Author's Note

Sorry for the huuuge stop in production, college has been fucking my ass lately and I came down with a bug shortly after. With that said, here’s something I cooked up to get my mind running for more Maud storyline.

The Filthiest of Filler Chapters

It was an average day at the Bar, one Friday afternoon. Business was rather plentiful with the Patriots taking on the Eagles, a good chance to monopolize the hell outta this event of Brady winning another Super Bowl... Well, not that Anon really cared about who won, or even about Football in general. He did, however, care about how much people drank their bloody brains out to celebrate.

"Yo, another round over here!" A patron of a large group requested, more money to line his pockets...

"Same here, dude! We're going dry!"

"Us, too!"

"Easy, easy!" Anon poured the first platter. "One at a time, I'm the only one working here!" Busy as a bee, he was. But it'd all be worth it once he got that shiny new flat-screen for his living room... Hell, if this kept going he'd be able to buy his own bloody house!... Well, he probably shouldn't go that far. He's getting loaded but not that loaded, because half of all this would go into restocking the alcohol consumed here. Not to mention inevitable property damage when the more, let's call them 'dedicated' fans, get a little too tipsy...

Speaking of dedicated fans, here comes one right now! "Ey, bar-man! Where's mah drink!?" He slurred. "It's not a party until I'm seein' sideways!"

"No can do, Curly. You wanna get tanked you do it at home." Anon stated, which seemed to infuriate the man.

"Why I have half a mind to!-" The drunkard swung his hand in anger, a bit too hard for his legs it seemed. He spun around and fell onto the counter in his drunken rampage. "S-... Stop... Spininggg..." And just like that, he slowly fell asleep. Anon awkwardly pushed him off the counter, the man was out cold. A small group of guys came by and dragged him away giving Anon apologetic looks. He just shook his head and resumed filling more glasses. "It ain't even half-time yet and they're dropping like flies..."

"Um, excuse me!" Anon looked to his left, a girl standing there. "Um, so like, there's this weird guy or whatever going around and, like, being a total creep."

Anon paused... He hadn’t seen the girl before and he was very keen on remembering faces. Looked pretty young, too... A bit too young for his tastes. "Um, how old are you, first of all." He asked.

The girl opened her mouth to speak but the question had suddenly registered in her brain. "Um... I'm like, twenty-three?"

Anon just shook his head, she couldn’t even fool herself let alone him. "Christ Almighty, it's not even half-time yet..." He stepped out of the safe-haven of his counter and whistled, three heads poked out of the crowd. "Alright, what'd he look like, kid?" The three men approached from the crowd, the Diamond Dog gang, Anon's most reliable form of unpaid security.

"He was, like... I think as tall as you are. He had on this weird brown hat-thing and pink shades or something. They had a price sticker on one of the lenses." Okay, pretty descriptive so far. "Oh, and he had this big bag with him... Um..." The girl suddenly blushed a bit. "H-he asked for... He asked me for something, like, really offensive and crude."

"Oi, we gettin' those types already!?" Rover asked in surprise. "It ain't even half-time yet!"

Anon just sighed. "First one to bring him here gets the good stuff, on me." The three goons brightened at the offer and quickly started to scout out the person. "And you." Anon addressed the girl. "I'm gonna level with you, I'm gonna have a lot more minors try sneaking in later so-."

"So you're letting me go?" She interrupted with a hopeful tone.

"Look, just don't go making a fool of yourself. If you get in trouble I'm not-" The girl hugged him suddenly, then bolted off to who knows where. "Hey, hey! I’m not-!" She'd already slipped into the crowd. "Ugh, damn kids..." Anon poured more glasses, more people came by and paid. "Oh well, she ain't mine..."

Anon resumed cleaning glasses and serving patrons. After around the 15 minute mark there was a sudden commotion in the crowd, and out came Fido holding an... Odd man by his shirt collar. "Where's my bottle, Anon?" He asked in a gruff tone.

"Whoa, man. Just take it easy!" The mystery man said in a forced, raspy voice. "I don't want any trouble!"

Brown hat, pink glasses with the stamp, weird bag... Yeah, this is probably the guy. "Set him down, Fido. I'll take care of it from here." Anon reached under the counter and took out a bottle, the 'good stuff' that he promised. The thug and his fellow goonies retreated back to their table to share their prize. "So, I hear you're going around asking women for things."

"Now look man, I don't discriminate, alright?" He pleaded, confusing Anon. "I mean it ain't too much trouble, alright?" He leaned onto the counter. "So um..." He looked off to the side briefly. "You selling any pussy?"

....... "What?" Anon was quite flabbergasted. "I... You want what?"

"Y-you know, just... Just an average dude lookin' for some pussy." He said it so casually, like it was an actual product he served here.

Anon just... He had no words. "Uh... N-no, we... We don't serve vagina here."

"Ah, I see. Well good day to you, sir." The man just walked off, two other guys following behind trying to suppress laughter.

Anon just went back to filling glasses. "I should probably have the Diamonds on watch for that guy..." He told himself, looking over at the gang. "Hmm... Hey Rover!"

Anon's afternoon thus far has been oddly quiet, a bit too quiet... The game was on right now, so most eyes were glued to the hanging TV in the corner. He liked to refer to this as his own little half-time break now that drinks weren't being ordered left and right. So far there have been no signs of that weirdo from a little while ago. Perhaps he left to go ruin someone else's business?

'Aaaaaah!'

That high-pitched scream liked to argue otherwise... "Creep!" A girl screamed, following a herd of her friends running out of the bathroom.

"Oh, bloody..." Anon stepped out of the bartender's space and took a broom with him "I'll handle it, folks!"

"Step aside!" The two guys from before? What the fuck are they doing here? "Sorry sir, we'll handle this." The first guy said, taking his broom from him. The second member followed behind, holding a camera and... Those were dead rats he was holding.

"Okay, what in the name of god is going on!?" Anon demanded to know, seething with confused rage. “Why the hell do you have dead rodents in my establishment!?”

"It's okay sir, no need to panic." A third member of this gang appeared from the crowd, giving off a homosexual vibe for some reason... He honestly didn’t know why, either. Perhaps it was the glasses? "We're just here to beat-up the gay retard for you."

“R-Retard!?” The third member ran off, leaving Anon in even more confusion. "I... WHY?!"

"For views." There was a bloody fourth member!? "Anything for views..." The big-boned man shook his hand and walked into the bathroom, holding a big box containing various tin cans.

......

"WHAT?!?" That's all poor Anon could say. His brain died somewhere between meeting the third and watching the fourth walk away. With the little sense he had left, Anon grabbed... Wait, fuck they took the broom. Anon looked around for anything he could use as a blunt object.

The bathroom door burst open and-... Okay what in the literal fuck. "HAMBURGUR PWEEEASE!!!" So, for some reason that was beyond Anon's comprehension, a mental defective in nothing but a pink onesie somehow got ito the women's bathroom. He was hunched down on his hands and feet like a feral, screaming his head off and disturbing the peace of the bar. He ran at Anon, then just collapsed in front of him in what one would describe as an epileptic fit, moaning and making other questionable sounds as he thrashed about.

"Watch out stranger!" A man with a weird fucking accent warned, stepping out of the bathroom. "He's attempting the reproduce on de floor!" What the damn diddly fuck was he wearing!?... Wait, that's the fucko that had the gay glasses! "Begone you filthy animole!" He started to beat the pink guy with the stolen broom provided by accomplice number two.

"NYAAAH! AUUUUGHNNYEEESS!" The loon just moaned, humping the air and speaking some fucking weeb language that Anon didn’t understand. “Nyaaaah! Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo!”

“Quit being a fucking faggot!” The fat one stepped out and started pelting pink-fuck with dead rats and what looked like globs of spaghettio's. “Autistic fucking cunt!” The second member, the broom-thief with the long hair hair, was just laughing his ass off as the pink one was screaming like a fucking maniac.

If Anon had to ever describe to a therapist what he felt that day, it wouldn't be possible. No words could describe the strife he's feeling right now... After running out of things to throw at him, the fat one and the cunt wearing the green and red costume-thing dragged him into the bathroom. ”NAAAH! GIBE DA PUSI PLZ! GIBE ME DA PUSI B0SS!” Door slammed shut, various screams of pleasure/pain/some-other-third-fucking-description could be heard throughout the bar. Shortly after, the screams were drowned out by repeated flushing from inside. Complete and utter silence by literally everybody in the bar.

..........

"And the Patriots lose, ladies and gentlemen!" Now all eyes were back on the screen. “What a shocking turn of events, the Eagles have taken the 2018 SuperBowl!” The diamond Dogs stepped in and gave Anon a drink. He decided to partake and sat down with them, taking a swig of the bottle he provided them earlier. "Brady, the well known member of the Patriots, has dropped so many balls that he's making this game look like a Butterfingers commercial!"

"Hey, aren't we sponsoring Butterfingers, Volley?"

"I don't know Pacer, but if we are than Brady's got a running joke coming at him, let me tell you!"

”RRAAAAHH!!!” The pink guy ran passed the crowd, his head soaked in toilet water and shit-paper. He stopped briefly and turned to face Anon, noticing the bottle. “... You dealin’ shots, mang?”

“Don’t let that Failed Abortion get away!” His fellow odd-balls followed close behind, chasing him out the door with toilet-paper rolls.

The cunt clad in green, a.k.a. the faggot with the gay glasses, gave said cleaning tool back to him before leaving. “Tank yee mine green comerade for helping defend de omneverse.” He gently booped Anon’s nose and scampered our the door...

Anon just didn't care anymore.

(Later that evening)

Aria was watching some brain-numbing TV while she waited for Anon to get home, having nothing better to do with her time since she had no responsibilities like everybody else. “In other news, Football superstar Brady Legends utterly dropped the ball during today’s SuperBowl, and fans far and wide are in an utter uproar!”

She rolled her eyes and turned it off. “God, this is getting annoying.” She grumbled. “I fucking get it already, world! Brady fucked up!” She huffed and turned to her phone for some entertainment that wasn’t centered on the SuperBowl’s Super-Flop of the bloody century. “Wonder what’s on YouTube.” She noticed that one of her bigger subs had posted. “Frank posted?” She wondered out-loud. “This outta be good...” She tapped the note and pulled up the video, ‘The Best Way to Celebrate the Super Bowl’, 2.1 million views.

Anon’s face was part of the thumbnail...

Anon was driving home, utterly exhausted from today’s events. He never did find that guy in the pink suit or his friends after the game officially ended, and a good portion of him didn’t wanna press more into the matter. So, he decided to bury the issue and move on with his life. He already had one problem living under his roof, and at least this problem wasn’t a spastic loon...

’vrrr! ‘vrrr!’

Speaking of that little problem... Anon took out his phone and answered. “Aria if you got arrested I swear to Christ-“

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” She yelled. “YOU MET THE FRANCIS OF THE FILTH!”

“Th-... The what?” He asked, feeling confused for the umpteenth time today.

“Filthy Frank!? Internet sensation and the funniest fuck of all time!?!?” She sounded quite offended. “Dude, like, what the literal fuck! You seriously have no idea!?”

“Aria, I’m utterly fucking done with today. So to put it bluntly for you, no and I don’t care.” He found his apartment complex and turned into the lot. “I’m pulling in, gonna hang up now.” He beeped her off, parking the car and taking his keys. “Christ almighty...” He sighed to himself. “I can finally relax a bit.”

“There he is!” Anon turned to face the-... Mob of people? “That’s the guy that was with Pink Guy!” Pink Guy?... Ohhhh fuck, not this shit again. “Get him!” Ohhhhh fuck, not this shit! The mob joyfully ran at him, he fucked-off toward his house and scrambled for the keys.

“Don’t let him get away!” One Filthy fan screamed. “That jacket’s gotta be worth a fortune if Pink Guy and Dubbbz touched it!”

“I want his shirt!” Another screamed.

“Run faster! He’s almost there!” The door was opened by Aria, who signaled him to fucking book it before they caught up. “No, he’s gonna get away!”

Anon ran inside, Aria slammed the door and braced it with a chair as she began to set all the locks. “Jesus Christ!” Anon gasped out. “The hell... ’gasp’ The hell is wrong with them!?”

“Filthy Frank’s pretty famous, dude.” Aria reminded him. “Didn’t think the fans were this crazy, though.”

Anon, having recovered his breath, stood up and dusted his clothes off. “ Ugh, it’s one problem after another today...” Whatever, at least he was safe now. He doubted that he’d hear the last of those lunatics but for now he could rest easy... Hopefully. “So, I’m guessing you're hungry?”

“You know it, dude.” She replied. “Went out and partied all day for the Super Bowl, and your favorite roomie’s out of juice.”

Anon shook his head. “You and me both, Blaze.” He got to work making some nuggies for Aria to munch on, nothing fancy or complicated to make. He barely had any energy himself and just wanted to sleep today away as soon as he could. “Eat up, roomie.”

“Sweet.” Aria took the plate and began stuffing her face. “You wan’ shome?”

“I’ll pass, I’m just gonna head to bed.” He waved her off and trudged to his room. “Ugh, Filthy Frank...” He grumbled. “I hope I never have to hear that name again.” He opened the door to his room, and there it was. The love of his life, the sunshine of his day... “Hello, my sweet.” His bed has never looked more beautiful than in this very moment in time. “Ohhh, what I wouldn’t give to marry you, sweet fabric bliss.” His door suddenly clicked shut, turning around he noticed a girl. “What the...” She smiled at him with brace-lined teeth, an admittedly adorable display but in the sense of a peppy teen (he’s not into minors, mind you). She had light-blue skin with dark-orange twintails laying over her shoulders and was wearing a plain gray jacket with some similarly-colored sweat-pants. She looked fairly young, probably still a teen if he had to guess (and again, not into minors). “Um... Who the hell are you and why are you in my house?”

“Hmm... No reashon!” She had a bit of a lisp to her ‘s’s it seemed. “Well... There ish one reashon, I shupposhe...” The girl moved at speeds similar to a Velociraptor, closing the gap between them and taking a long, big...

’Sniiiiffff!’

Oookay than, getting kinda weird... ”Mmm!” The girl shuttered, her legs locking up a bit. “You have hish shent...” Eeyup, can’t get any weirder than that. “I’m Franku’sh biggesht fan, Shummer Shtorm.” She introduced with a breathless tone, failing to sound attractive. “Papa Franku’sh my idol, and I love everything about him~!” The fuck? Was she drooling on him!? “Th-thish ish kinda forward, but... Can I lick hish shent off of you?”

“Excuse me!?” Taken aback, Anon fell backwards onto the bed. “Ohh Hell no! Don’t you dare lay a hand on me, kid!”

“B-but it’ll be quick! Pleashe...” Now she was on the bed. “J-jusht a... Jusht a tashte...”

The door clicked open. “Hey asshole, I-... What the literal hell!” Aria comes to save the day! “I thought I told you to piss-off, stubborn brat!”

“Eep!” The kid jumped off the bed and ran for the window, quickly jumping out. “Crapcrapcrapcra-!”

’Thump!’

..... Yeah, Anon’s room was on the second floor. “I’m... I’m okay!..... Ow...”

Aria shook her head and closed the window. “I swear, if I catch that bitch in this house again...”

Anon just shook his head. “I’m not even gonna ask how many break-ins she’s made.” He grumbled under his breath. “Is your room open? Might consider bunking with you for the night so I don’t get fucking ambushed.”

Aria just shrugged. “You wouldn’t be the first guy I’ve slept with, so I really don’t care.” Disregarding the innuendo, Anon stripped to his underwear, took his pillow and followed Aria to her room. “Oh and don’t worry, Aria’s not romping any guys tonight.”

“Glad I didn’t have to ask.” Aria opened her door, and the scent fucking slapped him in the face. Imagine, if you would, the perfume-rich scent of a girl’s room. The neatly folded sheets, occasional stuffed animal and overall pleasant look in general...

This was the farthest thing from being Aria’s room.

Her room was a mess; littered with clothes, cans, bags of chips, the occasional carton of ice-cream. Like Jesus Christ, she was messier than most men were! The scent mentioned from before was rich with the musk of sex as you’d expect, though he did note the light hint of weed mixed with it. Her bed, lord almighty her bed had the worst of it. Aria never made her bed, she always thought it was a waste of energy making it because she’d just fuck it up later. There were stains all over the sheets, a lot of them Anon feared may be from bodily fluids. The pillows weren’t stained nearly as bad but had noticeable bite-marks around the edges...

For just a brief second, Anon considered getting raped over sleeping in here.

“Welp, make yourself at home man.” Aria guided him in, he never once took his eyes off that sad display of a bed... He almost felt like he was betraying his own over this one. He felt as if he was a married man being forced to fuck a whore. “Yeah, would’ve cleaned a little bit if I knew you were gonna bunk... Well, probably.”

Anon just sighed... “If I find a condom in the bed I’m going back to mind.” He warned, to which Aria snickered. “The hell’s so funny?”

“Anon, you should know by now that I don’t use those things.” She reminded, much to Anon’s ever-increasing disappointment in her. “C’mon you pussy, I promise those sheets won’t bite!”

“I’ve seen snakes that look less threatening than that bed.” A fighter ‘til the end, he was.

Aria shrugged. “Can’t be helped, I guess.” She pushed him toward it. “Only one way a baby bird’ll leave the nest, Anon!”

“Aria don’t you fucking-!” She gave one more extra-hard push. “ARIA YOU CUNT!” His face hit sheets, but Aria wasn’t finished. She jumped right in and started wrangling him to submission. “I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU!”

“I’m!... Doing this because I... love you!... Stubborn little...” Aria’s surprising strength allowed her to succeed in containing him within the sheets. He still struggled but he was stuck under her, a futile effort but one he preformed anyway. “Phew! Haven’t had to do that in a while... Mamma Bird’s out of shape.”

“Aria this is arguably worse than getting raped!” Anon complained. “Hell, I’d probably feel less dirty getting raped than being in this prison!”

“God you’re such a prude.” She grumbled. “You gotta learn how to lighten up, man. I mean the bed isn’t bad once you get comfy.”

....... Well, he couldn’t really deny that it’s a lot comfier than it looks. Plus he hasn’t caught the Clap yet...

“That’s what I thought.” Aria let him go, grabbing a portion of the sheets and joining him. “Sleep tight, roomie!”

He huffed and just decided to go with it instead of argue further. Despite what he said before he couldn’t argue against the extra security with her around... Wait, why didn’t he just invite her to his room?

.....

Meh, whatever. He didn’t feel like bothering her more than he already has. I mean she didn’t have to let him stay by her side, and she sure as hell didn’t have to try convincing him to stay and help him avoid a situation he didn’t want any... Part of...

.....

“(Wow... I can’t believe that Aria of all people was the mature one here.)” He thought to himself, reflecting on his behavior. “(Kinda feel like a dick now...)” Aria mumbled some sleep-jargon and rolled over, her arms moving to hold onto him. “(Christ, she’s already out-cold...)” Instead of moving her off, he decided to let it slide this one time. He felt like he owed it to her at the very least. “(At least she’s pretty warm...)” Eventually he too felt the embrace of sleep overtake him. His last thoughts were about how he’d make it up to her tomorrow... Probably with food or something... Yeah, that’d work.

Morning came by relatively slow. Anon’s clock screeched but he wasn’t in the room... No, he was someplace that turned out to be much more comfortable, where the morning delayed even further for him. He awoke by himself for once, something he only did during holidays. Aria was still holding onto him in her sleep, mumbling and drooling... He really didn’t care, oddly enough. But why didn’t he?... Whatever. “Mh... What time is it?” No clocks within his line of sight... But that’d mean he’d have to get-up and go look for one... Against his better judgement, he decided to give that idea a big ‘fuck no’ and instead snuggled deeper into the sheets. “Aria said I needed to... Lighten...” He fell back asleep, deciding to miss an entire day of work and take it easy for once in his life. It’s not like the bar will just fall into utter hell with him missing one day...

(2nd Author’s Note)

This is a tribute to the Papa-Franku, my 2nd place idol right behind Danny Devido (my eternal Lord and Savior).

Idubzzz, as far as I’m aware, is not into men despite what the story (and the fan base to an extent) depicts. Go sub to him and the other assholes, they post cool stuff.

Stay Filthy, amigos.