Book One: Trixie's a Princess Now? ??#NotMyPrincess??

Disclaimer: The author's purpose and intent is to write a fictional, suspenseful, comedy. Disclaimer: The author does not intend to express views on any topics of any kind. Reader discretion is advised.

Book One: Trixie's a Princess Now? #NotMyPrincess??

"Um, hello, can anypony hear Trixie? PSST. Twilight, can you... oh, you're already using that weird spell-speak where the crowd of ponies can hear Trixie speak from all the way up on the palace balcony? Good. Trixie thought Trixie was gonna have to get the birds to tweet again. Uh-Oh. Forget Trixie said that. Um... Trixie is... Trixie... Trixie." Trixie goes silent and hangs her head. Trixie leans in closer to the microphone. 10,000 ponies can hear her words. "Trixie is a little scared. Ponies used to really hate Trixie, and now, for some reason Trixie is a princess or something." Trixie muttered into the magic microphone.

A hush fell over the crowd of ponies below her. This didn't make any sense to them. They were used to Trixie being bold, and saying her name alot. She was still saying her name alot, but now she sounded a little nervous. Everypony in the crowd below the palace's balcony was waking up to reality. It's not like Trixie had control of the elements of harmony. Right? Not exactly. Right?

Everypony thought that Twilight was going to be the Princess of Magic. Trixie had won this weird election thing that was hard to understand. Somehow. The weird reason for all this, that some ponies suspected, was that it was because everypony wanted to make Trixie great again, because they didn't think she'd done much wrong. Many other ponies pointed out how Trixie might be a threat to Equestria, and that Trixie had said and done alot of bad things in the past. Then Trixie won anyway. Small problem: MostOfThePoniesFromThePalaceHadVotedFor TwilightSparkle.

"UUUUMMMM..." Trixie's voice blasted across the assembled ponies. "Sorry. Twilight is having trouble powering the voice projection spell. I, Trixie, The Great and Powerful, vow to make Equestria great again, too." Trixie threw her hooves up and the audience erupted into choas. They were protesting Trixie. They were going to break into the palace. A few momenta later, right before everypony's eyes, the mob became completely unmanageable. "Please Everypony!" The mob settled down a little bit. "I'm not going to be an element of harmony." Trixie read from the cue-card prompts that Rainbow Dash was holding up.

Cheers erupted from the crowd. They couldnt believe it. They really couldn't. They stopped believing it right away. A hush fell over the crowd of ponies. The guards at the gates looked at each other nervously, their hooves gripped tightly to their pikes.

"Trixie knows Trixie said alot of crazy stuff. And Trixie is kind of sad about that colt slavery thing from like, years ago, but that's not my-"

"-BBBOOOOOOOOOOO-." The audience roared at Trixie.

"-SOOOORRRRRRYYYYY." Trixie yelled angrily back into the microphone, before pouting. She was on the verge of tears.

<<>>

Trixie *really* didnt like Twilight Sparkle. At the same time, they were friends. What had happenned in the 18 months leading up to Trixie's surprise win, and the years before THAT is as follows:
~~~~~~

In the begginning, it was simple. MareMare didnt want to be the major of Ponyville anymore. She was getting a little old. Nopony could a remember a time when MareMare wasn't the major, so, Twilight invented elections. She had been reading alot, and she wanted to try this thing called democracy that she had just read about. So, she ran an open election in the town of Ponyville, to elect the major of Ponyville, once MareMare stepped down.

Everypony expected Twilight to win and become major of Ponyville, so Trixie was the only other pony who's name was on the ballot. Twilight Sparkle was expected to become the mayor of Ponyville, because, honestly, she's a princess. How could she lose? Well, as it turned out, everypony liked Trixie. Or, maybe, the voting was rigged with unicorn magic. It was hard to tell. Either way, Trixie won. After Trixie became the the surprise major of Ponyville, everypony suddenly realized that they felt bad for Trixie. She was just a successful, travelling, business pony who loved her own name. On the flip side, everypony knew that Twilight was a big egghead, and they had trouble empathizing with her. Plus, some ponies blamed Twilight for almost destroying ponyville a dozen times. Twilight campaigned on letting more Stallions into princessdom. Like her brother. It was complicated.

Twilight was pretty annoyed. She pretended to be happy for Trixie, but she was mostly just jealous. So, Twilight asked Celestia if all of Equestria could have an election. 'Can we hold a democratic election across all of Equestria? I read about democracy in a book...' and after that, everything snowballed. Twilight Sparkle flew all around Equestria for 18 months, because she wanted everypony to vote for her, so she could re-become princess, and because she wanted to win an election for once. Nopony paid attention. Most of Equestria already knew alot about Twilight, so they didn't go to see her speak.

Trixie, for various reasons, wanted the princessdom. Trixie travelled around Equestria with her caravan, for 18 months. She was, as some ponies said: 'all flash and magic'. They were mostly right. However, at the end of every show she said, in a loud and breathless tone after preforming her magic show; Trixie said: 'Make Trixie Great Again!' By the end of her magical tour, she was preforming for audiences of thousands. Ponies liked how confident Trixie was becoming, and they wanted her to be even more confident, because it was fun, and because Trixie got angry alot. Many ponies thought they were like Trixie.

When the ballots were counted, somehow, Trixie was declared a Princess. Someponies suspected that ponyvoters were bored and wanted a show. They were about to get one. You see, a murmur was going through the audience.

Everypony looked back up at the balcony at around the same time. Trixie turned a little to the side. Trixie had a pair of wings. This was actually happenning.

<<>>

"Oh you have GOT to be kidding me. Nopony wants this. COME ON!" One of the ponies in the crowd shouted. "Trixie used colt slavery when she was under the control of a necklace!" Another shouted. "Did anypony even vote!? Is Trixie seriously one of the princesses now?" Another pony screamed. "CALM DOWN! She's been behaving..." Yet another proclaimed. "Somepony zap Trixie with the elements of harmony, just to be sure, we all know it's safe!" And by that point, all the voices in the crowd raised the noise level so high that nopony could hear anypony.

Trixie tapped the microphone. "Our economy makes no sense. Trixie has no idea how much bits are worth. Nopony does. Also, Trixie has never been a princess before, so this is gonna be hard. That's the bad news. The good news is that Trixie wants to make it free to see a doctor or nurse. TrixieCares. Trixie knows we've been going through some problems. When Trixie traveled Equestria, she saw alot of ponies who had gone bankrupt like Trixie had. Trixie thinks they all voted for Trixie because they had something in common with Trixie. Just saying." Trixie grinned and stepped back from the microphone. A hush had actually fallen over the crowd. It didn't last long. The ponies were already beggining to hold up signs again.

"Let Trixie Speak!" Trixie yelled. The crowd slowly lowered it's tenor. Trixie shook her mane and moved closer to the microphone. She spread out her wings and held her chin high.

<<>>

'Trixie wishes Trixie knew how to teleport out of here. Okay. Plan... need a plan. Plan A: Use a light trick to make it look like Trixie is teleporting away. Throw smoke bomb. Trot away. When somepony asks: Are you Trixie? Trixie will NOT use the name Trixie. Nopony will expect Trixie to do that. Wow. That's a good plan. Trixie is so great and powerful and smart. Hehehe.'

<<>>

"Trixie's a princess now." Trixie mumbled absently into the microphone. The audience booed louder than ever before.

<<>>

Trixie is an alicorn. Trixie has the same power as when she had the evil amulet. Trixie doesnt feel like enslaving everypony. Wait... maybe a little bit, mmmm, nah. It looks like all those ponies under the balcony are really mad. All those ponies. Scary. So many ponies... what are they gonna do to Trixie? Okay. Plan B: Trixie really does need to teleport, doesnt Trixie? Oh. Trixie has the power of an alicorn. Relax Trixie. Now where should Trixie teleport to?

<<>>

"For Trixie's final act, we all get what we want! Trixie's gonna leave before you get the pitchforks again. Every time Trixie does a show..." Trixie trailed off and shook her head. She sighed and rolled her eyes at the audience. She leaned over the railing. "Trixie is great and powerful again. Hahaha. Na-na na-na." Trixie stuck her tongue out. Her horn flashed. Trixie was still looking at the audience. The teleport spell failed. She wasn't going anywhere. "Oh yes, Teleport is restricted at the palace. How could Trixie have forgotten. Opps." She mumbled into the microphone. Everypony's mouth dropped at that public statement. "This is embaressing to Trixie." About ten thousand ponies were present, give or take a few thousand.

A gruff stallion voice was heard weakly over Trixie's magical microphone, from the background, directly behind Trixie. "She's trying to get away!" And to the shock of all of Equestria, Princess Trixie was tackled by a dozen burly guards within eleven minutes of becoming a princess.

<<>>

"You are charged with treason." Celestia drawled as she stared down at Trixie, who was standing on two hooves before Celestia. Trixie was being held up, and held firmly, by two large armoured stallions.

"... Do i get a law pony-" Trixie began.

"NO!" Celestia roared. She took a few deep breaths and held her head between her hooves. "Why did yee even desire to be a princess?"

"Power?" Trixie responded. "Trixie said it like, like, a bajllion times. Didn't you go to Trixie's shows?"

"NO!"

"Okay. Um. Sorry? Can Trixie appologize?"

"You're being charged with treason!" Celestia shouted incredulously.

"That's why Trixie is trying to teleport out of here. Trixie is great again-" She flapped her new wings. The guards held her more closely. Trixie yelped. "Trixie's confused. Trixie has wings now, so that means Trixie kept Trixie's promise. Trixie's great again-" The guards put their hooves over Trixie's mouth. Trixie kicked and struggled.

"Yes," Celestia began smugly, "And YEE have to BE a princess." Trixie raised an eyebrow in response. "That means yee have to be polite from now on, and shake alot of hooves, and cut alot of ribbons, but mostly, yee cannot brag anymore. Does yee think yee can be a good, humble (Trixie gasped), pony for the rest of your life?" Celestia forced herself to smile hopefully. The guards removed their hooves from Trixie's shoulders.

Trixie cleared her throat. "Um. Not really. Be good all the time? Trixie's whole life? No. But Trixie can try if you want?" Trixie smiled nervously.

"Did not yee ever think about this before? Have yee never even thought about it!!" Celestia slammed her hooves down on the arms of her throne. There was a short pause before Trixie's eyes flew open.

"Ohhhhh! This is really bad for Trixie."

"Yee are charged with Treason. You are Guilty. The sentence is that you have to keep the OTHER promise yee made, and BE a princess." The guards walked away from Trixie and resumed their posts, in two parallel rows, all the long red carpet leading up to Celestia's throne.

"Um... so... it's okay if Trixie makes alot of mistakes?" Trixie smiled hopefully. Celestia shuddered and shook her head slowly.

"No." Celestia muttered. Trixie cringed and looked away. "Return hence yee came from the balcony, and, and, and-" Celestia's face was getting red.

"Do a magic show?" Trixie suggested.

Celestia stopped the pacing she had just begun. "Yes! Yes! That! Good little pony. Now we are indeed using our heads."

Trixie grinned. "This will be the greatest show in Equestia!"

Celestia nodded her head quickly. A few of the nearby guards were getting nervous at the crazy look in Celestia's eyes. The clinking of their armour; as they shuffled nervously back and forth, pulled Celestia out of her panic attack.

"We suggest that thee use light magic. We shall get Rainbow Dash, and she shall preform one sonic rainboom. They are quite pretty. After that, we, as in i, shall get some rest, while thee, as in yee, shall hit the BOOKS!" Trixie shuddered in horror. She shuddered even more severely a second time.

"When does Trixie sleep?" Trixie asked tentatively.

"You're a princess." Celestia whispered slyly into Princess Trixie's ear. Celestia smiled... then smiled wider as the true horror of what was happenning to Trixie, dawned on Trixie.

"What kind of books?" Trixie whimpered. Trixie's eyes were big and watery, and it wasn't working on Celestia one bit.

"Oh, we don't know, perhaps yee could read some advanced economics, and diplomacy? Yee know. The DRY stuff. For a start. I know exactly the books and they're in your chambers." Celestia smirked and waved a hoof in the air casually. Two guards automatically went to put some books into Princess Trixie's new room. Trixie stumbled. Her jaw fell open. The world was spinning. Trixie shook her mane. She was leaning against the wall weakly. She didn't want to leave the wall. The wall would protect her. She could barely stand up. She was shocked, and as a result, dizzy. Did she seriously have to learn to- to- to- read boring books? Trixie could barely sign her name on an autograph with a golden sharpie!

"Help." Trixie pleaded weakly.

"Get off that wall, march out to the balcony, and do something, yee are a Princees now, and yee are expected to act like it!" Celestia snapped.

"Trixie's not attached to the wall. Trixie is just very dizzy, and Trixie doesn't think Trixie can stand up without the wall."

"Ughhhh!!!" Celestia growled. The nearby guards snickered nervously. Trixie slowly crawled higher up on the wall and slowly made her way down the hall towards that horrible, horrible balcony. The crowd had covered her whole field of vision, the last time she was on the balcony. Trixie decided that she was going to say a few pretty words. Love. Harmony. The good stuff. Then Trixie was going to do a magic show. Ponies liked those. Trixie looked up as the guards escorting her to the balcony cringed worriedly. Trixie was a nervous wreck. She suddenly realized something. She had alot of power. She already knew that, but she had only been thinking in terms of escape for the past 25 minutes. Trixie could do a super awesome lightshow with Trixie's crazy alicorn powers!

"Hopefully, Trixie doesn't have to preform day and night. Trixie is already tired. Time to see if Trixie can control Trixie's new alicorn powers. Note to Trixie: Try not to set the audience on fire again." The guards beside Trixie stumbled and gasped. Their faces became blank before Trixie looked up. They didn't want anything to do with this madness.

Trixie was suddenly at the balcony railing. "You aren't going to like any of Trixie's friends." She sneered into the microphone.

"BOOOOOOOOOO-"

"-They're all former villains. Trixie needs their help. Sorry! They are the only friends that can put up with Trixie." Trixie sniffled and held her head high.

The crowd went silent.

Trixie grabbed the magical glowing microphone. "You are going to LOVE MEEEEE!!!" Trixie had finally done what they'd all been waiting for. She'd used a pronoun instead of her proper name.

"That is how you preform Humility! THAT is my element." Trixie dropped the magic microphone. It began to dissolve as it approached the ground. The crowd was completely silent, and completely horrified as the magical microphone turned into a tiara, and, while it was still glowing, floated back up through the air. It was ontop of Trixie's head now. It looked really silly in her hairdo. Trixie wasn't old enough to have white hair. She obviously dyed it. "Trixie?" Trixie tested. Her assumption was correct. The tiara that made her an element of harmony acted as a loud-speaker.

The crowd slowly began chanting louder and louder.

"All Hail Pincess Trixie!"
The ground began to shake. Even the air began to quiver.

"Trixie, Trixie, Trixie!!!!"

Trixie slowly glided down to the balcony on her new wings. She vanished from the sight of the crowd just as the cheering grew. Trixie and Celestia were striding down the hall, towards the throne room, with their heads held high.

"That should not have worked." Celestia snapped.

"You always say that about Trixie." Celestia gasped. "Trixie's a preformer. If you had of gone to any of Trixie's shows, you'd know that. Trixie's not really that humble." The glow around the tiara was instantly extinguished. Trixie's eyebrow twitched.

"Yee are unbelievable." Celestia muttered at they entered the palace throne room.

"Nope. Trixie is almost exactly one-half believable. Count the ballots." Trixie returned with a sly grin. Celestia's eyes narrowed. She turned around and sat down on the throne, while facing Princess Trixie.

"We cannot believe that yee mastered white lies a matter of minutes ago. We were trying to hide that element."

"Why?" Trixie asked as she stood infront of Celestia. A few guards returned; apparently they had been gone, and now Trixie was sitting down in the chair they had fetched.

"Trixie?"

"Yes?" Trixie looked up as she was addressed.

"Yee have the power to convince ponies of things. Even the ponies of other elements. That is why we hid the final element... the 7th element."

"White-lies?"

"Yes."

Trixie leaned back in Trixie's chair.

"What does Trixie do now?"

Celestia sighed. She was exhausted. "We're stuck with each other."

"Ah." Trixie frowned.

"Basically." Celestia mumbled and slumped down in her chair.

"Do you think they're still chanting Trixie's name?" Trixie wondered out loud.

"It does not matter?" Celestia grumbled.

"No, Trixie means Trixie wants some sleep. Do you think the mob will be quiet?"

"Doubtful. Yee have books to read anyway."

"Please no."

"Yee may sleep in Luna and We's personal alternate dimension. Ask Discord for the keys."

Trixie suddenly shook herself and sat upright in the chair.

"Is that what YOU do?"

"Hmmm?" Celestia inquired tiredly. "Sleep with Discord? Discord? Yes, we need to get some sleep in his dimension." Celestia was so tired, she wasn't watching what she was saying. Trixie took a deep breath. This was all too much for Trixie.

"Trixie is going to find Discord, and Trixie going to get some time-sleep dimension, stuff. Right?"

"Yes. We shall sleep with Discord next." Celestia announced tiredly. With horror, both of them looked at the glowing tiara on Trixie's head.

"It it it- it- it- should not be doing that." Celestia declared with a stutter as she pointed a hoof at it.

"I'll keep your secret." Trixie stuck her tongue out and giggled. Trixie stared up at the ceiling. "Trixie, the Great and Powerful, is a Princess!" Princess Trixie pumped a hoof in the air, and trotted off to find Discord, so he could show her to her dimensional room, so she could get some sleep.

The guards groaned the minute Trixie was out of earshot.

Celestia shook her head. "This shall either be the greatest redemption we have ever pulled off , or... or..." Celestia shrugged and looked back and forth at the guards. "Or... we do not know."

One of the guards spoke up. "Can we do something about the birds?"

Celestia looked around. She couldn't tell which of them had said it.

"I wish they would stop tweeting." Bemoaned Celestia.

A few guards snickered. There was a long pause where nothing said by Celestia, and the guards did their duty, and manned their posts while the crowd under palace balcony chanted 'Trixie-Trixie-Trixie'. The ponies that were farther away at the palace gates were harder to hear.

"Oh. It just hit us." Celestia thought out loud. A few guards glanced towards her from the corners of their eyes. "PRINCESS Trixie." Celestia slumped down in her throne. "It has all gone to Tartarus has it not?"
There was complete silence.

"Let them eat cake? Oh Pinkie, what-have-you-done, what-have-you-done!?!?!?!" Celestia shrieked.

<<>>

Pinkie Pie strode up to the podium, directly infront of the mob at the gates.

"Everpony knows that Twilight Sparkle got a few more votes." Pinkie smiled and nodded her head while the crowd clapped politely. "I did my best to help her become a princess."
Pinkie Pie grinned.

"Tell me, my friends... is this the kind of world you want to live in?"

"NO!" The crowd roared.

"Why are we chopping down the everfree forest? Does anypony DOUBT that scary bad spooky changes are happenning, and that we need to do something?"

"NNNNOOOOO!!!" The crowd was no longer able to remain silent.

"Why can't we respect the Buffulos?"

"Yeah."

"They're equestrian citizens!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"YEAH!" The crowd hung spellbound.

"You should have won Pinkie!" Somepony anonymous yells from the turning mass of ponies.
Pinkie Pie chuckles softly and waves her hooves so the crowd calms down.

"Well... who knows... what i DO know, is that i, am friends, with every single pony in Ponyville." Many ponies in the crowd nodded. "We are, where we are, so we need to use a HUGE amount of imagination to adequetely address the issues facing Equestria!" A responding thump echoed through the crowd. The crowd had stomped it's hooves as one.

"We're-in-deep-trouble." Pinkie Pie nodded solemnly. It was apparent to the ponies close to Pinkie that there were dark rings under her eyes. Many were wondering: Who was this mare? Why was her straight hair so limp? Why did she look so tired? A hush fell over the crowd.

"My Pinkie promise to you, goes like this: I promise. I really do. I promise... to become... now- this IS important; i hope you're listenning, it's about our future together. This is a promise you can count on- i Pinkie Promise to become FRIENDS... with each," Pinkie Pie extended her hooves towards the crowd... "each and EveryLivingBeingInEquestria... BEFORE TRIXIE-" Pinkie gestured towards the the towering walls of the palace. "-beforetrixieDESTROYS ALL OUR FRIENDSHIPS, BY FILLING OUR WORLD WITH HATE!"
Pinkie's cutie mark exploded with light. The gates began rattling.

*********

Rainbow Dash glided towards the throne room with a purpose. She has had enough of whatever the flying wonderbolt was going on.

She was at the throne room doors. One guard stood at each side of the double-doors.

"Go and join the mail-service. It's not like you could ever stop me." She growled at the guards guarding the doors. They gripped their weapons. Rainbow Dash tapped her badge. 'Wonderbolt.' It read. Her cutie mark glowed omniously.

The guards dropped their weapons and scampered away. Rainbow Dash took a flying shoudler-check to the door, and burst into the room. Celestia immediately stood up from her throne.

"What is going on here, my little pony?" Princess Celestia shouted confidently as Rainbow Dash speed throught the air, between the rows of guards.

"What is going on? I'll tell you what's goin' on Celestia!" Rainbow Dash sneered. "There's something wrong with the wonderbolts and they - need - to - Stop." The tip of Rainbow Dash's hoof was an inch from Celestia's face. "I'm loyal to my friends..." Rainbow Dash's hoof began to shake as her eyes teared up, "Not to you." Rainbow Dash dropped her hoof. Rainbow Dash's cutie mark glowed again. "We have come to bargain, Celestia."

A Rainbow shimmer wall began to push Celestia back. Celestia's eyes narrowed at this unexpected ability. Her horn lit up in response, and covered her in a protective bubble. They were at a stalemate.
A few guards suddenly stepped forward.

"I am the flying freaking wonderbolt you all need to watch out for!!!" Rainbow's eyes were wide and enraged as she slowly turned in place and pointed her hoof at the ring of guards forming to surround her. "The authority of my position as written in the History of the Wonderbolts that i perfectly memorized for that test, like, a while back, invested me with the power to dissolve The Wonderbolts if i see really bad stuff that needs to stop." Rainbow Dash whispered. "Obey my orders." The guards hesitated. Rainbow's eyes darted back and forth.

Rainbow Dash was no longer there. The impact of her instanteous takeoff blew everypony, including Celestia, back.

<<>>

The door to Sunset Shimer's locker opens. She peers inside. One of Fluttershy's bird's is there, somehow. The bird opens it's mouth. Sunset slams her locker door, closed.

"I don't even wanna know. You guys are gonna seriously owe me, after this." Sunset mumbled. She rubbed her forhead with her fingers and closed her eyes. After a moment to calm her breathing, she turned and strode down the hall of her school.

Her eyes flashed open. She started to glow or something. Canterlot high barely batted an eye. They were used to this stuff already.

<<>>

Rarity put down her napkin and raised her glass. "To Twilight Sparkle's victory." She inclined her head a notch.

"Here-Here." The rich fashion ponies in the boutique echoed as one.

"In the popular vote of course." Rarity added as she sat down. A few ponies chuckled. "Never forget that." Rarity smiled. "Let's give them what they deserve." Rarity's cutie mark glowed ominiously. The curtains to the stage parted. "I'm sure you'll remember her from all her charity work."

<<>>

"This is a good Apple."

Rainbow Dash crashed into the barn behind Applejack. Applejack noticed bits of wood and timber being scattered about her property, at the edges of her vision.

"Ima pretend that right there didn't just happen, ima get mah hat, and i want ya to join me when you dust yourself off." Applejack's cutie mark started to glow. She glared it it. The cutie mark stopped glowing.

"Cool." Rainbow Dash raised a hoof and waved. "Thanks for asking if im okay!" Rainbow pouted. "Meanie."

Applejack spit out a few seeds. "You here to ask me lead the guard?"

<<>>

A single candle burned as Trixie peered into the book. A single ray of sunlight came down like a pillar in the center of the room. The single small square window in Trixie's new room was open.

"Tweet-Tweet." The little bird on her shoulder said.

Trixie smiled dreamily.

"Flutter-"

<<>>

"UGH! Buffalo are okay. UGH! Am very politely displeased. UGH! Am being very attactive right now."

"Oh my gosh you are so hot." The lady yaks said.
"Need to calm down before break something again. UGH. Am very madly attrative. UGH."

Author's Note

<<<>>> Coming NEXT! Upvote this alot. Comment politely, put this on main page, or downvote. Ask your friends why this is funny. Want to find out what happens next, tell me you like this drivel, otherwise, i'll assume that this is hack garbage. This is a complete story. I will decide if i want to write a seperate, sequel, later. I own nothing.
I continue to edit sp? mistakes/ grammer. (I think ive fixed most of em) Advise of error in comments if you have time.