Author's Note

Hello my fellow Bronies, I come to you with a new chapter! I’m sure you lot may be wondering where the hell I’ve been all this time, well the answer is College.

Anyhow, still working on that Maud chapter at the pace of a dead snail! So enjoy this shortie to make-up for it, hopefully.

Inspired by my favorite childhood show, Jackass!

Prank Wars: Aria’s a Fucking Cunt

’Chrrk!... Chrr-rrrk!’

The screen flashed to life, the static fuzz fading and being replaced with a close-up of some girl’s chest within a tight, noodle-strapped top. The room was lit with green night-vision settings, top quality as well since it even revealed the bumps on the top that were likely her nipples.

The first few seconds were deaf, just the soundless bouncing of tits as the girl presumably fiddled with the camera. ”He-...P-...kie, hold it still!” The audio was fixed after some more adjusting and bouncing breasts in the camera screen. “Yes it’s hooked in... Press this?” A red light bleeped at the top right-hand side next to a battery gauge, the word REC faded on and off next to the battery. ”Wait, the light just flickered... What are you-... My nipples?” After a few seconds of silence the clothed breasts were replaced by a girl’s face, glowing green due to the night-vision with darker shades around her cheeks. “Hehe, guess it’s kinda cold in here... Nobody asked you, Pinkie!” She had her hair down and wore a fuzzy snow-hat for whatever reason, those kinds with the flaps on the sides to keep your ears warm. Cute in a way, but even with the change of wardrobe it wasn’t very hard to tell just who this girl was, at this point we should all know by now. “Heh, ‘sup losers. Thi-... The hell are you laughing at, Pinkie?” Aria paused, likely listening to this ‘Pinkie’ fellow behind the camera. “What do I look like, a whore?” She questioned, pausing once again... Aria rolled her eyes before setting her attention back to the camera, likely ignoring her friend. “So yeah, name’s Blaze, got my camera-skank Pinkie with me, too. Say hi, Pinkie!” The camera briefly turned around, showing Pinkie with her tongue out giving a cute little wink. Camera flips back to Aria, smug as fucking usual. “So right now, my Roommate’s dead asleep.” She began. “It’s one fifty-three and he has to get up at five in the morning. So he’s tryna get a goodnight’s sleep and we’re gonna go wake his ass up.” Aria looks back into the hallway briefly, then cues Pinkie to follow close behind.

’Chrrrk!’

The camera fuzzes out briefly, the camera steadying itself to observe the scene about to play out. Aria could be seen with a large, cylinder-shaped object within a sizable bedroom. She mouthed out something to Pinkie, the camera screen nodded, and Aria resumed her slow and steady placement of the object. She checked inside, fiddling with something within the barrel of the object before giving a thumbs up and messing with a mounted camera on the wall. Pinkie turns the camera to herself and whispers. ”Her roomie’s gonna be sooo mad!” She giggles adorably before turning the camera back, Aria having finished with the wall-camera. She signals Pinkie to stand back, holding a remote in her hand. She then whispers to the camera, ”Love you Nonny-Bear~.” and blows a kiss at the camera. A quick turn and the click of a-

’BANGING OF STAGE FIREWORKS!!!’

The entire room lights up as the barrel screeched with loud banging and high-pitched whistles, sparks flying out of the mouth of the device. The man in bed is flipping utter shit, Aria’s holding her gut in muted laughter due to the screeching of fire-works. This continued for a solid five seconds before they eventually gave-out with one last pop, several dogs barking as background noise along with yelling from unfortunate neighbors.

“AAAAHAHAHA! OH! OH MY GOD-AAHAHAHA! THAT WAS FUCKING FANTASTIC!” Aria couldn’t stop crying, collapsing on the floor and curling up in hysterical laughter. “G-God help me it fucking huuurts! I can’t-hahaha! I can’t fucking breath-aaahahahahaa!”

The man just... Tumbled out of the sheets. He looked as if he were hit by a flash-bang, which wouldn’t be far from the case considering what he just endured. “Ohhh... Oh my god...” He slowly crawled his way out the door, Aria still cackling like a hyena on speed.

Pinkie helped Aria up and they both followed their victim, who was still crawling pathetically down the hallway in his underwear with no fucking clue where he was. “H-Hey! Anon!” Aria giggled out, he slowly turned his head. “H-hey... I love you, Roomie.” She broke into giggles once again, Anon just collapsed on the floor then and there. “O-Oh geez. C’mon Pinkie, h-he’s... He’s has enough.” They both approach and Aria helps him up, the camera zooming in on his blitzed face. “No hard feelings, right?”

It took him a few seconds but he eventually righted his vision with a short head-shake. ”You... Can go straight to hell, Aria.” Anon bellowed, still trying to get his bearings. “It’s too fucking late for this shit... Too fucking late for this.”

“That’s what makes it funny, though!” Aria argued, still giggling. “Okay, grumpy. Let’s put you to bed.”

’Chrrrk!’

The camera fuzzed out once again, revealing an entirely new scene. It shows a car of decent size through some kind of foliage, likely a large bush. “Sh! Shh! Quiet!”

’Slam!’

“Oh, here he comes, here he comes, here he comes!” Aria whispered in the background. Anon could be seen trudging out the door of the house, unlocking the car door and slamming it shut.

’..... Vrooom! Bing... Bing...’

’BANGING OF STAGE FIREWORKS!!!’

Anon’s car fucking lit up like American skies on the 4th of July, with his silhouette scrambling to try and get out of the car. Aria’s cackling could be heard yet again, though it was somewhat blocked-out by the loud banging in the distance. The fire-works eventually gave-out, Aria jumping from the bush and running to the car followed by her faithful camera-woman. “Anooon! You still alive, dude!?” Aria shouted, slowing down at the car. Once Pinkie caught up they both walked to the driver’s seat, door wide open with Anon a few feet away from it face-down in the lawn.

.....

“PFFH-HAAAAHAHAHA! AAAAHA-“

’Chrrr-k’

The screen went black, then opened to an ‘end tape’ menu with a play-back option. “And that’s why Anon’s here, Doc.” Aria stated, sitting in an otolaryngologist‘s office with a very agitated Anonymous, watching the DVD of his misfortune. “Oh and thanks for letting me use the DVD player, you know to-’snort!’... S-show you what happened.” Her giggling wasn’t very convincing of her true reasoning for this.

The doctor just stared... “I... See.” He really had nothing else to say, having witnessed such... Stupidity with his own eyes. “Well then, it’s no wonder why Anonymous’s hearing has failed him. ” He looked through his papers briefly. “He is a very lucky man though, the deafness is only temporary... Yes, his hearing should come back anywhere between a week and a month, given no further damage is done.” He then looked at her. “I... Assume you will be his hearing aid for the time?” Aria nodded, still giggling a bit from watching the video. “Very well, very well...” He cleared his throat and gave Anon a sympathetic glance before continuing. “Please inform Mr. Anonymous that his hearing will return, and let him know that he may go perminantly deaf in his twilight years due to the damage.”

“No problem, doc!” She took Anon’s hand and guided him out, shocking the good doctor with her unaffected demeanor. In the waiting area one could see Pinkie playing with children’s toys provided for relief of boredom, though she looked quite sad. “Anon’s good, Pinks! He’s gonna be deaf for a few weeks though!”

Then she immediately perked up at the news, smiling big and bright. “Oh, thank goodness!” She got up and joined the two, following them outside. “Too bad Nonny can’t drive though, since he’s temporarily deaf.”

Aria just shrugged. “Welp, we did this to him, so it’s only fair that we help him along.” She bumped Anon’s side. “AIN’T THAT RIGHT, BUDDY!?!?”

“WHAT!?” He shouted at an equal volume.

“Yeah, totally fiiine...” They all got in Anon’s car, Pinkie taking the wheel and Aria calling shotgun. “You don’t mind driving for him, right?”

“Like you said Blazy, it’s our fault that he’s deaf!” She answered. “I’d be happy to make-up for it however I can!” Pinkie slams the gas, alarming Anonymous. “Now let’s go have some fun!”

“WHAT’S HAPPENING!?” He shouts. “PINKIE!?!?” Aria looks back at him from the front seat, smiling in that mischievous way that he hated so... He doesn’t need ears to know that he was in for utter hell until he regains his hearing.

If he regains it, since he still has no idea if he ever will...

.....

“GODDAMN YOU, ARIA!”