryan." She said, accepting the bottle from his hands and taking it into her own. "Come on in, we were just about to get started."

She stood off to the side, allowing the couple to enter the castle, one of them stumbling a bit with every step while the other did her best to keep his drunk ass from falling over.

Starlight made her way over to Twilight, watching the couple as they made their way over to one of the food tables. Once by the alicorn's side, she set the bottle down on the nearest table. "Did you have to invite him?"

Twilight angled her face toward Starlight. "Of course I did, he's our friend."

Starlight responded by rolling her eyes at her teacher. "Some friend."

"Starlight!" Twilight all but yelled in a reprimanding tone.

"I'm sorry!" Starlight continued, "But I just don't see how you can be friends with him. He's loud, obnoxious, crude, and doesn't care about anypony but himself!"

Twilight sighed at her, "Look, I know it seems that way, but Ryan comes from a very different place." She explained matter-of-factly, "He has a completely different mindset than us, so he expresses himself differently." Starlight groaned, clearly not having a whole lot of faith in Twilight's words. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but he does care about us. He just has an odd way of showing it."

The mares' ears twitched as they heard Pinkie speaking in the distance.

"Happy Hearths warming, Ryan! No..." She said, replacing the sandwich plate he tried to walk away with back onto the table. "Those are for everypony. You can take one and come back for more later."

Ryan stared down at the tray, sliding his hand beneath it before launching it off of the table, causing the sandwiches to rain down onto the floor. "Fuck everypony and fuck hearths warming! Christmas!!!"

Starlight returned her gaze to a very nervous looking Twilight, her eyes narrowing as she did so. "I see; He's practically overflowing with friendship."

Twilight reached over to her side, grabbing the bottle of Holiday Eggnog Starlight had set down earlier.

Other than the sandwich plate, Ryan had refrained from causing anymore carnage. Instead he, as well as others, had moved on to simply having a good time. Music was playing, drinks were being passed around, everyone was having a good time. Later on into the party and few missing guests joined in. Rarity came in dressed in what Ryan kept commenting was a 'Slutty Elf' suit. Fluttershy strolled in and kept mostly to herself, aside from the occasional conga line that Pinkie seemed to love starting. Every so often one of them would break away from everypony else and talk to Ryan's new marefriend, trying their best to be friendly and get to know her better. Chrysalis played her role perfectly; Everything was going great, minus when somepony would bring up Hearths Warming and Ryan would snap and go on a rant about how it was Christmas and not their 'Dumb pony bullshit.'

Other than that, thing were going well...until a certain cyan Pegasus found her way in.

Rainbow Dash practically kicked down the door looking like she was ready to party, and party hard. Despite the cold weather, she came in wearing a white tank top, a jeans vest, and black spandex shorts. "Alright, ladies!" She exclaimed, holding a bottle over Everfree Vodka tightly in one of her hands. "It's time to really get this party going..."

Her words seemed to trail off as she looked out upon her crowd of friends, her eyes focusing straight past them and onto the oddly dressed human that was currently leaning against the strange mare she met yesterday at his house.

Rainbow's expression instantly went dark, her face scrunching up in anger as she stomped her way through everypony, pulling out of their grips as a small number of them tried to stop her.

In seconds she was standing before the so-called couple with a fire in her eyes that could melt the polar ice-caps. "And what the hay do you two think you're doing here!?"

Chrysalis, still in disguise of course, stared up at the raging pegasus in shock. She could tell that the mare was angry when she showed up at Ryan's doorstep the other day, but hardly expected this kind of reaction.

She shook off her look of shock, taking on a much more dominant look. "We're trying to enjoy the party. What are you doing here?"

Ryan, whose head was previously buried into Chrysalis' back, lifted himself enough to see Rainbow. The pompom on the end of his hat hung lazily in front of his left eye as he processed what was going on. "Sweetheart, you need to-"

"Stop. Calling me that!" Rainbow snapped at him.

Eighty seven...

And just like that it was as if Ryan's entire body had been instantly detoxed. His face was now flushed red with anger, his hands tightened into fists. His drunken stumbling vanished as well as he marched in front of Dash, grabbing his hat and throwing it aside while doing so. "What is your problem, you fucking bitch!"

"My problem!?" Rainbow gasped, "What's your problem! First you tell me that you're not looking for a relationship, then out of the blue you start dating this mare!" She yelled, leveling a furious index finger at Chrysalis. "What kind of sick game are you playing here, you bucking psycho!"

*Shatter* Kill her! Kill her!! FUCKING KILL HER!!!

Ryan's knees bent, signaling to everypony that he was going to pounce. "I'm gonna ring your fucking neck just to see what color you turn!"

Just as he went to tackle her, his body was suspended into the air by a purple glow that had encased his entire body. "Enough!" Twilight shouted, finally becoming fed up with the two constantly being at each other's throats. "Why can't you two just get along?"

Rainbow Dash pointed an accusatory finger at the floating human. "He's a manipulative freak!"

"She's a raging ball of cock!" Ryan responded, flailing his body around as he hovered in the air.

"Can I please say something?" The room fell silent as the mare known to them as Autumn Breeze spoke up. "I think I may be able to help settle this." Seeing how no pony denied her the right, she walked over to Rainbow Dash, stopping just out of arm's reach. "I don't know what happened between you and Ryan, but going off of general knowledge I can only assume that you two were an item at one point."

Rainbow Dash was glaring daggers at the mare. "I don't see how that's any of your-"

"On the contrary, Miss. Dash." She interrupted, taking the offensive floor once more. "Seeing how Ryan and I are together now, it is my business. Whatever you and Ryan had is over and you need to let it go."

Rainbow tried to speak, but the words couldn't seem to come out. All she could come up with were petty insults, until a certain thought crossed her mind. "I hope you know how often he gets around." She commented, a victorious smile on her face. "That disgusting thing can't keep it in his pants to save his life. He's probably gonna cheat on you."

Chrysalis grinned at the cocky pegasus, "Yes, I'm aware of how often he gets around. I accept that he has an issue being with one mare." She explained, preparing her mental camera for the next part. "That's why we agreed to an open relationship." Everypony's jaw suddenly dropped at that, even Ryan was having a hard time holding up his poker face; But seeing Rainbow's face do this was ridiculously satisfying. "It was the only way he would agree to be with me. Now he and I can go out and have our fun, but still come home to each other when the day is over."

As fun as hanging in the air was, Ryan was starting to get sick of it. With a bit of focus, and a whole lot of repressed anger, he managed to sever the magical hold. His landing could have been more graceful, but no damage was done.

Ryan pulled himself off of the floor, grabbing Chrysalis by the arm so they could get out of there and avoid any further confrontations with his crazy not-so-ex.

Rainbow's attention shifted to Ryan as he tried to walk away. "Where do you-"

Her words were cut off as Ryan placed a hand over her mouth, his eyes staring directly through her skull. She could swear she could feel a hole burning into her head.

"Do me a favor," Ryan began, his words soft but full of a cancerous venom that caused her body to feel weak. "and stay the fuck out of my life. There's no room for you anymore."

And with that he left, pulling Autumn alongside him.

The walk home was cold and silent, the only sound they could pick up on was the wind blowing past them. They made it back to the house with little difficulty and closed themselves off from the outside world.

Ryan sighed, walking over to the couch and letting his body collapse ass-first into the cushions. Chrysalis wasn't too far behind; After removing her disguise she planted her rear into the couch as well. They sat beside each other for nearly two full minutes with not even a single word being said.

...Okay, so that could have gone better. But girl handled herself pretty well, even gave us an opening to keep fucking around.

Ryan made a clicking sound with his tongue before turning his head toward his roommate. "Thanks...I guess." Chrysalis angled her head in his direction, offering nothing more than a questioning hum. "For warding off the blue whore and giving me my freedom."

"Your freedom?" She asked curiously.

"Would you stop nitpicking!" Ryan growled, "I'm thanking you for fuck sake, just take it and piss off!"

Chrysalis giggled at this, finding his little tantrum to be strangely adorable. "Has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you're angry?"

"Go to hell..." She giggled again, lifting herself from the couch, only to place herself on Ryan's lap. "What are you doing?"

"Come on." Chrysalis cooed, fluttering her eyelashes at him. "I know today got started off on a bad note, but that doesn't mean it has to end that way." The changeling pressed her hips against his, grinding against his lower regions as she started removing her top layers of clothing.

Ryan was about to pick her up and throw her out of a closed window, but found that increasingly difficult when her body started to change in front of him. There was a green flash that blinded him for a split second, but once he got his vision back, all thoughts of throwing her out vanished.

He took in the sight of Chrysalis' recently changed body, her previous form practically no longer existing as she took the form of a certain yellow Pegasus that he has had his eye on for some time now.

"Please, Ryan..." She spoke in a voice that matched the original's perfectly. "I've been such a naughty filly and I need you to punish me."

Ryan blinked twice, doing his best to maintain his normal mindset. "Fuck you..."

"If you want to, master..."

...Okay, this bitch is gonna get it hard.

Author's Note

Wish I could have edited this more, but the computer needed to restart so I didn't have time. So please fill me in on any errors I might not have come across.

Also, Happy Chrismachaunaquanzica!

Yes, I know it would have been easier to say 'Happy Holidays', but fuck you. I like this version better. If you're gonna fire into an open crowd you might as well whip the damn thing around a bit.

Getting Lucky???

Author's Note

Would this count as getting Lucky? Read the rest to find out and feel free to answer in the comments. :P

Also-

WARNING: This chapter contains sexual content! Yes, content that is sexual! This is a thing that exists!

It's not full on clop, but it still gets interesting.

Regardless, I hope everyone enjoys. Sorry for being late, the holidays have kept me busy...and pretty fucked up...Have fun!

Getting Lucky???

"I can't believe how much I hate everything..." Ryan grumbled from his bed. The sun had been up for a good while now and his open curtains were allowing its light entry into his domicile. The rays were assaulting his eyes mercilessly. To avoid further torment he pulled himself up and off of the bed, walking over to the end of the it to retrieve his discarded clothing.

"I can't believe I never let you take control before." Chrysalis said from beneath the sheets, picking herself up as well with an audible yawn. "And here I thought it was more fun to be top." She walked over to Ryan, draping her arms over his shoulders as she pressed her bare chest into his back. "If you keep it up, I'll have to start being submissive more often."

Ryan ignore her, pulling out of her hold to continue collecting his clothes.

Chrysalis eyed him with a perverted smile on her face, soon grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him around to face her. "Do you think we have time for a quickie?" She asked with lidded eyes, her gaze telling him all he needed to know about what she was looking for.

She also asked it aloud, numb-nuts!

He let out a sigh, still holding his bunched up clothes in his arms. "Yes..."

Chrysalis let out and excited squee, wasting no time jumping back onto the bed, it's springy surface causing her to bounce upon impact. She flipped onto her back, adjusting her body into a seductive position and closing her eyes, awaiting his arrival. Much to her dismay, nothing came and not too much time passed when she heard the bedroom door open, then close.

Opening her eyes she got up, looking around the room, but found no sign of the human that was supposed to be mounting her. She quickly made her way over to the door, opening it to find him fully dressed and sliding on a black jacket.

"I thought you said we were going to have a quickie." She called out almost sadly to him.

Ryan spared her a glance, but not for more than a second as he zipped up his jacket. "I said we had time for one, never said I'd actually be partaking." With that he walked over to the front door, turning back to the nude changeling with an indifferent look on his face. "I'm going out, don't know when I'll be back." He closed the door, leaving her to her own devices as he made his way off to wherever the hell he wanted.

It wasn't very well-known, as Ponyville is more of a family town, but just on the outskirts there was a small building in the distance that hosted an underground club. This was an adult club that he had grown fairly fond of, mostly because he could talk freely without judgment and the drinks were dirt cheap. Plus, he would occasionally peak one of the dancer's interest enough to have some fun in a private booth. The only real downside was that it was only open one day of the week as to keep a low profile.

It's not like they were doing anything illegal down there, but they didn't want too many ponies showing and end up with some of the more family oriented ponies protesting their presence.

Ryan glanced at his watch, he made sure to sleep in as long as possible for the occasion. Sadly, it was only one in the afternoon. He would have to wait until at least an hour after dusk for them to be open.

Let's go see how Mac is doing. Maybe he'll tag along and help keep you from getting into too much trouble.

Seeing how he didn't have anything else to do, visiting the Apples didn't sound half bad. It's not like they would be working, it's winter. Granted, they'd take supplies from their cellars and make a delivery every now and again, but the cold weather still dramatically slowed down their work schedule.

The walk to Sweet Apple Acres didn't take too much time, and with little going on there wasn't a whole lot to distract him. He let himself in, a habit he picked up on after knowing the family for a short while. It didn't bother them by any means, in fact they welcomed it.

While Ryan found this welcoming to be slightly comforting, he also found it incredibly stupid on their part.

Seriously, someone could abuse the hell outta that and the Apples are gonna wake up naked and tied to chairs with their manes shaved off.

Ryan found Mac and spent a majority of the time chatting it up with the muscly stallion. The next few hours consisted of them telling stories and jokes, and just enjoying each others company. They even had the pleasure of running into the rest of the family and hangouting with them as well.

The hours seemed to slip by and finally it was time for Ryan to head out, but not before asking Big Mac to join him.

Mac decided to tag along; While going out to big social gatherings weren't usually his thing, he did enjoy watching ponies act like simpletons after they'd gotten a few drinks in them. Plus a secret adult show wasn't something he wanted to skip out on. He was still a stallion after all.

Ryan led the way to the club, walking a good half mile away from town before reaching their destination. They came upon a rather small looking building, one that seemed to be abandoned and way too rickety for any kind of party to be going on. He knocked on the beat up looking door and less than a second later it opened a quarter of the way to reveal a set of eyes staring them down.

"What's the password?" The stallion on the other side of the door asked in a deep, husky sounding voice.

Ryan raised a brow at him. "The fuck makes you think I remember?"

A chuckle came from behind the door as it closed, a number of locks could be heard as well before it swung open. "Get in here you freak!" The stallion within said, grabbing the human by the collar and tossing him to a spiral staircase.

"Let's go, Mac!" Ryan yelled, descending down to the basement while his friend followed at a short distance.

When they reached the bottom of the steps they were met with a sight that confused both of them. The room was much larger than one would expect and decorated with neon paint that it up under the rows of black-lights that took over the ceiling. On the left was a small stage and the same went for the right with a much larger stage in the middle. Each one had a single metal pole stuck in the center that connected to the ceiling and off in the back was a bar table.

The room was surprisingly packed; While a lot of ponies weren't aware of the business that took place down here, a good number did know and would travel across towns just to visit.

The room itself was nice, everything was in place, the ponies number of ponies wasn't too much of a surprise. However, what perplexed the two friends upon entry was the gender of the ponies filling the room. Mares were scrambling about the area as far as the eye could see, each one more eager to get closer to the stage than the last.

It took a moment, but the light bulb in Ryan's head finally switched on. He raised his hands up and dug his fingers into his scalp. "Son of a bitch, it's ladies night!"

At that moment three stallions shuffled through the crowd and climbed onto a stage, ripping of their clothing and dancing to the beat of whatever songs were played, showing off their toned bodies with a rhythm of movements that made the mares in the audience go wild.

Ryan grunted in disappointment, letting his arms fall back to his sides. "What the fuck, dude!" He yelled, hardly any pony being able to hear him over the music.

Mac placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned in close so he could hear him. "Should we leave?" He asked, trying to talk over the song.

His friend failed, but Ryan managed to hear him despite the volume. "Fuck that!" He replied, his expression shifting from disappointment to determination. "I came here to have a good time and I'm not letting this ruin it. Let's get fucked up!" With little more warning than that, Ryan charged over to the bar, taking a seat on one of the many stools resting beside it. "Give me the strongest shot you've got that isn't vodka!"

Big Mac rolled his eyes and joined Ryan at the bar, choosing to sit beside him. He looked over at the bartender, who was currently mixing his friend's drink and raised a hand. "Ah'll have a hard cider, please."

Six performances/dances later, Ryan had already lost count of how many shots he had. Mac was currently preoccupied flirting it up with a cute mare, leading the human to wonder why he hadn't tried going for some tail yet. (No pun intended)

His mind was a blur and his body seemed to be moving on its own. It pulled him out of his seat and led him over to one of the mares sitting at the bar. Something about her caught his eye and he couldn't help but to make an approach.

The mare was a light shade of grey, nearly white, with a long teal mane that flowed halfway down her back. Donning her form was a pair of leather short shorts that perfectly gripped her shapely hips and plump flank. Covering her upper body was a dark blue belly shirt that showed off her thin stomach.

Sadly, she didn't have much going for her on the top. At best she was an A-cup, far from Ryan's preferences, but he couldn't help it. His lust was pointing to her and it would take something really fucked up to deter him.

Ryan sat beside her, looking over her features and expression. She seemed to be off in her own world right now, not even noticing his staring. He felt a strange aura, if you will, surrounding her. An odd sense of loneliness was very present and the look on her face did little to hide that.

Alright...you...it's time to work our magic.

Deciding to take advantage of the poor mare's distress, Ryan glanced over at the bartender, tapping the spot in front of himself twice as a way to signal for two more shot to be brought over. When the drinks were delivered he slid one of them in front of the mare.

Her eyes regained focus and she angled down at the drink with an inquisitive look about her. She then turned her head to the side, her eyes widening in shock after she spotted the human.

Ryan raised his brows at her, a small grin adorning his face as he lifted his glass. He held it in place, waiting for her to join him. She was hesitant at first, but mimicked his actions, grabbing the drink in front of her and holding it up as well. His grin turned into a smile, "Cheers!"

He sucked down the drink, setting the empty glass onto the table as he watched her do the same.

Ryan kept his eyes glued to the mare and this time she noticed, causing a small blush to form on her cheeks.

"Um..." She began, trying to think of what to say. "I-I uh...Thank you for that, but...Why do you keep looking at me?" She finally managed to ask, looking like a nervous filly.

"Good question!" Ryan responded, obviously sounding much more relaxed and free spirited than her. "I'm trying to find some kind of flaw right now."

Her body tensed up a bit at his words. "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is;" He tuned to the side, allowing his entire body to be facing her. "I'm looking at this extremely cute pony sitting here alone and it's driving me nuts that I can't find a single thing wrong with you. And yet, you're still alone."

Her blush deepened, instinctively causing her head to recede in her mane. "What the hell are you doing?" Ryan asked, using a hand to brush her hair off to the side. "Somepony as stunning as you shouldn't have to hide, or be alone." He leaned back in his seat, giving her some space. "I'm Ryan; and you are?"

"Rapid Manes..." She replied, her words trailing off. She didn't know why, but she was finding it difficult to take her eyes off of this this thing. It were as if his gaze was pulling her into some kind of trance. "What are you?" She asked almost absentmindedly.

Ryan's eyes narrowed at her, a suggestive smirk making itself known on his face. "Sweetheart, for the rest of the night, I'm whatever you want me to be." He watched her blush return tenfold, doing his best to keep himself from chuckling at her. "So tell me; What am I to you?"

Okay, even I'm noticing the sloppy word play now...I think you're drunk.

Rapid rose from her seat in a somewhat dramatic way before announcing that she needed to leave for a minute and walking into a crowd of ponies.

Ryan watched her leave, mostly staring at that fat flank of hers. His eyes locked onto it, becoming mesmerized as the flesh rippled with every step. He'd have hummed in approval at himself had he not pretty much scared her off.

I'd say 'She'll be back'...But I'm pretty sure she won't

A group of mares approached the bar, one of which intended to take the open spot next to Ryan. He was about to stop her from taking Rapid's seat, but something was telling him otherwise.

Wait! We can use this...if she does come back, that is.

Rapid Manes stood alone in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror and taking deep breaths to calm herself. "It's okay!" She told herself, "You can do this. You can do this." She forced a smile, only for it to fall seconds later. "I can't do this!" She buried her face into her palms, all of her confidence from just a moment ago going up in flames.

Her head shook and her face scrunched up as she took on a much more determined look, placing her hands firmly against the edge of the sink. "No!" She yelled through clenched teeth, leveling an angry finger at her reflection. "There's a cute guy out there waiting for you and you're not going to shy away again. Now get out there and make something happen!"

With that she was off, practically stomping out of the bathroom and back over to the bar. As luck would have it, he was still sitting exactly where he was when she left. However, luck it seemed was working against her. Her seat was taken and the one on the other side of the nonpony that was flirting with her was taken as well.

Ryan felt an odd tingle in his spine and spun his chair around to see Rapid standing a few feet behind him, looking deep in thought and even scared.

I knew she'd come back! Now, just follow my instructions and we might just end up with that phat ass on our face later.

Just as Rapid was about to walk away, she heard a whistling come from the bar. Turning around, she found the human beckoning for her to join him. She took one final breath, muttering to herself as she did so. "You can do this, you can do this, you can do this!"

Ryan wore a bright smile as Rapid made her way over. "Howdy, stranger." He said in a friendly tone, "What took you so long?"

Rapid locked her eyes onto his, mentally beating herself in an attempt to force herself into a more dominant attitude. "You know, just stuff." She glanced over at her taken seat, "Remember how you said that you could be anything I wanted?" Ryan nodded, silently watching as a bead of sweat rolled down her forehead. She was clearly new to this kind of thing. "Would you mind being a chair?"

The way she spoke showed how nervous she was. Her voice would crack with every other syllable. But, she was trying, and he gave her props for that.

"Go ahead." Ryan said, patting his lap.

Rapid took short, but quick steps over to him. The way she was forcing herself to do this was almost comical. However, the comedy aspect of her approach vanished when she turned around, slowly lowering her rear onto him, her back nearly flush with his chest. Her flank completely hid the top portion of his thighs from sight and the warmth that was engulfing his crotch was almost orgasmic.

Calm down there, Jeffery! You'll have your time soon enough.

Wanting to take his attention off of the cute mare's ass pretty much sandwiching him, Ryan spun the seat back toward the counter and ordered more drinks.

The night proceeded fairly well; Ryan and Rapid talked a lot, shared a few laughs, and continued drinking like there was no tomorrow. The more liquor that entered Rapid's system, the more relaxed she became. She started to loosen up and even started flirting with Ryan on her own accord much more naturally. No longer did her attempts come off as forced or unwanted, rather she appeared to be genuinely enjoying herself.

In almost no time at all ponies started to depart, the music grew quiet, and the bar closed. Big Mac had already left with a temporary girlfriend and hopefully made it home safe. Ryan on the other hand was so far gone he could barely walk.

It took a good deal of effort, but Rapid managed hold him up and assist him in walking home. This task was more difficult than one would imagine, seeing how she was stumbling as well before she even started helping him.

"Left!" Ryan instructed, pointing two fingers to the sky above them.

Rapid obeyed his words and went left, eventually bringing her to a decently sized house. She went to grab the keys off of Ryan's belt loop, but pulled back when he threw himself face first at the closed door and started pounding on it with his fists. "Open the door you chubby bipedal bitch! I'll kill your fucking dog!"

Normally, Rapid would have found this disturbing, but at the moment the human's twisted words tickled her funny bone mercilessly.The door opened, revealing the changeling in her Autumn Breeze disguise.

Chrysalis stared at them with an unamused look, which quickly changed when she did a once over on Ryan's new friend. "Well, hello to you too." She hummed, leaning against the door with half lidded eyes. "And just who might you be?"

"Back off, you rapist!" Ryan said, flailing his arms in her direction in a drunken attempt to push her away. "I will gut you from armpit to asshole!"

Chrysalis rolled her eyes at him, shrugging off his petty attacks and walking into the human's bedroom. Once in, she closed the door behind her, but not all the way. She could smell something about the pony that Ryan had brought over and was anticipating some form of entertainment. With the door just barely cracked open, she was able to watch them stumble over to the couch. Ryan plopped down onto the it first, quickly followed by Rapid, who retook her place on his lap.

Ryan shot her a smirk, leaning against the arm rest so his head would stop spinning. "You know, this couch does seat three. You don't have to sit on my lap anymore."

"Aww, what's wrong?" She asked, her face flushed red as she slowly started grinding her flank against his crotch. "I thought you were enjoying it."

A soft hum escaped from Ryan's throat as he basked in the feeling of her soft rump gliding over his quickly stiffening member. He reached forward, grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her back so she was pressed against him, her head just slightly higher than his. Using this angle to his advantage, he tilted his head down and gently bit the flesh where her neck and shoulders met.

Rapid took a sharp breath, enjoying the feeling of his teeth digging into her skin. Despite how much she wanted him to continue, it had been too long since she's had mans touch in her life and she wanted to take thing much further than just foreplay.

After fighting against herself a bit she was able to force herself off of Ryan, quickly moving to the other side of the couch where she bent over, letting her upper body rest on the plush surface while her backside stuck out with her tail raised. The leathery material became strained as it was forced to accommodate for the new position, causing it to stretch and grip her with more intensity "What are you waiting for, big boy?" She asked with a voice like honey, grabbing her shorts and pulling them down just enough for her large flank to pour out. "Please don't make me wait."

All systems are go; Get in there you drunk bitch!

Ow...ow...ow...ow...

Ryan's eyes slowly opened up, his pupils being assaulted by the suns rays once again. "I swear to god, I'm going to paint over the fucking windows." He said to himself as his head throbbed.

Ow...ow...ow...

He attempted to fall back asleep, finding himself to be too comfortable to move.

...FUCKING WAKE UP, YOU PRICK!!!

Ryan's hands shot up to his head as his brain started to feel as though it had been stuck with a knife. A ferocious ringing was slaughtering his ear drums, causing his vision to blur and the rest of his body to go numb. After nearly two full minutes of suffering the symptoms started to lessen immensely, allowing him to feel normal again.

A lot of last night was a blur. While he wanted to try and piece together all that had happened, a number of important questions started running through his head. The first one being; Why the fuck am I on the living room floor. The second one; Where the fuck did this blanket come from. The final question; Who's fucking ass is my dick stuck in!?

Ryan lifted himself himself up, pulling his flaccid friend out of the pony's ass trap as he removed himself from his previous spooning position. A sense of dread started to fill him as he played through a number of possibilities.

She's ugly isn't she? She's fat! She's got the body of a toad and the face of a panda!

Not wanting to wonder anymore, he grabbed the blanket that was covering them and pulled it up a few inches.

Thank you, Cthulhu!

Ryan took a much needed breath of relief as he looked over the mare. Thin upper body and fat round flank. "Not a whole lot going on for tits, but fuck it; she's got a nice enough body."

A smile graced the human's features as he rose up off of the ground and stretched. Taking a moment to glance about the room, he found his clothes lazily tossed onto the couch. While he could just stay naked, he wasn't feeling up for it. The winter weather was still finding its way into his house and that small chill was all he needed to get covered up.

He pulled on the clothes he had worn the night before, which he had also worn the night before that, and let out a loud yawn. For the first time in a while he managed to get a good nights worth of sleep. "I should start bringing mares to my place more often." He said to himself, freezing in place for a moment as he let that thought sink in. "Fuck that!"

Ryan's gaze wandered back down to the mare. "Fuck she is stunning." He continued to say to himself, his eyes quickly scanning the room again. "One last look won't hurt." He got down on his knees, bringing himself as close to Rapid as he could. Grabbing the blanket, he gently lifted it the rest of the way off of her body.

Oh. My. Fucking! GOD!!!

Rapid awoke violently to a slight pain. Above her she found a rather angry looking human. However, below the belt she found his hand holding firmly onto her dick like he was trying to choke it to death.

"The fuck is this shit!?"

This Was Totally Unexpected

The whole gang sat in their own chairs in Ryan's kitchen. Chrysalis, still disguised as her Autumn Breeze persona, sat at the head of the table while Rapid Manes and Ryan sat opposite of each other. The silence that filled the small area was near cancerous as the human eyed the now clothed pony sitting on the other side of his table.

Rapid, who was now identified to be a he rather than a she, averted his gaze from Ryan, his thumbs twirled around each other nervously as he did his best to keep his composure.

Ryan had one arm resting on the table in front of him, using it to prop his head up and keep it from slamming down onto the wooden structure repeatedly

Chrysalis, however, was just biding her time, waiting for the fireworks to finally start up. She knew the whole time that there was something off about her friend's little date. She could literally smell it; being a changeling allowed her to have this advantage.

Unable to handle the silence anymore, Ryan lifted his hand from his head and allowed his arm to rest against the table. "So, you're a stallion..."

Rapid flinched as he spoke, expecting him to turn hostile at any moment. It wasn't his fault that he was now paranoid of this occurrence, he woke up to the human in front of him strangling his penis and screaming in his face. Fearful or not though, he responded with a soft and quiet, "Yes..."

Ryan nodded, already feeling a certain level of anger trying to claw its way out of him again. "And you didn't tell me this; why?"

Doing his best to remain strong, Rapid turned his head to face Ryan. "I-I saw you ogling me all night...I didn't think it would be a big deal."

"It kind of is!" Ryan snapped, leaning slightly over the table.

"I don't see why." Rapid went on to say, his tone still sounding more fearful than anything else. "I mean, you weren't complaining when you were rutting me."

"I thought you were a mare!"

"But didn't you enjoy yourself?"

"He did." Chrysalis responded for him, causing the human to glare angrily at her. "Trust me, I know."

"Then why should it matter if I'm a stallion?" Rapid continued, doing his best to diffuse the situation by using what seemed most logical to him. "You're clearly attracted to me, that much I know for sure. So why are you making it out to be so bad?"

"I'm not gay!" Was all Ryan could think of to say. With all of the points being made, this was all he could come up with. Rapid was right about him being attracted to her-er-him, but it doesn't change the fact that he just wasn't into guys...But at the same time, he went at Rapid like a wild animal in heat.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ANYMORE!!!

Having finally given up on life, Ryan let his head fall to the table. There was a loud smack that caused the nearby ponies to wince in pain for him as his face collided with the hardwood. A soft grumbling was all they heard from him after that.

There was a knocking at the front door that took their attention off of the collapsed human, who also had a reaction of his own at the interruption. "God dammit! Can I not have just five minutes to myself anymore!?" Ryan rose out of his seat and stomped his way over to the door, nearly breaking off the handle as he yanked it open. "I don't want your fucking..." His words trailed off as he locked eyes with the rainbow haired bitch that had been harassing him for a time now. The level of anger from early nearly tripled the moment he caught sight of her, causing his face to turn a deep red. "Make one move and I swear I will-"

"I'm not here to fight." Rainbow interrupted, a look of guilt spread widely across her features.

Ryan got the sudden feeling that something was off. It wasn't like her to just show up and not hit him the moment he stepped out. He then started to feel as though this would become a private affair. He turned his head back to the kitchen, spotting the ponies that were now watching him with curious eyes. "Bedroom, now." Both of them opened their mouths to speak, but he wasn't having it. "Do not make me have to come over there and stab you!" Their mouths closed as they glanced at one another, quickly rising from their seats and scurrying into the human's bedroom. "Shut the goddamn door!" He yelled after them, prompting the two to grab the handle and slam his door shut.

Rainbow Dash tried to peak over at who he was talking to, but didn't get the chance once they started moving. Before Ryan could turn his head back and catch her being nosy, she jerked back to her previous position with a nervous look about her.

Stepping to the side, he allowed the pegasus mare into his home. She took slow, cautious steps as she entered, letting her eyes travel all over the familiar looking house. It hadn't changed much since she was last over. In fact, everything was pretty much exactly where she remembered.

No matter what anypony said about him, Ryan was a fairly clean and organized person. Everything has its place and everything is in its place. But, she knew that the only reason he did things that way was because, if he moved anything, he would forget where he put it.

"Where the fuck is the couch?" Ryan asked as he stood in the freshly cleaned living room, his head jerking every which direction in an attempt to find the missing piece of furniture.

Rainbow peaked her head out of the bathroom, pulling a red toothbrush out of her mouth. "It's outside, super genius."

"Why the hell is it outside!?" He asked angrily, causing Rainbow to growl in response.

"You put it out there so you could mop." She responded.

A look of realization worked its way across his face. "Oh yeah..." He said with a dopey smile. His head turned toward Rainbow, intending to thank her. However, that thought stopped when he noticed something a bit peculiar. "Are you using my toothbrush?"

Rainbow Dash hummed in response, confirming that she was indeed using his toothbrush.

"...dick..."

Rainbow couldn't help but to smile some at the old memory. It had been so long since they've had a normal interaction like that. She missed it immensely, but could never bring herself to forgive his mistake. Shrugging off her thoughts, she made her way into the living room and took a seat on his couch.

Ryan followed her, but chose to stand beside her rather than sit. His eyes locked onto her form, trying to find any sign of her getting ready to pounce. While he may be cautious of her, he was more curious as to why she showed up. "You gonna tell me what you're doing here, or what?"

Dash was hesitant to answer, her pride being on the line just for coming over to Ryan's house. "I-I wanted...I want to..." Trying to get the words out was harder than she thought. It was easier to say she was going to do this compared to actually doing. She closed her eyes and swallowed, this time determined to say what she needed. "I want to apologize..."

Uhhh...UHHH...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *Explode*

Ryan stood in place, his eyes locked onto her as he tried to formulate a thought that didn't consist of one hundred percent gibberish or static. The buzzing in his mind did little to help him as well while he continued to look like a statue.

Rainbow Dash was suffering from a number of nervous ticks, her primary one being the rubbing of one her hands across her bicep. "I know that things between us have been rough after-" She paused, wincing a bit at the memory of their 'Break Up'. "That day...I just wanted to say that I was sorry...for everything..." Her head angled itself upward, allowing her to see the petrified human looking down at her with wide eyes. "Aren't you gonna say something?"

*Static*

"Uhhh..." Was all he managed to get out at this point in time.

*Static Continues*

He placed both of his palms to his head, becoming slightly annoyed with his own lack of thoughts. He removed one of his hands, curling it into a fist before delivering a rather painful looking punch to the side of his own head. His neck naturally twisted from the impact, causing him to look away from Rainbow Dash.

Ow! What the hell was that for, you fuck-Oh...right

With mostly everything working the way it should, only one thought bothered to cross his mind. Moving into a more relaxed looking stance, Ryan realigned his vision onto the colorful mare on his couch. "...Why?"

"Why, what?" She asked, shrugging her shoulders.

He paused, his expression turning a bit sour. "Why now; After all of this fucking time, why wait to come here and say anything until right now?"

Rainbow's expression remained weak, her eyes sealing shut for a brief moment as she appeared to be trying to hold back tears. "I don't want to lose you." She said, staring up at him with pleading eyes as she sniffled. "I-I know we f-fight all the time, but...After what you said at the party, I couldn't..." This was all she could get out before burying her hands into her palms and sobbing to herself.

For the first time ever, Ryan watched Rainbow completely fall apart in front of him. Their separation lead to nothing but conflict and he grew to hate her more and more each day, but this was just painful to watch. The headstrong tomboy he once knew was gone, leaving a weeping mess on his couch...

Son of a BITCH!!!

Ryan growled angrily at himself. It were almost as if these ponies were learning his weakness and intentionally using it against him. Nevertheless, his body pretty much auto piloted him to the couch. His body fell into the plush surface, letting his rear sink into the cushions.

Before Rainbow Dash could break away from her breakdown to see him, Ryan's arm snaked its way onto her shoulder and forced her head into his chest. She didn't move, she didn't speak. The only sign that she was even still alive was the occasional sniff she would involuntarily make.

Keeping the silence at its current level, Ryan didn't let his mouth open for anything. He merely held her in place with one arm as the other worked its way to her head and started scratching behind one of her long blue ears. Eventually, he felt Rainbow Dash's arms wrap around his waist as she tried to burrow herself deeper into him.

"Awww!" Chrysalis and Rapid cooed in the background.

A pair of growls could be heard as Rainbow's arm shot off of Ryan and grabbed a glass ashtray from the coffee table in front of them, not taking her head off of his chest. Just as she went to throw it, his furless arm reached out, grabbed it from her hand, then proceeded to launch the projectile at the voice's source.

The two yelped, quickly closing the bedroom door to avoid getting hit. The solid glass hit the wooden structure with a loud bang, pretty much signalling that bad things would come their way with they didn't knock off their bullshit.

Ryan returned to patting Rainbow's mane while he stared off into the distance, her responding in kind by replacing her free arm back around his waist.

They sat in silence (ain't that a recurring theme), just trying to figure out where to go from here. As far as Rainbow Dash was concerned, all would be forgiven in time. Knowing him as well as she did, she could easily tell right off the bat that if he did forgive her it would take him a some time to warm up to her again.

While he stared off at nothing in particular, Ryan couldn't help but think back on all of the times he and Dash had hung out before all of the drama started. When she wasn't going on about her dreams and ambitions, they were stuck in a constant dick fighting competition that never seemed to end. It wasn't bad by any means. In fact, he enjoyed it immensely. Being able to yell and bitch at someone then laugh about it with them later was something he really enjoyed in a friendship, and his relationships. Rainbow Dash was one of the few females he had met in his life who he could throw a punch at and she would respond by beating the absolute hell out of him.

Now if she were ginger and had bigger tits then he probably would have proposed to her, but commitment was nothing short of a war that he couldn't seem to win. He wasn't sure where things between him and Rainbow would go from this this point, but he hopped that maybe he'd be able to walk through town now without having to hide from every cloud he saw.

Rainbow Dash was a volcano ready to erupt if shaken wrong. She had a constant urge to be bigger and better than anypony that came across her. She was loyal to her core, as dangerous as she is stunning, and had a temper that could melt the polar ice caps. All of these and more is what caused him to like her so much. Maybe, now that the air was relatively clear, things would start looking up...

I still want to hit her

Author's Note

Sorry about this chapter being so short, my brain aint working as well as it normally does...which, honestly, isn't that good XP

Remember to slap that LIKE button like a bitch if you enjoy this story. Also, feel free to share it with your friends and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Nurse(ish) On Duty

Ryan stared off into space, looking at his wall, but at the same time not. Since Rainbow had left earlier, he hasn't left the couch. His mind was going a thousand miles per second, just trying to figure out where to go from here. He didn't know how everything was going to work out with her. Were they supposed to pretend like nothing happened and start over, or were they supposed to work past it in some other way? He just didn't know.

While he sat in a near cancer-inducing silence, in the background both Rapid and Autumn stared at the back of his head with worry. Rapid more-so than Autumn. In fact, Autumn didn't look like she could care less.

"Do you think he's going to be okay?" Rapid asked, looking as though he were afraid for the human rather than of him for once. "He hasn't even moved for the last two hours."

Autumn shrugged, still appearing to feel indifferent about his behavior. "Who knows." She simply said, earning her a shocked look from Rapid. "What? I'm sure he'll be fine."

Rapid gave her an almost disgusted look, "Aren't you even a little bit concerned about him? He's your friend, isn't he?"

She appeared to be juggling a few thoughts as she made a certain expression at Rapid. "Eh, yes and no. It's a matter of perspective, really." Before he could say anything else to her, her body started to tense up and even shook some. A new look worked its way onto her features, like she had just been informed of something important. "I need to leave." She said without any further explanation as she walked over to the couch.

Autumn stared at the mentally lost human for a brief second before clapping her hands together right in front of his face. He jumped a bit and looked over at her without offering much else as a response. She leaned down a bit, staring directly into his eyes so that she knew he would be listening. "Ryan, I need to go for a while. I can't say how long for sure; maybe a few days." She rose back to her full height and walked over to the door, not bothering to grab a coat, or anything for that matter. "Try not to do anything too stupid while I'm gone."

Ryan watched with less-than-curious eyes as she left, keeping his thoughts on how to go about his next few days with the whole Rainbow Dash thing going on. Figuring that he needed to actually get up and move some, he rose from the couch and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water, letting any an all thoughts about his Pegasus with benefits blow away for now.

Rapid was starting to feel uncomfortable with the whole situation. He wanted to help, but it wasn't technically his problem. He also felt as though he shouldn't get involved, seeing how this wasn't any of his business. Maybe he should leave and let Ryan be alone, go back to his own life and leave well enough as it is.

Just as he was about to settle with the idea of leaving and go off to Celestia-knows-where, something caught his attention. The sound of glass breaking rang through the house, coming from the kitchen. Instinctively, Rapid ran over to see what had happened.

Upon entering the room, he was met with a sight that made his concern grow nearly tenfold.

Ryan was leaning against the sink, his arms being the only support he had as his knees rested against the floor. His skin was pale, as if all of the blood in his body had been drained out. His breathing was heavy and he looked like he was going to kill over at any second. The glass he was holding earlier was in pieces on the floor beside him.

Fuck, it hurts! Someone kill me, please!

Being careful not to step on any of the glass, Rapid worked his way over to the ill-looking Ryan, approaching with caution. "Ryan." He said in a shaken tone. "Are you okay?" The only thing he received in return was a pained groan as the human's body leaned back, his head angling upward toward the ceiling.

Goodnight, Aunt Mindy...

Unable to hold on any longer, both physically and mentally, he toppled backwards onto the floor, his head just barely managing to miss the shattered glass that littered the area around him.

Several Hours Later

Ryan awoke looking like absolute hell. He could feel the almost unbearable pulsing in the back of his head, each one feeling as though a knife were being shoved deeper and deeper into his skull. A number of distressed groans escaped his throat as he attempted to lift himself from his...bed?

Looking around, he took a mental not that he was no longer in the kitchen, which was weird. The last thing he remembered was getting up to grab a drink, after that everything went blank.

Sitting up, he propped himself up against the headboard with his back. "Fuck..." He said in a hollowed, dried out tone. "Brain...Report!"

Kill-ow, Ow, OW!!! KILL ME!!!

Ryan raised his hands to his head, digging his fingers into his scalp as he tried to force the pain away by repeating the words 'Fuck off' over and over again in his head. This, obviously, did very little to help. Every little move he made only caused the pain to grow and torment him further.

"Ryan!" He flinched, the sound of someone else speaking his name only pushing him deeper into the rabbit hole he was stuck in. It wasn't long before he felt the gentle touch of soft, furry hands pulling his own from his face. "Thank Celestia, you're awake. I was starting to think that-"

"For the love of all that is holy, shut your goddamn mouth!" He yelled, his body tensing up as the sound of his own voice seemed to ring in his ears.

Rapid took a step back, being careful not to do anything that might upset him further. "I'm sorry." He whispered, "I was just worried that-" He was interrupted as Ryan let out a growl, replacing his hands to his head. Whatever was going on, it was causing the human pain and he couldn't help but feel inclined to aid him. "You have to tell me what's happening to you. I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."

"You can't help me...period!" Ryan winces from his own shouting, apparently not learning his lesson the first god damn time. "Fucking...Migraines..." He muttered, being just loud enough for his guest to hear him.

Rapid almost collapsed, taking a much needed breath of relief. For a while there he thought Ryan was going to keel over. A smile spread across his face as he looked down at the sickly human. "Thank Celestia, I thought you were a goner."

"Shut up!" Ryan yelled, trying to silence the feminine stallion. He place a hand against his stomach while the other continued to grip his cranium. "I think I'm gonna be sick." He said, his body convulsing as he moved the hand on his head over his mouth. Quick as a bullet, Rapid took off out of the room, arriving in the blink of an eye with a small black trash bin held out to the human.

Ryan yanked the bin to his gut with both hands and proceeded to empty the contents of his stomach into the plastic bag within. Rapid turned away during this, not finding a whole lot of enjoyment in his actions. There was a small pause in his hurling, leaving them both in silence for a good two or three seconds. Once that small amount of time had passed, there was a loud thud that immediately grabbed Rapid's attention.

He turned back to find the bin sitting off to the side on the bed, while Ryan laid face down against the floor. Rapid could only assume that the human had toppled over as he watched him attempt to raise himself from the ground.

Again, every move he made only increased the pulsing pain in his head. Falling over didn't faze him, but trying to get up was killing him from the inside. No matter how hard he tried, Ryan couldn't get himself off of the floor.

Rapid came up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Here, let me help you."

"Fuck off, I can do it myself." Ryan growled, swinging his arm out and shoving Rapid away from him. He continued to try and fail at getting himself up. At one point he managed to get onto his knees, but only to become lightheaded and fall over once again. His breathing was heavy, his chest heaving as he struggled to get the energy he needed to get up. The more he tried the fuzzier things became in his head, like he wasn't perceiving things correctly.

Finally, seeing that he was getting nowhere, he submitted to God's will, letting himself stay in his place on the floor as he accepted his fate. "I give up!" He shouts to the heavens. "I'm done, kill me." He felt a pair of hands upon him once again, pulling him up as his body hung almost lifelessly. "That's weird, shouldn't I be going down?"

Rapid rolled his eyes as he pulled against the human's weight, lifting him until he was just high enough to roll onto the bed. "Why is it so hot in here?" Ryan asked, feeling himself beginning to sweat.

Rapid noticed this as well. Seeing how the poor bastard couldn't really take care of himself, he mentally declared that he stay here and nurse Ryan back to full health. This might earn him quite the lecture, and maybe even some blunt force trauma, but he couldn't just leave him here to suffer alone.

Taking on a determined stance, Rapid got to work on planning out how to help Ryan. First and foremost, he needed a bath. The sweat accumulating all over his body was starting to leave a very pungent smell to lurk around the bedroom.

When he was sure that Ryan wasn't going anywhere, Rapid made his way to the bathroom, leaning down into the tub to turn on the faucet. The water would need to be cool, due to Ryan's rising body temperature. He probably wouldn't like it, but the furless ball of rage was in no condition to fight him over it.

With the tub being filled, Rapid turned off the water and went back to the room. Ryan hadn't moved since he had left earlier, which was a good thing...kind of. He went over to the bed, grabbing Ryan's arm and pulling him onto his feet. "What's happening?" He asked with a dazed look on his face. "Where are we going?"

"Just follow me, I'll take care of you." Rapid replied, pulling Ryan's arm over his shoulder and leading him to the bathroom. Once inside, he sat Ryan down on the edge of the tub. "Now hold still." He said, pulling the human's shirt off.

Ryan was too out of it to respond to what was happening. His brain felt like pudding, if that pudding had a broken plastic spoon stuck inside of it.

It was a bit of a struggle to get Ryan's pants off. It wasn't that he was struggling or anything. In fact, he was doing the exact opposite. He was as still as a corpse, and with how he looked he could pass for one as well. Regardless, Rapid was successful with de-clothing him. All that would be left was to get him into the tub. It would be...if he hadn't already fallen into it.

Ryan's body hit the water with a smack, splashing Rapid along with everything else within the vicinity. He grumbled a bit from having his clothes soaked, and from looking around, knowing that he was going to have to clean up this mess.

Rapid sighed, moving over to the tub and pulling Ryan up from the water so he wouldn't drown. The human took in a dramatic amount of air once he breached the water's surface. "This is gonna be a long day."

It's Alive...Sadly

Author's Note

I'm still in a weird kind of mood, so I apologize for this, but I didn't edit this. I'm just not feeling up to it right now, but it's been a while since I put up anything and this chapter has been sitting here for weeks so...enjoy

It's Alive...Sadly

The work day finally came to an end. The sky was clear and the sun was just barely hanging over the horizon, casting a yellowish orange light over anything its ray touched. With her schedule clear, Rainbow Dash could finally go home. However, she found her thoughts plagued by a certain human that she had visited the day before.

She couldn't seem to get him out of her mind. No matter where she tried to direct her thoughts, something always brought them back to him; Whether be a simple memory, or even just a reminder of how he acted.

Hovering in the air, she contemplated going to see him. While she did apologize to him for everything he had to go through with her, she knew he wasn't one to open up out of the blue. Sure he could forgive and forget, mostly forget, but his trust wasn't something he would just hand out to anypony who asked. He was far more complex than that, no matter how one-dimensional he tried to act. There were small slip ups he had in the past that gave him more depth, in her eyes at least, but he was always quick to recover.

It was almost like he was trying to hide who he really was; Beneath all of the random sex, drinking, and vulgarity, there was a well developed, and maybe even kind, character in there. She would never understand why he would hide that from everypony, but that didn't stop her from wondering.

Seeing that how she didn't really have anything to lose, she decided to swing by his place. It was easy to spot from above, a simple fly by and a quick stop would get her there in under a minute. With a few quick flaps of her wings she was off, even mentally timing herself as she came upon the small home. Turns out, she overestimated the time; Forty-six seconds was all it took for her to get there and stop just a few steps away.

Rainbow looked over herself to make sure she was at least decent enough. The weather outside was starting to pick up, so she didn't have to put on anything too thick. Her jeans were a little beat up from all of the stunts she's done in the past, but her black tank top was in much better condition.

Satisfied with how she looked, Rainbow Dash hesitantly raised her hand to the door and gave it a few soft knocks. A small amount of movement could be heard from within before the lock clicked and the door opened.

Rapid looked out at Rainbow dash, a neutral expression on his face as he did so. He didn't know a whole lot about this mare, her name included, all he knew was that she and Ryan have a pretty complicated past. "Hello..."

"Hi..." Rainbow replied with a confused look. It's not uncommon for Ryan to have a random mare as a guest, this much she knew from watching him during their feud, but something seemed off about this one. "Is Ryan home?"

"No...well, yes." Rapid really didn't want anything to happen, but he didn't like lying either. Knowing that their relationship was pretty toxic he felt as though he should keep them apart, at least until he was better. "He's not feeling well right now, so if you could come back-"

"What's wrong with him?" Rainbow asked, looking slightly annoyed. If he wasn't feeling well, then she would have liked to be informed. "And if he's sick, why isn't he seeing a doctor?"

Rapid was starting to feel uncomfortable, it was almost like she was trying to start a fight with him. While he isn't one to be a pushover, he is no fighter. "I-I tried, but every time I pull out of bed he collapses."

Rainbow's annoyed expression quickly shifted to worry as she started trying to look past Rapid. "Where is he? Let me see him."

Still not thinking that her meeting him would be a good idea, Rapid shook his head at her. "I'm sorry, but I don't think that-" Rapid fell silent as he felt a hand grip his shirt and pull him forward. His eyes became filled with fear as they were forced to meet the angry Pegasus'.

"I wasn't asking..." Rainbow growled, glaring at Rapid. "Now move it!' She yelled shoving Rapid to the side and marching into the house. Making her way into Ryan's room, she couldn't help but have this sinking feeling in her gut, like she wasn't going to like what she was gonna see.

If only she knew how right she was going to be.

Rainbow Dash stormed into the humans bedroom, ready to tear it apart to find him if she needed to. But, she didn't. His figure could be seen beneath his sheets, laying at an awkward angle on the bed. Moving to the other side of the room to get a better look at him nearly caused her to gag, forcing her to place a hand over her mouth.

To say that Ryan looked like hell would be an understatement. The upper half of his body was hanging off of the bed, his nearly ghost-white skin making it all too easy to find him in the dimly lit room. His body was sweating, and his hair was a disheveled greasy mess. His eyes were just barely open and several strings of saliva and vomit could be seen dripping down from his lips into a plastic bin under him.

His sensitive ears picking up on the sound, Ryan raised his head, barely, to look for the source. "Rapid?" He said weakly, his eyes trying desperately to scan the room. "I thought I told you to fuck off."

Rainbow removed her hand from her mouth so she could speak as she looked down at him in fear; Not of him, but for him. "Actually, it's me..."

Ryan's neck twisted in every direction but hers. "Dash...Where are you?"

"I'm in front of you..."

"I can't see you." He said as he continued looking around. After about a minute of searching he finally gave up and let his head hang down again. "How are you doing, Dashie?"

"I could ask you the same thing." She said with a forced giggle, doing her best to mask how hurt she was to see him like this. Not once had she ever seen him so weak and defenseless. It was kind of sad, really.

"Well, my eyes aren't working and I feel like I got kicked in the head by the horse." Ryan began, keeping his head hung low. "Aside from that, I feel great. Got to stay in bed all day. Bet you wish you were me, you lazy bitch." He finished with a soft laugh.

"I think I'll pass." Rainbow replied, slowly moving closer to him.

Ryan chuckled, "Yeah, I would to." Unknown to him, Rainbow Dash was only a few inches from him now, kneeling down so she could look over him more closely. He felt her hand gently touch his forehead. "What are you doing."

"Nothing..." She said, brushing a few strands of his hair out of his face. Her next words could have been taken as an insult, but they held a large level of both sincerity and worry. "You look awful."

"I feel awful..."

Out of her peripheral, Rainbow spotted Rapid standing by the doorway looking scared and concerned. "I'll be right back." She says to Ryan, who groans in response as she gets up and goes to join the pony. She stops when she's standing right in front of Rapid, crossing her arms and wearing a disappointed look. "I'm sorry." She whispers to him before putting on a small smile, "Thanks for watching over him. I'm Rainbow Dash, by the way."

Rapid felt a blush work its way onto his face. It wasn't often that a cute mare thanked him for something, or even spoke to him at all. "It's fine- I mean, it's no-uh, I'm glad to help. I'm Rapid Manes"

Rainbow Dash smiled at him, ruffling his mane with a hand. "Calm down, you act like you've never spoken to a mare before." She said, causing Rapid to feel uncomfortable again. "Come on, let's get to work."

Rapid shot her a curious gaze as she walked past him. "What do you mean?"

Rainbow stopped, turning to face Rapid. "If we can't get him to a doctor then we'll just have to take care of him ourselves." She said proudly, "Now move your flank. The pharmacy is gonna close any minute."

The trip there and back wasn't a long one, but it gave them enough time for Rainbow Dash to explain a majority of what happened between her and Ryan. Rapid couldn't say that he condoned Ryan cheating on her, but vouched for him on not understanding pony culture and even having the balls to confess to it rather than keep what he did secret.

While Rainbow Dash should be happy he did fess-up about his mistake, part of her wished that he didn't tell her. But she knew that would just be a kick to the head cause she'd eventually have found it out on her own. It really wasn't his fault for not knowing about Pegasi courting rituals, but at the time she was too mad to think about it and let her emotions, and her pride, get the best of her. It took her hearing say that he wanted her out of his life for her to finally cave. Despite all they've gone through, she didn't want to lose him. What they had in between may not have been considered good, but it was all she had left of him.

Rainbow Dash would never say it out loud, but she really does care deeply for Ryan and would do anything so that they can still be a part of each others lives. For the longest time she hoped and prayed that she would wake up one day and be back in his house while they bantered back and forth. They would get annoyed and get in each other face, throw a few punches, then go into the most brutal make out session. This would go on for only minutes before Ryan would slide his hand up her shirt and-

"Rainbow Dash!"

"Huh?" Before she could process what was happening, Rainbow Dash walked face first into the front door of Ryan's house. She took a few steps back, using her free hand to rub her muzzle as she continued to hold a paper bag in her other hand. "Ow..."

Rapid was quick to come up to her, looking over her muzzle to make sure nothing was out of place. "I'm sorry, Rainbow. I tried calling your name, but you didn't respond."

Rainbow waived Rapid off. "It's okay, I'm fine." She sniffed a few times to be sure everything was working properly. "Guess I zoned out for a bit there, huh?"

"No kidding." Rapid responded, giving Rainbow Dash he space. "It was like you were in a completely different world."

"Yeah, a little bit." Rainbow Dash walked back to the door, this time doing her best not to fuck it with her face.

They stepped into the house, setting their bags on the coffee table to sort through everything they had. It was getting late, so after being sure they had everything they needed, they did one last check-up on Ryan; He was fast asleep. The two moved back out into the living room, Rainbow Dash grabbing the coffee table and pulling it off into a corner.

Rapid watched her curiously, "What are you doing?' He asked, unsure of why she was rearranging his furniture. "I don't think he'll be happy if we reorganize all of his stuff."

Rainbow rolled her eyes with a small grin on her face, but didn't say anything. Instead she walked over to the couch and removed the cushions, once off she grabbed a small metal handle from within and pulled on it. The inside of the couch came out and unfolded into a bed.

Rapid stared with wide eyes, his mouth opening into an o as the realization hit him. "Okay, I see what you're doing now."

"About time." Rainbow teased, pointing over to a nearby closet. "There's some spare blankets in there. Grab them for me, would ya."

Paid nodded and went over to the closet, grabbing the spare blankets and returning to the couch with them. Rainbow Dash grabbed one from him and placed it down on the bed to give them a softer surface to lay on. Grabbing the cushions she removed earlier, she set them at the head so they could be used as pillows.

When all was said and done, Rainbow eagerly plopped down onto the fold-out bed, letting out a content sigh as she got comfortable. An odd silence accompanied her once she was in place, prompting her to look over. Rapid was standing awkwardly beside the bed, just staring down at it and her.

Rainbow Dash blinked a few times as she watched him stand their like...well, she didn't know how to describe it, but it was weird. "Are you gonna come to bed, or just stare at it all night?"

5 AM

Rapid reluctantly awoke from his sleep as the sound of running water assaulted his ears. Lifting himself up a bit, he looked over toward the kitchen, but nothing was going on over there. Craning his neck a bit further he saw that the bathroom light was on. Assuming Rainbow Dash was in there, he waited for about a minute or so, but the water didn't stop running.

"Rainbow, what are doing?" He all but yelled over. There was a groan to his side, causing him to jump slightly as his head shot over to the rainbow maned pegasus.

Rainbow Dash lifted herself from the bed, propping herself up with an arm as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes with her other arm. "I'm sleeping; What does it look like?"

It took her a moment to notice, but Rapid was staring at her with a look of shock on his face. Naturally, this confused her, at least until she picked up on the sound of running water as well and looked over to see light creeping out from under the bathroom door.

Suddenly, and without warning the water turned off and the door was kicked open by a refreshed and healthy looking human. "Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me! I aint the sharpest tool in the shed." Ryan damn near skipped over to the couch, turning around so his back was facing the ponies, his hand on his head with his thumb out and his middle finger pointing toward the ceiling. "She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an 'L' on her forehead." His song ended as he fell backward, letting his body land on top of the ponies crashing on his couch.

Rainbow Dash and Rapid were too surprised by his appearance to react. Just a few hours ago he looked like he belonged in a casket and now, here he was; Looking as though he had just walked out of a spa. His skin had color again, his eyes were bright and full of life, and his voice was as loud and obnoxious as ever.

"Ryan..." Rainbow Dash began, looking like she was about to explode with joy. "You're look great!"

"Damn right I do!" Ryan yelled in response. "Bitch, I'm beautiful!" He sifted around on the bed, squeezing himself between the two ponies before placing an arm around either of them. They were about to say something, but he stopped them by using his hands to cover their mouths. "Shhh! No talkie, I'm still tired." He removed his hands from their mouths, but kept his arms around their shoulders, yanking them back down to the bed as he forced himself down. "Embrace me!"

The two settled with going back to bed, being more than happy with the fact that their friend was feeling better. Rapid and Rainbow found a spot on Ryan to huddle into. Rapid stuck to his side like a barnacle, while Rainbow Dash rested her head on his chest and curled her legs around his.

The room was once again silent, but for the first time ever, it was a peaceful silence. One that you could just kick back in. Of course, Ryan found this to be an issue.

This is an easy fix.

"So, Rapid." Ryan began, "Have you shown Dash your penis yet?" The air in the room suddenly became extremely awkward as both ponies tensed up, their eyes nearly bulging out of their skulls; but for different reasons.

Much better

Of Hearts and Hooves

The air outside was still cold, as it would likely continue to be for several more weeks. The snow was virtually gone, but the temperature was still low and the occasional breeze didn't bring much comfort either. With it being rather cold, you would think most ponies would continue wearing thicker clothing. However, that was not the case.

While the ponies had a somewhat natural protection from the cold, a certain sentient life-form wasn't as blessed as they. Donning a pair of blue jeans, a pair of old boots, and a thick black hoodie was the one and only human to ever, quote unquote, grace this land. His hands remained tucked in his pockets as he looked around town, taking in the area around him. Everything was a bit more pink than he remembered. This specific color littered everything he came by; Pink pain, pink streamers, pink balloons; some even shaped like hearts.

Ryan, while not being completely oblivious to pony holidays, still found the occasional one sneaking up on him. This one was pretty obvious to tell. Pink everything, hearts everywhere, the local pharmacist selling boxes of chocolate; He even spotted a sign above Doughnut Joe's that read, 'Happy Hearts and Hooves Day!'

I never really cared much for this holiday, but I like our name better. At least Valentines can be traced back to a small number of murders.

Ryan let out an annoyed sigh. Valentines day was one of the few holidays he absolutely despised. In all honesty, he just didn't see the point in it. It's hardly a reason to celebrate. You're in a relationship, congratulations! You've lost three fourths of your freedom and have Death breathing down your neck with every move you make. You wanna hang out with your friends today? Whelp, that just fucking sucks doesn't it? Cause instead you have to go spend time with this cute girl you hooked up with. Sure you're just gonna sit there like a statue while she bitches about the stupidest shit, but you love her!

Doughnut Joe opens the door to his shop, causing the human to snap out of his inner monologue. The stallion looks over at him with a big smile, looking ready to take on the day. "Good morning, Ryan." He booms from the store with a wave. "Happy Hearts and Hooves Day!"

Ryan's face contorts in disdain. He makes a loud snort and spits a wad of snot and mucous at the pony's feet. "Get fucked!"

He walked away, leaving Joe both disgusted and confused. His disgust was clear, but his confusion came from a lack of understanding. Almost every time he had seen Ryan, he was in the shop with a mare, if not multiple. The only reason somepony would be upset on this holiday would be if they were single. Stories of his promiscuous nature floated around the town in record time, prompting many of the single mares to go after him and he's come to the shop many a time for with all kinds of dates. Surely he had a special somepony. So why was he so mad? Joe watched in silence as Ryan stormed away, angrily, barely taking notice of the ponies now walking into his shop.

As Ryan walked off in a random direction, he couldn't help but notice some of the outfits being worn i this weather. He did notice that earlier many ponies were wearing sweaters and the occasional coat. However, those were stallions. Seeing the mares threw him for a loop. Most of them were wearing something that likely should only be worn in the summer...at a lake...with your boyfriend...in a cheesy horror film.

Needless to say, at this point, they looked like sluts. Everywhere he looked mares were dressed in Jean shorts, short shorts, tank tops, low cut shirts, or even just bras an really tight pants. A strange scent worked its way into his nostrils, one that he had grown all too familiar with in his long nights with his 'Cuddle Buddies'.

They were all aroused, and dressed like skanks. It was like he was looking out at an all you can fuck buffet, which was no small stretch. Nearly anything male that they passed by was earning some suggestive looks from them.

This is too good to be true...We must be dreaming

As great as this would normally seem, something about it did feel off. While arousal isn't uncommon, they were making no attempts to hide it; Which is weird. He couldn't help but wonder if this was some sort of cultish type of deal with their holiday, but didn't want to assume.There was only one pony he was sure he could trust when it came to pony culture, seeing how many of the others would just assume he was an idiot for not understanding the basics. One short trip to the over sized eyes sore on the edge of Ponyville later, Ryan pounded on the castle door with a closed fist and waited patiently for an answer.

A small amount of time passed when the door finally opened, revealing a rather...disturbing looking Twilight. Her mane was a mess and her outfit was wrinkled and dirty, it also appeared to be a bit damp; Like she had put it on straight out of the washer. She also had a large amount of sweat dripping down from her forehead.

"Uhhh..." Was all Ryan could seem to get out at that moment. It wasn't like her to be so disheveled and disorganized-looking. "How's it going?" He asked, sounding very unsure of pretty much everything right now.

Twilight stared up at him, her eyes wide and slightly bloodshot. "Ryan..." She said in a voice just above a whisper. "You really shouldn't be here."

The door began closing, but Ryan wasn't having any of it. His foot slammed into the bottom of the door, wedging itself in between it and the floor. "Okay, seriously! What the fuck is going on?" He yelled, beginning to lose his temper. "Ponies are being sluts and now even you are acting weird! What the fucking hell!?"

Twilight responded by pressing harder against the door. This did very little to get him to leave, but pushed his annoyance drastically. "Okay, now I'm starting to get a little mad!" Ryan reached an arm through the crack of the door, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her to the side. With her body out of the way, he was able to push the door completely open and step inside. "Tell me what's happening!!!"

For a moment Twilight stared up at him in fear, but her expression soon changed to something more...let's say hungry.

Why is she looking at us like that?

Twilight's eyes were lidded, her pupils nearly taking up the entirety of her eyes. She reached a hand up, gently caressing the one Ryan was using to hold on to her. With little hesitation her hand glided up his arm, touching and squeezing every muscle she came upon. Once she made it to his bicep, which was swollen from the force he was using to hold her, she stopped and settled with rubbing her palm up and down the firm flesh.

Beginning to feel uncomfortable, Ryan attempted to pull away from the weird purple horse. However, her grip held firm, probably more so than his own. "Let go..."

Twilight pulled herself closer to Ryan, staring at him with some sort of primal urge that nearly made him piss his pants. "Wow, Ryan." She said almost longingly, coming close enough for her chest to press into his sternum. "I never realized how big and strong you were."

"Seriously, joke's over." Ryan began as he started backing away, stopping as he found the door behind him mysteriously closed and pressed up against his back. "Knock it off, you bitch!"

He could do little more than watch as Twilight bit her lip, her eyes rolling into the back of her head for a moment as she hummed in delight. "I love it when you talk dirty to me."

Normally Ryan would have no problem hooking up with one of the ponies in this world. They were all strangely attractive and seemed fond enough of him to give him the time of night, but this just felt wrong. He could see the lust in her eyes, but that's all this was. If she were in the right mind this likely wouldn't be happening. She didn't want this, this was something else entirely.

Twilight pressed herself against him, one of her hands finding its way onto his leg and up his thigh until-

Code S!

There was a loud smack that reverberated through the halls of the castle, the sound of flesh meeting flesh dominating any other that may have resided prior. Twilight took a few steps back, a hand pressed firmly against her cheekbone as her face angled itself downward.

Operation; Slap A Hoe is a resounding success

Ryan stood in his place, his chest rising in falling dramatically as he seemed to struggle for each breath. On the inside he was panicking. Hitting a woman, human or otherwise, was just plain wrong. He was against it heavily and had beaten men half to death for even suggesting it. He reminded himself over and over that this was for her own good, but still felt guilty.

A few moments of silence pass without either of them so much as moving. Finally, Twilight raises her head and levels it toward Ryan. Her eyes were filled with shock as she continued to cradle the side of her face in her palm. Mouth opening, she tried to speak, but it took her a second. "Ow..."

Ryan made a few odd body movements to make sure she was behaving normally. "You with me in there, book horse?"

Twilight removed her hand from her face, revealing a very prominent red handprint on her cheek. "I'm fine," She said, still trying to process all that had happened. "Wait, you hit me!"

Phase two of Code S; Take what you have coming to you

Ryan winced as she vocalized what he had done. There was a pressure in his chest that grew larger as he looked at the mark on her face. "Y-yeah...I did..." He responded, his voice sounding as if he were about to cry but his face completely expressionless. "And now you need to hit me...Really hard...In the dick..."

Twilight blinks three times, being taken back by what he said. "What? No!" She yelled, "I'm not doing that!"

The world cannot be right again unless we make her do this!

Ryan's eyes closed as he let out a sigh, knowing very well what needed to be done. His arm raised, his hand open with his palm aiming at her. His face became one of anger as he went to swing at her. "I'll hit you again, bitch!"

All logic and reasoning immediately flew out the door as Twilight's defensive instincts kicked in. Her horn started glowing the moment his hand raised, her body flinching naturally before a large lavender fist appeared out of thin air and rammed itself into the human's groin. If that wasn't enough, a second one appeared and dashed straight into his skull. Ryan's body hit the ground almost instantly, the force being more than enough to knock him down.

*Static*

While Ryan wasn't particularly proud of the decisions he has made in his life, that last one specifically, he could at least continue to live on with a clear conscience. The sign of his never wavering sense of accomplishment came in the form of a bag of frozen peas that rested against his groin and a lazily thrown together ice pack on his head. This part wasn't so much his idea as it was Twilight's. Something about preserving functionality and preventing a concussion. That might not even be right, he was only half paying attention.

With his balls frozen in place and his ass planted onto a wooden chair, he attempted to keep himself conscious while Twilight went on a rant about the mare anatomy and what cycles it went through.

From day one he assumed that a mare's body would be virtually unidentifiable compared to a human female. He never really payed attention enough in school to learn that pretty much all mammals function the same when it comes to intimacy; so when he first bedded a mare and saw that everything was where it should be, he just assumed that they worked exactly the same as humans.

"This is known as a heat, or estrus, cycle." Twilight went on to say as she drew a circle around a small chart on the chalkboard she seemingly pulled out of nowhere. "During this period, a mare's body will become more sensitive and easily stimulated. A mare will experience a heat cycle every eighteen to twenty-one days and each cycle lasts for about five to seven days."

"Hold on a second!" Ryan yelled, prompting Twilight to look back at him with an inquisitive gaze. "Every eighteen to twenty-one days? I've been here a lot longer than that sweetheart and not once have I seen this bullshit happening."

Twilight let out an annoyed sigh. Clearly, he wasn't paying attention earlier when she went into details about how the heat cycle worked. "That's because you arrived here just before winter. Most mares enter an anestrus period during the winter and thus do not cycle in that period." She explained, "That's why you're just now starting to see it. Spring is coming and everypony's hormones are flying through the roof after such a long break from their cycles."

Ryan nodded, appearing to understand everything she just told him. "You know you could have saved us both a lot of time by just saying, 'Hey, once a month we get horny and fuck anything that moves; So stay in your house when all you smell is wet pussy outside.'" He replied. While he did find her nerd-like behavior adorable every now and again, it was still more annoying than anything else. "Seriously, it doesn't always have to be some long, drawn out science project."

Taking a seat beside the board, Twilight rolled her eyes at the human. "Well, I thought you would appreciate me sharing my knowledge with you." She retorted, "Maybe I thought you would enjoy learning something new about ponies. But, I guess I was wrong." She said with crossed arms and a tightened expression.

The bag of peas and ice pack that previously resided on Ryan's form soon found their way to Twilight's feet. "I guess you were." He simply replied, rising from his chair and giving his blueberries a gentle rub. "I'm glad you were able to see the error of your ways." Upon getting up from his seat, Ryan made his way over to the caste door.

Twilight watched as he did this, shooting him a curious look. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going home, jackass." He said matter-of-factly. "And once I'm there, I'm barricading my doors so I don't have to live in constant fear of being raped."

Not even giving Twilight a second to respond, he yanked open the door, only to slam it shut upon his departure. It was still a tad nipply outside, but that was about the worst of it. The weather was the last thing on his mind though. According to Twilight, every mare in the world is hot and bothered, and looking for a good time.

Ryan hummed to himself as he looked out at the open world. "What to do; what to do..."

There was a popping sound by his right ear that made him jump slightly. When he turned his head to find the source he spotted a small, cartoony version of himself standing on his right shoulder. It stood about the length of his middle finger, was dressed in all red, and looked kind of demonic. The only thing he could think to compare it to were one of those chibi drawings that people do for their favorite anime characters. However, this anime featured him if he had small ram horns and a tail.

"Rape and pillage!" The small character shouted, flying into the air on bat-like wings until it was eye level with Ryan. "Do you see all of that?" It asked, pointing a pitchfork towards Ponyville. "That town is yours for the taking! The pony pussy will be lined up, ready for you to use them like the animals they are."

Ryan was stuck in a state of shock. He stared, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, at the little winged bastard. "It's finally happened..." He muttered to no one in particular. "My mentality has shattered and I have descended into madness."

"It's okay..." Came a voice to his left, which revealed itself to be something similar to the little cartoon thing in front of him, but different. For starters, it was dressed in all black and had the most emo haircut imaginable. It had painted nails, each one a different shade of grey, and bright white hair; Finally, it was flying on a set of black bird-like wings. "We all go mad at one point or another. That's just how life is."

Tears were beginning to form in the human's eyes. "Brain?"

*Static*

The demonic looking chibi smacked Ryan in the nose with his pitchfork, pulling him out of whatever state he was in. His teary eyes were quickly replaced with an annoyed expression. "Snap out of it! Every second you're here is another second you miss out on pony fucking!"

Ryan rubbed the bridge of his nose where the small weapon had struck, being sure to flick the devil shortly afterward. This only knocked him back a few feet before he recovered. "What the hell even are you!?" He snapped, "Is this normal here? Is random shit like this just supposed to pop up like, 'Hey, fuck you science. You can suck my asshole!'"

"Maybe we should just go home and lay down for the next few hours." The emo-looking chibi cut in.

A little slow to react, Ryan pointed a thumb to emo chibi but continued to eye demon chibi. "I like that idea." He began, "Until whatever the fuck is wrong with me clears up; I'm just gonna go home, have a few beers, maybe-"

"Maybe you shouldn't start drinking. It's still pretty early, I mean." Emo cut in again.

This earned a shocked look from both Ryan and the cartoon devil version of Ryan. The two stared at him for nearly a full minute before the human finally raised a hand and swatted the emo chibi out of the sky like a lightning bug, sending him plummeting onto the staircase that lead to and from Twilight's castle door.

"How dare you!?" Ryan and the devil chibi shouted in unison, staring at the emo chibi with a look of both rage and disbelief.

The emo chibi sat up, looking completely unphased by any by Ryan's assault. He took flight again, finding his place on the human's left shoulder "That wasn't nice."

The demon chibi rested on Ryan's right shoulder, still pointing his weapon toward the small town. "Onward; Fluttershy awaits!"

That's when something finally clicked. Suddenly it was like every gear in Ryan's head had been freshly oiled and was turning again for the first time in years. It's the season of love, and it just so happens to also be the beginning of the heat cycle for mares far and wide. Fuck whatever condition Ryan is suffering from, that can wait. If there's a chance he's finally gonna be able to rock that pony's world, he's gonna take it!

"Ow, fuck!" Ryan yelled, feeling something hard smack against his head.

The demon chibi was staring him down with nothing short of pure anger in its eyes. "Stop using your brain already, you're wasting time. Now get out there and fuck yellow quiet!"

Ryan rubbed the top of his head, trying to figure out why this thing was such an asshole, on top still trying to deduce if it was real or not. Regardless, it was making some sense. The longer he stands around with his thumb up his ass, the less time he can spend with it up somepony else's.

Taking the long route was the best option, if also the most tedious. He wanted to avoid getting attention from anypony else, as his sights were currently set onto one pony.

Fluttershy, the first of the ponies that Ryan associated himself with. It was a long while before he spoke to anypony, but Fluttershy possessed a certain calming element about her; The mountains on her chest were just a bonus...a huge bonus. In time they started talking and things went well, to say the least. While she was tolerant and understanding of the cultural differences between the species, Ryan's rambunctious nature and explosive behavior was more than enough to keep her at bay from time to time. She didn't avoid him by any means, but being in the same room for more than a few minutes was about all she could take.

The constant ogling didn't help either. Ryan was sneaky, but he would slip up from time to time. Fluttershy has caught him staring at her on multiple occasions. And while this act was slightly flattering, it mostly just made her uncomfortable.

Ryan approached the cottage, seeing that it was the same as it has ever been, minus one crucial detail. The animals were gone, completely. Not once had he ever seen this place so devoid of animal life, it just wasn't natural.

A squealing of sorts pierced his ear drums, sounding off just barely loud enough to hear. Following the sound, Ryan came upon a tree that stood beside the small house, one he would use on those long nights when he couldn't sleep to watch FLuttershy while she-"Oh my god, I'm a creepy stalker."

The cartoon chibi characters appeared behind Ryan, the demonic one smacking him in the head with his pitchfork again. "Shut up, she'll hear you!"

"I'm gonna fucking kill you..." Ryan muttered to himself as he started climbing the tree. He memorized which branch he would need to get to in order to see through her window, while also remaining out of sight. As he got higher, the squealing got louder. When he finally made it to his spot, the noise stopped. He peaked over from behind the trees trunk; Just a few feet in front of him was the window to Fluttershy's room.

The window itself was closed, but the blinds were open, allowing him to see into the room. At first he didn't see anything, but after waiting about half of a minute, he saw her. She passed by the window completely naked, walking over to her closet on the other side of the room.

"Shit..." He whispered to himself, mostly out of disappointment. His thoughts began to collide with each other as he identified the position he was in. He was standing in a tree, literally stalking this poor mare.

"What's the problem?" Came the demon chibi on his right shoulder. "So you're watching her, what of it? If anything this just goes to show how attractive she is. You're complimenting her." While the demon's words did bring him some comfort, part of him still felt weird about the whole situation.

Ryan turned his head to the emo chibi and shot him a questioning look. Taking the hint, the chibi answered honestly. "Dude, this is just plain creepy."

Conflicted and unsure of what move to make next, Ryan climbed down out of the tree and sat down just beneath the kitchen window with his back pressed against the house. The sound of Fluttershy's hooves meeting the wooden floor echoed through his ears, getting louder with each passing second. Before long he was able to tell just by the sound that she was inside of the kitchen.

"Are you hungry angel?" He heard Fluttershy ask, followed by squeaking and stomping of the bunny he had grown to hate during his short time in Ponyville. "What? No, I don't have anywhere to be...Do i?" She paused, letting the bunny do his thing. Still to this day Ryan can't figure out how she understands these things.

Fluttershy giggled, "Of course not, Angel." More squeaking followed before her next reply. "Oh, I don't even know who I'd ask. Besides, I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm perfectly happy how I am."

"Ow..." Ryan whispered, holding a hand over his chest. "My ambitions."

The demon chibi let out a short growl. "Get it together. Just because she doesn't want a relationship, that doesn't mean she's not down to fuck."

The bunny continued communicating with Fluttershy. "Meep!" Was all she managed to get out, before remembering how to formulate a coherent response. "I don't know, Angel." She began, "I mean, I do like Ryan..."

Ryan's eyes widened and he silently celebrated. "Jackpot!"

"But not in that way." She finished, causing the human's celebration to be brought to an abrupt hault.

Hand placed back to his chest, he let himself fall down into the dirt. "My hope..."

The emo chibi hovered over Ryan, lowering himself and sitting Indian style on his forehead. Once settled in, the chibi patted the human's head, quietly shushing him. "It's okay, buddy."

As he laid there, dying on the inside, he continued to listen in to the one-sided conversation. "He's a good friend and all, but he lives a very turbulent lifestyle and I simply would not be able to keep up with him...I know he likes me, Angel. But, I just don't see him that way..."

In his mind, Fluttershy's words started to trail off. No longer caring if he was spotted, Ryan climbed back to his feet and started walking home. During his trek, he no longer was able to see the weird cartoon chibi's of himself. They simply vanished with neither trace nor sign of return.

Today was a trip and a half. First he was being ogled by every mare he passed, then nearly raped by Twilight, then nearly castrated by Twilight, then given a biology lesson, and finally was being influenced by tiny flying cartoon versions of himself before finding out the mare he was really hoping to get his hands on doesn't have a mutual interest in him.

Well, that was kind of depressing

"And where the hell have you been?" Ryan all but yelled, "Do you know what the fuck I had to put up with while you were fucking off and doing God-knows-what!?"

I saw them too, alright. Chill the hell out.

"What the fuck was that all about anyway; Like, seriously, how do those exist?" He asked with a hint of annoyance.

Shit if I know, probably a brain tumor waiting to burst

Ryan just sighed and continued his journey home, again taking the long way. He wasn't feeling up to bumping into anypony. Besides, the last thing he needed was to get wrapped up in that stupid, lovey-dovey, holiday bullshit. Finally making it back to his humble abode, he kicked open the door.

There was a yelp from inside of his house, which wasn't that surprising. He assumed Rapid would still be there, but noticed an extreme lack of FemStallion upon entry. In his place though was a certain cyan pegasus dressed in jean shorts and a white crop top. Behind her was a small group of red balloons in the shape of hearts and something else that was less floaty, but hidden behind her back.

Ryan stopped and stared for a minute, finding it difficult to have imagined this scenario. For starters, isn't the guy supposed to be the one bearing gifts for the girl? This little act was making him question his knowledge on the holiday.

It's a matriarchal society, jackass.

Okay, that would explain this situation. However, Rainbow Dash wasn't the kind of mare to show up with heart shaped balloons. Romance isn't exactly her strong suit. So why, and how, is she doing it now?

Ryan scanned the area with his eyes real quick, trying to see if he missed something. This could be some kind of prank. This wouldn't be the first time Rainbow tried to pull a fast one on him. Nothing seemed out of place; Turning his attention back to Dash, he started to remember a very important lesson he had learned earlier today.

Rainbow Dash was staring at him with an almost primal desire in her eyes, chewing on her lower lip as stared at him like a lion getting ready to pounce on a gazelle. A familiar stench seemed to dominate the small house, masking any other that may have previously resided. In the blink of an eye she appeared in front of Ryan, pulling him into the house before slamming the door behind him shut.

Ryan was frozen, his mind still trying to process how she just fucking teleported from one side of the room to the other. He was unable to finish this thought as Rainbow shoved him against the door using only her chest.

Her arms moved out in front of her, revealing a bundle of strings in one hand that held the balloons, and a box of chocolate in the other. "Happy Hearts and Hooves Day."

That tone was unnaturally cheery for her, which didn't help his discomfort. His eyes went over his current position, but were unable to find an escape route. All he could do was cooperate and hope for the best. He reached out to take her offering, but he must have taken too long.

Getting fed up with waiting, Rainbow Dash threw the gifts aside then proceeded to lunge herself into Ryan.

Lock the doors, close the blinds; We're going for a ride!

"That's not funny!" Ryan yelled, barely managing to break from Rainbow's forced oral embrace.

Yes it is

Author's Note

My motivation to write has just plummeted guys. I'm sorry, but I think I might be taking a break for a bit. At least until I can clear my head and get myself functioning properly. Maybe a few blows to the cranium will fix me up XP
Regardless, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. If you did, slap that LIKE button like a bitch! Feel free to also leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P

The Losing Party

"Rainbow, Darling; I'm sorry, but I'm simply too busy to help you." Rarity explained from her doorway, looking out at her distressed friend. "Believe me, it's not that I don't want to help, but I have so many orders to get filled out before this week's end."

Rainbow Dash was standing outside as she practically begged for her friend's assistance. "Please, rarity! I don't know who else to go to." She explained pleadingly, "He's just acting so weird. I think that there's something seriously wrong with him and he refuses to even look at me."

Rarity sighed, not wanting to upset Rainbow further, but also not having the time to deal with Ryan's odd behavior. "I'm sure he's fine. You know how he gets in his moods. You'll just have to wait for him to calm down."

"That's just it!" Rainbow went on to add, "He's not mad; He hasn't yelled, screamed, or broken anything. He's barely even moved!" She explained, appearing to be genuinely concerned for the human. "He didn't even have sex with me! Do you have any idea how hard it is to resist me, or any mare for that matter!"

This actually hit Rarity in an odd way. Normally Ryan was the first one to initiate some sort of sexual act. Hearing that he was refusing to do respond to a move made on him was unheard of. "Maybe you should start from the beginning, dear."

"Okay," Rainbow Dash began as she recalled what happened a few nights ago.

So, you know that Heartwarming is pretty much the start of our heat cycles?

"Yes, Rainbow. I am well aware of how our heat cycles work..." Rarity added matter-of-factly.

Yeah, so anyway; I slipped into Ryan's house while he was gone. I did the usual thing, you know? I bought some of those stupid balloons and a box of chocolate. I wanted to make it special and show him that I was ready to start things where they left off...Aside from our little dating mishap. I doubt he would have taken it that way, seeing how he has a marefriend, but there's always a chance-

"Rainbow, I'm supposed to be working. So if you could just get to the point-"

Right, sorry!

I was waiting in there for nearly an hour before he finally showed up. Like I said, I wanted to make it special, so I approached with the gifts in my hands. You know how well I work with that sappy stuff though. I ended up tossing those aside pretty much the moment I was close enough to get my hands on him.

We made out for barely a minute before he shoved me off of him and walked by me like I wasn't even there. "Ryan?" I said, obviously confused. He's never turned down sex with anypony! "Is something wrong?" I went on to ask.

He didn't reply, or even look at me. He just walked over to his fridge and grabbed the beer that's been sitting in there since he moved in.

"I'll admit, I did find it odd how that same six pack was just sitting in there for all this time." Rarity chimed in. "In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him drink beer. He usually goes for the stronger stuff right off the bat.

My point exactly!

He grabs the entire pack and goes to the table. Once he sat down he popped the cap off of one and just started downing the whole thing. I tried to get his attention again by uh...

"Are you alright, darling?" Rarity asked, noticing her friend's change in color. "You're turning a ghastly shade of red."

I'm fine!

Let's just say that I took much more extreme measures to try to get him to help me with my cycle. Now, this is where I knew for sure that something was wrong. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, his body would not respond. His dick was so flaccid it was practically inverting!

I finally got mad enough to give up and tried speaking to him again. Still, no response. He was like a statue; he didn't even blink. The only time he moved was when he went to drink his beer again.

After that I left, but I kept an eye on his place for the next couple of days.

"Dash, dear...No offense, but that's disturbing."

I'm just trying to look out for him!

So I watched the house over for the next few days to see if he would come out. He did the next day, but only to run to the store. I wasn't sure what he bought at first, but then I looked through his window the next day-

"You're not helping your case."

Shut up and let me finish!

I looked through the window to see what he was doing and found no sign of him. All I could really make out was the collection of empty beer bottles on his floor and some kind of music playing from his bedroom. After his trip to the store, which was four days ago, he hasn't left the house. He's like a hermit!

Rarity gave Rainbow Dash a pensive gaze, her arms crossed as she tried to figure out a few things out. "Why come to me?" She asked, finding this to be one of the most difficult questions to answer. "He gets along with you and Applejack better than I, so why seek me out? Doesn't he have a marefriend? Why isn't she helping him?"

"I can't find her anywhere, no pony can. It's like she just vanished off the face of the planet. There was one other pony staying with him for a while, but he left town to go back home." After finishing the first half of her statement, Rainbow Dash started to look uncomfortable, rubbing her left bicep with her hand as she looked for a way to continue. "Also..." She paused, finding herself pained to say this. "Because you and Ryan have a strong connection."

Rarity blinked a few times, taking a moment to absorb all of this information. His marefriend was gone, his other friend was gone, and now Rainbow is saying that she and him have a strong connection? "I'm not sure what you mean."

"You and Ryan..." Again she paused, finding each word she spoke to be more painful than the last. "You two had something special for a while when he first came around." She finally spit out, despite how each syllable made it feel as though she had swallowed a razor blade. "He trusted you, he spent time with you, he even heavily considered dating you. For someone like him...You have to hold a very special place in his heart for him to feel that way."

Rarity was at a loss for words. She never really thought about how Ryan might feel about her. Given the mindset he showed off, she always assumed that when he brought up the idea of dating her that it was just a ruse to get into her pants. Granted, it was only days after that when they became intimate, but the idea still came up every now and again.

If that were the case though, why didn't he ever say anything, or show her how he felt? Oddly enough, one specific memory popped up in her head. It was about three months after Ryan moved to Ponyville...

Fluttershy, Rarity, and Ryan were all sitting at the counter in Doughnut Joe's. Ryan was teasing Fluttershy when he caught her looking at him, Being her normal, shy self, she left for a moment to get her thoughts in order.

Rarity moved seats so she would be closer to Ryan. "Why must you tease her so?" She asked curiously, knowing very well that he wanted to hook up with her. "It doesn't seem like a very progressive way to go about achieving your goal."

"Can't help it," He replied, keeping his eyes forward. "it's just in my nature."

"Exactly!" He said, as if his point had only been proven further. "We were in private all those times, I didn't need to."

Those last words echoed through her head like a voice in the mountains. Recalling this specific moment begged the thought that he possibly did care deeply for her, but kept it hidden so no pony would know. Leave it to him to be so secretive about his feelings. She should have suspected something like this, but never had much of a reason to.

With this newfound information, she felt as if she were obligated to go and check on him now. She pinched the bridge of her muzzle between her thumb and index finger as she let out a breath of defeat. "Just let me grab my purse, I'll be with you shortly."

The walk was uncomfortably silent, neither pony even trying to start a conversation. For Rainbow, she was just so worried about Ryan that talking was the last thing on her mind. She just wanted to get there and find a way to revive him from whatever state he's stuck in. Rarity on the other hand was shuffling through her thoughts and memories. It wasn't hard to tell that Ryan cared at least a little bit about her, but she found it difficult to believe that he saw what they had as something more than just friends with benefits.

When they came upon Ryan's home, Rarity made the first move. Stepping over to the door with both grace and determination, she knocked on the door. "Ryan, darling!" She called out, waiting a few brief seconds for an answer. She knocked again, "Are you home, dear?"

Silence was all they were met with, minus the sound of music being played from within. Rarity tried to open the door only to discover that it was locked. This caused a certain level of frustration to rise in her gut. She was supposed to be at home working, not dealing with Ryan's childish behavior. She reached into her purse and pulled out a small key ring, singling out one specific key with the letters R.D.C engraved into it.

"What are you doing?" Rainbow asked with a confused look as she eyed the key ring.

Rarity turned to face Rainbow Dash, giving her a look as if she had asked the most obvious question. "I'm going to use the key to open the door."

"Since when did you have a key to Ryan's house?' She asked with a hint of venom in her words. The venom wasn't so much directed at her pony friend as it was her human friend.

Now it was Rarity's turn to feel confused. "Since shortly after he moved in." She explained, beginning to put the pieces together in her head. "I thought he gave all of us one." Rainbow Dash nodded, confirming that he did NOT give any of their other friends a key to his house. Rarity was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable; There's no way she was the one Ryan was singling out in their group. "He at least told you about the spare hidden in the shudders right?" There was a growl from the pegasus that answered that question for her. "B-Bu...Not even the window he leaves unlocked just in case?"

There was an odd burning in Rarity's eyes as Rainbow stared at her with enough intensity to shatter stone. This was more than enough for her to close her muzzle and continue what they came here to do. Using the key Ryan had given her, Rarity was able to unlock and open the door. It creaked slightly from the movement, this being the first time it had been used in several days.

Upon opening the music being played in the distance grew louder. As Rainbow had mentioned earlier, there were brown bottles littering the floor. Aside from that, nothing else had changed. There seemed to be a distinct lack of a human presence though, which left both ponies in a rather worrisome state.

It wasn't hard to figure out where he was hiding. Where there was music, there would be that small black device Ryan always carried around with him. They followed the sound to the bathroom, where the sound of rushing water could also be heard.

Rarity wasn't going to press on, it was already bad enough that they had entered the human's home without his permission. Rainbow Dash, however, had no problem kicking the door open. A large gust of humid air hit them as the door flew open, a thick layer of steam flowing from the room and into their lungs. They were now close enough to hear the words of the song being played. It was soft and somewhat sad in a way, but holding an odd almost upbeat tone to it.

~I've gotta know tonight,
If you're alone tonight!
Can't stop this feeling...
Can't stop this fire

They slowly walked over to the closed shower curtain, Rainbow leading the way as they made their way through the thick cloud blanketing the bathroom. Once they were close enough, Rainbow Dash reached out and grabbed the curtain, pulling it open quickly to find Ryan sitting in the tub. He was fully clothed and staring absentmindedly at the wall in front of him. His entire body was soaked from head to toe and a number of empty bottles were resting beside his legs.

His eyelids looked heavy and were surrounded by dark rings and bags that showed an extreme lack of sleep to him. Even more unsettling, the exposed skin of his arms and face were blistered red from the intense heat of the water that was hitting him. It didn't faze him at all though, instead he stared off into a non-existent void, his lips moving to the words of the song with no real words to follow.

~Oh, I get hysterical, hysteria!
Oh, can you feel it,
Do you believe it?

Finding the source of the music beside the sink, Rainbow Dash grabbed Ryan's phone, sliding her thumb across the screen. The song came to a stop and she set the phone down. Going back to Ryan, who replied to her actions by going completely still once again, she grabbed his shoulder and gave it a light shake.

His body moved with her, rocking from side to side in small waves. "Ryan..." She received nothing back, prompting her to shake him more aggressively. "Ryan!" Again, being met with little to nothing in response, Rainbow was becoming fed up. Using her free hand she delivered a hard smack to the side of his face. "Snap out of it!!!"

"Rainbow!" Rarity reprimanded, grabbing the cyan pegasus and pulling her away from the human. "What is with you? Do you really believe that hitting him will solve anything?"

"It's worked before!" Rainbow Dash argued, recalling the many times he had ignored her. A quick swat to the head was usually enough to bring him back to reality for a 'friendly' wrestling match.

Rarity grunted, shoving Rainbow off into a corner. "Stand aside, let me handle this." Making her way back to the tub, she lowered herself onto her knees, making it so she was eye level with her alien friend.

Once in place, she turned off the shower and fished a pack of cigarettes from her purse, as well as a lighter. She removed two cigarettes from the pack before replacing the small box in to her purse. She placed the butt of one cigarette into Ryan's mouth, using the lighter to burn the end of it. Ryan responded by breathing in, taking a deep breath of the cancer stick's numbing toxins into his lungs. She placed the butt of the remaining cigarette into her mouth and went to light it, only for Ryan to reach out and swipe the lighter from her hand.

Rainbow Dash watched in awe as the human finally reacted to something going on in front of him. He wouldn't respond to anything she did to him, so why is he cooperating with Rarity? Yes, her plan to finally get him to react to something worked with her friend, but part of her was hoping it wouldn't. She became filled with dread as the thought of Ryan caring more for Rarity than her entered her mind once again.

Ryan held onto the lighter, striking it with his thumb to ignite the small amount of gas that was flowing from it. Once lit, Rarity used the flame to light her cigarette and took a deep inhale from it. With that bit of business out of the way, she took the lighter from the human's hand and placed it back into her purse.

Rarity placed two fingers on her cigarette, removing it from her lips as she exhaled the smoke from her lungs. "Now, I've shared something with you." She began, taking another hit from her cigarette. "It's time for you to share something with me." Ryan responded once again, this time by sucking on his cigarette and letting the smoke flow from his mouth with a deep sigh. "What's on your mind?"

After a brief period of silence, Ryan finally spoke. "She beat me..."

Both mares raised a brow at him, wondering what exactly he meant by that. "Would you mind elaborating, darling?"

"Fluttershy..." He muttered in a whispering voice, his face completely void of any expression.. "Of all of the ponies here...she was the one that beat me...How?"

"Fluttershy beat you?" Rainbow asked with a confused look.

"She feels nothing for me." Ryan began, sounding as if he were in a state of pure shock. "Every mare I've taken the time to talk to wants me physically; Even ones who I've never spoken to." He continued, his eyes still staring at nothing. "They all want me, but she doesn't...I lost...to Fluttershy..."

Rainbow Dash started to grow annoyed as the pieces fell into place. "Wait a minute!" She yelled, "You've been locked up in here, moping around for the last few days, just because Fluttershy doesn't want you to rut her!?" She all but screamed at him. "What the hay, Ryan!? I thought something was seriously wrong with you!"

Rarity shot her pony friend a glance, "Rainbow, this is serious! Do not yell at him."

"How is this anywhere near serious?" She snapped at the unicorn, "All of this because he can't fuck one of our friends? Really!? How stupid can you get!"

Doing her best to keep her cool, and avoid having a fight break out, Rarity decided to put it into words that the tomboy pegasus would understand. "Think of it this way; What if it were you in an entirely different situation?" She began, her first words catching Rainbow's attention fully. "What if you went to join the Wonderbolts, passed all of the test both physical and written, and proved yourself to them in every way? Now what if, despite you being perfect for the position and meeting all of the criteria, they turned you down?"

Rainbow Dash's eyes went wide, the thought of meeting every requirement and being turned down being preposterous to her. "Why would they do that? If I met all of the requirements then why wouldn't they accept me?"

"Because one pony in the reserves doesn't like you, nor do they want you to be a part of the wonderbolts." Rarity finished.

Rainbow's left eye twitched at that last part as her aggravation started shooting through the roof. "That's stupid! I worked my flank off to be in the reserves! They can't throw me out because somepony has a problem with me."

"Yes they can." Rarity cut in, " I'm not saying they will, but it could happen. And, if it did, you would feel terrible. If the one thing you are good at had blown up in your face, you would feel the same pain Ryan is feeling."

"Well..." Rainbow tried to remain strong, but her friend was right. At least, she was right about how she would feel if something like that happened to her. "Okay, I would feel like shit! But I don't see how this has anything to do with Ryan acting like a depressed moron over Fluttershy not wanting to bang him."

"It has everything to do with it." Rarity intercepted once again. "You take pride in being a fast flyer, Ryan takes pride in the art of seduction. All your life you grew up wanting to be the fastest and working hard to do so. Growing up, Ryan was able to make human mares desire him and he did this everywhere he went." She explained, "This is something he takes a lot of pride in. For him; Finding a mare that doesn't fall for his charms would be like you not making it into the wonderbolts, or me making the perfect dress and finding out that a pony like Hoity Toity doesn't like it."

Rainbow Dash fell silent, her eyes absentmindedly scanning the room around her as she started to see things from Ryan's perspective. "This is all he knows, Rainbow." She continued, "To him, seducing mares is his calling in life; In a way, this is his special talent."

Her speech came to an end as the look on the pegasus' face confirmed that her point had been proven. With that bit of drama out of the way, Rarity could go back to focusing on Ryan. Taking another hit of her cigarette, which was nearly burned out now, she turned to face the sopping wet human still sitting lifelessly still. The only indication that he was even alive was the burning of his cigarette as he occasionally breathed in on it.

"Come on now, darling." Rarity urged, grabbing onto Ryan's arm and pulling it as she stood upright. Slowly, he complied and started making his way to his feet. "Rainbow, darling; Would you mind grabbing our friend a change of clothes?" Looking over him, she noted how filthy he looked despite where they found him. More specifically, the rats nest he called hair. "And maybe a hat as well."

Looking defeated and sad, Rainbow nodded; Agreeing to do this for her in a weak tone. "Yeah, no problem."

It wasn't hard for Rarity to pick up the rather out of character tone coming from her friend, but by the time she turned around to face her, she was already gone. Only a minute later Rainbow Dash returned carrying a clean set of clothes; Blue jeans, a black shirt, black socks, and a dirty brown hat.

Rarity levitated the clothing from Rainbow's hands, holding them beside her with her magic. She focused herself entirely on getting Ryan undressed and redressed, but this nagging feeling that something was wrong wouldn't leave her alone. Assuming it was Rainbow's behavior earlier that made her feel this way, she turned once again to face her cyan friend, only to see that she was no longer in the bathroom.

Her eyes looked beyond the open door to the bathroom, but still she saw no sign of her. This didn't help the feeling of dread that resided within her. First Ryan goes completely catatonic and now Rainbow takes off to Celestia-knows where for who-knows why. She let out a distressed sigh at her friend's disappearance, being unable to fight the growing feeling in her stomach. "Can this day get any worse..."

Author's Note

I can't say how long it will be before the next chapter is up. I'm still kinda dealing with some mental fuckery so trying to crank this stuff out is nearly impossible.
As always though; Be sure to slap that LIKE button like a bitch if you enjoy this story. Also, feel free to share it with your friends and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Devil's Dance Floor

As usual, Fluttershy's home was bustling with animal life. Squirrels were climbing up and down every structure, birds hovered in the sky and rested upon trees, Berry the Bear kept himself preoccupied with the bee's and their mystical honey; For Fluttershy, it was just another day in paradise. Unlike most days though, she had company. Unfortunately for her, this company wasn't entirely welcomed, not that she'd ever say it out loud.

Ryan sat with his ass buried in Fluttershy's couch, drunker than an Irishman on Saint Patrick's Day. It wasn't as if she didn't like him, she just didn't like how he acted a lot of the time, especially when he was intoxicated. What was bad at one point would become catastrophic when mixed with enough alcohol to kill a small elephant. Which, in all honesty, isn't that much seeing how their livers can't process alcohol.

But still, he's pretty far gone.

Luckily, Ryan wasn't the one she was stuck with, it was her good friend Rarity; Who just so happened to be complaining about Ryan. This has been going on for several minutes. If she had the heart, Fluttershy would have tuned out Rarity just seconds after the rant began. However, she couldn't summon up the courage to do such a thing. Instead, she listened to her friend bicker and whine about his behavior.

The conversation itself was mostly one-sided, if not completely. She was paying attention the whole time, but her interest in the topic didn't pick up until Rarity brought up one specific topic. "I didn't want to believe it at first, but everything points to him singling me out." She said, sounding almost upset by this small fact, "It's not like it bothers me...Okay, it does. But, more in a 'Why me of all ponies?' kind of way. Do you know what I mean?"

Fluttershy was becoming rather encaptivated by the conversation now, but couldn't say that she sympathized with how Rarity was feeling. "I think so?"

Rarity let out a loud groan before burying her face into her palms. "Celestia, what am I gonna do?"

Feeling sorry for her friend, she felt inclined to offer her a helping hand. "If you would like, I can watch over him for a bit while you recuperate."

Rarity appreciated the offer, but she wouldn't wish that kind of torment on such a close friend. "I wouldn't hear of it, darling. You know me; I just need to rant for a moment then I can start to collect myself. " She explained, not quite including all of the details as to why she came to this particular friend's home with the human.

Speaking of...

Ryan stumbled into the room that Fluttershy and Rarity had taken refuge in. He was dressed in a pair of old blue jeans, a green shirt with the words 'Shamrock Pub' printed across his chest, and a grey herringbone, wool hat. As he stumbled into the room, he couldn't help but notice the look of discontent on both ponies faces as they spotted him.

Both ponies cared for him, as they do their other friends, but seeing him in this state was just disgraceful. Drinking to have fun was one thing for him, but doing it out of defeat was just shameful.

He took the hint that they didn't want him around them, so settled with leaving the two in peace once more. However, unknown to the mares, he took it a step further by leaving the cottage all-together. Once outside he was welcomed by the bright shining sun and the cool air. A small sense of relief washed over him as he stepped out into the world and started walking towards Ponyville.

Obviously, it was a silent trip. Not like he had any company, aside from his own mind, but he was too plastered to hear what was going on up there. Each step he took was as graceless as the last as he struggled to continue moving in one solid direction. Before too long he found himself back in the town he called home.

A bit of nostalgia made itself known as he thought back to small towns like this in his world. Most of the ones near him were filled with the sound of sirens and gunshots, but it was still home to him. That was the life he knew and had grown to tolerate. He could appreciate the amount of peace in this world, as well as the colorful landscape and friendly faces. But, it just wasn't the same. He may not have liked his old world that much, but he couldn't help but miss the small things about it.

All in all, he was practically a reflection of all of the places he had grown up in. His bad attitude from living in the ghetto, his strength and determination from living on a farm, his survival skills from being homeless; Everything he did was a reflection on the lives that he lived prior to this one. Most of them he found upsetting though, so thinking back to them didn't do him any justice. With these depressing thoughts in mind, he could only settle on one thing to help him clear his mind.

Another short walk later, he found himself at the hidden pub Rarity once introduced him to. It was still early, so the small bar was pretty much empty, aside from two or three ponies likely in the same state of mind as him. Only a depressed alcoholic would be in a bar at two in the afternoon.

His eyes scanned the area as his brain replayed the events of the last time he was here. Everything was exactly as he remembered, aside from the bartender. Unlike the last one, this pony seemed much more approachable and kind. Seeing that to be as good a welcome as any other, Ryan walked over to the counter, taking a seat in between two stallions larger than him.

On his left was a pony who could only be described as a brick-shit house. He was pure muscle with a coat as white as snow and a blonde mane with a military style cut to it. Ryan felt like this guy's shirt was going to explode with how much muscle was just slapped onto this one. On his right was another pony, this one not as built, but no less intimidating with his massive size and defined muscles. His fur coat was a light shade of red and his mane was dark grey, almost black.

"Did I miss the memo on roiding out before coming in today?" Ryan asked unintentionally, quickly earning both stallion's attention. "Seriously, y'all make inadequate as fuck."

The brown stallion on his right was the first to speak up. "What even are you?" He asked in a deep, almost threatening tone. "You look like a monkey that just shaved off all of its hair."

Normally Ryan could take this kind of punishment, but with how he was feeling at the moment, it only further reminded him that he didn't belong here. "Can I get a god damn drink already?"

The barkeep nodded, grabbing a beer from behind the counter and placing it in front of the human. Ryan twisted the lid off, taking a generous sip of the beverage.

"Give the guy a break, Tone." Said the stallion on the human's left, "I know he looks weird, but he's a stand-up...uh, thing." He explained, not really knowing what Ryan was either. "A real party animal, fun to be around; When he's not like this, at least." The muscley stallion scanned the human beside him, quickly noticing his melancholy appearance. "What's got you so down?"

Ryan set his drink down, not bothering to look at either of them as he answered. "Just realizing that I'm as useless here as I was back in my own world." He said bluntly, not really offering up much else in his defense.

Toned Biceps' curiosity on the creature was only growing. It claimed to be from a different world, which isn't hard to believe, nor was it something that occurred very frequently. Despite this, he only found himself becoming aggravated by the human's depressing tone. "Quit your whining." He said, taking a drink from a large wooden mug in front of him. It wasn't that he had something against this particular character, but he was sick of those who complained about what they don't have. "You should be happy with what you've got and appreciate it while you still have it. It's not like whatever it is is gonna kill you."

Ryan let out an annoyed sigh, feeling as though an argument was about to break out. "I know, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like shit about the things I can't do." He explained, his tone of voice picking up defensively. "I'm content with what I have, but when the only thing I'm good at is thrown in my face like a pile of shit on the road it tends to make me feel pretty fucking useless."

Toned didn't like Ryan's attitude, but one look from his brother kept him from starting an all-out massacre in the little pub. Rather than ash out, the pony fell silent, focusing only on his drink.

Ryan took another sip of his beer, thinking about what the pony said to him. He told him that he was happy with what he had, but that wasn't entirely true. Part of him loved this place while another missed his home world. Granted, there wasn't much for him to go back to. Hell, going back home would likely result in him living under a bridge again. In comparison, his life here was a thousand time better. He wasn't homeless, he didn't have to worry about being mugged or shot on a daily basis, and he had friends that were willing to back him up and do anything for him so long as he asked. Yet, here he was, sitting at a bar, moping. And why? Because he couldn't bone one of the mare's he had an interest in.

That burly stallion may be a dick, but he was right. Ryan was letting all of the good in his new life be overshadowed by something so insignificant that...Well, he didn't even know what to describe it to, which only made it that much more obvious how little of an impact it really had on his life. So he couldn't fuck Fluttershy, so what!? So this world isn't the one he was born in; Oh fucking well! It beats the fuck outta the other one anyway, so why complain?

As this revelation kicked in, both of Ryan's hands came up and smacked into his face as he tilted his head back and took a sharp inhale. "Oh my fucking God, you're right!" He yelled, making the small number of ponies in the pub jump from the sudden vocalization. "What the hell is wrong with me?"

Toned took advantage of this, using it as leeway to insult the creature once again. "You're a little punk who doesn't know how to handle failure."

Bulk, on the other side of Ryan, was about to speak up. However, the human jumped off of his stool, keeping himself in the white stallions way. "Right again!" He confessed with a much more upbeat tone. "With that in mind; How about you two aid this quivering pussy-" Ryan threw up his hands, pointing both of his thumbs at himself. "in having a good time right here, right now?"

Fluttershy was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt as they continued to find no sign of their human friend. "Why did we ignore him like that?" She asked herself, "We should have known he would get upset and leave." She continued speaking to herself as she searched in the most ridiculous of places that Ryan could be hiding in. "I feel so terrible! What if he never wants to see us again? What if he hates us now and ran away forev-"

The unnaturally frantic mare was silenced as Rarity forced a hand over her mouth. "Fluttershy, darling; Please calm down! I understand your distress, but I don't think the situation is that extreme." She explained, doing her best to calm her normally timid friend. "I'm sure he hasn't gone far. If anything he went home, which would be a blessing for the both of us."

Fluttershy nervously grabbed at Rarity's hand, pulling it from her muzzle. "I still feel bad though. Maybe we could go by his house and see if he's okay?" She all but begged, hoping that their friend wasn't out getting himself into trouble, or severely upset with them.

Rarity sighed, seeing this as the only way to calm her down. "Fine, we can go check on him."

It wasn't too long of a trip to Ryan's place. The normally slow Fluttershy moved at a fairly brisk pace to make sure they made it to Ryan's house as quickly as possible. Once there, rarity grabbed the key to his house from her purse, which earned her an odd look from Fluttershy.

"When did you get a key to Ryan's house?" She asked curiously, being unaware that any of her friends were in possession of one. To her knowledge, Ryan like to be left alone a lot of the time. "Is he giving on to all of us?"

Again, Rarity felt herself becoming flustered by the idea that Ryan was singling her out among all of his other friends. She had assumptions and theories as to why, but would need to have a stern talking with him to be sure. Pushing those thoughts aside, she unlocked the door and they searched the house.

It was empty.

Fluttershy started to panic again. "Oh no! Where could he be?" She asked no pony in particular. "He could be lost, or hurt, or-" As she continued to rattle on about all of the bad things that could happen, Rarity stood off in the background, analyzing the area to find a clue as to where Ryan may have gone.

There were signs that he wasn't even here, her ability to pay attention to detail told her that much, seeing how nothing looked as though it had moved, not even the beer bottles decorating the floor. "Wait a minute..." She muttered to herself, eyeing the empty bottles. Suddenly, it were as if a light bulb had turned on above her head. "I think I know where he is."

Rarity didn't know why she hadn't figured it out before. Ryan clearly wasn't in the right state of mind and so far he's done nothing but drink to help himself cope. His house was devoid of many alcoholic beverages, what with him sucking them all down like a fish with water as of late, so there was only one possible conclusion.

The unicorn led her friend to the discreetly present bar in Ponyville, feeling sure of herself that she would find him there. He'd probably be passed out on the counter, but at least they'd have found him. Upon entering it was nearly an exact repeat of when she came here with Twilight. However, there were a few key differences.

For one; Ryan had all of his clothes on and wasn't on the counter. For two; The number of ponies was dramatically reduced. Other than that, the scenario wasn't too much different. There was music playing and in the center of the room two stallions and one human stood off against each other, each one dancing oddly.

"Well, swing a little more! Little more! O'er the merry-o!"
Ryan was moving his legs every other direction, focusing all of his movements purely in those appendages while his arms remained crossed behind his back. They would swing around each other, bending to some uncomfortable, yet intentional, angles at a speed that matched the song's. His feet tapped against the floor just hard enough to elicit a tap at his toes met with the solid ground with every step.

"Swing a little more Little more! Next to me..."
The stallions on the other side of the room were trying to mimic and keep up with the movement in his legs, failing miserably and occasionally stopping because the awkward movement caused their legs to become sore or cramp up. Their arms were outstretched, in an attempt to keep themselves balanced as they tried to copy his moves.

"Swing a little more! Little more! O'er the merry-o! Swing a little more, on the devil's dance floor! Swing a little more on the devil's dance floor! Swing a little more on the the devil's...dance...floor!"
As the song came to an end, so did the dance. Ryan finally stopped, letting his feet rest and outstretching his arms in a cocky manner as the stallions took a few deep breath to recollect themselves.

Ignoring the other ponies, Rarity and Fluttershy made their way to the human, looking shocked by his sudden change in mood. For the first time in a good while, Ryan was beaming with happiness. He was having fun.

When the mare's were less than a foot from Ryan, he finally took notice of them. "Top of the mornin' to ya, lassies." He said in an odd accent, one that sounded as if he lived among the thestral ponies in the northern mountains. "What brings ya ta my side'a town?"

"Ryan..." Rarity all but muttered in disbelief. "You look so..." She paused, not knowing exactly what to say.

"I am feelin' much better about meself, yes." Ryan said in the same accent, knowing what his friend was intending to say. He grabbed Rarity be the waist and pulled her close to him, to which she responded by letting out an adorable squeak. “And you bein' here is just a bonus." He planted a firm kiss on Rarity's lips.

Though surprised at first, Rarity found herself more than willing to return the gesture. Her confusion of how he felt about her and how he was acting earlier completely vanished as she let herself melt into him. The shy pegasus who accompanied her could only watch, feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

Ryan broke the kiss, his bright blue eyes staring into Rarity's. His stomach started to turn, but in a good way. It was the feeling you would get when you finally learn that someone you cared deeply for cared equally for you. He was happy with what they had and didn't want to risk ruining it. He knew she cared for him, but wondered if it was in the same way. Though he hoped she did, he'd never confess such a thing to her.

At least, he wouldn't in a clearer state of mind. Just as he was about to spill his guts out to her, he felt a familiar presence nearby. Almost out of instinct, he glanced up to the pub's entrance to see Rainbow Dash standing there with tears in her eyes. She didn't say anything; Instead she closed her eyes and stormed away, quickly taking to the skies.

For the first time in a hot minute, Ryan's brain actually started functioning properly.

I have a bad feeling about this for some reason...

Author's Note

Okay! I'm drunk! What do you expect? It's Saint Patrick's Day and my family comes from Ireland. I have a god damn excuse! Let me know if I fucked up anywhere in here, I'm my only editor, so I know I did.

Remember to beat the shit out of that like button and leave comments. I feel special that way :P

Friendly Encounters

Author's Note

If you haven't read my most recent blog, please do so as it will explain a few important things.

Friendly Encounters

Ryan awoke in his bed surrounded by a recognizable warmth and pressed against something with a very familiar scratchy feeling that assaulted his neck and legs. Surprisingly, he woke up before his alarm, which usually only happened when he stayed the night in a house that wasn't his own. He let out a yawn and attempted to push himself up, but the moment his arm tried to move from its spot a soft hand grabbed him by the wrist and pulled it back into place.

"Pinkie..." Ryan groaned tiredly, "Let go of me."

Pinkie let out a groan of her own, hugging Ryan's arm more tightly against her. "Five more minutes." She begged in a sleepy tone as he pulled against her grip in vain. "~Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaase."

"The last time you said that I spent two hours handcuffed to a water heater." He explained, continuing before she could get a word in. "Then there was the time before that when we went on boating trip and ended up going down a waterfall because you wanted to stay out for five more minutes." Pinkie was about to offer up an argument, "THEN there was the time before that, which resulted in me being found in the middle of the road...naked...in Las Pegasus...Spooning a bathtub filled the brim with mayonnaise....Then there was the time-"

"Fine!" Pinkie submitted, releasing Ryan from her vice-like grip. Just as physics would have it, his struggling caused him to tumble backwards and fall off of the bed onto the floor with a loud thud. The pink horse-woman sat up in the bed, letting the blanket fall from her naked body as she stretched her arms out above her head.

Ryan pulled himself from the floor just enough to rest his head on the edge of the bed. Pinkie glanced down at him as she relaxed her arms and let them rest by her side. "What are you doing down there, silly?"

"Gee, I wonder..." He said with a hint of venom.

Pulling himself completely off of the ground, he made his way to the closet, grabbing a clean set of casual cloths to slip on. Once dressed he went to the dresser to grab his wallet and his keys. Beside these was a letter he got the other day. He picked it up, giving it one finaly read before crumpling it into a ball and shoving it in his pocket.

Pinkie watched him with curious eyes, deciding to get out of the bed and get dressed as well. "You planning on going somewhere?" She asked, her eyes sudden lighting up as her unusually high levels of adrenaline finally kicked in. "Can I come with?"

Ryan sighed, he should have known she'd try to tag along. As entertaining as it might be with her at times, he could only handle so much of Pinkie before needing to suppress the urge to hang himself. "I'm going to meet up with-" He suddenly started making a noise that made it sound like he was trying to force a wad of mucus out of his throat.

Watch your words, jackass! You almost gave it away!

This time, Ryan did clear his throat. "Sorry, I had a lump in my throat." He lied, "I'm going to meet up with Autumn. She took off a while ago and wants me to meet up with her at the station." Before Pinkie could repeat her last question, because he knew she would, he answered bluntly. "And no, you can't come with."

Pinkie's face immediately turned into something that could tear the cold, frozen heart, straight out of a Windigo's chest. Luckily for Ryan, his heart was slightly more frozen and sadly very much stuck in his body. "No, Pinkie. Autumn and I have some things to discuss. It's a personal matter." In all honesty, he didn't know what it was about. All the letter said was that she was coming back early that day and wanted to see him.

But, on that note, Ryan made his way to the door. "You know your way around, make yourself at home, all that bullshit." He opened the door, taking in the beautiful world that laid just beyond his humble abode. "I don't know when I'll be back, so feel free to fuck off whenever you please." This was the last thing he said before stepping into the outside world and closing the door behind him.

He passed by many ponies on his way to the train station, but didn't really pay any attention to them. The only thing on his mind right now was meeting up with the prodigal bug bitch that kinda bailed on him with no explanation whatsoever. He was late from what he could tell, but not by too long. By the time he made it there the train was boarding new passengers and just about to depart.

Finding her wasn't a problem. In fact, it was a little too easy; Almost uncomfortably so. He spotted the disguised bug queen standing off to the side of the ticket counter, looking like a depressed potato.

Ryan walked over to her, but before he could see anything, he was cut off by Chrysalis' (Or Autumn's, to put it in other terms) hand covering his mouth. "I'm leaving..."

He blinked a few times, trying to process what just happened. So first he gets a letter from her saying that she's coming back to town. Okay, that's fine and dandy. The letter also said that she wanted to talk to him. Well, shit; what did he do this time? Now he's here to meet up with her and the first thing she says is that she's taking off.

...What the fuck?

"Wait, hold on." He says as he grabs her hand and pulls it from his face. "So you invited me to come here just so you can tell me that you're leaving again?" She nodded, confirming what he asked. "What kind of bullshit is that? I mean; What's even the fucking point? You could have just stayed gone and not said anything. It really wouldn't have made a difference"

Chrysalis sighed, her saddened expression only growing. "I wanted to see you again. And this time, I wanted to say goodbye."

Ryan went silent for a minute, still trying to see how any of this was even relevant. "So that's it? You're just gonna make this half-assed cameo appearance then you're leaving?"

She gave him a hard look. Not one of anger, but almost determined in a way. "Don't worry, you'll see me again." She said in a somewhat prideful, yet defeated tone. "And if things work out, we might just start spending a lot of time together."

"Uhhh..." Obviously Ryan was confused, he had no idea where she was going with this and wasn't sure how to ask. A feeling of dread rose in his gut and he couldn't help but feel like something bad was gonna happen.

The train's horn sounded off, nearly blasting his ear drums to death. Chrysalis gave him a half-smile, leaning in and kissing his cheek. "I have to go now." She said as she turned and went for the train. "Don't worry my little human. One day, we shall be reunited." With those final parting words she was aboard the train and heading off to God knows where.

Is it just me, or does she suddenly have an ominous vibe about her?

It took Ryan all of two seconds to blow it off completely. "You know what, I don't even fucking care anymore." He said to no one in particular. "I need a drink."

Despite his tendencies, it was too early to get shit-faced, in his opinion. He settled with the idea of going to Doughnut Joe's. A few cups of coffee sounded pretty great right about now.

One more short walk later he made it to the small business and took a seat in his usual spot at the counter, not really paying any attention to the surrounding ponies. One pony who did catch his attention though was the one who was supposed to be serving him.

Joe looked nervous and very unsure of himself. He approached Ryan slowly, not offering his usual happy smile. "How can I help you, sir?"

Ryan shot him a crooked look, "Dude, are you alright?" Joe nodded, "Then why are you acting like you just watched someone strangle a puppy?"

"It's nothing." He said, still acting weird. "Would you like the usual?"

"Yeah..." Ryan said, clearly not convinced. But, whatever it was, it was none of his business. So, rather than push the issue, he turned his attention elsewhere. It was still pretty early, so the place wasn't as lively as he was used to. There were ponies here and there, the early birds of society. Just talking away and smiling at each other.

It's ponies like these, those who can wake up at seven in the morning and be happy, that need to have a god damn exorcism.

Ryan nodded to himself, turning back to the counter when he heard the sound of a cup hitting the counter. Just as fate would have it, there it was; A piping hot cup of the black, piss flavored water that, by some miracle, can breathe life back into even the most miserable of creatures.

He wastes no time taking his first sip, only to be reminded of how much he hated the taste. Setting the cup down, he glanced over to the side and found a jar of sugar. His hand reaches out for it, as does another one that lands on top of his just as he is about to grab the glass.

Oh God, no!

Of all of the ponies he could have run into, it had to be her...

Starlight was frozen as her eyes met with human's sitting next to her. Her mind became an absolute war zone, fighting over whether she should leave or actually say something to him. Little needed to be said about her feelings for the creature. Overall, she couldn't see him as anything more than an overgrown child that needed it's mouth chemically bathed. Regardless, she figured that she might as well be polite.

"Hi, Ryan...It's...good to see you." She said, sounding as if she had to literally force out every syllable. Moving her hand from the jar, she allowed him to use it first. "You go ahead, I can wait."

"Uh-huh..." The two became engaged in the most uncomfortable staring contest the world would ever see. When they finally broke eye contact, Ryan all but drowned his coffee in sugar before setting it down beside Starlight.

Starlight then took the jar and repeated the process on her own beverage. Even though they were ignoring each other, the awkward tension in the air was becoming so thick that it was practically strangling both of them. When she was done with the sugar jar, she set it back down on the counter, occasionally glancing over at Ryan in the process.

"So..." Starlight began, "How's everything going with you?" She asked, still sounding as if she had to force the words out of her mouth.

"Fine, I guess..." He answered, "How are things with you?" While Ryan didn't sound like he was forcing himself to speak, it was clear in his voice how uncomfortable he felt. He had nothing against Starlight, but he knew that she didn't like him, so he settled on doing what he could to avoid her a long time ago.

"Great, just fine, really pleasant." She responded with an odd smile. "I graduated from my friendship lessons with Twilight."

Ryan nodded, "Cool...cool..."

Silence ensued, causing Starlight to attempt starting another conversation with him. It would be rude to just start pretending he didn't exist, despite how much she wanted to. "How are things with-"

"You know, we could just...not do this." Ryan said, cutting her off without a care. It was clear that neither of them wanted to talk to the other, so why sit here and play games? "I know that you don't like me, okay." He began, "If I couldn't find that out by now, then that would just make me look completely retarded."

"I am well-aware that you just see me as an all around shitty person. I don't blame you for thinking about me that way, you're right. I use mares for sex, I fuck with people's heads, I drink like it's going out of style, and I'm basically a sociopath. To sum it all up; You hate me, I don't care. So let's just continuing doing what we do and not think about the other. Sound fair?"

Now Starlight had a reason to fall silent. Ryan wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, that much was clear just by his actions in the past. She basically assumed that, to put it bluntly, he was an idiot. To hear him crank all of that out at once and show how perceptive he really was to how those around him felt, and how aware he was of his own faults, blew her mind. And to top it all off, he had the balls to say it like it is and offer her an escape from feeling obligated to speak with him.

A simple 'Wow' was all she could think of to say in that moment. "I'm not really sure what to say about all of that."

"You don't have to say anything." He said, still trying to get this conversation to end as quickly as possible. "You do you, I'll do me. I'm just gonna finish my coffee, then I'm going home."

Ryan took another sip from his cup, this one being much more pleasant than the last. Starlight was still pretty shocked about this whole thing, but settled with the idea of just pretending he wasn't even there. In all honesty, she had to give him props for what he just did for her. She would even go as far to say that he had earned some respect from her.

The two went on ignoring each other. As stated; Ryan finished his coffee and left, but not before tossing a few bits on the counter. She found that weird, considering that all he did was drink one cup of coffee and Joe didn't charge for that. Still, she kept her mouth shut, merely observing the human as he exited the shop.

Most would see returning home to an empty house to be dreadful, to Ryan though, it was absolute perfection. From the looks of it, Pinkie let herself out without bringing down the entire place; Which is a huge improvement. And, now that Chrysalis has basically fucked off to who-knows-where, he no longer had any roommates.

A happy sigh escapes his lips as he struts over to the couch and plops down hard with a smile on his face. Yep, today couldn't be more peaceful. Absolutely nothing could ruin this moment.

You just had to fucking say it, didn't you...

The peace was then disturbed by several loud knocks coming from his front door. His smile dropped as he let out a displeased growl. "Go away!" He yelled in a desperate attempt to cling to what little amount of serenity he had left. The knocking continued, sounding much faster and forceful. "I said, 'Piss off!'"

Ryan could hear voices just on the outside. From the sound he could assume that there was probably three people/ponies at his house, maybe more. He was about to yell again, but didn't get the chance as an orange fist tore through the wooden structure, grabbing the handle from the inside and opening the door.

But, Ryan didn't scream because he's a big boy...

It didn't take him long to calm down after recognizing the ponies that were literally breaking into his house. However, his attention was more focused on the farm-horse that just hadoukened a fucking hole in his door. "AJ, what the fuck!?"

Three fillies quickly scurried into the house, laughing all the while as they did so. Applejack followed them inside with a smile, but stopped shortly after entering. "Y'all be good for him now, ya hear!" Her attention moved to the human. "Thanks for agreein' ta watch over them while ah-"

"You have two seconds to explain yourself." Ryan interrupted, removing himself from the couch and walking over to her with his arms crossed.

Applejack sighed, her smile quickly vanishing. "Look, I said I'd watch over them, but granny took a tumble and I need to watch over her. Ah can't be trying to take care of her AND watchin' them fillies. You know how they can get."

Ryan felt his stomach turn and his brain catch fire as he realized what she was asking of him. "What about Mac, why can't he do it?"

"He's gotta make up for mah half of the chores while I'm watchin' granny."

"Well why do I have to watch them?"

"Come on, sugarcube." She said, acting all cutesy with him. "The fillies love ya, and you're an absolute sweetheart to them."

"I'm an alcoholic, and I hate everyone!" He said in a raised tone, beginning to lose his patience. "I don't know how to watch a kid, let alone three of them. I could barely watch my own siblings! I taught one of them how to stab a couch to death. Do you think these are the qualities of a proper babysitter? And, you have five other friends who are more qualified than I could ever be!"

"And they're all busy!" She snapped at him, stopping to take a breath to calm herself. "I ain't got time to argue. Yer the only one who don't have nothin' to do, ever. So please, do this for me." She begged, staring at him with-

Oh my god...it's the puppy eyes...the only thing that makes me cringe from how stupid it looks...

"Yeah, you're not gonna win me over like that." Ryan said with little to no emotion. His body suddenly tensed up and he had to place a hand to the wall to keep himself from falling over. The pain rocketing through his body was almost unbearable. Applejack held his groin firmly in her hand, locating her targets before all but crushing them in her grip. "Okay-OKAY! You win!" Applejack released him from her grip and his body made quick work of acquainting his ass with the floor. "You fucking bitch..."

Aj smiled, patting him on the head before walking out of the house. "Play nice now. I'll be back to pick them up later."

Ryan sat with his back against the wall, his hands trying desperately to caress the pain out of one of his most prized possessions. After about three minutes or so minutes, he was able to focus on the world around him again. He spotted the fillies; Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle staring at him with curious eyes.

They obviously didn't know what was going on with him, just as he had no idea what to do with them. He's never had to watch over kids before. More often then not, he stayed as far away from them as possible. It's one thing to see a kid for a few minutes at a time, but that pales in comparison to having to take care of one.

He stared at them awkwardly, trying to figure out where to go from here. "So..." He began, not really having a plan on what to follow that up with. "You guys like bleach?"

The Jailhouse Rock

The tension was high, the air was thick, and the pain only growing with each passing moment. Every second became another wave of agony as the throws of madness began to overtake the once conscious mind of a man thrust into a world unknown. What kind of sin could he have committed; who's baby did he kick in a past life to deserve all of this?

As his fingers dug into his skull, not helping the ever growing headache that was beginning to set in, Ryan looked up at the three young fillies staring at him with happy smiles.

Okay, so we've concluded that they don't like bleach. What about toys? Maybe we could give them a plastic bag and this whole situation would sort itself out.

Though the temptation to make such an offer was high, he knew that they were a bit too old to fall for that old trick. Perhaps another opportunity would present itself? Maybe he'd pass by a train he could push them in front of. Better yet, he could jump in front of it himself and end this nightmare he called a life.

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were starting to lose their poker faces. He has been staring at them for what felt like hours and hasn't moved an inch. The look in his eyes was almost too disturbing for them to face.

Out of everypony in this triangle, Apple Bloom was the most confused by this. Ryan came over to the farm countless times and never seemed to have much of a problem with her, or even her friends when they came to visit. But now, it was like she was gazing into the soul of Pony Hitler; Dark, twisted, and kinda scary.

Before long, Ryan finally broke the silence. "Why?"

The girls all stopped smiling, glancing back and forth between one another in confusion. Their sights eventually ended back on the human as Sweetie Belle took the metaphorical stand. "Why what?"

"Of all of the places..." He began, his tone becoming slightly louder. "Of all of the ponies in town...Why the sam-hell did she drop you guys off...to me?"

"Rainbow Dash is at a meeting in Cloudsdale with the Wonderbolts." Scootaloo responded quickly.

"Rarity is falling behind on her orders and needs to catch up." Sweetie Belle added.

"And Fluttershy is helping out at the vet." Apple Bloom finished.

Ryan let out a sigh as he massages his face with his hands. "What about Pinkie Pie?"

"It's Pinkie." The fillies replied in unison, all while wearing the same deadpan expression

Ryan let that thought sit for a moment as he removed his hands from his face. "Good point." He took another moment to himself as he realized that somepony was missing from this equation. A smile spread across his face as he formulated the perfect plan to save him from this torture. "Who wants to visit Twilight?"

Again, the fillies shared a few glances with each other. "I'm not sure if she-" Sweetie Belle began, only to be cutoff as the human rose from his spot on the floor and made for the front door.

"Enough chit-chat!" He boomed pridefully. "Time is candy and we, more specifically me, need to collect the generous offerings." He paused as he opened the door, realizing what he just said. "God dammit, Pinkie..."

Without further verbal exchanges, the fillies followed Ryan to Twilight's castle, stopping as they got to the door. The human knock on the large door with purpose and waited patiently for an answer.

The door opened to show spike standing just on the other side with some kind of list gripped firmly in his claw. He gave the human an odd look. He wasn't quite used to seeing him, being how he hardly visited, and he was slightly uncomfortable around him. Not so much because of what he was, or the obvious size difference between them, but mostly because of the relationship he had with Rarity.

"Can I help you?" The young dragon asked with a raised brow.

"Yeah, is Twilight-OH SWEET JESUS!!!" Ryan was knocked down by a small, but powerful, flying object that sent him plummeting into the ground. The blow was strong enough to blur his vision, but once he had managed to refocus his eyes, an almost unparalleled amount of fear could be seen in them. "What the ungodly hell is this thing!?"

Twilight was quick to run to the door, only to nearly bust her gut with laughter as she found her niece, Flurry Heart, sitting atop of the human's chest.

"Aww, she likes you." She teased as the foal smiled and started squishing random parts of Ryan's face in her small hands.

Ryan couldn't do much more than stare at the abomination born straight from the fiery pits of hell as it fondled what small amount of meat he had on his face. "This is weird." He muttered as she grabbed his lower lip and started pulling it down. "Can someone flease get thish thing off of meh?"

"But it's so cute!" Twilight beamed, all while the sillies Ryan was supposed to be watching died in the background via giggle-fits.

Frustration rising rather quickly, Ryan shook his head until the foal released him from her grasp. "For fuck sake!" He yelled, scaring the extremely young alicorn still perched o his sternum. "I am a human being, not the anatomically-correct doll that molested kids use in a fucking courtroom."

Not only was Flurry Heart removed from Ryan, but his body became surrounded in a lavender glow as his body was pulled up from the ground. No longer than when he had just started standing on his own again, he felt a small amount of pain in his face as a loud smack echoed through his right ear.

Ryan placed a hand to his cheek, his neck angling itself in Twilight's direction as his undivided attention became solely focused on her and the rather unpleasant expression she currently held. "Ow..."

Twilight took a step toward Ryan, levitating both Flurry and Spike into the castle. "Okay, I get that you're from another world and that your customs may be far more different than ours, but I will not tolerate that kind of language around my niece." A cold, unsettling chill ran up the human's spine as the furious alicorn leveled a finger in his direction. "Now you are going to promise me that, so long as Flurry Heart is in my care, you will refrain from any and all obscenities; Understood?"

Ryan blinked twice at her, his eyes wide with shock. He found her sudden, almost out of character, behavior to be slightly unsettling. However, given his nature, he would never be able to make such a promise. But then again, she was supposed to be his salvation. "I will, but only on one condition."

Twilight crossed her arms, giving him a stern look. "For the last time, I'm not sleeping with you. I don't care how curious you are about how I would react to-"

"That's not what I'm implying." He added, causing Twilight to almost take on a look of shock. "But we should get back to that topic later. Seriously, I think I could rock you world what with you having aspects of both unicorn and pegasus." And now she's back to stern. "What I need though is for you to take these three out of my, more than obviously, unfit care."

She glanced back at fillies she's gotten to know so well over the years, feeling a certain amount of pity for them having to be stuck with Ryan of all ponies-er creatures. "While I agree that you shouldn't ever be allowed to watch over kids, I can't." And like that, Ryan's heart shattered like a dinner plate being tossed out of a four story window. "I have to watch over Flurry AND get some stuff together for the foals in the hospital."

"Foals in-? You know what; I don't care." If Twilight couldn't help him, then he’d need to find a new candidate. "What about Starlight? Isn't she around?"

"No." She responded plainly. "She's helping out helping Applejack."

"Motherf-!"

"Watch it!" Twilight hissed, doing her best to keep him from using any more of his colorful language while her niece was around.

Ryan glared at Twilight, moving on to a new statement just to spite her. "Fuck! You!"

Scootaloo held a bag of frozen peas against Ryan's eye as he sat in his couch, muttering about how Twilight was lucky she wasn't a stallion and all of the horrible things he wanted to do to her. His ramblings started off tame enough, but quickly took a much darker turn as they progressed.

"You know," Scootaloo cut in, thankfully stopping Ryan from going on about how he was going to strangle Twilight with rusted barbed wire. "you can go ahead and say whatever you want. It's your house, your rules, and all that noise. But, you did have it coming." His eyes locked onto the filly with a stare that nearly rivaled Fluttershy's, causing her to cower back a few inches. "I'm just saying that; She wouldn't have hit you, had you not said what you said."

Before Ryan could talk back and argue with Scootaloo, Apple Bloom stepped in to the rescue to offer her friend some back-up. "Don't take this the wrong way, but she's right." Now his eyes were on the small farm pony, staring at her with the same glare he was giving her friend. "It's nothing against you!" She quickly added, taking a few cautious steps back. "Look, I see you as family. You're like an estranged older brother, or an uncle. But in all honesty, you shouldn't have acted like that in front of Flurry."

Sweetie Belle stood on the sidelines for a bit before approaching to offer her own input. "It may not seem like a big deal to you, being how Flurry is still a foal and all. And like Twilight said earlier, we can understand if your customs from your world are different. But, you have to draw the line somewhere."

Ryan's glare faded off as he absentmindedly pulled away from Scootaloo with a noticeably bruised circle around his eye. His back sunk deeper into the couch as his focus moved to the ceiling. "Fist Twilight sucker punches me in the face, now I'm getting a lecture about moral values from kids." He went silent, but only for a very short moment. "What the hell is this bullshit!?" He yelled in both anger and confusion, his hands shooting up to cover his face, only for one of them to smack a particularly sensitive spot. "Ow! FUCK!!!"

The fillies had recoiled back a few feet now, having started moving away the second his voice began to raise in volume. After a bit of random grumbling and growling, Ryan managed to simmer down enough to not start strangling the phantom versions of Twilight and Applejack as they played back the frustrating memories they created for him that day.

Finally deciding to get up and do something to further help his sanity remain as intact as it could be, he gets up from the couch and makes his way to the kitchen. Naturally, the young ponies felt obligated to follow him.

Ryan wasted no time in digging through various cabinets and drawers as he searched for one particular item; And, with the luck of the Irish on his side, he managed to find it. He pulled out a small flask from one of the cabinets, uncorking the lid and taking a quick, but pleasing whiff of the liquid within. Just the smell was enough to make him dizzy, more than signifying that this was exactly what he needed right row.

He took a quick sip from the flask, just enough to help him reacquaint himself with the powerful beverage within. His entire body vibrated for a moment, his arms developing goosebumps as well from the sensation it sent through his being. Once the initial shock of the drink had passed, he became confident enough to take a full swig.

His eyes clenched shut as he replaced the lid and slipped the flask into his pocket, his head shaking as a bit of an aftershock from taking in such a large amount of the drink. Once his nerves were settled he turned his attention back to the fillies, taking notice of their somewhat confused expressions.

However, thanks to the spirits safely tucked into his pants, and also his stomach, he was able to smile for the first time today. "Okay, so who's up to cause some mischief?"

Lone Star was a stallion of few words, but many actions. He was a cop and he lived his life one day at a time, catching criminals wherever they may appear. At least, he used to. As he got older, he decided that it was time to slow down. He was still working for the force, but came to Ponyville in hopes that the crime levels were lower and he could slow down. Thankfully, that's exactly how it turned out. As he walked through the marketplace, he couldn't help but smile at the peaceful scenery. Aside from petty thievery, there wasn't a whole lot going on in Ponyville when it came to law-breaking.

This was the life, he thought. He got to keep the job he loved so much, but was able to take it easy. It was like a dream come true. Sadly, dreams can only last so long before you have to wake up.

A certain amount of commotion picked up just a short distance away from him. He could hear ponies screaming and even a few disturbing threats being thrown back and forth.

His smile was replaced with a stern frown as he moved closer to the source of issue. What he found was a group of ponies standing in a circle. On his right, three stallions could be seen tending to one of their friends. He was hurt, but it didn't look like anything too serious. On his let was a creature that resembled a pony, but with much less hair, no tail, and a very short muzzle, if you could even call it that at this point. It was holding an apple in its hand for whatever reason as well.

From the looks of it, the thing on his left was trying to go after the injured stallion, but was being held back by three fillies that had somehow managed to lasso it around the torso.

"I'm gonna pull out your teeth then shove them down your f-" It paused mid-speech to let out a loud belch, but continued with its threat. "fucking throat, you pastel colored asshole!!"

This was all Lone Star needed to break through the crowd and approach the creature. He wasn't sure what it was, or what it was capable of, but he made an oath to protect the innocent no matter the circumstances. And from the looks of it, this thing was on the offensive. "Alright, knock it off!" He boomed, his voice radiating with authority and silencing the surrounding ponies. "What's going on here?"

"That motherfucker was getting lippy with Sweetie Bloom!" Ryan yelled in response. The stench of alcohol filled the air around him as he spoke. Each word that left his mouth was like a shot of whisky being placed under your nose.

"My name is Scootaloo..." The orange pegasus filly behind him spoke in a strained voice as she struggled along side her friends to hold onto the rope that was keeping the human at bay.

Lone Star turned his head to the stallion across the way, his expression demanding that he give him the answers he was looking for. "That brat pelted my with an apple!" He responded in kind to the human's accusation. "I was only trying to tell her that you shouldn't be throwing things at ponies. Then that THING hit me!"

Ryan pulled harder against the rope, managing to the drag the small ponies behind him a few inches forward. "Why don't you come here and say that to my face, bitch!" He said in an equally high volume as earlier. "This time I'm aiming straight for that wet noodle you call a dick!"

Lone Star moved in front of Ryan, placing a hand on his chest to keep him from going any further. "Sir, I'm gonna need you to calm down."

"Calm down!?" Ryan snapped, "What do you mean; Calm down!? That cock-hole over there was trying to fuck with a kid. Are you just going to let him get away with that?"

Lone Star placed his free hand on his baton. This was mostly used to scare whoever he was speaking to into submission, but should he need to use it, he would be ready. "Sir, if you don't stop this behavior, I'm going to have to-"

"Eat shit!" Ryan yelled, smashing the apple he was holding in his hand against the officer's head.

This was the last straw. The cop pulled his baton from it's holster and in one motion brought it to the side of Ryan's head, knocking him unconscious instantly.

When next he awoke, Ryan found himself on a very uncomfortable bed. His head was pounding, feeling almost as though he had been kick in the head by a horse back in his world. He lifted a hand to his aching skull, groaning in pain as he did so. "Oh my hell..." He managed to spit out as he slowly lifted himself from the rickety old mattress he seemed to be laying on. "Where am I?"

This question fell upon deaf ears as he searched around the room he was in. Aside from the bed and an old toilet in the corner, the room was empty. Both the walls, floors, and ceiling were made of concrete. Finally, in front of him stood a thick set of metal bars. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where he is. "Son of a bitch..."

"Good, you're awake." Came a voice in the distance. It's origin was an orange coated, unicorn stallion with a blue mane and wearing a uniform that never failed to make Ryan uncomfortable. He rose from behind a wooden desk and walked over to the cell door. "Let's get this over with." His horn started to glow a bluish color. The magical energy traveled from his horn straight to Ryan's temples, causing the human to shudder as he felt it work its way into his brain. "This is your one and only call. Just think of who it is you want to speak to and a telepathic gateway will be opened."

"Uh...Okay?" Was all he could manage to say. Not only did the magic literally worming around in his brain feel weird, but the fact that he could just up and talk to someone with his mind was slightly unsettling. Nevertheless, he would use this to its fullest advantage.

Sadly enough, there was only one pony in this world that he knew could get his ass out of this situation. Whether or not they would actually help was another issue. With his pony of choice in mind, he did what he thought was necessary to get their attention...if this actually worked, that is.

Titty Twister!!!

A sudden shiver ran down his spine and, despite his current predicament, a small amount of joy rose in his gut. He was met with silence for a short moment, but thankfully received a response.

Ryan, is that you? A mare's voice responded to him.

Thank God, it actually worked! He began, getting ready to spill his guts on the trouble he was in, only for him to be interrupted before he could truly start.

It's been a while, I'm so glad you reached out to me! You haven't responded to any of my letters. I was beginning to think you hated me.

Uh-huh, well listen. I'm- Once again, before he could start, he was cut off.

You really should come to visit some time. It would be nice to see you again. After all, it's been over half a year since we've seen you. My niece would be so happy.

Okay, we can talk about that later. First-

I could invite my sister as well. I know you two aren't on the best of terms, but I'm sure- Okay, now this is just getting annoying and repetitive.

Would you shut the fuck up for ten seconds please!?

Ryan Curtis, we've talked about this!

Yeah, I know! You can kick my ass for it later, but right now I'm in some serious shit.

There was a brief pause before she replied once again, her voice filled with concern. What's wrong? Are you hurt? Is Twilight with you?

I'm in jail...

Oh, for the love of... Another pause, What did you do? She asked, her voice becoming stern.

Long story short; I was stressed, I got drunk, some guy pissed me off, I lashed out, then I may or may not have assaulted a police officer.

She mentally sighed which, with this particular spell, allowed Ryan to hear it. Where are you?

Ponyville...hopefully

What do you mean 'hopefully'?

I was drunk...do I really need to answer that?

I'll be there shortly.

Ryan waved to the cop, signalling that he was done. He let out an audible sigh as the magic was cut off and his brain was no longer being violated by this pony witchcraft they called magic.

The officer shot him a curious look. "So, who'd you call?"

"Wait for it..." He responded, keeping his attention on the door behind the desk which, he assumed, was the entrance.

In no more than a few seconds there was a knock. The officer's ears twitched at the sound and he made his way to the door, opening it. In the blink of an eye he was on his knees, bowing respectfully.

Celestia; The mare that many would call the god of this land, but who Ryan referred to as the mother of this place, stepped into the the area. She looked down at the cop, offering him a small smile as she beckoned to him to rise from his position. He did so, but probably not as gracefully as he intended.

It didn't take long for her gaze to meet with Ryan's. It took even less time for her smile to fall into a frown. The tension in the air grew significantly as the two eyed one another, neither of their gazes faltering for even a second...

Author's Note

Again, there was a pause. I'm sorry, I'm trying to deal with some shit. I also apologize for any errors, I started drinking halfway through this because, at this point, it's all I've got to keep my sanity. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. If you did, slap that LIKE button like a bitch and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Royal Pain

Of all of the ponies you know that hold political power by the balls, you had to choose Tall-Horse...

While riding in the back of a carriage, Ryan was mentally praying that he would go deaf as to no longer hear Celestia's ranting and raving. When she first found him in jail and had him released, on the condition that she would personally handle his punishment, the ranting was non-stop. She droned on for maybe ten whole minutes about how disappointed she was, and how she knew he could do better with his new life, and a whole bunch more that Ryan kinda zoned out on.

Then came the raving; Once her anger with him getting locked up subsided, her mood began to pick up as she came up with multiple ways that she and him could bond. Celestia wanted to get to know Ryan from the beginning, back when they first met, but his distrustful nature kept him at bay, and his attitude kept everyone else from getting too close. Despite living with them for a short while, they hardly saw him at all. He mostly just kept to himself, staying locked up in the room they gave him.

Then one day he managed to get out of the castle and wonder off without anypony being able to find a single trace of him. A few weeks later, he found his way back and made a bargain with the princess. Her choices were quickly narrowed down to either setting him up for life, or Ryan killing himself out of spite.

It's safe to say that Celestia was not on board with the latter and set up a way that it could work out in both of their favors. She would give him a home and take care of him indirectly by keeping his property taxes paid off and even giving him a few bits for food, but he had to go to Ponyville to learn about friendship just like her former student, Twilight. In addition; Ryan was to befriend both Twilight and her group of friends and write to her about what he learned.

As time went on, she decided to stop asking him to send letters to her. You could only laugh at a crudely drawn stallion with a penis that took up the entire page before it stopped being funny. Especially when said drawings revealed themselves to be a flip book when she managed to collect a fair amount.

That aside, she was still eager to see if he's changed at all. For starters, he's dressing nicer than he used to. He also seemed very attentive...and unblinking.

Celestia waved a hand in front of Ryan's face. Her face deadpanned as she received no response. She let out a sigh, palming her forehead as she did so. Why did she even assume, it's not like he's never given her a reason to have high expectations of him, or any at all. Rather than get mad and yell though, she came up with something else. An idea so dark, so twisted, that not even the likes of those corrupted by madness could conjure up such a thought.

The sun goddess raised her hand toward the unsuspecting human, the power she was summoning already causing her fingertips to tingle. Then it happened, she reached out and- "Boop."

Ryan blinked for the first time since entering the carriage before shaking his head. The sensation of having his nose touched made him to feel almost as though he had been violated. He looked over at Celestia, who was wearing a goofy smirk on her face, as he shot a look of confusion.

"You gonna tell me why you did that?" He asked, being genuinely curious. He had grown accustomed to people hitting him for ignoring them, so this was just plain weird.

"No reason." She answered with as innocent a tone as a child.

A child...wait a minute...

Ryan's eyes widened dramatically as the realization hit him like a freight train. "Oh shit! What happened the kids?" He panicked as his hands shot up to grip his scalp. "Applejack is gonna fucking kill me."

Celestia couldn't help but smile at his reaction. It was a nice change of pace to see him so worried about somepony other than himself. "Don't worry, I've taken care of them." She explained calmly, "They are under supervision and they couldn't be safer."

Ryan became noticeably more relaxed as this information was given to him. At least they were safe. AJ might still give him the ass-kicking of a lifetime, but she wouldn't kill him. "Thank Christ..."

The alicorn's head angled to the side ever so slightly. "I've heard of ponies using my name as an expression, but who's this Christ you speak of?"

No...don't you dare! This place has been kind, despite its many downfalls; Don't let it become the same never-ending menstrual cycle that is our world!

His expression suddenly became fearful. "I cannot tell you that."

"Why not?" She asked with an inquisitive look.

"Our world has many unique, diverse, and descriptive beliefs." He began, "It is because of all these many beliefs that people don't get along and even kill each other." His expression only seemed to worsen as he foreshadowed some of the dark events that took place in his world. "If word of other religions were to spread, then the ponies here would lose their shit more than the humans after Trump's election." The alabaster mare could not take her eyes from him. Her curiosity had died quickly, became replaced with dread and confusion. "So, for the sake of the many, let's go ahead and keep religion out of future conversations."

Celestia tried to speak, but was finding it difficult. "O-okay..." The carriage started to shake as it began its descent. Thank everything that is holy, this topic could finally change. "Good, we're here!"

The landing could have been more graceful, but then again, so could Ryan's existence.

Celestia was the first to exit, being greeted by a small line of guards, ready to protect her with their lives. Once Ryan made his way out though, the expressions of the armored ponies grew sour and spiteful. Despite only being here for under a year, he had grown quite the reputation; Especially in Canterlot's most famed castle.

He stayed for a total of six days when he first arrived in Equestria. The fact that he was surrounded by talking horse-people was brushed off by his intoxicated mind then, and continued to be seen as nothing more than a minor inconvenience when he sobered up. He could tolerate it with a grain of salt and a shot of whisky. However, his assholish nature did little to help the ponies tolerate him.

During his short stay in the castle, he managed to break several stained glass windows, countless amounts of furniture, set a minimum of four rooms on fire (As others couldn't be proven to have started by his hand), and played with the heart-strings of both princesses. One would wonder why they would bother to associate themselves with him, what with all the chaos he was causing, but those all happened within the first nine hours of his stay. Luckily for him, they blamed it on his ever-growing risk of alcohol poisoning at the time.

So after getting into an all-out brawl with the guards as they tried to stop him from causing any more damage, Celestia hit him with a quick detox spell to clean his system of anything that could be influencing him. Once he truly realized his situation, his sanity jumped to the only thing it could use to keep him from having a complete meltdown; The two smoking hot horse-women.

He turned into a complete sweetheart to them as he tried to work his way up their metaphorical skirts. Once they found out he was just trying to sleep with them though, things got ugly. Primarily, on Luna's side. Celestia was hurt, but she was strong and could handle it. Luna took it hard though, and not in the fun way.

Arguments between the human and the night princess ensued for hours at a time before Ryan got fed up enough to leave the castle. It wasn't until fifteen days later that he returned, looking as though he had gotten into a fight with a timberwolf. That was when Celestia offered to give him a home in Ponyville, where he could live the small-town life he preferred and have trustful eyes on him. The rest was history.

Now he finds himself back in the middle of what started it all.

The castle itself had barely changed an ounce since he'd been gone. Aside from some new windows with the so-called friends he had back in Ponyville stained onto them, everything was pretty much the same.

As Celestia led the way through the castle, she couldn't help but to glance back at the human and notice the way he was analyzing his surroundings. If she didn't know any better, she'd think that he was looking for something.

She became curious. What could he possibly be looking for? "Trying to find something back there?"

Ryan's eyes continued to scan the area, being somewhat cautious about his movements. "Not something..." He said, a certain level of dread being detected in his voice. "More like, someone." He froze, feeling as though the world itself had stopped as well. The sound of heavy breathing could be heard beside him as each hot breath brushed against his face in a small fury. His face contorted, as if it were saying 'Shit, I am so fucked.' He turned his head, but barely managed to see who was beside him before a blur of dark blue flew into the side of his face, knocking him to the ground with nothing but sheer force. "Ow..."

"Luna!" Celestia yelled in a reprimanding tone as she gave her sister a stern look.

Princess Luna, ruler of the night and anything that has to do with it, stood in place. Her gaze remained glued to her deserving victim as he slowly started to pick himself back up.

To say that a right hook from one of the co-rulers of Equestria fucking hurt would be an understatement. To say that he didn't deserve it though, would be lying to the gods themselves. "No! No...I had it coming." He confessed, eventually finding the strength to get back on his feet. After a quick rub around his eyes, he deduced that there was definitely going to be one nasty bruise there soon. "Fuckin' hell..."

"Tartarus will be the last of your concerns when I'm through with you." Luna all but snapped, fist raised for another strike. Before she cold even begin to swing forward, her arm was jerked back, causing her to nearly fall over.

Celestia held a firm grip on her sister's arm, keeping her from continuing her assault on their guest. "What do you think you're doing!?"

Luna struggled against her older sister's grasp, pulling against her without trying to hurt her. "I am defending our honor, both as mares of good virtue and princesses." She explained with some amount of self-righteousness. "Now unhand me!"

"Luna, we talked about this." Celestia hissed, pulling her sister closer to her. "How do you expect him to coöperate if you are beating him every step of the way?"

I'm sorry; Did she just say 'Cooperate'?

The light bulb in Ryan's head began to flicker; If two plus two is fish, and the probability of solving world hunger is 1/1,000,653, then... "I'm sensing the presence of an alternative motive to me being here."

The sister's stopped what they were doing to glance over at the human. He wasn't supposed to know the true intentions of them bringing him back to Canterlot quite yet, but it would seem they let it slip. "Tia..." Ryan began, "This trip was supposed to be for you to punish me for going to jail. That's what this is, right?"

Celestia wore a guilty look as she contemplated what to say. "Yes, but...It may not be quite what you expected."

Ryan crossed his arms, nodding his head as he did so. "Okay..." His attention moved to Luna, who was still stuck in her sister's hold. "You hate me; Go ahead and fill me in, cause I know you won't be nice about it." His theory was correct. Luna was still pretty pissed about how things went down with all of them, so she wouldn't sugarcoat anything.

Luna finally broke out of Celestia's grip, crossing her arms in the same fashion Ryan had. "During your trip here, Tia and I have been communicating telepathically about your punishment." She began, quickly capturing his undivided attention. "We decided that, a proper punishment, would be to make amends for past mistakes." Ryan's eyes widened as he caught on to what she was saying. This caused Luna to smirk evilly at him. "That's right, my little human. You are not to leave this castle until we believe you are worth forgiving for what you put us through."

*Crack*

There was a deep growling that came from the pit of Ryan's stomach, one loud enough for even the princesses to hear it. He placed a fist to his mouth as he did his best to contain the beast within him. His mind was in an absolute rampage, but what sanity was left knew that, if he were to retaliate, the situation would only get worse. Celestia and Luna visibly cringed as another growl let itself be heard.

Very little was holding back his rage, but it managed to be just enough. However, this was actually starting to become painful both mentally and physically. "Alright..." He said in a strained tone, his eyes looking frantic and crazed; Like meeting someone who had just murdered their family and couldn't stop laughing. "And how the ffffucking hell!...Do you expect me to do that?"

Luna's empowered demeanor returned tenfold as she smiled and placed a hand on Ryan's trembling face. "I guess you better figure that out." She moved her hand a few inches from his face before landing a 'playful' slap on his face and walking away. "I'll be starting night court in a few minutes sister. You and our guest should get some rest."

The lunar princess departed on that note, leaving Ryan to sit in his bubbling pot of anger and Celestia to make sure he wouldn't go after her. "I'm gonna kill her..."

Once the tension and almost blinding rage had subsided, Celestia led Ryan through the many corridors within the castle. He was in the Day Wing, which was pretty much the half of the castle owned and dictated by tall, white, and rainbow over here. Before long they came upon a room that seemed fit for a...princess......

Oh, dear baby Jesus!

Ryan's gaze left the room itself and moved to the now undressing princess. He had never gotten the chance to see her naked, nor would he now. Rather than striping down in the nude, she just removed the bracelets, the rings, and the crown before walking into what he assumed was a walk-in closet.

It took him a moment to pull his mind out of the gutter and focus on to the issue at hand. Ryan walked over to the closet, not daring to look inside. He would prefer to keep his eyes in his sockets, thank you. "You gonna tell me why I'm in your room? I thought we were going to bed. Shouldn't I have my own room?"

Celestia stepped out of the closet, donning a simple crème colored nightgown. "You could have your own room, but I would prefer to keep you here. I fear what Luna may do to you otherwise." At the mention of what her sister could do, the alicorn took a quick look at the human's eye. "She really hit you hard, didn't she?"

"Yeah, no shit; honey." He replied with a deadpan expression on his face. Out of nowhere, Celestia grabbed his head, holding it in place as she inspected the bruise. Ryan tried to pull away from her at first, but he knew his strength was no match for hers.

God damn, OP, fucking horses...

Celestia started leaning her head toward him, making Ryan slightly uncomfortable. "What are you doing?" He asked, receiving no response as she continued to move her face closer to his. "Fuck off!" Much to his surprise, she wasn't moving in on him. Well, she was, but not in that way. Instead, she placed a kiss on his bruised face. There was a strange warmth that enveloped the area and any pain he felt from being hit earlier was gone. When she pulled away his hand almost instinctively went up to touch the once tender spot. "What?"

She smiled down at him, "Magic."

"Uh-huh..." Now he felt just plain stupid for not assuming that in the first place.

"Ryan," Celestia began, "would you mind sharing the bed with me?" Instantly his mind went right back to the gutter, only for little miss princess to kick those thoughts right out of his head. "Not like that..." She went on, as if knowing exactly what he was thinking.

Celestia walked over to the bed, "Remember when you first stayed in here with me?" Ryan nodded, confirming that he did indeed remember. "We spent most of the night just talking and then you held me until morning." She added, recollecting the night with fondness. "I really enjoyed it. It was nice to feel as though someone was there for me, to protect me, rather than it being the other way around. Could you do that again?"

'Uh..." Ryan found this request weird for some reason. It made sense that she would enjoy being the one to receive comfort, given how she was usually the one that was doing the comforting, but still. "I-Yeah, sure."

Ryan pulled off his shirt and tossed aside anything he didn't need as Celestia climbed under the covers. Once he was stripped of everything but his pants, Ryan climbed into the bed, getting comfortable before lazily placing an arm around the literal goddess beside him.

Celestia used her magic to kill off any light in the room before adjusting herself, placing her back against the human's bare chest. If he was going to get roped into cuddling, he might as well enjoy it. And with that he responded by tightening his grip around her and nuzzling his head into the back of her neck.

The princess let out a happy sigh as her body relaxed in his arms. It's been a while since he actually just cuddled with someone. Normally he would fuck them senseless then let them nuzzle him however they pleased, but this was nice. Its a huge step up from the pillow he'd usually wake up hugging when he slept alone.

For a brief moment, he actually felt bad for how he treated them. They welcomed him into their castles, their lives, and their world. And what did he do; He tried to sleep with them, both of them, behind the others back no less. In that short revelation, he started to feel regret, he came to realize just how shitty he's been to them; Celestia, Luna...his friends in Ponyville.

What really upset him though was that he knew, a few minutes from now, he wouldn't care anymore. He would eventually force himself to forget about these thoughts and go back to the way he was. Part of him was content with being a near-heartless bastard. It made his life easy and simple. But then there was that small part that hated him entirely for letting himself turn into this. He wanted to change, he wanted to be different. But, the thought of that itself terrified him. He-

"Ryan?" Celestia spoke, sounding concerned. As if she knew something was troubling him. "Are you alright?"

Ryan pulled himself out of his thoughts and turned his attention to something more important. Shutting her up and getting to bed. "I'm fine, sun butt. Let's just go to sleep, I'm fuckin' exhausted from today."

Celestia knew he was lying, but didn't want to force him into anything. All she could really do was assure him that he could trust her. "Okay; but you know, if you ever need somepony to talk to, I'm h-"

"Shhh...Sleeeeeep..."

Author's Note

Yeah, late. Way late. Just like everything on this page nowadays. Fuck me!
Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed regardless of how stupid and far behind I am. If you did, slap that LIKE button like a bitch. As always, feel free to leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P

Tempers and Tensions

At some point in everyone's life, they experience something that could alter their perception on someone completely. You could meet a cute guy or girl, a real sweetheart, then find out that they torture animals in their basement. You could meet a lovely elderly couple that seem nice enough, but then watch them beat a twelve year old with their canes because he was playing too loud.

Then you could meet a cynical bastard who could be, by definition, the perfect asshole. This person who seems to hate the world could then suddenly surprise you with an oddly loving gesture. They could be mean, rude, hurtful, and verbally abusive. Then out of the blue they might take you to the carnival or take you out to diner.

Or, hypothetically speaking, you could wake up with their face buried in your bosom while they simultaneously squeezed your flank like they were trying to pop a balloon with their fingers.

Remember how that statement said hypothetical? Yeah, that was a lie.

That's pretty much the exact situation Celestia found herself in, except a few more intimate details may have been left out via request by a certain princess who just so happens to know a special pink pony that can shatter reality and threaten your life...

[Help me]

Ryan woke up from a rather unpleasant dream, lazily lifting his head from a pillow in Celestia's large bed. A groan escapes his throat as he pushes himself onto his back so he can stare up at the ceiling. Aside from the large sun painting, there really wasn't anything there worth mentioning, or even worth glancing at.

As much as he wanted to just fall back asleep, he knew that the immortal blue bitch would be waiting for him in dream land. She made it a point to harass him nonstop all of last night, plaguing him with dreams of the most annoying circumstances he could find himself in, ranging from crying baby on a plane all the way to repeatedly stepping on invisible sewing needles in a carpet.

He could only be happy that these ponies didn't know many of the torture methods that humans had come up with. That could have quickly gone from mildly annoying to absolutely terrifying. The last thing he wanted was dreams of being waterboarded or having screws in his thumbs.

Another groan works its way out of him as he pulls himself off of the bed and prepares himself for the day. Throwing on the same outfit he had worn the day before, he was pretty much as ready as he could be.

He walked out into the long, stretched out hallway. It's been a while since he's actually been to the castle, so finding his way around was a bit of a trial. It wasn't until Celestia spotted him walking past the dining room that he was alerted to her presence.

Looking tired and very displeased about life in general, he sloppily made his way into the dining room, taking a seat at the table Celestia was waiting for him at.

It wasn't hard to see that he was distressed and she wanted to ask him about it, but was feeling pretty awkward about the night before. They had shared the bed many times before, and she learned very quickly about the downsides of sleeping beside him, but it hadn't gone as far as it did last night compared to those other times.

Still, she was more than willing to be hospitable.

Once Ryan was settled into his seat, a plate of freshly made pancakes and a hot cup of coffee was levitated in front of him. He barely mumbled a coherent thank you to her before digging into his breakfast.

Just as she remembered him, the coffee was gone in a heartbeat, so she was ready with a refill for him. Once he had his fill he moved on to the delicious stack of pancakes, but kept a decent pace eating them.

With Ryan taken care of, she could focus on herself.

Celestia got to work on her stack, taking somewhat sloppy bites out of it. She didn't have to be refined or regal in front of Ryan, which was refreshing for her. Playing mother for an entire nation is tiring, so having someone like him around that could care less was a nice change of pace.

Ryan held a certain amount of respect for Celestia, which he was reminded of every morning back when he first came into Equestria. This morning was also a friendly reminder. She ruled over an entire country, running it, taking care of her subjects, and managing not to kill anyone no matter how much they pestered her.

On top of that, she would make the time to fix breakfast and make sure that both he and her sister were taken care of first. When he wanted to leave the castle she had even bought him a home and sent him a decent amount of bits every month for, what she claimed was, compensation for his pain and suffering. So he could admire her in some ways for her genuine, caring, and loving nature while also respecting her ability to handle all of the crap that came her way. But, he wasn't just gonna get on his knees and start sucking her dick because she was royalty.

With her crown disregarded as nothing more than a shiny accessory, she was nothing more than a normal mare in his eyes. Granted, he placed bets with himself on how long it would be for her to lose her sanity due to the stress of work, but that was the only impact her title had on his judgment. A simple countdown to her inevitable fate of losing her shit and killing everyone...

There are many who would claim that we have a twisted outlook on life...

"And to those people, I say, fuck 'em." He responded aloud, causing Celestia to shoot him a confused look for a moment before lowering her fork to her plate.

"Ryan," She began, earning the tired human's attention. "have you started talking to yourself again?" She asked in a concerned tone. This was something he did a lot when she first met him. At first she assumed it was the stress of being transported from one world to another, but she was starting to worry that he may have some sort of disorder.

He sighed, knowing that she had this annoying instinct that told her to worry for him. Frankly, he thinks that what he does isn't any of her business. "I've said it before and I'll say it again; It's my mind...If I feel it necessary to talk to him, then I'm gonna fuckin' do it!" He said with a hint of venom at the end. "Get off my fucking back!"

Now it was Celestia's turn to sigh as she did everything in her power not to set his hair on fire or smack him upside the head with a plate. Who knows, maybe it'll knock some sense into him.

You may wanna lower the dial on your last bet. I feel like us being here may have just dramatically shortened the lifespan on her quote, unquote, sanity.

The two were about to go on with their breakfast in silence, but a certain lunar princess decided to barge in and put a bullet hole in that wonderful slice of utopia. The sound of her hooves trudging against the floor as she made her way to the table on the opposite end of her sister was almost enough to make Ryan end it all right there.

With everything that happened between them, just her presence was enough to make the air grow thick. Of the two royal sisters, Luna was the one that took it the hardest. This was probably a blessing in disguise seeing how Celestia seemed to have most of the pull around here. She also seemed to have a certain amount of control over Luna. Had the roles been reversed, he felt as though Luna would allow her sister to liquefy him out of spite.

Ten bits says the first thing out of her mouth is 'Fuck you'

"You're on, asshole!" Ryan yelled, temporarily forgetting that both princesses were pretty much right next to him.

"Shut. Up. Human..." Luna hissed in his direction.

Ryan stared at her in silence for a brief moment, eyeing her with a look of mock-offense. "That's specist as fuck." He said, only adding to her anger. "How the hell does a bigot like you get into a role involving any kind of political power?"

"I said, zip it!"

"I mean; Not only are you specist, but given your track record, it's easy to deduce that you are emotionally unstable." He unwisely continued. "You also seem to have a lot of violent tendencies and outbursts. Even now, I can tell you're angry just looking at you."

"This is your last warning..." Luna growled.

Celestia saw this as the best time to cut in. "Ryan, maybe you should stop."

"Just look at your posture," He added, brushing off both of their warnings as he gestured to her form. "You're tense, you're shaking and you've got a very predatory look on your face. Then to top it all off, pretty much just adding insult to injury, you're kind of a bitch."

For the second time, in under twenty-four hours, Ryan was met with a blur of blue that would collide rather painfully with the side of his head, causing him to topple over out of his seat and onto the floor. "Ow..."

Worth it!

Celestia let out an annoyed groan as she rose from her seat to pick Ryan up from the floor. Once he was up, she placed one of his arms over her shoulder as he seemed to be a little off balance from that last hit.

"Tia, if you wouldn't mind..." Luna growled in a voice just over a whisper.

"Yes, sister." She replied, knowing very well what she was going to ask. With Ryan in tow, Celestia led him out of the dining room and into the hallway.

"I can smell my brain..." Ryan said in a dazed tone.

"I think it would be best if you refrain from speaking for now." Celestia suggested, knowing he probably wouldn't listen.

"I will not be silenced!"

You owe me ten bits

"Fuck you!"

Celestia wore a sour expression as she guided the barely mobile human back to her quarters, once there she slammed the door shut and aggressively threw him onto the bed. "What is wrong with you!?" Ryan, having landed face first onto the bed, flipped himself over and sat up so that he could at least look at the angry mare as she yelled at him. "I mean, I can't even fathom how your mind works sometimes. We told you that you wouldn't be allowed to leave unless you started being nice and made up for what you put us through. One would think that you would at least pretend to be nice. That's what someone with a brain would do!"

Now rubbing the sore half of his face, Ryan was only able to give her a partial grimace. "Would someone with a brain just so eagerly give up who they are just to please someone else?"

"I would think so; If it meant they could go home and go back to living their life as they pleased, they would." She answered spitefully.

"If that's what you think, then you're as stupid as your sister." He could tell that Celestia was about three seconds away from losing her shit on him, her clenched fists and reddening features were a dead giveaway. "I'm not one of your ponies, Tia. I'm not a loyal follower of your government, nor do I care about what goes on in this world."

"Besides, Luna's a fucking psychopath! Didn't she try to take over the world? Why should I show any amount of respect to someone like that? If anything, what I did was karma." Ryan removed his hand from his face, revealing a small welt where Luna had struck him. "I know I'm not the nicest guy around, far from it in fact. But, I have come to terms with both who and what I am. I will not change that. Not for you and not for Crazy-Bitch Magoo out there; I wouldn't even do it for safety of my own family."

Celestia couldn't even be mad at him anymore. From the looks of it, he didn't act this way for the sake of it. In his mind, he truly believed that this was who he was meant to be, that this was his destiny. Despite his words, she could see a certain amount of pain in his eyes, a sadness from having stated that this was who was he meant to be.

Still, she held her stern look as she crossed her arms. "Maybe you should try to change, not for anypony else, but for yourself." Her eyes softened as her stern expression went to caring. "Ryan, it's obvious that you aren't happy. This life you live has done you no good. You may think being a heartless monster makes things easier on you, but it doesn't. It killing you on the inside and I can see it." His eyes seemed to grow colder as she spoke. "What could you possibly have to gain from making it so you have nothing, nopony to care for? What benefits could you possibly reap from acting like you don't care?"

Ryan leaned back and looked up at the ceiling, recalling a quote that he once heard back when he was a complete shut-in, playing video games all the time. "In the words of Johnny Powell; When they took her from him, he not only had nothing left to live for..."

Pause for dramatic effect!

Celestia leaned in, becoming curious about what his next words would be. He smiled as he looked back at her. "He had nothing left to lose." He finished, a small grin on his face as the sun goddess gave him a look of disgust. "When you care about nothing there's nothing holding you back, nothing that people can used against you. You. Are. Invincible."

Celestia nodded, "I don't believe you." She stated, "You're telling me that if you were to lose your friends and family that you wouldn't care?"

"Not in the slightest."

She nodded again, becoming too fed up with him to want to continue. "You're free to wonder the castle as you wish, for now, but you will not be allowed to leave." This earned her a rather unpleasant look from the human. "I would advise you keep your distance from Luna. I can only imagine what she would do to you if I weren't around."

On that note, Celestia departed from her bedroom, leaving Ryan alone with his thoughts. She closed the door behind her, letting out distressed sigh as she stepped into the hallway. What was she going to do with him?

"Your highness..." Celestia turned her head to see one of her solar guards eyeing her, a concerned look plastered across his face. "Is everything alright."

She put on a brave smile as she faced the armored stallion, "Yes, everything is fine. Thank you for asking." She said, easing the guard's worry some. "Would you mind doing me a favor?"

The guard straightened his posture, going back to his stoic, statue-like, appearance. "Anything, your majesty!"

Celestia couldn't help but laugh a bit at him. "I need you to send word to my niece, Princess Cadence. Tell her that I require her assistance as soon as possible. I feel her expertise may be just what I need to help our alien friend."

"I will see to it that she is informed at once!"

Author's Note

Been a good while, huh? As I stated in the last blog I posted, I'm currently working on a project that is running me ragged. It's going fine and dandy...May have had a psychotic episode at work...Yeah, that was...interesting...I'm surprised they're even allowing me to come back after that...
Anyway, given the schedule I'm only able to type a few hundred words every here and there, but I don't get the chance to do it every day. If I did, then I could probably get a chapter out every week or two. Sadly that's not the case though.
Like I said, I'll keep working on these as much as possible, but it will be a fairly slow process.
(Oh my god, Lord Evil! You just keep making excuses every time. I remember when you used to post two or three chapter a day.)
I do too, but life can only do you so many favors before your left out to dry like everyone else. So get the fuck off of my back!
I can't say when the next chapter will be up, but the next one WILL be for Bleeding Hearts. I keep telling myself I'm gonna work on it, but I keep coming back to this one. If I do it again, call me out on it! Don't let me skip over my work!
With that all aside, I hope you enjoyed this fun little chapter. If you did, slap that LIKE button like a bitch and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Pain; Without Love

Freedom to wander the castle...what a crock of shit!

A sigh escapes Ryan as he paces around the garden, the only part of the castle worth seeing. Even then, he wasn't much of an agriculturalist. Not only did that mean that he couldn't identify a single flower, but he didn't care much for them either. The boredom that was filling him was becoming poisonous. Of all of the ponies he could have gotten a hold of, he just had to call Celestia. He could have just as easily summoned Twilight. Then again, she'd probably leave him in there to 'Teach him a lesson', out of spite.

"Fuck!" Cursing to the heavens he falls back against a tree and presses his palms against his face. The situation is far from the worst thing he's had to deal with, but it was no less annoying.

Ryan could handle just about anything; Broken arm, fuck it! Shitty upbringing, who fucking cares? A doctor could give him two weeks left to live and he could still find a way to laugh at it. But what really got to him was the small stuff. For Example; Not being allowed to leave a castle, stubbing a toe, and a pox on anyone who would dare to hand him a Flathead screwdriver.

"Feeling a little distressed over there?" Ryan all but jumped as he pulled his hands from his face to see, the always lovely, princess of fuckery.

Princess Cadence, the princess of love. A title so stupid it was hard for him not to laugh at her when she was first introduced to him. So difficult, in fact, that he almost started crying when he finally doubled over and nearly blew out a lung.

If he were being honest, he would drill her six ways from Sunday if he got the chance. She may be married, but she was drop dead gorgeous, if also a bit on the annoying side.

"How long have you been standing there?' He asked, feeling a little uncomfortable with the idea that she may have been watching him this whole time. Then again, the guards here are probably eyeing him pretty hard when his back is turned. This thought did little to help how he was feeling.

"Not long..." She said in a soothing tone while she gave him a certain look. She was giving him a lover's gaze, something that calms even the edgiest of ponies at their worst. "What seems to be bothering you?"

Ryan leaned back as she stared at him with an unfamiliar look about her. "For starters; That creepy-ass look you're giving me." He began, causing Cadence's insides to twitch as she wondered how he could find such an intimate gaze unsettling in any way.

Going to a more neutral look, she tried again. "Sorry, I was just worried."

"About..."

"About you, silly." She said with a giggle. "Aunt Celestia got a hold of me and said that you were having problems and I thought that, maybe, I could help."

"U-huh..." Ryan wasn't sure how to feel about this, about her.

"It's been a while since I've seen you anyways." She went on to say, "So when my Auntie summoned me, I saw this as the perfect opportunity to catch-up." Obviously this story was a little stretched. She was asked to come here with a purpose, but she couldn't just outright tell him. His first reaction would be to fight her and that would jeopardize her whole plan.

So Sunbutt is the one who brought her here...Yep, I don't trust her!

"Right..." He replied suspiciously with a raised brow, not believing a word that came out of her mouth, aside from Celestia asking her to come down. "And what exactly are you supposed to be helping me with?"

"He already doesn't trust me." Cadence thought to herself, "Isn't that just perfect..." Being better at controlling her emotions, she was able to keep her annoyance hidden from view. "She said that you were stressed and thought that having a friend around could help you."

Oh really...

"If that's the case, why didn't she bring Big Mac?" He asked, fighting her bullshit with sound logic...for once. "Him I can tolerate, and on top of that I don't wanna sleep with him, so my behavior would be a little less bias."

This one caught her off-guard, causing her to nearly choke on her next words. "I-I uh..." She started glancing around nervously, looking for a way to change the subject. Looking up at the sun, she finally found something she could use. "Lunch!" She pretty much yelled. "It's almost time for lunch. We shouldn't keep my Aunts waiting."

Turning on her heel, she spun back toward the castle and made her way in with the human following close behind her. She could feel a sense of accomplishment radiating off of him. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" She mentally yelled to herself. "How did I let him stump me like that?"

Ryan knew he had won this little game, but it wasn't over yet. She would likely continue to pry, but he couldn't figure out why. What is it that Celestia is hoping to accomplish by bringing her niece here? As much as he would like to think this decision was made out of good nature, he couldn't help but feel like that wasn't the case. She brought her here for a reason and he was determined to find out what it is.

Most of their time in the dining room was filled with silence, at least on Ryan's part. Celestia and Luna laughed and joked with their niece, but Ryan kept quite, carefully watching every move they would make.

He noticed that both Celestia and Cadence would glance at him for a moment, then back to each other. He could assume that they were communicating with their magic in these instances, as any words they spoke would come to a stop for that brief moment.

Luna would also look over at him, but with her it was different. It was obvious that Celestia and Cadence were secretly talking about him and were going about whatever bullshit plan they had, their expressions were forced neutral as well. The night princess on the other hand, when she looked at him, looked more like she was trying to make him vanish from existence.

When they were finished with their meals, Celestia departed to wrap up her day court while Luna went her own way to prepare her night court. This left only Cadence and Ryan to do what they pleased, to an extent.

Seeing how pacing up and down the halls would be the only way Ryan could keep himself sane, the two did just that with princess pink trying to psychoanalyze him the whole way. "Are you sure that there's nothing you want to talk about?"

"I'm so positive, it's almost terminal." He answered, using everything in his power not to let loose a whole new level of verbal hell on her.

"Well then, is there anything you would like to do?" She asked, still trying to find any way to get him to communicate with her.

"There's a lot I want to do."

She internally beamed at his answer. Finally, she could get this ball rolling! "Oh, really? Like what?"

"For starters; I need a drink, bad..." He responded, his voice almost making it sound like he was pleading.

She sighed, her plan failing once again. However, an idea came that caused her ears to perk up and her eyes to widen. "You know what, a few drinks doesn't sound so bad."

Ryan came to a dead stop, looking at her in shock. "I'm sorry, what?"

Cadence giggled at his reaction. "I'm saying you're right. A few drinks might be just what we need."

Something....Something doesn't seem right here...

Ryan eyed her suspiciously, wanting to call her out on something. He felt as though she were trying to trick him into something, but his inner Irishman was dying of thirst and crying tears of undrinkable whisky. "Okay..."

Cadence nodded and started walking with purpose toward the Sun-Wing of the castle. "Auntie, I think I may have found a way to break him...You might wanna Ryan-Proof the castle."

In a few short minutes they came upon the room that Celestia had reserved for Cadence. It was almost as luxurious as Celestia's, but didn't have the same sunny flare to it. First walking in, they could see a large bed, a balcony, and a cart with various bottled neatly placed atop of it with two glasses on the side.

It didn't take long for Ryan to leap after the bottles and start searching for whatever seemed the most pleasing. He found the strongest bottle on hand, not bothering to look at the name. Once he saw that it was at least 90 proof, he was content enough to pour a glass and chug it down.

His insides started to feel warm and the stresses of the past few days seemed to dwindle away thanks to that first glass. A smile worked its way onto his face as he filled another, intending to savor this one as he took a seat on the bed and sipped from it. "Damn, that hits the spot."

Cadence found her way to the cart, sneakily levitating a bottle hidden beneath the it. Ryan was too distracted by his drink to notice her grab the floating bottle. "It's good to actually see you smile." She said, looking at the label of the bottle she was holding. 100% All natural apple juice.

Ryan took another sip from his drink, almost laughing at Cadence's comment. "I guess I kinda owe that to you."

She poured her alcohol-free beverage into the remaining glass for herself before setting the bottle aside. "Oh no, you don't owe me anything." She said, feeling pretty good about herself at the moment. "I'm your friend, and if this is what it takes to make you happy, I'm more than happy to oblige."

Twenty Minutes Later

Ryan kills off, what's probably his tenth glass of whatever it is he's been pouring himself before laughing hysterically with Cadence. The stories of her small exploits as a child being more than enough to tickle his funny bone. "Man, at least that was you at your worst. I've done so much worse for less."

"Oh, I'd believe it!" She said with a hearty laugh, not having a single doubt in her mind that he would push it to the extreme. Once Ryan had calmed down a bit, she figured now would be the best time to start probing him. "So what do you plan to do when Tia and Luna let you go?" She asked, still trying to be subtle.

"Oh, man..." He sighed nostalgically, "You know what I'm gonna do?" He asks, looking over at her with one half lidded eye. "I'm gonna tell them to eat shit, then I'm gonna go home." He couldn't help but to laugh at his own comment.

Cadence nodded, taking another drink of her apple juice. "Anypony special there, waiting for you?"

"Pft, Yeah!" He responded loudly, "My pillow! Best damn cuddle buddy I've ever had." Again, he goes into another laughing fit.

"So, you don't have anypony special waiting for you?" She asked, "There's no pony that you might have your eye on?"

He paused and thought for a minute. "I did have my eye on Fluttershy for a bit, but I-I-I....That was more for physical reasons. Th-tho...those tits...sweet Jesus, you could drown in those things."

Cadence knew he was telling the truth, she could feel that his lust for her overpowered any emotional connections he could have felt for that mare. She could also feel that he did have a certain amount of trust for one particular pony. It wasn't enough to call Love, but it was something. "Come on, there has to be at least one pony out there that stands out."

Ryan smiled, looking as though he were struggling to create an answer, "I...did have a bit of a thing with Rarity for a while." He replied, his intoxicated mind making him feel a bit more open. "It wasn't anything special, but I can...I know I can trust her t-to...To look out for me, in a way. If something were to happen to me, I know she'd come looking."

This was great! Well, not great. It's not a lot to work with, but it's a start. Perhaps if she pushes a bit more, she can get more out of him. "I don't know about you, but she sounds special to me."

"I don't know about special." He says with a fairly neutral look as he reaches over and grabs a random bottle from the cart. "I mean- I trust her. Hell, I gave her a key to my house." His eyes widened as he turned to face Cadence almost defensively. "But don't tell anyone that!"

"I think I'm getting somewhere, Auntie." Cadence put on a fake, but convincing, look of surprise. "Wait, so you gave her one, but not the others? Why?"
Ryan threw up an arm in frustration. "I don't fuckin' know! But I don't want the others to find out." He pours himself a drink from the bottle he was holding. "Have them thinkin'...I'm picking favorites or something." Cadences eyes widen and her hearts picks up as she looks at the bottle that Ryan just poured from, but before she can stop him he takes a drink. Instantly his face scrunches up and he spits it onto the floor. "What the fuck is this?" He looks at the bottle. "Apple Juice?"

That was it. It was over. All of the progress that she had made was going to go down the drain and there would be no way of fixing it. He was gonna find her out, he was gonna scream, the he was- "I don't do chasers, alright!" She hears him yell toward the door. "That's for rookies and pussies!" He lunged the bottle at the door, shattering it on the door as he grabbed another bottle, this time reading the label before pouring.

Cadence's heart rate slowed back down as she let out the most relieving mental sigh in her entire life. "Anyway, what were we talking about?"

Cadence looks over at him, thinking that now would be the best time to really go in for the kill. By now, thanks to the alcohol and drawn out conversations, he may just trust her enough for this. "Ryan, can I do something?"

Ryan shoots her an awkward look, leaning back some as well. "What?"

She lowered her eyelids, leaning towards the human as she gave him a look that was both sultry and loving. "C-could I kiss you?"

One of his brows raises at her as she asks this. "Really? Just a kiss..." He started putting a few pieces together in his head and came up with his own conclusion. "Look, if you're planning to have an affair...I'm down." Cadence almost loses her poker face at this. "You didn't have to get me drunk for that. I mean, look at you! You could have came to me sober and said, 'Hey, let's fuck!' and I wouldn't have batted an eye!"

This was a bit uncomfortable, but she was determined to finish what she had started. In order to do that though, she needed him to kiss her, so she might as well just roll with it until it was done. "Well then..." She gets up from her spot and takes a seat on Ryan's lap, facing him. "Why don't we get started." She finishes, lowering her head towards his.

Ryan takes that as it is and leans forward, locking his lips with hers. There was a moment of nothingness, then something weird happened. His head started to tingle, but no longer from the alcohol. He felt as though someone was shoving their hands into his brain and pulling it apart. It was like a small slice of hell, worse than any migraine he's ever had, and he couldn't do anything about it. His body was frozen in place, unable move, to break away from this torture.

"Auntie...something's wrong!" Cadence regretted this decision the second she finally enacted the final stage of her plan. Doing this allowed her access into his mind, giving her the power to dig through his thoughts and emotions. To say that she didn't like it was an understatement. It was as if she had opened the gates of hell and was falling through a never-ending pit of sin. She could almost understand why he acted the way he did as she fed off of every emotion he has ever felt.

Not even a minute had passed and it was already too much.

Cadence broke the kiss, her eyes wide as she stared at Ryan with tears running down her face. She didn't bother looking him over, checking his expression, anything. In an instant she wrapped her arms around his head, pulling his face into her neck as she held him. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."

There were several loud bangs on the door before it was eventually kicked open. Standing on the other side was Celestia and Luna, looking panicked and worried. They looked on to see Cadence in the human's lap with his face tucked away under her hair. His arms were dangling almost lifelessly on the bed.

The sun goddess took it upon herself to approach them. She didn't even get her first two steps in when Cadence came flying off of Ryan, who collapsed onto the bed right afterward, and nearly tackled her aunt.

Celestia was taken back by her niece's behavior. One minute she's straddling an alien, and the next she's hugging her and bawling her eyes out into her neck. She wanted so badly to ask what had happened, but knew that her niece was in a fragile state right now.

She looked back at her sister, who was as bewildered as her at the moment. "Meet me in my quarters. Once Cadence has calmed down we can speak there."

Luna nodded and and left to her sister's room as Celestia was left to deal with the situation. She looked over at Ryan; He was unconscious. The stress of the spell must have knocked him out with his weakened state of mind.

Looking down at Cadence, she couldn't help but feel bad. This was a horrible idea. She couldn't imagine what was going on in Ryan's head at any point in time, but Cadence got to see it all, and this is what it has reduced her to. A sobbing little filly, once again seeking comfort from her Aunt.

It took some time, but Cadence managed to calm down enough to where they could walk to Celestia's bedroom.

Cadence took a seat on Celestia's bed, looking pale and mentally damaged. The royal sisters stood beside each other in front of her before the eldest took a seat beside her niece.

"Cadence..." Celestia began in a voice just above a whisper, barely earning the young alicorn's attention. "It kills me to do this, but...can you please tell us what happened."

Cadence looked up at her aunt, her eyes still brimming with tears as she recollected everything she had just experienced. "It was horrible." She said, looking like she was going to break down again.

"I'm sure it was." Luna commented with a bit of snark in her voice. "I'd hate to be in that buffoon's mind as well."

"You don't understand!" She yelled at Luna, causing both of the literal goddesses to recoil from the sudden outburst. "You don't understand..." She repeated in a whisper.

Cadence turned back to Celestia,grabbing her hand with both of her own and pulling it to her chest. "Auntie, you were right! There is love in his heart, there really is; And it's pure, and it's strong, and it's beautiful." This bit of information earned a small smile from the elder alicorn, but was quickly lost as her niece continued. "But there's no way to get to it. There's so much anger, a-an-and hate!"

Luna rolled her eyes at this. "Of course there's hate. He's said it before himself, numerous times, that he hates everyone and everything."

"Shut up!" Cadence snapped, releasing Celestia from her grip as her hands balled into fists by her side. She turned to the night goddess, her eyes still threatening to unload a waterfall of tears. "You don't know what he's feeling, I do!" The room went silent for a few seconds before Celestia reached out to try and comfort her niece, only for her hand to be slapped away. "Don't touch me!"

Seeing Cadence like this, and having her treat them this way, hurt her dearly. But what's done is done and they couldn't make her go through all of this for nothing. "You say that we don't know what he feels." Cadence looked at her aunt, anger completely taking up her features. "Then tell us what he is feeling."

Cadence closed her eyes, taking a few shaky breaths to calm herself. Her head nodded from side to side as a few more tears rolled down her face. "He doesn't hate us, he doesn't hate us at all." Her now bloodshot eyes opened, staring into the purple orbs of her aunt's. "Auntie...He hates himself. He hates himself so much and h-he's scared. He's so afraid that his love will hurt somepony that he doesn't allow himself to feel it...and he's not just bottling it up."

A few audible sobs break through the young alicorn's throat as she tries to continue. "He's trying to destroy it...His love was given to someone and they hurt him so bad...It wasn't his fault, and he knows that, but he keeps blaming himself. He doesn't want to, but he can't stop." Cadence placed both hands over her mouth as she tries to muffle the occasional cries that escape her.

"She made him feel so horrible...She hurt him and he blames himself..." Cadence removes her hand from her face and slams them into the mattress as both sadness and anger threaten to overwhelm her. "All of that wonderful, wonderful love that he gave her...and now he feels like his love is corrupt, like it's evil." She stares straight into Celestia's eyes as if she is trying to speak directly to her soul. "He's forcing himself to be this way so that no pony will love him...So that he won't hurt them."

Celestia is left completely stunned. Looking over at her sister, she sees that she is in the same state as well. She looks back at Cadence almost pleadingly. "But love always finds a way, right? That's what you believe!"

Cadence nodded again, gripping the bed sheets hard enough that her nails have started to tear through them. "It's trying...It's trying so hard. But the minute it finds a way, as soon as he starts wanting to change, his mind works against it. It forces those feelings down and makes him forget ever having them, making it disappear completely; Leaving him hurting and not knowing why."

"And the part of his mind that knows what's going on doesn't care how much pain it causes him. As long as he is convinced that his love is evil, and will hurt whoever he gives it to, he won't change."

Celestia had been holding back this whole time, hoping that there would be a light at the end of this dark story. But there wasn't, which left her with a hole in her heart. However, before her first tear could fall, she heard something odd beside her.

Angling her head to the side, she found Luna sitting next to her on the bed, almost angrily wiping the tears that were trying to work their way out of her.

"Luna..." She said quietly, offering her sister a caring look.

Celestia wasn't met with a similar gaze. Instead, her sister looked angry. But, after taking in the solemn look from her elder sister, she became reduced to the same thing Cadence had been just a few minutes earlier.

Celestia placed an arm around her sister and pulled her close, meeting no resistance whatsoever as the night princess wrapped her arms around her and began sobbing into her side. Turning back to Cadence, she held out her open arm, offering a comfortable place for her to rest as well.

Cadence didn't waste any time following in Luna's footsteps.

Celestia just sat there, letting her own silent tears fall as her closest relatives rested their heads on her legs and let their emotions pour out onto her. There were no words to be said, no more stories to offer. All that was left was the tragedy that was the poor human's mind left to linger within their own minds as they wept for him, feeling sorry for everything that had happened to cause him such grief and heartache.

Even Celestia, the all-powerful God of the sun, almost as old as time itself, didn't know where to go from here or how to handle this. She cared deeply for Ryan and wanted so badly to help him, but didn't know where to begin. How can you repair that kind of damage? How can you fix something like that? "Why can't I help you?"

Author's Note

Okay, I had to take a bit of a trip into my own psyche to write this chapter and...I'm not all that happy with it. I'm actually kind of depressed now...
So, yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and have a few drink now and hope that I forget all of this...

Another day in paradise

"Wakin up like 'Hello'
Feelin so mellow
Fresh up out the shower
But there's nothin on my schedule-"

Ryan awakes slowly as his phone goes off, prompting him to get his ass out of bed before he decides to spend the rest of his life in it. At this point in time, the idea was more tempting than usual. His head was pounding; more so than when he leaped out of an old friend's window and didn't know how to roll properly, thus resulting in him landing hard on his side with his skull taking most of the impact. Reaching down he groggily grabs his phone from the clip on his side.

"Yeah; Watchin cartoons up in my room...
Watchin cartoons up in my-"

The phone goes silent as he swipes his thumb across the screen, dismissing it for the morning. He replaces his phone back to his side before slowly pushing himself up from the bed. Hangovers weren't exactly common for him, unless his drinking got too excessive and couldn't be helped, but this was ridiculous.

The motion didn't do him any favors, even though he was moving much slower than usual. He places a hand to his head as he tries to put together what all happened the night before. "Brain, status report..."

I remember a whole lot of pink, but that's about it. Just...just give me a minute...

You know it's bad when even your brain starts talking like it has a hangover.

Wasting no further time, Ryan pulls himself out of bed and stretches his limbs. It wasn't until he allowed himself to relax from that, that he realized something very peculiar. He had no idea where he was. He knew he was still in the castle, that much was obvious. But, he couldn't identify the room. It wasn't his...neither was the other one, but still.

"Anything yet?" He asked curiously.

I said give me a fuckin' minute, alright!

"Prick..." Ryan says with a deadpan expression.

Seeing no point in sticking around, he leaves the room and begins another pain in the neck walk through this over sized play-set. He walked past a few guards, knowing he could ask them for directions, but not bringing himself to do so. He found them creepy, the way they were trained to hold completely still. You couldn't even tell that they were breathing unless you payed very, VERY close attention to them.

After a few minutes of pacing he found himself met with a familiar sight, the entrance to the dining room. He gave the air a quick whiff and could just barely catch a sent coming from within.

His entrance wasn't graceful, nor grand, as he sloppily made his way to the table and takes a seat. It isn't until he is seated that he starts looking around the room. Luna was sitting at the end of the table, Cadence sat on the side just opposite of him, and Celestia was working the stove not too far from them.

One thing Ryan quickly took note of was the looks being sent his way from the two princesses sitting at the table with him. Both were giving him an odd smile, like they were happy to see him; Yet, at the same time, they looked sad.

Ryan's attention went primarily to the mare that he least expected this from. Luna was staring directly at him, looking as though she had seen the ending to a sad movie, but was smiling because it was so good.

"Good morning, Ryan." Luna said with a tone he couldn't quite recognize. "Did you sleep well?"

Ryan had to blink a few times and even rub his eyes to make sure that he was positive it was Luna who was speaking to him. "I...guess?" Feeling a bit awkward with her, his attention turned to Cadence, who was still giving him the same look as well.

Pink...Pink...PINK!!!

"I was with you last night, wasn't I?" He asked, still being a bit fuzzy on the details.

Cadence felt her stomach rise up to her throat as he asked this. "Y-yes, we were together for a while."

Ryan nodded, "You mind filling me in on what happened. I'm kinda falling short on...everything, I guess."

"We spent most of the night talking and telling jokes." She said, mostly to stall him while she came up with a story to keep him from asking too many questions. She couldn't help but feel like telling him the truth would be bad. One specific thought crossed her mind, making this easy. "We had a few drinks, told stories; then you started hitting on me, so I cast a spell to put you to sleep."

I wanna say she's lying...but that does sound like something we would do...

There was a pause as he thought it over, but he couldn't find any reason not to believe her. "You know what, I don't fuckin' doubt it; Good call."

Before further words could be exchanged, Celestia arrived to the table, levitating several filled plates and cups of coffee in front of everyone. She took a seat and looked over at the human. "Good morning, sunshine." She said with a smirk, "How was your night?"

"Apparently I tried to fuck your niece." Ryan said with a shrug, looking over at Cadence with a small grin. "Which...you really can't blame me for trying." He had to use everything in his power not to laugh as Cadence turned a comical shade of red.

"Before we dig in," Luna began, earning the attention of the entire table. "I believe there is a matter we should discuss." She seemed to thinking hard about what she was saying, and what she wanted to say. She angled her head toward the human. "Ryan, in light of some newfound information, my sister and I have decided that your punishment shall be disbanded."

Upon hearing this, Ryan started choking on the coffee he went to drink from as she started speaking. He assumed she was going to bitch at him, or make the trial of staying here more difficult somehow, so he needed it to keep himself from strangling her. This, however, caught him completely off guard. Once his coughing fit had settled down, he was ready to start questioning her on this decision.

Don't! Look! A gift horse...in the mouth! If you ask why, she might change her mind!

Ryan took a few stabling breaths, deciding to preserve his sanity rather than sate his curiosity. "Okay?"

On that note, everyone except him started digging into their breakfast. He just couldn't. He wanted so badly to know what made them change their minds, but at the same time, he didn't want to push his luck.

Okay, we've missed a step, that's obvious. Let's just go home and pretend like this whole thing never happened and you'll feel better.

He took a breath, figuring that it would be easier to do things that way than to try and figure it all out. Once everyone had finished their breakfast, a carriage was summoned to deliver the human back to Ponyville. They said their goodbyes, shared a few awkward hugs, then he was off.

Celestia stared at the carriage as it flew into the distance, letting out a distressed sigh as she look back at her niece, with her sister sharing her look by her side. "Are you sure there's nothing we could have done?"

Cadence nodded, "I'm sorry, auntie. But, damage like that cannot simply be repaired. He must find a way on his own in order to truly love again. Then, just maybe, he will be able to save himself."

This did little to lift Celestia's mood. If anything, it made her feel worse, knowing that she couldn't help him. "I hope he can..."

The ride back home was easy. With him no longer having any company, he spent the entire trip napping on the seat. He woke up once they started their descent into town, the turbulence from the dwindling altitude being more than enough to shake him out of his sleep.

The landing was simple enough. Once they were at a complete stop, he opened the door and looked out to find himself in front of Twilight's castle. Not too surprisingly, all six of his, quote unquote, friends were there waiting for him. Starlight was there as well, but staying true to their previous agreement, he ignored her.

He stretched his limbs again as he hopped out of the carriage, the pony-powered vehicle taking off shortly after. There wasn't a second to spare as he was about to turn tail and walk home, that Applejack came up and punched him square in the mouth. Ryan placed a hand to his now bleeding lip as he stabilized himself, the force of her strike nearly knocking him over.

"Applejack!" Rarity yelled as she came to the rescue, standing by her earth pony friend with a reprimanding look on her face. "I know what he did was uncalled for, but so is-"

"No!" Ryan yelled, silencing his savior. "No, I had it coming." He got his bearings back, pulling his hand from his face to see a decent amount of blood coating it. His upper lip was swollen and had a deep cut from where she had hit him. He shook his head, closed his eyes, and took a breath; preparing himself for the next part. "You got one more...Make it count!" No sooner than he had finished that statement, Applejack's fist connected with his stomach. This hit didn't knock him over, but it did bring him to his knees as the air was knocked clean out of his lungs, his arms instinctively wrapping themselves around his gut. "Fffuck..."

The next couple of days consisted of Ryan sitting at home doing pretty much nothing. After putting up a new door, and making sure nothing was stolen from his house, his schedule was empty. There was no work to be done, no parties to attend, no mares to mount, and plenty of drinks in the fridge. He sat with his ass almost fused to his couch with a bottle of hard cider in one hand and the other resting comfortably on stomach.

"This is the life." He muttered to himself, a dopey smile etched onto his face as he placed the lip of the bottle to his mouth and finished it off. "I needed this."

Screw that; we deserved this!

Ryan set the empty bottle aside and leaned his head back, letting it sink into the soft, welcoming cushions. He's able to relax for about two minutes when several knocks started coming from his front door.

Fuck!

Ryan let out a less-than-satisfied groan as he got up from his seat and walked over to the door. He leaned with his back against the wooden obstacle that kept him safe from the outside world. "We don't give money, we don't do charities, and we don't buy raffle tickets. Unless you're giving away free beer, fuck off!"

"~Oh, Ryan!" Pinkie sang from the other side, earning another groan from the human.

"What do you want, Pinkie?" He asked with little to no enthusiasm.

"Me and the girls were gonna have a slumber party!" She began, speaking almost too fast for him to keep up with. "But then some stuff came up and now there's almost nopony left! So, I thought we could invite you to join us and maybe, just maybe, we could have it here."

There was a brief pause as Ryan thought about how to respond. "Pinkie, how many times have I told you that you were on crack?"

"One hundred and seventy-two times exactly!"

"Well make it one hundred and seventy-three, cause you're so hopped up on crack that you've clearly forgotten who you're speaking to."

"Please, Ryan..." She begged, "It's only for one night and we haven't seen you in four days."

"Go. Away. Crack horse."

Ryan was about to walk away, but a familiar sound picked up, causing him to freeze in place. There was a pattern of loud sniffing as well as a soft, high pitched whining coming from outside.

Please...for the love of god...please, tell me she isn't crying.

Lo and behold, the sound of Pinkie quietly sobbing behind the door broke through his ear drums like a brick through a glass window. Suddenly his mind became a scattered mess of chaos and destruction as he tried to ignore her cries. However, he was only human; he could only handle so much.

The front door opened with Ryan standing inside, nodding his head in disgust at himself. "Just fuckin' come in already..."

"Yay!" Pinkie exclaimed, her mood suddenly picking back up as she bounded through the door and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Ryan!"

"I hate you so much..."

Die!

Pinkie, along with Rarity and, surprisingly enough, Starlight came in. They were all carrying some sort of bag that matched the color of their fur.

Ryan's eyes locked onto the unicorn that once studied beneath Twilight, shooting her a questioning gaze. She looked back at him, motioning to Pinkie with her head, which was all he needed to know that she wasn't here entirely of her own free will. He closed the door and followed them into the center of his living room.

The pony's set their bags on the floor, Pinkie being quick to start going through hers and pulling out various baking supplies. "I'll get started on making the snacks. Rarity, you can set up the room; Starlight, you're on game duty."

With everypony given their instructions, they got to work. Rarity was moving furniture around and laying down layers of blankets on the floor.

Seeing how she didn't really ask if she could start moving shit, let's go ahead and NOT tell her that the couch doubles as a bed

The room was soon rearranged and ready for the night. Starlight reached into her bag and pulled out a number of games, some of which Ryan couldn't identify. Most of them looked like simple board games, but it hardly mattered. He wasn't planning on partaking in any of them.

Ryan moved to the kitchen, having realized how awkward it must be for him to just be standing in the living room and watching them set everything up. Watching Pinkie though was a different story entirely. Not keeping an eye on her could be detrimental to his health and home. She was a very skilled baker, that much was known, but you never know when she'll do something so stupid that the oven could potentially explode.

Everything seemed to be in order as Pinkie worked with both speed and precision, quickly whipping up the batter for whatever she was making. Feeling somewhat confident that his house wouldn't go up in flames, Ryan left the kitchen and made his way to his room so he could ignore them for the rest of the night.

Not very surprisingly, Ryan felt something grab his arm and begin dragging him away from his room. His legs went limp and dragged against the floor as he was pulled. He knew something like this would happen sooner or later, so wasn't fazed at all when it happened.

Pinkie had a firm grip on Ryan's arm, intent on making him join in on all of the fun she had planned for the night.

The night progressed with Ryan staying as far away from them as possible, but still being forced to at least stay in the room with the ponies. They played games, maxed out on some tasty pastries and told scary stories; The latter of which Ryan decided to join in on. He told twisted stories that he knew from his world, mostly recounting a number of some of his favorite creepypastas back in the day. Pinkie really got into the Origins of Laughing Jack, at least until he got to the part where the cat dies and then Issac tried to rape, then murdered an innocent woman. After that, her enjoyment of the story quickly turned tail and got the fuck outta Dodge.

Once the shock, and the signs of shattering sanity wore off, they moved on to the next activity; Truth or Dare. It started off innocent enough, but after a few lines were crossed, it became the biggest dick-fighting competition with everyone aiming to embarrass each other as much as possible.

They all sat in a circle, placing one of the empty bottles that was just lying around in the center of their circle to be used as a tool for the game. Starlight spun the bottle and after a few seconds it stopped with its neck pointing at Rarity.

"Alright, Rarity." Starlight began with an eager smile. "Truth or dare?"

Rarity placed a hand to her chin as she weighed her options. "How about...Truth."

Starlight was a little upset that her friend hadn't chosen to take a dare, but she had a back-up plan that was almost as devious. "What is your biggest guilty pleasure?"

As much as she wanted to argue against answering this, she knew she couldn't. Rules were rules and she didn't want Pinkie to come up with an alternative for her. She's a great friend and all, but she could be mischievous and downright evil when she needed to.

Rarity's entire face turned beat red as she twiddled her thumbs and started engaging in a few nervous ticks. "I like...to...watch stallions...cross dress."

Instantly, Pinkie and Ryan lost it, rolling on the floor with laughter. Starlight at least had the decency to hold back, only letting out a few snorts as she placed a hand over her mouth to keep herself quiet.

"Alright, that's enough!" Rarity snapped, getting frustrated with their laughter. "It's my turn." She grabbed the bottle and spun it as Ryan and Pinkie pulled themselves together. The bottle came to a stop, pointing at Pinkie. "Truth or Dare, Pinkie?"

"Truth!" She said without missing a beat.

Rarity grinned evilly as she came up with a question that should catch the bubbly pink mare off-guard. "What's your favorite sex position?"

Without even flinching, Pinkie took a long drink from a red cup filled with punch. Once she had finished it off, she let out a satisfied sigh, smiling the whole time. "All of them."

Not wasting any time, she spun the bottle while the whole room stared at her. The first one to break the cycle was Ryan, who looked over at Rarity and Starlight with an unamused expression. "She aint lying."

The bottle stopped, landing on Starlight. "Truth or dare?"

Starlight wanted to be the one to break this circle of truth. She may regret it later, but she didn't want to look like a coward either.

"Dare." She said with a cocky smirk.

"Someone's getting a little ballsy." Ryan commented, earning him a certain look from the unicorn.

"Oh, please." Starlight said, rolling her eyes at him. "This is child's play."

"Really now?" Pinkie cut in, wearing an almost disturbing grin that made Starlight quickly regret ever being born. "I dare you to get naked and stay that way all night."

Starlight's pupils turned to pinpricks as she stared at Pinkie's ever growing smile. "I-I can't! I..." She looked for any excuse to skip over this dare. "Ryan! Ryan's here. I can't get naked in front of him."

Ryan shrugged in response. "Not like I haven't seen it before."

It took her a minute to process this. "Wait, what!?"

"Don't think about it." He simply replied. Starlight tried to respond, but found herself stumbling over her words.

"Trust me, darling." Rarity chimed in, "There are certain things you just don't want to know about him."

Starlight turned back to Ryan, who was nodding in approval. After a moment of mentally preparing herself, she slowly started stripping down. Once every article of clothing had been removed, she covered herself with one of the blankets so she could at least keep some of her dignity. Reaching out from the blanket she was wrapped up in, Starlight grabbed the bottle and spun it.

"You need to not wear clothes more often." Ryan commented, making Starlight blush from embarrassment. "It suits you real well."

The bottle came to a stop, this time pointing at the grinning human who seemed more than happy to tease Starlight about her current situation. "Truth or dare, Ryan?"

"Dare."

Starlight paused, wondering what she could make him do to embarrass himself. His teasing may not have been that harsh, but it was no less annoying. She was already uncomfortable enough having to be naked in front of him and his comments didn't help.

Given his personality, there wasn't a lot he wouldn't do, but their had to be something. "Aha!" She exclaimed, finally coming up with the perfect dare. "Since you like nudity so much, I dare you to get naked and run around outside screaming..." She paused once again, trying to think of a way to add insult to injury. "Pink...fluffy unicorns, dancing on rainbows." She didn't know what had made her decide on those specific words, but it wasn't something she'd want to be caught dead doing.

Ryan gave her a deadpan look as she gave him his dare. A few seconds pass before he climbs to his feet, removes his belt, and drops his pants right in front of them. This position gave Starlight a clear view of what god had graced him with upon his birth. Walking out of his pants, he makes his way to the door, removing his shirt along the way before opening the door and walking outside with literally nothing on.

He takes in the night sky and open area, then breaks into a full sprint, leaving the three mares alone in his home.

Starlight stared with wide eyes at the open door, shocked by his seemingly limitless amount of bravery. Is there anything he won't do? "I wasn't actually expecting him to follow through."

"It's Ryan." Rarity responded, "What did you expect?"

"Anything but that..."

He hasn't followed through quite yet." Pinkie commented, "He still hasn't-"

"PINK, FLUFFY FUCKING UNICORNS, DANCING ON MOTHERFUCKING RAINBOWS!!!"

Pinkie shrugged with a smile, her earlier statement now becoming null and void. "Never mind!"

The naked human returned shortly after yelling his line into the heavens, closing the door behind him and taking a seat in his previous spot. He was panting, but still looked ready to take on the world. "Shall we continue?"

"Yeah..." Starlight replied, still somewhat in shock at his performance...and continuing nudity. "You know you can put your clothes back on, right?"

"Nope!" He exclaimed, "You asked for this, now you're gonna have to deal with it for the rest of the night."

"Yay! Naked slumber party!"Pinkie shouted, tossing some confetti into the air before stripping down as well.

Ryan glanced over at Rarity, noticing her lack of nudity. "You gonna join us, sweetheart?"

"I think I will pass." She said with a hint of disgust in her voice.

"Suit yourself." He finishes, soon feeling Pinkie press up against his back and hug him from behind. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Naked snuggles." She said with a wink, burying her face into the back of his neck.

Ryan shuddered, not used to being grabbed from behind, especially when it came to cuddling. "Can you get the fuck off of me!"

Pinkie pouted before returning to her spot, her smile quickly returning as Ryan reached for the bottle.

"That was a bit rude, don't you think?" Starlight commented, causing the human to stop in his track. "I mean, you didn't have to be so mean about telling her to get off of you,"

"What's your problem all of a sudden?" He asked, not out of anger or spite; mostly annoyance.

Starlight let out a sigh before speaking. "To be honest, I just don't really like your attitude."

Ryan nodded, knowing very well that his attitude was far from refined. "Well, I don't like your stupid."

Eat shit and die!

On that note, Ryan went back to what he was doing. In short; grabbing the empty bottle on the floor and giving it a hard twist, causing it to spin in front of them.

Author's Note

I gotta say; I really love this auto-read thing. It's making the job of editing this so much more tolerable. It's also nice for pointing out words that are misused or misspelled that my Grammar Check can't seem to identify. Easier to know it's wrong when you're hearing it read back to you out loud.
Anyway, I'm still fairly busy, so son't expect frequent updates, but I'll keep trying to get done what I can.
That all aside; If you're enjoy this story then slap that LIKE button like a bitch and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P
ALSO; I almost forgot this. The alarm at the beginning is from this-

A Family Issue

"Oh, well I'm the type of guy who will never settle down.
Where pretty girls are, well you know that I'm around."

Ryan groaned a bit, pulling himself into a sitting position on his bed. A soft belch escapes him as the contents of his stomach become stirred from the sudden motion. His eyes barely open as he takes in his surroundings; He doesn't remember how he got to his room, but he could assume why there was a naked pink mare sleeping beside him.

"I kiss 'em and I love 'em, cause to me there all the same.
I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em, they don't even know my name.
They call me the wan-"

His phone goes silent on its resting place beside the bed as Ryan absentmindedly swipes his finger across the screen, silencing his morning alarm. Thank god he found out how to change the time to Equestrian standards, otherwise he'd probably never get out of bed.

Ryan tosses his covers aside, onto the pink earth pony still snoring softly on the other side of his bed. He climbs up and makes his way to his closet to get dressed. He throws on a rather casual set of clothes, a simple pair of pants and a T-shirt. There wasn't anything that he needed to get done today, but if he didn't start moving now he never would.

He has to tiptoe his way out of his room and to the front door as to not disturb the two sleeping unicorns settled in on his floor.

No point in sticking around here if everypony is still sleeping...Coffee?

Coffee doesn't sound too bad. His phone always goes off at six o'clock, which means that Doughnut Joe's has been open for at least an hour and a half. After sneakily making his way outside he walked down to his favorite shop and took a seat at the counter. His eyelids were still pretty heavy and surrounded by dark rings.

Joe takes notice of the tired looking human and wastes no time placing an empty mug in front of him, pouring a fair amount of the dark beverage he was likely seeking into the cup. "Long night?"

"You could say that." Ryan simply replies, grabbing the mug by its handle and taking a long, deep drink from it. He places the nearly empty cup in front of him and lets out a satisfied sigh as Joe starts to refill it. "A few friends decided to pop up unannounced and have a sleepover at my place."

Joe nods, placing the coffee tin aside once the human's cup is filled. "I can see how that would warrant some irritation."

"Yeah," Ryan grabs the cup again, this time only sipping from it before setting it back down. "Worst of all, they made me join. Kept me up most of the night playing games and whatnot."

"Did you at least, uh-" Joe pauses, looking around to make sure nopony was listening in. "get anything out of it?" He asks with a suggestive smirk.

"You're a sick bastard, you know that?" The two shared a small amount of laughter before Ryan continued, "I woke up with Pinkie's fine ass pressed up against me, so I must have done something right."

Joe just stares at Ryan, an envious smile spread across his face. "How do you do it?" He asks, "I mean, no offense, you're not a bad looking guy or anything, but you're not exactly..."

"A pony." He finishes for him.

Joe shrugs, "Well...yeah. "

Ryan takes a deep breath and leans back in his chair some. "I don't know; I guess it's just my superpower." He grabs his cup and takes another sip. "You see Big Mac around lately?"

"Yes, actually. He came in yesterday and was asking if I had seen you?"

Ryan nodded, "Yeah, he's probably looking to kick my ass."

Joe shoots him a questioning gaze. "Why would he want to do that?"

"Cause of that scene I caused a while back with his sister and her friends."

Suddenly, it's as if a light bulb appeared above Joe's head. "You mean that fight that broke out in town?" Ryan nodded in response. "I thought that was you! I didn't see it go down, but I could hear you yelling from here."

"Yep!" Ryan said, recalling the day with a small amount of fondness. "That was the day; I punched a stallion, got into a screaming match, then assaulted a police officer with an apple."

Joe nodded again, this time disapprovingly. "You're something else, Ryan."

"You should see my father." Ryan said, rising from his seat and grabbing a few bits from his pocket before dumping them on the counter. "Might as well get this shit-show on the road." He said, figuring he should go over and try to clear the air with all of them. "If I ain't back by morning, call the sheriff. Tell him to look for freshly planted apple trees in the orchard."

It took Joe a second to catch on to his meaning, but once he did, he wore a rather disturbed look. He was actually a bit concerned for the human's safety now.

Ryan exited the shop and started toward Sweet Apple Acres. It took him longer than he'd like to admit to get there, seeing how he could never completely memorize the exact route he needed to take. He'd have gone to Twilight's and asked her for help, but she likely wouldn't be too pleased to see him either; What with how he acted when her niece was there.

Eventually, he found his way there and knocked on the door. Less than a minute passes before the elderly green mare with a silver mane, known to him as Granny, opens the door. She was dressed in an old floral dress and wore an apron over her front. She was also holding a rolling pin in her right hand, which she used to thump Ryan on the top of his head.

"Ow, fuck!" He yelped, holding a hand to the quickly developing lump on his scalp. After checking to make sure he wasn't bleeding, he gritted his teeth and powered through the pain. "Alright, I guess I deserved that one too."

"Yer darn tootin, you deserved that!" She all but yelled, thumping him in the head with the rolling pin again. "What were ya thinkin', goin out and pullin' a stunt like that? Yer lucky the Princess got you outta there, or you'd still be sittin' behind bars!"

"I know! I know, I'm sorry." Ryan replied, flinching as she brought up the pin to hit him again. "It was stupid and I make no excuses for what I did. I take full responsibility." Granny lowered the pin, but still kept her offensive stance. This helped Ryan calm down a bit. "I'm gonna take a wild guess that everyone's still pissed at me."

Granny Smith let out a sigh, her entire body visibly relaxing as she let down her guard. "They ain't mad at you, dear; And I aint either. We're just disappointed is all." Ryan almost rolled his eyes as he prepared himself for the 'Disappointed' speech. However, Granny mistook his expression for one of regret. "But I'm willing to forgive you, if you promise to stop drinkin around the youngins." She added with a smile.

Unless you wanna be beaten to death with a rolling pin, I think the decision has made itself.

Ryan forced a smile before answering. "Okay, Granny; I promise not to drink around the kids."

Granny Smith nodded approvingly. "Good..." In the blink of an eye her face went stern and the rolling pin was raised to the human's neck, causing him to freeze in place. "But should ya do somethin like that again, this here pin will be the least of yer worries." Her features softened as she lowered the pin and receded into the house. "Now get yer skinny little flank in here; We already ate, but there's plenty of leftovers." Ryan relaxed, following Granny into their eating area. "I know you got a bad habit of skippin breakfast, so just take yourself a seat and ah'll get you something to fill up on."

When your ancestors are as mixed as Ryan's, you tend to have difficulties making decisions for yourself. The Irishman can't turn down a drink, the German loves a good fight and likes to be in control, the northerner thinks he knows what's best, and the southerner gets shit done and can't turn down a free meal. When all of these traits are combined into one entity, you get left with a confused drunk whose brain is, at best, a boiling cauldron of spaghetti in which a single thought doesn't come as simply as it should.

So, you settle with what works; That being said, Ryan plants his ass into a chair and waits for Granny to do her thing. While she's out getting Ryan's breakfast ready, Apple Bloom descends from the stairs and spots the human sitting at the table.

"Ryan!" She yells excitedly, running at him at a full sprint and tackling him out of his seat. He yelps as he falls to the floor with the filly clinging to his form, her arms wrapped snugly around his neck. When she finally releases him, she stays sitting on his chest, looking down at him almost worriedly. "Where have you been? Nopony has seen you in days! Even Big Macintosh said that he couldn't find you."

"It's nice to see you too." Ryan says, sounding out of breath. "Can you please get off of me."

Apple Bloom compiles, but her curiosity continues to keep her mouth running. "Did that cop take you to jail? What was it like? Applejack said that Princess Celestia had to get you out. What happened after she got you? Did she-?"

Ryan sat up and quickly placed a hand over her mouth, finally silencing the tiny farm-horse. "Chill...Okay?" She nodded and he removed his hand from her muzzle. "Yes, I went to jail; It was boring, but it didn't last long. Sunbutt got me out, and in exchange, she handled my punishment." He climbed back to his feet, arching his back once he was up until it let out a few relieving pops. "Sweet Christ!"

Granny Smith returned as Ryan picked up his chair and took his seat once again. "There ya go, dear. Now you eat up, ah gotta get things ready. Cider season's comin up and ah wanna be prepared."

Ryan looked down at the plate she set before him; Fried eggs and toast.

Good enough, by my standards. Doesn't quite beat waffles and whisky, but I'll take it.

Ryan got to work on his small breakfast while Granny left to do God-knows-what for cider season. Apple Bloom grabbed a chair by the human and took a seat beside him. He looked over at her, his own curiosity starting to grow. "So how are your friends doing?" He asked, his mouth full of food.

"They're doin alright." She answered happily. "Scootaloo's a little iffy on bein around you after what happened, but Sweetie Belle's been worryin her head off about nopony bein able ta find you."

"Well, you can tell her that I'm fine." He said, taking a bite from his toast. "After I got back from Canterlot I had a bit of a staycation; Been sitting at home doing absolutely nothing for a while."

"You didn't answer the door when we went down to see if you were home." She added, her and her friends having gone there to look for him. "We didn't think anypony was there."

Ryan finished off what little was left on his plate before responding. "Oh, I was. I heard you guys."

"Why didn't you answer then?"

"Staycation 101; Don't open the door for anything." He explained, "I made that mistake last night and the next thing I knew; There was a slumber party going on in my living room."

Apple Bloom raised a brow at him. "You make it sound like that's a bad thing. It actually sound really fun."

"Wait until you get older." He said, his more isolated mindset getting the better of him. "Sometimes you just want to be left alone; Whether it be to think, to get away, or simply for the peace of mind that comes with it."

Apple Bloom blinked a few times as she stared at Ryan, who seemed to be deep in thought. Despite the expressionless look on his face, he seemed sad, in a way. "You're weird..."

Ryan didn't react to her comment. He just continued staring off into nothingness, whispering something she couldn't quite understand to himself.

Both of them are interrupted by the sound of the front door opening, causing them to turn their attention toward the ponies entering. Applejack led the way, taking off her stetson to wipe some of the sweat from her head. Big Mac followed behind her, running a hand through his greasy hair in an attempt to dry it some.

"Howdy!" Ryan greeted with a wave, quickly earning their attention.

Applejack's face quickly went to something less than pleasant as she marched toward him, stopping only when she was close enough to almost bump him with her chest. She reaches down and grabs his bottom jaw with one of her strong hands, pulling him up until he's forced to stand in front of her.

After that she just stares at him, like she's looking for something. Using her free hand, she snaps her fingers in both of his ears, causing him to flinch from the sound. Next, she holds a finger in front of his eyes, moving it from side to side. His eyes follow her finger, seeing it best to just comply rather than argue. Finally, she squeezes his jaw, forcing him to open his mouth just wide enough for her to stick her muzzle in and take a few quick sniffs.

Once all of her data was gathered, she released the human from her grip. "Would ya look at that..." She said in a sarcastic tone as she crossed her arms. "He's sober; Somepony call the police, ah think we have an impostor."

"Oh, ha ha, real funny." Ryan replied, rubbing at his now sore jaw.

Applejack merely hummed at his response. "So what's the occasion, or have you simply run out for the night?"

Ryan removed his hand from his face, wearing a much more annoyed expression. "Well, I was going to apologize, but now I'm not sure if I want to."

Apple Bloom's ears fell back as she looked over at Big Mac, both knowing very well that a fight was likely going to break out. She turned her attention back to the human and her sister, deciding to interject in hopes that it would help. "Guys, maybe we could talk this through without fighting?"

Applejack either didn't hear her sister, or was ignoring her. "It hardly matters what you want, what ya did was just plain stupid! Ah mean, really! What level of idiocy does one's brain have to run on for you ta do something that dumb?"

"Oh, I wonder!" He snapped at her. "But maybe you could answer me on what level of ignorance it takes for someone to leave three fillies with someone that they know is so under-qualified to watch kids it should be illegal!"

"Guys..." Apple Bloom said quietly, losing hope that things were going to be worked out peacefully.

"Well, pardon me for having faith in somepony that I thought was my friend, that I thought would do anything to keep mah kin safe!" She snapped at him, her anger getting the better of her.

Okay...that one stung

Ryan's emotions went into overdrive; How dare she accuse him of not caring for Apple Bloom! He would never let anything happen to her. And, on top of that, she basically just said that she doesn't see him as a friend. "And excuse me for being wrong about you...having even a lick of common sense!" He shouted, primarily on the last part. "Maybe next time you can hand them off to someone you do trust, someone that clearly cares more about your family than I do. You know, the only person aside from Pinkie who actually bothers to stop by and say 'Hi' to Granny or give Big Mac the time of day." He explained, beginning to fail at keeping his own anger in check. "Maybe if you weren't as much of a hot-head as Dash, ponies would actually fucking like you and not think that you're a self-absorbed bitch!"

It became visibly noticeable how much that last statement hurt her. The beginnings of tears were starting to form in Applejack's eyes as her fists tightened. She and Ryan had never gotten into an actual argument before. Things between them would get rough here and there, but never has it come to this kind of verbal abuse. Losing control over her own body, she swings, her fist connecting with the side of the human's face.

Big Mac's eyes widened as he watched his sister hit him. He wanted to stop her, but his body simply refused to move. Apple Bloom was in no better of a situation. She just stared on in shock, gasping as she watched Applejack hit the alien she saw as a brother.

Ryan's head was forced to turn from the hit, but he held his ground, even turning back to face her. "That all you got, mud horse?" His provoking words did little to help her regain control over herself, causing her to swing again, this time with her other hand. This punch was met with similar results. He turned back, both sides of his face turning red. "Bet it feels good, doesn't it." He said with a twisted smile, "Come on, hit me again!"

Applejack gave him one final swing, this one being hard enough to knock him to the ground. Her instincts were all over the place and her rage a raging ball of fire that took her over entirely. She was about to drop to the floor to really lay in on him, but stopped when Apple Bloom ran out in front of her.

"Stop it!" The little filly shouted, pressing her hands against her sisters stomach to keep her at bay. "Stop hurting him!"

Big Mac stepped in, knowing his little sister wouldn't be strong enough to hold her back if she really wanted to go after the human. He came up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. Her furious face turned toward him, fresh tears running down her face as she stared up at her older brother, who wore a look of sadness and disappointment on his face.

"Aj, please..." He begged, watching as her features softened. "That's enough."

Ryan placed his hands to the ground, pushing himself onto his knees. He coughed, causing a decent amount of blood to fly out of his mouth.

Something feels out of place...

Using his thumb and index finger, Ryan reached into the back of his mouth. There was a barely audible pop as he pulled out one of his teeth. After that was a light tapping sound it made as he dropped the tooth on to the wooden floor before pulling himself back to his feet.

He turned toward the exit and made his departure, only stopping to pat Apple Bloom on the head. "It was nice to see you again, squirt."

They all watched him with sad eyes as he walked down the hall and out of the front door. Just as he left, the sound of the back door opening up caught their attention, but barely earned much of a reaction.

"Now what's all that hootin' and hollerin' all about?" Granny asked as she walked into the house, making her way to her grandchildren. "Ah can hear y'all yellin' all the way in the barn." She paused, noticing someone missing from the group. "Now where did that darn kid go this time?"

Ryan marched back to his house, his mouth clenched shut and his hands tightened to fists. Ponies along the way would see him and part like the red sea as to avoid the furious looking human. Nopony wanted to stand in his way with how he looked.

When he finally made it back to his house, he nearly tore the door off of its hinges just getting it open. Inside the ponies that had stayed over the night before had just finished packing up all of their stuff. They looked over at him, their expression shifting from happy to worried as they looked at his bruised face and blood soaked lips.

"Ryan..." Rarity began, getting up from her bags. "What in Equestria ha-"

"Get out..." Ryan said, nodding his head and refusing to look at them.

"But, Ryan~" Pinkie pouted, "We haven't even gotten to-"

Ryan's face contorted in anger as he responded, this time much louder. "I said, get the fuck out of my house!"

Their eyes went wide, and without further arguments, they quickly gathered their belongings and ran out the door. He slammed the door shut behind them. He took a calming breath and pulled out his phone, turning on one of his playlists at random before tossing it aside.

"I entered the house on the hill one day!
Trying my best just to get away!"

Ryan went over to his fridge, pulling out the first bottle he saw. He didn't bother reading it to find out what it was before ripping the cap off and chugging down the harsh liquid.

No one was home, but the voices were clear!
They let me know I was welcome here!"

Normally just the taste of whisky would be enough to calm him down, then the alcohol would kick in and completely numb him. Sadly, that was not the case this time. The taste disgusted him and the burn in his throat was nowhere near comforting. Out of anger he threw the bottle at his window, breaking the glass structure as his beverage flew outside and shattered on the ground.

"Fuck!" He yelled to no one in particular, letting his anger get to him. He grabbed the small table in front of his couch by its legs, picking it up and slamming it against the ground. It's back legs broke from the impact. He then proceeded to throw the damaged piece of furniture across the room, breaking it further as it collided with a wall.

Ryan fell to his knees, roaring incoherently to himself as he beat his fists against the wooden floor, damaging his hands more than anything else.

"Life is so...wonderful!
Life is so...beautiful!
Stay a while!
No one gets out alive!"

Pulling himself out of his tantrum, he rolls over, leaning his back against the couch as he buried his face into his palms, his fingers digging into his scalp in the process. There were tears running down his face. He didn't know if it was because he was so angry, or because he was upset that he may have just lost the only ones here he considered family.

Does it even matter anymore?

"Life is so...wonderful!
Life is so...beautiful!
Just smile!
No one gets out alive!

Author's Note

I know Applejack is a bit OOC in this chapter; I apologize. I hope you all enjoyed it regardless though, and if you did, remember to slap that LIKE button like a bitch. Also feel free to leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P

Songs played;

Welcome to friendship

"You what!?" Twilight all but yelled in response to what Applejack had just told her. She and her, and Apple Bloom, were sitting at the table in the Apple Family's home. It had only been a few hours since the incident with Ryan occurred and AJ just really needed a friend to talk to about the whole thing.

"Ah hit him and one of his teeth just came out." The farm pony confessed with a guilty tone. She wasn't proud of what she did, but felt as though she was justified in her actions. She was hoping that Twilight would side with her, which would have made her feel better. However, that didn't look like it's going to be the case.

"You didn't just hit him!" Apple Bloom cut in with a bit of scorn directed at her sister. "You beat him! You hit him over and over again until he couldn't stand!"

Applejack huffed at her little sister. "Would you pipe down, yer makin' it sound worse than it actually was."

Twilight stared down her friend with a look of shock and awe. She knows first hand how Ryan can get, but beating him...It was one thing to give him a wack here and there so he could come to his senses, but given the blood stain on the floor and this talk of one of his teeth coming out, this wasn't just a wack.

"Applejack, what could have possibly gotten into you?" Twilight asked, mostly out of surprise.

"Why am ah the bad guy all of a sudden?" She asked with a hint of venom in her words. "He's the one gettin' wasted all the time, harassin' everypony he goes by, and puttin' mah kin into situations they have no business in. And, on top of that, he was the one who started yelling at me and provoking me to keep hittin' him!"

"That was yer own fault!" Apple Bloom interjected.

"Apple Bloom! The big ponies are talkin'." AJ said, hoping to get her sister to stop interrupting.

Twilight was about to say something, but was cut off by the younger farm-pony. "No! You can't just point the blame on him. Yer an adult and yer just as responsible for your own actions." Applejack was surprised by the way her sister was acting. Isn't this supposed to be something she is supposed to tell her? "I know Ryan messed up, he knows it too. He came here to apologize and everythin' was fine. He didn't start actin' out until you came in and started demonizing him." She went on to say, "Even ah know that he's got a short fuse and he's unstable. He can't control himself when he's upset. You know that too and you still went off on him."

Applejack started becoming upset with her sister, clearly not liking that she was pointing the blame at her. "Ah don't see why ah'm the one who's gettin' blamed here! He's-"

"He's a good person with a good heart!" Apple Bloom said, cutting off her sister. "He ain't perfect and he makes mistakes, just like everypony else."

Applejack was locked in a stunned silence. Even though she wanted to argue about how she was in the right, her sister was right too. Nopony was perfect, they all made mistakes, even her from time to time. Her ears fell flat against her head upon coming face to face with this realization.

"Alright!" Applejack said with a sigh, "I messed up, ah know." She admitted, feeling defeated and even a little guilty for everything that had happened. "Ah just- I don't know what came over me."

She felt a small hand grab on to her own, turning her head to see Apple Bloom smiling at her warmly. "Like I said, everypony makes mistakes." She said, helping to alleviate some of her older sisters guilt. "It's just in our nature."

Applejack smiled, pulling her hand from her sister and ruffling her mane some. "Thank you Apple Bloom. Sometimes, I swear you're gettin' wiser than me." She removed her hand from her sisters head and laid it down in front of her, her smile wavering. "I just hope ah didn't upset Ryan too much."

"Come on, this Ryan we're talking about." Twilight added, "He's a tough stone to crack. I don't think this will bother him for too long. Especially if you go and apologize."

"Ah don't know." Applejack replied, looking back on the fight with concern. "You didn't see him when he left. He looked like he was ready to kill somepony."

Going through his track record in her head, Twilight had seen him with similar expressions before. While he did prove to be much more of a loose cannon during these moods, he never really took it out on anypony else. Not to the extreme, at least.

"I'm sure he'll be fine." Twilight continued, "If anything I bet he went straight home to calm himself down. As long as he safely made it to his house, nothing bad will happen."

There was a number of powerful and frantic knocks at the front door, giving the ponies within a start. Applejack rose from her seat and made her way to the door, opening it only for a blur of pink to come rushing at her.

Pinkie grabbed AJ by the collar of her shirt, locking her panicked blue eyes with Applejack's confused green. "Applejack! I need Twilight!" She said, nearly screaming out every individual word. "It's an emergency!" She released AJ and went after Twilight, throwing the princess over her shoulder and taking off out of the door. "Come on!"

Applejack glanced back at her sister, giving her a questioning gaze. She shrugged in response, being just as unaware of the crazed pink mare's intentions. Pinkie said it was an emergency, so without further hesitation, Aj took off after her. She couldn't keep up with her bubbly pink friend, but managed to run at a decent enough pace to keep her in her sights.

After a short bit of running, something peculiar entered her vision in the distance. A large black cloud of smoke was coming from somewhere near Ponyville. She ran faster, bringing herself to a full sprint. It didn't take too long for her to reach their destination after that; And that destination was the raging inferno that was once their alien friend's home. The house was still standing, but it was completely engulfed in flames.

Applejack came to a stop beside Pinkie, the heat being too intense for any of them to go any closer. "What in tarnation!?"

The house was surrounded by weather ponies, each bringing in powerful storm clouds in an attempt to put out the fire. Twilight had already took to the skies as well, using her magic to bring in more rain clouds. A small explosion erupted from the left side of the once cozy home, sending wood splinters and broken glass flying out at random.

Several ponies stood among the burning house, staring at it with wide eyes as they hoped and prayed that nopony would get hurt. The pegasi were becoming worn out. No matter how much rain they brought in, it was almost as if somepony was reigniting the fire as soon as they put it out.

Applejack started looking around frantically, noticing something that caused her heart to sink into her stomach. "Where's Ryan!?"

It's happening again...

Ryan threw another cocktail from his hand, smashing it against the wall. The contents immediately caught, spreading the fire that was surrounding him. A few drops landed on his shirt, causing it to burn as well. He quickly tore off the offending material, throwing it into the flames.

We were a piece of shit back in our world and we're no different here.

He stood in the center of his living room, the only place that the fire had yet to reach. "Come on!" He yelled to the heavens, throwing his last cocktail into his bedroom. "Burn, motherfucker!" The flames raged on around him, but were nowhere near as strong as the fire in his gut. "Burn!"

We've done everything in the worst possible way, lost everypony's trust, and made them despise us.

His sweat covered body and furious expression gave him the appearance of some sort of monster as he grabbed his burning couch, barely managing to lift it off of the floor before running it into a wall. The weakened structure gave away, causing it to collapse, nearly landing on top of him.

There's nothing left for us here...

Ryan stumbled and fell onto his back, the heated wood burning his skin as it made contact. He growled in pain, but stayed in place as the sounds of boards falling and his ceiling cracking breached his ears. It wouldn't be long before the entire house came crumbling down on top of him.

We deserve this...

"Fuck!" He yelled to no one in particular, taking deep, heavy breaths as he lied on the floor. His angered expression slowly melted away as he stared up at the ceiling, waiting for the end to come. "This is all my fault." He said, thinking back on all of the trouble he's caused, all of the pain he brought. A single tear worked its way down his sweat soaked face. "They'd be better off without me." The walls began to creak as the structure comes closer to its downfall. "All I do is fuck up and I can't stop it." Several boards started to fall, landing haphazardly onto the floor around him. "I want to be better, but I can't. All I've ever done is hurt the only ones who care about me." Another small explosion echos from the furthest side of the house. "I deserve this."

I hate you...

Ryan closes his eyes and waits for the end, hearing the roof begin to fall, soon bringing his ceiling down with it. "I hate me too."

Applejack struggles against the Firepony's as she tries desperately to get into the burning house. "He's still in there!" She yelled, having heard his shouting not even a few seconds ago. "Let go of me."

Pinkie managed to slip pass the Firepony's and started running toward the burning home, only to stop when the roof started to cave in. The momentum she was carrying caused her to slip and fall face-first into the ground when she tried to stop herself.

Pulling her head up, she shook the chunks of grass and ashes from her face and mane, looking up at the plummeting structure and it slowly caved in on itself. "No!" She screamed, altering the Firepony's to her presence as she climbed back to her feet. Unfortunately for her, they were able to apprehend the teary eyed pink mare and pull her back. "Ryan!"

Another explosion could be heard, but this one didn't come from the house. Following the sound, everypony looked up into the sky, spotting a large circle of color in the distance and what could only be described as a rainbow charging straight for the burning house.

It came in like a bullet, crashing straight through the wall just as the house finally collapsed on itself, leaving nothing but a large burning pile of boards, siding, and plywood behind. Suddenly, ponies started running to the backyard, leaving the pegasi and Fireponys to do their job in peace.

Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight followed them, finding a single pony laying in the center of the circle the crowd had formed. The pony had smoke rolling off of their body as it got onto its knees and pulled off a set of goggles and a mask that hid its face.

Rainbow Dash peeled off the parts of her Wonderbolts uniform that were melting from her brief entry into the burning home, leaving it tattered and torn, but still clinging tightly to her body.

Once the burning sensations on her body had ceased, she turned her attention to the half-naked human laying on the ground in front of her. His body had patches of burnt hair, skin, and blisters littering it. She placed an ear to his chest, then proceeded to grab his head and tilt it back before placing her mouth against his, breathing into him a few times.

She removed her muzzle from his mouth and placed her hands on top of each other, resting them on Ryan's chest and pushing down hard several times before returning to giving him mouth to mouth. She repeated this process five times, causing the ponies around her to lose hope for the human.

Rainbow looked down at Ryan with tears in her eyes as she pressed against his chest again, desperately trying to revive him. "Come on!" She cried out, going back to giving him mouth to mouth, but only managing to cry short breaths into him. She pulled her muzzle from his face. "Please wake up..."

Adrenaline and anger kicked in as the fear of losing her friend started tearing her apart on the inside. She didn't bother hiding her tears as she let them fall down her face. "Wake up, dammit!" She yelled, pounding closed fists into his chest. "You can't do this to me, you can't!" She continued, still pounding on his bare chest, each hit becoming softer as she broke down. "You can't..." Reaching down, she grabbed the human's shoulders, pulling his lifeless body into a crushing hug as she prayed to whatever deity may listen for him to come back. "Please don't leave!"

She felt a hand on her shoulder, but not the one she hoped for. She turned back to see Applejack staring down at her with sad eyes. "Please stop, RD." She begged, not wanting to see this horrible scene continue. "Just stop...he ain't comin' back."

This only made Rainbow feel worse. She went back to her embrace, burying her muzzle in the human's neck as she sniffled against him. "He can't be gone, he just can't!"

The farm pony removed her hand from Rainbow's shoulder. Pinkie Pie and Twilight came up behind her, shedding their own silent tears for their alien friend. For so long they thought they'd wake up to see his grumpy face each and every day. With everything he had been through and walked out of, they had almost started to think that he was invincible. Not once had they considered the thought that he would be gone.

Applejack felt terrible, blaming herself for this entire situation. If she had just listened, if she had just given him a chance, then maybe this wouldn't have happened. He'd probably still be at her house, laughing and joking with her and her family. While he may not have been the most ideal character, he was still their friend. One that, even though he acted like he hated them, cared deeply for everypony he became friends with.

As Rainbow held the human's limp body, she continued to hold hope that things wouldn't end this way. She prayed that this was some kind of cruel joke. But, it wasn't, and she knew that. She couldn't bring herself to accept this though. "You're too stubborn to die..."

I hate to say it...but, she ain't wrong!

Ryan's body started to convulse, it started out slow, but quickly picked up in both speed and force. The human reached up and grabbed Rainbow Dash's shoulders, shoving her to the side as he propped himself up on his arms and emptied his stomach onto the soot covered ground.

Twilight acted fast, running over and grabbing one of Ryan's arms, forcing him to stand up. She looked over at her friends, "Ponyville General Hospital, now!"

Her horn sparked to life, engulfing her and the human in a bright lavender glow. There was a blinding flash and just like that, they were gone.

The nurse glanced at the human, looking over his bandaged body before going back to her notes. "Aside from a few broken ribs and only some severe burns, you're in pretty good condition." She set her clipboard aside on the counter just across from the bed. "You should be healed up in no time with only minimal scarring."

"You're very lucky they got you out of there when they did." Ryan raised an arm, looking over the gauze-covered appendage with a sigh. "You might not have been revived otherwise."

"I'm not sure if I'd call it luck." The human said, earning him a curious look. "If anything I'm unfortunate."

Red Heart shot him an unsure look, being slightly disturbed by his word choice. "Well, if you're feeling up to it, you have a few visitors who would very much like to see you."

Ryan groan in frustration, but accepted. "Fine, whatever! Send them in." As the nurse left he started to inspect his other arm. It was dressed almost identically to his other, but had an IV tube taped in place. "Motherfucker..."

A few seconds pass in silence before a group of mares come walking into his room, each one standing around his bed and getting as close to him as possible. He could have guessed who all was coming if he had bothered, so it was no surprise to him that he was surrounded by the same six mares he's come to know all too well since moving to Ponyville.

"How ya holdin' up there, big guy?" Applejack asked with a half-smile.

"I hope you're not in too much pain." Fluttershy followed up with.

"I would offer some reassuring words, darling." Rarity bluntly began, "But, you look dreadful."

Ryan was going to retort, but soon became reacquainted with a long-time friend of his; Pain. A few grunts work their way out of his throat as two mares cling to him, one on each side, wrapping their arms around his bandaged torso.

"Uh, guys." Twilight started, "I don't think you should-"

"I. Don't. Care." Rainbow stated with clenched eyelids as she pressed her face into Ryan's chest. Pinkie also responded in kind, nodding her head and humming in disapproval of Twilight's statement.

"I can't believe how much I hate everything." Ryan muttered under his breath, turning his attention to the farm horse on his right side. "What the hell are you doing here?" He asked, causing her smile to fall. He then looked over everypony in the room. "What are any of you doing here; Shouldn't you all hate me?"

I know I do!

"Darling," Rarity began, "We could never hate you."

"Why would you think that?" Fluttershy asked innocently.

"Cause I'm a piece of shit!" Ryan responded in a raised tone. "I've fucked each and every one of you over at some point. I've never done a good damn thing for any of you!" He leaned his back, letting it rest on the wall behind him. "I should have set myself on fire, not the house."

Rainbow Dash's eyes shot open upon hearing this, her and Pinkie both pulling away from him while everypony else went wide eyed at his comment. "Wait a minute; You started that fire?"

"You started that fire?" Ryan mocked, "Yes, I started that fucking fire!"

Twilight blinked a few times before she could respond. "But, why? Why would you do something like that?"

"Hmm! I wonder!" Ryan started, making it sound as if he were pointing out the obvious. "Maybe because I was hoping I'd burn to death!" He looked down toward his feet, laughing a bit as he did so, "I mean come on, what would you guys possibly have to lose with me being gone? Suddenly your lives are a little less stressful, that's a good thing!"

"But, Ryan!" Pinkie sounded off, "You've never done anything-"

"Bull! Shit!" Ryan said, cutting her off without a care. "When have I NOT done something wrong?" He looks over at Applejack, "I've gotten you and your family into trouble more times than I can count. I sneak into your fucking cellar and chug down hard cider until I can't see straight." His attention moves to Twilight, "I pester you constantly, show no remorse, ignore everything you say, swear like a sailor in front of your niece, AND I have struck you physically!" Turning his attention to Rarity, he continues. "I had you convinced that we were going to start dating, fucked you four times, then went out and fucked two other mares that same night."

Fluttershy stood at the end of the bed with a raised hand. "You haven't done anything wrong to me."

"Is that what you think?" Ryan asked, sounding more devious than ever. "Do you even realize that half of the time I'm with you I can't even remember your fucking name? I'm too busy ogling you and hoping that one day I can get into your pants." He admits, causing her blush and hide behind her hair out of embarrassment. "Pinkie," He says, turning his attention onto her. "Name one time that I've done anything nice for you, one time where you didn't have to cry and beg in order to make me comply, or get me drunk so I wouldn't care." Pinkie opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. She could not recall him doing a single thing for her unless he was intoxicated or she persuade him somehow. "That's what I thought." His attention finally turned to Rainbow Dash, who looked at him with sad eyes while he grinned evilly at her. "Then there's you, my little Dashie." She almost cringed hearing him say her pet name in his current, twisted tone. "How many times have I broken your heart?" He asked, waiting a few seconds for a response that simply never came. "I'm sorry; Are you ashamed, or is it simply too many times to keep track of?"

Ryan looked up at the ceiling; Body trembling, eyes watering, voice shaking, but still smiling. "Just leave..." He said, doing his best not to choke on his own words. "Get the fuck out of here...Stop letting me ruin your lives." His smile finally falls and he has to bite his lip to keep himself composed. "And next time; Just let me die."

They were all left in a stunned silence. There was simply no way to respond to something like this. He had just confessed all of his faults, but instead of looking to better himself, he was looking to destroy himself. No one spoke for nearly a full minute.

Finally, Dash broke the silence, starting with a hug. She grabbed Ryan from the side and pulled him into her chest, wrapping her arms around his shoulder so he couldn't get away. "I forgive you."

Now it was Ryan's turn to be surprised. Eyes widened and full of shock, he forced himself to look up at her. "What!?"

Rainbow Dash giggled a bit at his reaction. "I said, I forgive you." She repeated, only strengthening his confused expression. "I don't care what you did in the past."

Applejack walked over, taking a seat on the bed and wrapping her arms around him as well. "We all make mistakes, sugarcube. But it takes somepony with heart to own up and confess to what they've done wrong." The farm pony explained, taking a page from her little sister. "Ah forgive ya. Ah just hope you can forgive me."

We cant let them do this!

"No..." Ryan pleaded, "Stop!"

Suddenly he found Pinkie nuzzling up against him as well. "I forgive you, Ryan."

We'll only hurt them more!

"Don't forgive me, hate me!" He yelled, "I can't change, this is who I am." He went on to say, trying to save them from him. "I can't be anything but this...Please hate me..."

Surprisingly enough, Twilight made her way over, joining in the embrace. "I forgive you , Ryan."

"Me too." Rarity chimed in with tear filled eyes.

Fluttershy flapped her wings, descending onto the bed. "I don't need to forgive you." She says, laying on his legs and placing her head on his stomach while she worked her arms around his back. "You haven't done anything wrong."

Ryan sat trapped beneath their embrace, his body still trembling as his mind plagued him with thoughts and fears that he would only make things worse. "Why can't you just hate me?" He asked, his voice as shaky as the rest of him. "Why?"

"Because we're your friends." Twilight answered, still holding strong to their embrace. "And we care about you."

"Some of us more than others." Rainbow said in a cocky tone, causing all eyes to move onto her. She pulled away from the group hug to smugly ask, "I'm sorry, would any of you take him as your special somepony?" Their eyes went neutral and moved on to avoiding her gaze. "That's what I thought." She said, returning to her previous position.

Ryan's trembling arms wiggled their way out of them, slowly working their way around whomever they could reach and pulling them tighter against him.

Do you think that...maybe...we're not as bad as we thought?

Author's Note

Sorry! I thought that was funny!

ALSO: Anyone here ever heard the song Pittsburgh by The Amity Affliction? If not, check that song out. I feel like its fitting to this chapter.

Anyway, as always; If you're enjoying the story make sure to slap that LIKE button like a bitch, share it with your friends, and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

A state of disaster

"You really shouldn't be leaving quite yet." Red Heart advised, doing her best to keep the human from leaving the hospital in his current condition. "You haven't fully healed yet. It will only be a few more short days, I assure you."

"Sorry, sweetheart." Ryan finished removing the IV from his arm, setting the blood-soaked needle down on the small metal table beside his bed before wrapping the small wound with some nearby gauze. "But six days is too damn long." He stood up from the bed, dressed only from the waist down in the burnt jeans he was wearing when he was brought in a few days ago. "I know that I'm legally required to fill out some papers by leaving against medical advice, so if we could get that taken care of now, that would be great." Nurse Red Heart let out a sigh as she left the room, making way for one of Ryan's friends to come in.

Twilight entered the room with an unsure look about her. She spotted her human friend inspecting the black device he usually carried on his side before snapping it back into its place on his hip. "Hi, Ryan."

"Howdy." He simply replied, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Twilight looked over his body, feeling a certain amount of sadness as she counted the burns on his body. The nurse informed her that they would fade in a few weeks when she first asked about them, the magic having been used on him being very powerful with her help. But still, it broke her heart to know that he had tried to take his own life and in such an agonizing way.

The nurse returned with the papers and Ryan made quick work of filling them out before leaving the hospital with his alicorn friend by his side.

Twilight looked over at him as they walked into Ponyville, not being able to shake the feelings she was having earlier. "The insurance company stopped by my place yesterday." She said, hoping to distract herself by starting a conversation with him. "They said your house is ready and they even followed your rules not to upgrade anything, which I'm pretty sure they didn't have a problem with."

"Good shit." Ryan pulled a hand out of his pocket and placed it Twilight's head, giving it a few pats for good measure. "Thanks for taking care of that for me." He replaced his hand back into his pocket, Twilight responding by reaching up and fixing her mane. "Thank god for that royal insurance policy. Otherwise, I wouldn't doubt Celestia would make me move into the castle."

Twilight finished fixing her hair before responding to him. "Yeah, she's still not happy with our whole story. If she finds out that we lied though, she'll be furious."

"She'd be even more furious if she knew that the house fire was a suicide attempt." He argued, being nowhere near ready for the meteor shower that the sun goddess bring upon them had she been told what really happened. "Just keep it quiet for now and I'll tell her about it later."

"I don't know..." She said with a worried expression. "She seems really persistent about coming down to see you too. She keeps hinting at it in the letters she's been sending me. Maybe we should just-"

"I swear to God, book-horse." He interrupted with an annoyed look. "If any of you tell her, I will start another fire. And this time, it won't the house that's burning."

This threat could be taken two ways in her eyes, both of which came with a rather unpleasant outcome. "Fine!" She said in submission. "I won't tell her, but you better do it soon."

"Do you really want to start this argument, right now?" Ryan asked with a hint of venom. "Cause I will tear your world a-fucking-sunder."

"Why do you insist on being so difficult all the time?" Twilight nearly growled at him.

"Why do you have to constantly be up my ass about everything?"

"I'm trying to make things easier on you." She explained, "Maybe, if you tried listening to me for once, things wouldn't end as badly as they usually do."

"You know what I find absolutely mind boggling?" Ryan began, "That your mouth still open, but my zipper is still up."

Twilight's face contorted in disgust at hearing. "Ryan, that's gross!"

"I'm sorry, is that not your genre of humor?" Ryan asked sarcastically, "How about triggering?"

"Triggering?"

"~Kill yourself!" Ryan sang aloud in a cheerful tone, earning a few odd looks from the passers by as they entered the town. "It'll only take a minute! And you'll be happy that you did it! Just go over to your oven and put your head in it!" Twilight's eyes widened at this, her finding it astounding how someone who had just tried to kill themselves could just start singing something like that. "Kill yourself! Start a fire! Light that desire! Then sit in the center, til you're uglier than Caitlyn Jenner!"

Twilight buried her face in her palms, being stuck between feeling bad for him and wanting to smack him upside the head. Luck happened to be on her side as they finally came upon the carousel boutique. She removed her hands from face, knocking on the door rapidly.

"Rarity!" She called out desperately, "Please open the door!" A few seconds pass and the door opens.

Rarity stood at the door with a worried look. "Twilight, what's wrong?"

Twilight wasted no time grabbing Ryan, doing her best to avoid his burns, and shoving him into her. "Here, he's all yours now."

Without further exchange Twilight spread her wings and was off, causing Rarity to give Ryan the stink-eye.

"What did you do?" She asked with an accusing look as she pushed him just enough to make him move a few steps back.

He wince from the shove, some of his body still pretty sensitive. "It's me; What more is there to expect?"

Rarity sigh, rubbing her temples with her fingers. "What are we going to do with you." After removing her hand she stood off to the side to allow the human entry. "Come on in, I just finished your wardrobe."

Ryan entered the boutique, walking straight to her work station. In there was a number of brand new jeans, T-shirts, a jacket, and a few dress clothes for the more formal occasions. "Alright, what do I owe you?"

"Absolutely nothing, dear" Rarity answered with a smile.

Ryan glared at her when she said this. "We've gone through this before; You spent your time making these, using materials you could be using for anything else. Therefore, I am paying you."

Rarity crossed her arms defiantly. "Well, I believe that, given the circumstances, you could have a freebie." She explained, holding firmly to her ground. "It's not everyday you lose everything in a house fire, your life included."

"Need I remind you that, all of that was intentional." He shot back, never being one to accept pity.

"Please don't talk like that, Ryan." She said, walking over to him and placing a caring hand on his face, going over his burns with her eyes. "We all care about you very much. And it breaks our hearts that things played out the way they did." She said, her voice being nothing but genuine as she spoke. "Should you ever need anything; Whether it be clothes, help around the house, or even just needing a friend. My door will always be open for you."

Ryan could tell that she meant well, and that she was doing her best to keep him at ease, but to him this just felt awkward. "You know what, fuck it." He said, grabbing a nearby bag and stuffing his new clothes into it. "Your loss, sweetheart."

Once he had his belongings in order, he made his way to the door, stopping only when he heard Rarity call his name. "Don't you want to get changed before going out?"

"Nope!" And on that note, he was gone.

As Ryan walked to his newly built home, he was stopped several times by ponies offering their best wishes on his recovery and some even offering him some free stuff. He turned them down however, and gave each of them an awkward thanks before continuing his short journey. Normally ponies would just ignore him when he was out and about. Whether it was out of fear, or that they had simply gotten used to him was a mystery.

He spotted something rather peculiar during his journey. For some reason, ponies seemed to be hanging up a banner with images he didn't bother to look over. In fact, it would seem that the whole town was prettying up the place. At the center of it all he spotted, what he referred to as, Twilight's lizard. The little dragon seemed nervous about something and was frantically looking over a list he was holding in his claw.

Not wanting anything to do with whatever was going on, Ryan continued passed them and made his way toward the outskirts. He finally reached the newly reconstructed house he would be calling his home, spotting a certain yellow pegasus on her knees in front of a line of dirt and flowers.

Ryan walked up to Fluttershy, shooting her a curious look. "Hey!"

Fluttershy nearly jumped out of her skin, spinning around and falling onto her back as she looked up at the human. She let out a relieved sigh and pulled herself back to her feet. "Goodness, you scared me half to death."

"Not exactly hard to do, considering your track record." He said, earning a small giggle from her.

"I didn't expect you home so soon." She added, "The doctor said you still needed a few more days to recover."

"Yep!" Ryan said with a nod. "And I told them that they could 'Fuck right the hell off.'"

Fluttershy hated swearing as much as the next pony, but with Ryan she really should have expected it. She would also prefer that he stay in the hospital to get the help he needs, but even she knew that arguing with him was hopeless.

"I planted some flowers around your house." She said, motioning to a row of small flowers. "I hope you don't mind. I thought maybe having some warm colors around your home would make it more welcoming."

Ryan looked over her work. He wasn't an agriculturalist, but they did offer a certain appeal. "I'll admit, I'm not much of a flower person, but they aren't half bad."

Fluttershy smiled at him warmly, "I'm glad." She went silent for a minute, making this interaction a bit uncomfortable. "I know we aren't the closest or anything..." She paused again, her coy nature getting the better of her. "But, I think I'd like to start seeing you more so I can get to know you better as a pony." Her eyes went wide for a second, "Sorry; As a person."

Ryan replied with a simple hum, feeling as though he was being singled out now. In reality, he was, and he knew why. He just wished that they'd stop, but telling them to do so would make them worry and probably start stalking him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

Wanting to get away from this as soon as possible, he pointed a thumb at his door. "I'm gonna go ahead and...get settled in."

"Oh, okay." Fluttershy said, nervously reaching out to grab his hand. "I'm gonna head home too, but I just want you to know that you're always welcomed at my cottage."

Ryan gently pulled his hand from her and nodded. "Alright, cool." He slowly started walking to the door. "I'll make sure to take you up on that offer."

"I hope so." She said with a smile, offering a wave before spreading her wings and gracefully taking to the sky. "Goodbye!"

Once she was gone he quickly bolted into the house, slamming the door shut behind him. Tossing the bag aside, he reached up dragged his hands down his face. "These fucking ponies..."

You know, we could always try offing ourselves again...It's still an option.

"Yeah right." He replied to himself, looking around the place. It looked exactly how it did before the fire, only it was much cleaner. He walked over to his couch, carefully taking a seat as to not upset the burns on his body. "I wouldn't doubt that they have someone watching over this place as we speak." He leaned back, letting himself sink it the cushions with a reliving sigh escaping his throat. "Fuck 'em! At least now I can just sit back and-"

Ryan Doyle Curtis!

Ryan let out a less-than-manly shriek upon hearing the booming voice echo through his brain like a crack of thunder in the night sky. "What the fuck!?"

What is this I hear about you leaving the hospital early?

Ryan calmed down immensely, quickly realizing what was happening. "Motherfucking, bullshit ass, fuckin' magic..."

Hi, Celestia. It's nice to hear from you too. He thought back in a sarcastic tone.

Twilight has informed me that you have yet to finish healing. She began, You shouldn't be up and moving yet.

And you shouldn't be taking time off work to talk to me. He argued.

That's besides the point! She shot back, You shouldn't be walking on that leg if it still hasn't healed. You could make it worse!

My leg? There's nothing wrong with my- Ryan's eyes went wide as he paused mid-thought, having forgotten for a moment that they lied to her. There was a brief silence that almost made him shake with fear.

Ryan... She began with a small amount of venom in her words. Why were you really in the hospital?

Uh... Ryan sat there, thinking of how her could correct this mistake.

Quick, tell her you broke a few ribs! You technically wouldn't even be lying. If we play our cards right, you might be able to wait this one out. As long as she doesn't figure out that you started the fire, then we're golden.

You what!? Celestia's voice rang in his head, nearly making his eardrums explode. You started that fire!?

Wait, can she fucking hear me!?

You motherfucker! Ryan yelled internally, cursing his own brain for its loud mouth.

You better start talking right now, Ryan!

I'm gonna go ahead and 'fuck off' now. Good lucky, buddy!

I'm gonna get a fucking lobotomy and have you cut out of my head!

Ryan!

WHAT!?

Why would you start your own home on fire? She asked, her telepathic voice dripping with anger. Do you even know how badly you could have gotten hurt? What is wrong with you? Why would you do something like that? Ryan didn't respond, doing his best to keep his cool. Answer me... Again, he remained silent. Answer me!

"For fuck sake!" He yelled, I was trying to fucking kill myself, alright! Are you happy now!? Now he was the one met with silence. Hello? And again, more silence. Hello!

It took all of two seconds for him to piece together what was happening. "Nope! Fuck no!" He launched out of his couch, turning off any lights, locking his front door and checking every window in the house. "Nope, nope! Nah-uh! Not happening!" He quickly ran into his kitchen, looking for anything he could use. He grabbed a chair from the table, holding it above his head. "Not today, bitch!"

Ryan stood in his kitchen, his weapon firmly held with both hands as his eyes repeatedly scanned the room. Every sense he had was fully alert, waiting for something to come off as out-of-place. There was a small pop behind him and his body reacted instinctively, swinging the chair with all of his might. It smashed against the wall, shattering into pieces as the lights were suddenly turned on and he was hoisted into the air by his hair. He let out a series of ow's as he reached up and started pulling at the hand that was holding him.

Celestia, with Ryan firmly held in her hand, turned him around so he would be facing her. She let out a gasp, her angry expression quickly melting away at the sight of him. Dropping the human, she placed both of her hands over her mouth as her eyes started water.

Ryan dropped to his knees, freezing in place as he did so. There was no point in fighting it now, she was already here and she could easily catch him if he tried to run.

Looking up at her, he spread his arms out, giving her a better view of his form. "There, I hope it was worth the trip!"

The regal princess looked over his body over and over again, memorizing each and every burn he sustained, each patch of missing hair, and even counting a certain number of broken ribs.

"Ryan..." She all but whispered, slowly moving in on him.

Ryan climbed back to his feet, slapping one of Celestia's hands away as reached out to him. "Don't touch me! The shit still hurts!"

Celestia recoiled, her head being flooded with a large number questions and worries. "Why would you do something like this?" She asked, this being one of the many thoughts that were floating around in her head. "Why would you try to take your own life?"

"Do I really have to go through this shit again?" Ryan asked with a groan. "Look, it's obvious that I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm the furthest thing from it. No matter where I am, I'm always the bad guy, especially in this world." He couldn't help but look back, not only on the mistakes he's made here, but back on earth, his earth. Any and all anger he felt was gone as he recollected these memories, being replaced with something he couldn't quite recognize. "Even in my world, I was just another asshole who didn't care about anything." He said in a soft tone.

"I didn't have anything going for me there; Nobody cared about me, nobody loved me, I could have up and died and no one would have known for weeks. It's not like anyone would have bothered looking to begin with." Making this revelation made it feel as though there were a hole in his chest that continued to grow the more he pondered. "Then here; I have all of these wonderful friends and I treat them like shit no matter how nice they are to me. They'd probably give their lives if it meant I could live."

Ryan had to turn away from Celestia, feeling ashamed of himself in the presence of someone like her. "I don't deserve them, they're too good for me. And they don't deserve me, cause I'm too toxic for them." His hands balled up, tightening into fists as his eyes clenched shut. "Why am I like this? Why can't I be different? And why the fuck am I the only one here who's mad about it!?" He shouted the last part, a certain amount of rage building up in him.

"Why does everyone keep giving me chances!?" Ryan raised his hands, slamming them into the counter. "No matter what I do, no matter how bad I fuck up, they're still here!" His body started to convulse, despite his wishes. "Why am I the only one who hates me!?"

Ryan spins around, having to look up a bit to meet Celestia's tear filled eyes. "Tell me!" He shouts at her, reaching out and grabbing the neck of her dress, pulling her down to his level. "Tell me, God dammit!" She flinched at his sudden display of anger, but didn't fight him. "Why don't they hate me!? Why don't you hate me!?"

The floodgates finally open and Ryan starts to break down. His grip on her dress loosens as he drops to his knees. "Why..." He asked in a shaky tone, his face in her gut and his hands sliding down before holding tight to her sides. "Why am I the only one?"

Celestia could hardly react; For so long she had wanted him to see the error of his ways, to finally realize that the life he lives wasn't doing him any good. But, now that he has, this is what he's been reduced to. A self-hating shell of a man who calls out for hatred in order to feel better. However, the only hate he ever receives is from himself, which only makes him feel worse.

It hurt her deeply to see him like this, so weak and vulnerable. Not once has this side of him ever come out during his stay in Equestria. She almost wished that it never did.

Celestia knelt down to his level, grabbing his head and pulling it into her neck as her large wings extended and wrapped themselves around him. "It's okay, Ryan." She said, hoping that she could at least bring him some comfort. "I want you to come home with me. Just for tonight, okay?"

Ryan didn't respond, leaving her confused about what to do. Having little options to work with, she decided to take a page from his book; He may not have said 'yes', but he didn't say 'no' either. With a small amount of preparation and a bright flash, they were gone, leaving his house quiet and empty.

Author's Note

I changed the lyrics to the song cause I thought it would be funnier this way, deal with it...Here's the song:

Anyway, hope everyone is still enjoying the story despite the decrease in comedy. If you are, be sure to slap that LIKE button like a bitch, share this story with your friends, and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Heart Breaker

Finally, it was done.

Twilight took a step back to admire her work. Her new shelving arrangements were perfect and should decrease the amount of time it took to locate a book by a whole 2.057 seconds! It didn't take her as long as usual, only a few hours. Taking a seat in a nearby desk, she lets herself bask at the sight as she got a much needed break. After that, and trying to help Spike keep Ember and Thorax apart for most of the day, she was exhausted.

Her relaxation only lasted for so long though as Spike came walking into the library, holding a scroll in his claw. He walked up to Twilight holding the letter out to her. "Twilight, Princess Celestia sent another letter."

Twilight let out a sigh, suspecting that her former teacher was going to be digging for answers about the fire again. She reached out and grabbed the letter, thanking Spike before reading it in her head.

Dear Twilight;
I have written this letter to inform you that I am borrowing Ryan for the night. So do not be alarmed if he cannot be found at this time. He is in a very vulnerable state at the moment and I wanted to personally keep an eye on him to make sure nothing would happen.
I also would like to make you aware that I have discovered the true nature of the incident and that I am not mad at you for keeping it a secret. You were merely respecting your friend's privacy and his wishes to keep it to himself. And for that,
I cannot be mad.
Your friend; Princess Celestia
P.S. Don't EVER lie to me again...

Twilight gulped at that last part, suddenly feeling a certain amount of dread fill her gut as she lowered the letter.

Celestia finished lowering the sun as she stood out on the balcony connected to Luna's room, making way for her sisters beautiful moon to take up the night sky. Once her part of the job was done, she turned to her sister, observing as her horn became alight and the moon made its way across the sky, soon resting above them.

Luna's magic died down, her face being nearly expressionless. "I simply cannot bring myself to believe it." She said, breaking the silence that had festered around them for the last few minutes. "Sure, he acts out. But, I could never picture him taking such an extreme measure. Not like that at least."

Before moving the heavenly bodies in the sky, the two had spent a fair amount of time discussing what Ryan had done and was trying to do. Neither of them wanted to accept that he would choose such a path, that he would try to end his life, but the evidence was overwhelming.

Luna took a breath, still being lost in a tirade of thoughts. "Where is he now?"

"He's resting in my quarters." Celestia answered, "His emotions are starting to surface and their taking quite the toll on him."She fell silent for a moment, thinking back on when they has brought Cadence over to find out why he acted the way he did. "Sister, do you think that this is somehow our fault?"

Luna raised a brow at her sister, finding this question to be a bit odd. "Whatever do you mean?"

"It's just..." Celestia sighed, reaching up and rubbing her arm uncomfortably. "He didn't start acting this way until after we brought him here and had Cadence go through his emotions." She explained in a guilty tone. "Do you think that, by doing that, it somehow started a chain reaction that could have led to this?"

Luna was hesitant to answer, not wanting to believe that the human's sudden downfall was either of their fault. "I'll admit, I would hope that is not the case." She confessed, "But, I cannot honestly say that I am sure it wasn't." Her words did little to ease her sister's guilt. In fact, it made her feel worse. "I shall send a letter to Cadence before the nights end to find out if their are any side-effects to the spell. Until we are sure, let us keep from having this kind of weight on us."

Celestia was slow to respond, but submitted. "I agree, sister." She said with a nod, letting herself relax for a few brief moments. "This day has been just awful."

"Indeed." Luna agreed, thinking of a way that they could both loosen up. "Perhaps a trip to the royal bathhouse will help to ease these burdens?"

Celestia thought about it for a second, eventually growing warm to the idea. "That does sound nice." She responded with a small smile. "Who knows; Maybe a hot bath will be just what I need."

Luna smiled at her sister, leading the way out of her room and to the bathhouse. They started by going into separate dressing rooms, removing their clothing and reemerging side-by-side with a towel wrapped around their bodies. The two noticed that the water was already warm once they had dropped their towels and stepped in, which was odd. Normally the water would start off cool then heat up over time.

Once the two had submerged themselves, the water just barely reaching their breasts, they let out hums of content, letting the warmth take their forms and ease them into a relaxing state. There was a few seconds of silence between them, but Luna couldn't help but wonder about something.

"Sister, when shall I see him?" The night princess asked, looking over at her older sister. "And what should I expect?"

Celestia sat with her back against the edge of the large tub, her head angled to the ceiling and her eyes shut. "Probably not until morning." She answered, lowering her head and letting herself sink deeper into the water. "As for what to expect; I-" She was cut off as the sound of bubbles breaching the surface caused her mind to come to a stop.

Eyes now open, Celestia turned to face her younger sister. "Luna, did you just-"

"Of course not!" Luna interrupted defensively. "Don't try to point the blame at-" The bubbles came again, this time silencing her.

They followed the sound as they continued to assault their ears, finding the source to be at the other end of the bath. At first it was slow, then they started to rise at a much quicker pace. Just as the royal sisters were about to react, a furless form breached the water, greedily sucking in as much air as it could.

Ryan was gasping for each breath, having stayed underwater for longer than he anticipated. He hadn't quite noticed the two alicorns that had unknowingly joined him, his back being turned to them as he leaned against the edge of the tub, using his arms to prop himself up.

Luna was going to say something in spite of him being there, but stopped as she got a good look at him. His entire back was terribly burned, causing her eyes to go wide and her mouth to hang open as she tried to form words. She couldn't take her sights off of him, it was almost like she was stuck in a trance as she scanned every line, burn, and discoloration.

Ryan took a deep breath, finally being able to breathe normally again. He craned his neck to the side, earning him a few satisfying pops. He repeated the process in the opposite direction, having the same outcome before he turned around. He was going to sit down and relax, but his actions ceased as his attention became wrapped up with something else.

The two sisters stared at the human without taking their eyes off of him for even a millisecond, both stuck in a state of confusion on what to do next. Celestia was the first one to take her eyes off of him, quickly noticing that both her and her sister were completely exposed.

Celestia grabbed her towel from beside the tub, pulling it into the water to hide her naked body from view. Luna became alert by the sudden motion, soon following in her sisters hoofsteps and covering herself as they both blushed heavily at Ryan's still standing, still naked form.

Despite the overall awkwardness of the situation, Ryan hardly seemed affected by it. "Should I go?" He asked, pointing a thumb toward the exit. "Cause I can leave, right now."

"I think that would be-"

"No." Luna said, earning a look from her sister as she cut her off. She ignored her gaze however, keeping her undivided attention on the human. "Come here." Ryan was confused, but thought it best just to comply; Walking over to them as the night princess moved a few inches away from her sister. "Take a seat." Again, Ryan obeyed, letting his body sink into the water as he sat down in between them.

Luna gently grabbed one of his arms, examining the damage very thoroughly. "Strong magic has already been used to heal these." She said, still looking him over. "But none as strong as ours." She turned her attention to her sister, who was staring at her with curious eyes. "Tia, if you wouldn't mind..."

Celestia actually smiled, for once feeling as though Luna intended to help their alien friend. "Not at all." She said, grabbing Ryan's other arm and holding it gently, being careful not to grab any of the more sensitive areas. "Ready when you are."

Luna nodded, holding Ryan's arm in one hand and reaching the other out to her sister. Celestia responded in kind, taking her sister's hand in her own and holding it tight. They closed their eyes, their horn sparking to life as they let their magic flow into each other, sharing their powers between them

Ryan didn't say anything, he just watched them perform whatever it was they were doing. Their magical glows started to take over their form, traveling from one to the other and giving them a new kind of radiance that no amount of words could simply explain.

It would have been a beautiful sight had the sudden pain not set in when it did. His teeth clenched shut, his body becoming tense as every burn on his body felt as though a hot iron were being pressed into them. He didn't notice it at first, given the agony he was going through because of it, but many of the more minor burns decorating his body suddenly started to fade away until there was nothing left. The more severe ones however, faded until they appeared to be only minor.

Finally the burning stopped and Ryan's body relaxed. This process left him beat, he was tired and thought he was going to faint. He managed to hold on though, forcing his eyes to stay open as he leaned back and felt the princesses release him from their grip.

"Holy fuck, that was terrible." Ryan muttered just loud enough for them to hear.

"I apologize for any discomfort." Luna began, "But I simply couldn't stand seeing your body in such a state."

Celestia reached an arm around Ryan, pulling him into her. "I'm sorry too." She said, being completely unaware that both hers, and her sister's towels had fallen off during their ritual. "We were only trying to help."

Rather than ogling over the now exposed mares, Ryan found himself feeling a large amount of guilt. "No, I'm sorry."

Celestia blinked a few times in confusion, finding her sister having an almost similar reaction. "For what?"

"For being a fuck up, trying to sleep with both of you, for ever being born." He listed, feeling worse as he spoke. "Everything..."

Ryan barely had a chance to react as he felt himself being torn from Celestia, his head soon being surrounded by two large blue orbs as a set of arms wrapped around the front of his body.

Luna nuzzled the top of Ryan's head, her eyes closed as she held him in the forced embrace. "That's all I ever wanted!" She began, "For so long all I ever wanted from you was a simple apology."

Celestia climbed over to them, joining in on the hug. "We forgive you, Ryan."

For the first time in a while, all of the pain he felt was gone. Not the physical pain, but everything that he felt in his chest simply vanished right there. He couldn't help but to smile, being happy that he had such great friends, and starting to feel like himself again.

Dude...do you even realize what is happening right now?

Ryan's smile dropped quickly as he took note of the situation he was in. "Uh, guys..." The only response he received were the absentminded hums of the two sisters. "Guys, seriously. This needs to stop right now." Again, they paid him no mind. "I'm not-"

All blood has officially been sent south!

Ryan let out a groan, for a moment feeling like his old, grumpy self again. "You know what? Fuck it!" He yelled, "But don't say you weren't given a warning. This is on you guys now."

Celestia shifted uncomfortably, becoming slightly annoyed as she lifted her head to look up at the human. "Ryan, if you could refrain from touching my chest, it would be much appreciated."

Ryan responded by raising his hands, shooting her a deadpan look as she looked them over, but realized that something was still pressing against her.

A large blush formed across Celestia's face, earning her a certain look from Luna. "Tia, is everything alright?"

Celestia didn't acknowledge her sister, instead choosing to keep her attention on the human. "Ryan, make it stop..."

"I can't." He said with a shrug.

"You have to!" She almost pleaded.

"I really can't!"

"Make what stop?" Luna asked, "What's happening?" She leaned forward to try and see what was causing her sister to act so odd.

Celestia, being the good big sister she was, lowered herself further into Ryan to hide the issue. "Nothing! Nothing at all!"

Ryan bit his lip as he felt a small part of himself go from simply poking her, to being nestled between her. "You're not helping!"

Luna pulled away from Ryan, causing his body to sink some into the water without her support. "What is going on?"

"Nothing!" Celestia argued.

"I am erect!" Ryan confessed, earning a blush from both princesses, one of which was glaring at him angrily. "Her not knowing is only hurting one person here; Me!" Celestia's blush only deepened as she felt a heartbeat against her chest, one that did not belong to her. "Get. Off."

Ha! No pun intended!

After a very awkward departure, mostly for the royal sisters, they all went their separate ways to dry themselves off. Ryan was the first one done, making quick work of throwing on his toasted pants and walking back to Celestia's room. Once there, he settled in on the bed, laying down with his arms behind his head.

That was fucking priceless

"Yeah, it was pretty funny." He agreed, despite some tension he felt in his lower regions. "I'm gonna have blue balls for the rest of the night though."

Ryan took a deep breath and closed his eyes, waiting to fall asleep. This peace didn't last for long. He heard the door open, but didn't react as he assumed it was just Celestia coming to bed. He felt the bed sink in as she climbed in. Oddly enough, it sank once more on the opposite side.

Ryan's eyes opened as curiosity set in, gracing him with the sight of two mares hovering above him with an unsure expression shared between them. "What, uh...What's going on here?" He scanned the both of them, realizing very quickly that neither of them had a single article of clothing. His mind instantly dove right into the gutter. "I'm gonna assume that I'm misreading this display."

"Actually...you'd be wrong." Celestia replied, earning a raised brow from the human. "You see; As alicorns we have been given the gift of immortality. This gift can be shared, which is why we must be careful in choosing who we...mate with."

His eyes moved to Luna as she picked up where her sister had left off. "It's not to say that we don't trust you, but..." She grabbed one of his hands, placing it against her bare chest. "perhaps there are other ways to achieve the release we seek?"

Ryan's body shot up as he yanked his hand away from Luna. "Okay, what kind of fucking joke is this?" He asked irritably, "Two weeks ago if I would have tried something like this, I would have been kicked in the fucking head. But then out of nowhere you're both in here trying to get in my pants. Do you know what this looks like; Like some sort of poorly written story by a retard who can't get their shit together and jerks off to colorful horses when no one is looking."

Luna looked at him with wide eyes, blinking a few times before responding. "That was...oddly specific?"

"Well this is an oddly, bullshit situation." He retorted, "I mean, seriously, just...why!? Why all of a sudden are you two pursuing me?"

Ryan, Celestia began, reaching a hand out to stroke the side of his face. "We both care about you, very deeply. Enough to even go as far as to say that we have romantic feelings for you."

"We always have." Luna finished for her sister

"Don't you hate me?" Ryan asked, shooting Luna a skeptical look.

"I've never hated you." Luna said, "I was upset with how you treated us; And yes, I had a poor view on you for a while." She explained, hardly giving any legit reason as to why she was even here, let alone what was happening. "But after your recent transformation, I can now see you for who you really are. I can see that you're not just some poorly written character who wants nothing but to drink and bed everypony he sees."

Her eyes locked onto his, looking directly into his soul as she grabs his hand again, this time just to hold it. "You're a person, a good person. One that has been trapped within the confines of his own mind and unable to express himself because he was scared." She said genuinely, stroking his knuckles with her thumb. "You're not the monster you try to make others think you are. And you have no reason to be afraid."

How the fuck does she know all of this!?

Luna leaned toward him, her lips puckering as she drew closer.
Ryan felt a strange sense of comfort as he followed her example. He almost felt as though he could trust her. The guilt he had only recently started feeling was fading away now that he knew that she really did forgive him. Both of them did. Maybe he could do more than trust them? Maybe he could actually try to form a genuine connection with them. Perhaps one day he could even-

No! We can't! We'll only hurt them again!

Luna paused when she noticed the human's sudden change. He was pulling away from her, his expression matching that of a terrified child. "Ryan, are you alright?"

Ryan didn't answer, his mind became overwhelmed a number of dark thoughts, reminding him of all of the pain he's caused. The idea of putting them through that and so much more plagued every crevice of his brain and made him slink further from them.

"I can't." He finally said, "I just can't. I don't want to hurt you." He looked over at Celestia upon saying this. "Either of you."

"If you feel anything for me, you have to stop." He practically begged, dread filling him entirely now. "All I've ever done is hurt people. The longer you let yourselves care about me, the more it's gonna hurt."

Celestia grabbed Ryan's face turning it toward her as she forced her lips against his. This forced kiss only lasted a few seconds before she separated herself from him and looked into his eyes. "I know you don't have faith in your own heart. But, have faith in ours."

He nodded in defiance, trying to pull away from her. Her face became stern as she held him in place. "Do you want to hurt us?" She asked, causing him to freeze on the spot and look up at her with sad eyes. "Do you!?"

Ryan nodded again, "No..."

Celestia's features softened as she offered him a warm smile. "Then you won't." She leaned in and kissed him again, this time receiving no resistance. The next time they separated, he looked much more relaxed and accepting. "Just trust us, Ryan."

Luna snuggled up against his side, kissing his cheek lovingly as one of her hands caressed his torso. "Nothing bad will happen." She whispered to him, "I promise."

Author's Note

I really don't have much to say about this chapter...It...It's a thing that exists...

Anyway, as always; If you enjoy this story, slap that LIKE button like a bitch! Share this story with your friends! And feel free to leave a comment below! Comments make me feel special :P

I would also like to ask that you consider supporting me on Patreon! I am poor and my job sucks!

Road To Recovery

"-as using this spell would be akin to making a door. One of which, I regret to inform, is harder to close than it is to open. I take this news with a heavy heart and hope only for the best outcome. Please keep me informed on his well-being. I am truly sorry. Yours, Cadence." Luna finished reading the letter she had received just a few minutes ago.

After everything that happened in the bathhouse, she stayed true to her word that she would write to their niece about Ryan's recent behavior. It wasn't until after that, that she and her sister spent the rest of the night with the human, her having taken the night off of work for the occasion.

Luna set the note aside, looking very displeased as she rested her elbows on the table and her head in hands, massaging her temples with her fingertips.

Celestia sat across from her, feeling nothing but hatred for herself. "So, it was our fault." She suspected that it was from the beginning, but to finally hear it tore her apart. "He tried to kill himself because of us."

"It would seem so..." Luna answered painfully, looking back down at the letter. "At least all is not lost. She did mention that this could very-well be a good thing."

"There's nothing good about it!" Celestia growled through clenched teeth, slamming a fist into the table. "This stupid plan almost costed us the very life we were trying to save." She had to blink back the angry tears that were trying to breach her eyes.

Luna flinched at her sisters outburst. Her reaction was understandable, but was made bias by the situation. "Tia, had we not gone through with it-"

"He would have never tried to take his own life." Celestia finished.

Luna glared at her sister for interrupting her with such a negative outlook. "He never would have gotten better either." She corrected, continuing her earlier statement. "You've seen first-hand, as well as I have, that he is finally getting better. I know it's hard to look at it that way with all that has happened, but we cannot undo the past." The sun princess look up at her younger sister, her eyes still threatening to pour. "We must look at what is to come; And what is to come could very-well be a road to a brighter future for him."

Celestia turned away, refusing to meet her little sister's gaze. "Think about it, sister." Luna continued, "Think about last night. At any other point in time, he would have jumped at the idea to be intimate with us. But not then; Instead he fought us out of fear that he would hurt us."

"He's getting better, Tia." Luna went on, hoping to quell her older sister of these dark thoughts. "The road to recovery is never easy, there will always be conflict. But, right now, he needs his friends to be strong and to look out for him. In time, the rewards will come."

Celestia let out a sigh, turning back to face her little sister. For a while she was locked in her current mood, but before too long a smile found its way to her face. "You're right, Luna." She said, earning a smirk from the night princess. "I need to stop looking at the negatives and focus on the good that will come"

"I'm glad you are seeing things my way." She said, looking up at a nearby clock. "I almost wish we hadn't sent him home so early. I would very much like to speak with him about what he is feeling."

"As do I." Celestia agreed, "But, as you said, the road to recovery is never easy. We will have to let him figure himself out in his own time."

Luna sighed, knowing her elder sister was correct. "Indeed; If we dig too much it may become overwhelming for him." She took a few seconds to think back on his behavior prior to this new development. "It's so strange to see him how he is now. There's never been a time where he wasn't the most headstrong creature in the room."

"From monster to man nearly overnight." Celestia joked, trying to keep her outlooks from taking a dark turn again. However, she could only fight them for so long. "It must be hard for him; Changing so drastically so soon."

Ryan slept peacefully in the comfort of his own bed. Having been up most of the night, he was far from hesitant on going back to sleep once he was teleported back home. Once he was out, he was out cold with little to nothing to disturb him. He would have very likely stayed asleep for the next few hours if it weren't for-

"Look at me, I'm almost a human being!
I'm just like you
Better than he
To hell with they-"

His eyes opened slowly, his body arguing with him to stay asleep. But, he knew that if he didn't get up now then he never would. With many arguments, both internally and externally, he lifted himself up, looking over at his phone.

"I'm almost me!
I'm nearly human!
Pity me, I'm almost a human being!"

Swiping his finger across the screen, his phone was silenced. At least until tomorrow, that is. He climbed out of the bed, taking a minute to locate his new stack of clothes, then proceeded to lazily slide a set on. A yawn escapes him as he grabs his phone and places it on his hip before reluctantly exiting his room.

Aside from wanting to go back to sleep, his head was buzzing with a mixture of thoughts that he couldn't even begin to keep track of. It felt as though his mind was a computer with some asshole behind the keyboard trying to reprogram him. Pushing that thought to the side for now, he made his way to the fridge. Upon opening it, he was reminded that he had yet to go shopping.

With a growl he slammed the empty piece of machinery shut and walked outside. The sun was shining bright enough to make him recoil back inside for a second, its bright rays assaulting him with their luminescence. He fought through the pain, making his way to town with squinted eyes.

There was a moment where he debated going to Doughnut Joe's for a few cups of coffee, but he really needed to stock up on groceries. Keeping that in mind, he walked through town and looked over the stalls that lined the streets. There were a decent number of ponies already out and about, but they seemed too busy with their own affairs to notice him.

Following their example, he went about his own business. Rather than going to the stalls, he made a B-line for the local marketplace. It would have everything the stalls had, just not as fresh. That didn't bother him though. All he wanted was to get everything he needed, preferably in one go, then head straight home.

He grabbed a cart before dragging himself through the isles, his eyelids still heavy and making this quick trip to the store more difficult than it should have been. He was halfway through the mental list he made of what he needed to grab when he found himself in the liquor aisle.

His eyes wandered over the large number of bottles, boxes, and so on that he could pick from. Part of him was hesitant to even touch one of these, but the rest of him cried out for the bittersweet nectar. This actually became a conflict for him, which has never happened before. Normally he'd go crazy when he found himself in this isle, but for some reason the appeal just wasn't there as much as it used to be. This desire he suddenly felt, this nagging feeling in his chest, almost like his insides were praying for it, it got the better of him.

Grabbing a few bottles of whisky, rum and whatever else looked pleasing, he started for the checkout. After his goods had been purchased and bagged, he made his way back home and unloaded his groceries into their respective places. He kept one of the bottles out, his feelings from earlier failing to subside.

With everything organized and put away, he grabbed the bottle and pulled the top off, quickly sipping down the harsh liquid. He was met with the familiar warmth that came with this specific form of consumption, relishing in it as he did so. He pulled the bottle from his mouth, a soft smile working its way onto his face as he walked into his living room and sat down on the arm of the couch.

His lips smacked a few times as he took another drink, savoring the flavor. "Damn, that's good." He said to no one in particular. He looked around his old/new house with a new-found fondness, feeling as though everything was as it should be for once. "I actually...I feel kinda good. This is nice."

Careful though; You're gonna hate yourself in the morning if you kill off that bottle.

Ryan took another drink, letting out a happy sigh as he did so. "Joke's on you, asshole. I'm gonna hate myself in the morning no matter what."

Hehehehe

Ryan soon found himself laughing at his own comment. It was stupid, but he still found it funny. He looks back down at the bottle, placing it's lip against his, only to stop right there. The urge to go any further was slim and he just wasn't feeling it anymore. No longer was it a conflict though. It was more like he was satisfied with what little he had.

We should have someone over.

He removed the bottle from his lips once again, swallowing what little was in his mouth before responding. "Like who?"

I don't know, someone fun?

"I'll only be gone for a bit." Twilight explained to her loyal assistant, opening the door to her castle. "Shouldn't be too long, an hour tops."

"Don't worry, I've got everything under control." Spike said in a cocky tone, earning a giggle from the young alicorn.

"If you say so. I'll be back soon." Twilight left the castle, choosing to walk to her destination. Sure she could fly, but it was a nice day and she didn't mind the exercise.

There wasn't anything serious going on, she just felt like going out for a bit and maybe visiting one of her friends. With Thorax and Ember visiting the other day, she was too busy to actually go out and enjoy herself. Once they had been taken care of, she spent the rest of the day sorting her books. She could have asked Starlight to help, but this was something she liked to do on her own. In its own way, it was relaxing to her.

She silently thanked Celestia that Ryan hadn't come into town that day. As if things couldn't have played out better in the beginning, she was scared to think what would have happened should he have intervened. Then again, with how he's been lately, he probably would have ignored the whole thing.

Twilight remained lost in thought for a majority of her trip, playing out all of the different scenarios in her head. After going through everything she could think of, she tried to think of who the best pony to visit would be.

Applejack was usually busy this time of day with the orchard, Rarity would likely have orders to fill what with how much time she took off of work to make Ryan new clothes, and Rainbow Dash was usually a pain to find unless she came to you. This left Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.

Pinkie was closer, but might also be working today as well. Still though, it couldn't hurt just to pop in and say 'hi' as long as they weren't too busy. She almost didn't realize that she had made it to Sugar Cube Corner with how lost in thought she was. It was almost as if her legs had made up her mind for her during the walk.

Pulling herself back to reality, she entered the nice little bakery and went straight for the counter. There didn't seem to be many ponies inside, and there were none waiting to place an order. She was actually pretty surprised to see Mrs. Cake standing behind it instead of Pinkie.

"Good Morning, Princess Twilight!" The chubby mare greeted with a bright, shining smile. "What brings you in today?"

"Hello, Mrs. Cake." Twilight greeted respectively. "I was actually looking for Pinkie. Is she here?"

"I'm sorry, hun." Mrs. Cake began, "But, she left just a few minutes ago."

"Oh?" Twilight did a quick mental rundown of her friend's work schedule. "I thought she was supposed to work until closing today."

"She was, but she requested the day off." Mrs. Cake answered, not looking at all bothered about it. "And I can't say 'No' to her, not with how hard she works."

"Besides, she only wanted to so she could keep that human company." She explained, earning an odd look from the purple mare on the other side of the counter. "And of course I had to let her, knowing that. If I had to go through what he has lately, I would want a dear friend, like Pinkie, to keep me company too."

Twilight wasn't sure how to respond to that. It wasn't like what Mrs. Cake did wasn't unexpected, but more like what Ryan did was. "Do you know where they went?"

"I can't say I do." Mrs. Cake answered with a nod.

"Okay, thanks anyway."

After saying their goodbyes, Twilight left the bakery, stopping just outside to try and figure a few things out. "That's weird..." She said to herself. "It's not like Ryan to be the one looking for somepony." She continued on, looking back on what memories she had and what stories she's heard about him. "Normally we have to beat down his door just to get his attention."

Twilight absentmindedly started walking through town, slowly making her way to the outskirts. "Why would he actually want to see Pinkie, or anypony for that matter?" She couldn't seem to wrap her head around this little conundrum. More questions started piling up with no answers to follow. "On top of that, he's still hurt. Being around somepony so energetic would be painful. Why would he want to put himself through that?"

Before long she found herself standing just outside of the human's new home. Looking over it, she could see the almost identical appearance to the old one. The only difference between then and now was that it was much cleaner and there were a number of warm colored flowers lining the outside.

Though skeptical at first, she had already come this far and decided to press on. She walked up to the door, raising a hand to knock on it. However, a few loud bangs and a crash brought her to a stop. instantly her thoughts took a dark turn.

Being fearful for the human's well-being, she grabbed the handle and swung the door open. She found her heart rate slowing down as she spotted the human she had been worried about, pinning the bubbly pink friend she was looking for earlier, on the living room floor.

Ryan held the pink pony down with a triumphant smile adorning his face. "That's why you don't let your guard down."

Pinkie turned her attention away from the human, looking up toward her other friend. "Hi, Twilight!" She said in her usual happy tone, causing the human to look in her direction as well. Taking advantage of the interference, Pinkie turned the tables, throwing Ryan off of her before pinning him down with his arms above his head. "What did we learn?"

Ryan struggled for a moment, but submitted quickly after. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, you win."

Pinkie threw her arms up in a celebratory manner. "Woohoo!"

"Deception!" Ryan rebutted, using the same tactic as the pink mare to put himself on top of her once again.

"Hey, that's cheating!" Pinkie yelled.

"So is using adrenaline to fight off a pack of evil cyborgs, but that didn't stop Henry!"

Where the fuck did that come from?

"Uh, guys!" Twilight piped up, announcing her arrival. "What the hay are you doing?"

Ryan turned his attention to the alicorn, this time keeping his arms locked so the struggling earth pony wouldn't get the best of him again. "Wrestling; What does it look like?" He looked back down at Pinkie, "Say uncle!"

"Never!" Pinkie yelled in defiance. She stopped struggling when she noticed that he had released her arms from his grip, looking up at him with a confused expression. "Huh?"

"I said..." Ryan's brought his hands back down on her,wiggling his fingers all around her sides and under her arms. "Surrender!"

Pinkie entered the most obnoxious giggle/snorting fit he had ever heard in his entire life. Occasionally she would plead with him to stop, but it was almost incoherent with the frantic giggling. As annoying as he found it, it was kind of cute in its own way.

Ryan finally stopped his tickle assault when he noticed his arms were being consumed by a lavender glow. He inspected his body to see what was happening. Upon noticing no changes to himself, he turned his attention to the purple alicorn who was responsible for the glowing.

Twilight cut off her magic, giving the human a look of shock. "Your blood alcohol level is only at 0.03!" Any other time when she had to do this, his levels were nearly fatal, yet somehow he lived. Seeing him like this, and at such a low level, was beyond her comprehension. "How!?"

Ryan was confused as to why she was asking this, so he wasn't left with many options on how to answer. "I only had a few swigs of rum this morning?" Figuring he'd give the poor pink mare a break, he climbed off of her and stood up to face the mare at his door. "Why; Is that a problem?"

"No...It's the exact opposite!" She pretty much yelled as her brain started doing back flips in her head. This earned her an odd look from both the human and the pink pony now standing beside him. "I'm sorry. It's just...I've never seen you enjoy yourself so much unless you were intoxicated."

"What can I say? Today's been good to me." Ryan said with a shrug. "Woke up a little earlier than I would have liked, but aside from that, I've got no complaints."

"~They say I'm crazy, but I have a good time!" Pinkie sang, wrapping her arms around the human's neck and letting herself fall, almost bringing Ryan with her. He manages to keep himself up, causing her to swing until she was hanging right in front of him. "I'm just looking for clues at the scene of the crime! Life's been good to me so far!"

Ryan couldn't help but laugh at her a bit. The only reason she knew that song was because she found it in his phone a while back. At least, he hopes that's how she knows it. Given her reality-bending, spaghetti powers, it's hard to tell.

[DWK Reference!]
[Get out of my fourth wall!]

Twilight was still taken back by his behavior. On top of that, he hardly seemed to react when her friend used his body as a pole to swing around to get in front of him. She couldn't help but feel like that would hurt with his burns. Her sights went down to his arms, just noticing an extreme lack of burns.

Grabbing Pinkie, Twilight shoved her off of the human. She took one of his arms in her hand and looked it over, her expression showing her surprise. "They're gone!"

"Not entirely." Ryan corrected as she continued to inspect him, even going as far as to lift up his shirt to look over his chest and stomach. "I've still got a few rough spots, but they're hardly worth fussing over. I had to thank Tia and Lulu pretty much all night for that.

That subtle hint of last nights activities went right over the bookworm's head as she finished looking him over and took a step back. Her eyes moved to his smiling face, still finding it almost unfathomable how happy he looked despite everything that's taken place.

"Are you sure you haven't had more to drink?" Twilight asked, earning herself a somewhat displeased look from the human. "I didn't mean it in a bad way!" She quickly defended herself. "I'm sorry! I'm just not used to you acting like this when you're...sober."

Ryan offered her a nod, his expression still anything but happy. "That cuts deep, Twi." He said, cracking a smile at her. "But, I can't say I'm surprised. It's not like I've ever given you a reason to think otherwise." He took a few steps toward the alicorn, grabbing one of her hands and pulling her toward him. "But still, have a little faith." His other hand works its way around her...and grabs the door, closing it behind her. "And remember to close the door. You're letting bugs in."

Taking his hand away from hers, Ryan walks over to the kitchen, stopping just where the line from there to the living room is drawn.

Twilight feels like a jerk for making those assumptions and probably hurting his feelings. She came here to see if he and Pinkie were alright, and from the looks of it, they were until she showed up. Her ears lowered, but her face stayed strong as she turned and opened the door to leave.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Twilight stopped, peeking around the door to see Ryan standing there with a stern look on his face. "You're just gonna show up, belittle me, then leave?"

His words didn't help Twilight feel any better, instead they made her feel worse. "I guess I am."

"Fuck that! Get in here and hangout for a bit." Suddenly, Twilight became confused again. "I'm making lunch soon anyway, so you might as well stick around."

Twilight blinked a few times at this, watching in silence as Pinkie skipped past him and into the kitchen. "Did you just...ask me to hangout...and invite me to lunch in the same sentence?"

Ryan shot her an odd look. "Yeah; what of it?"

"It wasn't the same sentence!" Pinkie commented from the kitchen.

"Who cares!?" Ryan said, his attention shooting over to the pink mare who was now shuffling through his cabinets. "Hey! Get out of there, I'm cooking!" She didn't listen to him, causing the human to sigh with a slight amount of frustration. His eyes move back to the alicorn, who was still standing awkwardly in his doorway. "Let's go, Sparkle. You're letting the bugs in."

Twilight closed the door, remaining in the house as she tried to think of what would drive him to invite her, of all ponies, to stay over for a meal. Normally he couldn't stand to be around her out of fear that she would go on a rant about something and never stop talking.

"Are you sure you want me over; even after how I just spoke to you?" She asked, looking for some sort of semblance that this was the real Ryan Curtis she had come to know. "Because I can leave and I have plenty of food at home."

"I've been called worse, now shut up and get in here." There it was. "I'm not giving you a choice anymore." On that note, he turned on his heel and moved deeper into the kitchen. "Let's go!"

Twilight found it hard not to smile. Not only was she happy that he wasn't actually mad at her, but seeing him like this was a nice change of pace. His attitude still seemed to be there, but more...well-moderated? She couldn't find the words to describe it, but it was nicer than it once was.

Settling on the idea of no longer fighting him on it, she moved into the kitchen to join her friends. "So, what are we having."

"Mashed potatoes, corn bread, and fruit salad." Ryan answered, "I also found some bomb ass wine at the store today. I don't know if you guys will like it, but I sure as shit do."

Author's Note

From this point on; You;re gonna start to see some changes in our lovable, cynical friend. So be ready for that. That being said, I'm also gonna try working the comedy aspect back in, now that all of the bullshit is out of the way. It'll start off small, but I'll pick it up as much as I can without it looking rushed.

As always; If you're enjoying this story, be sure to slap that LIKE button like a bitch! Share it with your friends! And feel free to leave a comment below! Comments make me feel special :P

Phone Alarm:

Pinkie's Song:

A Dash Of...

The weather couldn't be better today. The sun was high and shining, its rays gracing the very ground it touched and warming them ever so slightly. Though the skies were clear on this fine day, there was on cloud that rested just a short distance from town. Unlike the usual straggler, which would normally be busted by one of the weather ponies; This cloud served a purpose.

Resting on said cloud was the rainbow haired pegasus that had decided to take a nap after a short day of work. Normally during these breaks she would take to catch up on some rest, that she always felt she deserved, she could peacefully sleep with little to nothing to bother her.

This was not the case this time around.

Rather than there being some sort of external conflict, whether it be a rampaging monster, a friendship problem, or something as complex as Pinkie's mere existence, what bothered her now was something else.

While lost in the throes of slumber, her body would twitch and shake at random. The expression on her face was anything but pleasant as well. Her features were scrunched and gave her a disturbed, and even scared, look. This lasted all of one minute before she finally shot up, her eyes opening wide and holding a panicked look to them.

Despite having been asleep, her breathing made it sound as though she had just run a marathon. She was scanning the entire area around her, as if she were looking for something. Once she was able to recollect where she was and that everything was fine, she took a calming breath to relax herself.

Rainbow curled her legs until they were against her chest, resting her head on her knees. "It was just a dream..." She muttered to herself, "It was just a dream..."

These nightmares have been plaguing her for days, ever since that fire. It was always the same thing over and over again.

She's flying as fast as she can, tearing through the front of the house and dragging Ryan out of the other side with her. He isn't breathing, so she goes to revive him. No matter what she does though, he doesn't wake up; Leaving her in the center of a small crowd, crying her eyes out as she holds her alien friend's burnt and lifeless body in her arms.

It takes a few minutes, but she finally shakes the thoughts of what could have happened from her head and gets on to her feet. From the looks of it, the cloud hadn't moved an inch since she turned it into her personal napping area. Just below her is a small field, and beyond that is Ponyville.

Angling her head slightly to the side, she spots the house of her human friend. Instantly she is met with a flashback of that night again, staring at it from the darkening skies as the burning structure tore a hole in the darkness. She remembered that sinking feeling in her stomach, the adrenaline that took her over in body and mind as she flew at it with everything she had before-

Rainbow's hands shot up, grabbing the sides of her head as she shook it almost violently as if to literally shake the images out of her mind. Turning her attention back to the house, she couldn't help but feel a sense of dread. Even though nothing seemed out of the ordinary, part of her was screaming at her to go there and make sure her friend was okay.

Fighting against her random fears, she turned away from the house, trying to find something to take her mind off of it. "Keep it together, Dash. There's nothing to worry about. He's. Fine."However no matter how hard she fought, the memories of his house in flames continued to burn up the most active parts of her brain and drawing her back. "For fuck sake!"

With a hard kick, the cloud she had been using as a temporary bed was dispersed. He wings quickly spread out, letting her glide with ease across the sky and land just a few feet from the human's doorstep. After folding in her wings, and fighting off some last second thoughts, she went up to the door and knocked.

There was some shuffling and then the sound of feet meeting wood slowly moving closer. The door finally opened to reveal the hairless creature. His hair was a mess and he was dressed only in a pair of soft, flannel pajama bottoms.

Ryan looked out at the cyan pegasus, rubbing some of the sleep from his eyes as he did so. "Hey, Dash..." He barely said through a yawn. "What's up?"

"Ryan..." Rainbow began, her eyes wide with shock. "You look...good." Aside from a few red marks here and there, his body was completely fine. She found this surprising, considering the last time she saw him was when he was still being wrapped up in gauze.

Ryan looked down at himself, taking in the progress his body has made. "Yeah, I'm doing a lot better." He went back to facing her, almost laughing at her expression. "A little willpower, some magic, and a whole of pain later and I'm fit as a fiddle."

After letting his rather pleasant appearance settle, she was able to speak again. "Sorry about showing up unannounced." She quickly stated, knowing he didn't like spontaneous company. "I know how you get when-"

"It's fine, don't worry about it." He interrupted, earning another look of surprise from the mare.

"It is?" She asked almost skeptically. Normally he would yell at ponies for just showing out of the blue. "Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." There was a short, awkward silence between them, causing the pegasus mare to rub her arm uncomfortably. "I guess I'll leave now."

Just as she turned to leave, she felt one of his furless hands reach out and grab her. She turned back to face him, glancing down at the hand on her shoulder.

"Why leave?" Ryan inquired, "Why not come in and chill for a bit?"

Again, Dash was finding it hard to speak. It wasn't like him to be the one asking for company. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I don't have anything going on today." Tilting his head to the side, Ryan look up at the clear blue sky above town. "And from the looks of it, you shouldn't be too busy."

Rainbow Dash could feel one of her eyes and even one of her ears twitch. Something about this just seemed...not wrong, but it was different. In a good way though. "Y-yeah! Sure, why not."

Ryan stepped to the side to allow her entry into his home. Closing the door behind her, he made his way to the kitchen. "You want something to drink?"

"Do you have any cider?" She asked, knowing full-well that he liked to keep a stock of the stuff. The problem usually was just getting him to share.

"Yes I do."

Making her way to the couch, Dash plopped down and let out a satisfied sigh. Just knowing that her alien friend was alright would have been enough to settle her nerves, so he was pretty much spoiling her at this point.

When Ryan came into the living room, two bottles of cider in hand, he took a seat beside the relaxed looking mare. He places one of the bottles in her lap before twisting the cap off of his own and taking a quick drink.

Rainbow follows his example, taking the cap off and having a sip of the refreshing beverage before setting it down on the table and leaning back into the cushions. She was half-tempted to close her eyes and continue her nap, but found herself unable to do so.

Curiosity setting in, Ryan found himself unable to turn his attention elsewhere. His eyes locked onto hers, "So what brings you 'round here today?"

"I just felt like checking up on you." She answered with only half-honesty, shifting in her seat a bit to face the human and shooting him a teasing look. "Why? Am I not allowed to see you anymore?"

She really shouldn't be anywhere NEAR this house.

"If I decided to press charges for all the damage you've caused here, you wouldn't be." Ryan said, playing along with her. He knew she was hiding something though. He could always tell just by looking at her when there was something bothering her. "Are you sure that's the only reason?"

Rainbow Dash held her poker face for as long as she could, but knew it would be in vain. Once the human was set on something, that was that, and he would continue to pry even if it killed him. Letting out a defeated sigh, she turned away from his gaze. "I was worried about you..."

Raising a brow at her, he questioned what she would have to worry about. After all, he was Ryan Curtis, the human that fell from nearly four stories in the sky when he arrived in this world and lived to tell the tale. "Why?"

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hide the hurt that was just barely showing through her face. "I keep having this dream. Every time I go to sleep it pops up, taking me back to the night you almost died." There was a pain in her chest as she said this. It was one thing to think about it, but to actually bring it up caused her some discomfort. "It always plays out the same way; I go in, pull you out, and try to wake you." Her hands found their way to each other, locking fingers as her thumbs roughly dragged over each other and her eyes were brimming with tears with that she refused to shed. "But I can't...I can't get you to wake up."

Finally releasing her hands from each other, she uses one to wipe her eyes dry. "I know it's stupid to think about it. I should be happy that you're okay. But, I just can't stop thinking about what would have happened if you didn't wake up."

Seeing her like this hurt Ryan in ways he didn't think possible. At that point in time, during the fire, all he was focused on was his rage and the anger he held for himself. Not even for a second did he think about how his death would affect his friends. Despite his attempts failing, and him still managing to pull through and stay alive, they were still hurting. What he thought would be a joyous occasion for everypony, actually turned into something worse. The pain that tormented them for him having felt that way, and going to such an extreme to make it stop, was destroying them from the inside.

And once again, we have managed to fuck up. Way to be...

These thoughts started to weigh heavily on Ryan, only making him feel worse about the whole situation. For the longest time after the fire, he wished that it would have consumed him and brought his reign of terror to a stop. Now, he almost wished that he never started it to begin with. Seeing how it was tearing ponies like Rainbow apart was making his heart ache with regret.

Ryan was pulled out of his thoughts as he felt a pressure on his chest. Not in it, but literally on it.

Looking down, he spotted a large number of rainbow colored hairs resting on his skin as the one they were attached to nestled into his sternum.

"I'm sorry." Rainbow choked out as tears rolled down the human's torso. "I just...I don't want to lose you. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

The mare continued to burrow deeper into him, earning a sort of half-smile from Ryan. He didn't know why he ever tried to get away from these ponies. They all cared so much for him, but he was so blinded by his own ignorance and bullshit that he couldn't see it. It was refreshing to have that veil removed from his eyes and to see how much they actually wanted him to stay.

Sometimes darkness will show you the light...God dammit, even in different universes David Draiman continues to be a fucking god!

Rainbow Dash lifts her head upon feeling the human's fingers gently pinch and rub one of her ears, easing her into a somewhat calmer state. Angling her head upward, her large eyes lock onto his smiling face; Noticing that he almost looked like he was going to cry. His hand moves from her ear to her chin, pulling her face closer to his.

Their lips meet for a short, but sweet kiss, breaking slowly as they gazed into the others eyes.

Ryan held his smile as best as he could, but it was becoming difficult. "I've been so fucking selfish. All this time I've only focused on how mad I was at myself that I became blind to all of the love that surrounded me."

"I don't know why it took me this long to realize it, but I love you guys so much." He had to bite his lip for a minute to keep himself composed. "I wish I could go back and change it, I really do. But, I can't. All I can do is say that I'm sorry and that I'll never do anything like that again."

"I swear to you, so long as I can help it, You will NOT lose me." It took Rainbow everything in her power not to glomp him, her emotions were a destructive mixture of sadness and joy as she listened to her friend speak. "And I will do everything in my power to keep myself from losing you, or anypony else for that matter."

That being the straw to break the camel's back, Rainbow couldn't contain herself anymore. In the blink of an eye, she was on top of Ryan, knocking him onto the floor as she tackled him and forced him to the most oddly proportioned cuddling position he had ever partaken in, willing or otherwise.

His eyes went wide for a while as he laid on the floor, the cyan pegasus lying uncomfortably on his chest and letting her emotions pour out onto him.

Several hours passed as the two laid peacefully down, both lost to the realm of sleep. The human rested with his back still against the floor while the mare he had been comforting a few hours prior remained nestled on his chest.

Against his own wishes, Ryan's eyes opened, taking in the interior of the now dark room. Glancing out of a window, he could just barely make out the sun setting in the distance and the moon rising up to take its place.

"Fuck..." He groaned, laying his head back on the solid surface. "Brain, status report."

*Yawn* Nothing out of the ordinary. But, your back is gonna hate you tomorrow if you don't move to something more comfortable.

Letting out a breath, Ryan angled his head down to see Rainbow still sleeping peacefully on top of him. Reaching down, he grabs one of her shoulders and gives her a light shake. "Hey, hot-head. Get up."

Rainbow lets out a loud snort and lifts her head, smacking her lips together as her tired eyes looked about the room. "W-wha?" Was all she managed to get out before unleashing the most adorable yawn he had ever seen. "What's going on?"

"Get up, we're moving." Ryan said as firmly as he could i his drowsy state. "My back is killing me right now."

Dash reluctantly climbed off of her human body pillow and got to her feet, nearly falling over as she tried to reacquaint herself with the waking world. "What time is it?"

Getting up shortly after her, Ryan grabs his phone off of the table. The light is enough to make him squint heavily, but he manages to get a look at the clock just before going completely blind. "Eight thirty." He kills the light from the phone, but continues holding on to it. "Normally I'm wide awake, but that nap just fucking butchered any chance of me staying up. I'm going to bed."

Ryan started for his bedroom, stopping when he noticed a lack of movement coming from behind him. "You coming?"

"Huh?" Dash was still lost in her tired thoughts, shaking her head to wake her up a bit more. "Yeah, right behind ya."

The two proceeded into the small bedroom, Ryan setting his phone on the small table next to his bed before climbing under the blankets. Dash joined him shortly after, walking to the other side of the bed then climbing in. She had long since settled with the idea of retaking her place on the human's chest, letting her head and half of her torso rest on top of him as he pulled the covers over her and laid his head on a pillow.

His hand absentmindedly moves to her mane, petting and scratching her scalp once it found a comfortable spot to rest. She let out a content hum at his actions, nuzzling against his body as if to tell him to continue. He obeyed and continued playing with her mane, nearly falling back to sleep.

"Ryan," Although she was tired, Rainbow found her thoughts traveling about. Rather than focusing on her fears though, they seemed to be centered around one particular incident that took place a good while ago. "I never really got around to saying this, but I'm sorry."

Ryan's eyes opened slowly, doing what he could to stay conscious long enough to figure out what she was apologizing for. "For what?"

"What happened when I thought we were dating." She explained, "I was so caught up in my feelings for you that I forgot you knew next to nothing about pony culture, let alone pegasi mating rituals. I had no right to act the way I did, and I'm sorry."

Even if he wasn't as tired as he was, he could honestly say that he didn't care. He had gotten over all of that a while ago and had almost forgotten that it happened. "Don't worry about it. I think it's pretty clear that both of us have made our fair share of mistakes."

"Ain't that the truth." She added with a small laugh.

Although things didn't go as planned in the mare's eyes, Ryan couldn't help but notice how well they worked together. Despite having no idea that they were dating, everything played out better than he would have expected. They could hangout nonstop and still find ways to keep things interesting and on top of that she was quite the looker.

His exploits with the other mares was alright, but there was always something that would drag it down. Rarity was a pony he felt particularly close to, in the sense that he knew he could trust her with just about anything. She was kind, generous, and could kick ass when the need arose. However, her refined demeanor and his less-than-defined attitude had tested their friendship on more than one occasion.

He respected the hell out of Applejack and was more than happy to plow her field on request. She was strong, honest, and she was a mare who could get shit done. That being said, she was also a bit too eager to please, while he could give less of a fuck. Things she took seriously, he would laugh off, which had led to some conflict with them as well.

Pinkie was definitely an interesting one. While fun, caring, and overall the arguably happiest creature to exist, he could only stand so much of her before the urge to put a bullet in his head became too much. It’s great to be happy and bubbly, but when you do it so consistently and hyperactively, it becomes toxic.

Dash was in no better a standpoint than them. When it came to loyalty, she was at the top of her game. That and being able to take a joke and give back just as much made her entertaining to be around. Her hot-headed nature had a bad habit of getting the best of her though and sometimes she was so caught up in herself that she would forgot the most basic levels of common sense.

Looking at it with the perspective of a lasting relationship; Rarity would probably be the longest. But, with their clashing personalities, their moods would be so bipolar it could put the entire mental health system to shame.

Applejack would probably fare well, but his lazy-gene would tend to get the best of him from time to time. That could probably lead to some issues down the line which would build up and inevitably end in disaster.

Pinkie probably wouldn't do too well. Not that the relationship itself would be bad, more like the repercussions of trying to appease her would become cancerous to no end. By the end of the first month he'd either lose his sanity or die of type two diabetes.

With Dash though, it would likely be a shit-storm worth sitting through. Aside from the obvious differences, they tend to behave pretty similarly. This kept things simple between them, if all the times they hung out, before the big fight mind you, is anything to go by. There would still be conflict here and there, but nothing that would damage them long-term. If anything, with how alike they were, most conflicts could be easily resolved, or help each of them grow and learn something new about themselves.

Ryan was actually rather surprised with himself. Not even he noticed how well he was keeping track of his relationships with them. He also never thought that he would actually consider settling down with just one mare. It sure as hell wasn't a thought he had back on earth. There, it was just easier to have a fuck-buddy than to deal with the bullshit and try to keep a stable relationship.

"Ryan?" Rainbow piped up, interrupting the human's train of thought and pulling him back to reality. He blinked a few times and saw that she was looking up at him with a bit of concern reflecting in her eyes. "Are you okay? You've been staring at me quietly for almost five minutes now."

"Yeah, I'm fine." He answered, still going through a few thoughts privately to figure out what his next step would be. "I was just thinking too much."

"What about?" She inquired, her concern being replaced with an adorable amount of inquisitiveness.

Ryan leaned back into his pillow, staring up at the ceiling as his thoughts continued to remain in battle with themselves. "I don't even need to ask if you remember the whole feather incident; But what if I accepted, knowing what it meant? How do you think things would have played out?"

This question caught Rainbow off-guard, causing her to blush slightly as she considered a few possibilities. "W-well, I would hope that it would have gone well." She answered, still playing through a few scenarios in her head. "I would think that, by now, I would have moved in with you. Not completely, though. I'd probably be staying here more often than not, but keep my place for when I need some me time."

Wait, are we seriously doing this?

Unknown to her, one of Ryan's hands was sneaking its way down her back. "Aside from that, I don't think a whole lot would have changed between us. I think, if anything, I'd just be spending more time with-Ow!"

Rainbow turned her head to see one of the human's arms raising up to his face, a single blue feather locked between his index finger and thumb. "What was that for?" She asked with a glare, watching as he analyzed the feather. Her features calmed some when she noticed that he was holding one of her primaries. Confusion set in, but also a hint of excitement? "What are you doing?"

"Nothing..." Fighting off some last second thoughts, Ryan tucked the feather behind his ear, locking it in place as it became pinched between his ear and his head. It was at a bit of an awkward angle, given the fact that there was a pillow under his head and the feather was pretty big, but he made it work.

Dash's blush returned tenfold as her brain tried to process what he had just done. Then again, he still wasn't an expert in pony culture. The least she could do was try to educate him before jumping to conclusions. She did NOT want a repeat of last time.

"You do know that; Doing that pretty much means you're trying to force somepony into a relationship, right?" She asked, being almost positive that he was as clueless as ever.

"I figured as much." He responded, causing the pegasus' brain to do cartwheels.

Placing her arms to the bed, Rainbow lifted her entire up half up, threateningly locking her eyes onto his as her head hovered above him. "If this is a joke, it isn't funny."

"Am I laughing?" He asked rhetorically, not showing a whole lot of emotion either physically or vocally.

This didn't seem right to Rainbow, this had to be a joke. He wasn't really insinuating- "This is a joke, it has to be. You said yourself that-" She fell silent as the human sat up and pressed his lips against hers, grabbing onto her shoulders to give himself better leverage. Still holding tight to her, he breaks kiss, looking up at her with a smile. "Y-you...You're serious?"

"As a heart attack."

Rainbow pushed herself back, sitting on her knees right next to him. She placed her hands over her mouth, stifling a few half-cry/half-laughs as happy tears started rolling down her face. For the second time in the last twenty-four hours, she glomped him, burying her smiling face into his chest while her arms wrapped snugly around his midsection.

Literal lack of breathing room aside, Ryan found her response to be the most heart exploding thing ever. Content to let things rest as they were, he leaned back into his pillow and continued his earlier ritual of petting and scratching her head.

She hummed in delight, keeping her face pressed comfortably against his body. "How can you be such a dick, but still manage to make me so happy?"

Ryan closed his eyes and shrugged. "I don't know, maybe you're just easy." This answered earned him a playful punch from the mare, which he laughed at. "Give me a break, I'm almost human for Christ sake."

Pity us

You already made that reference!

Fuck off! I will beat you with a cheese grater!

Author's Note

This wasn't how I expected this chapter to go! They were just supposed to meet up and have a quick and cute heart-to-heart. But, my brain kept going, my fingers kept typing, and I couldn't stop it! Now they're a thing and I don't wanna go back and delete it all and-
THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!
Why brain!? Why do you do this to me!?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, A quick thanks to

DekaSkittalz

for editing this monster. Much appreciated, buddy!

As usual; If you enjoyed this chapter, be sure to slap that LIKE button like a bitch, share with friends, and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Weeble and Wobble

Several jewels levitated onto a very refined looking dress, quickly being stitched into place by Rarity's professional hand. Taking a step back, she eyes it from multiple different angles, feeling as though something were off about it. It had the flare she was going for, but didn't carry the umpf needed to make it truly eye-popping. Her face scrunches in concentration as she holds a hand to her chin, imagining many different additions she could make to give it that desired, attention-grabbing touch it desperately needed.

She hummed to herself; The possibilities were endless. Glancing at the clock, she took note that it was fairly early in the morning. Once again, she had kept herself up all night to bring one of her many visions to life. Letting out a sigh, she set down all of the materials in her magical hold and exited her workshop. If she had been at it all night, she at least owed herself a small break.

Despite having literally been up all night, there was hardly an ounce of thought being put into going to sleep. She didn't feel tired at all. Then again, this wasn't the first time she had done this. Perhaps she was just getting used to staying up all night. While that isn't particularly a good thing, it wasn't that bad either. And doing this helped keep her mind off of that camping trip. It was worth it in the end, but it could have gone better to begin with.

Moving to her bathroom, she looks over herself in a mirror; Quickly noticing how disheveled and unkempt she looked. Some of her bug bites were even showing through her foundation. That simply would not do! With an amazing amount of speed and precision, she managed to make herself presentable on the spot. It created a small mess of everything within her range, but nothing that couldn't be cleaned up relatively quickly.

Rarity leaves the bathroom, going into her bedroom to throw on a clean set of clothes. Deciding to go for something simple, she threw on a pair of simple, but stylish leggings and a white ruffle shirt.

Now that she looked both clean and stylish, she could get started on the rest of her day...Which was actually pretty open. Come to think of it, her work schedule was pretty much empty for today. Tomorrow was a different story, but still, nothing going on for now.

Taking another look at her clock, she realized that it had taken her a lot longer to get prettified than she had originally thought. Nearly an entire hour!

Then again, you can't rush perfection.

With nothing to get done at the moment, she could go visit one of her friends. It's been nearly a full week since she's seen Ryan, even longer since he's given her a good rutting. He may not quite be in top condition, but maybe it'll make him feel better. After all, he's got a reputation as the kind of guy to fuck anything that moves when he's stressed.

This way of thinking could come off as greedy on her end, but she hardly saw it that way since they would both be getting something they wanted. Who knows, maybe it'll even wear her down enough to get her to sleep.

"It's as good a reason as any, I suppose." She said to herself, going in her closet to go through her more private ensembles for the occasion.

After a bit of searching, she was able to pack some sexy clothing, and a few other knick knacks to keep things interesting, into a thick, purse-like bag so they would be hidden from the public eye.

With a bit of pep in her step for the events to come, Rarity strutted through town in search of her temporary plaything. Her legs eventually brought her to the human's not-so-humble abode. Of course she had to stop before getting to the door and analyze the house. It was no surprise that he had them build it to look almost identical to what it used to be. She still felt as though it would look better with a few decorations. The flowers were a nice touch, but he could still do so much more with it.

Making her way to the door, she offers a few gentle knocks and waits patiently for an answer. The door is opened rather quickly, revealing a certain rainbow maned pegasus with a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth.

"Hey, Raresh." Rainbow greets with a bit of a lisp, grabbing the brush and continuing to clean her palette. "Waz uph?"

"Oh!" Rarity was kind of surprised to see one of her pony friends here, but not dramatically. "Good morning, darling. What are you doing here so early?"

Pulling the brush from her mouth, Dash leans outside, angling her head away from the unicorn before spitting on the ground. "I stayed over last night." She said nonchalantly, placing the brush back into her mouth and going over her teeth with it again. "Wah bringsh you here?"

Rarity wore a somewhat disgusted look from her friends actions, but then again, she probably should have expected that from her. "I was hoping to find Ryan so he could-"

Before Rarity could completely unfurl what she had intended to do with the human, a tumbling sound cut her off. At first, she didn't know where it was coming from. It didn't take too long to find the source though.

Both ponies look up at the ceiling just as something fell from the roof, letting out a rather girly shriek as it fell to the ground.

"Ow..." Ryan managed to breath out in a pained tone, laying flat with his back to the ground.

Remember when you asked me 'What's the worst that could happen?'
That...That was the worst.

The two are left staring at their alien friend with wide eyes as he slowly pulls himself back to his feet; Previously mentioned friend giving both of them a dirty look as he did so. "Well, don't everybody come running at once. I'm sure he's fine." He all but growled, arching his back until it let out several painful pops. "Sweet, Christ!"

Shaking herself out of whatever trance she was stuck in, Rarity ran to the rescue with Rainbow right behind her. "Ryan; Dear, are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." He grunts, testing his limbs to make sure nothing was out of place. Thankfully, everything seemed to be functioning properly. "I don't think I broke anything, so I'll live."

Give it time, I’m sure you’ll fuck something up

Finally getting a good look at the human, Rarity noticed that he appeared to be completely healthy. Healthy, in meaning that, he no longer had any visible burns on his body. "Ryan, you look-"

Not wanting to go through that whole thing again, as he already had three times now, Ryan made sure to cut her off and fill her in with as little detail as possible. "Yeah, I know! I look fucking amazing. Magic is great, yada-yada-yada."

Rarity was going to reprimand him for having an attitude with her, but stopped before she could even begin. Her attention was instantly drawn to a blue feather tucked behind his ear. She knew about his romantic history with Rainbow Dash, and the mistake he had unknowingly made. Surely he had learned his lesson after all of that drama. Which begs the question; Why is he in possession of her feather?

Leveling a finger toward said feather, Rarity shoots him a questioning look. "Why do you have a feather in your ear?"

Stepping past her, Rainbow throws a possessive arm around the human, smiling smugly at the unicorn as she pulls the toothbrush from her muzzle. "Cause he and I have officially started dating."

Ryan shoots the pegasus a look before looking back at the purple maned mare and offering a confirming nod.

A blush spread across Rarity's face as she absorbed this bit of information. "W-wha? When did this start?"

"A few days ago." Dash answered, testing her teeth with her tongue to make sure they were to her liking.

Rarity blinked a few times before responding. "How come you didn't say anything?" She asked, mostly out of annoyance. For Celestia's sake, she was on her way to sleep with him! "We went camping together, you had all day to fill me in!"

"I think you know why we didn't have time to really do anything." Rainbow shot back, recalling the day before as something that was less-than-ideal. "Why are you getting so worked up about it anyway?"

"Because I-" Rarity stopped, choking on her own words as they almost left her mouth. "N-no reason! I-I just...like to keep up with gossip!"

Glancing down, Ryan couldn't help but to be curious about what she was holding. "What's with the bag?"

"It's nothing!" Rarity all but shouted, reeling an arm back in an attempt to hide the large sack. "I was...just about to drop off an importantly delivery. I just thought that I'd come check on you first."

Ten bits says that it's a full of dildos.

"Anyway, I really should be off. I have a very busy schedule ahead of me." Rarity lied, doing everything in her power to avoid sticking around with her bag of sex stuff by her side. "Goodbye!" And on that note, she was gone. Moving almost as fast as Pinkie as she sprinted away from them.

Ryan watch the unicorn take off with a raised brow. "What the hell's her problem?"

Maybe she had to take a shit?

"Beats me." Rainbow answered with a shrug, walking back into the house with her human coltfriend following behind her. "I don't have to work today; Weather is supposed to stay clear for a while. As long as we don't get any stranglers floating in, then I'm free."

Ryan closed the door as they entered the house and came to a stop in the living room. "Okay, you feel like doing something?"

"I'm down to hangout at the bar later, if you're free."

"Do you even have to ask?"

Rainbow shot him a smirk, "I thought you'd be down." Walking back to the bathroom, she cleans off the toothbrush she's been using and places it to the side. "So we've got a plan for later. Any idea what we could do until then?"

Ryan, now wearing his own smirk, sneaks up behind the pegasus and grabs her by the waist. "I could think of a few things."

A few hours after the two had their fun, and took a much needed shower, they made their way to the small bar that was basically hidden from the public eye. Unlike last time though, it wasn't ladies night.

Thank God! After last time, the only dick I ever want to see again is our own.

With Rainbow Dash in tow, Ryan made a Beeline for the bar, taking a seat in one of the stools while his marefriend took one right beside him.

Ryan held up a pair of fingers at the barkeep. "I need two beers and four shots of the strongest whisky you've got." Lowering his hand, the human waits patiently for the drinks and turns his attention to his mare. "This gonna be casual, or are we getting fucked up?"

Dash turns her head away from him, but only to glance at the bartender setting their drinks down in front of them. "Why make a plan? I say, let's just do what we do and see what what happens." She responded casually. Right after that, her expression shifted and she had a very competitive glint in her eye. "Unless you wanna make it interesting."

"What did you have in mind?" Ryan asked, his head slightly cocked to the side as he spoke.

With a rather cocky smile, Rainbow grabs one of the shots and pulls it close to her. "Ten bits say that I can drink you under the counter."

"You realize that I've already beaten you like twelve times, right?" Ryan asked with a raised brow. He was sure she had learned her lesson about challenging him to the game of 'Drink', especially after last time. He could still hear the sound of her heaving in the depths of his mind. It wasn't easy to miss it with her being over his shoulder and all. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Twenty bits!" She shot back, almost positive she could beat him this time.

Nodding his head, the human reached out and grabbed one of the shots. "Alright, but I ain't carrying you this time."

That was my favorite shirt!

In the interest of fairness, Ryan had taken to using larger shot glasses so that the cocky mare could at least stand a chance. The two went at it for nearly half an hour, doing shot after shot and completely disregarding the beers Ryan had ordered prior. Just as those beers had been left behind, so had any amount of shame or common sense that either of them had. Before much longer, they had to call it quits; The bartender deciding that they have had enough for tonight.

Ryan glared at the pony behind the counter, leveling an angry finger at him. This act took him a hot minute to follow through with, as he found his hand stuck in a mountain of beads that hung from his neck. "You! Y-you...you..." His glare pretty much melted right there and his stance became noticeably less aggressive. "You're right! Um, hhhaaaa..." Unable to form any further coherent words, the human shakily reached into his pocket, throwing a handful of bits onto the counter. "'Merica!"

With one half-lidded eye, Rainbow turned to face the human just in time to watch him fall out of his chair. Getting to her feet, she nearly fell over as well. It would seem that the world has gone a tad lopsided and it was keeping her slightly off-balance.

"Brian! B-Bri-Bri...Bryan." Rainbow barely managed to get out, stumbling her way over to the collapsed human. "C'mon, get up." She ushered, reaching down to grab him by the shirt. It wasn't until her hand met his bare skin that she realized he was completely topless, aside from the colorful beads around his neck. "Lez go!"

With a bit more effort than usual, Ryan gets back to his feet and makes for the door with a bit of wobble in his steps. Walking beside his marefriend, they all-but-casually strolled through the empty streets of Ponyville with no specific location in mind.

W-we may have...overdone it...with the triple-shots. At least the alcohol makes us a decent singer.

"The only 'craic' you'll get is a slap in the ear!" Ryan sang aloud, sounding nowhere near as good as his mind claimed. "Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug if you draw one more shamrock in me beer!" Attempting to break into an Irish jig, the human quickly found himself plummeting face-first into the dirt. "Ow..."

Rainbow couldn't keep herself from laughing at the clumsy drunk, nearly toppling over her own movements as she helped him back to his feet. "You're f-*hic*-king adorable."

"Bitch, I'm beautiful!" He retorted, placing a hand to the side of an empty stand to keep himself up. "Oh, dear God..."

"H-hey, are you okay?" Dash asked with drunken concern.

I know you didn't listen to me last time I said this, but seriously. Don't. Fuckin'. Do it-

In the blink of an eye, Ryan's body was leaning over the stand. Dash took a step back, her ears falling flat against her head as the human emptied the contents of his stomach in a few short, but painful heaves.

You never listen!

Ryan brought himself off of the desecrated stand, groaning all the while. "Party foul!"

Grabbing his hand, Rainbow all but drags him away from the present he left for whatever poor bastard owned that stall. They continued onward, the human still being pretty much forced to follow behind the pony holding his hand.

Taking a moment to look around, he noticed that he wasn't entirely sure where they were going. It could be all the booze in his system, but he could have sworn they weren't going toward his house. In fact, he felt as though they were going the exact opposite direction.

"Where the fuck are *burp* are you taking us?"

"We're going to Fluttershee's." Rainbow answered with a bit of a slur. "If you're sick, then she's the pony that can...sh-she's...she can help."

Fluttershy's eyes slowly forced themselves open, the tired pegasus pulling herself up with a groan and rubbing the sleep from her eyes with a closed hand. She let out a questioning hum at the sound of somepony knocking on her door. Glancing out of her window, she could just make out how late it was. Why would anypony be up at this hour?

Climbing out of bed, the naked mare slowly went to her closet to slide on a light pink night gown to cover herself up before walking down the stairs. Stopping in front of the door, she looked through the small peephole to see who it was. The dark kept whoever was out there hidden, but she could make out two silhouettes standing just outside. Both of which seemed to be having trouble keeping still.

There were a thousand questions buzzing around in her mind, but she figured that the answers wouldn't come until she at least figured out who it was.

"Who is it?" She asked groggily.

"Dash!" A fairly masculine voice responded. "It's me! Open the fucking door!"

"I'm right here, you stupid!" Dash's voice retorted.

"Oh...right...Where are we again?"

By now, Fluttershy's face was already scrunched in confusion. She recognized both voices almost immediately, but something about them sounded off. Unlocking the door, she opened it to find two of her friends standing outside. Both of them were looking at her, their eyes barely managing to stay open. The stench of sweat and alcohol was practically glued to their being, tearing into the shy pegasus' nostrils with a vengeance.

"H-hey...you..." Ryan began, once again forgetting her name as he walked closer to the door. "Y-y-ellow...Yellow Quiet! W-what...what's uh-" Before he could finish his statement, the topless and intoxicated human fell forward. His body hit the door with enough force to knock the quiet mare back a few steps before colliding with the ground with a loud thump!

Rainbow tried to roll her eyes at him, but became dizzy by doing so. "Dammit, Ryan! You-you need to l-learn how to-" Attempting to walk in, the cyan pony collapsed as well, landing hard on her flank. "Ow! My butt!"

"I can't feel mah face..." The human groaned, his face still pressed against the floor.

Staring down at her fallen friends, Fluttershy found herself in a bit of a conundrum. While her typically kind nature pleaded for her to help them, her more assertive self demanded that she knock some sense into them.

This internal war was short lived though, as Ryan rolled onto his back to reveal his now bleeding face. "Ryan, you're hurt!" She dove to his side, forcing him to sit up as she looked over his features. "Oh dear, I think you broke your nose."

Ryan waved a dismissive hand to his concerned friend. "Don't worry, iz fine." He lifted both of his hands, placing them on the damaged feature. "I got this!"

"Wait!" Fluttershy cried, her pleas falling upon deaf ears as a sickening crack tore through her ear drums. The sound was enough to make her cringe, but the following scream nearly caused her to leap out of her skin.

Dash's only reaction was the slight squinting of one of her eyes, her ears falling back as well as she watched her human coltfriend. "Damn..."

Once Fluttershy had calmed down, and Ryan had removed his hands from his face, she looked over him again. It was still bleeding pretty badly, but other than that he looked fine. "Hold on, let me get a rag."

Running into the other room, Fluttershy searched frantically for something she could use to stop the bleeding. It took nearly a full minute of sifting through drawers and cabinets, but she finally found what she was looking for. Grabbing an old dishrag, that she'll never be able to use after this, she runs it under some warm water in the sink and strains the excess out.

With the rag prepared for her to use as her treatment impliment, she makes her way back to her main room to find a rather peculiar sight. Aside from her, there wasn't a single pony in the room, nor human for that matter. The only evidence of their presence being the wide open front door and a few drops of blood on her floor.

Standing right outside of Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow was throwing small rocks at Pinkie's window and failing to hit it even once. She tried to fly up to it earlier, but those attempts ended rather painfully. While she was doing that, the human was trying to find his own way of getting the bubbly pink mare to wake up.

Ryan stood with his bare chest against the door, his arms raised above his head and lightly pounding against the wooden barricade. "Ponka, open up!" He yelled, receiving nothing in response. "I jauhn a muffin..."

"I don't think it's working." Rainbow concluded, tossing the rest of her rocks onto the ground. "Let's just, like...go home or somethin."

Wait! I know what we can do...

Ryan suddenly wore a look of determination as he walked away from the door. "Stand back, hot stuff." He said, shoving Rainbow to the side. Once he was a good distance away, he turned around to face the bakery. His eyes squinted in concentration, his legs bending at the knees. His hands rose up, curled into fists with his pinkies sticking up as he placed one on either side of his head, giving him a not-so-bull-like appearance. A huff escapes his nose, one of his feet start to dig at the ground beneath him.

The human takes a breath then breaks into a full sprint, his body angled forward as he starts running straight for the bakery's front door. "LEROY!!! JENKI-AHLBUMNUPH!!!"

If his mind weren't as far gone as it were, this unfortunate event probably would have hurt more.

Thank God for alcohol!

Just as he was about to hurl himself into the standing structure's sealed entrance, he stumbled over his own feet, causing him to fly forward and hit the ground. The momentum that followed him kept his body moving, via rolling, before inevitably smashing into the front of the building and bringing him to a stop. "...Owie..."

Eyes wide at the spectacle before her, Rainbow dashed to Ryan's side and dropped to her knees. "Holy shit!" She yelled, grabbing his head in her hands and forcing him to look up at her. "Are you okay?"

"I think s-" A loud belch broke through his throat, cutting him off. His eyelids felt heavy and once all of the air had escaped his stomach through his mouth, his eyes closed and his head went limp.

"Ryan?" Rainbow looked down at her drunken human, wearing a confused expression on her face. "Hello~" Snapping her fingers in one of his ears, she got a reaction, but his eyes refused to open. "Well, crud..."

It burns, burns, burn!
Indian curry is so hot!
It burns, burns, burns!
Burns like fire, oh my god!
It burns, burns, burns!
I drink and drink, but it won't st-

The song came to a stop as Ryan grabbed his phone, pulling it from his hip and swiping his thumb across the screen without even looking. With the alarm dealt with, he placed the phone back in its place on his side. His hands rise to meet his face, only for him to pull them back and wince when they touched his nose.

"God! Motherfucker!" He yelled, his hands tightened into fists.

Rainbow groaned at his sudden vocalization, lightly punching his chest. "Shut. Up. My head is killing me..."

"Fuck your head!" Ryan shot back in a raised tone, forcing his eyes to open. "My everything hurts!" It takes a moment for his vision to become clear, but once it does, he finds himself looking up at clear blue skies. "What the hell?"

Suddenly, a pony enters his view, standing over him and looking down. He doesn't recognize who it is, but can just make out the color of their fur and a pair of breasts on their form. "Sir, are you alright?"

Ryan blinks a few times, slowly lifting himself until he's sitting up. He can feel a soft texture with a bit of weight sliding down his chest and onto his lap. Looking down, he finds that it was just his marefriend passed out on top of him, her head now resting on his crotch.

Turning his attention to his surroundings, he finds that it isn't just one pony standing beside him, but several. There was maybe a sixth of the town forming a half circle around him and Rainbow Dash.

He blinked a few more times, making sure that his eyes weren't deceiving him. "Uh..." Is all he can get out at that point in time. "Uhhh!"

What the fuck did you do!?

Author's Note

Would it be bad if I said that the drunken antics that had just taken place in this chapter actually happened to me at one point?

Okay, so I've had a few drinks. I apologize for any errors. Thank you

GameAssassin

for dealing with my drunk ass and helping me edit. Much appreciated!

Right, there were songs in this!
Hold on...

Gotta love these bastards!

This one is fuckin' weird...

As always, beat the fuck outta the LIKE button and leave comments. My life is insignificant without them XP

Rainy Day

Misery, agony, pain, regret; These were all of the things he has had to deal with. Suffering is all he knows and when he would finally accept death's tender embrace, it would be denied. Thus, leaving him to live on with his torment. It seemed never ending, like his misfortune and torture would last forever. There is no solace, there is no escape. He would be eternally trapped in the waking nightmare of abuse and neglect.

"Stop fucking touching it!" His voice echoed through the castle, frustration being very present in his tone.

"I have to make sure it isn't broken!" Twilight yelled at the human, holding his face in one hand and a bloody rag in the other.

"It's fine!" Ryan argued, trying to pull out of her grip. Her hand tightened on his jaw, locking him in pace as she inspected the bloody and bruised feature. "Will you fuck off!"

"Stop! Struggling!" She snapped, "I'm trying to help you for Celestia's sake, so stop acting like a baby!"

Ryan huffed in response, unintentionally shooting a small amount of blood from his nostrils. A few drops managed to land of the princesses arm, earning him a very pleasing, disgusted look from her.

"Okay, gross!" Twilight said, using the wet rag to clean her arm before turning her attention back on to him. Much to her surprise, he stopped fighting her. He didn't look at all pleased about it, but at least he was making this easier. Taking the rag, she dabbed around his nose, cleaning the crimson red from his face.

Once all of the blood was cleared, she started to look over his nose more carefully. Most of it was bruised, covered almost completely in different shades of purple and red. "Hopefully, its looks worse than it actually is." She prayed aloud, using her magic to search for further injuries. "You really did a number on yourself here."

"For the thousandth, it will be fine." Ryan all but growled at her, feeling the warm tingling of her magic against his nose.

"Hardly." Twilight added, still going over his nose with her magic. "You'll be lucky if you can still smell anything after this." She set the rag down, placing a hand on either side of his head. "This is probably going to hurt...like, a lot."

"What are you- OH SWEET JESUS!!!" If Ryan's ass weren't planted in one of the thrones, his legs would have buckled from the sudden flash of pain in his face. It felt as though there were thousands of spiders in his nostrils, each one stabbing and pushing against the cartilage hidden behind the veil of skin. "JUST KILL ME!!!"

The pain finally subsided, giving the poor human a small amount of relief before having a bandage forced over his nose that made it somewhat difficult to breath properly.

"The swelling should go down in a few hours." Twilight said, making the blood-soaked rag vanish with a bit of magic as she looked over his face one last time. "Seriously though, take it easy for a while. If you keep up with kind of behavior, Celestia knows what will happen to you."

"I am going to wax all of the fur off of your body..."

Twilight flinched a bit at his threat, taking a step back as he pulled himself from the throne to stand up. "Please, Ryan; Just be more careful, that's all I ask." She requested, "You wouldn't have to keep going through things like this if you were just a touch more cautious."

Ryan let out a loud breath, considering the young alicorn's words. "I'll think about it."

Now it was Twilight's turn to huff in response, "That's the best I'm going to get from you, isn't it?"

"Probably."

Letting out a sigh, Twilight made her way back to the castle's entrance with Ryan following close behind her. Once there, she opened to door to allow the human his freedom. "Take care, I guess. And stop getting yourself hurt!"

Ryan rolled his eyes and exited the castle. "Yeah, yeah; Whatever."

Leaving the giant crystal eyesore behind him, he sought out his rainbow haired marefriend. Looking to the skies, he noted a large number of storm clouds. He did not recall anypony saying that a storm was scheduled for today, but then again, he didn't doubt that he was informed and simply forgot.

A drop hit his head, earning the world a pleasantly surprised look from him. Before he even had a chance to process it, the rain started to fall, quickly picking up in speed. In less than a minute, it had broken into a full storm; The winds were becoming strong enough to nearly shove him, his clothes became soaked, and the locals were all closing down their shops and running to the safety of their homes.

The rain never bothered Ryan, but this was getting ridiculous. A few branches were flying around, having broken free from their original home, some of which were hitting him in the process.

Hey! Common sense is losing his fucking mind up here! Forget about your colorful fuck-horse and get home!

With little hesitation, Ryan started for his home, managing to dodge some of the more violent aspects of the storm. He did lose his footing a few times because of some mud spots, one of which he slipped and fell into, completely covering him in mud.

Filthy and a few cuts from some of the debris flying about, he continued for his home. It was a bit of a challenge, but he managed to make it back with minimal damage to himself. Entering his house, he had to stop as to not track mud all through the place.

In the beginning, he wasn't really the cleanest person in the world. But, thanks to both Rarity and Twilight, he took on a somewhat more clean and organized lifestyle...Kind of.

That bit of programming locked into his head, Ryan stripped out of his clothing at the front door, leaving the mud soaked articles on the floor as he made his way to his bathroom. He turned on his shower, making sure it was nice and hot before climbing in to clean himself off.

The bandage was removed once he was in, the water weakening the adhesive and making it a little less painful than it would have been otherwise. With that out of the way, he scrubbed the clumps of wet dirt from his body and hair. Once clean, he took a seat within the shower to merely enjoy the warm water.

"Stupid rain!" Rainbow yelled to no one in particular, running through the storm as fast as she could. She would have flown, but the added weight from the water drenching her fur would make that fairly difficult.

Part of her wished that she had skipped work today, but this storm was scheduled and needed to be brought in. Normally setting up the storms isn't too much of a hassle, but when you have to get back to the ground after the fact, the burdens being to rear their ugly heads.

Brushing her wet locks from her face to help her see better, Rainbow Dash spotted her destination and wasted no time in getting there. All but kicking open the door, she entered a familiar residence that would shelter her from the storm. Letting out a relieved sigh, she reached up and strained some of the moisture from her hair.

She went to step forward, but felt something odd beneath her feet. Glancing down, she spotted a set of dirty clothes piled up in front of her. While this wasn't the weirdest things she's come across in this house, it was still odd at first glance. It wasn't until the sound of running water, aside from what was going on outside, hit her ears that she was able to put the pieces together.

At any other point, her mind would nose-dive straight into the gutter. But, at this very moment, she was cold and wet. The idea of a hot shower was both welcomed and desired.

Following in the human's footsteps, she declothed herself at the door and walked into the bathroom. Pulling the curtain aside, she barely earned any reaction from Ryan as she stepped in and took a seat on his lap, leaning against his chest as the warm water hit her and soaked into her fur.

Ryan reach out and closed the curtain as a hum escaped Rainbow's lips.

"Much better." She spoke in a hushed tone, letting her head fall back until it was rested on the crook of a her coltfriend's neck.

"You got caught up in the rain too, I take it."

Rainbow hummed in response, confirming his suspicion. "And all because I wanted to come here to see you."

"Aww, that's so sweet." Ryan began, "Hey, you want some wine to go with all that cheese?"

Dash pulled one of her arms back hard, jabbing him in the side with her elbow. "Don't be a dick."

"Sorry, sweetheart." Ryan said with a laugh, "But, that's kinda one of my defining character traits."

"Not lately." Rainbow Dash thought out loud. "I'm not sure if you've noticed this, but you've been a real sweetheart past few days." She explained, feeling a certain amount of warmth in her chest. "If it weren't for your smart ass remarks, I would think you were a changeling."

Rainbow suddenly felt a set of teeth on her. "What the-?" She turned her head to see Ryan staring at her intently, his mouth latched onto her shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"A'm sucking da luv owa ya." He answered, keeping his teeth locked in place.

Reaching up, Dash smacked the top of his head, causing him to recoil, releasing her in the process. "Dork."

"Dike." He shot back, shaking his head.

Burn!!!

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes at him and went back to her previous position, letting her body relax on top of his. They remained this way for a few minutes.

Dash soon felt a pair of hands on her shoulders, pushing her up. She groaned, displeased with being removed from such a comfortable spot. "What gives?"

She received her answer in the form of those previously mentioned hands moving down her back, their digits pressing into the tight muscles around her wings. Her body tensed up for a moment, before melting at his touch. "You know what; Forget I said anything."

"Damn right." He muttered with a smirk, continuing to work his fingertips over her muscles, rubbing them over to relieve some of the built up tension.

The more he worked o her, the more visibly relaxed she became. Her back felt loose and limber, allowing her to feel as though she were a cloud. Light and loose, the slightest touch being more than enough to shove her aside.

With that portion of her being taken care of, he moved to a more intimate space, rubbing the area where her wings met her back. She took a sharp intake of air the second he touched her there, which only provoked him to continue. He teased the sensitive area with light, gentle strokes, then push her further by applying more pressure every fifth or sixth stroke. From his current angle, he could only see half of her face. Regardless, the look of euphoria that was spread across it was hard to miss.

Rainbow hardly knew what to feel now. A mixture of relaxation and pleasure was swimming through every inch of her body. Before, she had only felt like a weight had been lifted from her. Now, she was locked between that and something that was nearly orgasmic. The latter only seemed to grow stronger as the human's hands started to work every inch of her wings, rather than just the pits. Her whole body shook from the immense feeling that was beginning to take over her.

It wasn't long until she started to convulse, grinding her rear against her flesh covered shower chair as she hit her peak and shuddered in the throws of what he had just made her experience. Feeling worn out, and a bit over stimulated, the cyan mare collapsed against the human. This earned a chuckle from him as she panted, her tongue barely able to stay in her own muzzle.

"You gonna make it, sweetheart?" He teased, poking the tip of her nose for his own amusement.

Normally she'd slap his hand away if he tried to do something like that, but in her current state, she was finding it hard to do much of anything.

After taking a minute to recollect herself, Dash rolled over, placing a hand on either side of the human as she climbed up his body, her eyes locked onto his as she leaned into kiss him.

Ryan graciously accepted and returned the kiss, placing a hand behind her head to pull her deeper into their oral embrace.

Losing the will to hold herself up, she straddled his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and now relying on her knees to keep her level with him as they made out. She wasted no time forcing her tongue into the human's mouth, not that he was complaining.

Ryan took advantage of her small advancement, using it as an excuse to let his free hand wander a bit on her, earning a few adorable moans and squeals as he grabbed and rubbed some of her more sensitive regions.

Breaking the kiss, Rainbow pushed herself back, feeling something a little below the human's waist that could very well make tonight much more fun for the both of them. Rubbing it between her thighs, she aligned herself, and not a single word was spoken as she dropped onto it.

Thanks to the rain, Pinkie got to close up shop early today. With the bakery empty and the Cakes spending time with their kids in the back, she was free to do whatever she wanted for the rest of the day. And of course, there was an entire novel filled with things that she could do!

Literally, it was all written down in a book she keeps in her sock drawer.

She was just about to happily skip up the stairs to retrieve said book when she felt a burning between her legs. Shortly after, her legs started to tremble and her tail shook before standing straight out. Once the motions had ceased, and almost evil smirk appeared on her face.

"Oh, Ryan; You dirty little human." With the book now clear from her mind, she threw on a yellow raincoat and grabbed an umbrella, opening it as she walked outside. "I wonder who could be playing with my cuddle buddy without me." She thought out loud, hopping away from the bakery and toward her cuddle buddy's home.

Author's Note

You're still here?
Yeah, duh.
Well, you were gone so long I expected you to have vanished forever.
Eat my ass, you know how busy I've been.
Ladies first!
Go fuck a cactus!

But yeah, it's been a hot minute and I apologize. Work has been kicking my ass lately. Luckily, the hard part is over! So I will have more time to come here and type out more shit. Congrats! Y'all gotta deal with me even more now!

Wow, you must really hate these people if you're making them tolerate your existence.
Would you fuck off!

I would also like to apologize for the shortness of this chapter. This was all I had time to write at the moment, but I will try to make it up to you all. That being said, I need a fucking nap...I also didn't have time to edit, so let me know of any fuck ups, I'm out!

Attractions and Altercations (Part 1)

Sometimes you wake up feeling like a million bits, ready to take on the world and anything else that may dare to challenge you. You're full of energy, power, and there's nothing that could ever bring you down. Other days, you wake up feeling much less...enthusiastic.

You look at yourself in the mirror, negative thoughts corrupting your mind. You feel weak, tired, and very vulnerable. As you gaze upon yourself, the only thing that comes to mind is, 'Whelp, might as well kill myself. It'd be a hell of a lot easier than dealing with this shit'.

Then there are other times; which may happen more frequently than one would care to admit. When you wake up to something so obnoxious that the only thoughts that come to mind are ones of a homicidal nature. These thoughts in particular were beginning to overwhelm a certain, frustrated human as he watched two mares fighting in his living room.

"You stole my cuddle-buddy!" An almost annoyingly high-pitched voice rang, the normally bubbly pink mare holding the other in an arm bar. With a grip like steel, she held the appendage, pulling on it with all her might.

Unwillingly unleashing a pained grunt, Rainbow started flapping her wings, lifting both her and Pinkie off of the ground before dropping down, making sure her friend hit the floor first. "Just because we're dating, that doesn't mean you can't cuddle!"

Pinkie suddenly released her, pressing her nose against the pegasus' with a hopeful smile. "Naked cuddles?"

It took Rainbow Dash a second to process that. "What? No!" She all but yelled, her face contorting in anger. "He's my coltfriend, you can't be naked together!"

Pinkie's smile quickly dropped as she tackled Dash and they rolled across the floor. "I'll drown you in cotton candy!"

As the scuffle continued, the two tying themselves up in a pretzel-like fashion, Ryan rose from his seat and pointed to the door with his thumbs. "I'm gonna go ahead and fuck off in that direction." He said, not bothering to offer them a glance as he made his way out of the house. "Break my shit and I break your legs."

The two either hadn't heard the human, or were simply ignoring him as he left. Either way, it only served to make his life a little easier. It seemed to stop raining as well! What did he do deserve such kindness from the unspoken gods of this land?

With a tired sigh he walked grumpily into town, going through the events in his head. Everything was fine at first; He and Dash were screwing around, Pinkie popped up ~~and scared the piss outta both of them~~, and tried to join in. That's when Dash finally broke the news to the poofy pink maniac, apparently hiding their relationship from her for some reason, although he now understood why, and then all hell broke loose.

Trudging along, lost in his own thoughts, Ryan didn't think anything was going to make his day better. It started off pretty good, but after all of that, he wanted nothing more than to-

Oh my God...

Ryan came to an abrupt stop, his body frozen, his eyes sparkling at the sight. Never before did he think such majesty would ever grace his sight. It was if the man upstairs himself had heard the poor human's torment and mental anguish, sending forth the most magnificent creation to ever walk this land in response.

It's beautiful...

In the distance, there was Twilight, talking her head off, as per usual. But the sight that had caused him to fall into such a state wasn't her, nor the elderly unicorn walking by her side. No!

Instead, it was the curly locks that rested upon the older pony's chin. It's thickness outweighed even the heaviest of materials, the duality of its tones as captivating as a beam of light shining down from the heavens, it's glory greater than the multitude of universes crossing each other in harmony!

"I must say, Princess Sparkle, I am quite impressed with your research." Starswirl complimented with a smile, earning a blush from the over-excited alicorn. "Detailed, thorough, and not a single step is missed. You remind me much of myself at your age."

Twilight squealed in delight, shaking her head and clearing her throat shortly after to regain her composure. "Thank you so much, Starswirl." She said, barely holding herself together. "You have no idea how happy that makes me. And it means so much that you agreed to stop by Ponyville again before your trip."

"Well, if it's all the same to you, I think I'll-" Starswirl fell silent as he noticed his traveling companion staring, not at him, but past him. "Is something the matter?"

Just as the old unicorn went to turn his head, Twilight grabbed it, forcing him to look in her direction. "I'm really sorry about this, but I'm gonna need you to remain perfectly calm."

An odd shiver ran down Starswirl's spine, both at her words, and an odd feeling he suddenly got. "Princess Twilight, just tell me what is wrong and I will-"

"BEARD!!!" A voice boomed from behind him.

"Ryan, no!" A burst of purple magic shot out from her horn, encasing the two of them in a magical barrier. A loud thump echoed through their confined space, a pained groan being the only thing to breach its tough surface.

Twilight dropped the spell, releasing her idol's head in the process as she stared at the collapsed human, holding his forehead, just a few inches from them. "What have I told you about charging ponies like that?"

"Eat a dick, book horse!" Ryan yelled from the ground, finally earning his senpai's attention.

Twilight walked around him, standing in between the stallion and the human. "I'm terribly sorry about that, Starswirl. My friend here tends to get a little excited around certain ponies."

Starswirl stared at the creature pulling itself off of the ground, his jaw hanging in awe at the sight as he pushed past the princess. "Faust above." He muttered to no pony in particular. "What is this strange creature?"

Twilight walked beside Starswirl, eyeing Ryan, who was massaging his head to relieve the headache he likely had from charging face-first into a barrier. "Starswirl, this is one of my friends." She began, "His name is Ryan, he's not from Equestria, or this universe from that matter."

Ryan's eyes rolled around in their sockets at random. Shaking his head, he was able to stabilize himself just long enough to find his target from earlier. His eyes seemed to glaze over as he stared back at the tidal waves of facial hair that decorated this wonderful stallion's features.

"Absolutely marvelous!" Starswirl said to himself, now circling the human and poking random parts of his body. "It's body resembles that of ponyfolk almost identically, minus the obvious." He said with a bit of glee. "I've never seen such a thing in all of my travels."

"You say it's not from this world?" Starswirl asked, shooting a curious look at Twilight.

Twilight nodded, confirming her earlier statement. "He's from another universe where his race is the dominant species; They're called humans."

"Hue-mans." Starswirl repeated, the foreign word feeling odd as it rolled off of his tongue. His attention shot back to Ryan, not noticing the odd look he was receiving. "Well, hue-man, would you mind if I asked you some questions? Maybe took a few tests?"

"Dude, you can smack my ass and call me your bitch for all I care." Ryan said, causing the two ponies to flinch slightly from his word choice. "Just let me touch your beard."

Twilight grabbed Ryan with her magic, lifting him as he went to manhandle the pony's wonderful chin hairs. "As you can see, they are more open with colorful language, thinking it to be more humorous than anything else." She explained a little faster than she would have liked while the human flailed around in her magical hold. "This one in particular also has an unhealthy fascination with copious amounts of facial hair. So much so, that he's been banned from every beard trimmers shop in Ponyville."

"I see..." Starswirl commented somewhat awkwardly before hearing a loud whistle in the distance. "Is that the-"

"Yes, that's the train." Twilight, once again, confirmed.

Starswirl let out a sigh at this. "Such a shame, I was looking forward to studying that hue-man." He said almost sadly, perking back up in the blink of an eye. "Oh well, I can always stop by again later."

"If you'd like-" Twilight began, levitating several notebooks from...somewhere and holding them out to him. "I have a few notes on his species, their habits, and some of the various cultures in his world. I wouldn't mind letting you have them."

Starswirl stared at her with wide eyes, reaching out to grab the notebooks from her hold. "I don't know what to say, Princess." He started, looking shocked from her generosity. "I don't think I can accept such a gift. All of your work-"

"It's fine." Twilight said, waving a dismissive hand at him. "I have several copies of my notes back at home."

Starswirl smiled at this. "A filly after my own heart." He said with a chuckle.

Twilight blushed at this, offering him a smile of her own. Both of which vanished as she heard the struggling human grunting behind her, quickly noticing his hand stretching down in an attempt to reach the stallion in front of her.

A groan escaped Twilight's throat as she levitated the human further back, putting her smile back on. "It's been a pleasure meeting you, Starswirl."

"The pleasure is all mine." He replied, sliding the notebooks into his cloak. "I'll be sure to stop by soon for a visit." Without further exchange, Starswirl's horn became alight; There was a bright flash, and like that, he was gone.

Twilight let out an almost dreamy sigh as she watched Starswirl, the pony she idolized, almost worshiped, vanish before her eyes.

"God dammit!" Ryan yelled, anger and disappointment evident in his tone. "Put me down already, you fucking-" He was cut off by his own yelp as the magical aura surrounding him vanished, causing his body to fall rather painfully to the ground. "Ow..."

Being reminded of the human's existence, Twilight turned around to face him with a glare. "What in the hay were you thinking?" She asked with a hint of venom. "Are you trying to embarass me!?"

Ryan shot up off of the ground at a speed that caused the young alicorn to jump back. "But the beard on that guy, Twilight!" He yelled, reaching out and grabbing her by the shoulders. "The beard!" He continued to shout, shaking her as he did so.

Twilight shoved him off of her as she let out a growl. "You're incorrigible!" She snapped, turning around to leave. "You're lucky he's fascinated by your species, or I'd teleport you to the bottom of a lake."

"What crawled up your ass this morning?" Ryan asked, following her for no specific reason. "If anyone should be mad here, it's me. Two of your psychotic friends are about to tear down my house with the others body."

Twilight hummed with a lack of interest, "And I'm supposed to believe that it isn't your fault, right?"

"It was Dash this time, I swear!" Ryan defended, earning a disbelieving glare from the alicorn. "Seriously! She never told Pinkie we were a thing and now they're in an all out brawl on my living room floor."

"Sounds like a personal problem." Twilight responded, stopping at a nearby stall and smiling at the owner. "Two please."

"No, a personal problem would be more like me asking you to help with my angular issues." Ryan said matter-of-factly. "Dash and Pinkie are both of our friends, therefore it should fall on both of us to work it out."

"Angular issue?" Grabbing two small bags of strawberries, Twilight handed over a few bits, thanking the pony before walking away again.

"Ol' Jeffery aint been the same since that bitch stepped on him." Ryan reminisced, staying in pursuit of Twilight. "Fucker's got a gangster lean now."

"Okay, I really didn't need to know that!" Twilight all but yelled in disgust.

"You really did!" Ryan shot back, "Now are you gonna help me, or are we gonna let them kill each other?"

Twilight came to a stop, letting out another growl, this one being louder than the last. "Why can't you do it?" She asked, finally turning back too meet the human's gaze. "It's your house they're destroying, your marefriend, so it's your problem!"

"You know exactly how I handle my problems!" Ryan snapped, using air quotes as he said 'my'. "That being said, it's gonna end one of two ways. Either I'm gonna get shit-faced and let them duke it out, or I'm tying them to the bed and setting that fucking place on fire!"

Two houses in under two months? You're on a roll!

Twilight flinched a bit at his choice of words, seeing just how serious he was as she looked into the dual abysmal pits that were his eyes. "A-alright! Okay, I'll help you."

Changing her direction, she started for the human's house. However, she stopped when she noticed a lack of a secondary life form by her side. Turning her head, she spotted Ryan walking the other direction. "I thought it was supposed to fall on both of us to stop them!"

"It was until you sassed me!" Ryan yelled, continuing to go elsewhere.

Twilight rolled her eyes before continuing her journey to fix another one of Ryan's screw-ups.

Not knowing what to do with the remainder of his day, Ryan made a beeline for the not-so-secret bar hidden in town. He didn't know what time it was, but as the saying goes, 'It's five o'clock somewhere'. So, with sober determination, he made his way there, taking a seat at the counter. Hard to believe that he was in here just the other night with all that's happened. Well, hard for him, at least.

Tapping on the counter, the server noticed him and grabbed his usual drink. Filling the glass with his preferred drink, the bar pony slid it over to him.

Ryan caught the beverage, taking a quick drink from it to ease his nerves. He stayed there in silence for a good while, sipping from his drink and requesting refills respectively. Several ponies came in and left, but the numbers within stayed relatively small.

With that in mind, he didn't notice when a mare all but kicked down the door. He soon felt a hand on his shoulder before looking to his side, spotting a bruised and displeased Rainbow Dash taking the seat next to him.

Ryan raised a brow at her, reaching out to grab his drink. "You look like hell." He commented, taking another sip from his glass. "Twilight straighten you two out?"

Dash let out an annoyed sigh, "More or less..."

Ryan nodded approvingly, "So how'd that go?"

"I think Pinkie took the hint." The bartender set down a glass for his marefriend, which she happily took and chugged down.

Ryan looked over her, noticing that she was still on edge about something. Normally, after getting her point across, her cocky nature would make her a lot more peppy. "You don't seem that happy about it."

"I am." She said, sounding aggravated.

"Then what's got you all fucked up?" Ryan asked, curious as to why she looked ready to strangle someone.

Dash let out another sigh, placing an arm against the counter and letting her head rest in her hand. "I got a letter from my parents today."

Ryan waited for her to continue, but when she didn't, he pressed. "Go on..."

"They want to meet you..." She said in a somewhat defeated tone.

"...so..."

"It's just that..." Dash paused to let out a huff. "They're my parents, and I love them to death, but..."

"But~" He pressed again, trying to figure out what the issue was.

"I guess you'll see when we get there." Dash said, setting down a few bits on the counter before grabbing the human and dragging him out of the bar.

"Wait, right now?"

"I'd like to get this over with as soon as possible." Rainbow Dash explained a little faster than she'd like to admit. "I'd also like to avoid bumping into Pinkie for a little while too."

"I thought you said Twilight took care of that!" Ryan said, slightly annoyed by her dragging him out of his favorite place, aside from his home; Which he was technically forced to leave as well.

Dash came to a stop, offering the human a certain look. "It's Pinkie..."

Ryan paused as well to think that through for a second. "Good point. Let's get the fuck out of here."

Ryan looked over the edge of the basket, staring down at the small town below him as the burner ignited, lifting the balloon higher into the air. "Damn, why didn't I think of this when I was trying to off myself?" There was a sharp pain in his shoulder as his marefriend's fist connected with him. "Ow, bitch!"

"Don't talk like that!" Rainbow snapped, looking out toward the floating city made of clouds. She hated when he brought that night up, especially when he tried to make a joke out of it. Letting those thought go, she changed the topic. "You remember our deal, right?"

"I laugh, I get punched." Ryan said, rubbing his now sore shoulder. "Yeah, I got it."

"Did you drink the cloud-walking potion?"

"Yes, mom." Dash rolled her eyes at his statement. "Speaking of, who the hell are we supposed to be meeting?"

Rainbow reached into her back pocket, pulling out a wallet. Opening it, she dug around and pulled out a photo of her parents, handing it over to him. "That's them; My mom's name is Windy Whistles. Dad's is Bow Hothoof."

Ryan had to hold back a laugh. Her mom's name made her sound like she was part of that weird fart porn or something. Grabbing the photo, he looked it over, nearly swallowing his tongue in the process. Coughing a bit, he pressed a fist to his chest, panting a bit as he handed her the photo back.

Mama-Mia!

"What's wrong?" Dash asked with a bit of concern, taking the photo and placing it back in it's place before putting her wallet back as well. "Are you alright there, big guy?"

Ryan nodded, "Yep, just swallowing down my boner is all."

Rainbow suddenly looked offended, for god only knows what reason. "Excuse me!?"

You're a fucking idiot!

Ryan couldn't do anything but offer a sheepish grin as he looked for a way out of this little predicament. Looking to the side, his eyes widened in horror. "Incoming!"

Rainbow's anger suddenly vanished as panic forced her to follow his gaze, only to find nothing but the open sky and approaching city. Turning her head back to face him, she noticed a distinct lack of her alien boyfriend. "What the???" She went over to the side he was standing on, looking down to find him sitting on the every edge of Cloudsdale. "You mother-"

How he got lucky enough to land on the beginnings of the city was a mystery to the slightly dazed human. The clouds took most of the impact, making it a lot less painful than it probably should have been.

Your luck is about to run out, buddy! Better haul ass!

Without further hesitation, Ryan got back to his feet and started running with no specific direction in mind. Much to his dismay, Pegasi are OP as fuck and she was hot on his tail. Having abandoned the hot air balloon and taken to using her wings, Dash was able to catch up to him without breaking a sweat.

Looking back, Ryan got to watch as the angry, gay pride flag tackled him face first into the cloudy surface. He could at least be happy by the lack of pain that came with landing on clouds again, but only because he knew just how much the next part was going to hurt.

Luckily, some deity seemed to be watching over him today.

Rainbow Dash stopped her assault before it could begin as the sound of a door opening caught her attention. Angling her neck to face the source, a blush quickly spreading on her face, she spotted the two ponies she dreaded seeing.

Surprised by the lack of beating, but also not complaining either, Ryan looked up. Once again swallowing hard at the sight. "Okay...I guess it doesn't want to go down this time..."

All blood-flow has been directed south of the border!

Author's Note

Another one of those chapters where I couldn't think of a plot, so I just started typing and waited to see if it was any good...That's all I really got for you, I just thought 'Screw it, bring on the fuckery!' And now this is a two-parter...The fuck am I even doing!?

Attractions and Altercations (Part 2)

Dumbstruck, awestruck, stupid-struck; All of these and more was where Equestia's only human could find his mind residing. Sitting at a rather casually decorated table, his marefriend by his side, Ryan stares off. Only this time, he wasn't staring into space. Instead, his eyes were locked on the shapely form of an older pegasus mare, who could be found just a short distance away, working in the kitchen.

Windy was going about her own devices as she prepared a meal for her guests, talking almost nonstop about her daughters goals and achievements throughout the years. While she was listing off one after another, the human couldn't help but to scan every inch of her amazing body. From what he had gathered, most pegasi were about as stacked as Rainbow Dash. Given their anatomy, they were fairly slim in every aspect so that they could fly with relative ease.

But Windy seemed to shatter that stereotype, as did Fluttershy, to the extreme, but she wasn't here at the moment. Ol' Flutters also didn't possess the same motherly curves that Windy did. Her aged complexion did little to deter the attraction either. In fact, it made her that much more desirable. Her short mane, like she was trying to hold on to some memory of her youth, was just cute as hell. The wideness of her waist rounding out that slightly pronounced flank, her milk jugs nearly half the size of Fluttershy's.

The things I would do to this MILF...

Thank God her husband, Bow Hothoof, was out at the store to collect a few more things for tonight. Otherwise, Ryan probably would have been socked in the eye.

Rainbow Dash sat beside her boyfriend, a blush practically glued to her face. She hated when either of her parents would talk about times when she was a filly. At least she could be happy that Ryan wasn't really paying attention. However, his short attention span was a double-edged sword, as his lack came from ogling the mare who raised her.

"Baby..." Ryan said, earning the more colorful pony's attention. However, his eyes were still locked onto Windy as she continued to list off achievements Dash made when she was young. Absentmindedly, he attempted to rise from his seat. "Let me take you away from all of this."

Dash wore a grimace as she elbowed the human in the stomach and he fell back to his seat. During his descent, she took the opportunity to look over at her mother, who didn't seem to notice them as she continued talking to herself.

"Would you knock it off!" Rainbow whisper-yelled, "That's my bucking mother!"

"I can't help it!" Ryan snapped in an equally hushed tone, but that mostly came because of a lack of air in his lungs. "She's like an older version of you, but with tits!"

Rainbow Dash huffed, leaning back in her seat and looking under the table so she wouldn't have to look at him or her mother. She and the human sat in silence as her mother spoke further about her. Eventually, being able to see everything that resided beneath the wooden structure in front of her, she spotted something that only served to make her temper rise; Which didn't seem to be the only thing that was rising.

Leaning forward, Dash growled into the human's ear. "Are you seriously-!?"

"As a rock!" Ryan answered, biting his lower lip a little harder as Windy made her way out of the kitchen with several empty plates in her arms, her chest resting gently on the top one.

"But, I guess I should stop rambling about how great my little Dashie is." Windy finished, setting the plates down at the table before taking a seat at the end. "I mean, you must know since you're dating her." She looked like she was trying to keep a large amount of excitement contained, nearly bouncing in her seat, making her whole body jiggle and shake as a result. "Oh, I just can't believe it! Best flyer in Equestria, and now, best alien charmer!"

Don't say it out loud! Don't say it out loud!!!

"I think that's up for debate." Ryan said almost hypnotically, his wide eyes never leaving the older mare. In an instant, he felt little Ryan, or Jeffery, being held in Rainbow's vice-like grip, which served to cause both pain and maybe a bit of pleasure. Just to be safe though, "But, she's done a damn good job so far."

Rainbow Dash released the human's package, shooting him a glare as if to tell him that his life were but a simple thread and she held the scissors.

Ryan smiled nervously at her before turning his attention back to her mother. "So...You seem quite proud of Rainbow's..." He looked around the dining room, looking over the many, many Rainbow Dash themed photos, portraits, and the like. "Everything, I guess."

"Well, why wouldn't I be?" Windy asked, looking over to her special little girl with nothing but happiness and pride. "She's just so perfect in every way. I couldn't have asked for a more special filly."

"Mom!" Rainbow groaned, blushing slightly from embarrassment. It goes without saying that she loved her parents dearly, but their constant praise was almost sickening. "Can you tone it down a little? I'm not a filly anymore."

"Sweetie, you have no reason to be embarrassed." Windy said dismissively, "If anything you should be as proud of yourself as I am of you. And no matter what, you'll always be my little miracle."

"Mom!!!" Dash snapped, burying her face in her hands.

It was becoming increasingly difficult not to laugh at his marefriend's reaction to the constant praise and adoration being sent her way. Ryan found himself biting down harder on his lip to keep quiet. However, fate has once again lifted its middle finger up and pressed it against his nose; Said appendage betraying him and letting out a snort.

Rainbow's head snapped toward Ryan, her eyes filled with-

"Honey, I'm home!" A stallion's voice echoed through the cloud home. "Is our little Dashie still here? Please tell me she is!"

Saved by daddy!

Rainbow's expression became filled with defeat as her head fell to the table with an audible, and quite painful, thud. Ryan, flinching at the sound, turned his attention elsewhere, silently praying she wouldn't abuse his boy parts again. He felt his heart starting to pick up in speed. Not from the possibility of being castrated though, more from the presence of the father-figure. Starting to feel nervous, he would have to shut down a lot of his little quirks.

Unknown to anypony, Ryan wasn't very good with interacting with other males. That fact itself wasn't hard to spot, but the reasoning as to why was kept quiet. There weren't a lot of things in this world, or his own for that matter, that could throw him off. Meeting a grown man, and a father no less, especially one of whoever he was dating, would instantly bring his confidence crashing down.

It was one thing to know a guy that's at least around your age. They were almost as stupid as you, and if they weren't, a few drinks would make it so. Meeting someone new, who was much older, and held some kind of authority, was terrifying for him.

For the time being, he would do everything in his power to either stay quiet, or end a conversation without it seeming too forced.

Much to his surprise, Bow wasn't as overbearing as he thought he would be. In fact, during the meal that Windy prepared for all of them, both she and him went on about Rainbow Dash and her many achievements again. Some of the things they told him made holding up his end of their little deal even more difficult! Never before in his life did he have to struggle so hard to keep himself from laughing. Other stories made him cringe, making him wonder why it was even worth mentioning.

Ryan didn't get many words in, which he was thankful for. For one, it kept him from making an ass of himself in front of his marefriend's parents; For two, it gave him more time to stare at Dash while she blushed like a madmare out of pure, and utter, embarrassment.

Overall, he was actually kind of enjoying himself.

The conversations shifted to other ponies that lived nearby, ponies that were around when Dash was growing up. Windy and Bow explained how they were doing and what they've been up to, giving the poor mare a break from the seemingly endless tirade of embarrassment. The out of nowhere, Windy made a suggestion.

"We should go visit them!" The older mare announced with a surprising amount of energy. "Cloud and Sky would be so happy to see you again."

Rainbow's eyes shot open at this, panic filling them as she quickly rose from her seat. "Gee, mom..." She said, wearing a very forced smile. "That sounds great, but it's getting kinda late." She wasn't wrong, it was pushing close to seven o'clock and Ryan was feeling ready to settle down for the night, but was having too much fun watching his marefriend suffer. "They might already be in bed."

"Oh, that's very unlikely." Windy argued with a smile. "You're so compassionate though, worrying about being a bother and all that."

"No pony could ever be bothered by you, Dashie." Bow followed up, now taking a stand from his seat. "I'll go let the neighbors know that we'll be dropping by."

"Great..." Dash said, her forced smile becoming difficult to hold. Unknown to the human beside her, one of her hands had snaked its way around his arm. "Can you give us just one minute?"

She darted out of the room, dragging a very surprised-looking Ryan alongside her. Rushing down a hallway, they ended their journey in the bathroom, where Dash all but threw him to the wall and locked the door behind them.

"We have to get out of here!" She said in a hushed tone, her back flush against the door. "I don't think I can take any more of this."

Ryan spun around to face her, crossing his arms smugly as he eyed her with an evil grin. "I don't know about you, but I'm enjoying this time we've had as a family."

Rainbow's eyes narrowed at the human, a growl forcing its way out of her throat as she takes a few steps towards him. "Don't start with me!" She said through gritted teeth. "You've got a hell of an ass-whooping coming your way already and I am in no mood-"

"However, I might know a way out of this." He added, his smile growing as Dash's face locked up.

The room went silent for a moment and while her glare held, her expression fell as she submitted to his will. "What do you want?"

Ryan's smile dropped as well, despite having the upper hand. "I don't wanna hear any bullshit about me eyeballing your mom when we get back to my place, capeesh?"

The tension seemed to shoot up immediately after that point as Dash closed in on him, leveling an angry finger in his direction. "If you don't think-"

"But then again!" Ryan added, his evil smirk returning full force. "I'm intrigued to hear about your neighbors. I wonder what kind of fun story they have to share about you."

Rainbow's mouth angrily closed itself, her teeth making an audible click as they collided. Her breaths became sharp and forceful as she did everything she could not to hit this overgrown, hairless monkey straight in the jaw. "F-fine!"

"Good girl." He said, knowing very well that he'd probably still end up getting into a fight with her later. Right now though, he had immunity and was going to enjoy it while it lasted. "Who's a good little pony?" He said in his doggy-talk tone, ruffling her mane as he did so. "That's it; you are!"

If looks could kill, Ryan would have already suffered countless, painful deaths just from the glare she was giving him. Deciding to get this show on the road, since he was as ready to leave as her at this point, he exited the bathroom and went back to the kitchen. Dash followed behind him, trying to burn a hole in his head with her thoughts.

"Alright, when are we heading out?" Ryan asked, looking as upbeat as ever.

Dash's parents looked over at him with a smile. Windy looked ready to go, if the large purse she was holding was any indication. And Bow...They could only assume that he was as ready as her.

"We're good to go whenever you are." Windy said, looking really excited to visit her friends with her daughter- and her daughter's alien boyfriend- in tow.

"Well, let's get going then!" Ryan declared, only adding to the older couples excitement as they went for the front door.

"What are you doing?" Rainbow asked from behind him, watching as he pulled a small vial from his pocket.

"Just be ready to grab me, okay?" Placing the vial to his lips, he sucked down the strange looking fluid and replaced the empty container in his pocket. "I don't feel like dying today...Holy shit that's bitter." He added, his face contorting in disgust. Continuing with his somewhat suicidal plan, he followed his marefriend's parents as they opened the door and stepped outside.

Dude, I know you're trying to get out of trouble and all; But, didn't we already learn that suicide isn't the way?

"Ryan..." Dash began, anger quickly shifting to fear. "What are you doing?" He ignored her, looking beyond the doorway that lead to a city that was literally floating on clouds. Clouds that he wasn't meant to walk on. Extending a leg, he closed his eyes and held his breath, letting his weight carry him forward as his foot sank through the soft, white surface. "Ryan!"

Ryan fell, his body phasing through the clouds as he naturally should have to begin with. The feeling of the air hitting him was actually quite pleasant, despite the fact that he was literally plummeting to the earth. It reminded him of the first time he went skydiving. The only real difference between then and now was; he had a parachute and an instructor. Here, he has nothing but his fat ass and a very fast approaching city. However, fate had given this wayward human a break in the form of his colorful haired, marefriend.

Rainbow Dash caught up to him rather quickly, wrapping her arms around his midsection and being forced to use all of her wing-power to slow down and bring them to a hover. They were still a fair distance in the air, enough to see the entire population below them. Ryan was the only one enjoying the view though as his marefriend struggled to keep them aloft and seemed to be slowly descending.

The sounds of her heavy breathing and grunting were clear indicators of two things; The first being that he should probably lose the weight. The second was that she was struggling. The struggling itself wasn't a bother, but the fact that they were going down a little bit faster each second was a bit worrisome.

They continued to lower to the ground a little bit faster, and then faster, and then faster...

This continued until they finally reached the ground, Dash being forced to angle her wings so they would at least crash and roll, rather than collide straight-on. It was still painful, but at least this way they survived with only a few cuts and bruises.

Neither was sure when it happened, but they had become separate some time during the collision. Rainbow hit and managed to spin herself to barrel roll to a stop. Ryan, being the lucky soul he is, found himself sliding first, followed by rolling forward and doing a scorpion, then finishing off by skidding his face against the dirt with his legs still curved uncomfortably toward the sky. When his body finally came to a stop, his legs fell flat and that was it for him.

At least, it would be, if he weren't too stubborn to die.

Using one of his now very sore arms, Ryan pushes himself and his body rolls so he's laying on his back. His forehead, nose, and various other parts of his face were covered in cuts, scratches, and gravel. Raising the arm he had used to roll himself, he places a finger to his nose and breathes out as hard as he can. A small pebble is sent flying out of the opposite nostril, giving him at least a small amount of relief as he lets his arm fall back to the ground.

Ryan stares up at the sky, the light of the sun had already descended from his vision, leaving the sky to be lit by Luna's beautiful moon taking its place. He takes in a deep breath, letting it out in a- "ahhhhhOOOOOOOOOWWWW!!!"

"Holy fucking fuck!" He finished, still looking up into the sky, eyes wide. Before long, something enters his vision. Something that looked as though it had been tied to the back of a car before being taken on a twenty minute joyride through the woods.

Normally when a creature of the female genome is standing over him, it becomes difficult to contain his boner. But when that female looks like she's ready to stab him with a tree branch, his boner tears through his pants.

I will force you to eat yourself if you do not snap the fuck out of it...

Shaking his head, resulting in a reminder that he had landed on his head, Ryan forces himself to sit up. He did everything he could to avoid the female's gaze, not feeling like dealing with the oncoming shit-storm while he felt as though his brain was trying to crawl its way out of his skull.

"What the hell was that!?" Rainbow yelled, earning an annoyed sigh from the human.

"A solution to your problem." He said as if he were pointing out the obvious. When he finally looks at her, all he can make out is her scrunched up face and a small twitch in her left eye. "I told you to catch me... How did you not see this coming?"

Rage through the roof, Rainbow couldn't even think of a response that would emphasize how she was feeling; And how badly she wanted to smother him. As a result, she settled with turning tail and walking away, leaving the still damaged human to rot in the dirt.

Ryan turned his head elsewhere to process where he was. Obviously, he was in Ponyville, but wanted to know exactly where he had landed. He'd say that he was surprised no pony came to check on them, but then again; It was late and ponies wanted to go to bed. That and half of the population of Ponyville either tolerated or flat out hated him.

After a bit of scanning, he was able to pinpoint his exact location. However, he was still in too much pain to get up and move. For now, his ass was staying firmly planted where it was while he waited for his nerves to settle down. With his body resting and recuperating, it gave his mind time to go through the events that had taken place...and it wasn't looking good.

We...we may have fucked up...like a lot....So much so, that your house may be burned by a hand that isn't attached to 'you'.

This realization dawned on him, making him feel like a 'complete' asshole. "Fuck!" He yelled to himself, quickly accepting his oncoming defeat. "Dash is gonna kill me, no doubt."

Not to say that we don't deserve it.

"Oh, we do!" He confirmed with a nod, "By all means, she would be one hundred percent in the right."

Well...you can go home and let her rip your throat out with her teeth. Or, you can be a man, and run like hell to the nearest safe haven.

All Ryan could see was pink as the locks of poof consumed his face. As always, the embrace was tight and painful. But, what else could you expect from the town's favorite sugar junkie?

When she finally pulled away, he became reacquainted with the world around him; Which was plainly a tan-ish bedroom, a bed with balloons tied to it, a closet, and a phonograph. Also worth mentioning was the toothless alligator gnawing on his foot.

"- and I'm so, so, so sorry about that fight with Dashie!" Pinkie said with a guilty look on her face. She had been talking the whole time, but that was the only thing he was able to process out of everything. "I don't know what came over me, I overeactedanditjustescaltedromthere-!"

"Stop talking!" Ryan demanded, pressing a hand to her mouth as he did so. "I don't care..." There was a short silence between them and he eventually removed his hand from her face. "I need a place to crash for the night."

Pinkie cocked an eyebrow at him. She was more than happy to have him stay over. It'll give her a chance to convince him to join her for the naked snuggles! But, she was curious; "Why?"

With as serious a look as he could muster, he replied. "Cause if I go home tonight; I will die."

Now she was actually becoming concerned. "Why would you-?"

"I met Rainbow's parents today..." He interrupted, his face practically expressionless as the image of Windy popped up in his head. "Her mom, dude...Mmm!"

Naked cuddles would have to wait, this human's life was in danger! With a newfound determination- and a protective instinct that had yet to surface until this day- Pinkie grabbed Ryan by the arm and started dragging him off to Celestia-knows-where with Gummy still clinging tightly to the toe of his shoe.

Author's Note

Quick update! My mental state has improved! Starting to feel like myself again!
However, I am due for an a cat scan or MRI or...whatever...They're gonna scan my ass to locate all my tumors so we can figure out what the fuck to do about them.
I'll try to keep y'all posted so long as I survive all the radiation! But seeing how I have 12 of these fuckers I'm already kicking the Geiger counter in the ass, so fuck it!
This chapter was NOT edited professionally! I am currently a little drunk and just kinda eyeballed it...So let me know where I fucked up at!

Attractions and Altercations (Part 3)

"The moon tide is tugging on my heartstrings.

This chorus should sound so much better but I can't sing.

So, instead of singin-" The song came to an end as Ryan's hand pretty much smack his phone across the screen, turning off his morning alarm almost completely on accident. Normally he was up before his alarm when falling asleep in a house that wasn't his own, but he wasn't exactly looking forward to going home.

Ten to one, Dash was there and waiting; Likely ready to knock his teeth in with her foot. He let out a strained sigh as he forced his eyes open. This secret room Pinkie had set up under the shop was interesting, to say the least. When she brought him down there last night, he was beyond amazed and slightly disturbed, especially when going through some of the files kept in here. When ponies say that Pinkie knows everything, they mean EVERYTHING.

If only modern security existed here, then he'd have cameras on every corner of his house. Some of the information he found in this place made him scared to even look and see if there was a file on him. He doesn't want to know what she knows, especially if it involves him! Then again, he's no stranger to stalking. So, he can't really judge her that much. The most he can say is that he just watched, whereas she pays close attention and documents what she sees.

Not bothering to look over the room, Ryan removed himself from his cuddle buddy and rolled onto his back. As soon as he did this, he felt the mare he was holding for the night turn and throw an arm around his bare chest.

...Wait a minute...

Ryan glanced down to see that his shirt was gone, which was odd. He remembered going to bed with it on. What the hell happened? He started paying close attention to the sensations around him and rubbed his thighs together. The hairs on his legs rubbed against each other, lightly tickling the skin on the others side. The human felt is eyes narrow as his head angled downward, looking at the sleeping, naked, pink pony hugging his midsection.

That sly bitch...

Rolling his eyes, he threw off the blanket that had been laid out for them and pulled out of her grip. As he got to his feet, his exposed body reacting rather uncomfortably to the cold underground environment. Pinkie let out a rather adorable whine, protesting his escape.

"Where are my clothes?" Ryan asked, yawning in the middle of his question. He bent down for a moment to grab his phone and turn on the flashlight. The intensity if the light made him flinch at first, but he adapted.

"Clothes blows." Pinkie commented tiredly, her eyes still closed as she gestured for the human to return to her. "Come back here and cuddle."

Though tempting was the offer, he couldn't. He had to get home and deal with whatever Rainbow had ready for him upon his return. Staying away for a night to let her cool down is one thing, it's another to willingly jump naked into bed with one of her friends; The word willingly being as stressed as it can be without breaking the sentence.

"Pinkie..." Ryan began, holding a serious tone so he could get the next few minutes of hell over-with as soon as possible. "I can only ask nicely so many times, you know this; Where are my clothes?"

Pinkie let out an unsatisfied groan, rotating her body away from him and pointing toward the right-hand corner of the room as she she huffed at him. "Party pooper..."

Aiming his phone light to where she was pointing, he found his clothes neatly folded on a wooden chair and got to work dressing himself, as well as finding a way out of the secret party planning dungeon...

It took longer than Ryan would like to admit, but he eventually found his way out. It involved a lot of climbing, specifically up a very slick slide, and some pounding on some oddly placed boards, but he got out and he did it on his own. He was surprised the ruckus that followed his escape hadn't woke up the whole house/bakery, but wasn't going to complain. Instead, he made a quick exit out of the front door and got to walking home.

You know; I think that's the first time we've left after spending the night with a girl and didn't climb out a window since we landed here.

Huh...would you look at that...

Ryan thought back to the girls on earth he had stayed with. For many, the window was an option. For a select few others, the window meant death. Here though, none of the buildings he's stayed in have been tall enough to warrant so much as a hospital visit from leaving out of the window. Not including the two castles he's stayed in; Those don't count.

That aside, this was indeed the first time he had stayed the night with a pony and casually strolled out of the front door. Not that it was unwarranted. He had just climbed out of an underground room and there wasn't really a point in going upstairs just to leave through the window.

He must have been thinking about this harder than he realized, because in no time at all he was spitting distance from his front porch. Coming to a stop, he considered turning around and taking off. Maybe spend a few days in the forest, wrestle a timber wolf, take down their leader, then rise through the ranks and be crowned the King of the Everfree.

Yeah, that seems much more sensible than stepping up to the walking deathtrap that goes by the name 'Rainbow'.

As great as it would be, his crown was gonna have to wait for the next blood moon, as foretold, before he could begin his conquest over the forest. That left him with only one other option, but he wasn't happy about it. He reluctantly stepped forward, pulled out his key, and unlocked the door before stepping inside.

The living room was devoid of life, but everything else seemed to be alright. He honestly expected half of the stuff in here to be broken. Maybe Dash has more self-control than he gives her credit for.

Speaking of; Where is she?

That was a very good question; Ryan wasn't sure if she was even here. He just assumed that she would be since it's his house and he always ends up back here. It doesn't matter where he goes, is taken, or has been dumped; The man always finds his way back home. This would be the number one place to find him.

Though the house was considered a large living space, it didn't have a whole lot to offer. From here, he could see into the living room and into most of the kitchen. All that was left was the bathroom, the closet, and his bedroom. And if she wasn't in his room then god only knows where she took off to.

Closing the front door, Ryan cautiously walked through the living room. His eyes scanned every surface as he drew closer to his destination. The coast appeared to be clear, meaning that she was either on the other side of the door he now faced, or she wasn't here at all.

Slowly, he grabbed the handle and turned it, opening the door just enough to peek inside. Through the opening he had made, he could see the toned blue pegasus perched atop his bed. He could already tell what she was wearing, it was the same pajamas he used to wear every night until she stole them from him.

Rainbow's legs were covered in a pair of loose, silky shorts. Her upper body, though difficult to see at this angle, was donned in a tight black tank top that read 'Las Vegas' on the front.

Dash's arms were wrapped around the front of her legs, pulling her knees to her so she could rest her head on them. Not much of her face could be seen, the expression on it wasn't hard to read. Her eyes were red and puffy, mane disheveled and going off in every direction, the bagginess under her eyes being a clear indicator that she hadn't slept at all the night before.

Ryan felt an uncomfortable tugging in his chest and anger started to rise up in his stomach. How could he be so stupid! This was his idea, he wanted to get back together with her and then he goes and pulls some bullshit when he's supposed to be getting to know her parents. To be fair, he got to know those curves on her mother pretty well. They're mapped out as accurately as-

No! That's what started this issue! Focus!

Shaking his head, Ryan turned his attention back to the sad looking mare on his bed. He took a breath, flinching slightly as he pushed the door open with a slight creak to follow.

Rainbow's head shot up from its spot on her legs, her eyes immediately locking onto him. Suddenly any trace of sadness that could be seen clear as day vanished and was replaced with something that the human was all too prepared to see. Before the door could even meet the wall, the mare on his bed was on her feet and walking toward him, her hands balled into tight little fists.

Ryan raised his hands defensively as her arm reeled back, ready to strike him at a moments notice. "Hey, hey, HEY!" She paused, keeping her arm back and flexed hard enough that the entire right half of her body was trembling. "Calm the fuck down, alright! I come in peace!"

"Well your leaving in pieces!" Her arm shot forward without further hesitation, but was caught before it could make contact.

Ryan surprised himself there; He didn't actually expect to catch her fist, but he did. His goal was to lessen the impact, but it would seem that luck is on his side today. "Dash, for once, can we just talk this out like normal people?" He saw the next one coming from a mile away. He jumped slightly, moving his foot back as she went to step on it. He then just barely ducked under her free arm swinging at him. He twisted the arm he was still holding, forcing her to turn around as he held it behind her back. "I said; Calm. Down."

"Fuck you!" Rainbow yelled in response, slamming the back of her head into the human's face.

Unwillingly, Ryan released her, placing a hand to his now bleeding lip. "Son of a bitch!"

Before he could even process the area around him, Ryan heard a roar as something crashed into his stomach, sending him back a few feet before landing painfully on the ground. There was a little extra weight on his waist and it wasn't hard to pinpoint what it was when its fist collided with his jaw.

Ow...

Again, a fist hit his face, this time on the other side.

Ow...

Then a third time, this one hitting him in the temple. He wanted this to go down at least a little more smoothly than their other fights, but it seemed that wouldn't be the case and his temper was already nearing its breaking point. He lifted an arm and caught the next swing.

No, no! Stop!

Rainbow's knuckles started to crack as Ryan's grip tightened on her fist, her angry expression melting away as pain started to envelop her hand.

You're gonna make it worse, you idiot!

A single loud grunt escaped the human as he shoved her off of him and rolled over so he could push himself up. He was barely back on his feet before the mare he had thrown charged him again. Much to his own surprise, his body remained unmoved as she collided with him.

Placing his hands on her shoulders, Ryan held her at an arm's length away from him. But, she fought on, grabbing his arms and pushing even harder, trying to knock him back down. Something snapped in the human's head and this was no longer him trying to work things out. This was a fight. One that he would win.

Ryan's arms gave out , bringing Rainbow's body closer to his. What the mare didn't see coming though was the knee that had launched up and hit her straight in the gut. With the wind knocked out of her, she was left stunned long enough for the human to make his move.

One hand reached out and grabbed handful Rainbow's multi-colored hair, the other latched onto the waistline of her shorts. With the adrenaline pumping through his veins, Ryan had virtually no issues as he effortlessly threw her across the room and head-first into the wall behind him.

The force of the impact caused Rainbow's forehead to create a hole in the drywall. Luckily, she managed to avoid getting thrown into a stud. That probably would have been nasty otherwise.

Spinning around, she caught sight of Ryan coming at her and ducked just as his fist was about to hit her. His hand went through the wall, right next to where she had hit. Taking advantage of his miss, she lunged into his body once again, shoving him backwards.

Ryan's legs were forced to move as Rainbow pushed him, one of them catching the coffee table and knocking him off-balance. He fell, his back smashing into the table and breaking it under their combined weight.

Being back on top, Rainbow went to swing at him again, but he was quick to react this time. His legs planted themselves against the floor and his pelvis shot up with an impressive amount of force; Enough to send her off of him and onto the couch, which tipped over and tumbled backward as a result.

Rainbow rolled across the floor, narrowly escaping the turned over couch. Unfortunately, that left her vulnerable to Ryan's next attack. Using the couch, he propelled himself into the air and dropped on top of her, his shoulder slamming into her back.

This could have been a moment to be proud of, but during the impact his arm let out a sickening pop, causing more pain to himself than expected. The two got back up as quickly as they could, but Ryan was distracted by his arm, giving it a once over with his eyes. It was hanging down like a wet noodle and he found it hard to move. If he was going to have any chance, he needed to fix this.

That thought barely got a chance to finish going through his head. What did manage to get through it though were a few shards of glass. During his little inspection, Rainbow grabbed a nearby picture frame and swung it like a baseball bat into the side of his face.

Rarity's hand remained closed over her mouth, her other hand rubbing it fingers roughly against each other as she tried to find the words to explain this to her friend. For the past few minutes, all she's done is stand in place, or pace around in circles. If the floor weren't made of Crystal, Twilight would be fearful of a path being worn into the floor.

"Oh, I don't know!" Rarity announced, annoyed by her own failure to come up with a simple explanation. "I can't even begin to explain it. It hardly makes any sense to me either." She crossed her arms, stomping one of her feet to emphasize her frustration. "Something just doesn't feel right!"

Applejack glanced over at Twilight from across the room, giving her a certain look. Unknown to Rarity, the concerns she was voicing was shared among their group and was being lightly investigated.

Trying to console her friend, Twilight moved in and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I know you're worried about him, Rarity; We all are." She said, hoping to bring the unicorn at ease to know that she was alone in her concern for the human. "But, if it's bothering you that much, why haven't you gone down to talk to him?"

Rarity let one of her arms fall, rubbing it with her hand. "I don't know. It's just...what if he doesn't want to see me?" She asked, looking genuinely hurt by the thought. "I mean, Dashie is there every day! She's probably keeping him comfortable and helping him deal with everything...Although, I feel she's doing more damage than anything else"

Applejack kept her words to herself, but giggled. The more Rarity went on the more important their case became.

Twilight, being the analyst she was, was adding up everything Rarity has told her. Going through all of this, combined with her last statement; Her eyes widened a bit, a thought having occurred that may be the source of her distressed friend's problem. "Rarity...do you feel threatened Rainbow Dash?"

Rarity huffed at the accusation being presented, brushing the alicorn's hand from her shoulder as she took on a more defensive approach. "Of course not! Perish the thought!" She all but snapped at Twilight. "What could she possibly possess to make me feel threatened by her?"

Twilight will be taking a risk saying this, but she feels like it's what she needs to hear. "Ryan..."

Rarity opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Her sour expression melted away as a weight built up in her chest and her demeanor became weak. "Well...you've seen how he's been acting lately. Since they got together it's like he's...I don't know...Reverting?"

Twilight couldn't say Rarity was wrong. She's noticed the way he's been during his relationship and it was making room for concern for everyone except Rainbow. She wanted to help, but didn't know how. There's yet to be an opportunity to drive this forward. And seeing her friend like this didn't bring her any amount of comfort.

Though it left Twilight in a bind, this was just what Applejack needed to start bringing things to the surface. "Hows about you and I go out for a little bit?" She suggested, "We can go for a short walk and maybe even stop by Ryan's place to see how he's doing."

She felt like going near him was a bad idea, but didn't want to turn down the chance. Maybe all she needs is some company to help keep her strong. It would be nice not having to confront the couple alone. Putting on a weak smile, she nodded. "Y-yes, that sounds delightful."

Rarity made for the the front door with Applejack coming up behind her. However, the cowpony was brought to a stop before she could get to far.

Twilight, now holding Applejack by the arm, pulled her close. "What are you doing!?" She whispered to her in a reprimanding tone. "We need to get all the facts before we start making moves!"

Applejack put on a sour look and yanked her arm back. "Ah am not gonna let her drag that poor colt back down that path!" She hissed in response. "Everything was going fine until she got involved with 'em. Ah refuse to let her ruin him!"

Twilight wanted to argue, but knew it was pointless. "Fine! But, I'm coming with!" She said, pausing for a minute to think it through real quick. "But secretly...Can't have Rainbow thinking we're ganging up on her. It'll just make her mad."

"That's probably a good idea." Applejack finished before chasing after Rarity.

The two exited the castle, Rarity making a beeline straight for Ryan's house with Applejack following beside her. From the back of the castle, Twilight took to the air to watch over her friends from above.

The walk was silent, for the most part. They would pass by other ponies, some greeting them with pleasant smiles, others going about their day to day lives and minding their own business. Everything with the world seemed normal enough. They were the only ones that appeared to be out of place.

When the human's house finally came into view, Rarity stopped. Her legs felt heavy, or as if they had been cemented to the ground. She let out a soft squeal as she tried to force herself to continue, but to no avail.

Applejack took notice of this immediately and waited for her friend. "You alright, sugarcube?" She asked, receiving a confirming nod in response from Rarity. Clearly this was difficult for her unicorn friend, but she couldn't let this chance pass her by. "Let's get movin' then."

Rarity swallowed and directed her attention toward the house, giving herself a hushed pep-talk to help power her through the next few feet. "Everything's alright." She said to herself. "He'll be more than happy to see you. He always is! Just keep moving and everything will be-"

Her happy thoughts were interrupted by a loud crash that brought both her and Applejack to a dead stop as they watched something fly through the front window. It landed in the front yard, breaking into two separate pieces, both of which rolled across the dirt a short ways before stopping just a few inches from each other.

If that wasn't shocking enough, whatever had been thrown out was moving. Both ends of the separated object started to bend in odd ways before getting up and standing up straight in front of the other.

Applejack and Rarity's pupils shrunk dramatically as the scene started to reveal itself to them in the form of Rainbow Dash punching Ryan in the face and for him to respond in kind. Without further delay, they started running in to put a stop to the fight.

Dash dodged one of his swings, which was easy seeing how he only had one arm that could actually do anything, and went to get behind him. She tried to get an arm around his neck again, but his own arm shot back, catching her in the muzzle. She stumbled back, but didn't make it far.

Ryan reached behind him with his good arm, grabbing her by the back of the neck and pulling her forward. This resulted in her body being lifted off of the ground, her legs being sent into the air, then her back slamming onto the grass covered dirt below.

The fight likely would have continued from there, but neither Ryan nor Rainbow could find the will to go on. It was like all the adrenaline had left their body and now all they knew was pain. Next to that, a tiredness washed over them.

Dash, already being on the ground passed out almost instantly. Ryan stumbled, struggling to stay upright before his legs finally gave out and he collapsed on his side.

Twilight hovered above her friends, a look of dread taking over her features as the light on her horn faded out. What she was observing caused her stomach to turn. "Applejack was right..." She said to no one in particular. "This is worse than I thought."

The ponies on foot got up to the house in record time after witnessing Ryan and Rainbow come crashing through a window, only to collapse shortly after. They gasped when they were finally close enough to see the two passed out individuals in the front yard. Both were bloody and beaten in ways they had never seen before.

Rainbow's muzzle was coated in her own blood, most of it looking as though it came from her nose. Both of her wings looked like they were in rough condition, the left one more so than the right. There were several cuts, bruises, and scratches adorning the rest of her body and even a particularly nasty looking bite on her shoulder.

Ryan was in no better condition. Blood was leaking from a large cut in his head, a small one under one of his eyes, his nose, and his bottom lip. Along with Rainbow, there were many other abrasions, swelling and so on. Another concern was his arm, which seemed to be hanging lower than it should be.

When Ryan finally awoke he found himself inside of a familiar, yet uncomfortably empty, house. Looking around he was only able to see a fraction of the carnage that had unfolded earlier. There were a few holes here, a dent there, an...entire wall that appears to missing...Come to think of it, he couldn't remember a lot of what happened. There were bits and pieces in his memory that were just gone. For the most part, it was broken down into; He and Rainbow got into a fight, fists were thrown, shit got fucked up. That's the best way he can describe it.

Back onto the topic of things missing, the window by the front door seems to be missing something. Something important. Like, I don't know...Glass!

"Would you look at that..." Ryan said to no one in particular as he looked out of his now glassless window. He also noted something else that seemed out of place. Last he remembered, the couch was upside down. Instead, it was right side up and he was sitting in it. "...What?"

Trying to move, he found his right arm still pretty immobile. Glancing down at it, he got to work. He grabbed his bicep and lifted his arm until he felt the two bones meet then shoved them together. It hurt, but he powered through the pain. With one more solid push it popped. "FFFFF...fuck..."

He took a few seconds to breathe before testing his arm out. It was working find for the most part. The soreness was bothersome, but he'll live. With that taken care of, he can go about figuring out what the damage around the house was and why so many things were missing.

As he went to get up, a hand grabbed the arm he just fixed and pushed him back into the seat. His teeth gritted as pain shot through the appendage and he fell back to his seat. "None of that, mister!" A voice said from behind him with an authoritative tone. "You're going to stay right there until I say otherwise."

It took him a second to process that voice. If his head weren't so fuzzy then he'd have recognized it in a heartbeat. "Rarity?" He began, turning his head as she walked around the couch and went beside him, a large bowl in resting in her lap as she took her seat. "What are you doing here?"

Without responding, Rarity grabbed a dark rag from the bowl. It was soaking wet. Water dripped from the rag into the bowl as she strained it with one hand. When enough of the fluid was out, she lifted it to the human's face, which recoiled slightly.

"What are you doing?" Ryan asked with a bit of an attitude. The mare growled slightly and leaned in with the rag again. This resulted in the same thing that happened last time. "Fuck off-" Pain shot through his nose like a horde of buffalo charging through a dessert. "Ow! Ow! OW! OW!"

With his nose pinched between her thumb and index finger, Rarity pulled the human's face close to hers, her eyes glaring daggers at him as she did so. "Knock it off!"

"Alright already!" Ryan yelled, submitting as quickly as possible to bring an end to the agony in his face. She released him and he reeled back, placing a hand over his nose out of instinct. "Fuck!"

Rarity grabbed his hand and pulled it away, leaning in with the rag to clean what blood remained on his face. She started at his nose, which started bleeding again after she let go. She wouldn't admit it at this very moment, but she felt shitty about that. Thankfully it didn't bleed for long, so she was able to rinse the rag in the bowl and move on to the next spot.

The next target was the cut under his eye. The area around it was swollen, so she made sure to keep her touches as delicate as possible. She stole a glance at his eyes. They seemed vacant and empty; He must be zoning out. Now, while he's off in his own little world, would probably be the best way for her to get some answers out of him.

"Ryan..." He blinked, in response, but did nothing else. "Would you mind telling me what happened earlier?" He didn't answer straight away, but he answered.

"I can't...I can't really remember a lot of it." He said in a almost dazed tone.

Rarity would probably be more concerned with how he was acting if not for the lump on his head. Something must have hit him pretty hard. He might even have a concussion...And Twilight put him to sleep...Here comes the anxiety.

Choosing to remain strong, she hid her worry away and continued to pry. "What can't you remember?"

"The fight, mostly."

"Can you remember what happened before that?" She asked, hoping to figure out what caused it.

"I...I came home." Ryan began, trying to put the pieces together himself as well. "I found Dash in my room crying. She was still pissed about last night."

Rarity nodded, dipping the rag once more before moving to clean the cut on his head. "What happened last night?"

One of Ryan's arms twitched, like he was trying to shrug but failing. "I met her parents...openly ogled her mother...then found an unorthodox way to get us both the hell out of there."

While she was tempted to ask what it was he had done to get out of Cloudsdale, she didn't think she had the stomach for it at this point in time. One thing she found particularly interesting was how calm Ryan seemed to be. Now that Rainbow wasn't around him, it's like he's more relaxed. "What happened when you got home?"

Chewing on his cheek, he recounted the events that took place. "She was mad, obviously. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out." He chuckled a bit to himself before continuing. "She was ready to throw fists the second she saw me. I told her to calm down, that we can work this out like normal people...I would have been willing to let her hit me a few times just to get it out of her system, but she didn't give me the chance to make the offer."

"She went to hit me, I caught it. Again, I told her to calm down." Ryan nodded, as if confirming to himself what happened. "She took exception to that and got me pretty good in face. After that, she tackled me and hit me again...and again...and again..."

Rarity was already displeased with the situation, but more so with Rainbow for not even trying to talk it out with him. Sure, what he did was crude, piggish, and completely disrespectful. But, at least he tried to take a diplomatic approach and didn't turn to violence right off the bat.

"Somewhere in there I guess I...snapped...then everything gets a little blurry." Ryan finished, his eyes scanning the room more thoroughly. "Where is Rainbow anyway?"

"Twilight took her to the castle to tend to her wounds." Rarity explained, "You were both so battered that we thought it best to separate you. On the bright side, neither of your injuries appeared to be serious enough to require medical treatment."

"Lucky me..." Ryan fell silent again, staring off at nothing while his friend continued to play nurse.

Rarity let out a drawn out breath, placing the rag back in the bowl, then moving the bow to the floor. Looking at Ryan, her hands resting on top of each other in her lap, she prepared herself for the more difficult part of this. "I think we need to have a talk, darling."

"Haven't we been talking this whole time?" He jokingly responded.

"Ryan, I'm serious." Rarity hissed, "We need to have a talk about your relationship."

The human leaned his head back and groaned. "I know! It needs work!"

"It needs to end." She said, cutting to the chase.

"...What?"

Despite her injuries, Rainbow Dash was still a force to be reckoned with. That being a fact, Twilight took a step back, smiling nervously at her friend. The pegasus was propped up in one of the thrones while she went about patching her up, making it a point to pick her brain about everything that had transpired earlier. And now, because of a misplaced comment, was having daggers stared into her soul.

"I-I mean...I don't think that either of you are really ready for a proper relationship." Twilight elaborated, hoping to save herself in this situation. "Y-you both live such...turbulent lifestyles. There are a- a lot of similarities, but also a few key differences." She went on to say, praying to Celestia that Dash wouldn't leap out of that chair and try to fight her too. "But, it's the similarities that can potentially harm both of you."

"Look at it this way!" Twilight began, pulling a chalkboard from...somewhere and drawing up a diagram for Dash to follow.

"The problem, darling, is that you're simply too much alike." Rarity finished, waiting patiently for a response.

Ryan raised a brow at her, confused by what she was saying. "How is that a bad thing."

"I know you don't understand it, but that's because you're not seeing it from an outside perspective." Rarity explained, speaking equally with her hands as she was with her mouth. "In most cases, two ponies being similar is a good thing. But, in yours and Dashie's case, it's a...less than adequate combination."

Ryan gave her a look as if to say 'Go on'.

Rarity found it difficult to elaborate, but felt as though it was needed. "Well, I don't say this out of spite, so please don't take offense, but-"

"And what happens when an unstoppable force meets another, equally unstoppable force?" Twilight asked, not bothering to wait for an answer as she pointed a a sketch on the board. "At some point, the roads they travel meet. If two forces of such magnitude and power should ever come upon each other it would spell disaster." She emphasized the word 'disaster' by writing it down on the board and underlining it several times.

Rainbow was staring at the drawings with a bored expression, waiting for Twilight to look at her so she could share her input. "You lost me as soon as the board came out."

"That!" Twilight announced, pointing the chalk at her. "That right there is what I'm talking about."

"Please understand, I'm not saying this to hurt you." Rarity pleaded, seeing a look in his eyes that she didn't recognize. "It's just...You're both alike in all the wrong ways; The drinking, the fighting, running around and causing trouble, your short tempers. Those just do not mix well with somepony with the same issues."

Ryan considered her words. It made sense and all, but he was conflicted. He started this relationship with intent to make it work to the best of his abilities. He didn't want to just call a quits because of a rough patch. But, if what Rarity was saying is true, there will be more of this down the line. Possibly worse.

Rarity was unsure of how to feel. Applejack and Twilight, before they all separated, explained how they were noticing the same thing she was. For a while, they thought they were the only ones and didn't want to jump to conclusions. But, after she pointed out noticing something too, they were sure they needed to act.

Twilight already had a plan and had discussed this arrangement with her. It played out so much easier in her head though. She didn't like making Ryan feel this way, but it was for the best. He was finally getting better. Things for him were starting to look up. Then he and Rainbow started dating and he fell right back into his old habits. Like she told him, they were alike in all of the wrong ways, and for a while Ryan was getting better. He was slowing down on his drinking and his attitude was improving. It still held the 'Ryan' aesthetic, but wasn't as cruel. He was starting to become something that could feel. Something that could live a life without constantly needing to be drunk to have a good time and smile.

Reminding herself of this over and over again was the only thing holding her together. Putting him through this hurt her deeply, but she couldn't let him go back to his old ways. She liked the new Ryan that was surfacing. He was a pleasure to be around...He was actually happy.

"Can I be alone?"

Rarity's ears flicked at the question. "I'm sorry, dear. But, are you sure that's what you want right now?"

Ryan nodded, "Yeah..."

Ears falling flat, Rarity got up from her seat and gave him a look, biting her lip nervously. "Okay...I'll be off then...If you need anything, my door is always open for you."

"I know." Ryan replied, nodding again.

Rarity left without further exchange, going down a path she wouldn't normally take to come here or go home. But, it was either this, or take the chance of bumping into Dash.

Rainbow, come back!" Twilight yelled after her friend.

The fuming pegasus ignored her alicorn friend, kicking open the front door and storming out of the castle, refusing to look back. It was second nature at this point to walk to Ryan's house rather than fly to her own. She doubts she could even if she wanted to, given her fractured wings. That hardly mattered though. All that mattered now was getting back to her coltfriend so they could go to bed and forget about this whole terrible day.

It didn't bother her that the sun was still up. She just wanted this horrible day to come to an end and for things to go back to the way they were. Wiping away tears she didn't know were there, she continued to move at a steady pace to her second home.

What a day...

Ryan took a breath and stared up at his ceiling. After everything that's happened, he was ready for a break. Forget that, he was BEGGING for one. It was in the back of his head, but still. Getting someone like him to beg for anything is a difficult feat to accomplish. Not that there's a single god in any known universe that would give him one. But, it's the thought that counts, right?

"Fuck my life..." He muttered, looking out of his window hole. The sun was till up; He wasn't happy about it, but it was up. "Why can't it be night time so I can go to sleep and just fucking forget today?"

"Rough day?"

Ryan jumped a bit, his body turning to see Applejack standing behind him smiling. "Jesus, fuck!" He said breathlessly, placing his hands to his head and dragging them down his face. "Is everyone allowed in despite my wishes? Is that how this works? Is my house just forfeit now?"

Applejack glanced around with an odd look about her. "Well...at this very moment, Ah'd have to say 'Yes'."

Going over how his house looked again, his mistake became clear. "Yeah, that was...that was stupid..."

Hopping over the couch, Applejack set herself down in the spot Rarity was in not too long ago. "Heard it was a heck of a throw-down though."

"Does everyone know?" Ryan asked uncomfortably.

Applejack nodded, helping to ease the troubled human's mind. "No pony but myself, Twilight, and Rarity." This calmed him down some, but he still looked bothered. "Something on your mind?"

"A lot." Ryan said matter-of-factly.

"If you'd like, we could go down to mah place and talk about it." Applejack suggested, trying to find a way to get him out of the house.

Ryan nodded, "I really don't feel like-"

"Granny's making that soup you like so much." She added with a cocky look about her.

Ryan fell silent as he let that mull over in his head for a moment. "...I do love that soup."

Applejack wore a triumphant look as she climbed of of the couch and reached down to take his hand. "Let's get goin' then." She said, pulling him up when he grabbed hold of her.

"Don't worry, ah'll help ya." Applejack added, throwing one of his arms over her shoulder to get him to her place faster. She took him down a route he wasn't quite familiar with, but he was still a little too disoriented to care.

In virtually no time at all, she got onto the porch and opened the front door, letting herself in. She was surprised by the lack of broken everything; Knowing for a fact that nearly every piece of furniture had been destroyed by them during their little scuffle. Shoving those thoughts aside for now, she went back to the task at hand. Find human, snuggle, pass out, start over tomorrow.

"Hello!" Closing the door behind her, she started walking around the house. "Anybody home?" Silence was all she got in response. Her chest felt heavy and she started searching the whole house for any sign of her coltfriend. "Ryan?...Ryan!"

Author's Note

This is probably gonna be the last thing I write for a while. Goodbye my lovely little stories. Hello BIG ass project!
That aside, I'm curious to know how people will respond to this installment. I feel like hate will be a thing. Not sure why, but I'm feeling hate coming from this. Please comment below and let me know how you all feel so I can decide what to do in the future.
Also let me know of any typos cause this was edited by me and not a professional. I'm also very tired...

The Oncoming Storm

Author's Note

Hi! Guess what!
I'm fujcked up right now so editing this is prob;ly gonna be hell in the mornign!
But, fuck it!
FUck LIFE!!!
Real quick, I mad e a discord, fore those qwho dom't know so, ere's the link- https://discord.gg/WbMXxv5

Edit: To everyone on the Discord...Sorry about the drunken ramblings and the bullshit I may have caused. But yeah, I made a server a while ago while drunk...I don't know what else to say about it really. It's mine so it's kinda full of fuckery, I guess.
As a side note; Yes, this was a bitch to edit cause I was all over the goddamn place. Not to mention I'm not quite right in the head at the moment, so please point out any mistakes so that I can fix them as soon as possible.
As usual; If you enjoyed this chapter, be sure to slap that like button like a bitch and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

The Oncoming Storm

"How'd ya like it, hun?" Granny Smith asked, grabbing the empty bowl that rested in front of the rough looking human.

"Perfection, as always." Ryan answered with a smile as the elderly mare collected the rest of the dishes on table. "Thanks, Granny."

Looking across the table, Apple Bloom was still going on about something that her and her friends did earlier today. Applejack sat beside him, actually paying attention to her sister's story, and Big Mac wasn't too far off either. The two of them listened to their youngest sibling with smiles adorning their faces while the only non-pony in the room remained lost in his thoughts.

He had been like this since he arrived back at the farm with AJ, only breaking free when he was addressed specifically or tackled by a small filly.

How something so small can be so strong is beyond anything I can understand...

Even that comment, the one made by his own brain, went completely over his head. The stress of the situation prior to coming to the Orchard was still weighing heavily on his mind and his thoughts were a jumbled mess with only brief periods of sane words. He asked himself over and over what the hell he was gonna do, but that didn't get him an answer. In fact, it probably stressed him out more.

Doing his best to hold back the sigh that desperately wanted to escape him, he pulls his focus back to the group. Granny appears to be elsewhere, but the rest of the Apples are laughing. He must have missed something pretty funny; Or mediocre, knowing the sense of humor of most ponies in this world. It could very well be either of those...probably mediocre though.

Part of him was happy that he wasn't alone, and that things with him and the Apples were alright, but another part of him just wanted to go home and forget about today. If it were up to him, he would have done just that. But lord knows that Dash is probably back there waiting for him, ready for round two.

What am I going to do with you?

Applejack turned her attention to the human, noticing his lack of movement in her peripheral vision. He seemed troubled, which wasn't all that surprising, given how the day has gone for him so far. It bothered her seeing him so vulnerable, so closed off from the rest of the world even while standing in its dead center, so to speak. In this moment, she almost missed the old Ryan, who would do anything he wanted if it meant he could get a laugh out of it.

At least then he was more lively.

She had to shake those thoughts out of her head. Though she wasn't too fond with the transition period, it would all be worth it when he finally comes back out of his shell. Patience is key here. But still, it hurt her to see him like this. There has to be something she could do.

If Pinkie's logic applied to everyone else, the light bulb over her head would be visible to all as it sparked to life. "Hey, Ryan." She began, facing the vacant-eyed human as she finally got his attention. "How about you go wash up and ah'll meet ya upstairs in a few; Sound like a plan?" Her voice was low and sultry, her southern accent only managing to add an extra 'Umph' to her tempting tones as she fluttered her eye lashes at him a few times.

Ryan appeared to be mulling over the idea for a little bit before shrugging his shoulders and standing up. "Yeah, why the hell not." He said, going over to give Apple Bloom a quick hug before making his way upstairs. "I'll see you in a hot minute."

Applejack's eyes followed him up the stairs before turning back to her family still sitting at the table. Both of her siblings were giving her a look, one that was able read rather easily. "I'm sorry, but ah can't stand to see him like that!" She whisper yelled to them. "It just aint right, ya know."

Big Mac could understand where she was coming from, he saw how his alien friend was acting and he was no more comfortable with it than her. But still, her way of solving the problem was a bit...immature? "And yer way of helpin' him is by making-" He paused, glancing at his youngest sibling before continuing. "THAT kind of offer?"

"It's worked before." Applejack argued with a shrug. "That's how he usually deals with his problems. A quick-" Now it was her turn to glance at Apple Bloom. "ROMP is typically his go-to solution for dealin' with stress."

"Y'all realize that I know what yer talkin' about, right?" Apple Bloom cut-in, feeling a little annoyed with her older siblings for trying to keep it PG with her around. It's not like she was clueless, she's heard the noises her sister makes when Ryan stays over. Even a nine year old could figure it out.

That being said, she felt as though she was ahead of her kin right now, having paid attention to the human's word choice when he was climbing the stairs.

Big Mac nodded his head. He wasn't mad at his sister, she was only doing what she thought would help Ryan. And right now, they all wanted him to be happy again. Not that he agreed with how she was going about it, but if she was so sure that it would work, then he wasn't going to stop her. "By all means, have at it then."

Waving off her brother's comment, ignoring the tension that had built just now, Applejack rose from her seat and traveled up the stairs without further exchange. Now she was the one who needed a bit of stress relief.

Apple Bloom looked up at Big mac, who was staring at the staircase as he leaned back, crossing his arms as he sat there quietly. She had no real expression as her gaze followed his and she leaned back in her own seat as well. "He aint gonna be up there, ya know."

Mac raised a brow, angling his head toward his little sister. "Pardon?"

"When he left he said that he would see her in a 'hot minute'." Apple Bloom explained, "I don't know what y'all have heard, but every time ah've heard him say that it usually implies a long period of time rather than an actual minute."

The stallion took a few seconds to think this over. She was right; Every time he's heard Ryan use the phrase 'hot minute' it was typically after he had gone a while without doing something or seeing somepony. Not long after he made this revelation, the screams of an angry mare could be heard from upstairs.

"Where in the haystack is he!?"

Apple Bloom wore small, cocky grin at the sound of her sister yelling. "Told ya..."

You just walked out on the opportunity to get back into bed with the cowpony...What the fresh fuck is wrong with you?

It wasn't like he didn't want to break the walls in that sweet, toned pony's body. But, it didn't feel right at the moment. He just wasn't feeling it right now and actually preferred to just talk to someone. When it came to talking, and not about mathematics, dresses, or like you just did a line of coke, there was only one pony he could think of to go to.

I can't help but feel like; If this girl wasn't such a sweetheart, she'd cut you in half with a chainsaw.

"That is a dark image you are putting into my head." Ryan took a few seconds to dote on that, finding the thought oddly appealing. He mentally created the image of a homicidal Fluttershy standing naked in front of him with a chainsaw. All while he's tied down to a chair, unable to fight back as she pulls the cord, her voluptuous body rippling from the aggressive motion. Arms out straight, shaking from the now running engine on the machine, causing her breasts to bounce lightly, she raises the saw up high only to slowly lower down onto his-

Ryan blinked HARD a few times, shaking his head to get that image as far away from him as possible. "What the fresh fuck is wrong with me?"

I don't know whether to be aroused or terrified...

"A little of both, maybe?"

Finding that particular train of thought to be more confusing than anything else, he decided not to dwell on it and continue on his quest to Fluttershy's cottage. He'd be lying if he said it didn't take too long, or that he didn't have to stop a few times to survey his surroundings. He knew how to get there from his own house, but that extra stretch given by the orchard through off his compass a little bit.

In time, he did find himself in familiar territory and got back on track. After that, getting to her humble abode was a breeze. He hardly saw any animals as he made his final approach to the cottage. Using that, he assumed that she was home. There wasn't any real evidence to back his theory there, but judging from the sun, the day was only half over, if even. And if he knows Fluttershy, which he does in some ways, she's probably in her house feeding the horde of small animals.

Ryan got up to the door and raised his fist to knock, but stopped as a thought occurred. Maybe he shouldn't bother the poor girl. It's not like his presence was something to behold. In fact, in his eyes, it was something to dread. Her day is probably going as good as it can and all him showing up will do is ruin it for her.

A slight pang in his chest as that thought came was all he needed to recede, lowing his hand back to his side as he took several steps away from the door.

Well...Now I'm depressed...Let's just go back home and...I don't know, chug a handle of rum.

If it weren't for his sheer willpower, tears would be working their way out of his eyes. He wasn't sure why, but he felt like a burden, a nuisance. Normally it wouldn't bother him, but lately it's been the bane of his existence. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hold himself together, so he quickly turn back and-

"Ouch!"

"Fuck!" It's not too often that something scares Ryan, but that caught him completely off guard. What made it worse though is that the he just bumped into was the exact pony he was trying to avoid. But, in that moment of embarrassment, his old nature grabbed hold of him once more whilst he rubbed his now sore chin. "Christ, Shy; You scared the shit out of me!"

His words not quite registering yet, Fluttershy held her eyes shut while her hand rested on her throbbing forehead. "I'm sorry." She began, her kind nature making her concern shift from her own well-being to the human's. "I didn't mean to."

Taking a breath, Ryan calmed himself. His attention became focused solely on her and the damage he had caused. "Here, let me take a look at it." The pegasus made no attempt to fight him as he grabbed her hand and pulled it from her face. There was a red mark where she had bumped into him, but nothing serious. "You should be fine, but you may wanna ice it just to be safe."

Holding her hand firmly in his own, he pulled her toward her own home. "Come on, let's get you patched up."

"This is your last warning!" Rainbow Dash screamed, the rage in her voice nearly being enough to start the whole house on fire. Fortunately, her words weren't that powerful. Unfortunately, some of the projectiles being launched at the farm pony may be capable of doing such a thing.

Applejack ducked behind the flipped kitchen table, just barely dodging a hot pan her 'friend' grabbed off of the stove and whipped in her direction. Sure that she was safe, she turned her attention to the rest of her family, who were in no better a position than her. Though, her youngest sibling was at least armed with a wooden spoon. She'll get an A for effort, but it likely won't be helping them out of this situation.

A situation of which was starting to get very annoying for one particular mare. "Would ya stop already!" Applejack hollered over the sound of Dash tearing apart her home so she could keep hurling random objects at them.

"Not until you tell me where you're hiding him!" Rainbow announced, throwing a potted plant and a number of forks at the table. "I already got it out of Twilight; I know he's here somewhere. Now tell me where!"

If Applejack had a mouth like Ryan's, the next words out of her mouth would have been 'well fuck...' but the look on her face said that for her. "Okay, ah admit it!" She yelled, bringing the onslaught of flying kitchen utensils to a stop. "He was here earlier, but he took off."

All the Apples heard was a low grow as an entire drawer flew over their heads and smashed against the wall. "That's a load of horse apples and you know it!" She shouted, obviously not believing at least the second part of her statement. "He's here, I know he is. Don't lie to me!"

Okay, now this was getting personal. "Ah am the element of honesty, you feather-brained, twat!"

"Applejack!" Came a displeased voice from the elderly mare, cowering behind Big Mac.

"Not now, Granny!" AJ retorted, not feeling like dealing with bullshit from both ends of the room. "Look, Dash; I done told you the honest truth. He was here, ah turned mah back for two minutes, then he was gone."

"Where did he go, then!?"

Letting her anger get the better of her, Applejack rose up just enough for her head to be over the edge of their wooden barrier. "Now how the buck am ah supposed to know!?" She said with more than a hint of venom. "He. Left. While mah back was turned! Are you that buckin' stupid that you-"

Applejack fell back as a large bar of soap was nearly sent soaring down her esophagus. If she didn't bring her teeth down when she did, it very well would have. Quickly sitting up, she caught a glimpse of Rainbow Dash charging out of the front door and running to Celestia-knows-where.

With that headache out of the way, she could get started on the next one; Cleaning up the mess that darn pegasus made when she came crashing in like a pissed off Yak. Spitting out the soap bar, she was going to ask if her family was alright, but that taste in her mouth was making it difficult to speak properly.

From behind Mac, Granny Smith peaked out once more, shooting her granddaughter a dirty look. "You deserved that last one, ya potty-mouth."

With the two now settled in comfortably on the living room couch, there was little to distract them while the only human to walk this plane of existence got to work on his not-quite-so-injured friend. With a bag of frozen peas held in his hand, Ryan pressed its cold exterior to the small lump on Fluttershy's forehead. She winced from the sudden freezing sensation, but kept herself still for the most part. It wasn't pleasant by any means, but it was a small price to pay to keep the swelling down.

Offering a grateful smile to one of her few furless friends, she thanked him out loud before letting the room fall into an odd silence. It wasn't quite comfortable silence, but it wasn't completely awkward by any means either. Though she wanted to say something, Ryan seemed pretty focused on making sure she was okay.

Taking one of her hands in his free one, he placed it on the bag so that he would no longer have to hold it any longer. Now free to do as he pleased, he figured the least he could do was offer her something. "Do you need me to get you something; Water, oats, fuckin'...anything?"

This actually earned the smallest laugh from Fluttershy as she looked at him with her large eyes, now holding the bag to her head on her own. "Not at all. I'm perfectly fine; Thank you."

Ryan let out a breath that made his cheeks puff out a bit. "Are you sure? Cause it's no trouble, really."

"Positive." She confirmed with a nod, still looking him over as a certain thought occurred. Not really a thought per say, moreover, one particular memory that got another light giggle out of her. "It's funny how history seems to repeat itself."

Being completely lost to what she was referring to, all the human could offer in return to her statement was a questioning, "Huh?"

"Don't you remember?" Fluttershy shifted a bit in her seat so she would be closer to Ryan. "This is almost like how we first met."

In fact, Ryan did remember that day; It was during his first week in Ponyville. He was living with Rarity at the time while preparations on his house were being finalized. The fashionista insisted that her go visit her critter-loving friend and, like an idiot, he agreed to go out an meetup with her.

"Not even a little!" Ryan all but yelled, "You got a love-tap from my face. I thought I was gonna fuckin' die!"

Fluttershy waved off his tone with her free hand, knowing he didn't mean anything by it. "Don't be silly. Harry would never even think about hurting anypony."

"Then why was he chasing me?"

"He thought you were playing." Fluttershy continued to defend, "He told you this himself."

Ryan shot her a deadpan look. Just because she has the power to talk to animals doesn't mean that everyone else does! "Even so..." He began, trying to avoid getting into an argument about her animal's habits. "I'm pretty sure the roles were reversed. You see, I was the one with the lump on their head and you were the one holding getting the peas."

"I was so worried." She squeaked, thinking back to when she found him on the ground, a previously low hanging branch sitting beside him, separated from the tree due to the impact. "You hit that branch really hard."

We were running for our lives! I don't care what she says!! That motherfucker tried to eat us!!!

"Yeah, I did. It wasn't fun." Despite the rather less-than-adequate meeting between the two, they hit it off pretty well. At least, as well as someone as kind as her can hit it off with someone as boorish as him. Though, the memory did tickle his funny-bone a little and he could see how this reminded her of that. "Damn, I haven't thought about that in a hot minute."

"Me either; It's nice to look back on things like that." Fluttershy's expression became something rather comical as she registered just how that last sentence came out. "Not that find it funny to think about you getting hurt! I just meant that it's nice to look back on good things!" Realizing she had, once again, messed up, she went back in to save herself. "Not that I think you getting hurt is a good thing! I just meant that-"

"Shush!" Ryan exclaimed, a hand now held over her mouth to make her stop sounding like a more panicked version of Pinkie Pie. "Calm down, I know what you were trying to say." He said, removing his hand from her muzzle as she visibly relaxed. "It is nice to look back on things."

It would be if we didn't fuck up every step we've taken so far.

That thought was mildly depressing as he was reminded that most of his past is just one fuck up after another. He's done everything from hurting others in every sense of the way to straight up ruining lives, his own included. Though he tried his best to hide it, his shame did show just enough for the perceptive, yellow pony-girl to take notice.

Having not spent a whole lot of time with Ryan during his stay in Equestria, Fluttershy wasn't sure how to approach the issue. Something was clearly bothering him and she wanted to make him feel better. But, she's heard plenty of stories on how he reacts when called out on his feelings. Especially the sadder ones.

Then an idea came to mind. A nice balance to help ease his mind without coming off as if she was prying for information. It also stayed on topic with their current conversation, so it wouldn't come off weird. "What do you think is your favorite memory?"

Don't even have to think about it.

A half-smile appeared on Ryan's face as his brain jumped to what was probably the only good memories he had. "Spending time with my dog." He answered as he cycled through all of the time he spent with his first pet. "I remember the first day I held him. Nothing has ever made me that happy."

"I was about eleven or twelve years old when he was born; A black and white English/American bulldog." Ryan continued, skipping over the details of the actual birth. This girl was an animal expert, she knows how it goes. "I knew it the second I saw him; I was taking him home with me. The first time I held him he was still too young to open his eyes. He crawled out of my lap and wiggled his way into my jacket and dozed off against my arm."

Having disregarded the bag of frozen peas during his recounting of events, Fluttershy had her hands cupped over her mouth. Both of which curled into fists as she pictured a younger, more innocent version of Ryan hugging a newborn, bulldog puppy. It was so cute she could barely contain herself. "That's so precious!"

To be honest, she never saw Ryan to be the pet owner type. He was usually so focused on drinking, partying, or really just himself in general that he would never have time to care for a pet. But, hearing that he was a pet owner at one point did make her feel like they were finally establishing some common ground.

She was tempted to ask about his pet now, but thought that to be a sensitive topic what with him being stuck here now. So, she moved on to the next best thing. "Could he do any tricks?"

Scratching his head, Ryan recounted a few things his dog picked up on while living with him. He wouldn't exactly call them tricks, but he's never known any other dogs to do them. "Well...He knew how to cheap shot men in order to steal their food."

This was nice. For once, a bad situation seemed to have been diffused and things were starting to calm down. The two expanded upon his pet's shenanigans, sticking to the topic of 'Funny Moments' with his dog. Unknown to either of them, something far worse than a rambunctious canine was headed their way, moving fast enough to leave a rainbow trail behind it.

Black Is The Soul

My fuckery senses are tingling...

Ryan wasn't sure how to interpret that. It was kinda just out of the blue and he was so invested in the conversation with Fluttershy that he didn't know how to process it. He quickly resigned himself to tuning back in to ol' Fluttertits- Fluttershy's!- story about how she and Angel met. It wasn't like he particularly cared for the little prick, as he found himself hating that rabbit for reasons that even he couldn't figure out, but she was excited to talk about it, so he tried to pay attention.

Personally, he found it strange how well things were going. On an average day, he would never even think about hanging out with her. And when he did, his attention was locked onto her chest more often than not. But, oddly enough, he's hardly even glanced at those monsters hanging off of her torso. It's like he's seeing her for the first time, beginning to notice the person behind that glorious bosom. And though his little buddy down south may not be happy about it, Ryan was actually content with how things were right now; Calm, quiet, and-

Incoming!!!

Ryan's eyes went wide as his body reacted purely on instinct, lunging forward and tackling the shy, yellow pegasus. The force put behind him was enough to throw both of them over the arm of the couch, landing on the floor behind the previously mentioned piece of furniture.

Fluttershy looked up at Ryan, a bit of fear shining through her eyes as her back became pressed to the ground. "Ryan! What-" She fell silent as the sound of her front door being kicked open reached her ears, causing them to fall flat against her head.

"Ryan!" A familiar voice called out, absolutely dripping with rage.

Ryan glanced behind him, unable to see the pony who had so rudely interrupted, what was beginning to turn into, a pleasant evening. With the couch in its current position, both him and Fluttershy were hidden from her sight as well. Turning back to face the mare beneath him, he places two fingers to her lips and quietly shushes her before slowly rolling to the side. No longer on top of the poor mare, he inched his way toward the kitchen on his stomach.

Let’s just army crawl our ass out of here and find a nice rock to hide under for the next few years.

Just as he was about to reach his destination, a small squeak, not too far from him, caught his attention. This was all he needed to figure out just how screwed he was. "Fuck..." No sooner than he had said that, a cyan blue hand grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him onto his feet. There was a moment where he contemplated running, but was spun around before he could even move his own feet. "Me..."

This habit Rainbow was developing for shoving her angry mug into his was starting to become a little too repetitive for Ryan's tastes. He would happily go back to how things were before, only having to deal with this sort of thing once every other week rather than the twelve times he has in the past twenty-four hours. However, the gods have yet to forgive him for his past crimes, so his hopes of going back in time to fix this was ignored.

We should have claimed our throne as the King of the Everfree.

“Still gotta wait for the blood moon, buddy.” Ryan responded to himself in a whisper.

"We are going home. Now!" Dash announced, not giving the human a second to argue against this as she wrapped her hand tightly around his wrist and pulled him toward the exit.

There was going to be hell to pay for this bullshittery she was pulling on him when things had finally started to calm down. But, surprisingly enough, it didn't come from him.

"Rainbow Dash, you stop right this minute!" Fluttershy yelled- if you can even call that yelling- as she got up from her spot on the floor. Dash froze for a few seconds, angling her head toward the cream-colored pegasus that was giving her a look that could make grown men shit themselves. "I don't know what's going on, but there is no reason for you to treat our friend like this."

Rainbow knew that stare Fluttershy was giving her. Those eyes of hers could bring a Lovecraftian Horror to its knees. Knowing this, she averted her gaze as to not fall under the same spell that so many others had in the past. If she stayed any longer, Shy would only try harder to get Ryan away from her, just like everyone else.

This thought continued to repeat itself in her head; They were trying to take him from her. But, why? That's what she couldn't figure out. Everything was fine before her so-called friends got involved. Sure, she and Ryan had a rough patch earlier today. Things got a little out of hand. But, that was it! Who doesn't have a simple altercation in their relationship?

Blinded by her own ignorance, Dash continued for the door with determination. Nothing was going to stand in the way of her-

"Ya best stop right there, sugarcube!" Much to her annoyance, something was indeed standing right in her way out of here. Both Applejack and Twilight had come to the rescue, the previously mentioned farm-pony standing in the doorway, her arms crossed as she glared at Rainbow Dash. "Y'all ain’t goin' nowhere if ah got anything to say about it."

Twilight remained still with unease within the cottage, staying close to AJ while she tried to formulate a peaceful resolution. "Rainbow Dash, please!" She begged, wanting nothing more than for all of this to end. "Hear us out. We just want what's best for both of you."

This was the last straw, she wasn't holding back anymore. Releasing the human from her grip, Dash took a few offensive steps toward the pair blocking her path. "What's best for us!" She snapped, her face now red with anger. "All you guys have done this entire time is keep us apart! How is that even close to being best for us!?"

"Rainbow, just listen. If you-" Twilight tried to reason with her friend. Unfortunately, no amount of words were going to deter her from her goal.

"No!" Rainbow spat, "I'm through listening to you; To any of you!"

Ryan slid back as he watched the chaos unfold; Twilight and Applejack trying to compromise while Rainbow Dash argued over and over how they were both wrong. After a while, even Fluttershy jumped in to help convince the irate mare that there was a much more peaceful solution to all of this. But the more they tried to persuade her, the angrier she got. The argument ensued far longer than any fight he had seen them have with each other. Things were said that cut deep. And with each verbal assault, a pit formed in Ryan’s gut that only grew deeper and deeper.

Look at what we did...

Ryan looked on in silence at the horrific scene before him. Dash and AJ were upon each other, throwing one another into walls and furniture while Twilight tried to separate them; Fluttershy standing in the corner crying as their friendship seemed to burn right before her eyes. Never before had he seen them so aggressive, especially with each other. They were best friends. But, because of his mistakes, they were falling apart.

Even when we try to do the right thing, we make things worse for everyone. We're just too toxic for them.

Guilt started to surface, his heart racing as he became reacquainted with a feeling he hoped never to face again; Hopelessness. For once in his life, he thought he was doing something right. He thought he was doing better. And for a while there, he felt so much better. But, of course, he was wrong. Every time he thinks things are starting to turn around, it comes back to bite him in the worst way; By hurting those he cares about.

I can't do this anymore...I just can’t fucking do it!

Unable to watch any longer, he quickly moved to the kitchen. Taking advantage of a bad situation, for probably the millionth time in a row, he left the room and made his escape out of the nearest window. Once outside, he started to run, tears beginning to form in his eyes as he broke into a full sprint. There was no conflict anymore, no harsher realities to face, no more signs needed. This has been a long time coming and there was no point in fighting it anymore.

We can't keep doing this to them!

Rainbow Dash struggled in her binds as Applejack finished hogtying her, preventing the fuming pegasus from making any more attempts to physically harm them. The rope in her mouth, that had been tied around to the back of her head, helped with her verbal attacks. After finishing the last knot, the farm pony got to her feet and rubbed her hands together.

"Well, that takes care of her." Applejack stated as she looked around Fluttershy's living space, noticing a certain something that just so happened to be missing. "You have got to be kidding me..." Frustrated, she placed a hand to her head to massage her temples. This disappearing act Ryan has taken a liking to was starting to get on her nerves.

Having calmed down a bit from earlier, Fluttershy took notice of her friend's displeasure and out of instinct went about trying to figure out what was causing it. It was then that she too noticed that her home was lacking a particular human. Confusion set in as she started looking about the room to locate him. "Where did he go?"

Twilight was about to say something, but was interrupted as Applejack took the initiative. "Ah'll find him." She declared, walking outside at a quickened pace to go about tracking him down. "Y'all take care of Dash while ah’m gone."

The two obeyed, picking up their tied up 'friend' with combined effort and moving her into another room while AJ searched outside for the missing human.

Applejack scanned the area, looking for any sign of Ryan. She almost missed him, just barely catching a glimpse of his backside charging straight into the Everfree Forest. Her eyes went wide at this. Quickly taking off after him, moving as fast as her legs could carry her, she darted across the cottage yard. Her feet practically soared through the stretch of land just before the forest, then into the forest itself. Dread filled her as she dodged trees, branches, and brush. It wasn't easy keeping up with him in this place. She could hardly see where she was going, let alone where he was. The only indication that she was even on the right track was the sound of his grunting as he maneuvered through the chaotic assortment of tree trunks and deadwood.

Being forced to go through the carnage that littered the Everfree made it feel as though she had been running for hours. Not to mention that it was beginning to physically feel that way as well. Her legs were tiring from the strenuous task of moving through this place and her lungs were burning as a result. Before much longer, she came upon a clearing; One that nearly killed her.

Applejack's legs locked up, her feet sliding across the gravel as she came to a stop just before reaching the edge of a cliff. Taking a few steps back, she leaned forward, resting her hands on her knees to catch her breath. Each breath she took was deep and greedy, her lungs sucking in as much oxygen as they could. This process ended sooner than she would have liked as an odd sound caught her attention.

Panting, Applejack stood to her full height and searched for the source of the noise. Her head turned in every direction as she struggled to pinpoint its location. At last, she spotted the one person she was looking for. There he stood, no more than a hundred yards from her, looking down the mountainside and into the unforgiving waters below. Flashes of the fire that almost claimed Ryan's life began surfacing in her head as worry and fear wracked her body from the inside. Slowly, she approached what was now a very emotionally fragile being.

"Happiness is found..." Ryan sang quietly to himself, unknowing of the pony creeping up behind him. "In the darkest ways." He places his right foot to the edge, letting the front half of it rest on nothing but the open air below him. "And as I search around, I've made nothing but mistakes."

A tear falls onto the toe of his left shoe, before he moves that foot as well and allows it to be set beside its companion. "And there's the faceless cries, that twist my every dream!" With little effort, his form leans forward, ready to embrace what lies beyond for him. "And almost every night, I hear the demon sing!"

"Why are we going on this way?" The wind lightly hits his face as his feet leave the surface of the cliff, "Why do we play these games?"

Ryan feels something wrap around his arm, stopping him from going any further with a rather painful jerking of his body that left him dangling over the edge. His arm now stretched above his head, he looked up to see Applejack on the other side of a rope, her face scrunched up as she held him in place.

"Ah ain’t...lettin' you go...that easy..." She grunted, doing her best to, not only support his weight, but pull him back up. It took a lot, but his body started to rise as she tugged with all her might.

Ryan stared at her with tear-filled eyes, doing the only thing he could think of to save her and her friends from him. Lifting his leg, he pressed his foot to the cliff side and pushed. The force was enough to knock the mare above him off-balance, causing her to lurch forward. Her front side collided with the cliff's edge, the top half of her body now hanging over the ledge. Through this, she managed to keep a tight grip on the rope, refusing to let it slip from her hands.

"Dammit, AJ!" Ryan yelled from below. "Let me go!"

"No!" She shouted back through clenched teeth. "Ah ain’t losing you!" Though she tried and tried, she couldn't pull him back up. Not in her current position. Letting go of the rope with one hand, she reached out to him. "Take mah hand!"

Ryan looked at her hand, then back to her. He could see the sadness through her tough exterior. It hurt him to be the source of this sadness, but it hurt even more knowing what his presence was doing to them. In his eyes, this was a small price to pay in order for them to be free. If he simply just left, they'd come after him. This was the only way he could be sure that their suffering would end.

"Please!" Applejack breathed heavy, attempting to stretch her arm further down to grab him. To her relief, he raised his hand, bringing a small smile to her face. That smile, along with any amount of hope she had, quickly vanished when she noticed what he was holding in that hand. "Ryan..."

Without saying a word, he flicked the stud with his thumb, propelling the blade from its resting place. "Ryan!" With the knife held firmly in his hand, he pulled his arm back and hurled it forward. The blade tore through the rope, sticking into the cliff side from the force he put behind it. "No!"

The knife slipped from his hand as he dropped, gravity taking hold of him and dragging his form down further and further until his body finally hit the water below. Given the distance, AJ didn't even hear his body hit the water. All she could do was lay there and watch in horror as he vanished.

"Can you stop fidgeting for five seconds!" Twilight yelled as she tried to manually untie her struggling friend. "You're not making this any easier for either of us!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't have let her tie me up in the first place!" Dash responded in a harsh tone, practically rolling around on Fluttershy's bed as she impatiently waited for the alicorn to finish freeing her.

"It's not like you gave her much of a choice." Twilight shot back, earning a displeased growl from the still-struggling pegasus. "Fluttershy, did you find the scissors?"

"Right here." Came the shy pony from across the room, holding the tool above her head.

Twilight grabbed the scissors in her magic, levitating them over to herself. With a few quick snips, Dash was free and already eager to get out of the door. Unfortunately for her, the lavender princess wasn't having any of that. Before she could even make it to the hallway, she found herself floating off of the floor and hovering in place.

"What the hell, Twilight!?"

"You are not leaving!" Twilight informed, both her expression and her tone making it very clear just how serious she was.

Rainbow Dash flailed around in her magical hold, using every ounce of willpower she had to break free, but to no avail. "For fuck sake! Put me down!"

"No!"

"I have to find Ryan!"

"Why!?" Twilight finally asked, hoping to resolve this issue now more than ever. "Why is this so important? Why can't you just leave him alone?" All she got in response was more flailing as her friend continued to try and fight her way out of this. "Rainbow!" Kicking, grunting, and probably on the verge of exploding; She fought on. "Rainbow Dash!!!"

"Because, I'm pregnant!" The room fell silent, the only noticeable sound being that of Rainbow's panting as she finally seemed to calm down. Of the three sets of eyes, two went remarkably wide while one drooped tiredly.

Fluttershy closed in on them, feeling more at ease now that they had stopped yelling at each other. "Are you sure? Does Ryan know?"

"Yes, I’m sure." Dash replied in a defeated tone, having given up on fighting. “And, no. I was going to tell him while we were at my parents house, but…” She couldn’t bring herself to continue. Just the memory of how he went all googly-eyed over her mother was enough to bring back some of that anger from earlier.

Twilight was probably the most shocked out of all of them. It wasn’t unheard of for different species to reproduce together, but with Ryan's track record, she never thought that he was capable of creating life with a pony. "H-how...how is this even possible?" A simple shrug was all she received for an answer.

Again, the room went quiet. This time lasting far longer than the previous one. The silence was finally broken when footsteps were heard moving up the staircase. They were slow in their approach, as if they were dragging with every step.

Twilight and Fluttershy were left dumbstruck by this new information. Dash on the other hand; Her eyes lit up as her gaze rested on the bedroom door expectantly. Her excitement quickly died when she saw that Applejack returned to them alone. She was almost mad about this, but the look in the earth mare's eyes caught her attention.

Applejack's eyes were red, the fur beneath them matted and wet. She was slumped over, her head hanging low. Normally this was the mare who always held her head high, even in the worst conditions. But at this point in time, she looked dead; Inside and out. In her hand she held a short rope and a closed pocket knife that looked vaguely familiar to the suspended pegasus.

Any amount of anger that Rainbow held was gone in an instant. Despite her feelings right now, AJ was still her friend. And she would be damned if she let anything happen to their friendship. “Applejack...What’s wrong?”

Something’s not right… Celestia thought to herself, looking away from the stack of paperwork she was tending to. It was strange, normally she could feel his presence, but it suddenly just disappeared. She had locked on to his specific energy so that she could be aware if anything were to happen. Due to the circumstances, him being from a different world and all, it was never strong enough for her to know if he were in distress, like she could others, but it was enough to remind her that he was still around.

It was there just a few minutes ago…

Author's Note

We've reached the end of our rope here. (No pun intended)
I'm sad to see it go, but I'm sure plenty of you...are probably really pissed at me. Don't worry though. With every ending there is a new beginning!

Also:

And! A big thanks to

Kelstar159

for editing this for me! You're a total bro...even if you're kind of an ass XP

Epilogue: What a world...

The bell rang, signaling the end of another school year. Fillies and colts took off with the speed of demons as eagerness drove them to escape the confines of the small building and explore elsewhere. Each pony took off with something in mind. Some went on to rejoin their families while others went to see friends. Then there was Azure Breeze; A young, bright blue pegasus with a long, flowing yellow mane and shining blue eyes. She was dressed casually, seeing how today was pretty much just like any other; Donning her form was a simple outfit that consisted of blue jean shorts and a black tank top.

One more school year down! That means there's only six more to go...Damn, that's depressing.

Azure hummed to herself, agreeing wholeheartedly. She was never a fan of school itself, or other ponies for that matter either. Some of them were cool enough, others she could tolerate, but most of them needed to swim across the lake with cinder blocks attached to their feet.

Shaking some of the more aggressive thoughts from her head, she glanced up and to the south a bit to spot her cloud home. Normally she would fly straight there after school, but today marks the first day of summer vacation and she really didn't feel like dealing with her mother. It's not that she didn't like her mother, she loved her with all of her heart, but the mare can be stressful to deal with on most occasions.

Resigning herself to staying grounded, she trudged along by her lonesome, wandering aimlessly through this little town she's come to know so well over the years. She knew just about every nook and cranny of this place. Nothing got by her. Always the observant one, she could pinpoint the slightest change of scenery. Thankfully, change didn't come too often. After a bit of walking, she found herself just a few blocks from her favorite shop in all of Ponyville.

I can smell it from here...He's got a fresh pot brewing! Move your cute little flank!

If there was one thing Azure was weak to, it was temptation. Especially with her friend upstairs constantly egging her on. It's gotten her into trouble a few times, but the results were usually enjoyable regardless. That in mind, she picked up the pace, now moving at a light jog to reach her goal.

In minutes she all but kicked open the door, quickly earning the attention of everypony in the shop. They all stopped what they were doing to look at the filly. When they realized who it was, they went about their own business, letting the little pony do as she pleased. However, there was one stallion that dared to associate himself with her.

Glancing up at the clock, Joe let out a small laugh before turning his attention back to Azure. "I should have known it would only be a matter of time."

"You would think you'd learn by now." Azure quickly hopped over to the counter, climbing onto one of the stools and placing both hands flat on the counter's surface. "So where are you hiding it?" She asked with a playful smirk.

Joe rolled his eyes, smiling as he went to the back and returned only seconds later with two steaming mugs in his hands. "Here you go, sweetie. Just how you like it."

Azure swiped the first one from his hand, swallowing down the whole beverage in just a few gulps. Once emptied, she placed the mug on the counter and let out a loud burp. Again, the surround ponies just ignored her. Doughnut Joe on the other hand was doing his best not to laugh as he replaced the empty mug in front of her with the filled mug in his hand.

Accepting the second mug with as much grace as an Irishman, she grabbed the hot beverage and took a big sip before setting down with a satisfied hum.

The stallion nodded at the filly with a smile. It was amazing how alike they were, despite her never having so much as a chance to meet him. Though many weren't that fond of the guy, a fair amount ponies in town mourned the loss of their rambunctious human. Joe being one of them.

Azure looked up from her coffee, noticing the distant look in Joe's eyes. Not only that, but he seemed sad in a way. She found this odd, usually never seeing him with anything but a smile on his face. "Umm, Joe?" She waved a hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his trance-like state. "You alright up there, big fella?"

Joe shook his head, trying to get himself back into a proper state of mind. "I'm fine!" He said a little too quickly, his demeanor slowly returning to normal. "Don't you worry your sweet little head about me."

"You were thinking about my dad again, weren't you?" Azure asked in a low tone, her shoulders slumping some. Moments like these were rare, but always came back to the same thing.

Joe's mask faltered, before it fell of completely. There was no point in hiding it from her, especially now that she's getting older. "Yeah..." He answered, his tone equally low and lifeless. "It's just that...Well, you remind me so much of him."

This was a topic that Azure wasn't particularly comfortable with. Not because she resented her father, or even disliked hearing about him, but because no pony ever talks about him. The closest she's ever gotten to a story about her other biological half was when ponies said outright said, 'You're just like your father.' This was occasionally accompanied with a, 'You even look like him.'

For years this has bothered her. But, no matter how hard she pries, no pony will tell her anything about him. It was like they were trying to forget he ever existed and that's probably what hurt her the most about all of this.

"Doughnut Joe..." Azure began, causing the shop owner to flinch. She's never never called him by his full name. Hearing it come from her mouth felt unnatural. "What was my father like?"

As much as he'd love to share the stories of his old friend with her, he couldn't. Even the best memories he had of him hurt too much to even think about. "I'm sorry, sweetie." He said, beginning to collect empty dishes from the counter to take into the back. "I just can't do it."

Azure watched with dread as he gathered supplies and started walking away from her. "Joe, please!" She called out, standing up on the stool with her arm pressed against the counter as she leaned over the structure. Doughnut Joe froze, the sadness in the filly's voice being enough to paralyze him. "I know almost nothing about him..." Joe took a chance and glanced back, immediately regretting this decision as soon as he saw her eyes; Wet and ready to release the floodgates. "Wouldn't you want to know too?"

Joe let out a sigh, setting the dishes aside as he turned to face her. "I knew this day would come." He said quietly, walking back to the counter so he could speak with her. "I just didn't think it would be so soon..." Taking a breath, he finally got the next words he was going to say in his head. This had been rehearsed in the past and it was time to get the ball rolling. "I can't tell you."

His words hurt Azure, almost bringing the tears that were already threatening to escape her out. "But, it's not because I don't want to." This didn't help any and he could easily see that. "This is what your father would call, 'A Family Issue'. And out of respect for his family, I am not allowed to say anything right now."

Azure blinked a few times, wiping the wetness from her eyes with her arm. "What are you talking about?"

"Your dad had an interesting view on family." Joe explained, "To him, blood meant absolutely nothing. What made you family was your loyalty to another pony."

I'm not sure what this guy's getting at, but that family stuff actually makes sense...kinda...

Azure wanted to ask what he meant. But, having said too much already, Joe had to cut her off and send her away, as planned. "Big Macintosh was like a brother to him. If you want to know about your father, he's the pony to talk to. Tell him I sent you."

Confused, Azure was left speechless and lost. Her next move was up to her, but she wasn't sure what exactly that move was yet. The one question in her now now is; What do I do?

Hell, the train's already rolling so you might as well blow the whistle.

After thanking Joe for everything he had said- and for possibly helping her finally learn about her dad- she took off out of the shop and made a B-Line for Sweet Apple Acres. It took a lot of running, some flying, and stopping to catch her breath a few times, but she made it with little to deter her.

She would have made it a point to avoid Applejack, knowing of her reluctance to speak of him as well, but didn't spot so much as a hair belonging to her. That bit of anxiety out of the way, she slipped through the orchard and searched until she finally found the stallion of the hour. "Big Mac!"

Macintosh stopped what he was doing, now standing in place with a barrel of Apples held up on one shoulder. He scanned the area around him, spotting the fast approaching filly in no time at all. "Azure?" Setting down the barrel, being careful not to break it, he placed his undivided attention on her. "What brings ya 'round here?"

Azure stopped when she was a few feet from him, nearly collapsing as she struggled to catch her breath. "Joe...sent..me..." She began, wheezing between each word. "Said you could...tell me...Oh, sweet Celestia!" And on that note, the breathless filly fell flat on her back, her chest heaving as she very, very slowly got her wind back.

Normally, he'd find Azure's behavior amusing. However, if she was here because Joe sent her, that means that it was time to get serious...As soon as she stopped dying.

Big Mac knelt down and scooped her up in his arms, walking to a nearby apple tree to sit down as he made her rest on his leg. When she finally pulled herself together, it was time to begin. "Ah knew this day would come." He said, mostly to himself. "Ah just wasn't expectin' it so soon."

"That's almost exactly what Joe said." Azure commented, earning a small grin from Mac.

"So yer wantin' to know about yer daddy, huh?" Azure nodded, confirming his suspicions. "What do ya wanna know?"

Azure thought this over for a minute. She wanted to know everything about him, but that would probably be asking too much right off of the bat. At the very least she wanted to know who he was. More than anything in the world, minus seeing him, she wanted to understand him. Simply just to know what kind of...person he was. "More than anything, I really just want to know what he was like."

"What he was like, huh?" Big Mac didn't even need to think it over. He knew more about that man than he wanted to. "If ah had to describe him in one word, it would have to be 'crazy', like you." This got a small laugh out of both of them. Fighting his emotions, he moved on with this topic, not wanting to leave the poor filly hanging like that. "Yer dad was an interesting fella, ta say the least."

"Aside from not even bein' a pony, he was a very unique character in these parts." Mac continued, Azure leaning in as he spoke. She didn't want to miss a single detail. "He was rambunctious, loud, and always going out of his way ta have a good time. Even if it meant hurting himself in the process."

Azure smiled a bit, feeling pleased that she was finally learning about her origins. Just from what little she's heard, she felt like she was starting to see why ponies would compare her to him. Rather than say anything, she sat quietly, listening intently to every little word. "And even though he didn't always act like it, he cared deeply for all of us."

Big Mac's features fell a bit, causing the filly to feel a bit of dread in her chest. "But, he was troubled. And he didn't go about dealin' with his problems the way he should have."

Curiosity set in, pushing her to dig herself deeper into this rabbit hole. "How do you mean?"

Mac reached a hand up to scratch his chin. "Yer father had a bit of a drinkin' problem. It was really his go-to solution when things got tough."

"Like my mom?" Azure asked sadly.

Mac's features hardened upon hearing this, his tone becoming rough as he spoke. "Yer momma was supposed ta cut back."

"She has!" Azure defended, but only to a point. "I mean; She's not as bad as she used to be."

A growl escaped Big Mac's throat as he brushed off Rainbow's little habit. "Let's get back on topic." He would deal with her later. "Despite his bad habits, he would at least try to do good by us. But, it never seemed like it; And a while before we lost him, his house caught on fire."

Azure's eyes widened at this, her pupils dilating as Big Macintosh explained further. "It started out of nowhere and yer daddy was inside while it was comin' down. If it weren't for yer momma, he would have been crushed." Of everything Dash was responsible for when it came to Ryan, this was the one thing he was thankful for. "Shortly after that, he started goin' through changes."

Still very much entrapped by his words, Azure dug once again. "What kind of changes?"

It was difficult to explain, seeing how no pony really knew what was happening at the time. "Good changes, I guess." Mac began, going off of what he knew from this point in the human's life. "He stopped drinkin' so much, started bein' nicer to ponies; Things were goin' real well fer him and he tried to do right by everypony; This time, doin' things the right way, but still with that flare of what made him who he was."

This came as a shock to Azure. Though no pony had ever outright said it, she recalled a certain phrase Twilight used when she asked about him a long time ago; Saying how he left on his own terms. This led her to ask a question she was actually fairly opposed to even mentioning. But, if things were going well for him, why would he do it? She just wanted to know. She wanted to understand...

"If that's true...Then why did he kill himself?" This one struck a nerve on Big Mac, she could tell by the way his expression changed. Even if it did only last for a few seconds.

Big Mac shrugged, unable to give her a real answer for this. "Ponies all throughout town have wondered that same thing, but none know for sure."

All of this talk was starting to get to Azure. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes again. All her life she has just wanted the chance to meet her father, to see him, to get to know him. Without him in her life, she felt like a part of her was lost. Like she can't truly understand herself without first knowing him. This is what drove her here; The need to ask questions and finally learn about him.

It's been hard, not even hearing his name so much as uttered anywhere. Ponies avoided the topic no matter how hard she pressed. It was like they didn't want to remember him, like simply forgetting would wipe him from existence. In her eyes, they were treating him like the scum of the land and it only made that hurt so much worse.

Big Mac, noticing the change in how she was feeling, decided to offer her a few comforting words, as well as an explanation. "Ponies don't like to talk about yer father." He began, watching her eyes focus on him once again. "He wasn't always the nicest, so a lot of them just went about pretendin' like he wasn't even there most of the time." This did little to help ease her nerves, but he continued regardless. "He'd been through a lot in his life. He didn't act the way he did by choice. His behavior was the result of a complicated life and a broken family."

"But, if there's one really good thing I can tell you about him, it's this;" Placing a hand on her shoulder, he pulled Azure close. "Even though he may not have been good from the start, he went out better than some ponies could even hope to be."

Unable to keep her emotions at bay any longer, Azure launched herself into Big Mac, throwing her small arms around his torso as she softly cried into his chest. He responded by wrapping his own arms around her small form, holding her as she emptied her sadness out onto his overalls. They remained there for several more minutes, one clinging to the other for support while the other happily held her up like he would his own kin.

"Wakey, wakey, Rusty!" The unconscious sap stirred from his sleep as he felt a hand pulling at the arm of his coat, shaking him some to get a reaction. "Come on, Nails! It's four in the afternoon and we're almost there."

Rusty groaned, rolling onto his back as he looked up at the brown coated stallion, taking in the brightness of his grey mane and the tattered remains of what used to be clothing. "What..." He began, his voice raspy from how dry his throat was. "...do you want?"

The stallion got down on his knees, grabbing Rusty by the head and ushering him to look to the side. As he did, he caught a glimpse of the desert they were traveling through, as well as the city off in the distance. Pulling out of his grip, Rusty sat up and watched the piles of sand pass them by as the train cart was pulled along the tracks. Judging from their current distance, and how fast they were moving, they would be arriving in Appleloosa very soon.

"It's about time." Rusty said, coughing a few times into a closed fist. "I need a drink." The kind, older stallion was three steps ahead of his young companion, holding out a tin can filled with water. There wasn't a moment of hesitation as Rusty grabbed the tin and down the whole thing in seconds, letting out a relieved sigh as he set the empty can aside. "You are a lifesaver, Steel Hoof." He said gratefully, his voice much more smooth now that it had been moistened.

"Well..." The stallion began, getting up and positioning himself right in front of Rusty. "I guess that means you owe me, right?"

Rusty all but glared at him, rubbing the colorful stone that hung down from his neck "...I'm starting to hate you again."

"Am I wrong though?"

Rusty let out an annoyed sigh, releasing his prized necklace in the process. Technically he does owe him for that, it was Steel's share of their water after all, but it's not like it's gonna earn him a thousand bits. "Alright, fine! What do you want?"

"It's not what I want..." Steel cryptically replied, stepping aside and gesturing to the colt, who was the spitting image of his father, being held in his mother's salmon pink arms. The small pony was eyeing him expectantly, a hopeful smile on his little face.

Rusty has spent years traveling with this family, drifting from place to place. He knew exactly what this little guy wanted. And, if he were being honest with himself, he couldn't say 'No' to the kid. Though he wasn't particularly fond of children, Rod was a pretty cool colt. And if he couldn't win him over, his mother, Scarlet, would surely work him over with those sad eyes of hers. He knew the tear-show she was putting on was fake, but something about seeing a mare cry would beat him into submission every time.

Looking up at Steel, Rusty flashed him a playful smirk. "Good to know this little game of yours to torment me is a team effort." Steel merely laughed at this, knowing very well that he wouldn't be able to go against his son's wishes.

Standing up, Rusty scratched at the uneven hairs decorating his features and started tapping his foot against the hollow floor. The sound echoed through the cart, soon accompanied by a whistling, provided by Steel himself. Soon after, Scarlet raised both of her hands, tapping them on the walls to help liven the beat.

Rusty started to bob his head, getting a feel for the rhythm. "You're lucky I love you, kid." He said, earning a giggle from the colt. This got a smile out of him as he grabbed his coat, slipping it off and tossing it aside. The desert heat hit his furless form, gracing him with enough warmth to no longer require the extra layers. He ran a hand through his disheveled, blonde hair, the sunlight shining off of it as he gave them one last playful look.

"~It's a long lonely highway when you're traveling all alone!" Rusty sang, doing the best damn Elvis Presley impression he could pull off as he walked toward the opening of the cart. "And it's a mean old world, when you've got no one to call your own." He leaned out, holding the door with one hand to stabilize himself as he looked out to the fast approaching hamlet. It didn't take long for the small family joining him on this journey to accompany him, all smiling as they continued playing their parts for the song. "And you pass through towns, too small to even have a name! Ohohoho, yeah!"

Rusty smiled as the train closed in on the small town. Though this wasn't a life most would choose willingly, it was the life he enjoyed. It started off rough, but after making some new friends and traveling all over the world, he had discovered something about himself; He was happy.

For the longest time, he thought he was incapable of feeling this way. That his very existence was a blight on the world. Everything he did caused pain to others, no matter how hard he tried to be better. He was a virus. And, like a virus, he needed to be eliminated so that the world could be cured; So it could be healthy and wholesome once again. He succeeded in doing that very thing, but it wasn't easy.

It wasn't until he met Steel Hoof that things started to take a turn. The older stallion found him at his lowest point- half dead in a lake- and offered him a chance to start over. Though skeptical at first, he accepted the offer and has been on top of the world ever since. Since then he's been all over Equis, learning new things and exploring everything he laid his sights on. In time, the virus that once tainted this beautiful land was gone. In a sense, he was right; The only way to fix things was for him to cease to be. This finally happened, but not in a way that he ever expected.

Ryan Doyle Curtis; The cynical drunk with a bad temper, the alien that hurt everyone he came close to, the beast that tormented many with no regard to their feelings, was finally dead. And in his place, someone new was born. Someone who could laugh, who could feel, and could be truly happy.

Rusty Nails glanced back at his friends, flashing them a genuine smile as they sang along with him. "But you've gotta keep on goin', on that road to nowhere! Gotta keep on goin', though there's no one to care for. Just keep a moooving down the line!"

Author's Note

I'm aware that there are a lot of questions on everyone's minds. So many things are being thrown away and forgotten. It's pretty much insane to just cut it off where it was and for it to just end how it did. I get it. Believe me, I do. But this is where it all ends and I'll tell you why;

As we all know, Ryan has indeed gone through a few changes since we first started this little adventure with him. It was slow and even mocked at times. This was all intentional. For someone like him, change can be very scary. Not so much change of the world around him, as that can be easily ignored, but change of self. No one in their right mind would happily alter their personality without so much as an ounce of anxiety. Who we are is what shapes the lives we live. It's our personalities that alter our course in history and make us feel as though we have meaning, or serve a specific purpose. Being told that we're wrong, that the people we are aren't accepted, it hurts. It makes us sad, it makes us angry. We fight back against change of self because, even if we aren't happy with who we are, it's still the foundation of what has shaped our lives all these years.
Ryan is one of the many people out there who is afraid of change. Like others, he may not have liked who he was, but it was all he knew and he could not bring himself to be any different. It was behaving how he did that helped him feel safe in both his world and this one. Though not ideal, it held him together. So when these changes started, he was faced with several feelings and emotions he didn't understand. And it was his lack of understanding that lead to his downfall. Having little experience with things like sadness, guilt, dread, depression, and hopelessness forced him into a mindset that he didn't know how to cope with because he had never felt any of these before. He made himself numb to pain so that he would never have to feel it again. Then when the time came that he had to, he didn't know how to handle it. It beat him into submission, as emotions often to everyone. And in the end, the only way he knew how to get that pain to go away, was to die. And in a sense, he did die.
Everypony he knew thinks that his life ended at that cliff. In theory, that would mean that Ryan Curtis no longer existed. The fall he took was the end of him. It was that very event, along with the help of his new friends, that gave him the opportunity to try something new. Instead of going through the nightmare of trying to change himself, he became someone else. Which, as I'm sure many of you would agree, would be a lot easier than trying to alter who you are.
It's the same idea we all use when roleplaying. When we do this, we're disconnecting from the person we are in order to play the role of someone we would like to be. No longer are you Sarah, or Mike, or Jeff, or whoever the fuck you were. You are now this character that you created, the previous version of you locked away until you're forced to come back to reality.
For Ryan, this was a permanent escape from the person he was. No longer does he have to have all these walls up. He doesn't have to be defensive, or afraid of what's gonna come next. Because now, Ryan is gone; His life ended and his story arc over. And this new identity he made for himself isn't afraid anymore, because he never was to begin with.
I think I've rambled on enough about this. I'm hoping that everyone will see this the same way I do, but I know that won't always be the case. You can be mad at me all you want, I'm not gonna stop you. But, if you can understand where I'm going with this, then I shall ask you one last time; Did you enjoy this story? :P
If you did, be sure to slap that LIKE button like a bitch, share it with your friends, and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special.

Sequel

It's already out! Get with the program!

Rust In The Breeze