It was normal, which wasn't normal for something like my home South Park to hold.

I was just packing some of my things, getting ready for the prison in South Park, my skewl... But in all prisons, there's the dominant guys and that one guy who gets rape in the shower. Of course, the guy who gets raped is a certain little Jew boy, and I'm one of the kewl dominant guys.

...Alright, that came out wrong. Thank god the guys didn't hear that shit. There's no way in hell I'm even getting close to Kahl like that.

Anyways, skewl is a hellhole filled with stupid people other than my friends and some other feminists that are sweet to piss off. The only reason I go is for their misfortune, which fills me up with joy, and my gains, which is definitely not the stupid shit they teach. The only people I even slightly care about are the ones who benefit me, like that gaywad Butters. Everyone else is just in the god damn way.

Well, back to this story that I'll probably change a bit to make Kahl look bad and read to the class later. I was just packing my things because my mom wasn't home to do it for me, probably doing some work somewhere else. I packed some binders filled with paper with notes and homework to throw at Kahl, some pencils, pens, and markers to draw or some shit... or to throw at Kahl, and my gym clothes. I got ready soon after, still being in my pajamas, then took my backpack downstairs to the kitchen to pack some food.

I thought I heard some rumbling upstairs when I was walking down the staircase but a second later my tummy started to rumble. Probably because I didn't eat as much as I do yesterday. I do need to keep these guns strong, you know. I left some cereal on the table as I started to pack more things. Three bags of cheesy poofs, some small cookies, and a doughnut. I then looked over at the edge of the counter to see that my mom left seven bucks for my lunch. Stupid bitch gave me less than the usual fifteen. I frowned with a little anger and hopped onto my seat at the kitchen table to start on my cereal. I took a couple of bites before I heard another rumbling.

This didn't come from my stomach.

I looked up and wondered if my mom had another guy over. I left my cereal at the table and went to the front window to see that the car was gone. Suspicious.

It was probably Mr. Kitty. Such a bad kitty I tell you. With some anger, I made my way upstairs and found that the sounds got clearer and clearer. It sounded like jumping. God dammit Mr. Kitty! Being such a dildo at the moment.

The sounds were coming from my room so it couldn't be from my mom even if she was still here. It was driving me crazy when I got closer.

"God dammit, Mr. Kitty what the hell-" I stopped and stared inside my room when I opened the door. A lot of things surprised me before, but this... this was just too much shit this early in the morning.

There were three small colored horses in my room.

One was jumping on my bed that I just made up for god's sake! It was orange with.... wings, purple hair, and a long ass purple tail. Her eyes were also purple. Some people call me stupid, which I'm not, but even a retard knew that horses didn't have colored eyes or wings.

Another one had a dildo on her head with white fur and purple and pink hair and tail, along with green eyes. It was going through my forbidden chest of toys. The fuck?

The last one was orange-eyed with yellow fur and red hair and tail having a red bow on her head as well. She was trying on my clothes... did Kenny give me drugs or alcohol and was my dumbass actually on it right now?!

My intrusion with yelling and cutting myself off brought them all to look at me with their colored eyes.

We stared at each other for a good minute before I silently sighed to myself and passed the confused yellow one to my closet. I kneeled down and took out a shoe box with my gun in it. It would be quick and simple.

I opened the box and took out the gun, loading in five bullets then cocking the top, making the sound I love so much. I turned and aimed the gun at the yellow one, pulling the trigger.

If it was human and my age, it would have hit it in the dick, since it was a bit smaller than me. Sadly, that means it went right below it through its legs and I fucking missed. I swear Butters used this gun last and now it's affecting my skill.

When it went through its four legs, it flinched and screamed which made the most terrible sound known to humankind that pissed me off even more. I turned to the other two with a glare and they started to scream, running all over my room messing it up completely. Did horses scream?

I tried and fired more shots hitting everything except for those god damn things. I broke my mirror and now my bed post had two holes in it. I heard that stupid clicking sound basically telling me that I couldn't kill these annoying things.

Then came my mom.

"Eric! What's going on?" She yelled with worry as she appeared at my door frame with a scared look on her face.

"Mom! There are these things in my room an-" I pointed to where I thought those things were and found that I was just pointing to my bed filled with bullet holes.

All my mom saw was the shot bed and the gun I had in my hand and she got pissed. "Eric, have you been watching scary movies all night again? I told you it would make you see things!" She yelled pointlessly at me. She ran up and took the gun from my hand. "And what have I told you about guns? That's very naughty, Eric."

I blew a fake sigh, trying to get her to fuck off. "I'm sorry mom I won't watch those scary movies again," I said with a fake sad voice. "I just want to be a big and brave kid, mommy." I also put in a sniffle to draw her attention at my 'sadness'.

"Oh..." She kneeled down beside me with sympathy. Too fucking easy. "Eric, I know you want to be a big boy. But you don't need to watch scary movies to be brave hon."

"I-I don't?" I looked at her with a sad face.

She shook her head. "Of course not. Now get ready for school. Your bus comes in thirty minutes.

I hugged her leg. "Thanks, but mommy? Why were you gone a couple of minutes ago?" I ask with my fraud kind voice.

"Mommy just had some stuff to do Eric, now go on and get ready." She left me right after she said that.

A couple of seconds passed before I ran up to my door, paying close attention inside my room as I did, I looked in the hallway for any sign of her, then slammed it shut with a frown.

I got a bat leaning on my nightstand and tiptoed around inside my room. "Alright, assholes! Where the fuck are you hiding?" I held the bat with two hands and slowly looked around my room. I looked inside the closet and of course, they weren't there. I then looked in my toy chest to see none of them. Which meant that the only place they could be hiding was under the fucking bed, a classic.

I kneeled beside it and dipped my head down, now staring at three scared looking horses.

"Hi there," I said, full of hate. I signaled with my pointing finger. "Come out." I don't know how, but the three understood and came out with fear. I guess they didn't have a choice. "Sit down," I said with a frown while pointing my bat beside my bed. They walked over with their heads down and started to climb my- "Not on my bed you retarded fucking horses!"

The yellow one turned and looked at me with a glare. "We're not horses!" She yelled?

I stared at her with wide eyes. "What the fuck?" She just fucking spoke English, and in a hillbilly accent.

"Yeah, we're ponies." The orange one said to me.

I literally slapped myself in the face. "Of course, you're from Imaginationland." I then smirked and looked at them, holding my bat with two hands. "Which means it's legal to kill you, since you're not technically real." They whimpered. Oh god, I love being in control.

I raised the bat and aimed for the yellow one's head since its dumbass decided to raise its voice at me.

"Imaginationland?" She asked me.

I swung the bat and she flinched before it hit her directly on the forehead. It didn't even make a scratch or dent. "The fuck?"

"Wait, are you using a Wiffle bat?" This shitter asked me.

I looked at my bat, quickly realizing it was a Wiffle ball bat. "Oh- AH! God dammit!" I yelled throwing this useless thing down to the floor.

"Who's god?" The orange dumbass with wings asked.

"I like this monkey, he's funny." The white dildo head one just called me a fucking monkey, who does she, I mean it does have a female voice, think she is? I picked up the useless bat and whacked her with it on the forehead as well, making her giggle.

"Hello, I'm a human not a fucking animal like you!" I yelled pointing to her.

"Well, that's just rude and specist" The orange dumbass said with a frown.

"And we're from Equestria for your information." The yellow one spoke again. I was getting sick of this.

"Eric hon, the bus is coming soon!" I barely heard my mom called up to me. I ran up to my door, opened it, and yelled down with anger that I was coming. I slammed it right after and looked at the three. "Look, I don't care where you came from, and I don't have anything in this room to kill you with, and I'm not getting adults involved with this because they might do worse."

"Worse?" They all asked me.

"They might try to experiment on you or whatever, ask me a bunch of questions I rather not deal with. But anyways, I need to get to school or my mom will act like a total bitch again. Stay here until I get back." I ordered them, turning to my bag my mom probably brought in when she first came up. I slipped my arms in and ran out of the room shutting the door behind me. "And if my room is a mess when I get back, I will do much worse than satan could!" I yelled through it.

I ran downstairs and headed to the kitchen, finding out that my cereal had gotten soggy and gross. I left it there and went to the front door, opening it, heading outside, and slamming it behind me cutting off my mom's goodbye.

I ran to the bus stop finding the bus about to leave. I managed to get on before the doors closed and walked down the middle aisle while out of breath.

"Hey, fatass you almost missed the bus." The Jew said to me as I passed him.

"Oh really? I thought jews weren't smart enough to realize that?" I say back to him with sarcasm.

"Fuck you!" He says with a glare at which I just flipped him off as a reply.

I went to the very back of the bus and sat down, watching buildings pass by through the window. It was then I heard some ruffling in my bag. No...

To my shock and anger, I opened my bag to find those three - Ponies they called themselves? - in my bag huddled up. They looked up at me with sheepish smiles. How the fuck did they even fit in there!?

I whispered down at them with anger. "What the fuck are you doing in there?"

The yellow one decided to open her mouth. "We didn't want to be left at your house alone. We don't know where we are."

"And you think I can help you? I can assure you I am the last person you want help from."

"Then take us to someone who can!" The purple one whisper-yelled.

"You think I want to deal with a bunch of stupid questions involving ponies?" I sighed with frustration. How was I going to hide them until I got home? Leaving them in my locker over the weekend until they died of hunger wouldn't work, a janitor would smell their corpses and find them in there. Then I would get questioned and probably be put in detention.

There was something that could work, however.

I peeked out to stare at the middle aisle of the bus, seeing Kyle's bag open with some notebooks and snacks. "You see there?" I asked them pointing to his bag. "He has a bag of chips in his backpack that I want. Get it for me and I'll see what I can do." If they went for the Jew's stuff and they got caught, I would act surprised and act like I didn't know shit. My plan was flawless.

"Isn't that stealing?" The white one asked.

"No dildo head, it's mine! I meant I want it back!"

"What's a dildo?" Of course, the orange dumbass asked that.

I slapped myself in the face again. "Just get it for me!" They just kept fucking staring at me. I rolled my eyes. "Please?" Then it looked like they were starting to move, thank god! My plan was finally in motion and I could finally have a peaceful morning.

Except when I looked down at them they were just staring at the bag.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked them in a harsh whisper. Then I paid attention and heard what they were saying.

"Can ya see it, Sweetie Belle?" I could tell it was the yellow one whispering by her accent.

"Yeah, hold on." What kind of name was Sweetie Belle? Then again they were girly ponies.

She sounded like she was concentrating. When I looked closer I saw that her dildo was glowing green. Confused, I turned to look at Kahl's bag and saw that the bag of chips that I asked for was also glowing in that green and was shaking. The next thing I knew, the snack floated to me in that glow with a quiet sparkling noise and it dropped down into my lap. I picked it up with confusion.

"What the fuck just happened?" I asked.

"That was magic, duh!" Did the orange dumbass think I was stupid or something.

"Magic?" I scoffed and looked at their faces which were dead serious. "Wait, you weren't kidding," I said with shock.

"Only Sweetie Belle can use it because she has a horn." So basically this hillbilly pony told me that her friend here has a magic dildo.

"Yeah, and I could also do other things if I practiced. Levitation is a basic thing." She told me.

I looked at the bag of chips in my grasp, then back at the three little ponies sitting in my bag.

"Talking to yourself back there, fatass?" Kenny yelled a few seats away.

"HEY!"

I only heard laughter from that poor bastard.

I turned back to the creatures in my bag.

I might not get rid of them after all, at least not Dildo Belle.

Author's Note

This just came up in my mind and I had nothing else to write so I was like why not? Tell me if you feel that anything's wrong with Cartman or the CMC in this story, I don't believe I have Cartman's character well written but we'll see.