"And you're certain these sources are reliable?" Queen Chrysalis asks one of the drones she'd sent to gather intelligence, standing in front of a mirror in the form of Nymphadora, scrutinizing the disguise closely. Every detail needed to be exact, down to the last hair, lest he grow suspicious because she'd gotten careless. "I recall being assured that your last intelligence report was accurate, yet he didn't even bat an eye at any of my attempts to get his attention." The drone swallows thickly, Chrysalis smirking at the sense of unease she feels from it. "You may relax, my child. As was brought to my attention, it was simply not the correct tactic." She takes a moment to brush out her mane. "I'm sure that, this time, your information will prove useful."

"Y-yes, my queen," the drone stutters nervously, heart beating rather fast at the moment. "If what the scouts have reported is correct, this tactic will prove quite effective." Or so it hopes. "Is there anything more that you require from me, my queen?"

"No, you may go," Chrysalis dismisses it, taking a deep breath once it is gone in an effort to steady her frayed nerves. She remembers gazing out into the distance that fateful day, seeing the light and feeling the heat even from such a great distance. The beam of pure sunlight had struck the spire dead on and she'd heard the screams of those of her children caught in the explosion that followed. She'd done what she could, the instinctive flaring of magic brought on by her drive to protect her hive the only thing that had spared them all from meeting the same fate. If Artemis had truly defeated the one to unleash such a destructive force, then she cannot afford to be reckless. One misstep and she could bring the wrath of The Destroyer down upon her children, a prospect that, even though she will never admit it to anyone, frightens her greatly.

"If I am to bring justice to the Sun Princess, I must be cunning," she reminds herself, putting on the barest amount of makeup, just enough to accentuate her eyes, which are apparently the best feature of this form, according to one of her infiltrators at least. "I must be determined and merciless." She takes another deep breath, smiling sweetly at her reflection. "He won't know what hit him~"

0o0o0o0o0o0

"I'm sorry." I blink stupidly as those words reach my ears, having been waiting for the past ten minutes for Nymphadora to show up, only idly picking up after the ponies who insisted on making a mess of the park on a regular basis when she finally did. This is not how I'd expected this to start out. Cadance had been rather insistent that I be the one to apologize when I saw Nymphadora again, yet here the mare is, apologizing to me instead. I look up, expecting the sky to have turned pink or something equally strange, but no, it's still blue. Guess it's just gonna be another one of those days.

"Listen, Nymph, you don't have to apologize," I tell her, though I'm not sure I actually believe that just yet. I mean, some of that stuff was borderline sexual harassment, but let's just set that aside for the time being. "I talked to a...friend recently and, well, if you hadn't just stolen the spotlight then I'd have apologized first."

"Wait, seriously?" Nymphadora sounds genuinely surprised. "What for?"

"'What for'?" Does she really not know or is she taking the piss out of me right now? "I was more than a little rude as I recall."

"But only because I was acting like a filly in the middle of her first estrus," she counters, and again, I'm left to boggle at her. Estrus? Mares here go into estrus? Why didn't anyone fucking tell me that?! Note to self: find out when estrus happens, secure a bolt hole and hide there until it passes. After barely resisting the urge to start retching at the thought of what that could end up meaning for me given how many mares I know, I clear my throat awkwardly.

"Erm, well, that aside, I guess what I'm trying to say is...want to start over?" Christ, this is cringe as fuck, and not just because of that whole bit about estrus being a thing. Sounds like something out of a smut novel, if I'm being perfectly honest. "Hi, I'm Dusk Shade," I reintroduce myself, holding out a hoof to her in greeting. "I'm kind of an asshole and a terrible conversationalist."

"Nice to meet you, Dusk," she replies, touching her hoof to mine with a soft chuckle. "My name is Nymphadora, but you can just call me Nymph." She smirks. "I have a hard time expressing myself and I more often than not end up putting my hoof in my mouth." We lower our hooves and I laugh despite myself. Am I really so desperate for any form of amusement that I actually found that little exchange of ours funny? Jesus, I seriously need to get out more often if that's the case.

"I guess we're both in good company then," I remark with my usual amount of dryness. "Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, I should probably get back to work."

"Want some help?" Nymph asks, moving to walk with me as I go about my business.

"Fairly sure the local constabulary would frown upon such a thing," I remark with the barest hint of insubordination coloring my tone. Except my chaperones seem to have vanished. Where the fuck did they go? "Okay, that's weird."

"What is?" Nymph asks, my lips pursing slightly as I look around for some sign of the two guards that should be watching me right now.

"My, erm, chaperones seem to have buggered off," I reply, unable to see any sign of, well, anyone as a matter of fact. Well, you know, expect the occasional pedestrian. "Don't get me wrong, it's kind of nice to not be under their scrutiny for once, but I don't think their captain will appreciate it as much."

"Such a shame," Nymph begins, totally not sounding like she means it. "Guess we'll just have to take advantage of their incompetence." She promptly levitates a balled up napkin into my bag. "Well?" Oh, right, I'm still kind of just standing around like a lump. Oh well, if Shining Armor bitches later I'll tell him to just deal with it. Not my fault his guards seem to be bad at their jobs. I follow after her, stabbing trash when I see it, pausing whenever she wants to put something in the bag. "That's a good probie~"

"Don't push it."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"Are you certain about this?" Luna asks Celestia carefully, the two of them in the elder sister's study at the moment. "I have briefly spoken with our...nephew and I am not sure that what you are proposing is a sound idea."

"Blueblood needs to have his world view changed, badly," Celestia points out, pausing to sip her tea before continuing. "Artemis doesn't have any of the filters that somepony else would and he will definitely turn our nephew's world on its head. Besides, didn't his therapist say he needs to socialize more?"

"...Tia, please tell me you are not receiving reports from Artemis's counselor," Luna pleads, disturbed by the prospect. "Is there not some law in this day and age that prohibits such a thing?"

"Is there?" Celestia plays innocent, Luna glaring at her in response, the sun princess then sighing softly. "I knew you'd disapprove, which is why I didn't bother saying anything."

"Then why do it in the first place?" Luna demands of her. "Celestia, if Artemis finds out that you are invading his right to privacy-"

"Luna." The way Celestia says her name has the younger alicorn freezing up out of instinct, the elder mare giving off an aura of "elder sister" as she gazes across the table at her. "I don't like doing this, believe me. But as much as I may wish otherwise, I must first think of the safety of our subjects above my own misgivings on the matter." She gazes down at her teacup, appearing rather solemn. "He may be a victim but he was also once one of the greatest threats this nation of ours has ever seen. I can't risk missing any sign of him slipping back into the darkness, not when so much is at stake."

"Then why do you not hold me to the same standard?" Luna is still quite bothered by this fact. "I tried to kill you, take the throne for my own, and then spent a thousand years twisting and molding an innocent being into a weapon to do it for me. Am I also not a possible threat in that case?" Celestia doesn't say anything at first, finishing her cup and meeting Luna's gaze again at last. The steel the younger mare sees in those normally kind eyes has her catching her breath in her throat.

"And who says that I don't?" Celestia asks in return, her tone carefully neutral. "Don't misunderstand this, Luna. I love you, more than anything else, but I am not some blind foal like you seem to think. I hate it, I hate even considering it, but the thought of you slipping and becoming the Nightmare again still wakes me up at night." She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "I have already devised a hundred strategies, plans and backups in case such a thing happens. You are even under near constant surveillance, whether you know it or not." She proceeds to lower her head, her ever flowing mane hiding her face from Luna's gaze. "I wish I could have just welcomed you home with open hooves, but instead I find myself worrying that the Elements didn't work, that you're just biding your time." She shudders. "And Artemis, by Faust, in my head I know that he isn't to blame for his crimes but I still can't help but be afraid. If the two of you ever decided to dethrone me...I know it is foalish, selfish, but the fear of it lingers despite my best intentions." Her withers begin to tremble, Luna giving a soft gasp as she realizes her sister is crying. "I am a terrible pony! I blame the victims when I should be the one held to account!"

"Tia," Luna says softly, moving around the table to sit next to her sister and hug her gently. "Oh, Tia, please, do not cry."

"I'm so sorry, Lulu," Celestia sobs quietly, turning into the embrace and leaning into her sister for support, a bit awkward given the size difference between them, not that Luna cares about that right now. "I couldn't...I couldn't help you when you needed me most and even now, when you've finally come home, all I can think about again is my precious duty." She hiccups and hugs her sister back tightly. "And then there's Artemis." She shudders. "Faust above, Luna, of all the names, why did it have to be that one?"

"Because I knew that it would hurt you," Luna replies honestly, though she wishes she could have done otherwise. "I knew that you would likely still blame yourself and that giving him that name would serve to remind you of your perceived failures." She grimaces. "I was such a wretched creature that even the smallest fraction of pain I could cause you gave me no end of satisfaction. Forgive me, sister."

"For what?" Celestia sniffles a bit, glad that no one besides Luna can see her like this. "You had every right to blame me for it, too. And what did I do afterward?" She finds herself gritting her teeth. "I left you to suffer in silence while hiding myself in my work instead of doing what a good sister should."

"Where did this complex of yours arise from?" Luna asks in wonderment. "You are not made of stone, Celestia, nor are you able to shoulder all the weight of this world alone."

"Some would argue otherwise," Celestia remarks, starting to calm down finally. "Is the idea really all that terrible? It would be a good learning experience for them both." The sudden change in subject throws Luna off but she decides to let the matter rest for the time being.

"Blueblood is likely to faint the moment Artemis unleashes that scathing tongue of his," she replies, chuckling at the thought. "Our nephew is far too delicate for my liking, so it is possible that such an encounter could serve to toughen the little fop up a bit." She thinks it over a bit more before continuing. "Perhaps, however, they should not meet just yet. I do not see it ending well."

"Okay," Celestia says simply, pulling back from their embrace and using a kerchief to dry her eyes. "You're probably right."

"Doth mine ears deceive me?" Luna puts on a show of being shocked. "Is the great Celestia, guiding light of Equestria, admitting to being wrong?"

"I never said that I was wrong," Celestia points out, sniffing delicately. "Only that you might be right." They can't maintain the facade for long, though, and soon break down into a fit of giggles, both feeling a great deal better for having had this little heart to heart. "More tea, Lulu?"

"Oh, yes, please."

0o0o0o0o0o0

"You know, I'm not sure what I was expecting when I woke up today," I mutter, sitting on my balcony with a steaming cup of coffee held in my telekinetic grip, "but it sure as fuck wasn't this." I blink at the column of inky black smoke as it crawls its way across the sky, snaking its way in the general direction of Ponyville. "Even for a world of magical, talking, miniature horses, I doubt this is normal." It's been only a few days since my strange encounter with Nymphadora, who seems to be bipolar, though I'm no psychiatrist, and I'd been hoping for some relative normalcy over the next few days. "So much for that."

"So much for what?" I just about jump a foot in the air, a sound reminiscent of the quadrupedal animal I now resemble escaping me as hot coffee sloshes everywhere.

"Ow, Christ, son of a bitch!" I curse as some lands on me, because of course it would. "Doesn't anyone fucking know how to knock?!" I demand, glaring at whoever would dare to invade my inner sanctum without an invitation. Unsurprisingly, it's Cadance, who is giggling behind one hoof. "Oh, yes, laugh it up, princess. I'm sure watching someone scald themselves is simply hilarious."

"Sorry," she says while not sounding the least bit apologetic. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I grumble, wiping at the stain on my coat with one hoof, having to finally resort to the cleansing charm in order to remove it. "You're kinda early today." And overly sneaky for someone so garishly colored. "So, what's up?"

"You've been summoned," Cadance informs me. "Auntie Celestia has requested your presence in the throne room. Something important I think."

"Joy," I groan, downing the rest of my coffee, grimacing as it burns my throat. Alicorn healing and an insane tolerance for pain for the win. "Okay," I wheeze once I'm finished. "Let's get going."

0o0o0o0o0o0

I have to admit that I feel more than a little nervous, gazing up at the double doors leading into the throne room. The last time I had been inside there...Christ, my heart is pounding and I'm sweating like crazy. I can't do this, I can't-

"Artemis?" Cadance's voice cuts through my rising panic, causing me to jump in surprise. "Are you okay?" Fuck no! That's what I want to say, at least.

"Y-yes, I'm fine," I lie instead, knowing I can't avoid this forever. "Showtime." I stand on my hind legs and push the doors open, grunting as it takes a bit more effort than I first expected. Still, they swing open with the low groan of old hinges, announcing our presence to the entire hall. Fortunately it's mostly empty, save for Celestia and her guards, who seem to go on high alert at my appearance. No surprise there, given I killed a bunch of their friends and comrades. I find myself glancing upwards at where I'd made my entrance, the damage long since repaired and any signs of the violence committed here having been swept away in the process. It feels wrong to me that there isn't some sign, some indication of my crimes left for all to see, yet I know that's just my sense of guilt talking.

"Artemis," Celestia greets me warmly, her smile seeming to light up the room, though all it did for me was make me feel even more uncomfortable. "I see Cadance was successful in prying you away from your coffee." I shoot Cadance an irritated look, the young princess having at least enough sense to look embarrassed about causing me to burn myself. "Now, now, you mustn't blame our dear niece. I wouldn't have had her call you here if it wasn't important."

"Does it have anything to do with that black cloud I saw out there?" I ask, finding myself curious despite my reservations.

"It does indeed," Celestia confirms it, stepping off of her throne and making her way down the staircase leading up to it and two others, likely those of Luna and Cadance. I note that hers is set slightly higher than theirs, filing that little tidbit away for later consideration. "A dragon has taken up residence in a cave upon a nearby mountain. The smoke is a byproduct of the dragon's snoring." Her smile has become a severe looking frown at this point. "If it is not convinced to leave, it could blanket Equestria in a fog of smoke for the next hundred years." I blink at her for a few moments, digesting this bit of news slowly, as I'm still rather tired. Not getting my full dose of caffeine will do that.

"And you're telling me this because...?" Seriously, she doesn't expect me to do something about it, does she? Wait, she's smiling again, like I asked the right question. Not good.

"I want you to lead an attempt to negotiate with the dragon and persuade it to make its nest elsewhere," she informs me, only a great effort of will keeping my jaw from hitting the floor as a result. She can't be serious. I mean, I know it's a bad situation, but sending me? To talk to it?

"You're crazy," I blurt out before I can stop myself, the nearby guards bristling, not that I really care about offending them. Honestly, I've already blown my first impression, so how much worse can their opinion of me get? "I can't...you're...no way!"

"I will not force you to go," Celestia tells me, though I can hear a "but" coming any second now. "Though I do hope you will reconsider. I understand your reservations and, believe me, if I did not think this would benefit you then I would not wish you to go."

"And how is confronting a dragon going to help me?" I ask, not exactly happy with her right now, no shock there. "You're basically sending a gas can to put out a fire, you know that right?" I can tell she doesn't quite get the analogy, as ponies haven't learned how to refine oil yet, but I think I get my message across. "Why not send Luna to do it? She seems more stable than I am right now!" She giggles, she actually fucking giggles at me. "And what, pray tell, is so goddamn funny?"

"Luna is going to be part of the expedition, of course," Celestia tells me, which only makes this go from "bad idea" to "terrible idea" in my opinion. "You need an escort to travel beyond Canterlot and getting outside the palace would do you both a great deal of good." What in the name of Baby Jesus makes her think that?! "There are, of course, risks involved and I know the two of you are still...having issues, but I also know that, together, you can settle this peacefully." Mischief is in her eyes again. I hate it when she gets like this. "Besides, you won't exactly be alone with her."

"And who in God's name is crazy enough to want to go face down a dragon with two of the most damaged ponies in Equestria?"

0o0o0o0o0o0

"This has to be the stupidest idea your sister has ever had," I grumble from my seat next to Luna, the two of us riding in a chariot pulled by a quartet of pegasi. Our destination? Ponyville. Why? Because fuck me, that's why!

"I must admit that I find myself questioning Celestia's motives," Luna admits, nursing a travel mug, likely filled with heavily doctored coffee. "But she would not be sending the Bearers without a reason."

"Or she's just a fucking sociopath," I say, ignoring the stink eye I get from one of our pilots. "Six young mares with no combat or negotiation experience being sent to confront a fully grown dragon of unknown temperament, with two of the worst candidates for bringing about a peaceful resolution to things acting as escort is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. Either I'm seriously missing some crucial piece of information or she's simply just that crazy."

"I know that your opinion of her is poor at best," Luna begins, understating things greatly, I might add, "but our sister is no foal. She must believe us capable of handling this, otherwise we would not be going at all. The same can be said of the Element Bearers, who should not be underestimated."

"It's not a matter of underestimating them," I argue. "They stopped us, great, but if I hadn't had a sudden crisis of conscience they would all be dead. This dragon, if it decides to, can easily eat them alive."

"Which is why we are to escort them," Luna points out, our chariot starting its descent. "Do not tell me you doubt your ability to protect them should the worst happen." My silence speaks volumes. "Artemis-"

"This will be my first time since our defeat that I'll be using magic more powerful than a simple levitation spell outside of a controlled environment," I tell her quietly, our chariot setting down as I speak. "If I lose control-"

"You will not," Luna states firmly, surprising me with her conviction. "You are not the same being that I twisted into a weapon, Artemis. Such a stallion would not be concerned with the consequences of failure, nor would they take the safety of others into account." She strokes a wing down my back in a soothing gesture. "Now, cease this pointless fretting. We have arrived." The chariot comes to a halt, my gaze taking in the familiar sights of Ponyville's town center, the town hall and library in particular catching my eye.

"You know, I've been meaning to ask you something," I say as she steps off of the chariot. "You know what happened to me when we both got blasted by the Elements, but I don't have any idea what happened to you." She gazes back at me curiously. "You're not exactly the cackling madmare that I lived with for a thousand years anymore. So, tell me, what changed?"

"I was granted an epiphany," Luna replies, head turning to face front once again. "For now that is all I shall say on the subject." Not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but I guess it'll have to do for now. We have shit to do, so it's best we just get to it.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Now, there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for why five grown mares are currently huddled behind a table like a bunch of scared fillies. You see, we were told we would be meeting the Element Bearers inside the Golden Oak Library, so of course we headed over and knocked but received no answer. Naturally this led us to open the door, only to be met with the sound of a miniature explosion. Now, um, this is a bit embarrassing to admit, but my reflexes kicked in and I may have blasted the source of the noise even as the two of us were showered with confetti. My retaliation was met by frightened shrieks and the sound of scrambling hooves and, well, now we're here and I've managed to scar my saviors for life. Great.

"Uh...hi?" I greet them awkwardly, bits of confetti and streamers hanging from my ears and horn. I glance at the culprit, sitting behind Luna's hastily erected shield, one Pinkie Pie. Is that a cannon? Where did she get a cannon? Is it even legal for ponies to own cannons? Do I even want to know? "S-sorry, I, you know...shit." Ugh, this is exactly why I told Celestia that this is a terrible idea! "I told her this was stupid."

"Relax," Luna urges me, lowering her shield while Pinkie blinks at us owlishly. "I doubt anyone could have anticipated us to be ambushed by...confetti." She grimaces as she picks bits of the shiny stuff out of her mane. "No one is injured, so please, just-"

"Ohmygosh!" Pinkie Pie was just suddenly standing in front of us, bouncing on the tips of her hooves. "I was like, surprise, and you were all, kablewy, and Luna totally went like, saved ya!" She giggles, leaving me to question her sanity. Again. "Wow, you sure need to get out more." I gave her my best deadpan stare, but she remains unmoved by my displeasure. "I guess instead of King Meany I shoulda called you King Grumpy." Luna chuckles, becoming the next target of my ire, but just like Pinkie she is also unimpressed. I miss being scary. "Hey, why are you all hiding back there?" Gee, I wonder. It couldn't be the homicidal alicorn in their midst, right?

"Maybe I should just go," I mutter, shaking my head to remove the last of the confetti and streamers. "I'm only going to make things worse if I stay."

"That. Was. So awesome!" Rainbow Dash suddenly cheers, interrupting my departure as she bursts out from behind the table, hovering in the air with the biggest grin on her face. "Hey, Twilight, why can't you make things explode like that?"

"Probably because it makes a big ol' mess," Applejack observes dryly, stepping out from hiding next. "You alright there, pardner? Yer lookin' kinda pale." Oh, you know, just doing what a weapon does, that's all. No big deal.

"Him? What about Pinkie Pie?" This from Rarity, who takes a moment to dust herself off. "He nearly burned the poor dear to a crisp!" I feel my ears droop as I look away, feeling pretty bad about it as one might imagine. "I-I mean, well, I'm sure you didn't mean to, darling, but you really must be more careful." Does she think I don't already know that? "Anyway, Pinkie is fine and so are we, so I suppose we should just let bygones be bygones." Should we? I'm not so sure about that. "Um...oh, Fluttershy, dear, please stop clinging to my tail so." Indeed, the buttery yellow pegasus is trying to use the unicorn's elegantly styled tail as a hiding place now that they've all decided to leave the cover of the table.

"S-sorry," Fluttershy apologizes meekly, ducking back and refusing to even look in my general direction. "D-d-do we really have to do this? I-I mean, isn't this more of a job for, you know, the royal guard?" A fair point, but clearly Celestia doesn't share this timid little mare's sense of wisdom.

"I understand that you're worried, Fluttershy, but this is a request from the princess," Twilight points out, having joined the others finally. "You don't want to let her down, do you?" Oh, great, guilt trip the poor thing. I can see that Twilight has learned a lot from her time as Celestia's student.

"Hey, if she doesn't want to go, then she doesn't have to," I interject, Fluttershy doing her best to appear smaller now that she's the center of attention. "Personally I don't think any of you should, but that's not my call."

"What?!" Rainbow Dash gets right in my face, indignation clear as she glares at me from inches away. "Are you saying you don't think we can cut it?"

"That's not what I meant," I reply calmly, not wanting to have to deal with a bruised ego on top of everything else. "Fluttershy has a point. This isn't going to be a picnic, you know."

"We can handle it," Rainbow assures me, her confidence bordering on foolishness. "I mean, we handled you, didn't we?"

"Now hold on there," Applejack intercedes before I can light into the athletic pegasus with a scathing remark. "Back then we had the Elements and, well, he wasn't exactly doing his best to hurt us, neither." Finally, someone with some sense. "That said, yer highness, we can't sit this one out just because it's dangerous. Equestria needs us and Ah, fer one, ain't fixin' ta let everypony down." Oh, wonderful, a patriot.

"I, for one, am grateful for such devotion to our nation," Luna says, smiling at Applejack kindly. "But are you all certain of this? Artemis is correct that this will be quite dangerous and, while we will do our best, we cannot guarantee your safety." I'm now agreeing with Luna on something. What is this strange world coming to?

"Well, much as I dislike the thought of such a messy endeavor as climbing a mountain," Rarity remarks, nose wrinkling in disgust, "I must agree with Applejack. We would all regret it, I'm sure, if we could help, only to sit back and do nothing while others act in our stead."

"And I've never seen a fully grown dragon before!" Pinkie Pie exclaims, excited to see something that is likely capable of eviscerating her with a single flick of its claws. Oi vey. "I am super duper excited!" She lets out a spectacularly overly dramatic gasp. "Oh, hey, do you think dragons like parties? We could throw him a house warming party!"

"Except we're, you know, kicking him out," Rainbow Dash points out in an attempt to burst her bubble.

"Then we can throw him a going away party!" Yet Pinkie Pie remains undaunted by such a trifling thing as logic. "I need to get more party supplies!" And she's rushing out the door in a blur of pink, leaving the rest of us to marvel at the swiftness of her departure.

"Well, um, while I'm not sure how helpful party supplies will be, I think we should follow Pinkie's example and stock up on some supplies of our own for the trip," Twilight reasons, walking over to one of the many bookshelves and browsing the library's collection. "We can meet back here in twenty minutes. I mean, if that's okay with you, Prince Artemis, Princess Luna." I look at Luna, who nods, and let out a weary sigh before following suit. I just know I'm going to end up regretting this.

0o0o0o0o0o0

We're not even an hour into our little misadventure and we're already behind schedule. Why? Because Twilight insisted that Fluttershy come along, as her natural empathy with animals could come in handy. Or so she claims. Not sure a dragon qualifies as an animal, but then again what does in a society of talking ponies, cows, donkeys and who the fuck knows what else? Fluttershy, as it turns out, is not only deathly afraid of full grown dragons, but also heights. A pegasus that's afraid of heights. Takes all kinds, I guess. So, as a result of having to drag and push the frightened mare along, we've made far less progress than I had hoped we would.

"Seriously, why couldn't she have let her stay home?" Rainbow Dash's complaint mirrors my thoughts, though I imagine for different reasons than my own. "She's just slowing us down." Called it.

"We'll just have to trust her judgement," I say, though I'm not exactly convinced myself. "Try to be patient."

"Ugh, but waiting is so boring," the mare groans in response and I find myself chuckling despite the serious nature of our mission. "So...what have you been up to since, you know, we blasted you with the Elements?"

"Oh, you know, adjusting," I reply, steadily making my way further up the trail. "I have a lot to learn about this world of yours and, well, yeah that's about it."

"Sounds like a total drag," Rainbow says and she's not wrong. My reeducation has been painful, even at the best of times, and not just because I'm still learning how to read Equish. "Do you ever get to do anything fun?"

"Not really." My schedule is a little too full for fun, even if I was willing to try and have it. "I've been keeping fairly busy, so there's no real time for it."

"No time for fun?!" I stumble as Pinkie Pie injects herself into the conversation from out of nowhere. "Everypony should make time in their day for fun!"

"You girls seem to be forgetting something," I point out, tone flat as I continue to plod along. "I'm a criminal. Criminals don't get to have fun while serving their punishments."

"But everypony needs to have fun now and then," Pinkie protests, seemingly horrified by this revelation. "I know! Once we get back to Ponyville, I'm gonna throw everypony a 'Congratulations for Saving Equestria from the Dragon's Snoring' party!"

"Except I'll be back in Canterlot," I remind the peppy pink mare. Does she have an off switch? I'm starting to get a headache.

"You can't keep avoiding my parties, mister," Pinkie declares, moving to cut me off and staring me right in the eye. "One day I'm gonna throw you the biggest party anypony has ever seen and that's a promise!" She goes through the motions of crossing her heart, flapping her forelegs like wings and finally covering one eye with a hoof. "Count on it!" She then goes back to hopping along, humming some merry tune as she goes.

"Should I be concerned?" I ask Rainbow Dash quietly, feeling mildly disturbed.

"Maybe?" Dash replies uncertainly. "It's sometimes hard to tell with her." Wonderful. Just wonderful. "Hey, don't worry about it so much. Pinkie's parties are always off the hook." She lightly punches my shoulder with one hoof in a playful gesture. "Catch ya later~!" She then pulls ahead of the pack once more, doing little loops in the air in an effort to amuse herself.

"That confirms it," I mutter to myself. "Ponies are fucking insane."

0o0o0o0o0o0

I take several deep breaths in an effort to calm myself, having just had to rescue, with help from Luna, the six mares we've been escorting for the past few hours up the side of this god forsaken mountain. I'm not sure what happened to spook Fluttershy enough to make her scream like that, but we're damn lucky no one was hurt. The only reason I'm not shouting the girl into oblivion is the mere fact she looks like a kicked puppy, likely because of feeling guilty about causing this whole mess.

"Okay," I say at last, glancing around to make sure that everyone is, in fact, alright. "No one's hurt, so let's just move on and-" I stop myself as I realize that the path has been blocked. "Son of a bitch." I close my eyes and count to ten, knowing that screaming won't help and will instead likely just cause another avalanche. "Okay, well, no big deal. We'll just have to climb over it." It takes some doing, but we make it over, though Fluttershy manages to slip on the way down the other side, bringing down Rarity and Pinkie Pie with her. I wonder what I should have Luna write in the report that Celestia is likely going to want. Took hours to reach the cave because of unruly mares? Let them all get eaten due to frustration? Somehow I doubt that would fly.

"Still think it was a good idea to bring Fluttershy along?" Rainbow Dash asks Twilight in a whisper, though I still manage to catch it.

"We're about to find out," Twilight replies, and she's right, because we've arrived at the cave. Finally. The cave is, of course, massive, as it would need to be in order to accommodate a fully grown dragon. The smoke billowing from the opening in a steady, thick plume. Then Twilight begins detailing her "plan". "Rainbow Dash, you'll use your wings to clear the smoke." Okay, makes sense, as pegasi can manipulate air currents. "Rarity, Pinkie Pie, you two will create a diversion in case things get a little hairy in there." Wait, what? Where did Pinkie get a rubber chicken? No, nevermind that, because this is turning into a terrible idea! "Applejack-"

"Hold it," I interject, rubbing a temple with one hoof, my headache growing steadily worse. "You'll have to forgive me, but how are they supposed to distract a dragon without getting themselves...hurt?" No need to freak them out any more than I have to. "Also, you're forgetting something." I gesture between Luna and myself. "We're here in case things go south. No need to come up with some hare brained scheme when you have two perfectly good demigods on your side." Luna clears her throat delicately.

"While he put it far more bluntly than I care for," she begins diplomatically, "Artemis, again, brings up a fair point. The two of us will be more than enough to distract the beast long enough for you ladies to escape should things turn violent." She offers them a disarming smile. "But I am certain it will not come to that." Ha, says you. I bet twenty bits things will go tits up within the next five minutes.

"Oh, right." Twilight looks properly admonished. "Well, um...okay, Fluttershy and I can talk to him and hopefully, between the two of us, we can convince him to leave." Oh, this is going to be amazing, I can tell already. Especially since Fluttershy looks ready to bolt any second now. "I mean, you know, if that's okay with you." Twilight is pawing the ground with one hoof, looking to me for approval. How cute.

"Sure, why not?" I reply with a shrug. Twilight starts trotting inside, Luna following, while Fluttershy, no surprise, stays crouched near her friends. God, I feel bad for getting angry at her now. I walk over to her, the mare squeaking at my approach, which causes me to sigh. "Relax. I just wanted to say that, if you don't want to, you don't have to go in. We can handle this." I offer her a smile. "So no worries, okay?" She peers up at me uncertainly for a few moments before giving the tiniest of nods. "Alright, it's show time." I then trot off after Twilight and Luna, catching up within the tunnel leading from the cave's entrance. The dragon, as it turns out, isn't hard to find. There's only the one tunnel and there he is, sleeping on a gigantic pile of gold, jewels and other treasures.

"Okay, Flutter-wait, where is she?" Twilight asks, as Fluttershy obviously isn't present.

"I told her that she could wait outside," I inform the lavender unicorn, who stares at me in open mouthed shock. "What did you expect from her, exactly? The mare is obviously terrified and won't be able to help in her present condition."

"B-but we need her to-" Twilight stops herself as Luna shakes her head. "Princess?"

"Dame Fluttershy is a gentle soul," the princess of the moon says. "I would not see her be harmed due to fear robbing her of her senses. We shall simply have to deal with this dragon ourselves."

"Alright then." Twilight takes a moment, likely to settle her nerves, and approaches the dragon, Luna and I keeping a close watch on the massive beast, just in case. "Excuse me?" She calls to it, the dragon not so much as twitching in response. Deep sleeper, I guess. So she tried again, louder this time, and managed to get a reaction. One eye opened slightly and she began to try to open a dialogue, only for the rude creature to blast us with a cloud of the most noxious smoke I have ever had the displeasure of smelling in my entire life.

"Oh, ugh, God!" I gag, my eyes watering and nostrils burning. "It's like a rancid fart wrapped in rotten eggs and mixed with cat piss!" I flap my wings, clearing the immediate area, my companions currently too busy coughing and retching to say much. "Hey, Smaug!" I shout, rapping the floor with one hoof to get the dragon's attention. "Wake up, you asshole!" I'm done after that little display of bitchiness. This, naturally, gets the dragon up, a rumbling sound echoing through the cavern as its eyes focus on me. "Yeah, I'm talking to you. Now I don't care how cranky you are, but you're kind of polluting our air with your rancid ass snoring. You need to pack your shit and move." I glance to the side where Twilight and Luna look to be recovering, deciding to try to be at least slightly diplomatic. "Please." The response is immediate and less than favorable.

"Go away!" He roars, the sheer volume shaking the cavern as he expels a column of more nasty smoke, this time with enough force behind it to send us tumbling out of the cave, down the tunnel and out the entrance to crash into our waiting companions, who fall like pony shaped bowling pins.

"Ew, what is that smell?" I hear Rarity whine, my vision coming slowly back into focus as my eyes stop spinning in their sockets.

"Dragon breath," I groan, disentangling myself from the others, who take a few moments to collect themselves. Luna, once she's back on her hooves, looks furious.

"That overgrown salamander!" She exclaims, straightening her crown and glaring at the cave mouth. "I shall bring his entire cave down upon his head!" Again, I find myself agreeing with her. Today is so weird.

"Whoa there," Applejack steps in front of the, admittedly justifiably, angry princess. "Sorry for, um, steppin' in like this, yer highness, but ain't we supposed to resolve this all peaceful like?" Party pooper. Luna takes a deep breath and lets it out in a sigh.

"You are, of course, correct," she replies, though not like she's happy about it. "We shall simply have to-"

"Oh, come on!" Rainbow Dash is above us, looking rather disgruntled herself. "This guy clearly isn't gonna listen to reason, so I say we take care of this the old fashioned way!" She then takes off like a bullet for the cave.

"Rainbow Dash!" Luna tries to stop her, but the mare is already gone.

"This ought to be good," I mutter, waiting to see what happens. Not long after Dash enters, we all hear the dragon's infuriated roar, followed by the pegasus being sent flying by another gout of smoke. She hits a small pile of rocks with a resounding crash, groaning weakly as she borders on the edge of falling unconscious. The ground shakes, again and again, the dragon's footsteps heavy and ponderous, the creature soon emerging from the cave with murder in its eyes. "Well, so much for negotiations." I turn my head towards the others. "Scatter!" The last thing I need to see is these girls being immolated by dragon fire. "Over here, ugly!" I taunt it, taking to the air and firing a concussive blast at its face. Granted this does little more than annoy it, but at least I now have its attention.

"Little gnat!" It snarls, taking a swipe at me with its claws. I swerve around its strike, smirking as adrenaline brings on an all too familiar rush. I need to be careful, though. Losing control now, of all times, would be very, very bad. If the dragons in this world are anything like their fantasy counterparts in mine, this isn't going to be an easy fight. There's no telling how tough its scales are, what sort of abilities it has or whether or not it can breathe more than just fire. I really need to polish up my reading skills so I can do some research, if I survive that is. There are other things to consider as well, but there's no time to think. It takes another swipe and I feel the air of it as it misses me by scant inches. I fly down the length of its arm, straight at its face, and unleash a more powerful blast at point blank range. It's head rocks back, though there's no sign I actually hurt it. I glance downwards, the girls watching in awe. "Why are you still here?!"

"Artemis!" Luna calls to me, but I get distracted by the dragon trying to snap me up in its jaws. I fly around to the back of its head, striking hard at where the base of its skull meets it neck. It roars in pain but hardly even staggers. This is going to be rough, especially since I don't have even half the power I used to when I was joined with Nightmare Moon. Fortunately Luna has decided to join in on the fight, flying around as the dragon regains its bearings, peppering its face with miniature blasts meant to confuse and disorientate it. "Twilight Sparkle!" Luna takes a moment to address her sister's student while I fly around the dragon's head to keep it busy, dodging a burst of fire that singes my feathers. "Take the others down the mountain! Artemis and I shall deal with this beast!"

"Nasty little ponies," the dragon growls, taking a swipe at Luna for calling it a beast. "I'll crush you all!" It's calling us nasty when it was rude in the first place, what a joke. Although I'm not sure what Rainbow Dash did in order to piss it off enough to attack. Maybe if we can subdue it we can get it to calm down. It's worth a shot, at least. While it's still focused on Luna I swing down low by its legs, a cord of magical force shooting from my horn to loop around one of them. I fly around both legs once, twice, and a third time to make sure it's well and truly tangled, then plant my hooves and wait. It doesn't take long for the dragon to try and pursue Luna further, my grin fierce as the cord pulls taut. Veins bulge in my legs and neck as I struggle against its strength, sweat pouring down my face as the magic I used to anchor myself holds me in place.

"This was a bad idea," I hiss, feeling my muscles tearing and bones cracking from the strain. Still, it goes down, hard, landing with a thunderous crash, the girls having to scatter in order to avoid being crushed. Christ, why are they still here? Doesn't anyone know how to follow instructions? Luna takes the initiative while I raggedly pant for breath, using magical constructs to bolt the dragon's arms in place. I let the cord dissipate and try to catch my breath, my whole body shaking as the adrenaline drains out of me, leaving me feeling exhausted. But I forget one crucial detail. The dragon's tail. One second I'm standing there, trying to recover, and the next the tree-trunk of a limb smacks into me from behind, launching me into the six girls, who had begun to regroup after the dragon was felled. I'm left laying atop one of them, unable to move, most of my bones broken and one of my lungs collapsed. Shit, this really, really hurts.

"Oh no," I hear someone gasp, though I can't see past the darkness threatening to swallow my vision to see who it is. "How...how dare you?" What's going on? "HOW DARE YOU?!" Someone is seriously pissed off, that's for sure. "Now listen here, mister. Just because you're bigger than someone doesn't give you the right to act like a bully!" Damn, who is that? My respect for them has just grown by leaps and bounds. "You may have huge teeth, sharp scales, snore smoke and breathe fire but you do not, I repeat, you do NOT hurt! My! Friends!" Whoa. Feisty. Wait, is that Fluttershy's voice? "You got that?" Did the dragon just whimper? Seriously? "Well?"

"B-but that rainbow one kicked me a-and those two hurt me," the dragon protests meekly, my vision slowly coming into focus. Fluttershy, wow, it's actually her, is standing on the dragon's snout, glaring into its eyes with the sternest look ever on her face.

"And I am very sorry about that," the normally subdued mare apologizes on our behalf. "But you're bigger and stronger than they are and you should really know better." But she's not done yet, folks. "You should also know better than to take a nap where your snoring can become a hazard to other creatures." During this time the pony I'm on top of has taken to cradling me, checking over my injuries with their magic. Twilight? Rarity? Luna maybe? I roll my eyes upwards to see Twilight, looking really, really pale. I must look quite the mess at the moment.

"Don't move," she urges me quietly while Fluttershy continues to give the dragon what for. "Oh, sweet Celestia, you're hurt really badly, Prince Artemis." No shit, kid. "We need to get you down to Ponyville General right away!" I try to assure her that I'll be fine, but all I can do is wheeze at the moment.

"He will be alright, Lady Sparkle," Luna assures her, looking a little roughed up but no worse for wear. "Alicorns are extremely difficult to kill and his body is likely already repairing the damage this brute did to it." Yeah, I can feel my bones shifting back into place. Not the most comfortable of sensations, but it beats waiting months on end for them to heal. "Dame Fluttershy has shown more courage than I had expected from her. I suppose this just goes to show that you truly should not judge a book by its cover." Seriously, who would have figured a mare scared of her own shadow would have such spunk hidden inside of her? I catch a glimpse of the dragon leaving, our job here done apparently. "Rest now, Artemis. You have earned it." I close my eyes as I feel her magic washing over me, easing the pain. Rest sounds really good right about now, actually, so I don't think I'll argue with her about it.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Celestia breathes a sigh of relief as she watches the dragon fly into the distance, allowing herself to relax at last. She'd been on edge ever since Artemis and Luna had departed, questioning herself over the decision to send them along with the Element Bearers for this mission instead of someone more suited to the task. At the time she had reasoned that it would be an excellent learning experience for them all, but what if she had been wrong? What if they got hurt or Artemis lost control? In the end her fears seem to have been proven unjustified and she waits, expecting a certain letter from her student. It arrives within the hour by magical dragon fire and she takes her time reading it. The lesson was indeed a valuable one, though she cannot help feeling guilty upon reading that Artemis was injured. Apparently things had looked rather bleak until Fluttershy stepped up to the proverbial plate.

"I suppose I'll have to apologize to him later," she says quietly, the scroll vanishing with a soft pop of magical energy being expended, gone to join the others she has received so far. "I can already hear him telling me that he told me so." She chuckles softly, though her mirth is short lived. "Am I really doing the right thing?" She gazes upon the distant shape of Ponyville, little more than a blur of color at this distance. "No, I must have faith. Twilight and the others are strong." She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and once again finds her resolve. "They need to be for the days ahead. For all of our sakes."

Author's Note

And that closes the latest installment of Finding Artemis. As always, I hope you all enjoyed reading and I'll see you again next time. Till then, have a nice day

Huge shout outs, of course, to all my Patrons, including Calamababa, Canary In The Coal Mine, Noah Brown and Robert Prime. Shameless self promotion, away~! https://www.patreon.com/Crensler