Author's Note

Here's another slice of filler ~~to buy me some time so I can actually start on the final Maud Pie chapter~~ for y'all to enjoy, sweeter than eating-out Applejack I tell ya hwat.

(Also, just to let you lovelies know, I play Overwatch for PC regularly. PM me for my Blizzard Account and/or Discord and you can call me names and report me to the proper authorities! Or you know, just chat and shit, whatever floats your boat. Toodles!)

Sugar n’ Spice and Alcoholism

Anon pulled into the driveway and parked his car, sighing in fullfillment. Yes, a long day of work and taking care of chores deserves some R&R... “Alright ladies, this is the place.” At his signal, two scantly clad prostitutes exit from either back seat. One was a dark-purple, chubby sort of whore. Lavishing lips, shoulder-length black hair and all-natural bedroom eyes; complete with a crop-top to show off her ample bust and a pitiful excuse for short-shorts for her thighs. The other was quite skinny, almost unhealthily so. She had light-pink skin and long blonde hair, wearing a red dress and heels to show off her legs and ass. With the two whores fumbled out a heavily intoxicated Aria, who flopped onto the ground trying to get out of the car. “Has your, erm... ‘Client’ paid up-front?”

“Mmmhmm, Sugar’s got her green handsome.” The thiccer of the two replied in a sassy tone. “Wha’ ‘bout ‘chu, Spice? She treat you right?”

The other prostitute, ‘Spice’ as dubbed by Sugar, flashed a fat wad of cash from her purse. “I got my payday too, Sugar. Don’t you worry.”

Anon forced a smile and turned off the ignition. “Right, right... Just make sure you lovely ladies stays in her room, okay? I’ve got work tomorrow.” They both nodded and overlooked their shit-faced client, Anon got beside of the two and knelt down to pick Aria off the ground. “You two go on ahead, I got her.”

Spice smiled. “Such a gentlemen.”

’Smack!’

“Jesus!" Anon jumped, having had his ass slapped by the bigger of the two whores. “Th-that’s not-!”

Sugar towered over him, smiling. “You suuure you don’t want some Sugar before bed, baby?”

Another hand on his precious boy-butt, this time the skinnier one. “Maybe a lil’ Spice to go with it?” Oooh bloody hell, these bitches knew what they were doing. “How ‘bout it, sweetheart? Might even give ya this one for free if you’re a good boy.~”

“Nuh... N-NO!” Aria had awoken from her little booze nap. “Anon’s hic... He’s my bitch!” With that, she claimed ownership of him via vomiting on his shoes... Well, it wasn’t really ‘claiming ownership’ as much as it was just the alcohol in her system, but it gave the impression of such. “Eehehe... I’mma sorr- hic, S-sorry roo... Room...” She made an effort to climb up his body to try reaching him. “You’re a... Y-you’re a good bea’hic!’... B-bean...” She seemed to confuse herself with her own metaphor. “Bean... Pffhaaahahaaa! Anon’s... He’s not a bean, silly Blazey!” She lost her grip and promptly fell back into the dirt. “Hehe... Didn’t huuurt!”

Anon shook his head, kneeling down and picking her up in a shoulder carry. “A very lovely offer Sugar n’ Spice, but I think you’ll have your hands full with this one.”

“I’m Anon’s BUUURP!... A-Anon’s...”

“Liability, Aria.” Anon finished for his blitzed roommate.

“Y-yeah! I’m... I’m his Li... Lia... L-Library.” Close enough, Aria... “H-hey Nonny. C-can I... hic! Can I lick your weenie, Nonnyyy? I wanna li-hic! L-Lick your weenie tonight...”

As Aria rambled on the two looked at him more with sympathy than lust. “Can you two kindly go unlock the door for me while I carry her in? Room thirteen, please.” They went ahead, mumbling something about a single-father or something of the like... Well, from what Anon could assume they were implying, this life of his wasn’t that far off from being a single-father.

“Roomieee...” Aria called. “Y-you wanna sleep with me ‘n the... Th-hic! s-sexy whores?...” Anon just pretended not to hear. “Anooon!... I know hic! you can... You can hear me!” That he could, Aria. But he still refused to answer. “C’mooon! Lemme-hic! L-Lemme eat your meat, Roomieee!” Aria weakly pounded on his back like the spoiled, shitfaced child she was. “I’ll l-let you suck on Spice’s weenie if ya-hic!” Wait what? “Was it... Spice that had the surgery? Or was it...” After a few seconds she completely forgot what she was going on about, leaving Anon to wonder what those ‘girls’ were hiding... Or maybe Aria was just being drunk and spewing shit like a normal drunkard. “H-hey Roomie... I’m feelin’... K-kinda hot right now.~”

“(Oh my god Aria will you just shut-up for one minute...)”

Aria continued rambling, unable to receive Anon’s telepathic message. “Y-you wanna fuck my-hic!... M-my mouth, Nonnyyy?... I’ll eat all your baby-batter for you.~” Aria’s attempt to seduce Anon were about as effective as trying to light a matchstick on the fucking moon. “Don’t you wanna hic! gimme all that pent-up stress, Roomie? I bet it’d feel really... R-really... Urp!” Aria puked again, just grazing Anon’s back but still hitting his heels to his discomfort. “S-sorry Roomie...”

After what felt like hours (which was really like half a minute) of Aria rambling on, he reached his doorstep with the prostitutes helping him in. “Thanks girls, I’ll take it from here.” They both smiled at him in return... A bit off-putting, admittedly. But he wasn’t all that concerned, they seemed trustworthy. “Alright Roomie, let’s put you to bed. I’m guessing the girls will be in as well.”

“Girls?... Waaaiiit...” Aria then gasped loudly in surprise. “You got me whores, didn’t youuu!”

Anon just nodded, deciding to roll with it. “They’ll keep you company while I’m sleeping.”

“Myeah... That’s.....” Aria slowly went limp in his carry. “Zzzzz... Zzzzz...”

Anon just sighed. “Guess I’m taking the prostitutes home, too...” He dropped Aria onto the bed and covered her up the best he felt like doing, she looked comfy enough so...

“Puttin’ her to bed, handsome?” Spice had entered the room, with Sugar chilling outside the door frame. “Shame, she paid for a full night’s worth of fun.”

Anon shook his head. “Yep, damn shame... I don’t suppose you do refunds?”

“Mm-Mmh, Sugar n’ Spice don’ give back green, string-bean.” Sugar replied, then she smiled in a way that... Made Anon a little uncomfortable. “A damn shame, in’t it?”

Anon felt his shoulders being held. “Sure is, Sugar... And this poor man’s gotta put-up with such a trouble-maker, too.” Why was he being pushed forward toward this... V-very well-endowed woman? “Y’know sweetie, me and Sugar got to thinking...” Oh dear lord he couldn’t stop staring. “And we think you’re in need of some relaxation...” Dammit Anon why are you staring!? “So, seeing as your ‘Roommate’ paid for our services... Wouldn’t it be a shame if all that money just went to waste?”

Sugar licked her lips... Sweet Jesus, those luscious lips. “Know what I think he needs?” Spice had her arms around him now, guiding him forward still with her breasts in his back. “I think he just needs a lil’ stress-relief.” Sugar Plum let the left strap of her top slip down, giving him a playful wink. “Don’cha think?”

Anon would normally protest, but he’s... A little distracted right now. “I-I... Um...”

Sugar giggled, holding the back of her head with her hands to really make her chest-

’pop!’

The button on the V of her top completely popped off, flying off and hitting the wall behind Anon. “Mmm, much better...” He was able to see some cleavage now, and lord almighty it was glorious... Wait, no! Bad Anon! You don’t bang whores! Don’t give into these temptress’ bodies no matter how much they turn you on!

.....

Dammit Anon, stop moving toward the sexy whore! Also stop getting turned on, you’re no chubby-chaser!

“I hope you don’t mind, String-Bean.” Sugar lifted her top, exposing a lacy black bra trying to contain the sizable mounds underneath. “I jus’ wanna get a lil’ more comfortable.” Anon was only a foot away, shame-boner at full mast. Sugar seemed to notice it as well and push her breasts together much to his inner desires. “So you like ‘em big, huh?”

“Looks like he does.~” He felt a hand grab at his crotch. “Ready to find out what girl’s are made of, handsome?”

A part of Anon said no. Another, more shameful and dirty part of him wanted to grab those honkers and that ass and just... “(Jesus H. Christ... Do I actually have a kink for big women?)” Anon was suddenly pushed forward, out of Aria’s room and into the waiting arms of Sugar Plum. He sunk right into those plush breasts like they were made of memory foam, and bloody hell were they warm... “(Wow... I actually have a Chubby Fetish.)” What’s the Scouter readings on the amount of fucks given? “(Huh... Okay than.)” Eeyup, zero... What, you were expecting a meme? Well too bad, you’re getting porn. Chubby porn!

“Ooh!” The plump prostitute jumped, feeling two hands grope her cheeks. “Surprised me, baby!” Surprise her it did, but it definitely wasn’t an unwelcome one. In fact, she very much liked this new enthusiasm! “Mm! Yeah, you want some Sugar, baby?” She happily returned the favor, grabbing his ass and grinding her crotch against him. “Drop those pants String-Bean and Sugar Plum’ll make your evening a whooole lot more wet.” Anon mindlessly agreed. Pride and self-respect were tied-up and locked in a basement deep within his brain right now, the only thing going through his head right now were this woman’s delicious curves. The two lovely ladies guided him to his room, sitting him on the bed with his pants left behind. “Now you just sit back and let Sugar take care of you, baby.” She pulled his underwear down and threw them to the side, sizing up his dick with hunger in her eyes. Spice kneeled beside her friend, looking at his goods with the same expression. “Gimme a hand, Spice.” She complied, unhooking the bra holding back Sugar’s beautiful breasts. She sighed at the newly acquired freedom, holding them up for Anon to see. “You like my titties, baby?” They had to be D’s at the very least, no way in bloody hell they could be any size smaller. “This sexy Sugar-Cookie needs a creamy filling...” She dropped her breasts and kissed Anon’s tip, then engulfed him in the warmth of her mouth.

“F-fuck...” Christ, it’s been way too long since he’s gotten good head. “That’s... S-So good!”

“Yeah baby, work him good.” Spice had also removed her dress and bra, though her breasts were tiny compared to Sugars. Cute and perky, but still B’s at best. “Mmm, love seeing you act like a slut.” She leaned in from behind, giving Sugar a reach-around for her tits and slipped her other hand down her tight shorts. This seemed to make her suck harder much to Anon’s joy. “So wet, too... Dirty little slut.” Anon was nearing the edge, so he gave her a few taps to signal it. “Here it comes.” Spice pushed her head down with a sadistic little smile, making her deepthroat him. Without even a second to spare he spasmed and shot hot strings of cum down her throat. “There we go... Drink it all up you dirty bitch.” Sugar’s eyes rolled up to her skull sucking him off, milking out all his cum with her constant swallowing.

“Gah!... Ah... Hoh god.” He was pretty drained but certainly not done. “Sugar... I gotta fuck those tits.” He panted out, rubbing his servicer’s shoulders to ease her to the idea. “You have no idea how bad I wanna glaze those beautiful breasts.”

Sugar smiled, sucking the last of his cum from his dick with a wet pop as she let him go. “Well...“

“Yeah, not so fast Sugar.” Spice slipper in between the two, grabbing his dick for herself. “You’ve had your fun, now I want mine.” She slithered her way up and over his body, pushing him down onto the bed. “Mmmhmhmhm, you ready for some Spice in your life?” She didn’t wait for an answer, diving right in for a deep kiss... It was a very passionate one, her eyes staring into his as she-

’Twack!’

.....

Anon was out like a fucking light, a firm blow to the side of the head sending him into a dreamless abyss. Spice giggled to herself and kissed his forehead. “Sleep right, handsome.~”

“Hey, I wasn’t done wit him yet!” Sugar replied in... A very, very deep and masculine tone... Like, Flutterbutt on Poison Joke levels of deep. “Stupid-ass bitch, ruinin’ my fun. Couldn’t even get a piece o’ his ass before we konked him.” It was a good thing Anon was out cold, otherwise he’d scream in bloody horror upon the realization that he was sucked off and almost anally-pounded by a trap.

Man, if only Aria could see him now...

Anyways, back to the bitches! “Ugh, look Sugar you can fuck my ass later, alright? Now get your fat-ass in gear.” Spice ordered, devoid of all the lust she previously had. Her voice was still feminine though so at least Anon wasn’t fucked-over twice.

“Whatever... Where do we start?”

“You start with the idiot’s TV and work your way down, I’ll handle the light stuff.” Welp, guess I spoke too soon. Poor Anon was getting robbed, by a bitch and her trap underling no less! Oh the humanity! Will Aria somehow overcome her comatose and save her favorite roommate from such an ill fate? Will she make fun of him after discovering his ill fate? Will I, the author, fail my Sociology class for this semester of college!?

.....

’SLAM!’

“What!?” The two whores jumped. “Shit man, was that the door!?” Spice asked in a hushed tone. “Fuck, I thought this was a two-roomed apartment!”

“Quiet...” Sugar signed her to stay behind, cracking the door open. He/she peaked her head out and- “What the-!”

”RAAAH!”

Sugar screamed, ducking it’s head back inside to avoid something that sounded like glass judging from the loud shatter. “Another crazy bitch!?” Yes, it’s Aria! Here to save-... Did she say ‘another’?

“Luuu-!Hic! Luuunaaaa!” The door was kicked open, a familiar drunk stumbling inside. “Sissy’s hic! Back from her daaate!” Eeyup, twas the ever-graceful, ever-dignified Celestia; straight from the second chapter!... With no pants. “And I got DUMPED agaaain! Whooo!” This school principle was fucking hammered like a nail in case I wasn’t clear enough with the slurred dialogue, bottle of scotch in her hand and bare panties on display for all to see. “Huh?... W-wait a...” Her eyes were unfocused with one squinting a lot more than the other, though they eventually made-out the three people in the room. “Who the fuhk are you?” She slurred at Spice, taking a swig from her bottle before adding. “What are ya doin’ in-’hic!’ in mah house!?”

Spice just looked toward Sugar, who had the same look of confusion she wore. “Uh... We’re-“ Celestia chucked the bottle at Spice in a sudden fit of drunken fury. She completely missed her intended target and instead hit the wooden headboard, but regardless it got her message accross. “Jesus!” The glass shattered on impact and alcohol went flying in every direction, luckily there weren’t any injuries but there were shards all over the bed now.

“Fuckin’ DON’T INNERUPT ME!... hic! You BITCH!” Celly swayed toward them sporting a sour look... Maybe. It was honestly hard to tell with how fucking blitzed she was. “Y-you think you’re hot shit!? Huh!?” She almost tripped on herself with her yelling. “I’ll-! Buuurp! I’ll fuckin’... Fuckin’ bash ya brains n’ make a-hic! Make a soup-can outta... Sumthin’ an...” Celestia seems to have confused herself in her own drunken ranting. “Take ya on da pain train an... ’drunken, incoherent mumbling’...” The two whores, being far more sober and coordinated, decided to double-team the drunkard to try to overwealm her. Celly, being far less sober and coordinated, just fucking swung her arms at them like a proper drunk.

Spice was on her ass pretty quick given how light she was. Sugar however, being a much bigger fish, took the hit like a champ. “Dat all ya got, bitch?”

“Wha... W-wait.” Sugar’s voice seemed to momentarily stop Celestia, who was not expecting her voice to be so... Unfeminine. “I... I-I coulda swore you’s was a chick.” Aaand Celly gets punched in the face... Yeah, even with all the alcohol in her blood she could feel that. “Ow... ’hic!’ That didn’t feel very good.” She wobbled a bit from the sudden shock, but quickly recovered from punch-drunk back to regular drunk. “Ya fuckin’ FREAK!” Celly decided to return the favor, giving the cross-dresser a good taste of her own medicine. Sugar could tank a flailing arm, but could she tank a good punch square in the jaw?...

No, no she could not. She went down with a loud thud, holding her face in pain.

“Yeah! That’ll-’hic!’ fuckin’ teach ya some... Biology or somethin’...”

“You BITCH!” Spice came at Celestia with the broken bottle, getting a good scrape on her cheek. “Ya like tha-!?guh!” The drunk punched her in the face as well, then grappled her and lifted her up up over her head. “W-wait, have mercy! I just had some ribs removed a few months agooohohoo!”

’thud!’

Fucking threw her thottie-ass across the room like she was nothing. She hit the wall with a crack and landed on the floor, writhing in pain from the trauma inflicted to her frail figure. “Gh! M-my perfect body...” She wasn’t getting back up this time that’s for damn sure. “Y-You... You Brute!”

“Fuckin’ STAY DOWN!” Celestia went back to Sugar after having taught that other bitch her fucking place in the food chain. “Gonna fuckin’... FUHK that stupid face!” Celestia picked up the bottle now, and she had Sugar backed into a corner... This was not looking good. “Fuckin’... Beat your fat Burp! Ya fat ass like a...” Celestia reared her hand back, ready to dye Sugar’s face red. “Like a BITCH!” Completely missed her target. The broken bottle-neck flew out of her hand and shattered against the nearby wall instead. “Fuckin’... Eh?” For a brief moment Celestia registered that the bottle wasn’t in her hand, Sugar used this window of time to sucker-punch her and fucking book it, grabbing her recovering partner in crime as she went out. “Ey! I wasn’t done wit!... Eh, was I doin’ again?” She got back up and stumbled around a bit to get her head around where she was. “Wait... This ain’t my house.” Indeed it was not, meaning she beat up those people for no reason... Well, not like she would care either way. “Where’z we at, Cel... Celery?” She snorted at her own grammical mistake. “Pffh! Celery... Mah... M-my name’s Celestia!... Uh... Wait, where am I again?” She noticed her hand... “Hey! S-someone stole my Scotch!” Her eye (the other wasn’t even open) drifted to the sleeping, half-naked Anon.

.......

Ahem, a quick look into Celestia’s mind if you will.

Within Celly’s poor, intoxicated brain was a pink room flooded with alcohol up to one’s knees. Within this room lived five little Celestias, each having their own unique color pallet and personality.

”Whooo! Th-this is sooo much fuUUURP!” The little Yellow Celly, the one having a fucking ball, held two bottles in the air as she let loose a fucking whale-call of a burp. ”I just love, love, LOVE getting TANKED like this!”

In the corner was a Blue Celestia, her make-up running as she hugged a bottle of her own. “W-We know it’s bad... But we just keep coming baaack!” She wailed in pity of herself, referring to the heavy alcoholism this mind is plagued with at the moment. “We have a problem and we need help!” A Green Celestia, completely knocked out, just floated on by in the alcohol like a log. “D-Disgust... Not you too.”

“Shaddap!” A Red Celestia yelled, sitting on a tied-up, Purple Celestia. “Or I’ll-hic! I’ll tie YOU up n’... Fuckin’... RAH!” She chucked the bottle, hitting the wall above the Blue variant who continued to weep pathetically. “Ey! Joy!” She called out, fishing another bottle from the waters below. “I think it’s your turn ta... Ta do the-’hic!’ The orb thing!”

”Whaaa? Nawwwww!” Joy slurred, waving off the Red Celly. ”I tink is... S-Saddy’s turn!”

The Red Celestia looked at ‘Saddy’, the blue one in case you didn’t know. “..... Eh, do it anyway.” Red Celestia ordered.

With a dumb shrug Joy stumbled to the big pad at the front and hopped up, putting her ass into the round orb socket. “’Snort’, this actually works...” The room lit up in a bright yellow, Joy’s bare ass pumping... Whatever emotion this was into big Celly’s brain. “I still ca-hic! Can’t believe the author’s never seen Inside OUUUT!” The machine shook somewhat, Joy bit her lip. “Th-Th-Thaaaat’sss niiiiiice... Mmm...”

Red Celly just took another swig, shaking her head. “Christ, this place just gets worse and worse every day...” She mumbled to herself, looking down at the thick liquid flooding the floor in disgust with herself and this brain... She got up off of the purple one and trudged over to Saddy. “C’mere, Sad-Sack.” She sat her up any just started making-out with her, Saddness continued weeping but accepted the loving gesture, even returning the force to her normally hot-headed friend.

The purple Celly, Fear as you may have guessed at this point, spat out the worn-out gag. “Oh god, we’re such a mess...” She whimpered to herself. “Luna’s gonna be so cross with us when she sees what Anger did in that disaster of a date...” Yes, it was a complete fucking disaster. But that’s what alcohol does best, along with ruining families and killing brain cells.

Celestia stood there with a dumb look on her face, still trying to piece together what she was doing here... Dirty thoughts started to cloud her mind as she stared at Anon’s penis, mainly vague memories of their last night together when they first met along with other memories from her College years... Yeah, those were good times.

.....

Celestia, feeling that all-too-familiar need between her legs, stumbled over to Anon’s sleeping form and laid down beside him. “Eehehe, wakey-wakeyyy.” She kuu’d, her hand moving toward his junk. “Momma’s feeling frisky, Anooon.”

He just groaned, turning over to cuddle Celly. ”Mmh... No Aria, put it back...” Celestia tried breaking free but... Well, he proved to be too powerful for her intoxicated body to overpower. Plus, his bed was pretty soft... And that sleeping face... Her eyes grew heavier with each moment, the warmth of his embrace enveloping her and...

.......

“Zzzzz... Zzzzz...” Celestia was soon lulled to sleep with him, hugging him back in an adorable display ignoring the cut on her cheek dripping with blood. The rest of the night was quiet, with nothing but light snores and the muffled noises of two whores sneaking out of the complex.

(Later that Morning...)

Anonymous woke up to one of the worst headaches he’d ever had the displeasure to have. His room smelled heavily of booze and another rather pungent scent... Kinda felt like he was being breathed on. “Ugh... What the hell?” His voice was very raspy and exhausted. He opened his eyes to meet a very familiar, hair-draped sleeping face. “C-...Celly?” He moved some of the hair aside. Yep, ‘twas the esteemed principle herself, and judging from that serious case of halitosis she must’ve been drinking very heavily last night. “Fuck... Where’s m-” He rolled over to- “Ah, fuck!” A sharp pain suddenly shot through his back. “Ow! Goddamn, am I laying on glass?” He felt behind him. “Ow!” He touched something rather sharp, much to his shock. There’s no way, no bloody way he was sleeping on something so dangerous. He quickly sat up and... “Oh god.” Yep, he was sleeping on glass. “What the hell happened?” He noticed a cool breeze run over his balls, looking down he quickly noticed that- “Fuck where are my pants!?”

“Mnh... Too earlyyy.” Anon was suddenly yanked back down into the sheets. Celestia was apparently a major cuddle-bug this morning and grabbed out for him in her sleep. “Jus... Just five more minutes, Lulu.” Sheer, agonizing pain ran up Anon’s arm. The glass had pooled into his sleeping imprint when he sat up and sonova bitch did it sting! The only reason he wasn’t screaming right now was... Well, he was screaming, but a face full of tits did well to muffle his cries of pain.

...

Great, now he’s got a boner to make things worse. Couldn’t fucking hide it either because his pants were someplace other than his lower torso. “(Ugh, what did I do in a previous life to deserve this...)” He tried squirming his way out of her embrace, but she was quite strong. Either that or Anon was simply a pussy... He liked to think the former. “(Well, a face full of breasts isn’t all that bad I guess, and the pain’s kinda starting to fade... Could always be worse.)”

Very true Anonymous, and the click of his door reaffirmed him on that. “’Yawn!’ Hey Anon, the T.V.’s-...” Yes, his situation was about to get much, much worse. “Uhh...” Of course, her eyes drifted to his dick. “Huh, So that’s what it looks like...” Was she disgusted? Fuck no, this was Aria we were talking about! She’s seen man-meat of all shapes and sizes so offense was the last thing in her mind. Rather, she was genuinely curious of Anon’s ‘stats’ so to speak. His length, width, curvature, so on so forth. “Hmm...” She stared at it carefully, watching it twitch in arousal... “Gonna be honest here, I kinda expected you to be smaller.” Oh now that’s just plain rude. “Lemme just...” She took a peak at his balls for some weird reason. “That’s weird.” She spread his ass cheeks apart, making him grunt in alarm. “I think there’s something wrong with you, dude.” She informed, somewhat alarming him but for a different reason other than him being out-right molested. “Like, I dunno if I’m just missing something or...” Wait what the fuck is she talking about? “So... Kinda personal question here. I’m not your doctor, farthest thing from it as a matter of fact so feel free not to answer, but... Where the hell is your vagina at?”

.........

Why did he actually think she was being serious. “Mmph!?” Stranger danger!

“S-Sorry, just making sure that wasn’t your vaginaaahahaha!!!” Anon gave her a good kick. “Ow! F-fucking stooop!” Repeatedly. “Gah! Ow! Okay, okay! I’ll stop being a bitch!” The pain did a piss-poor job at suppressing her laughter, but it was worth a shot. “Hehe... Oh god, you’re a fucking riot dude.” She now noticed the mess keeping her poor roommate in a submissive hold. “So who’s the chick?”

“Mmphmmhmphmm.”

“... Oh right, the titty prison.” Aria plum forgot about that somehow. “Hmm... Hey, feel free to say no, buuut... You mind if I take advantage of this rare opportunity?”

“Mmphmh?”

“Cool, thanks Roomie.” Aria pulled her phone out of her pocket and pointed it at his... Uh oh. “Hold still!”

“MMPH!?”

’chk!’

The flash went off before he could even think to struggle. “Aww, how precious.” She kuu’d, looking over the photo. “This’ll definitely come in handy later.” She put her phone away with a shit-eating grin.

“Mmphmphmmh...”

Aria's smile never even twitched. “Yeah, I know I am.” She pinched his cheek, ass cheek that is, teasingly. "But you know you love me anyways." Then, she turned. "Enjoy Titty-City my dude, I'm gonna go find a good dick to suck and go get shit-faced." She turned her head briefly. "Unless you have any objections?" Anon just remained silent, knowing that Aria had him by the balls here. "Good, pick me up at eight?"

"..... Mhm." He answered pathetically, refusing to look at her completely. "Mmph! Mffmph!" He suddenly called out.

"What? Can't you see I wanna drown myself in booze and sex?" She groaned out like a spoiled teenage daughter.

"Mmffp, mmphmfmmphmfmmph." Anon stated as a matter of factly. "Mfmmph, mm... Mm, phmmfmffmmphm."

"... Meh, guess that's reasonable." She agreed, to what she agreed to exactly was lost within the fluffy crevice of the Celestial Valley. Even I, your Lord of Bacon and Happiness: Mudkip, could not understand what Anon had said. "Also, did you say grass or glass?"

"Mmph." He answered, to which Aria turned to help with genuine worry. "Mmphmfmmff."

"Jesus dude, you shoulda said something!" She did her best to try and pry the... Very familiar-looking girl off of him. "Hey, uh... You never really answered my question earlier.” She informed. “So who’s the chick?”

"Mhhphmfmm Phmfmmhmphm." He answered. "Mm? Mmphmmfm?"

"W-wait, that's 'Celestia?'" She seemed to become a bit panicked. "Um... Well, yes I do know her, but..." She seemed a little reluctant to spill it. "I'll say this much dude, and... Please, just go with it for me." Anon raised a brow. "As long as she's around, promise me you won't call me by my real name... It's a long story, and it'd be best if you were left in the dark about it."

"Mm... Mmfmmph?" He guessed, still patiently waiting on Aria to help set him free. "Mmphmfmmfmphhmmfmmph... Mmph?"

"Just trust me dude, I wasn't always a..." She paused. "Well, I guess even now I'm not really a decent human being... Look, just know that I've made a lot of enemies in the past, and... I'm not quite sure if Canterlot is ready to forgive us-Me... Forgive me for what I..."

.............

"Do you really think that, Miss Aria?" The former siren jumped out of her bloody skin. She'd completely neglected to keep a close eye on Celestia, who was wide awake and looking right at her through a mess of multicolored hair.

"P-P-Principle!" Within a span of three seconds Aria was reduced to the state of a frightened little pup, up-right leaping away and crawling backwards like a soon-to-be victim of a serial killer. "Shit, please don't hurt me! I-I didn't-" Celestia merely giggled, throwing her off into confusion. "Wh-what's so funny!?"

"Aria dear, it's quite alright." She assured. "I'm not going to hurt you or anything like that." She let go of Anonymous and sat up... Though she quickly covered her crotch due to not having anything on but her ruined panties. "F-forgive me for dressing so crudely, I'm not quite sure how I really... Well, ended up here." She explained. "Or why I'm dressed so scantily... In Anonymous’ bedroom." Que his embarrassed blush, followed by him covering his flagpole with the sheets. “Perhaps... It’s as I feared, Anonymous?”

“Um...” He was hesitant with answering. “Honestly I don’t remember you being here either, so...”

“Than why are your pants missing?” She asked. “Also, why are mine missing?”

... He decided to save himself the trouble and/or ridicule of telling them what actually happened last night. “You know what, maybe we did get a little too tipsy last night.” He lied. “My memories might’ve just been from a booze nap or something.” They seemed to buy this quite easily much to his relief.

"Ahem, anyways Miss Aria..." She continued, trying to look as professional as she could despite her lvl 8 bed-head, reeking stench of alcohol and lack of pants. "I'm not really a woman to hold grudges." Liar liar, breaks-into-Anon's-house-in-a-fit-of-drunken-rage-due-to-a-sour-date-and-beats-up-two-prostitutes... A word that rhymes with 'liar'. "As long as you and..." She looked around a bit. "Um... Pardon me, but where’s-"

"They're not here..." Aria interrupted her in a dampened tone. "It's just me and Anon here."

Anon quickly leaned in and whispered. ”Walking on thin ice, Celly. Aria doesn’t like talking about past stuff.”

Surprise overtook her. “What? Oh, I’m very sorry Miss-“

“It’s fine. Just... don’t bring it up.” Despite her reassurance, there was still an unmistakably heavy weight in the room.

.....

“S-so...” Celestia started. “I see that you’ve been... Doing well.”

“Yeah... Uh, right back at ya, Cameltoe.” Well it was good to see that Aria was at least trying to lighten the mood a little with some jokes. “So, speaking of that...”

“Yes, very unprofessional.” She admitted. “But I deal with a lot of stress with the school being threatened by magical forces every year... I-It’s just hard, okay?”

“So you got your work cut-out for ya, huh?” Aria smirked a bit, looking around. “Well I guess a girl needs a break every once in a while... Bloody mess in here, though.” She lazily kicked a shard of glass in front of her.

“Yes, I suppose it is... Apologies for that, by the way.”

Aria just shrugged. “I’ve done worse, trust me.” She turned to Anonymous. “Oh, by the way, our TV’s gone.”

“Wait, what!?” He was off like a fucking bullet. “Jesus Christ, the window’s fucking-!... Oh god our fridge!” Aria closed the door, then turned her head to face Celestia. “Now that he’s gone...” Aria approached and-

”Gkh!” Went straight for Celestia’s throat with the swiftness and accuracy of a snake-strike. “M-Miss Ari-ack!” Celestia couldn’t pry her hand off, she was soon pinned to the bed with a shard of glass being held dangerously close to her face.

“I wanna make this perfectly clear Celestia.” Aria was suddenly much, much scarier now. “I have thousands, and I mean thousands of years of experience dealing with you humans. Throughout my long imprisonment in this miserable human world I have earned eight separate belts of mastery from eight separate masters of martial arts. I’m a master of Aikido, Judo, Tai-Chi, Karate, Boxing; hell I was even knighted by the fucking King of England in the eighteen-hundreds.” It was almost like Aria was gloating at this point. “In short, I could fucking break you Celestia. Without even trying I could make you my fucking bitch, just like I did to those dirty fucking Americans at Vietnam after I fucking smoked them out like they fucking did to-...” Aria seemed to have relived a minor PTSD flashback, but luckily she snapped herself out of it before she... Yeah. “A-anyways, my point is I am the last person you wanna piss off, got it?” Very confused and frightened, the teacher just nodded. Aria stared her down hard, reading her very carefully... “I want ya to do something for me, Celestia... Think you can do that?” She blindly nodded. “I want you... To answer a question.” More nodding, with the shard getting closer and closer to her cheek. “Tell me Celestia...” It inched ever closer, Celestia could feel her blatter about to slip. “..... Does the carpet match the drapes?”

...

...

...

“Wh... What?” That was all she could answer with. “I... Th-the... Drapes?” She noticed Aria’s face start to soften.

“’Snort’ Pffhaahahaha!” Then just burst into fucking laughter, confusing Celestia, and to a degree frightening her, even further. “O-Oh, oh my god your face! I can’t believe y-you actually believed that crap-Aaahahaha!” Celestia... Laughed a bit, though it was more like an awkward chuckle if anything. In truth she’d never been more frightened in her entire life, especially after seeing that side of this former enemy. “I-I’m sorry Celly, I’m just kidding! Really! I don’t even fucking know what Aikido is!” Aria paused briefly. “Though I wasn’t really lying about that whole Vietnam fiasco, I still have flashbacks from all the trauma... Oh, and I did in fact get knighted by King Whats-His-Face a few hundred years back... Buuut those are stories for another day.” Aria helped Celestia to her feet, who was still completely overwhelmed by... Well, everything! “No hard feeling though, we're cool.“

"I-I... I'm glad to hear that." As... Chaotic as she's become, she was honestly happy to see her grow into a new, less evil Aria. It was a small step, but still a step in the right direc-

’smack!’

“M-My word!” Celestia's hands quickly went to cover her tender ass, having it unexpectedly smacked by her new friend. "Miss Aria!"

“Aria baby, just Aria." She corrected. "And just so you know..." Celestia gasped when she felt a hand squeeze her plump cheek, face blushing even brighter than it already was. “You can make me your bitch anytime you like...”

The flustered principal shivered at her whispers. “I-I... Don’t swing that way, Miss Aria. I’m straight!”

“So is Spaghetti...” Celestia felt the lightest touch graze over her... Oh my. “Until you get it wet.”

“WELL!” Celestia exclaimed, standing at full attention. “W-would you just look at the time! Things to be, places to do, so sorry Miss Aria!” She was fucking outta there, Speedy Gonzales style. “Goodbye Anonymous, sorry to leave so suddenly!”

“Oh god, they took my DVD player!” Sorry but nobody cares, Anon.

“Take care, such and such!” Celestia was out the door without even a glance of concern, she turned the corner and-

“Hiya Principal Celestia!”

“Mother of Faust!” She was given quite a scare, but luckily it was just Pinkie Pie, a familiar face with a big bright smile!.

... And no pants.

“Gasp!? Oh my good golly gosh Miss Celestia, I have the same pair of undies at home!”

.....

“Um... Y-yes.” She was just kinda lost at this point. “So... Where are your pants?”

Pinkie cocked her head, looked down and then asked. “Where are yours?”

.....

“Good day to you, Pinkie.” Celestia had walked passed her, forcing a smile so transparent you’d think she worked Customer Service.

Pinkie, being the happy-go-lucky Cinnamon-Bun she was, simply shrugged off her Principal’s unusual behavior. “And people call me silly!” She entered the Anonymous residence, opening the door to join in on the insanity that cursed Anon’s life.

.....

Eeyup, just another normal day for the Anonymous Residence, a normal, pantless day just like any other.