Ahhh, Christmas Eve in Canterlot City... A holiday celebrating the unconfirmed birthday of a Jew who was mercilessly beaten, tortured for days, and crucified for the sake of religion. A time of year when people max out credit cards, Jim Carrey’s ‘The Grinch’ earns a few thousand more bucks, and people care for domesticated pine trees in their own living rooms for a month. It’s as if all of Equestria starts acting like our heavily-medicated grandfathers. Truly a magical time of year until January hits we start hating each other again.

’Door slam!’

“Room-’hic!’ R-Roomieee~!” Yes, marketing and historical murder aside, it was quite a holly-jolly time of year! For some though, they could probably do with a bit less holly-jolly... “That Sprite Cran’hic!’ Cran... Cranberry’s fuckin’ awesome!”

...For their own good.

“Thirst... Thirstiest tiiime~!... Somethin’ somethin’... ’Burp!’ Hehe, I think someone spiked it~.” Wonder what gave her that idea.

“On Jesus Christ’s birthday!” Anon scolded from the far end of the room, next to the door to his room. “Do you ever fucking think before you act?”

“Psh, nahhh. Who the hell...” Aria noticed his current apparel. “Uh...” He was all bundled up with a Christmas Sweater and... “Please tell me I’m dreaming.” He stood half-lidded, wearing fake deer-antlers and a glowing red nose. The big burly sweater he had on was the real kicker though, right down to the festive red and green color scheme. What really took the cake was the big Gingerbread man stitched smack in the center with ‘Mommy’s lil gumdrop’ in white cursive. “Oh...” Two seconds of silence... “Oh my gh-HAAAHAHAHA!” Aria began laughing in her drunken state, stumbling about with a pointed finger and promptly falling against the wall. “Y-you look like the one reindeer Santa couldn’t lov-aaahahaha!”

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up!” Anon snapped. “Just get it outta your-“

’Stumble-thump!’

Aria’s intoxication combined with the laughter weakening her legs was enough to finally bring the whore crashing down. “Too much! Oh my god this is too muuuch! Aaahahaha! ”

Alright, Anon’s had enough at this point. “Keep laughing and you won’t get any of my mother’s home-made-”

“Snicker-doodles!?” Aria seemed to sober up real quick. “Woah now, let’s... N-not get too hasty!” Not completely, mind you. She clearly had trouble standing with the giggles that she let slip, but at the very least she made an effort. “Guess that explains...’Snicker’ The outfit.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He huffed and took a seat on the couch, next to the tree. “Four years now and you still find these so damn hilarious...”

“Because your mother somehow makes every Christmas Sweater more laughable than the last.” Aria slowly got herself back to her feet. “I mean, the antlers? You-’hic!’ Y-you expect me not to laugh at those?” She stumbled over to him, sitting down on the couch next to him. “Oh, and that nose.” She gave it a playful honk, pissing him off further. “Not gonna sugar-coat it, your mom’s fucking brilliant.”

“Apparently they were both on-sale, and I had to wear it during the family dinner.” Anon grumbled, gaining some chuckles from Aria. “You got any scotch? I wanna forget my mother for a bit.”

“Wanna Sprite Cranberry?” She pulled the can out from her coat pocket. “Got some acid and throw-up in it but it’s still cold.”

“... Keep it.” He mumbled in utter disappointment, reaching around under the tree. “Reminds me though, dad got me something for the trip.” He pulled out a large bottle of what one would assume to be alcohol, and it had a big red ribbon on the cork.

“Your dad got you that?” Aria asked. “Could’ve at least got you a card with your piss-cheap booze.”

“He made it himself, Aria.” He informed her. “Calls it his Penguin Brew.”

“Oh... Penguin Brew?” Aria asked in a curious tone. “Sounds like a pussy’s drink.”

“Far from it, Aria.” He corrected. “My old man’s brew is extremely potent, and this is our family’s signature booze.” He held the bottle up. “The process takes years to complete, as it requires repeatedly freezing and defrosting the stuff to evaporate the water while keeping the alcohol pure and unexposed to the outside.”

Aria could only stare. “Sounds... Cool?” Mainly in confusion because she didn’t fucking understand half the shit he was saying.

“... Alright, let’s try something else.” He gave her the bottle. “Drink it.”

“...Kay.” Without so much as a sign of hesitation Aria popped it open and chugged. “...Ng-’choke!’” Aria felt that shit hit her stomach like a gut-punch from Rocky himself, and all of sudden her senses... Holy shit, that Acid-laced Cranberry was the pussy-drink now. “Ho... Hoooly balls.”

“Ol’ pops calls it ‘Tactical Nuclear Penguin’.” Anon explained, causing Aria to look at him in wide-eyed shock. “Some of the strongest shit on the face of this planet, strong enough to kill.” He reached down again and pulled out a box, the snicker-doodles Anon had spoke of along with a Christmas Card from dear mommy. “Merry Christmas, Aria.”

She just... Couldn’t believe it. “No... No don’t fuckin’ do this.” She begged, almost teary-eyed. “I don deserve dis.” And clearly very, very drunk.

“You really don’t.” He agreed. “But what the hell, it’s Christmas... Plus, you’re the only person I’ve met so far that could chug that and not pass out on the spot.”

She looked down at the bottle, then back up to him. “I... G-Goddammit, you...” The teary-eyes said it all, not even a diamond ring could compare to this. “You’re so fucking...’Sniff!’ You’re just...” Her smile was so real, so big and genuine and angry and... “You... Y-you brought this on yourself you idiot!” Aria leaped at him and hugged him tight with a blush, giving him a big, wet kiss...

On the lips...

Anon was quite unprepared for something like this, so much so that the shock had left him wide-eyed and unable to move, all the while Aria hungrily lapped at his lips in her drunken affections.

Aria, though hammered like a nail, amazingly had enough control in herself to stop it there. She pulled away with a saliva string stuck to her tongue, giggling with a drunken grin. “Your lips taste like Snicker-Doodles~.”

“I... Did you just...” He mumbled, still trying to register what had happened.

“Warned ya, idiot~.” She giggled obnoxiously, nuzzling in his chest with her face facing away. “Play with my heart like that and Blazey’s gonna be one naughty girl.” When she looked up again, her lips were red wi-

’Smooooch!’

“Literally...” Well, not only were her lips glossed with thick red lipstick, but now Anon’s own shared a similar fate. “You ready for the rest?”

The second kiss was the slap to the face that brought him back. “Wait, when did you put that stuff on!?” Like a snake in the grass, the girl struck him yet again. Her lips met with his cheek this time and left behind a red lip-print. “H-hey! Don’t-!”

She wrapped him up tight, making sure he wasn’t going anywhere. “I was planning on giving you a girly key-chain for Christmas...” She kissed his other ckeek, giving it a similar lip mark. “But then I saw the mistletoe stitched onto your dumb horn, Rudolph.” The look in her eyes... It wasn’t lust or kindness anymore. It was the look of mischief. The playful eyes a Kanker Sister overlooking a hog-tied, gift-and-bow-wrapped Ed-boy. “Twenty-five kisses.” She snickered with a short pause, simply to build tension. “And one mushy Christmas Card for your friends and family to laugh at.”

“No... Oh god, please, no!” Anon begged for mercy. “This is sexual assault, Aria! I won’t hesitate to call the cops!”

“What, you afraid of a lil love?” She teased, before pinning him down by his neck in frighteningly brutal strength. “Hold still, Gumdrop.” She popped out her lip-stick and began marking his forehead. “Hmm... Little curve...... r... i... a!” She snickered at her handiwork. “Perfect.” After that, she glossed her lips again to keep the marks nice and thick. “Twenty-two more kissies, hugga-butt!” She announced, savoring the fear in his face as she slowly got closer. “Pucker-up~!”

“Don’t you fucking-... Aria, stop!” He wasn’t ready for this, he was absolutely the farthest thing from ready. “I’m gonna kill you! I’ll fucking-!”

“Shaddup.” His threat was silenced by yet another affectionate kiss. Struggle as he might, he was no match for Aria’s drunken strength. Not even a Christmas Miracle would stop this...

That night, lots of love was given. Forcefully so, admittedly. But even worse still, was the Christmas Card Aria promised. A picture of the both of them together, a memory that will be forever preserved. They were laying together in a two-man selfie, Aria’s lips nice and red, firmly planted on Anon’s cheek as it was taken.

Poor Anonymous, god help him, was utterly laced with kiss marks. He had the most spiteful pout on his face, with the words ‘I love Aria’ sloppily written on his forehead in red gloss.

But... Despite all the lip gloss and humiliation, a small part of him really enjoyed seeing his roommate happy. He was never getting her alcohol for Christmas ever again but yeah, pretty nice making her happy!

Good luck explaining the card to your folks Anon, you’re gonna need it.

Author's Note

Sorry for the late Christmas Entry, as soon as Christmas hit my doggo had been given her angel wings.

RIP my doggo, you were a good gril and now you’re in an urn on my nightstand.