Finding Freedom

I felt…dull. That's the only way I can think to explain it. I could still feel the pain, hear things, and even see some things. However, they were very far away, almost like a dream. They were well faded into the background. That was the only thing different this time. I had once again appeared in that strange place that isn't a place.

Morkar had apparently given me a little knowledge about the place. For example, I knew that a body wasn't required here, but since I was so used to having one, I did. Time did apparently pass here, but at what speed, I have no idea. It could be going backwards for all I know. Also there was no ground. I had just been used to their being something underneath me, that a ground had been there. There actually isn't anything in that place, but everything can be.

Honestly, it's probably better to just ignore this entire place, or non-place. Trying to understand it is like trying to not understand it. I hadn't been there long, or maybe I had been, when a voice spoke out to me.

"Well done. I personally thought you would fail."

Damn, "Well well, disembodied voice guy. I thought I killed you."

"Oh you did, congrats by the way. No I'm simply using the last of my power to speak with you here in the stream."

"You're taking your defeat very well."

"Well, I was hoping you would win."

"Alright, in less than 5 sentences, you confused me."

"Let me explain then. You know about Fate and it splitting up to form us regulators correct?"

"Ya."

"Well I happen to be the regulator that was assigned to your Earth."

"I knew that already."

"Yes well, I have watched your Earth since it came into existence. I watched the early man struggle and fight to survive, to become the man who fights just because he knows no other way. Early man didn't have a lot of resources, so he had to fight to survive. However, recently on Earth there is plentiful resource to go around, but man has fought for too long, and doesn't know how to stop."

"And this is important because?"

"It's not really. Anyways, I happen to be a piece of the original Fate that was against controlling existence. Like a person who splits their personalities, I was the 'outcast' so to speak."

"Then why did you fight me?"

"All in good time. Anyways, it wasn't like I was going to fight all the other pieces of myself, so I watched your planet. I saw the potential in many of the people to become free. I knew that it would be a soul that would take us on, so I waited. Eventually you came along, and I was interested. You got away before I could stop you, and managed to find a place where it took me quite some time to get to you. Even when I did you were able to defeat me."

"So this was all a test?"

"Yes and no. I was testing you, but with the real deal. First with your new body, after all if you couldn't adapt to new bodies then you would be of limited use. You proved to me that you can adapt and even engage with other intelligent beings of other species. However, you failed to uh… copulate with one of them, but in time I'm sure you would've."

"I'm not so sure…."

"Nonsense, next was your ability to deal with issues that didn't make sense, as is often found in existence. I'm not sure it is a good thing that you passed so easily. After that I had to test your actual fighting ability, which could use some work. You're lucky Morkar offered you his knowledge, but that is a resource to use in a fight."

"Huh, I thought you were going to call me a cheater."

"There isn't such a thing as cheating, only taking the advantage. Finally I had to make sure you were determined to finish this. I gave you a choice, and you proved to me that you can and will take the fight to the regulators. You proved that you are either the stupidest soul in existence, or that you will finish this fight. You proved to me that you really are an Immortal Spirit."

"Well… Thanks? I still don't like you. I mean, you did kill me."

"Incorrect. Your body is still alive, not surprising as Morkar was there to clean up. Can you feel things, that are like distant memories?"

"Actually ya I can."

"I would like to explain more thoroughly, but my power is running out. Now I have a question to ask you."

"Hmm?"

"What do you think happens when a soulless being dies?"

"Why would I know?"

"Just humor me."

"Well… Since you don't have a soul you wouldn't be able to reincarnate. Maybe you end up in a place like this, but you can't leave?"

"You don't want to say it do you? That I will cease to exist. It is alright, I am at peace with this, I have been ever since Fate split itself. However, I don't want to let this existence to go to waste. So I give you a gift. My knowledge about the universe, the stream, and even Fate. Use it well, or don't, I won't be around to see it."

With that the voice fell silent, and it felt weird to say it, but I felt it leave. I had a lot to think about, and apparently I had time to think about it. However, the sounds, and sights were becoming louder, and clearer. I could now make out voices, and a roof.
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I opened my eyes and took in a huge breath. I felt my stomach, and sighed when I didn't feel a huge hole there. I looked around myself and took in the surroundings. The very familiar surroundings actually. There were books everywhere, and the ceiling looked like the inside of a tree. I was in the library, laying down on the couch. Of course the couch had been expanded a little to fit my bigger form.

"Ah you're awake."

"Oh hi Morkar, care to explain why I'm not six feet under?"

"Well that's easy. I was going to let you die, but then all these mini horses,. Ahem, ponies kept trying to save you. I had been hoping to see if the rumors about a dying regulator taking a soul with it to wherever it goes were true, but I couldn't resist them. So here you are, safe and sound."

"Wait, you were going to possibly let me non-exist?"

"Oh no! I knew you would get out of it somehow, I was just curious. Anyways, we have some things to talk about."

"I already got one big load of information, can't this wait?"

"No. Now first things first, I will take my knowledge back."

He put his hands on my head and light glowed. I felt like a foreign part of my mind was being sucked away, not comfortable.

"One question before we start, how long was I out?"

"Three days and about an hour or so. Now then back to business. What are your plans from here? Do you have any idea of what your next move is from here?"

"Um… No?"

"I thought so. I have done the planning for you. First you will need to find a man named Jarvel (Pronounced with a Y). He will be helpful in this suicidal mission of yours. Last I heard he was seen in Acrium, my home world."

Morkar and I talked a long time about how to take the fight to them, and in the end I just listened to him. I didn't know enough right now to be making big decisions. I didn't even know how to fight yet. Apparently that was something I was going to pick up in Acrium, wherever that is, as well. Morkar gave me quite a few books to read and learn from. However, before that, there was a place I needed to visit.

Morkar left me after a little while and I was alone. The regulator of Earth, who still didn't have a name, had said he would give me information, but I didn't feel like I knew any of it. I could worry about that later, I had some things to do.
Apparently, most of the mares were at Sugarcube corner as I was laid out in the library. I got many odd looks as I walked outside, but apparently word had spread that two humans had arrived. I didn't really want to talk to the mares, but it had to be done.

I walked inside, the bells ringing as I did so. Mrs. Cake arrived at the front counter quickly, ad looked me over.

"Oh, it's you. The girls are upstairs in Pinkie's room."

"Alright then."

"Leave the door open."

"Really? First off I'm not even the same species, so that would be just wrong. Secondly, there are six of them, I don't think a sevensome would go over well."

With that awkward statement, I walked up the stairs behind the counter. It was low, so I was stooping as to avoid hitting my head. I opened the door to Pinkie's room to find that I had been wrong. Only Pinkie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack were there.

"Well a fivesome is still out of the question."

They all looked over at me, looked back, and then looked at me again. I was met with mixed responses. Pinkie slammed into me, giving me an awkward hug, saying

"Silver! Oh my gosh you're alright! I mean I knew you would be, but that was so scary!"

Applejack stayed where she was, and just smiled at me. Rarity walked over to me and whispered in my ear, "I think you should still do it."

Finally, Rainbow dash flew in front of my face and said, "Looks like I'm back to being the fastest flier in Equestria, seeing as you're no longer a flier."

It's true, my wings were gone, "Don't start that. I'll put you on my shoulder, and tell everyone you're an exotic parrot."

"As if anyone would believe that."

"You talk enough to make it convincing."

"Hush there you two. Ah think we would all like an explanation of what happened."

Well there it was. I guess I would have to tell them, and let them tell the others.

"Where to start…"

"Ah reckon the beginning is a good place."

I told them about the voice that had stopped me, and about Morkar's tower. I told them about the weird things going on, except Celestia, and about Morkar's warning. Basically all the things that I had ignored that turned out to be important. I explained to them about Morkar giving me his knowledge and what had happened after the fight. When I was done they simply sat there.

"I have one last thing to say to you, and this one is actually important."

"And the rest wasn't?"

"Well to you no, but this is. I'll be leaving soon, and I don't know when, if ever, I'll be back."

Several voices chorused out, "What?"

"There's something I have to do before I can relax. I made the choice when I turned back into a human. So I guess this is goodbye."

They stayed silent for a little bit, but Pinkie whose hair had deflated said, "So we won't have any more parties for you?"

I smiled at her, "Actually I was hoping you could do a going away party for me."

She somewhat poofed out, and a little bit of a hop came back into her, "Of course I can, I mean, I am the party pony."

"I guess that means this isn't our final goodbye then. I'll see you all later then."

I walked out of the room, I still had a few to go. I still had to find Lunar and Twilight, then I should probably visit the guys. Well I knew where the guys would be, so them first. I walked the short distance to the house, and I knocked. Chance opened the door lazily, but his jaw dropped when he saw me,

"Uh…."

"It's me, Silver. Don't you recognize me?"

"Well… uh… no I don't. They said you had changed, but this is… wow…"

I walked inside to see Big Mac, Caramel, and Storm sitting around. They looked up at me, and nearly ran until Chance explained that I was Silver. I didn't bother explaining anything to them, but simply said that I would be leaving and I wasn't sure if I would come back. I got a varied response from them.

Big Mac didn't even flinch, and Storm nodded his head. Chance looked at me, as if to make sure I was okay. Caramel sighed and spoke up first,

"Those were the words I feared I would hear. I had hoped you would stay here, but I guess with those changes, you don't have much of a choice. I don't really understand where you're going, but I know it's far away. I just want to tell you, that if you ever come back, there's a place for you here."

Storm spoke next, "I expected as much. You may not be a Pegasus anymore, but you're still a wanderer. Maybe someday you'll tire of it like I did, but I feel that's a long way off."

Chance just shook his head, "Well if you're serious then I guess there's no stopping you. Just don't forget about us alright?"

Big Mac said nothing, and I turned to him, "No sappy goodbye from you?"

"What's the point? You'll be back soon."

Well he was confident. Then again soon in Big Mac's opinion could mean from now until a hundred years from now. I said a few final words, but I left quickly. I didn't like goodbyes. I would rather just leave in the night, but they didn't deserve that. Next I had to find Twilight and Lunar. After searching for quite a bit, I checked the balcony of the library. I could see them laying down on the padding that had once served as my bed.

"Hey guys."

Lunar didn't look at me, but Twilight said, "We know why you're here. Morkar told us."

"Ah… well… Time to get all that sappy stuff out of the way."

"I'm going with you."

Well that was unexpected, although in hindsight no it wasn't. I turned to look at Lunar and I said,

"No you're not. First of all you can't, secondly this is where you belong. You wanted to be here, so why leave?"

"Because we got here together, so why not go everywhere else together?"

"Because you don't want to. I know that I'm a pretty big part of this place, but you didn't come here for me. Stay here and enjoy life, if you come with me, you won't. Someday I might come back, but I don't know for sure."

Lunar stayed silent, but Twilight said, "I guess this really is goodbye then."

"Nonsense, we still have a party don't we? I'll see you guys there."

I'm was getting tired of these goodbyes, they made me sad. Well only one pony left now anyway. I found her by her house, sitting on the snowy grass. I thought about what Rarity had said, and I debated over it for awhile. In the end I decided to go with it. Maybe it was wrong since I wasn't that pony anymore, but I wanted to hold on to this last piece of this world, and if I did come back, then somepony would be waiting for me. I approached Fluttershy with the ring in my hand, but she spoke before I could say anything.

She didn't turn to face me, but kept looking forward. "I know what you're going to ask, but I don't know how to answer."

My grip tightened on the ring as she continued, "There used to be this feeling whenever I looked at you, but it's not there anymore. I don't know if it's what kept this relationship going. I think… I just need time to sort out my feelings. I'm not sure if all of this was fake, or if it was all real. So my answer is… no."

She said the last word in a barely audible whisper, but I still heard it. I had known this was going to happen, it was obvious when I had chosen to become human. Even before that I had known, when Morkar explained to me what was going on. So why did it still hurt? She hadn't turned to face me, and I'm glad she didn't. She didn't see the single tear that fell, or me clutching my hand so hard that the ring bent. I dropped the ring in the snow, and I walked away. Leaving the last bit of peace that I had known as well.

I really do hate goodbyes.
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