Fluttershy

Eeep. There’s a squeeze. Rarity is squeezing my hoof to get my attention. Oh! I look into her eyes and she nods, then looks at Dashie.

Dashie is looking at me!

She’s not mad, but she’s scared. If she were a frightened critter, I would look away. I would let her know that I’m not a threat. Something tells me that would be wrong, so I only hide in my mane a little bit and hold her gaze.

“Sorry, Shy,” she says sounding like a contrite little filly. It’s heartbreaking. I want to wrap her up and tell her it’s ok. We’ll fix everything. I can just be friends. I know Rarity won’t let anything happen to Dashie. Watching them has taught me so much. Rarity knows a Dashie that I’ve never met. It’s a Dashie that Rainbow Dash has kept from me on purpose. I’m not mad about that. I just want that Dashie to know that it’s ok that I know. I didn’t mean to hurt her and I’m sorry. I’ll fix it. I won’t ever hurt her again.

I want to reach out and touch her, but I’m not sure. I glance at Rarity, who watches Rainbow, then nods to me. I stand and reach out with a wing tip for Dashie, and she reaches back. Our feathers barely brush, but it’s enough. I’m about to settle back onto my cushion when Rarity says, “Why don’t you join us?” her eyes looking to the hoofboard.

Dashie gives the tiniest little nod. I flutter my wings just enough to gentle settle myself at the bottom of the bed. Then I feel the same warm nestled feeling that Rarity has kept me wrapped in. It’s a comfort. Rainbow is the priority, but I am not forgotten. I need that. Rarity wants me here. If she didn’t then I might just run away and let them leave in peace. No hard feelings. No expectations. As it is, I am holding on to that feeling from earlier. Dashie needs me to be brave. She needs to know that it’s ok to tell me hard things.

I know everypony thinks I like the quiet, and I do, but I don’t like silence. I enjoy the quiet of a forest or a meadow that has a gentle buzz of animal life. It’s calming to know that critters are happily going about their business. Nothing can be truly wrong or bad when I hear that hum. True silence makes me nervous. When the world goes quiet that means something wrong or dangerous is present, and the choice between a fight or flight response is imminent. And because of the pony I am, I almost always choose flight. It’s an instinct and a habit that I am willfully combating in this moment.

The room is silent, and I want to just go away. I want to tell Dashie and Rarity that I won’t ever bother them again, but I know they won’t let that happen. For once, the tension in a room isn’t coming from my fear, it’s coming from somepony else. It’s coming from a pony I love and have loved for as long as I can remember. Rainbow Dash would never let me run away from this, and she needs me to stay. So, I’m just going to lie here trying to be non-threatening, and learning from watching her with Rarity.

A few more minutes pass. Then Rarity kisses Dashie on the head, and gives her a nudge with her white muzzle. Dashie looks up. They communicate something much like animals sometimes do. It’s like a mother bird that waits just out the nest looking expectantly to her chick as if to say, “It’s ok little one. I’ll be right here. You still have to jump.”

Dashie sighs and sits up. I crouch back. Dashie kisses Rarity on the cheek and gives her a long nuzzle. “Thanks Rares,” she says quietly.

“Always, my darling.” Rarity replies gently. “Are you ready to talk about it?”

“No, but yes.”

Then Rainbow turns to look at me.

EEEEP.

Then she nuzzles me. It’s gentle and quick, but it’s enough. “It’s ok, Shy,” she says quietly in my ear just like she has hundreds of times. I nuzzle her back trying to help her feel brave. She sits back and Rarity takes her hoof, but Dashie stays focused on me.

“We kinda made a mess of this whole thing, huh?” She asks, and Rarity gently scoffs in agreement. Before I can stop them my ears droop and I recoil. Their words from earlier are playing through my head. They’ve wanted me for a long time. That’s soothing, and it makes me brave.

“Maybe you two pulled a Fluttershy,” I say quietly.

“What do you mean, darling?” Rarity asks.

“Well, sometimes I think I’m going to be so nervous or scared of something that I avoid it and avoid it and avoid it. Then when the thing actually happens it turns out to be no big deal, and I feel really silly. Obviously, the idea that this is no big deal isn’t accurate. What I mean is that there was so much build up for you two that the reality of tonight is surprising.”

“Yeah, plus we never expected to you be so...not you.” Dashie isn’t trying to be mean, but the words hurt. Rarity tries to interject on my behalf, but I catch her eye and shake my head. This is what Dashie needs to talk about, and she’s gone through a lot to say it. I turn my eyes back to Dash, and try to look brave. I nod and she starts talking:

“Sorry, Shy. I just never thought I’d have to tell you not to look at Rarity like she’s somepony on a trashy street corner. I never thought you’d be the pony I’d have to remind to be careful with her. I never thought I’d suddenly realize that there’s this whole side of you that I don’t know. I’m just blown away. I still love you, and I still want to do this, but I think we need to get to know each other again. I know tonight was intense, and I’m me so the idea that I need us to slow down is weird, but I need all of this to slow down. I don’t want to feel betrayed when you look at Rares, and I don’t want you to feel like you can’t just be you because I might freak out. Maybe it’s because we’ve been friends for so long, maybe it’s because I’ve never really let myself see the whole you, maybe it’s because I never let you see the whole me, or whatever. It feels like I need time to learn to love the Fluttershy I got to see tonight. Ok?”

I’m thrilled. I couldn’t be happier. She wants to get to know me. She doesn’t want me to hide anymore. She isn’t giving up on me, or making it sound like I’m asking for something she can’t or doesn’t want to do. There’s so much I could say, but I don’t think she’s ready for it. So, I just nod and say, “Ok.”

There’s a pause, and then we both look at Rarity. She’s been crying but she doesn’t look sad. She pulls Dashie in and kisses her softly. Then those sapphire eyes turn to me, and she reaches a hoof for me.

Really? Doesn’t this seem like a bad idea after what Dashie just said?

I glance to Rainbow Dash. She takes a deep breath and nods. “It’s you and me that have stuff to work through, Shy. Not you and Rares.”

“But- I don’t want to….” make you uncomfortable.

“I’m not trying to be insensitive to Rainbow either,” Rarity says gently.

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Please let me finish, darling” she cuts me off. “I am committed to making our relationships work. I don’t know how to do that by withholding affection when I feel affectionate. That isn’t who I am. There’s a conversation to be had about how Rainbow reacted to the way you looked at me earlier, but I can genuinely say that it didn’t bother me.” She looks to Rainbow Dash, and leans forward touching her horn to Dashie’s head. “Thank you for knowing you can trust me, darling. Thank you for being honest about your concerns. Thank you for being willing to be uncomfortable while we figure all of this out.”

There’s a gentle glow where Rarity’s horn is touching Dash’s head. I know that I don’t know exactly what I’m seeing, but it’s loving and tender. When Rarity pulls away, Dashie looks happier. She looks at me and tosses her mane toward Rarity. “Go ahead and kiss her, Shy. I promise I can handle it,” she sounds like herself again and I believe her.

I creep forward on the bed. Rarity’s eyes are smiling at me as we lean toward each other. It’s the first time we’ve kissed that I truly feel in control of myself. It feels like my first kiss, and I’m glad it’s with Rarity. It’s shy, and sweet, and brief, and she nuzzles me when it’s over, and only smiles when I blush. She quickly kisses my nose, and then pulls away.

“That was how our first kiss was supposed to be,” she says, and I notice she’s blushing too. All I can do is nod.
Then I look at Dashie. I want to kiss her, but I don’t know… She knows what I’m not asking, and hesitates. “It’s ok if you say no,” I tell her. Being reassuring for her feels strange, but good. It makes her look at me a little differently.

She takes another moment to consider me and glance at Rarity. Then she nods, “Ok, Shy.” But she doesn’t move. I’m going to kiss her, and it’s going to be ok. I want her to feel safe. I want her to feel loved. I want her to know that I won’t hurt her anymore. I want to say all of that in one kiss.

I scoot close to her, trying move slowly so she can see what I’m doing without creating an awkward pause. I don’t look away. I’m watching for her to change her mind, and if she does I’m determined to not show my disappointment.

She doesn’t pull away. She stays perfectly still. Knowing that Rarity is watching is reassuring. I’m tempted to glance at her for validation, but I don’t. Like Dashie said, this is about me and her. I reach to touch her face, and she lets me leaning into my hoof with her cheek at the last moment. That relaxed, carefree moment she had after Rarity touched her with her horn is gone. Rainbow is scared again, and she’s letting me see it. It makes me nervous, but I know it’s good. It’s good when an animal lets you know that they’re hurt. It’s the first step in trying to help.

I lean forward, but tip my chin down so our foreheads touch, and she she leans into the contact closing her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Dashie.” The words feel so inadequate, but they are all I have. “I promise I’ll be careful. I don’t want to hurt you.” Then the big thought I’ve been holding onto since this whole thing began comes to the surface, and I force myself to say it before I convince myself I’m too big a coward. “I’ve been waiting for you my whole life, Rainbow Dash. I’m sorry that I didn’t believe in you or myself enough to tell you, or let you know the real parts of me that have wanted you for as long as I can remember. I’m not brave like you, but I can be brave for you. I won’t let you down. I promise.”

I kiss her head and she nods. She looks at me, and I can see that she’s crying. Rainbow doesn’t cry, but she’s let me see her raw emotions so many times tonight. I wipe the tears away trying to be as gentle as I can knowing it’s a privilege she doesn’t have to give me.

Just at the moment I feel the tension rising and panic setting in- I’m going to lose my nerve, I just know it- Rarity whispers, “this is all very wonderful, but would you kiss her already. I’m exhausted and would like to go to sleep.”

Rainbow and I both giggle quietly. One more quick glance at her eyes, to which she responds with a small nod of approval and acceptance. One more breath to remember all the things I want this kiss to mean, and I close the gap between our mouths.

Rainbow Dash

Kissing Fluttershy wasn’t supposed to feel like this. I was supposed to kiss her, but she’s kissing me and it’s awesome. All the feelings just quiet down, and it’s like I can suddenly remember who she is. She’s just Shy. She would never hurt anypony or anything. She’s soft, but firm. She doesn’t push me, but when I open my mouth for her she’s right there. It’s weird, but cool to feel her holding back. Like, she wants more- a lot more- but she listened to what I said and isn’t going to push it.

I just want to kiss her. Sometimes it’s like this Rares too where kissing just feels amazing and I could just do it forever, but I can feel Shy’s resolve breaking. I can’t help the laugh that escapes as I break the kiss and pull away. Flutters is flustered and trying to hide it, but she couldn’t hide candy from a foal if she tried. I give her another quick smooch.

Then my stomach grumbles.

“Oh, I’ll get us some snacks,” Fluttershy says and takes off. Then I hear her hooves on the landing and she peaks shyly around the corner. “Rarity would you like some tea?”

“Yes, please darling. Chamomile if you have it.”

“Dashie?”

“Just a snack and some cider if it’s still cold,” not that I mind warm cider. It just doesn’t sound good right now.

Flutters goes down the stairs, and I turn toward Rarity. She opens her hooves, and I flop down for a hug. She strokes my back and my wings, but in a soothing way- not a sexy way.

“Feeling better?” She asks.

“Yeah. Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“No apologies, darling. Your feelings don’t need to be explained or justified.”

I nuzzle her, and she squeezes me. “Thanks Rares.”

“Of course.” Then after a beat, “There is one question I must ask you.”

“Go ahead.”

“You were bothered by my exchange with Fluttershy from the stairs.”

“That’s not a question.”

“Sometimes a lady gives her question a bit of context. If you will kindly allow a moment of exposition, then I shall ask my question in short order. Does that sound agreeable?” She’s being overly formal. Before that would have bugged me, but now I know she’s teasing me, so it makes me smile.

“Yeah. Sure. Whatever.”

“Thank you for your consideration” She clears her throat in a dramatically dainty way, and I laugh. “This is very serious Rainbow Dash. Please do be serious.” It would be easier to be serious if she wasn’t tickling me, but then it wouldn’t be fun. It took her a while to learn that I could be serious and smile at the same time, but once she figured it out we both realized that the best way for me to talk about mushy things or stuff that made me uncomfortable was to joke around a little bit.

“As I was saying, the exchange on the stairs bothered you. Yet your discomfort and anxiety seems to have been entirely connected to our lovely Fluttershy. May I ask why I was thus protected?”

That’s easy. “Because we talked about it.”

“Please expound.”

The tickling has stopped, and she’s back to the gentle stroking of my back and wings. I snuggle in and close my eyes before I start talking. “We’ve talked about it a lot. I’ve seen you flirt with other ponies before. I’ve even asked you to flirt with other ponies, because I thought it was awesome to watch them be jealous when you came back to me. Nothing you did on the stairs was unexpected. I knew how you felt about Fluttershy, and you acted the way you told me you felt. That’s easy to understand.”

“I see.”

“Does that make sense?”

“Of course it does, darling. You’ve explained yourself beautifully, and I truly appreciate it. While I believe that I’ve fared the best of the three of us tonight, I confess that I too have been thrown by the surprising depth and dichotomy of feeling and behavior Fluttershy has shown us.”

“Ya think?”

That makes us both laugh. Then I realize something. “I need a shower,” I say out loud. For some reason we chuckle again.
“I suppose you do. Will you wait for Fluttershy, or go now?”

“I’ll hop in now. I think Shy might be down there for a minute trying to calm down. That kiss was intense.” I don’t even try to not sound awesome.

“You think?” Rarity says with a giggle and a wink, as I walk to the bathroom.

Author's Note

This update is the product of a MAJOR rewrite. It's been a ton of work, but I think it turned out well. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did or your didn't, please leave me a comment and let me know why.
Thanks for reading!