Celestia sat within her office, eyes scanning over the document currently up for her to review, an amendment to the current trade laws, worded in such a way as to make one think that it would benefit everypony, yet she had been playing the game for far longer than any else could hope to claim. But she saw the subtle, elegant weaving of words for what it was; a way for those that have the most money to make even more of it at the expense of everypony else. She honestly wonders what they expect to gain from this, as it had never worked in the past either. Then again, this is the twentieth document she had been required to review in the past hour. Perhaps they hoped that fatigue would cloud her judgement?

"Not bloody likely," she mutters, stamping it as denied before adding it to the ever growing Out pile. And yet, despite her work, the In pile had yet to even begin to shrink. She'd once conducted a study, privately of course, to determine if paperwork could reproduce asexually. Sadly, she'd only confirmed that paperwork, no matter what her, admittedly biased, perceptions told her, was indeed quite incapable of cellular division. She gets up from her seat and paces to the window, staring out over the castle grounds, her horn lighting briefly to trace the location of Artemis's collar. It tells her that he is in the library, likely having another lesson in reading, perhaps even history or something similar. Even now she wonders if she made the right choice. She can't forget what he has done, even if he hadn't been in possession of all of his faculties. She still has nightmares of the climax of their battle, the ferocity he displayed, how brutally he had attacked her when she had been helpless to defend herself. It is a constant, conscious effort on her part to remind herself that he is just as much a victim as those he had hurt and killed, perhaps even more so.

So she had decided to interact with him in a much less formal setting, where she didn't have to be the wise, protective princess her subjects expected her to be. The results had been...surprising, to say the least. He had displayed an awkwardness, a vulnerability, that she had not anticipated. Perhaps it hadn't been the best idea to tease him, but goodness he had proved all too easy to fluster, especially when Cadance had walked in on her demonstrating to him how to preen. Had she gone a bit too far? Perhaps. Had the way he had flushed red and stammered the other day been worth it? Definitely. Still, she reminds herself, he remains quite unstable. Her niece's reports certainly suggest that he is in dire need of therapy, to say the least, so the princess of the sun makes a mental note to be more consistent in her interactions with him. Less teasing, more solid bedrock for him to lean on, perhaps? Of course, it will not be easy, and it will certainly take a great deal of time to earn his trust. Then again, she must first learn to trust him as well.

"And I'm not sure if I can," Celestia admits to herself quietly. She'd gotten a great deal of flak from Luna when she had told her sister her decision regarding his sentencing, the younger alicorn insisting that she be punished as well. Yet not only had Celestia not been eager to do so, as Luna is her only living blood relative, but what had she been supposed to do exactly? Artemis is serving what is essentially a non-sentence, at least in her own likely biased opinion, so what more could she do in Luna's case? Regardless, she had caved, if only a little, and even now Luna is taking care of the more tedious tasks Celestia would normally have to do herself. Artemis gets to do chores, Luna gets to do the more mind numbing side of the paperwork. Besides, if he proves himself to be a productive, stable member of society, Artemis's "sentence" can always be reviewed, perhaps even reduced.

"Princess Celestia?" A knock and the familiar voice of her secretary at her study door. "I have the proposed revisions to the education funding bill if you have time to look them over, your highness."

"And so duty once again comes to call," Celestia mutters, putting on her best, pleasantly neutral expression as she turns to face the door. "Let's see what those doddering foals on the council are trying to slip past me today."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"So, you going to share anything with me this time?" Nymphadora asks as I am, once again, cleaning up the park. I don't know why she's here, again, but up until now she'd been watching me ever since I got here today. I had hoped she would leave it at that, but here she is, bothering me for reasons I cannot even begin to fathom. "Or am I going to have to persuade you~?" And then there's this shit. I mean, seriously, who the fuck talks like that? I feel like I'm inside of a trashy romance novel, doomed to an eternity of cheesy, awkward lines for my sins. "Come on, don't make me beg. It can't be all that bad, can it?" You have no goddamn idea.

"Look, Nymph," I begin, going for nice and not succeeding all that well at it. "I'm not exactly allowed to fraternize while I'm working like this." And yet the guards are just standing over there, like she's invisible to them or something. What's up with that? "So if you don't mind, I'd like to get it over with for the day."

"Oh, fine," she says with a sigh, clearly disappointed. "Are you free this afternoon?" No, and why are you even asking? This mare is one hell of an odd duck, I must say.

"No, I have...things to do," I tell her, going back to work. "Now, please, I'd rather not get into any more trouble."

"I doubt talking to me will make any difference on that front, 'Dusk'," she says, her tone taking on an odd edge and, just for an instant, I feel like I'm about to be attacked. Then it passes and I'm left to wonder if I'm just imagining things or if I'm still bloody crazy despite the Elements. "I'll get you to tell me eventually." She gives my shoulder a light bump with hers, tail flicking my nose as she walks away. Christ, is she swaying her flanks at me? Unbelievable. "Until next time~"

"Strange mare," I mutter, turning to get back to it, only to yelp when I almost bump into Shining Armor, who's scrutinizing me closely. "Jesus, captain, way to just about give me a heart attack!" He can be more quiet than someone in plate armor has any right to be.

"Who was that?" He asks, tone serious and I roll my eyes.

"You can relax," I assure him, jabbing a soda can and stuffing it into my bag. "She's just some overly curious weirdo, nothing to be worried about."

"Really?" I nod, seeing his head turn so he can gaze at the mare that was in the distance. "She seemed...friendly."

"You have no idea," I groan in response to that little doozy of an understatement, beyond relieved that she's gone. "She just showed up one day last week, right at the end of my shift." I shrug as I continue to go about my business. "Then she showed up again today, just to talk to me." And flirt in the most corny, awkward way I've ever seen. "I mean, seriously, does she really have nothing better to do with her time?" It's then that I notice Shining Armor just staring at me in disbelief. "What?"

"Nothing," he lies, which irritates me if I'm being honest with myself. "Just don't let her distract you too much, alright? I kind of have to make sure you're on top of things, too, you know." Right, right, my second chaperone, as if one hadn't been enough. At least he isn't as pink. I know, mean of me to judge Cadance on her candy colored coat, but I'm a dick by nature. It's part of my charm. Trust me. Oh, God, I'm going off on another mental monologue! Quick, someone create a distraction!

"Captain!" Another member of the royal guard shows up as if on cue, which is kind of scary when I stop to think about it. "Sir, it's-" The guard hesitates when he notices Shining Armor isn't exactly alone. "Sir, I must speak with you in private. It's urgent." They move far enough away from me in order for me to be unable to hear them. Pfft, joke's on them. I'm a cheeky, unrepentantly curious bastard that just so happens to enjoy sticking my nose into things that aren't my concern. A quick little burst of magic directed at my ears and I hear them perfectly.

"Another victim?" Wait, victim? The fuck?

"Yes, sir," the guard replies gravely. "This one was found in their home by a relative in the same state as the others." No way. Does Canterlot have some sort of serial killer on the loose?

"You've secured the scene?" Again, the guard nods. "Good. I'll be there shortly." Oops, time to act inconspicuous. I deactivate the spell on my ears and whistle a jaunty little tune as I resume picking up after the careless laziness of others. "Dusk." I look up at the sound of my alias being used. "I have to go. Behave yourself, you hear?"

"Yes, dad," I reply with the appropriate amount of disdain his needless reminder deserves. Shining Armor doesn't even respond, which is even more worrying to me than the thought of some sort of pony killer being on the loose for some reason. I glance over at the guards, frowning as they again seem to not notice or even care about what's going on at the moment. The fuck is up with today?

0o0o0o0o0o0

Shining Armor stepped into the private residence of one Lemon Hearts, which makes this even more disturbing for him on a personal level. He remembers that Twilight went to school with a filly of the same name and hopes she is alright. For now he begins to study the crime scene, nothing appearing out of place or out of the ordinary beyond the sight of the tape used to section it off over the front door. Despite his best efforts he finds nothing, a scowl settling onto his face as he finishes in the victim's room. Other than the bed being unmade, there's no sign of a struggle of any kind.

"Just like the others," he mutters, resisting the urge to kick the nightstand in frustration. "What in bucking Tartarus is going on around here?" He goes back downstairs and heads outside, moving to speak with one of the guards that first responded to scene. "Report."

"Miss Lemon Hearts was found in her bedroom half an hour ago by her sister, a Miss Peppermint," the guard informs him, looking over notes he had taken regarding the case. "She was cool to the touch and unresponsive. Paramedics who arrived on the scene reported that her vitals, while weak, were stable. She's currently in the unexplained causes ward of Platinum Memorial Hospital and has yet to regain consciousness."

"Nor is she likely to, given the previous cases." Shining Armor curses under his breath. "Nothing unusual was found? Not even a hair sample that was out of place?" He grinds his teeth when the guard shakes his head, the white coated unicorn having to force himself to calm down. "Carry on, then." He made a note to check in at the hospital once he confirms that Artemis has returned from his rounds of public service. "None of this makes any Faust damned sense."

0o0o0o0o0o0

Much later, Chrysalis, queen of the Badlands hive, watches as another of her drones arrives, stopping at a pulsing green sack suspended from the ceiling of her temporary throne room. Ever since Celestia had, however inadvertently, destroyed their old hive, they'd been forced to hide in the wilds. It had only been fairly recently that they had moved into the woods below Canterlot and Chrysalis had kept her children hard at work ever since. The drone flies to the pod, which pulsates sickly at its approach. Once it is close enough, the drone exhales onto the surface of it, a pink mist flowing out of the changeling's mouth and into the strange structure, which grows ever so slightly in size. Chrysalis scowls, the pod not nearly large enough yet. They'd been storing stolen love energy for weeks now and soon it would be too dangerous to continue to harvest at the rate she had ordered her children to use. They need more. She needs more.

"But that damn brat of a prince remains as tightly guarded as ever," she hisses, baring her fangs in a show of irritation and frustration. "It's almost as if he is incapable of feeling love for anyone!" She had sensed only guilt, self loathing and a number of just as equally useless emotions to their cause. She'd been working to try and solve the puzzle of Artemis the Destroyer, the demon alicorn from the moon that had attacked Equestria nearly defeated the wretched Sun Princess, Celestia. "I wish he had succeeded in killing that bitch on the day our hive fell. At least then we would have one less alicorn to deal with when the time finally comes." If she could just figure out the key to gaining access to his love, then they would have an even greater source of power to draw from and take out a great threat to their plans in a single stroke!

"But it's like trying to draw out information from a wall," she growls, stepping down from her twisted throne and starting to pace before it. "He is so guarded and closed off that it is simply infuriating to get anything out of him that isn't snark or sarcasm!" She lets out a low hiss. "And none of my attempts to get him to relax are working! Am I taking the wrong approach? Is he even interested in mares?" She gasps. "What if he's attracted to stallions? Oh, by the First Egg, did I misread him?!" This could set the whole plan back weeks if it's true! "What can I do? Should I try approaching him as a stallion or stick to the original plan?"

"Um...your majesty?" A brave scout dares to approach her, its fellows, hiding in the shadows, taking a collective breath.

"WHAT?!" She snaps, glaring down at the scout, teeth bared in a vicious snarl. She looks ready to incinerate it on the spot, causing it to cower in abject terror.

"F-forgive me, your mercifulness," it stammers apologetically. "I-I would never dream to try telling you what to do. No 'ling would even dare think it!" It looks up at her, seeing her expression start to smooth out a bit. "B-but if I may offer a suggestion?"

"Proceed," Chrysalis instructs it after several long, tense moments of silence. Feeling slightly more confident now that it isn't about to be turned into a green stain on the floor, the changeling sits up and clears its throat.

"Your majesty, I am one of the scouts you instructed to observe the subject during our initial forays into the pony hive of Canterlot." It shivers as her eyes narrow impatiently. "The subject seems almost entirely uninterested in romantic pursuits, my queen. He may even prove to be asexual but, regardless, I would suggest taking a different approach." Chrysalis gestures for the scout to continue. "Perhaps, just perhaps, it would be easier if you approached the subject with the intent of becoming his friend instead? I mean, he seems to have none outside of the pink princess and the guard captain, and even they don't appear to be very close to him."

"Yes...yes, that may work," Chrysalis muses, the scout relaxing once her attention is no longer focused upon it. "If I become his friend, I could gain his confidence, perhaps even more if I play my cards right." She grins, a look of wicked eagerness filling her eyes as she imagines the prospects that earning The Destroyer's trust could open up to her. "You may take an extra ration of love today, my child." The scout bows and backs out of the throne room, obviously dismissed. "Being a pony's friend? This will require my utmost attention." She taps one hoof against the floor sharply, a pair of drones appearing from the shadows. "The usual source. I will need to know everything, so leave no stone unturned this time." They bow and swiftly depart. "Just you wait, Artemis." She smiles deviously. "I'll be the best friend you've ever had~"

0o0o0o0o0o0

Why do I suddenly feel so cold? It's still summer, for crying out loud! I shiver and glance around, thinking maybe there may have been a draft or something, but none of the library windows are open. So why? I really hope I'm not getting sick. What sort of super virus would it take to get an alicorn sick anyway? Best to not even think about it. I turn my attention back to the book in front of me, glad that a certain fussy instructor isn't here to badger me today. Cadance, however, is still here, staring at me, as if she's trying to figure out what makes me tick. Need to come up with something for your report to "Auntie" Celestia, little princess? At least she could be less obvious about it, because damn if it's not really fucking distracting.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," I say, tone biting as I've finally had enough of being studied like this. She's startled out of whatever trance she'd managed to put herself under, having the grace to appear embarrassed at least. "So, what's the matter? Did 'Auntie' Celestia want you to pick my brain or what?"

"Oh, no, that's not it at all," she assures me, though I of course have my doubts about how honest she's actually being with me. "I was just thinking about what I learned from Shining Armor today." Oh? Had he talked to her about whatever case he'd been called away to? Wait, why is she smiling like that? "I hear you were talking with a mare today." No. No, she can't possibly think...oh, God, she does.

"Okay, I'm going to stop you there," I say, closing the book, somehow doubting that I'll get any more reading done today. "I hardly even know this Nymphadora mare. She's just some crazy pony that's way too interested in how I got saddled with picking up trash in the park."

"So she's been just asking you questions about what landed you in hot water, that about right?" I sigh, as that's not entirely correct.

"Well, no," I mutter, shifting uncomfortably as Cadance's interest is immediately piqued. "She's asked about what I do when I'm not picking up trash, even tried to invite me to go with her someplace after I got off my shift." I shake my head slightly. "I take it your boytoy told you she's been flirting with me?" She nods, because of course he did. "I wouldn't even call it flirting. It's like she's doing what a child thinks flirting is supposed to be and it's kind of creeping me out." I roll my eyes when Cadance frowns at me. "You wouldn't believe some of the stuff she's said. It's the cheesiest schlock I've ever heard outside of a dime store romance novel."

"Maybe that's exactly what it is?" Que? "Hear me out for a minute. She could be trying to emulate what she's read, because she has no experience in such things outside of fiction." Okay, that could be possible I suppose. "She takes time out of her day to talk to a convicted criminal, even if he's just on probation, and to me that says a lot. I think she's definitely interested if she's willing to put in that sort of effort to even see you, let alone get you to open up to her."

"Oh, that's fucking fantastic," I groan, Cadance looking at me like I'd just sprouted a second head. "Cadance, I don't have time to deal with some mare that saw a stallion and thought it'd be a good idea to try and hook up with him just because he makes her lady bits tingle."

"Artemis!" Cadance gasps, shocked by my coarse speech. "Not only is that the most heartless, nasty thing I've ever heard, but you're also doing that poor mare a grave disservice by just dismissing her feelings out of hoof like that!" I look away, ears folding back as I realize I shouldn't have worded it quite that crudely. "Now I'm not saying you should pursue a relationship you're clearly not ready for, but at least try to be nicer to her." Her gaze turns pleading. "Please, Artemis? I know you don't like socializing, but please, just try? If it doesn't work out, I won't ever bug you about this sort of thing again, I promise."

"Fine," I reply with a world weary sigh. "I'll try to be nicer to her, okay?" I stand up from the table and stretch. "But this is a terrible idea and I reserve the right to say I told you so when it doesn't pan out." I glance at the clock. "Look, I need to get going to Shining Armor's magic lesson." I turn my back to the princess and head on out. "Catch you later, princess."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"And he's gone, again," Cadance mutters once the door to the library shuts with Artemis's departure. "We've been talking for over a month now and he still won't open up, not even a little." She sighs, rising from the lounge chair she'd chosen as her seat roughly an hour before. "I knew it wasn't going to be easy, not with a thousand years of trauma weighing him down, but he still sees us all as the 'other'." Even with a thousand years spent as a pony, he still sees himself as an alien, a being apart from the rest of their species. Granted, she supposed that's not very surprising, giving all he's been through, but it wasn't healthy for him to hold on to such things at this point. This is his life now and he needs to become accustomed to that fact. And then there's the other issue she's steadily become more and more aware of as she'd spent time with the troubled prince.

"He holds no love for himself," she observes quietly. Not even the tiniest of fragments of love for himself can be found amidst the swirling miasma of self loathing, guilt, rage and a thousand other little things she senses that, when added together, make up the mess that is his mental and emotional state. Such a thing was a painful sight to her most of all, the princess vowing, again, to do her best to help Artemis recover. No matter how long it takes or what she has to do, she'll find a way to get through to him. "Just don't act on that hate you hold for yourself until then." She smiles sadly. "I'll find a way to help you, 'uncle'. I promise."

0o0o0o0o0o0

I find myself staring at my plate later that evening, idly poking at the salad that sits upon it as I think over what Cadance said to me in the library, among other things. Should I really try and make a friend? Is it even worth the risk? Better yet, can I really make one under false pretenses? Nymphadora has no idea who and what I really am, after all. Damn it, this philosophical bullshit is making me lose my appetite.

"Son of a bitch," I mutter, setting the fork down and sighing softly. "Damn you, Cadance, for making me think about this." I grit my teeth, having not expected anything like this to ever come up. I'd have never even considered it, not with my history. "No one deserves to have to deal with the sort of baggage I'm carting around, friend or otherwise."

"And yet, sometimes, tis better to share the load rather than bear it by one's self." I stiffen, head turning to see Luna, a plate held in the grasp of her own magic as she observes me with an unreadable look on her face. "I understand better than anyone the desire to keep such pain hidden, to not let it see the light of day." Her expression darkens slightly. "And I also know that to attempt to do so is folly."

"I see you're finally talking right," I remark, deliberately messing up the grammar to screw with her and change the subject.

"You were the one that complained about my method of articulation, brother," she reminds me, which I find puzzling to say the least.

"Why the fuck would you care what I think?" I ask, turning my attention back to my plate but not picking up my fork. "If you want to talk like you belong in the Renaissance, be my guest." I grimace in annoyance. "And you can stop calling me your brother while you're at it."

"Why does no one in this era say what they mean?" She asks as she sits down across from me, appearing genuinely puzzled. "If you did not care about it, why comment upon it? And we are in public, so you shall have to suffer through it for now, 'brother'." Damn it, why does she have to bring logic into it?

"I was saying what I meant," I reply, stabbing a radish with my fork and eying it thoughtfully. "But why should you care? You're a princess, so what does the opinion of your prisoner even matter anyway?" I pop the root vegetable into my mouth and chew, still surprised by how robust the flavors of plants are to me now. Spicy, yes, but now there's this underlying sweetness that goes well with the bite it possesses. Weird. "If you're this easily bothered by what a stranger says, no wonder you went crazy a thousand years ago." Shit. Shit, why did I say that? "Erm, what I meant was-"

"No. You say what you mean, correct?" Fuck me sideways, me and my big mouth. "But you are anything but a stranger to me, Artemis." I shift uncomfortably, practically able to feel her gaze boring into me now. "For a thousand years we were together, sharing a single purpose and drive, however misguided it was. Your opinion shall always matter to me, my brother." I have to look up at her, ears folded tight against my skull as she seems to stare straight through me. What the fuck is even happening right now? "Do you still wake up at night to the silence?" I stiffen in shock. "Yes, I assumed it bothered you as well, and it seems I am correct. You cannot share a life with someone for so long without it affecting you greatly."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I deny it swiftly, but we both know I'm full of shit. "I'm glad it's quiet now! You were always in my head, giving me orders, talking down to me, abusing me! I'm free and I couldn't be happier!"

"Truly?" She obviously doesn't believe me. "You do not find yourself awaiting an answer to your idle thoughts? Seeking advice from the air, even though you should know that no one will answer?" I find myself shivering, though it's nowhere near cold in the dining hall at the moment. "You do not lay awake for hours, listening to the deafening silence and wishing you could do anything to fill it?" She lowers her gaze, allowing me to relax, if only a little. "It must be truly wonderful, to be so blessed. I wish I could claim to be as fortunate as you are, brother." She stands, having not even touched her food. "Remember, Artemis. No one, pony or otherwise, is an island. Allow those around you to help you, or you shall surely succumb once more to the darkness." Her expression softens slightly. "I wish you well, my brother, and, remember, that I am here should you desire my aid." And then she's gone, leaving me to shiver like a leaf caught in a storm.

"Damn her," I growl, lowering my head and gritting my teeth, my eyes beginning to sting. "And damn me, too." I turn my gaze in the direction she went, not willing to leave it at that. How dare she talk down to me to me like that? "Luna, get back here!" I shout, racing after her and ignoring the startled servants on my way out of the dining hall. "Don't you walk away from me!" She hadn't made it far, turning in surprise as I approach. "You don't get to just talk to me like that and not even give me a chance to-" And she just about stuffs her hoof into my mouth. Yuck. "Mmm, mnf hrmph!" Hard to bitch about it under the circumstances.

"Have you taken leave of your senses?" She hisses, looking around for anyone nearby that could have overheard me. I simply glare at her, tempted to bite her hoof at this point. "Here, we shall discuss this elsewhere." The dizzying sensation of being teleported disorients me briefly and, obviously, we're elsewhere once everything comes back into focus. I waste no time in slapping away her hoof, spitting to get the taste out of my mouth.

"Ugh, Christ, that was vile!" I curse, wiping my tongue with my fetlock to try and help things. "Don't ever do that again!" I then look around, not recognizing where we are. "Where are we?"

"My private chambers," Luna replies, frowning at me deeply. "Twas the only place I could think of on such short notice."

"Okay, good, I'm glad we're alone," I growl, not happy. Not. One. Bit. "How dare you? Who the fuck do you think you are to talk to me like that?" I demand, glaring at her with all the hate I can muster. "You have the gall to lecture me, after torturing me for close to a thousand years?! I should have taken your God forsaken head when you offered it to me!"

"I did not seek to lecture," Luna protests, a growl rising in my throat in response. "You cannot just try to lock such feelings up inside and hope they go away! I know what doing so causes, better than anyone could ever hope to understand!" Damn it, don't bring up good points, it undermines my righteous goddamn fury! "I tried to murder my sister and steal the throne for myself alone, because I felt like no one ever appreciated me, that Celestia received all of their admiration and praise while I lingered in the shadows! I let that fester for a hundred years until I was consumed by it, Artemis!"

"Don't compare me to you," I snap, ears folding back in a defensive reaction to the escalating tone our little discussion has taken. "I am nothing like you, so don't even go there!" She's suddenly in my face and we're butting heads, horns scraping together hard enough that it makes my teeth ache.

"We are exactly alike, you foal!" She counters, pushing me back a few steps before I can stop it. "I know you better than even you know yourself, just as you know me! You hate me because you see yourself in me, and I am constantly reminded of everything I loathe about myself whenever I see the pain in your eyes!"

"Shut up!" I demand, pushing back against her, regaining some lost ground for my trouble. "I won't listen to this bullshit anymore!"

"Why? Does the truth frighten you?" Is she fucking taunting me?! "Why can you not face it, Artemis? There is a reason the Elements chose this form for you and it was not on some twisted whim like you seem to believe!"

"Well the Elements can take their fucking reasons and shove them up their collective asses!" I growl angrily. "I didn't want a second chance, damn it, especially not like this!"

"How do you believe I feel then?!" I really don't care right now. "I am lost in a world where no one knows me, where all the ponies I knew and cared for grew old and died while I was trapped with you on my moon!" I see her eyes starting to grow wet with unshed tears. "And now the only pony I can possibly relate to in this era hates me and nothing I can ever do will change that fact!" Don't you dare start crying, Luna!

"And whose fucking fault is that, 'princess'?!" I ask bitingly. "You made your bed, just as I did! Deal with it!"

"Your hypocrisy is truly astounding!" She snaps right back. "You haunt these halls, a mess of guilt and self loathing, doing nothing to change your life, and you tell me to 'deal with it'?!" Okay, not gonna lie, that's a fair point. "I sometimes wish we had never left that cursed prison! At least then I would not have to deal with this guilt!"

"Yeah? Well sometimes I wish I could just fucking die!" And I freeze up, the admission leaving me before I can stop it. The room falls dead silent as I stumble back from her in shock. "I really, really wish your sister had just executed me. It would have been a kindness." Christ, I can't handle this anymore. I'm breaking down in front of Luna, for fuck's sake!

"...do you truly wish to die?" I can't even reply, but I guess the silence is enough of an answer in this case. "Artemis...by Faust." I lower my head in shame, feeling like such a coward. Then something happens that I never expected. She hugs me. She fucking hugs me! "Artemis-"

"Don't try and console me!" I spit, trying to push her away. "You can't just try and pull this shit with me, not after everything you did!" She only holds me tighter. "Let me go!" But I can't seem to break loose. "Let go, damn it!" And now I feel ready to cry again! "LET GO!" The struggling begins to wear me out, my emotional state not exactly helping me any either. Damn her for making me confront this. "I hate you! I hate you more than anything!"

"I know," she responds softly, rubbing my back in slow, soothing circles. "And that is fine. I will bear your hatred and more if I must."

"And why do you get to be so noble?" I've never felt so goddamn confused. "Why couldn't you just stay some evil, heartless bitch? I could have handled that!"

"I am sorry," she replies, holding me a little tighter now. "But I cannot be her anymore."

"Damn it," I sob, unable to hold back anymore, my face buried in the crook of her neck as the tears flow freely. "God fucking damn it!"

"It is alright, my prince," Luna whispers to me quietly. "I am here for you, but you must speak to someone, lest you go mad." And that's how I got scheduled for therapy. Fucking joy.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Therapy sucks. Not only because you have to confide in a complete stranger about all the fucked up shit that goes on in your head, but it's also one of the most degrading, humiliating experiences to have someone pick your brain apart to see just what makes you tick. So here I am, laying down on the absurdly comfy couch, while some shrink Celestia keeps on retainer stares at me over the top of her note pad like I'm some interesting specimen for her to study.

"This case is...complicated." Way to make an understatement, lady. "I have never been asked to provide counseling for somepony in your position before, Artemis." She knows the truth, so I imagine she's still a bit puzzled about an alicorn prince actually being an alien underneath it all. "I believe it would be best that we start things by using me as your sounding board, of sorts. I'll listen to anything you want to talk about." Christ, where do I even start?

"Well, I guess we can start with the elephant in the room." I sigh tiredly. "Once upon a time, I was a human being, a bipedal creature descended from apes..."

0o0o0o0o0o0

I step out into the hall after our hour is up, the door clicking shut behind me sounding louder than it should. I wonder if she plans on writing some sort of paper on me at some point? It'd make one hell of a read, I'm sure, and we haven't even scratched the surface of the clusterfuck that is me yet. Still it's a start, I guess.

"Christ, I hate therapy," I grumble while heading on my way, late for my lesson with Shining Armor as it is. I notice that I hate a lot of things, now that I think about it. Myself, mornings, black coffee, turnips, and no, not even my new taste buds can make that shit taste even halfway decent, and I even hate how cheerful these ponies are for no conceivable reason. I am a massive piece of shit. Okay, being negative doesn't help, so moving on. I eventually make my way over to the study we have set aside, not even bothering to knock, which I immediately regret as I walk in on Cadance and Shining sucking face.

"Jesus, put a sock on the doorknob or something next time," I gripe, the pair immediately pulling apart, faces flushed. "I really don't need to see that sort of thing." It reminds me that I am very much alone. Ugh, the therapy is already making me confront my feelings! Blech! "Okay, if you two are finished playing tonsil hockey, I'm sorry that I'm late for the lesson."

"Wait, did you just apologize?" Shining Armor asks, tone reflecting his surprise. "Honey, am I hallucinating?"

"No, I'm pretty sure I heard it too," Cadance assures him and I roll my eyes at them. "I suppose we could both be crazy, though it's highly unlikely."

"Oh, ha ha," I grumble, though I suppose I deserve it for the snide comments about them making out. "So, what's on the schedule for today? Defensive spells? Teleporting?"

"Nope," Shining Armor replies, Cadance pushing a small cloud into view while he talks. "We thought it'd be a good idea to start working on the other sides to the nature of your magic as an alicorn. Well, Cady did at least."

"And since she wears the pants in your relationship, you of course caved like a bitch," I tease him mercilessly, getting a dirty look from the guard captain for my trouble. "Okay, where do we start?" I only know how to walk on clouds at the moment, which is mostly instinctual anyway. This could actually prove to be fun for once.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Turns out, teaching someone how to manipulate the weather indoors is a terrible idea, because I'm either an idiot savant at it or we're all just seriously unlucky. Shining Armor and Cadance stand next to me, the three of us just outside the burning study as fire fighting ponies work to put out the flames I'd inadvertently started.

"Not it," I immediately say, drawing odd looks from the other two as a result. "Someone has to explain this to Celestia or whoever comes to call. So, like I said, not it."

"You are such a colt," Cadance says, sounding unimpressed. "Not it." Ha, nice!

"Oh, come on!" Shining Armor protests, causing the two of us to laugh at his misfortune. "Why do I have to do it?"

"Sorry, cap," I drawl while Cadance giggles. "Guess you'll just have to be faster on the draw next time~" Okay maybe, just maybe, this new life of mine isn't so bad after all.

Author's Note

Happy new year everyone! I hope your new years was fun and safe, now let's have an even better year than the last. Hopefully. Maybe. I don't know, we'll see what happens

Okay, feel free to ignore this next bit if you like. I have a Patreon now so I'll be mentioning it now and then, though, as I said in my blog post, you do not have to donate in order to get this stuff. You'll just get it a few days early, if I can stick to a schedule at least. Maybe even some good feels and a shout out at the end of each chapter, depending on how much you donate. So, have a link, because shameless self promotion is fun! https://www.patreon.com/Crensler

Shout out to my Patrons, including Canary In The Coal Mine. Your support means more than I could ever express.