Finding Artemis

Sometimes I wonder if there really is a God, or some other sort of deity, out there, somewhere, laughing at us, its poor, hapless creations. The Protestants talk about a loving, just deity, the Catholics a hardass who'll set you on fire for eternity for just jerking off, the Islamists...yeah, let's not even try to talk about that particular can of worms. The point is, if there really is some sort of god(s), I really wish I could walk up to it/them and give them a swift kick to their genitals. Or whatever they'd have. Because super cosmic beings don't have to conform to our perception of reality and I'm going off on a mental tangent because I have no idea what's even going on anymore. All I know is that there's a lingering smell of smoke, mixed with ozone and burnt hair, while a pair of colorful, almost cartoonish, ponies blink at me owlishly.

"What the hell just happened?" I ask dazedly, trying to blink the spots away while Cadance and Shining Armor exchange worried glances.

"Well, um, we were trying to teach you how to access your magic without relying on the methods taught to you by Nightmare Moon by having you construct a simple spell matrix," Cadance explains, which is good, because my memory of what led to me feeling like someone had tried to pull my brain out through my nose is a little fuzzy at the moment. "But when you closed the circuit it...exploded."

"That's not supposed to happen," I postulate, looking to Shining Armor for confirmation. "Right?"

"Yeah," he replies, the word sightly drawn out, as the pair again exchange a glance. "Maybe you ought to sit down. You're looking a little wobbly." That sounds like a great idea.

"Sure," I murmur, parking my flanks right down on the floor, taking a bit to try and clear my head. Okay, I know that a spell matrix doesn't just explode by itself. You either construct it incorrectly or you overload it, though someone could mess with it if they wanted to. Not only do I doubt either of the two ponies with me would do that, I also know I would have noticed. So why? I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and try to think. I feel things coming back into focus, thank fucking God for alicorn healing, and the memory of what happened slowly filters through the haze caused by my little mishap.

0o0o0o0o0o0

I'd followed Shining Armor into the room, some sort of study that had been cleared out so I could practice without being disturbed. Cadance was waiting for us, of course. No surprise there, given she's my parole officer, so to speak. She smiled but it wasn't directed at me, her eyes on Shining Armor with him smiling right back. I'd seen that look often enough on the faces of others back on Earth to recognize it; this was a couple that had only recently fallen in love. I've heard new love is...well, amazing. Like you can do anything, so long as you're with the person you love. I remember experiencing a twinge of envy and immediately shaking it off. That is never going to happen for me, I reasoned. No woman, mare, whatever, deserves to have to deal with the sort of baggage I drag around all the time. I let them give each other goo-goo eyes for a few moments more and cleared my throat.

"Not that the two of you aren't simply precious," I drawled, which caused them both to blush, "but I'm here to learn how to use magic. Again." A twisting feeling in the pit of my gut. The humiliation of being forced to learn things as if I'm just some helpless child...even remembering the feeling brings on a flare of frustration. No, focus on the memory, just let it go.

"Right." Shining Armor turned from Cadance and cleared his throat, trying to act as if he hadn't just been all head over heels a few seconds before. "Now, from what I've been told, I understand that you don't need a remedial lesson in levitation, but in almost every other field you only know how to access your magic by relying on fear, anger and hate. That about right?"

"Yeah," I had replied stiffly, not comfortable admitting to a failing, even if it's not my fault. "Nightmare wanted a weapon. She got one."

"Right, of course." Shining Armor shifted uncomfortably and I had wondered if it bothered him to think about the fact he's teaching a reformed psychotic murderer how to use his magic. Can't say I'd blame him if that had been the case. "We need a way to get you to access it. Frankly this isn't a problem that comes up all that often, as most unicorns learn to use magic instinctively when they're still foals." That had made me grind my teeth, the reminder that I'm now less competent than a baby bringing a familiar burning feeling to life inside my chest. "Look, I'm not going to tell you not to feel frustrated or embarrassed. You weren't born with the ability to use magic, which is probably one of the reasons Nightmare taught you how to access it the way she did." This brought my self-flagellation to a halt.

"Explain," I grunted out, having been morbidly curious.

"Dark magic comes to the wielder easier than normal methods," Shining Armor explained. "The rush of adrenaline brought on by fear and anger, the instinct to survive, to defend yourself? It's far simpler to just react than it is to consciously construct a spell and make it behave in the way you want it to." Made sense. Still does, now that I think about it. "Levitation is by far the most basic of magic, as you need only focus on an object and will it to move. But, say, you want to create a shield." A dome of pink energy appeared around him for a few moments before he had let the spell unravel. "You have to think about what you want kept out, what you want inside it, how strong the shield is...well, you get the idea." I gave him a nod to show him that I had understood the explanation. "I want to try and see if you can tap into your magic with a simple exercise." I was then presented with a piece of chalk. "You know how to construct a spell matrix, right?"

"Of course," I had scoffed, taking the chalk and giving it a little twirl for effect. "What sort of matrix do you have in mind?"

"Just give me a basic containment circle," Shining had instructed. "Remember to relax and don't try to force it. If you start using dark magic, though, Cadance will activate the nullification feature of your collar. So try and not to get frustrated or something, alright?"

"I think I can handle something as simple as a basic circle, Captain," I replied gruffly, gaze falling to the floor, the chalk pressing against the polished wood as I began to draw. The memory jerks and I'm back on the moon, the freezing cold of space and the blazing heat of the sun on my back a distant counterpoint to the voice in my mind.

I told you to FOCUS! She screams at me, the rock I'd been using briefly falling from my grasp. I do not care that you are tired, Artemis. We need to finish the array before the alignment!

"I know," I reply, teeth gritting together as the rock shakes along its path as I continue to construct the matrix. "Only one chance, just one."

Then do it correctly, you incompetent imbecile!

"Maybe if you'd stop shouting-"

Do not make excuses to me, human!

"I told you to stop calling me 'human'!" I snap, the rock snapping in half as I bear down on it harder. "I have a name!"

A name that I gave you, you useless foal. I start trembling, teeth bared in a snarl. Whatever is the matter, my prince? Are you going to cry?

"SHUT UP, NIGHTMARE!"

0o0o0o0o0o0

I awake from the memory with a start, my heart pounding and breath coming in short, ragged gasps. I see Shining Armor and Cadance, their mouths moving, but all I can hear is a high pitched whine that grows louder as my gasps turn into panting rasps. Panic attack, it's a panic attack, I need to calm down!

"I-I'm fine," I say, though I can't hear myself, shakily getting up and backing away from them both, which only makes them look worried. "I'm fine!" Shining Armor attempts to approach me, my ears folding back as the whine turns into a shriek in my ears. "I SAID I'M FINE!" My shout breaks through the panic, though I'm still panting, having been just about hyperventilating towards the end there. He flinches back, both of them staring at me in shock. I clench my teeth, gaze dropping to the floor. I've done it again. Why? Why does she still have to haunt me?!

"Artemis, please, calm down," Cadance urges me, voice gentle, soothing, yet I shake my head and back further away. I know why the matrix exploded. The flashback, it disrupted my work, a flood of rage overloading it. Can I ever use magic safely? Should I even try? "Look, why don't we take a break? I'll have tea brought up and we can-"

"No!" I snap, only to wince. "No." There, more civil. Breathe, Artemis, just breathe. "I should...I have to...I need air." I turn and leave the room before they can say anything more.

0o0o0o0o0o0

The door shuts and the sound of running hoof beats can be heard briefly before they trail off, Shining Armor turning to Cadance, expression a mix of worried and alarmed. Hers bears one of sympathy, the mare having reached out with her unique brand of magic and tried to sense what was going on with the obviously troubled Artemis. It hadn't been pretty to say the least.

"Did you see his eyes?" Shining Armor asks, a shiver running through him briefly. "So that's what they looked like back then." He calms himself, expression turning serious. "Should we go after him?"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Cadance tells him, his head tilting ever so slightly as a result. "He's hurting, Shiny, and scared." She shakes her head, a sigh escaping her after a moment. "I can see why Auntie wanted me to be the one to watch over him now."

"So what do we do, Cadie?" Shining Armor glances towards the door. "You're the one in charge of his case, so it's your call."

"For now we wait. With how defensive he is, following him will only end up making things worse." Cadance starts towards the door. "I just hope he won't try to do anything rash."

0o0o0o0o0o0

Once the door is shut I break into a run, racing down the hall, eyes casting about for some means of escape. I need to get out, this place just feels too small! Damn it, I'm fucking claustrophobic now, I hate this! There, a door. I burst through it, startling a servant, though I don't pay them any attention. Keep going till you see daylight! I take turns at random, eventually coming across a set of doors I don't recognize. I don't even hesitate, pouring on the speed and hit it hard enough to knock one of them off a hinge. Fuck it, I'll fix it later, what matters is there's sunlight! I come to a stop on some kind of terrace, with stairs sweeping downwards on either side, a grand display of greenery before my eyes. Grass, trees, bushes, a hedge maze, some statues...a garden?

It doesn't matter to me, my eyes drifting shut as I take a deep breath. Crisp, clean air, the wind catching my mane and freeing it of its tie, my pulse slowing as I just bask in the wonderful scent of nature and the warmth of the sun. It's the one good thing Celestia contributes in my opinion. No, that's not fair. She might be infuriating and a hypocrite, but her ponies seem to be happy so she must be doing something right. Wow, me thinking something positive about Celestia? I must be going soft. I decide to open my eyes, letting my gaze travel over the gardens, able to hear animals out amidst the well kept grounds. Maybe taking a stroll through them will help? It's worth a shot, anyway, so I start heading down the right hand set of stairs. Birds sing, the wind blows and I allow myself to smile. I never really appreciated nature before. A thousand years surrounded by barren rock will do that to you, I guess.

I let myself wander, watching as a squirrel scurries into the bow of one of the trees, chuckling as it gazes down at me warily. Nothing to be scared of here, little guy. Just a monster taking a stroll, no big deal. My smile wilts slightly at that thought. Shake it off, Artemis. No point in feeling sorry for yourself. I quit smiling despite my efforts, though I resume my walk. Flowers, expertly sculpted hedges, statues of ponies and animals and...some mismatched creature I don't have a name for. Someone has some very odd tastes in art. I leave the odd piece of masonry behind and wander my way over to the entrance to the hedge maze. Should I try to find my way through it? I've never been much good at solving puzzles or traversing mazes. Still, what else do I have to do right now? Well, all sorts of things, itemized and scheduled for efficiency of time, but that's beside the point. Getting myself lost sounds oddly appealing right about now. Besides, if I can't find my way out I can just fly. Is that cheating? Maybe, but I also don't much care if that's really the case.

"How did it go?" I ponder aloud as I step past the threshold of the maze's entrance. "Hug the left hand wall? I think that was it." Of course, that only applies if this maze was constructed with any sort of logic in mind. "Worth trying at least." I trace one hoof along the hedge wall as I walk, the three legged gait taking a bit to get used to, but I manage. Then something happens that completely throws off my rhythm and almost sends me to the ground face first. A giggle, childish, playful, from around the next corner. Are children allowed into the castle gardens unattended? I doubt it, so the sound has me running to see. Yet there's nothing. The fuck? There it is again, behind me! I spin, catching sight of a flash of blue. There! I give chase, only to again find nothing. What the hell is going on here? Out of the corner of my eye, a flash of white and I don't hesitate, immediately running after it.

"Wait!" I call, this time able to see a foal, giggling as she races ahead of me. "What are you doing here? It's not-" I turn the next corner and she's gone. "Okay, that's creepy." A chill runs through me as I look around, something about all of this very wrong. Are there ghosts in Equestria? With magic, monsters and talking animals I wouldn't put it past this world to have ghosts and other such things.

"Artemis~" A child's voice, behind me. I catch a glimpse of a little filly, her coat color the same as mine, giggling at me before she runs down a branch of the maze.

"Not this time," I mutter, sick of this, whatever it is. I flap my wings, clearing the top of the wall and descending towards the filly.

"No fair flying!" She protests and suddenly my wings lock against my sides, sending me plummeting to the ground. She laughs and takes off, a growl escaping me as I push myself back up on my hooves.

"No fair using magic!" I find myself saying, though not by choice. "What the hell is this?"

"Come on, slow poke!" The taunting call has me running after the familiar looking filly, my legs moving almost of their own accord. I still have no idea what in God's name is happening, but I'm definitely going to find out. The filly leads me on a merry chase, somehow always staying just ahead of me, despite the fact I should have caught up to her easily. Eventually the maze lets out into an open area, a gazebo and a small, private garden. Only the children aren't waiting for me there. She is.

"You," I growl, Luna looking up from a book she'd been reading in surprise. "What kind of sick joke was that just now?"

"Artemis?" She looks and sounds confused, but I'm not buying it for a second. "We...I do not understand. What sort of jape dost thou speak of?"

"You're kidding, right?" There's that old time speech again. She'd spoken just fine on the moon, if a little formal in her articulation, so what the hell is this? "Those fillies just now didn't just appear from out of nowhere. And drop the Shakespearean talk, I'm not in the mood for it."

"Shakespeare? Fillies?" I grind my teeth as she continues to play dumb with me. "I do not know what thou may have seen, but 'twas not I that made it so." She stands from the bench she'd been sitting on, setting her book aside as she starts to approach me. "These young ones; how didst they appear?"

"One was white, the other...well, like us." Could she really not be the one behind it? But why else would I see such things? "They kept appearing and disappearing, leading me through to maze to you." I let out a soft snort. "Which is why I assumed that you were behind it."

"Did the white one have a mane the color of water lilies?" Well, technically a water lily can be multiple colors, but I'm assuming she means pink, so I nod in response. "I see." She closes her eyes and sighs tiredly. "You spoke of memories from mine past during thine trial. I believe that this hallucination is something that lingers from our time as a single being as well."

"This was a bit more than flashes of images or sounds, Luna," I point out. "They looked real and one even used magic on me, or seemed to anyway."

"Tis simply a theory," she reminds me. "Magic and the mind can play tricks upon the senses in ways that seem all too real at times. I know this fact far better than most." She offers me a shrug, the movement oddly graceful looking, especially from a quadruped. "I do not know what else may have brought such illusions to thee otherwise."

"Say I believe it's just my fucked up mind pulling a fast one on me," I begin, though my tone betrays the fact I'm not sure I believe it. "Why now? Why you and Celestia as children?"

"When we were still but fillies, Celestia and I lived in a place with beautiful gardens such as these," Luna replies, head turning so she can take it all in. "'Twas a much simpler time. I am not surprised mine sister attempted to recreate it." She gestures to the gazebo. "This is almost an exact replica of the one where we played as foals. When we were but innocent youths and had yet to bear the burden of rule." Another sigh, this one more weary than the last. "I sometimes wish...but no, such is impossible. Time cannot be reversed."

"Are we done with the pity party?" My tone is biting but I don't care. I don't want to hear about what life was like when they were kids and I sure as fuck don't need to hear Luna's sob story about having to bear the weight of the crown and all that rubbish. "Or are you gonna break into song and do a dance routine next?"

"Thou art a truly strange pony, Artemis," Luna says, seemingly unfazed by my biting words. "Then again, thou art not truly a pony in spirit." She hesitates briefly. "There is something I have been meaning to speak with thee about, if thou dost possess the time to indulge me."

"What now?" Though, honestly, do I have anything better to do right now? No, not really, but do I want to hear her out when I could be doing just about anything else? "You know what? Fine, but make it quick." I really am crazy if I'm willing to let her talk. What could she possibly have to say to me after all she did?

"I will not waste time attempting to apologize. It would not do either of us any good, nor wouldst thou likely be willing to accept it regardless." Damn straight. "However, I have wronged thee in ways that bring me grief to recall. I had allowed myself to drown in jealousy and hatred for so long that all I cared about was getting mine precious revenge." I grit my teeth and hold my tongue for the time being. What I really want to do is shout at her, just let her have it, but would that fix things? Would it undo the past? No. Damn it, I hate this. "I do not know if I can ever make amends. Perhaps such is but an impossible dream, yet I simply cannot leave this be any longer." She manifests her sword and kneels, leaving me to stare at her in shock. "To thee I doth make a vow, mine brother. Call if thou hast need of me. Ask what thou wouldst of me. Mine sword, mine service and mine life art thine to do with as thou pleases." And she offers the hilt of her sword to me, head bowed as she awaits my response.

What do I say? What do I do? Despite myself I can tell this is serious, the weight of her vow settling onto my shoulders and causing me to swallow thickly. Why? I have to know.

"Why?" I ask, gaze locked on the hilt of her weapon. "Why do this? If this is another-"

"No tricks, no deceptions," she tells me, head still bowed to me. "I have made a vow and, if thou doth wish it, I would give mine life for thee." My heart skips a beat and I find myself accepting the hilt, Luna remaining kneeling, completely vulnerable. Her sword, expertly crafted, its edge razor sharp...I could take her head in a single stroke if I wished. Yet she waits, her guard down, for what I decide to do next. It would be so easy. One stroke and I could make her pay the ultimate price for everything she's ever done to me. All the pain, the lies, she would die and I would finally be free of her forever! I find myself raising the sword, teeth bared in a snarl, my heartbeat pounding in my ears as my gaze focuses on the back of her neck.

No. As much as we both deserve it, I can't just kill her like this. So I lower the sword, eyes squeezed shut as I start to tremble slightly. Damn her and damn me, too. Why couldn't she have made this easy? I could have handled her being an evil bitch! But this? Humble, offering me her life without even a struggle? It's too fucking much!

"Oh, for fuck's sake, get up!" I snap and turn away, not wanting her to see the tears gathering in my eyes. "I don't want your life, damn it. I'll accept your stupid vow, so just stop kneeling to me already." I hear her moving, likely to stand. "This doesn't change anything between us, you hear me? I still hate you!"

"I know," she replies solemnly, the tears starting to flow now. Fucking God damn her for doing this to me! Why does my chest hurt? I hate this! "I will honor mine vow, brother. You need only call my name and I shalt answer the call."

"Artemis!" Cadance? Christ, how long have I been out here? "Artemis, if you're out here then answer me!"

"Thou must take thine leave of me," Luna instructs. "Thine gaoler calls for thee and thou must not keep her waiting."

"Yeah...yeah, I should go." I plant her sword in the ground and start walking, relieved to be able to leave. I don't run, not wanting her to catch on, but I do take to the air after a few moments, eyes scanning for Cadance once I'm clear of the hedge maze. "And stop calling me your brother." I'm gone before she can reply, rubbing my eyes so Cadance doesn't see that I've been crying. The last thing I need right now is for her to start asking awkward questions.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Luna watches as Artemis flies away, her gaze lingering upon him until he is no longer in sight. So much pain contained within a single pony, pain that she had caused. It makes her heart ache to see him hide behind a veil of anger, yet she knows better. They are more alike than he would ever admit and she, better than anypony, is able to recognize when somepony else is trying to hide how much something hurts them. She sighs at the thought, willing her sword to return to its storage pocket and wonders if she'll ever be able to atone. This, she feels, was a good first step if nothing else. Now it would be up to Artemis to decide if he wished to take the next. For now, however, all she can do is wait. Now, where had she been? Oh, yes, catching up on modern tax law. Joy.

"Mine sister is truly a slave driver," she groans before returning to her dry, dreadfully dull book. "I almost wish Artemis had decided to take mine head. Then, at least, I would not have to deal with such inane bureaucracy."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"I'm of half a mind to restrict you to the palace!" Cadance berates me, making me feel like a misbehaving child rather than what is, essentially, a demigod in this world. "Do you have any idea how worried we were after you didn't come back?"

"Well, you were the one that let me go in the first place," I feel the need to remind her and I see Shining Armor wince as a result out of the corner of my eye. Cadance's glare is definitely not something I like being on the other end of and she's giving me one hell of a stare down right this moment.

"I let you go because you obviously needed some space," Cadance tells me tartly. "How would you have reacted if we'd tried to stop you after having an episode like that?" I paw at the grass with one hoof, wondering what, exactly, is going on here. "When you didn't come back and nopony knew where you were...Faust, we were worried you'd done something foolish."

"Like killing myself?" I shake my head. "No. But, seriously, you were worried? About me?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Shining Armor, of all ponies, asks. I stare at him, utterly dumbfounded. "Hey, come on, I might not like you, but I don't want you to die, either." He glances away briefly. "I think you're crude, dangerous and a major security risk but you're also a victim." He sighs. "I'm also sorry for, you know, giving you that lesson. It was stupid of me and I should have known better." Is today just completely crazy or am I on some sort of truly epic trip here? "You're suffering from a serious case of PTSD and having you do that exercise must have triggered it."

"Damn, Armor, tone down the mush," I say gruffly, feeling distinctly uncomfortable at the moment. "It was a mistake and I should have known better, too." I shift my weight slightly. "So can you go back to being a standoffish prick already? I know how to respond to that, at least."

"Flankhole," Shining Armor jabs in response, though he's smiling slightly.

"Douchebag," I return it, catching the sight of Cadance rolling her eyes at us in my peripheral vision.

"Males."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"Do you have sight of the subject?" A pair of pegasi sit on one of the clouds drifting through the sky above Canterlot, one of them holding a pair of binoculars they're using to scan the ground below with.

"Yes." The pegasus with the binoculars leans over the edge of the cloud slightly. "He is speaking with the guard captain and pink princess. No sign of the other two princesses at this time."

"Keep an eye on them," the other pegasus instructs, keeping an eye out for any sign that they've been spotted. "We might not have long here before one of the guards spots us."

"Understood." The first pegasus looks up from the binoculars briefly. "Why do you think our queen is so interested in this pony? Shouldn't we be preparing to strike their hive?"

"Do not question Queen Chrysalis's orders," the second snaps, though his attention remains on maintaining a constant vigil, just in case. "Her reasons are not for us to understand."

"What do you think happened to the Destroyer?" The first asks as he goes back to observing those below. "Did the Sun Princess destroy it with the attack that shattered the Hive Spire?"

"Hard to say." The second glances towards the ground below briefly. "I have heard their battle was brutal and that the very sky shook with their fury. Such a foe as to fight on even ground with the Sun Princess is not one to underestimate."

"Then why waste time here?" The first shifts uncomfortably. "I do not wish to question our Queen, but this does not make sense to me."

"She must have some plan in mind," the second offers. "Now be still and quiet. A patrol is coming this way."

0o0o0o0o0o0

Another day, another night of little sleep, only to have to suffer through an early start to the next. I really am glad these ponies have coffee, otherwise trying to function on only a few hours of worthwhile sleep would be a bitch. I crawl out of bed, stumble into the bathroom to take care of my morning business and catch sight of myself in the mirror. Christ, I look like a complete mess. My mane is all over the place, my eyes have bags the size of sand dollars under them and my wings look in rough shape. I give one a flap, grimacing as several feathers come loose and flutter to the floor. Am I molting? Do alicorns molt? I don't think I've ever learned proper hygiene beyond the obvious. Is this something I should talk to a doctor about? And there's Cadance knocking at the door already. I haven't even had the chance to shower yet.

"It's open!" I call, the bathroom door open enough for the sound to carry to her. "You're here early," I remark as I hear the door open and the sound of hoofsteps as she comes inside. "Give me a chance to clean up and we can talk over breakfast."

"Thank you for the offer, Artemis, but I have already eaten this morning." That is NOT Cadance. I stick my head out the door, eyes widening at the sight of Celestia standing in the middle of my disorganized mess of a room. Well, if I wasn't awake before then I definitely am now. "If this is a bad time I can always return once you have a chance to collect yourself." I blink at her stupidly and she stands there, smiling that motherly, infuriating smile, and I'm still just staring at her like a complete idiot!

"Uh...hi?" Oh, great start, dumbass. "W-what are you doing here?" God, was she always so fucking tall? Oh, right, I shrunk.

"Is it so odd that I would come to see my little brother?" Mischief is in her eyes and I give her the look that smartass comment deserves. "Truthfully I wished to see how you were adjusting to things here in the palace."

"What, does Cadance not give you daily reports?" I ask, slipping back into the bathroom to start cleaning myself up, making sure the door is closed enough that we can talk but not enough so she can see inside. Casual nudity or not, I'd like at least some privacy while doing something like this.

"Oh, of course she does." Of course, why did I even bother asking? "But there is only so much you can learn from reading a report."

"Uh huh." I start up the shower. "So, what then? Is this some sort of social call?"

"It can be, if you like." I roll my eyes at her response. "I understand you've taken a liking to the dark roast blend we keep in stock. Shall I have a pot brought in while you finish up?"

"Do whatever you want, princess," I reply, stepping into the shower once the water is at a temperature I like. "It's your castle."

"True, but it is your home now as well." I only half pay attention as I wash up. "Are you comfortable here? Is there anything you need to make your room more to your liking?"

"The room is fine," I reply impatiently, scrubbing shampoo into my mane furiously. Jesus, she's starting to sound like my mother. "I'm trying to finish up, here, so if you don't mind could you let me get back to it?"

"Of course." She sounds amused. "I shall have coffee and tea brought in, then, if it pleases you."

"Whatever," I grumble, rinsing my head, the rush of water drowning out every other sound as it cascades over me. What is she even doing here? Is this some kind of attempt for us to get to know each other or something? It would certainly explain the almost complete 180 in attitude from when she introduced me as her brother. Crafty old bitch. Well, joke's on her, I'm not gonna let her manipulate me like that. I finish up and use a quick little burst of power to dry myself, already starting to brush out my mane when I step out into my room. When I do, however, I am again left staring at what I see. My room is somehow spotless, the bed neatly made and the drapes drawn to let in a healthy amount of sunlight. I wasn't in there nearly long enough, so how did...why did...I have so many questions!

"Is something the matter?" I don't reply, eyes taking in the somehow sparkling room, brush still half raised as I stand there, staring numbly. "Oh, yes, well, it was just such a mess. I couldn't help myself." Celestia's a neat freak. Great. "Is that a problem? I could always-"

"No, do what you want," I reply abruptly, shaking it off and going back to brushing my mane, wincing as I hit a nasty tangle, having to yank it out and start again. "Saves the maid the trouble, I guess." I feel the brush suddenly tugged from my telekinetic grip. "Hey, I was using that!" Celestia merely smiles and takes a seat on my bed, patting the space between her hind legs as she holds up the brush.

"Sit," she urges me, and I can't help but stare at her. What the hell is going on? What kind of surreal nightmare have I woken up to that Celestia, of all ponies, is offering to brush my mane? "Artemis, stop looking at me like I just sprouted a second head and sit down. Please." I really must be dreaming and, if so, what could it hurt? I walk over and sit where she indicated, tense and awkward as she begins brushing out my mane. "So tense. I can't say I blame you, given our history."

"Yeah, so what's this about?" I ask before I can stop myself. "If you're trying to help me relax then you're doing the exact opposite."

"Ponies are very social creatures, Artemis," she informs me, gently working out a knot before continuing her work. "I know next to nothing about your species of birth, but you're going to have to adjust to our way of life if you wish to make any progress." I suppose that's a fair point. "You might have noticed certain aspects of this from your interactions with Cadance and Shining Armor."

"I just figured that they're so touchy feely with each other due to the fact they're dating," I remark dryly. "Are you saying that's normal for you ponies or what?"

"Perhaps not to the extent that those two are affectionate, but yes," Celestia replies, sounding rather amused. "We were herd animals back before we first learned to speak, or so our historians and archeologists theorize, so is it really so surprising?"

"Well, sorry, but humans aren't nearly so...comfortable with physical contact." Emphasized by the fact I keep flinching whenever the brush touches my "scalp", but I can't seem to help it. "Are you done yet?"

"Almost," she says, again, sounding strangely amused. "I can't help noticing that your wings, well, frankly they're a mess."

"What am I supposed to do about it?" I ask, annoyed and uncomfortable, not a good combination. "The cleansing spell I learned doesn't fix it."

"...has no one spoken to you about proper wing hygiene?" Celestia asks me, for the first time sounding hesitant. Okay, that makes me feel even more nervous than I already was before.

"There's such a thing as proper wing hygiene?" I ask, looking back at her, seeing her carefully crafted "Princess" face as she blinks at me. "What?"

"Artemis, preening is an important part of wing care," she tells me, setting the brush aside. "I would have expected somepony to speak with you about it by now."

"It's not like anyone knows how ignorant I really am," I point out. "The castle staff probably think I know stuff like this already."

"Of course." She takes a breath and lets it out slowly. "Well, there are several books on the subject that I could-"

"Celestia, I'm still having trouble reading 'Ringer the Unicorn' and 'See Spot Run'," I remind her, though admitting it to her aloud hurts my pride immensely. "Do you really think I can understand something as advanced as what you're suggesting?"

"Oh dear." She closes her eyes, maybe counting to ten, before pasting on a smile. "Well, I suppose I could...teach you if you like."

"Sure, go right ahead," I respond without hesitation, her expression wilting as a result. "Okay, what's the matter now?"

"Nothing," she says, a little too quickly for my liking. "Just spread your wings and sit still, alright?"

"Uh...okay?" I turn my head so I'm facing forward once more and do as she asked, waiting as patiently as I can. I let out a squeak as I feel the soft warmth of something against my left wing, the feeling of lips and teeth gently nibbling at my feathers causing my cheeks to flush and a tingle to run the length of my spine. "W-w-what the heck are you doing?!"

"Just be quiet and allow me to work in silence," she says imperiously, my back going ramrod straight out of instinct at her sudden shift in tone. "This is awkward enough as it is." I say nothing, cheeks still flushed as she goes back to work, my body twitching and my teeth grinding together to keep any more embarrassing noises from escaping me. What the hell is going on right now?! She's just helping me learn how to fix my wings and-oh, God, no! No, no, no, bad body, bad body! And she's just working on the one wing! Christ, can this get any worse?

"Auntie, I brought the tea and coffee," I hear Cadance's voice as the door starts to open, my face burning hot.

"No, don't come in!" I shout, my voice cracking as I lay myself flat on the bed to hide my...problem from sight. I can't help letting out a yelp as this causes Celestia to yank out a couple feathers harder than she likely intended.

"Don't be so dramatic, I'm just-" Cadance freezes as she steps in far enough to see us, eyes widening. My face is likely beat red and I'm lying on the bed with Celestia leaning over me with my feathers in her mouth. Kill me now. "A-Auntie!"

"What?" She asks casually, having just spit the feathers out. "I'm simply helping my little brother preen." And she goes right back to it, the heat of her body making me squirm as she has to lean closer to do it. "Is there something wrong with that?" I let out a squeak as she licks a few feathers back into place. And there's Shining Armor, having just followed Cadance in. That's it, I'm done.

"Get the fuck out of my room!" It's less the roaring shout I wanted and more a shrill demand. "And cut that out, I get the idea already!"

"You know you've turned a rather fetching shade of red," Celestia remarks teasingly, though she does get off the bed. "Shall I leave you alone while you...ahem, finish freshening up?" The way she said that, she knows I'm-God damn it, I hate this stupid pony body right now!

"I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!" My fierce shout causes Celestia to chuckle as she moves to depart, casting one last look, full of impish mischief, my way before she opens the door.

"Such a loving younger brother."

"FUCK YOU!"

0o0o0o0o0o0

A pair of servants, off to other parts of the castle, stand out in the hall, staring at the now closed door, listening to the commotion going on in Prince Artemis's quarters. They stand there, stunned, at what they hear, exchanging a glance with one another just before the door opens and Princess Celestia walks out, looking rather pleased with herself. Not a good sign. She sees them, gives them a small nod, and departs, leaving the pair to wonder just what had really happened in there.

"I didn't see anything, did you?" The first asks, to which the second shakes her head. "Good, now let's get moving before something else happens." And they swiftly depart.

0o0o0o0o0o0

After that disaster of a morning I was quite happy to take another shower, this one ice cold, before officially starting my day. More lessons, though at least my reading skills are improving, and a session with Shining Armor, who looked just as awkward as I felt the entire time, before I took a break for lunch. I ate quickly, donned my disguise and met up with my escorts to begin my round of garbage picking in the park for the week. They seemed more subdued today, keeping their distance from me as they brought me to the park. I wonder why? A question for another time, I guess. The park was a little more crowded than I liked, but the ponies mostly ignore as I go about my work. Suits me just fine, really. I'm still no good at talking to them, when it comes right down to it. I'm just about finished when I go to stab a piece of crumpled paper, only for the breeze to kick up and carry it away.

"Son of a bitch," I curse, chasing after it. I'm not allowed to use magic except to move the poking stick, otherwise the job would be too easy. So I'm left to run the runaway piece of trash down, but when I'm just about ready to blast it out of the air it's snagged by the green glow of some pony's magic. I watch as it's brought down to earth, catching sight of an off-white unicorn mare with a lime green mane, chartreuse eyes, a Cutie Mark shaped like a cocoon with light streaming out as it opens and a smirk on her face.

"Lose something?" She asks, voice holding a teasing edge to it. I let out a sigh, relieved to not have to run after it but annoyed that I now have to thank her.

"Yeah, thanks," I say, reaching out to snatch it, only for it to jerk just out of reach. "Oh, ha ha. Give it here."

"Say please," she teases me again, holding it just out of reach. Great, a smartass.

"Please," I grunt out, holding my hoof out expectantly. She relents and lets me have it, the paper quickly stuffed into my bag. "Excuse me." I turn to go, only for her to fall into step beside me. "Did you want something?"

"Just curious about what you did to get garbage duty," she replies, tone still holding that odd edge of biting playfulness. "Did you sneak into the castle pantry?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," I say, which only serves to peak her interest.

"Oooo, something scandalous then," she purrs, sounding strangely pleased. "Walk in on Celestia preening then?" The word preening brings this morning back and I feel my cheeks heat up as a result. "Oh my goodness, did you seriously-?"

"No!" I swiftly deny it, stopping to confront her. "I didn't do anything like that!"

"Oh, of course you didn't," she says to placate me, though she obviously doesn't believe me. "So, stranger, what's your name?"

"Dusk Shade," I reply automatically, proceeding onward once more. "Now if you'll excuse-"

"I'm Nymphadora," she introduces herself without being prompted, interrupting me in the process. "I prefer Nymph, but," she winks at me saucily, "you can call me whatever you like~" Okay, mildly disturbed now.

"That's great, gotta go," I say abruptly, picking up the pace to lose her and it thankfully works, though she does get off a parting shot before I can make my escape.

"Catch you later, stud~"

0o0o0o0o0o0

Nymphadora watches "Dusk Shade" go, a smirk on her face as he heads over to a pair of "guards". Her eyes flash, her pupils shifting to slits for the briefest of moments as she licks her lips. So much negative energy...no wonder why her scouts had gotten so sick. She wasn't sure why he was out picking up garbage or why he was in disguise, but that was definitely the pony her dear children had dubbed the Destroyer. Artemis, prince of Equestria and one of the alicorns that had destroyed their home. She barely resists the urge to let out a hiss, deciding now would be a good time to leave for the time being. She would need to be careful with this one but she was certain, with time, that she could think of some way to worm her way into his guarded heart.

"And then these damnable ponies will pay," she hisses quietly, eyes changing again for a second as her emotions get the better of her. "No one, alicorn or otherwise, destroys my home and kills my children without paying the price."