The air outside was still cold, as it would likely continue to be for several more weeks. The snow was virtually gone, but the temperature was still low and the occasional breeze didn't bring much comfort either. With it being rather cold, you would think most ponies would continue wearing thicker clothing. However, that was not the case.

While the ponies had a somewhat natural protection from the cold, a certain sentient life-form wasn't as blessed as they. Donning a pair of blue jeans, a pair of old boots, and a thick black hoodie was the one and only human to ever, quote unquote, grace this land. His hands remained tucked in his pockets as he looked around town, taking in the area around him. Everything was a bit more pink than he remembered. This specific color littered everything he came by; Pink pain, pink streamers, pink balloons; some even shaped like hearts.

Ryan, while not being completely oblivious to pony holidays, still found the occasional one sneaking up on him. This one was pretty obvious to tell. Pink everything, hearts everywhere, the local pharmacist selling boxes of chocolate; He even spotted a sign above Doughnut Joe's that read, 'Happy Hearts and Hooves Day!'

I never really cared much for this holiday, but I like our name better. At least Valentines can be traced back to a small number of murders.

Ryan let out an annoyed sigh. Valentines day was one of the few holidays he absolutely despised. In all honesty, he just didn't see the point in it. It's hardly a reason to celebrate. You're in a relationship, congratulations! You've lost three fourths of your freedom and have Death breathing down your neck with every move you make. You wanna hang out with your friends today? Whelp, that just fucking sucks doesn't it? Cause instead you have to go spend time with this cute girl you hooked up with. Sure you're just gonna sit there like a statue while she bitches about the stupidest shit, but you love her!

Doughnut Joe opens the door to his shop, causing the human to snap out of his inner monologue. The stallion looks over at him with a big smile, looking ready to take on the day. "Good morning, Ryan." He booms from the store with a wave. "Happy Hearts and Hooves Day!"

Ryan's face contorts in disdain. He makes a loud snort and spits a wad of snot and mucous at the pony's feet. "Get fucked!"

He walked away, leaving Joe both disgusted and confused. His disgust was clear, but his confusion came from a lack of understanding. Almost every time he had seen Ryan, he was in the shop with a mare, if not multiple. The only reason somepony would be upset on this holiday would be if they were single. Stories of his promiscuous nature floated around the town in record time, prompting many of the single mares to go after him and he's come to the shop many a time for with all kinds of dates. Surely he had a special somepony. So why was he so mad? Joe watched in silence as Ryan stormed away, angrily, barely taking notice of the ponies now walking into his shop.

As Ryan walked off in a random direction, he couldn't help but notice some of the outfits being worn i this weather. He did notice that earlier many ponies were wearing sweaters and the occasional coat. However, those were stallions. Seeing the mares threw him for a loop. Most of them were wearing something that likely should only be worn in the summer...at a lake...with your boyfriend...in a cheesy horror film.

Needless to say, at this point, they looked like sluts. Everywhere he looked mares were dressed in Jean shorts, short shorts, tank tops, low cut shirts, or even just bras an really tight pants. A strange scent worked its way into his nostrils, one that he had grown all too familiar with in his long nights with his 'Cuddle Buddies'.

They were all aroused, and dressed like skanks. It was like he was looking out at an all you can fuck buffet, which was no small stretch. Nearly anything male that they passed by was earning some suggestive looks from them.

This is too good to be true...We must be dreaming

As great as this would normally seem, something about it did feel off. While arousal isn't uncommon, they were making no attempts to hide it; Which is weird. He couldn't help but wonder if this was some sort of cultish type of deal with their holiday, but didn't want to assume.There was only one pony he was sure he could trust when it came to pony culture, seeing how many of the others would just assume he was an idiot for not understanding the basics. One short trip to the over sized eyes sore on the edge of Ponyville later, Ryan pounded on the castle door with a closed fist and waited patiently for an answer.

A small amount of time passed when the door finally opened, revealing a rather...disturbing looking Twilight. Her mane was a mess and her outfit was wrinkled and dirty, it also appeared to be a bit damp; Like she had put it on straight out of the washer. She also had a large amount of sweat dripping down from her forehead.

"Uhhh..." Was all Ryan could seem to get out at that moment. It wasn't like her to be so disheveled and disorganized-looking. "How's it going?" He asked, sounding very unsure of pretty much everything right now.

Twilight stared up at him, her eyes wide and slightly bloodshot. "Ryan..." She said in a voice just above a whisper. "You really shouldn't be here."

The door began closing, but Ryan wasn't having any of it. His foot slammed into the bottom of the door, wedging itself in between it and the floor. "Okay, seriously! What the fuck is going on?" He yelled, beginning to lose his temper. "Ponies are being sluts and now even you are acting weird! What the fucking hell!?"

Twilight responded by pressing harder against the door. This did very little to get him to leave, but pushed his annoyance drastically. "Okay, now I'm starting to get a little mad!" Ryan reached an arm through the crack of the door, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her to the side. With her body out of the way, he was able to push the door completely open and step inside. "Tell me what's happening!!!"

For a moment Twilight stared up at him in fear, but her expression soon changed to something more...let's say hungry.

Why is she looking at us like that?

Twilight's eyes were lidded, her pupils nearly taking up the entirety of her eyes. She reached a hand up, gently caressing the one Ryan was using to hold on to her. With little hesitation her hand glided up his arm, touching and squeezing every muscle she came upon. Once she made it to his bicep, which was swollen from the force he was using to hold her, she stopped and settled with rubbing her palm up and down the firm flesh.

Beginning to feel uncomfortable, Ryan attempted to pull away from the weird purple horse. However, her grip held firm, probably more so than his own. "Let go..."

Twilight pulled herself closer to Ryan, staring at him with some sort of primal urge that nearly made him piss his pants. "Wow, Ryan." She said almost longingly, coming close enough for her chest to press into his sternum. "I never realized how big and strong you were."

"Seriously, joke's over." Ryan began as he started backing away, stopping as he found the door behind him mysteriously closed and pressed up against his back. "Knock it off, you bitch!"

He could do little more than watch as Twilight bit her lip, her eyes rolling into the back of her head for a moment as she hummed in delight. "I love it when you talk dirty to me."

Normally Ryan would have no problem hooking up with one of the ponies in this world. They were all strangely attractive and seemed fond enough of him to give him the time of night, but this just felt wrong. He could see the lust in her eyes, but that's all this was. If she were in the right mind this likely wouldn't be happening. She didn't want this, this was something else entirely.

Twilight pressed herself against him, one of her hands finding its way onto his leg and up his thigh until-

Code S!

There was a loud smack that reverberated through the halls of the castle, the sound of flesh meeting flesh dominating any other that may have resided prior. Twilight took a few steps back, a hand pressed firmly against her cheekbone as her face angled itself downward.

Operation; Slap A Hoe is a resounding success

Ryan stood in his place, his chest rising in falling dramatically as he seemed to struggle for each breath. On the inside he was panicking. Hitting a woman, human or otherwise, was just plain wrong. He was against it heavily and had beaten men half to death for even suggesting it. He reminded himself over and over that this was for her own good, but still felt guilty.

A few moments of silence pass without either of them so much as moving. Finally, Twilight raises her head and levels it toward Ryan. Her eyes were filled with shock as she continued to cradle the side of her face in her palm. Mouth opening, she tried to speak, but it took her a second. "Ow..."

Ryan made a few odd body movements to make sure she was behaving normally. "You with me in there, book horse?"

Twilight removed her hand from her face, revealing a very prominent red handprint on her cheek. "I'm fine," She said, still trying to process all that had happened. "Wait, you hit me!"

Phase two of Code S; Take what you have coming to you

Ryan winced as she vocalized what he had done. There was a pressure in his chest that grew larger as he looked at the mark on her face. "Y-yeah...I did..." He responded, his voice sounding as if he were about to cry but his face completely expressionless. "And now you need to hit me...Really hard...In the dick..."

Twilight blinks three times, being taken back by what he said. "What? No!" She yelled, "I'm not doing that!"

The world cannot be right again unless we make her do this!

Ryan's eyes closed as he let out a sigh, knowing very well what needed to be done. His arm raised, his hand open with his palm aiming at her. His face became one of anger as he went to swing at her. "I'll hit you again, bitch!"

All logic and reasoning immediately flew out the door as Twilight's defensive instincts kicked in. Her horn started glowing the moment his hand raised, her body flinching naturally before a large lavender fist appeared out of thin air and rammed itself into the human's groin. If that wasn't enough, a second one appeared and dashed straight into his skull. Ryan's body hit the ground almost instantly, the force being more than enough to knock him down.

*Static*

While Ryan wasn't particularly proud of the decisions he has made in his life, that last one specifically, he could at least continue to live on with a clear conscience. The sign of his never wavering sense of accomplishment came in the form of a bag of frozen peas that rested against his groin and a lazily thrown together ice pack on his head. This part wasn't so much his idea as it was Twilight's. Something about preserving functionality and preventing a concussion. That might not even be right, he was only half paying attention.

With his balls frozen in place and his ass planted onto a wooden chair, he attempted to keep himself conscious while Twilight went on a rant about the mare anatomy and what cycles it went through.

From day one he assumed that a mare's body would be virtually unidentifiable compared to a human female. He never really payed attention enough in school to learn that pretty much all mammals function the same when it comes to intimacy; so when he first bedded a mare and saw that everything was where it should be, he just assumed that they worked exactly the same as humans.

"This is known as a heat, or estrus, cycle." Twilight went on to say as she drew a circle around a small chart on the chalkboard she seemingly pulled out of nowhere. "During this period, a mare's body will become more sensitive and easily stimulated. A mare will experience a heat cycle every eighteen to twenty-one days and each cycle lasts for about five to seven days."

"Hold on a second!" Ryan yelled, prompting Twilight to look back at him with an inquisitive gaze. "Every eighteen to twenty-one days? I've been here a lot longer than that sweetheart and not once have I seen this bullshit happening."

Twilight let out an annoyed sigh. Clearly, he wasn't paying attention earlier when she went into details about how the heat cycle worked. "That's because you arrived here just before winter. Most mares enter an anestrus period during the winter and thus do not cycle in that period." She explained, "That's why you're just now starting to see it. Spring is coming and everypony's hormones are flying through the roof after such a long break from their cycles."

Ryan nodded, appearing to understand everything she just told him. "You know you could have saved us both a lot of time by just saying, 'Hey, once a month we get horny and fuck anything that moves; So stay in your house when all you smell is wet pussy outside.'" He replied. While he did find her nerd-like behavior adorable every now and again, it was still more annoying than anything else. "Seriously, it doesn't always have to be some long, drawn out science project."

Taking a seat beside the board, Twilight rolled her eyes at the human. "Well, I thought you would appreciate me sharing my knowledge with you." She retorted, "Maybe I thought you would enjoy learning something new about ponies. But, I guess I was wrong." She said with crossed arms and a tightened expression.

The bag of peas and ice pack that previously resided on Ryan's form soon found their way to Twilight's feet. "I guess you were." He simply replied, rising from his chair and giving his blueberries a gentle rub. "I'm glad you were able to see the error of your ways." Upon getting up from his seat, Ryan made his way over to the caste door.

Twilight watched as he did this, shooting him a curious look. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going home, jackass." He said matter-of-factly. "And once I'm there, I'm barricading my doors so I don't have to live in constant fear of being raped."

Not even giving Twilight a second to respond, he yanked open the door, only to slam it shut upon his departure. It was still a tad nipply outside, but that was about the worst of it. The weather was the last thing on his mind though. According to Twilight, every mare in the world is hot and bothered, and looking for a good time.

Ryan hummed to himself as he looked out at the open world. "What to do; what to do..."

There was a popping sound by his right ear that made him jump slightly. When he turned his head to find the source he spotted a small, cartoony version of himself standing on his right shoulder. It stood about the length of his middle finger, was dressed in all red, and looked kind of demonic. The only thing he could think to compare it to were one of those chibi drawings that people do for their favorite anime characters. However, this anime featured him if he had small ram horns and a tail.

"Rape and pillage!" The small character shouted, flying into the air on bat-like wings until it was eye level with Ryan. "Do you see all of that?" It asked, pointing a pitchfork towards Ponyville. "That town is yours for the taking! The pony pussy will be lined up, ready for you to use them like the animals they are."

Ryan was stuck in a state of shock. He stared, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, at the little winged bastard. "It's finally happened..." He muttered to no one in particular. "My mentality has shattered and I have descended into madness."

"It's okay..." Came a voice to his left, which revealed itself to be something similar to the little cartoon thing in front of him, but different. For starters, it was dressed in all black and had the most emo haircut imaginable. It had painted nails, each one a different shade of grey, and bright white hair; Finally, it was flying on a set of black bird-like wings. "We all go mad at one point or another. That's just how life is."

Tears were beginning to form in the human's eyes. "Brain?"

*Static*

The demonic looking chibi smacked Ryan in the nose with his pitchfork, pulling him out of whatever state he was in. His teary eyes were quickly replaced with an annoyed expression. "Snap out of it! Every second you're here is another second you miss out on pony fucking!"

Ryan rubbed the bridge of his nose where the small weapon had struck, being sure to flick the devil shortly afterward. This only knocked him back a few feet before he recovered. "What the hell even are you!?" He snapped, "Is this normal here? Is random shit like this just supposed to pop up like, 'Hey, fuck you science. You can suck my asshole!'"

"Maybe we should just go home and lay down for the next few hours." The emo-looking chibi cut in.

A little slow to react, Ryan pointed a thumb to emo chibi but continued to eye demon chibi. "I like that idea." He began, "Until whatever the fuck is wrong with me clears up; I'm just gonna go home, have a few beers, maybe-"

"Maybe you shouldn't start drinking. It's still pretty early, I mean." Emo cut in again.

This earned a shocked look from both Ryan and the cartoon devil version of Ryan. The two stared at him for nearly a full minute before the human finally raised a hand and swatted the emo chibi out of the sky like a lightning bug, sending him plummeting onto the staircase that lead to and from Twilight's castle door.

"How dare you!?" Ryan and the devil chibi shouted in unison, staring at the emo chibi with a look of both rage and disbelief.

The emo chibi sat up, looking completely unphased by any by Ryan's assault. He took flight again, finding his place on the human's left shoulder "That wasn't nice."

The demon chibi rested on Ryan's right shoulder, still pointing his weapon toward the small town. "Onward; Fluttershy awaits!"

That's when something finally clicked. Suddenly it was like every gear in Ryan's head had been freshly oiled and was turning again for the first time in years. It's the season of love, and it just so happens to also be the beginning of the heat cycle for mares far and wide. Fuck whatever condition Ryan is suffering from, that can wait. If there's a chance he's finally gonna be able to rock that pony's world, he's gonna take it!

"Ow, fuck!" Ryan yelled, feeling something hard smack against his head.

The demon chibi was staring him down with nothing short of pure anger in its eyes. "Stop using your brain already, you're wasting time. Now get out there and fuck yellow quiet!"

Ryan rubbed the top of his head, trying to figure out why this thing was such an asshole, on top still trying to deduce if it was real or not. Regardless, it was making some sense. The longer he stands around with his thumb up his ass, the less time he can spend with it up somepony else's.

Taking the long route was the best option, if also the most tedious. He wanted to avoid getting attention from anypony else, as his sights were currently set onto one pony.

Fluttershy, the first of the ponies that Ryan associated himself with. It was a long while before he spoke to anypony, but Fluttershy possessed a certain calming element about her; The mountains on her chest were just a bonus...a huge bonus. In time they started talking and things went well, to say the least. While she was tolerant and understanding of the cultural differences between the species, Ryan's rambunctious nature and explosive behavior was more than enough to keep her at bay from time to time. She didn't avoid him by any means, but being in the same room for more than a few minutes was about all she could take.

The constant ogling didn't help either. Ryan was sneaky, but he would slip up from time to time. Fluttershy has caught him staring at her on multiple occasions. And while this act was slightly flattering, it mostly just made her uncomfortable.

Ryan approached the cottage, seeing that it was the same as it has ever been, minus one crucial detail. The animals were gone, completely. Not once had he ever seen this place so devoid of animal life, it just wasn't natural.

A squealing of sorts pierced his ear drums, sounding off just barely loud enough to hear. Following the sound, Ryan came upon a tree that stood beside the small house, one he would use on those long nights when he couldn't sleep to watch FLuttershy while she-"Oh my god, I'm a creepy stalker."

The cartoon chibi characters appeared behind Ryan, the demonic one smacking him in the head with his pitchfork again. "Shut up, she'll hear you!"

"I'm gonna fucking kill you..." Ryan muttered to himself as he started climbing the tree. He memorized which branch he would need to get to in order to see through her window, while also remaining out of sight. As he got higher, the squealing got louder. When he finally made it to his spot, the noise stopped. He peaked over from behind the trees trunk; Just a few feet in front of him was the window to Fluttershy's room.

The window itself was closed, but the blinds were open, allowing him to see into the room. At first he didn't see anything, but after waiting about half of a minute, he saw her. She passed by the window completely naked, walking over to her closet on the other side of the room.

"Shit..." He whispered to himself, mostly out of disappointment. His thoughts began to collide with each other as he identified the position he was in. He was standing in a tree, literally stalking this poor mare.

"What's the problem?" Came the demon chibi on his right shoulder. "So you're watching her, what of it? If anything this just goes to show how attractive she is. You're complimenting her." While the demon's words did bring him some comfort, part of him still felt weird about the whole situation.

Ryan turned his head to the emo chibi and shot him a questioning look. Taking the hint, the chibi answered honestly. "Dude, this is just plain creepy."

Conflicted and unsure of what move to make next, Ryan climbed down out of the tree and sat down just beneath the kitchen window with his back pressed against the house. The sound of Fluttershy's hooves meeting the wooden floor echoed through his ears, getting louder with each passing second. Before long he was able to tell just by the sound that she was inside of the kitchen.

"Are you hungry angel?" He heard Fluttershy ask, followed by squeaking and stomping of the bunny he had grown to hate during his short time in Ponyville. "What? No, I don't have anywhere to be...Do i?" She paused, letting the bunny do his thing. Still to this day Ryan can't figure out how she understands these things.

Fluttershy giggled, "Of course not, Angel." More squeaking followed before her next reply. "Oh, I don't even know who I'd ask. Besides, I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm perfectly happy how I am."

"Ow..." Ryan whispered, holding a hand over his chest. "My ambitions."

The demon chibi let out a short growl. "Get it together. Just because she doesn't want a relationship, that doesn't mean she's not down to fuck."

The bunny continued communicating with Fluttershy. "Meep!" Was all she managed to get out, before remembering how to formulate a coherent response. "I don't know, Angel." She began, "I mean, I do like Ryan..."

Ryan's eyes widened and he silently celebrated. "Jackpot!"

"But not in that way." She finished, causing the human's celebration to be brought to an abrupt hault.

Hand placed back to his chest, he let himself fall down into the dirt. "My hope..."

The emo chibi hovered over Ryan, lowering himself and sitting Indian style on his forehead. Once settled in, the chibi patted the human's head, quietly shushing him. "It's okay, buddy."

As he laid there, dying on the inside, he continued to listen in to the one-sided conversation. "He's a good friend and all, but he lives a very turbulent lifestyle and I simply would not be able to keep up with him...I know he likes me, Angel. But, I just don't see him that way..."

In his mind, Fluttershy's words started to trail off. No longer caring if he was spotted, Ryan climbed back to his feet and started walking home. During his trek, he no longer was able to see the weird cartoon chibi's of himself. They simply vanished with neither trace nor sign of return.

Today was a trip and a half. First he was being ogled by every mare he passed, then nearly raped by Twilight, then nearly castrated by Twilight, then given a biology lesson, and finally was being influenced by tiny flying cartoon versions of himself before finding out the mare he was really hoping to get his hands on doesn't have a mutual interest in him.

Well, that was kind of depressing

"And where the hell have you been?" Ryan all but yelled, "Do you know what the fuck I had to put up with while you were fucking off and doing God-knows-what!?"

I saw them too, alright. Chill the hell out.

"What the fuck was that all about anyway; Like, seriously, how do those exist?" He asked with a hint of annoyance.

Shit if I know, probably a brain tumor waiting to burst

Ryan just sighed and continued his journey home, again taking the long way. He wasn't feeling up to bumping into anypony. Besides, the last thing he needed was to get wrapped up in that stupid, lovey-dovey, holiday bullshit. Finally making it back to his humble abode, he kicked open the door.

There was a yelp from inside of his house, which wasn't that surprising. He assumed Rapid would still be there, but noticed an extreme lack of FemStallion upon entry. In his place though was a certain cyan pegasus dressed in jean shorts and a white crop top. Behind her was a small group of red balloons in the shape of hearts and something else that was less floaty, but hidden behind her back.

Ryan stopped and stared for a minute, finding it difficult to have imagined this scenario. For starters, isn't the guy supposed to be the one bearing gifts for the girl? This little act was making him question his knowledge on the holiday.

It's a matriarchal society, jackass.

Okay, that would explain this situation. However, Rainbow Dash wasn't the kind of mare to show up with heart shaped balloons. Romance isn't exactly her strong suit. So why, and how, is she doing it now?

Ryan scanned the area with his eyes real quick, trying to see if he missed something. This could be some kind of prank. This wouldn't be the first time Rainbow tried to pull a fast one on him. Nothing seemed out of place; Turning his attention back to Dash, he started to remember a very important lesson he had learned earlier today.

Rainbow Dash was staring at him with an almost primal desire in her eyes, chewing on her lower lip as stared at him like a lion getting ready to pounce on a gazelle. A familiar stench seemed to dominate the small house, masking any other that may have previously resided. In the blink of an eye she appeared in front of Ryan, pulling him into the house before slamming the door behind him shut.

Ryan was frozen, his mind still trying to process how she just fucking teleported from one side of the room to the other. He was unable to finish this thought as Rainbow shoved him against the door using only her chest.

Her arms moved out in front of her, revealing a bundle of strings in one hand that held the balloons, and a box of chocolate in the other. "Happy Hearts and Hooves Day."

That tone was unnaturally cheery for her, which didn't help his discomfort. His eyes went over his current position, but were unable to find an escape route. All he could do was cooperate and hope for the best. He reached out to take her offering, but he must have taken too long.

Getting fed up with waiting, Rainbow Dash threw the gifts aside then proceeded to lunge herself into Ryan.

Lock the doors, close the blinds; We're going for a ride!

"That's not funny!" Ryan yelled, barely managing to break from Rainbow's forced oral embrace.

Yes it is

Author's Note

My motivation to write has just plummeted guys. I'm sorry, but I think I might be taking a break for a bit. At least until I can clear my head and get myself functioning properly. Maybe a few blows to the cranium will fix me up XP
Regardless, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. If you did, slap that LIKE button like a bitch! Feel free to also leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P