Forever and Always

Fluttershy

After a few minutes recovery, Rarity hops up off the couch and comes to kiss me on the cheek. “That was an excellent little jubilee, darling. Well done. I’m going to go make use of your shower again, if that’s alright?”

“Of course.” The idea of joining her for a shower enters my mind, and not for the first time. I feel the blush rising in my cheeks, but then it stops. I don’t have to pretend that I don’t think like that anymore. Rarity is my marefriend now, and I don’t think it’s any secret that I’ve thought about...doing things….

I watch Rarity walk away. EEEEP.

She glances back at me when she’s halfway up the stairs and giggles. Oh. My. That was sexy. Then she’s gone to get all well in my shower. EEEEP.

“Really, Shy?”

Dashie’s tone and the expression on her face make me nervous. We’re really alone for the first time tonight. She was laughing a minute ago, but now she’s upset. “Did I do something wrong?” I ask from behind my mane.

“Well…” Her ears droop. “No. It’ll just take some getting used to.”

I’ve never seen her so vulnerable and insecure. She’s like an animal that’s been plucked from its safe place and dropped in a habitat where it doesn’t know the rules. Dashie and I have been friends since we were foals, but she’s always done her best to keep these moments of weakness away from me. Maybe it’s time to stop selfishly expecting her to be so strong all the time, even though her strength makes me feel safe. Maybe I can be strong for her her too.

Eeeep.

I don’t know, but I have to try.

“Wait one minute,” I say quietly. She opens her mouth like she’s going to say something, but then closes it again and nods. I walk to the kitchen and get a juice box for myself, a bottle of cider for her, and a carrot for Angel.

I place the carrot in front of Angel’s hutch on my way back to the living room. All things considered he’s behaving himself very well.
It seems like Dashie can barely look at me as approach her. I offer her the cider, which she takes, and then I sit down again in the large comfortable chair across from her. As much as it makes me uncomfortable to face things head on, I know it will help her.

She takes a long draw on her cider and relaxes a bit. “Since when do you keep cider in the house?” she asks.

She’s still not looking at me. Dashie hasn’t ever avoided looking at me before, not like this. “Since I learned how much you like it,” I say honestly. I want to apologize. I don’t even know what I’ve done, but something happened in the last few minutes that’s changed all the wonderful feelings from just a few moments ago.

“Huh.”

That’s it? That’s all she’s going to say?

It’s ok. I can be patient. I can keep my face calm and unthreatening, even though I can’t help but wonder if Dashie is about to break my heart. I knew this would happen. I knew I would ruin it. They both said such nice things, but they didn’t really know. It’s just like Twilight and her theories. Everypony has these ideas of what something might be, and then when they really try it they don’t get what they expected at all. It’s like modeling (even though I knew I wouldn’t like that) or Nightmare Night. Rarity and Dashie thought they would like being with me, but now Dashie doesn’t. That’s ok though. For a few precious hours, I got be with the only two ponies I’ve ever felt that way about. I should have known that Dashie was just trying to keep up a brave face for Rarity. I probably really did hurt her.

EEEEP!

Oh no. Dashie!

Rainbow Dash

I’m staring at my half empty bottle of cider when Shy launches herself at me. I brace for impact, but it’s like being tackled by a sack of feathers.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, Dashie.” She’s crying and wrapped around me.

Horseapples. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Things are awesome. Shy’s totally in. She digs Rarity. Obviously, the three of us are going to have some serious fun. So, why am all….confused? Sad?

Flutters just holds onto me and apologizes for a while. She’s acting like the Fluttershy I’ve always known, but not the Fluttershy I’ve seen today. It’s hard to trust her. It’s hard to stop seeing the image in my brain of Shy watching Rarity walk up the stairs. Yeah, Rares and I looked at other ponies, but since we’d started dating nopony looked at Rarity like that. Even if they did, it didn’t matter because I knew they had no chance.
Shy is different. I figured eventually we’d have a moment together where Shy would feel comfortable and brave enough to say something about Rarity being pretty, but that was not happend. Those turquoise eyes roved over my unicorn like she was…. It was like….. Ogled. It’s such a Rarity word, but it’s the right one. Shy ogled Rares. She’d done everything, but drool.

Which is good, right?

I always thought it would be.

There’s this part of me that wants to push her away, but I can’t be mad at Shy. That’s just not a thing I do. But I can’t stand to have her touch me right now. Why is all this stuff happening in my head?!?!?

Rarity
One moment I’m humming to myself and the next a blue pegasus is crashing into the shower with me. This is not an unusual occurrence. I’ve learned to brace myself for impact when I hear her coming, and she really does try to slow down some of the time.

This particular instance of the behavior is unusual. Rainbow Dash is upset. We’re sitting on the floor of Fluttershy’s shower. I turned the water off the moment I’d collected myself enough to understand what happened, and used a quick bit of magic to dry both of us off. I also swept my mane and tail into quick braids to help mitigate the inevitable friz from going untreated post-shower. Rainbow is wrapped up and I’m holding her like a foal. She’s shivering and shuddering even worse than Fluttershy was earlier.

Fluttershy is in her bedroom curled up on the floor where Rainbow napped earlier. I’ve wrapped her in a shining blue aura like a blanket, and a little tendril of magic is working it’s way through her mane. It’s helping, but she’s still crying silent tears.

I am sorely tempted to be disgruntled at how events have unfolded tonight. There was supposed to be a calm conversation over dinner wherein Rainbow and I explained our intentions and calmed Fluttershy’s concerns. We would ask her to go on a date with us as a couple, and then we would try excursions with her individually. The whole process would be very calm and restrained. Each layer of progression would be uncomfortable for our shy little pony, but not dramatic.

Yet, here we are flipping end over emotional end, buffeting against the unknown and surprisingly strong emotions that none of us were prepared for. We are a mess, but my mind is calm. My loves are not communicating well. Rainbow in particular is playing things too close to the vest as it were. We can work on that. I am confident that all our chemistry is in place and intact. We’ve started sewing our complex garment together much too quickly. All we need to do is stop the machine, sort out the tangle, perhaps remove a stitch or two, and try again. That image is quite helpful. I wish I could communicate it to Fluttershy, she would appreciate it.

My beloved Rainbow Dash however, will need an entirely different approach. Exactly what approach I cannot be certain, because I am not certain of the issue that is plaguing her so, but I do have a few ideas. In our conversations, it became clear that each of us put Fluttershy on a pedestal in our own way. The entire Photo Finish debacle had undone some of that for me however. Many of the day’s events likely challenged not only Rainbow’s understanding of her dynamic with Fluttershy, but also her idealized image of Fluttershy herself. If that is the case, then my thoughts from earlier in the evening about earning trust apply to Rainbow Dash as well.

Rainbow’s struggles to trust anypony were a pattern in the tapestry of our relationship that took sometime to fully understand. Even before we were a couple, I noticed her uncertainty from time to time and wondered what the root of the behavior was. She didn’t talk about her foalhood, except occasionally about some moment or other with Fluttershy.

I didn’t press the issue. Perhaps I should have, but our relationship was somehow immune to the concern. So, it didn’t feel pressing. It feels pressing now. Especially given that Fluttershy doesn’t seem to have any insight into the issue. If she had, then I’m sure she would have acted differently.

The idea that Rainbow might keep something significant from Fluttershy isn’t at all surprising. One of the reasons we felt so strongly that we needed to allow a relationship with her to develop slowly was that Rainbow acknowledged there were parts of her life and personality kept from Fluttershy. She expressed many times a fear: “Shy only thinks she likes me, because she thinks I’m brave. It makes her feel safe. How is she gonna deal with knowing that I’m just a pony? An awesome pony, yeah. But just a pony.”

I can feel Fluttershy’s concern from across the room. She’s never seen Rainbow Dash like this. This conversation will be a lesson for her, whenever we manage to have it. I can’t possibly teach Fluttershy what to do. They must carve their own path. However, I can show her what I have learned in the past year. The Rainbow I’ve come to know since that first weekend in Canterlot is so very different than I could have ever expected. And yet, she is very much the same.

Rainbow’s tremors of emotion have slowed, and she is still. Fluttershy has noticed the change as well. She looks to me with more concern in her face than I have ever seen, and that is saying something for Fluttershy. All I can do is hope that the look I give her is soothing, and that she understands when I quietly say to both of them, “Everything is going to be just fine, love.”

At my words Rainbow pulls herself to me a little tighter, and Fluttershy nods. They might not trust each other in this moment, but they both trust me and that is a start.

I wish I could move Rainbow and myself without stopping the magic I have focused on Fluttershy. I remember Twilight and the Ursa Minor. Few ponies truly understand the difficulty of what she did that day. In truth, I’m certain I don’t fully understand myself. However, I understand enough to know that the combination of large and sustained actions was a magical feat worthy of an alicorn. WIth that in mind- and knowing that I am physically, mentally, emotionally, and magically worn out from the day- I give Fluttershy my best apologetic look and remove the aura wrapped around her. My heart nearly breaks when hers ears fold. Then she notices that Rainbow and I are levitating out of the tub, and she gives me an understanding nod.

The moment I’ve settled Rainbow and myself on Fluttershy’s bed I quickly pull a quilt over us, and light a few of the candles in the room. Fluttershy has rotated on her cushion. She’s facing us, but farther away than I’d like. I wrap her in my magic and bring her and the cushion close enough that I can reach out with one hoof and caress her face. She turns her muzzle into my touch, and I settle the blanketlike aura of magic around her once more. Our eyes meet, and I blow her a silent kiss. She responds by gently and tentatively kissing my hoof.

Rainbow’s muzzle is buried in my neck. It’s tempting to think that she may have fallen asleep, but I know better. I can almost hear her mind at work. I will hold her for as long as she needs. It is a truly rare occasion that Rainbow needs something more than a little reinforcement or a reminder that she is a better pony than she sometimes chooses to be. So, here in this most vulnerable of times, I will be whatever she needs. I shall hold her, and whisper to her, and press gentle kisses to her head until she is either ready to speak on her own or I discern that she is ready to be verbally pulled from her melancholia.

This is not the first time we have done this. The first time was shortly after that magical first weekend together. We were back in Canterlot for a design meeting with the Wonderbolts. As per my request, I had a tete a tete scheduled with each member of the flight team. Rainbow was invited to join the practice session that was going on simultaneously.

My conversations and fittings went well. I felt inspired and enlightened. I was confident that while this work would not reflect my true passion for fashion it would reflect the passion I had come to associate with the Wonderbolts because of my paramor. Each pony that came in spoke kindly of my designs, but far more notably they each shared some wonderfully complimentary thoughts about Rainbow Dash. They spoke of her with an unexpected reverence. Soarin mentioned how excited he was for her to be one of them. It was all so absolute and unquestioned. They spoke as if she was one of them. I couldn’t help but wonder once again why she wasn’t.

When I was finished, I collected my things and went in search of my mare. She was not to be found. After making inquiries of several staff ponies, I was directed to wait for her outside the team’s changing rooms. It was a long wait.

Perhaps this is it! I thought to myself. Perhaps they have finally recognized her worth and are promoting her from reservist to the team proper!

I sat and sketched a marvelous celebration dress for her; even though I was certain she would never wear such a garment. It was a lovely full gown of Wonderbolt blue, with a sheer overlay of white with yellow lightning bolts. The petticoat would be her signature rainbow, so that as she dashed about her welcome party there would be flashes of rainbows darting across the room. There would be a brooch at her neck- the team crest. The slippers were a surprising combination of athleticism and elegance. They had a spartan look to them that I was quite enraptured with.

As I put the finishing touches on the design, I became aware of the fact that I designed an entire complex ensemble on the floor of a training facility while waiting for my marefriend. It had been mid afternoon when I sat down to wait, but more than an hour had passed. It was early evening now, and I began to feel concerned.

Just then Spitfire emerged from the changing room. She seemed genuinely surprised to see me. “Oh. Hey,” she said in a casual, but markedly uncomfortable way. “Did you need something? I can probably go find one of the suits or something.”

“No, thank you. I’m just waiting for Rainbow Dash.”

“Dash left hours ago.”

“She what?”

“Yeah, she and coach had a talk right after practice, and Dash just took off.”

I’m not certain I thanked Spitfire for the information before took off at a full gallop. Wherever she was, Rainbow was upset and had a very significant head start. She might even be back in Ponyville at that point.

All caution and concern for maintaining a genteel appearance for anypony that might see me was completely forgotten. I ran to Canterlot Castle, because it was faster than trying to find a taxi. Gratefully, putting my energy into running forced my mind to calm. I determined that I would return to our room, and begin my search from there. Perhaps she had at least stopped there to collect something or leave a note.

I saw the concerned looks on the guards’ faces as I passed, not even sparing a breath to tell them good evening. I took the stairs to our room by leaps, and nearly slipped on the well polished marble floor at the top. I tossed the door aside with my magic, and crashed into the room.
I cast my eyes about frantically.

“Hey Rares,” she said. If she were Pinkie Pie, her mane would have been pin straight and lifeless. She sounded hollow and forlorn, but I was nevertheless overjoyed to have found her.

I tossed my saddlebags aside, and swept her into an embrace.The instant my forelegs encircled her, I felt her crumble against me. I restrained the urge to reprimand her for running off without telling me, and simply carried her to the bed. Her wings wrapped around me not in a gesture of affection, but of desperation. She molded herself to me as though she might be lost to some great whirlwind if I let her go.

My mind scrambled. My love was distraught. Surely there was something I must do, but despite the frenzy in my brain I followed the physical instinct to be still. I held her and I waited. For an eternity, I expected to hear her drift into sleep. She never did.

The sun set and a moonless night crept across the floor of our room. Both of our stomachs gurgled and we ignored them. It was so tempting to be afraid and give in to my usual dramatics, but I couldn’t manage it. I knew that she was wandering in some soul-searching darkness, but that she was my stalwart and valiant knight of a marefriend. She would find her way back to me.

After I had drifted through phases of boredom, concern, and fear. Then she heaved a great sigh and relaxed.

“Shall I see if I can order something for us?” I asked. Although I spoke softly, my voice rang across the room and felt entirely too loud after so much silence.

“Yeah,” was all she said.

I lit a lamp, and wrote a quick note. Then using a little spell Celestia had been kind enough to teach me on a previous visit, I sent the request to the kitchen. A moment passed and a return note popped into existence. I drafted a response and sent it off.

A few minutes later a serving pony entered with a tray. He set it down and I floated a few bits to him for his trouble. He gave a little bow and left. I brought the tray to rest on the bed before us. It was a simple meal, but adequate. There were four bottles of Apple Family Hard Cider- I didn’t know that we would drink all four, but with Rainbow Dash more cider is rarely a bad idea- two sandwiches, some sliced apples and carrots, and two small tarts for dessert. I brought a sandwich to my lips and took a bite, then offered it to her.

I don’t know that I had ever shared food with anypony like that- perhaps Sweetie Bell when we were much younger- but it felt right. We alternated bites of food and sips of cider. She never pulled away from me, so I just held her and fed her. With the food and two of our bottles of cider gone, rather than allowing the silence to return I hummed one of Sweetie’s favorite lullabies.

“Thanks, Rares.”

I kissed her head. “Of course, my darling.”

Another few minutes passed, and I hummed the song again.

“They said I’m too important,” she said evenly, but with great emotion. “The commander said that they’ve thought about calling me up a bunch of times, but every time they do the map calls or we save Equestria. He said that being an Element of Harmony and being on the Friendship Council is more important than being a Wonderbolt. Then Spitfire said that I’ve done things that mattered, and most the time they are just entertainment. She said everypony wants me on the team, but it would be a step down for me.”

I was trying to generate a response, but I was truly flabbergasted by the line of thinking. Yes, our little group was often called upon for various adventurings; but that was no reason to keep anypony from living her dream. Was it?

“The commander said, that I could train with the team whenever I want. Then he showed me a few things they’d been working on so they bring me in as a featured flyer. He wants to take me off reserve status, but he can’t put me in the regular rotation either. So, he’s waiting on some higher ups to decide how to handle it. He said that after he saw me beat Spitfire a few weeks ago he decided that he’d take it all the way to Celestia if he has to.”

“Darling, that’s wonderful.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Isn’t it?”

“It’s just not what I wanted, ya know? I never wanted to be some special sidekick to the Wonderbolts. I want to be a Wonderbolt.”

“And being a Wonderbolt in name alone isn’t enough, is it?” I said thinking of designers I’d known. Their names were on the shops and labels, but it wasn’t their genius in the clothes. They could walk down a street and not recognize a garment from their own collection. It was an empty, almost farcical kind of success. She shook her head. “Perhaps you ought to speak with Twilight and Princess Celestia,” I said. “There simply must be a way to be part of the Friendship Council AND be a Wonderbolt at the same time.”

“That’s what I said,” Rainbow replied forlornly. “The commander said he didn’t think so.” She paused for a moment. “I’d never leave Twilight or the Princess hangin’. I mean the commander is trying to work out a pretty sweet gig for me, right? I just…”

Gently I used a hoof to turn her face to mine. Tears were glistening in her beautiful eyes. “I know, darling. You don’t want to be an exception to the rules. You want to earn your place just like any other pony numbered among the greatest flyers in Equestria.”

She nodded.

“Darling, you should have heard them talk about you today.”

“Who?”

“All of them. They respect and admire you. My day was filled with more conversations about you than about fashion. Many of them sounded a lot like you do when you talk about them. They are your fans. They know your stories. Soarin’ must have said ‘Sonic Rainboom’ a dozen times. Spitfire says your name with more reverence than Celestia’s. I think perhaps, if they could, many of them would trade you places. They would take the techniques they use mostly for show, and use them for the good of Equestria on a regular basis. I know they are your heroes, my darling Dash; but if I am not mistaken- you are their hero as well.”

I watched her take in my words. Understanding slowly rolled over in a wave, and when her wings-which had been perfectly still for a nearly alarming amount of time- began to twitch I braced myself.

It was another moment before she took off across the room, and a chromatic whirlwind consumed the seating area spitting out throw pillows in several directions that nearly toppled two or three lamps. I recovered each of the light fixtures and returned them to their place. Then she crashed into me, “Rares! Do you know what this means? I’m gonna be a Wonderbolt. I mean, yeah- I’m still gonna be a Ponyville weather pony; but I’m also gonna be a Wonderbolt. They want me! The actually want me!”

I smile at the memory. I don’t believe we’ll be waiting hours for her to snap out of it tonight. I can feel her stirring against me, even so. There is no rush. For my Rainbow Dash, I can be a patient pony.