The Only Book That ~~StarSwirl~~ RalphNado Exists In

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Pinkie was chatting idly with a few of the ponies in the milling crowd. Then the sun and moon started to rotate so fast that Pinkie thought she was having another seizure-freak-out.

"What did you do, Pinkie?!" Twilight screeched. The towering iron gate became surrounded with a purple glow. The gate began to rise. Twilight ducked under it and went straight for Pinkie at a quick trot. The crowd that had been trying to break the gates down was simply too shocked to do anything more than step back a bit, and allow Twilight to pass. "Pie in the sky Pinkie, ruining everything with her sillyness again." Twilight actually growled.

"OOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" The crowd reacted.

"Save your speeches for Filthy Rich!" Pinkie snapped as she turned to face the Alicorn.

"OOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

The two ponies came nose to nose.

Two tiny disks of light appeared in-between them. They both stared at the disks curiously.

"I'm not doing it i swearrrrrrRRRRRR-" Twilight began. A hoof came out of each disk, grabbed Twilight and Pinkie by the scruffs of their necks, and tossed them into an empty, all-white, alternate dimension. "AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Twilight screamed.

"Wwwwweeeeeee!!!" Pinkie screamed happily.

'Thump.' Each pony faceplanted against something.

"Rock bottom?" Pinkie wondered out loud. Twilight tapped it with a hoof.

"Glass ceiling?" Twilight theorized. The glass ceiling cracked. They both started falling again.

"Hello." A different pony was falling too. He looked really old. He also looked a lot like-

"STARSWIRL???!!!! EEEEEEEE!!!!" Twilight screeched excitedly.

"AAAHHHHHH!!!" Pinkie wanted to feel like part of group. She wasn't really sure what was happening.

"AAAHHHHH!!!" The old pony had fallen asleep for a second. He was surprised to find out that he was falling through the air. He shook himself.

"Not StarSwirl. That's just a spell I invented. A spell that Trixie got a hold of." The old pony mumbled. He shot angry glare at Pinkie, then stared off into nothingness.

...

"Oh my gosh you're soooo cool. Will you sign my face?" Twilight asked hopefully. She had a huge grin on. She quickly wiped it off. More space for ~~StarSwirl~~ to sign on.

"Fine." He grumbled. He took out a black marker. 'Imagine, Twilight Sparkle.' He wrote. He turned his attention to Pinkie, now that he'd blown Twilight's mind completely.

"I'm Pinkie. What's your name?" She asked happily.

"RalphNado. Here's a copy of my book." Pinkie raised an eyebrow as she took the hardcover between her hooves.

"Animal Frenzy?" Pinkie inquired. "Is this smut?"

"Ugh... a little bit near the end i guess." RalphNado muttered grumpily.

"I like your cutiemark." Pinkie remarked calmly. RalphNado looked over his shoulder so he could see it to. It was a peace sign overlaid on circle of blue and green.

"That's nice. I'm old as the trees. Thanks for all your community service work." The old pony nodded.

"You mean the parties?"

"I don't really like partys." RalphNado grumbled. "The last two i saw were awful. Your job is to throw a huge third party."

"I can do that." Pinkie nodded.

"I'm confused, where are we?" Twilight shook herself awake. Neither of the other two ponies could take her seriously when she had ~~Starswirl's~~ RalphNado's autograph scrawled over her forehead.

"First one to catch the cat wins." RalphNado declared. "I'm too old for this. I'm going on a roadtrip to sell my book. Bye." Despite his age, RalphNado still managed to Ponypunt the pair out of his time-space dimension. "GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER!"

Twilight and Pinkie hit the ground. The real ground. It was cartoon and made of real dirt.

"Oh thank Celestia." Twilight sucked in a breath, and hugged the ground like a long lost friend. Her mind shut-down from the shock. Her drool was slowly turning the dirt under her chin into mud.

"Did i just have another unhinged psychotic episode?" Pinkie wondered out loud as she brushed herself.

"No." RalphNado's head appeared from a small dish of light in front of Pinkie. "Trixie and friends used my spell. That means i can track them. You are where-ever, and when-ever they are. Within a small margin of error."

"Oh."

"Get the cat."

"Got it." Pinkie saluted.

"This is all your fault for reading my spell out of Twilight's book, and then telling Trixie."

"I know." Pinkie kicked at ground guiltily.

"Those three scare the crap out of me. I'm too old for this."

RalphNado's head was sucked back into... somewhere.

Pinkie looked around.

She was too shocked to understand what she was seeing.

"Night-night Twilight." Twilight mumbled something in response. Sleep was clearly needed. A few hours, anyway. She curled up in a ball.

They slept for exactly two hours, give or take a few days.

Author's Note

Let's build those downvotes.