Author's Note

And we're back with my longest chapter yet! As always, feel free to let me know what you thought of it in the comments below and I hope each and every one of you has a nice day

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Chapter 8: A Human in Princess Luna's Court

No amount of coffee, chocolate ice cream, or blows to the head can make this okay. I’m not even sure if this is actually happening right now, because I’m having a little trouble focusing as I plod along the hall escorted by the bat pony that woke me up in the first place. Turns out there’s a Night Guard. Who knew? Well, probably everyone but me, but that’s beside the point. I really hope this is some weird dream rather than what I know in my gut to be the truth. Celestia, in her infinite wisdom, decided to just line me up to take over for Luna during Night Court without even giving me the slightest bit of heads up beforehand. I am going to murder her the next time I see her, mark my words.

“Prince Artemis?” I stop mid stride, head turning slowly to glare tiredly at the guard, who’s pointing down the turn I just passed with his right forehoof. “The throne room is this way.”

“I knew that,” I lie groggily, giving my head a shake to clear the fog from my mind. No matter how it happened, I have to get my act together. She wants me to run Night Court? Fine. I’ll run the fucking Night Court. “So, how late am I?” I decide to ask, wondering if people are already waiting or what.

“Late enough that we shouldn’t tarry, your highness,” the guard replies, not waiting for me to catch up, much to my annoyance. I break into a light trot, coming abreast of the guardspony in short order, my mind slowly working through its boot up cycle as we quick-walk down the hall towards the throne room. I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but I swear to whatever god is listening that I will get Celestia back for this.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Celestia covers her muzzle with one fetlock, smothering a sneeze. By her estimate, Artemis is already on his way to Night Court, likely cursing her with every breath he takes. Not that she blames him, as her sudden departure, note or no note, was rather rude of her indeed. Still, he’d come to understand eventually, though this will likely kill whatever good will she managed to build with him the day before. But, given the report from Shining Armor that had recently crossed her desk, there was no time for formalities. Now, as for Luna… well, she is likely to bite her head off as soon as she learns the truth of their “vacation”.

“Are you certain Artemis will be able to carry out my duties?” Luna asks her for the fifth time since they departed Canterlot, forgoing their personal chariots in favor of flying under their own power. “He is only just now showing signs of recovery, sister, and I do not wish to retard his progress.”

“He will be fine, Luna,” Celestia assures her once again, the two of them traveling under the guises of pegasi, as they would be unable to avoid notice in their natural forms. “You really should try to relax and enjoy the trip.”

“A trip we are taking in the dead of night, in disguise,” Luna points out, causing Celestia to roll her eyes. “Honestly, Tia, I wonder as to the true nature of your motives.” Why does her sister have to be so savvy to her ways? It ruins the aura of mystique she tries to project when somepony decides to recklessly poke holes through it.

“You make me sound like some sinister puppeteer,” Celestia jokes, only to notice Luna raising an eyebrow at her. “Oh, come on, Lulu. You don’t truly believe the gossip mongers at court, do you?”

“No, but I do believe my own experiences and the anecdotal evidence provided by Niece Cadance,” Luna states, causing her older sister to look away, as if suddenly finding the night sky very interesting. “It seems she has grown quite accustomed to dealing with your, and I quote, ‘eccentricities’.”

“Traitorous little pink harlot,” Celestia grumbles under her breath, though there’s no real bite or venom to it. Cadance is a sweet girl, after all, and would likely only speak up if she felt she had to. Like when her dear aunt is being mysteriously cagey for no discernible reason. Damn, she’s really taught her too well. “Well, I had hoped to keep up appearances for just a bit longer, but, since you obviously have me figured out, I suppose I’ll go ahead and spill the beans.”

“Beans?” Luna sounds puzzled, causing Celestia to sigh. Right, of course Luna wouldn’t be entirely familiar with modern vernacular yet. “What does the spilling of dried food stuffs have to do with this?”

“It’s an expression, Lulu,” Celestia replies, shaking her head slightly. “It means I’ll be telling you the actual reason why we’re heading out tonight.”

“Oh, good,” Luna says, smiling slightly. “It saves me the trouble of having to pry it out of you one vague little piece at a time.”

“Am I really becoming so predictable?” Celestia asks, causing Luna to giggle.

“‘Tis the fate of all old nags, or so I hear,” the younger sibling jokes, Celestia blowing a raspberry at her in retaliation. “So, by all means, sister, ‘spill the beans’.”

“Well… “

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I stare at the now open book in front of me, my head pounding as I try to make out the complicated legalese in this supposed book for dummies. I decided to grab it in hopes it would actually help, but, from what little I can actually read, it seems Celestia simply enchanted the cover of a copy of Equestria’s tax code to change the title. Figures. Still, I doubt any amount of reading could prepare me for HOW FUCKING BORING THIS IS! My God, no wonder Luna went mad! I’ve been sitting on this throne for maybe twenty minutes and I’m already going insane. Between the tedium of nothing happening so far and my struggle to remain awake on this admittedly plush throne, I don’t know how I’ll last the entire night.

No, don’t be a quitter! Celestia wants you to make a fool of yourself, so you need to prove her wrong. I take a deep breath, sit up straight, put on my best regal expression and stare fixedly into space ahead of me, ignoring the odd weight atop my head. When I first arrived in the throne room, I was greeted by the sight of something sitting atop the throne. Two somethings, as a matter of fact. The first, and most noticeable, was a simple, golden crown. It bears no gems, no fancy filigree, just a simple, elegant, masculine design. Underneath it was a note, neatly folded and smelling faintly of day lilies. How cute. It read thusly:

Dear Artemis,

I’m certain you’ll want to burn this rather than read it, but I hope you can keep your understandable anger at me in check long enough for me to explain myself. Something came to my attention only recently, something I thought solved six hundred years ago and that could threaten the safety of our ponies if it turns out my suspicions are correct. At first I wasn’t sure what to do, but your recent suggestion gave me an idea of how I could find out for certain. Now, if you wish to atomize me the next time you see me, I certainly wouldn’t blame you. Leaving without raising a big commotion meant Luna and I had to depart in secret, otherwise the nobility would have insisted upon a formal investigation, which would defeat the purpose of trying to keep our potential enemy out of the loop. I hope you can eventually forgive me, but I’ll understand if you want nothing further to do with me after this.

You will have no doubt noticed the crown that was sitting on this note. I had it commissioned for you earlier this month, as I felt it was high time you had one of your own, my dear young prince. Put it on, act like you know what you’re talking about and you’ll do just fine. It’s how Luna and I muddled through the first ten decades of our rule, after all. Good luck, Artemis. Stay safe and trust no one, not even those that are the closest to you.

Sincerely your apologetic big sister, Celestia

An enemy she thought dealt with six hundred years ago? Trust no one? Jesus, Celestia, I’m already well on the way to being a total schizo! You’ll make me a paranoid one writing shit like that. I want to ask so many questions, like why couldn’t she have just SAID SOMETHING?! But trust no one… is she practicing what she preaches? Then why write me a note? It’s only when I gave it to a guard to dispose of it that I learned there was some enchantment on it, as the thing caught fire the moment it was passed into their hooves. So, what, did she make it so only I could read it? Christ, now I really am getting paranoid. Thanks, Celestia. Just what I needed to start off my first night in court. I can already feel my coldly regal facade starting to crack as a thousand different worries and thoughts race through my head. If I can’t trust anyone, how can I even trust the note, especially when it supposedly comes from the Queen of Trolls herself?

I’m not ready for this. I’m no leader, no politician! I’m sure I’ll just screw something up, even if I spend the whole night just sitting here with the creepy looking guards that seem to have stepped straight out of a Halloween party! No, no, calm down, Artemis, don’t let the pressure, and lack of sleep, get to you. You can do this. Just be fair, but firm, and you’ll do just fine. Nevermind the fact you killed several guardsponies who were likely friends with those standing inside the room with you, or the fact you can see where you came in through the ceiling despite the effort the construction crew likely put into repairing it. No, stop it, that isn’t helping. Take a deep breath… there, now let it out slowly. Good, and again. That’s it, just remain calm and everything will work out just—

“Your Highness,” the guard stationed to my right shatters the little bit of calm I managed to gather with just two words, though I manage not to let the mask slip this time. “We have our first petitioner. Shall I have them sent away?” She’s giving me an out? Well, I say she, but all I have to work with is a voice, considering they’re all wearing the exact same suit of armor. I guess I could have her turn around and—whoa! Okay, where the fuck did that come from? First Twilight’s butt and now this? Why is this happening to me? “Sire?”

“No, send them in,” I reply, perhaps a little curtly, steeling my resolve to the best of my abilities as the guards near the doors open them for whoever is out there. Don’t think about anything but getting through the night. Otherwise you’ll just end up worrying yourself sick. My petitioner, or Luna’s petitioner, rather, is an earth pony of noble bearing, her mane and tail styled into elegant ringlets, coat gleaming as if freshly washed and brushed. They probably have been, now that I think about it. I want to glance down at myself, suddenly self conscious, but I restrain myself admirably. If the mare is surprised to see me instead of Luna, she doesn’t show it.

“Greetings, Your Majesty,” she says, bending a knee and bowing her head to me in a formal fashion. “I am Governess Aurora, from the province of Griffish Coltlumbia.” Ugh, these fucking pony puns! Must. Resist. Urge. To snark! “It is an honor to make your acquaintance at last, Prince Artemis.” Well excuse me for not being a social butterfly. Formal dinners are a pain and not something I ever intend to make a regular part of my life. Ever.

“It’s nice to meet you as well, governess,” I reply, motioning for her to rise. That’s it, just play it cool. You’re a prince. You’ve got this. “How may the Crown assist you this… fine evening?” I almost choke on the words, as this evening is anything but fine, but somehow I manage not to vomit from an overdose of insincerity.

“Thank you for the kind welcome, your majesty,” Aurora simpers, making me want to roll my eyes. “It is good to see that you are growing accustomed to life in the modern era.” Jesus, stop kissing my ass and get on with it! “And the trust Her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia, has shown by giving you this opportunity speaks well of you.”

“Indeed,” I say, keeping my expression neutral for the time being. All this formality and we’ve barely even started discussing anything! How do they ever get anything done around here? “I am… grateful for this opportunity and hope that I will not… disappoint my elder sister in the act of carrying out the duty she has… entrusted me with.” God, the lie is bitter on my tongue, so much so that I almost grimace. Almost, but not quite. “Now, what is it you want?” I can tell my brusk tone has offended our dear governess, but honestly I don’t care. She’s wasting my time, time that could be spent getting a good night’s sleep.

“Well, your majesty, there is a matter that I could use your help with,” Aurora begins, her tone just a little less warm than it was at the start. Fine with me, so long as she hurries the hell up. “You see, as your majesty might be aware, the province of Griffish Coltlumbia is bordered by the Crystal Mountains to the north, separating us from the long isolated nation of Yakyakistan.” I nod like I understand what she’s talking about, but I have no idea what the hell Yakyakistan is, let alone that it is apparently somewhere to the north-northwest of here. “What I seek, what the province seeks, is the right to survey a section of the Crystal Mountains for mineral deposits.”

“And what section of the mountains would this be, exactly?” I ask, curious as to why this is something you’d have to bring before the Crown. Are the mountains Crown land or something? “Would someone get me a—” A map is suddenly under my muzzle, leaving me blinking down at it in surprise. “That’ll work.”

“Forgive my tardiness, your majesty,” a feminine voice says from off to my left, drawing my gaze, not to a guard, but a unicorn mare, a day planner, or night planner in this case, tucked into the crook of one foreleg while she adjusts the glasses perched on the bridge of her muzzle with a bit of telekinesis. I take a moment to look over the map, a portion of the Crystal Mountains circled, just north of the border of Griffish Coltlumbia. Neat. “My name is Silent Night, and I serve as Princess Luna’s political advisor and secretary.” She smiles politely. “Meaning that for now I am also your political advisor and secretary.” I manage not to turn into a puddle of goo in relief, though it’s a near thing.

“Yes, well, as I was saying, your majesty, we would like to begin surveying the area indicated by Ms. Night as soon as possible,” Aurora says, seeming strangely unsettled by Silent Night’s presence. “It could open up a wealth of opportunities for the region, including new jobs, and, as one of the potential investors for the project, the Crown stands to benefit from any profits made in the venture.” I let out a soft snort, this governess clearly under the mistaken assumption that I care about money. “We only need Crown approval and we can begin immediately.”

“Sounds great,” I say, folding the map and passing it off to the helpful guard from earlier. “So, what’s the catch?” My frankness seems to startle Aurora. Good. I think I see her game, so it’s time to let her know I’m not playing. “You mentioned the opportunities involved, but you’re not just asking for approval, but financial support.” This makes her look uncomfortable, as if she hadn’t expected me to catch that little bit about the Crown being a potential investor. “Ms. Night?”

“Yes, your majesty?” Silent Night stands ready, looking pleased about something, though I can’t be sure what.

“Does the Crown own the land in question?” I ask, somehow feeling I already know the answer.

“No, your majesty,” Silent Night replies, looking in her planner, likely at notes of some kind. “It currently doesn’t belong to anypony, at least as far as we’re aware, but there’s the possibility that Yakyakistan has laid claim to it as well.” And we have no way of knowing one way or the other, because, as the good governess was kind enough to point out, this Yakyakistan is isolated, meaning we likely aren’t on speaking terms with them. “Also, your majesty, Governess Aurora has come before the Crown with this request before, in Day Court, might I add.” And there it is.

Our dear governess likely came here tonight to try and get Luna to sign off on her little venture where Celestia already refused. Now, if I was feeling dickish, and admittedly I am, I could go ahead and give Aurora her approval and possibly open up the region for exploitation and create a whole slew of new jobs, and also undercut Celestia’s authority, so everyone is happy. I could also end up causing a war because I gave the okay to let ponies take resources that already belong to another sovereign nation. That is, of course, if Yakyakistan has any claim on the region in the first place. Shit, I hate politics.

“Governess Aurora,” I begin, feeling a little pissed that this noblemare tried to use me to further her own agenda when she was already told no. Not that I’d mind going head to head with old Sun Butt, but I have a feeling that I’d lose in the long run when it comes to the game of politics. I’d rather just kick the shit out of her and call it a day, but I digress. “After taking everything into consideration, I’m afraid your proposal will be shelved for the time being.”

“But, your majesty—” I hold up a hoof to cut off her protest.

“While it sounds like a good idea on paper, I can’t just give you license to go into the mountains looking for resources that might already belong to someone else,” I tell her firmly. “So, your proposal is shelved, for now. If, and only if, we can ever determine if Yakyakistan has laid legal claim to the territory in question, we can discuss it again. Good evening, governess.” Aurora bows to me stiffly, seeing my dismissal for what it was, and departs at a brisk walk, the strange guards shutting the doors behind her. Only then do I slump into the throne and let out the breath I’d been holding, feeling stressed and ready for the night to end with just that one meeting.

“You handled that very well, your majesty,” Silent Night tells me, offering me a smile of encouragement. “Governess Aurora isn’t a bad pony at heart, but sometimes she doesn’t consider the greater ramifications of her actions.”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to kiss my flank,” I say, though honestly I really am grateful for the information she provided me with just now. “It’ll take better than what Aurora can bring to the table to pull a fast one over on me.” I can’t believe that I’m grateful to Celestia for being a massive pain in my ass, but I doubt I’d have caught Aurora’s amateur attempt to pull a fast one on me otherwise.

“I was just being honest, your majesty,” Silent Night says, seeming a little put out by my response to her little attempt at patting me on the back. “From what Princess Luna has told me, you have no real experience in the political arena, yet you did better than I was expecting.”

“In other words you were expecting me to fall flat on my face,” I remark dryly, causing Silent Night to look away while lightly clearing her throat. “I’m so glad I could rise above such lofty expectations.”

“May I be frank with you, your majesty?” Silent Night asks after a few moments of awkwardly not meeting my gaze.

“Go ahead,” I reply, not really caring one way or the other.

“Very well,” Silent Night murmurs, taking a deep breath before meeting my gaze at last. “To be perfectly honest with you, Prince Artemis, I was expecting you to give Aurora permission just to spite Princess Celestia.” Oh, goody, she knows me so well. “By all accounts you are a brute, prone to being ill tempered, foul mouthed and highly disrespectful, so when I first walked in and saw you looking like you just climbed out of bed, I feared the worst.” Damn it, why didn’t anyone tell me? I could have at least taken a few minutes to make myself look presentable. “Yet you were respectful to the governess, by your standards at least, and you saw through her scheme as if it comes second nature to you. I was… impressed that you managed to resist your baser instincts and dealt with the situation as a royal should.” She adjusts her glasses and clears her throat once more. “That is all I wished to say and I will understand if you wish me dismissed from your service for my rudeness.” Oh, this is going to be fun.

“Well, Ms. Night, I guess when you spend a thousand years being tortured and manipulated by someone that is supposed to be family, you tend to pay attention to what ponies are actually saying,” I drawl darkly, causing Silent Night to shiver and pale under her coat. “Still, you’re right. I was tempted to just give her the go ahead so I could stick it to Tia, but I don’t want to involve others in our… disputes. Especially not when it could cause a war.” I let that sink in for a moment before offering her the tiniest of smiles. “And I’m not about to fire you, Ms. Night. I wouldn’t have known she was trying to play me against Tia if it weren’t for you. For that, and your honesty, I thank you.”

“Oh, well, in that case, you are welcome.” Silent Night doesn’t seem sure what else to say after that, staying silent for a bit. I don’t mind, honestly. It allows me to relax while we wait for the next petitioner to show up.

“Anyone wanna grab me a comb?” I ask suddenly, remembering my disheveled appearance. “I would kinda like to not look like a bum while—” Again, one is now floating right in front of my face before I can finish my thought. “Okay, that’s sort of creepy,” I remark while I take it from Silent Night’s telekinesis. “What else do you carry around?” I ask while working on my mane, hanging my crown off of my horn for the time being. I imagine I look ridiculous, but fuck it, I have other priorities right now.

“Just a few essentials,” Silent Night replies, pulling several items from… somewhere. I really need to look into whatever spell allows ponies to just pull objects out of thin air like that. A brush, a makeup kit, a bottle of water, and a toothbrush. “With your permission, your majesty, I’d like to help make you more… palatable.”

“...the petitioners aren’t going to be eating me, Ms. Night,” I point out dryly, causing her to give me this look, like I’d just said something tremendously stupid. “And you apparently have no sense of humor. Got it.”

“I’ll have you know that I have a perfectly good sense of humor,” Silent Night states, already working on brushing out my coat despite my lack of verbal consent. “It is simply more refined than such a crass attempt at conveying mirth can hope to match.”

“You’re one wordy little pony, aren’t you?” I remark, moving my wings so she can brush down my sides while I work on combing my tail next.

“I simply take advantage of the vocabulary my education provided me with,” she replies dismissively. “I could use smaller words, if that would help.”

“Ha, there’s that sense of humor,” I say with a grin, starting to like this mare. “So, what else is on the docket for tonight?” I decide to ask once I’m done, Silent Night finishing brushing down my coat before she shoves the toothbrush at me, which somehow has toothpaste on it despite the fact I never once saw a tube of the stuff. I sigh and take it, working on my “morning” breath while my new secretary informs me about what I have to look forward to this wonderful evening.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“Are you certain?” Chrysalis asks, leaning forward on her throne as she gazes down upon the Infiltrator that brought her the news.

“Yes, my Queen,” she replies, having just come from the palace. “The Day and Night princesses are not within the castle; and, if my source within the guard is to be believed, the Day captain will be leaving for Ponyville come the morning.”

“I see,” Chrysalis muses, thinking over what this could mean for her plans. The princesses will likely not be gone for very long, whatever the reason for their departure. As for the captain… well, at least he’ll no longer be a thorn in the side of her Drones and their efforts to collect love. He’s clever, for a pony, so him being elsewhere is most fortuitous. “And what of Artemis? Where has he been?”

“I’m not certain, my Queen,” the Infiltrator replies hesitantly. “It is difficult to gather information about the Destroyer without raising suspicion, but I do know that tonight he holds the position of overseeing Night Court.”

“Night Court? Truly?” At the Infiltrator’s nod, Chrysalis frowns. “How strange.” Has Celestia’s trust in him grown, or is this a matter of having no other choice? “He does not strike me as much of a politician.” She smirks. “I can just imagine him turning the whole court upon its head.”

“My Queen?” The Infiltrator frowns herself now, staring at Chrysalis in puzzlement. “Forgive me for my presumption, but you sound… amused.”

“Oh, I most certainly am, my child,” Chrysalis purrs. “The thought of that socially inept princeling trying to run a functioning court amuses me to no end.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Dear God, please make it stop. How long is this guy going to drone on about his fucking cabbage patches? I get it, you supply the region with vegetables that smell goddamn awful when you boil them, just get to the point! I’m fucking dying here, man! I glance at Silent Night, but she’s no help. How can she not be going crazy, standing motionless like that while this insufferable farmer continues to bang on about the importance of his fields?

“Yes!” I suddenly exclaim, having finally had enough. “Yes, of course, I understand perfectly, Mr. Weed. Your crops are quite important.” At least I’ve gotten him to shut up, offended look on his face be damned. “Now, what did you need?”

“Weren’t you listening?” Tumble Weed, dear god these names, sounds just as offended as he looks. “I told you, your highness, that the bloody timberwolves keep wrecking my southern fields!” Oh, right, he did mention something about wolves in that hour long spiel of his.

“Ms. Night,” I begin, turning my attention to the stoic mare in question. “Are there any detachments of the EUP in the area that could do a sweep of Mr. Weed’s property?” Please say yes so we can get him the fuck out of here!

“Let me see,” Silent Night murmurs as she looks through her booklet. “Ah, here we are. The First Neighagra Rangers could possibly take a look, if that would satisfy you, Mr. Weed.”

“Please, ma’am, call me Tumble,” he says with a grin. Ugh, gag me. “And that would certainly—”

“Great, it’s settled then,” I interrupt him for a second time, getting a sigh from Silent Night and a glare from the farm pony for my trouble. “Now go on, shoo. The EUP will be notified.”

“Hmph!” Tumble Weed turns his back back on me with an audible huff, the guards stiffening because he didn’t bow, before stomping his way out of the throne room. Good riddance.

“Please, dear Christ, tell me we’re done,” I plead, feeling ready to just fly through one of the stained glass windows at this point in an effort to escape the monotony. “I can’t take anymore of this!”

“That was only the second petitioner,” Silent Night reminds me, having no mercy in her it seems. “You still have six more to get through before we move on to the matter of choosing who you’ll be giving tickets to for the upcoming Gala.”

“Do what for the what now?” I ask, screwing up my face into a look of confusion, just to get how much that last bit didn’t make any sense to me at all across to her. Silent Night closes her eyes, perhaps asking whoever may be listening for patience, and takes a deep breath before focusing her gaze on me once more.

“Has no one truly spoken to you about this yet?” I give a shake of my head, causing her to sigh, again. Ponies tend to do that a lot around me, now that I think about it. “The Grand Galloping Gala is the most important social event of the year. Ponies from all over Equestria will be attending and you will be expected to make an appearance, however brief it may be.” She flips to another part of her little book. “You’ll need to have an outfit tailored, a stylist brought in for your mane, and you’ll have to choose who you will be inviting.”

“So, it’s a party for rich people,” I mutter, not all that enthused by the thought of attending. “Thanks but no thanks.”

“Prince Artemis, really, there’s no need to be so childish,” Silent Night chides me. “Attending will not kill you and you are still a prince, no matter what you do to convince everypony otherwise.”

“Oh, ha ha,” I drawl, rolling my eyes at her. “Look, I don’t care about any fancy party. Plus, I don’t really know anyone yet.” An idea occurs to me. “How many tickets do I have to give out?”

“Twelve in total,” Silent Night informs me.

“Give six to the Elements, one to a unicorn named Nymphadora that lives here in Canterlot and, I dunno, hold a charity raffle for the rest,” I instruct her, only to see her shaking her head. “What’s the matter?”

“The Element Bearers have already been gifted tickets by Princess Celestia,” she says, flipping through her book again briefly. Did Luna try the same thing or what? Whatever, it means I have eleven tickets to give away instead of five. “I can, however, safely assume that this… Nymphadora has not received one yet. Unless, of course, her family is one of our regular patrons.”

“Well, that settles it,” I say with a shrug. “Give her one and raffle off the rest.”

“Very well then,” Silent Night says while making a note of my instructions. “Anything else before we bring in the next petitioner?”

“Yeah, how long do I have before the Gala?” I ask, wanting to make plans so I don’t have to go.

“The Gala will be held five months, thirteen days from now,” Silent Night informs me, causing me to stare at her silently. “Whatever is the matter now?”

“If it’s so far away, then why did this have to be settled now?” I ask in a tone that reflects my lack of understanding. “Don’t we have more important things to worry about?”

“Which is why I was going to wait until court is finished for the evening,” Silent Night says with another sigh. “As for taking care of it now, well, honestly it is best to get these sort of things out of the way sooner rather than later. It will allow time for the guests to prepare and also make certain that more important details may be attended to without worry.”

“Yeah, fine, I get it,” I grumble, slumping down a bit as I sigh softly. “Alright then, bring in the next petitioner,” I instruct the guards while sitting up and putting on my game face. The doors open and a unicorn mare steps through them, stepping quickly as she moves further into the throne room.

“Princess Luna, there is something that—” The mare, her coat snowy white and her mane the yellow of straw, freezes up once she gets close enough, eyes widening as stares at me. First she seems shocked, then horrified and, finally, angry. “You.”

“Yes, me,” I say cheekily, wondering what her problem is. That’s when her horn lights up, seconds before a bolt of pure magical energy is launched at my face. “Whoa!” I exclaim as I raise a shield, though two more layers that pop up in front of me stop the attack cold, even as the other guards rush the mare while she’s in the middle of winding up a second shot. They tackle her to the floor, the shields protecting me remaining in place even as she kicks and fights to get her second shot off. “Hey, easy!”

“Bastard scum!” She spits, glaring at me with an emotion I’m not used to seeing in the eyes of other ponies. She hates me. Really and truly. “Let go of me!”

“Quit resisting!” One of the guards orders her. “Somepony get some binders and an inhibitor!”

“Where is the princess?!” The mare demands as they pin her down, head kept still under the hoof of one of the guards. “I demand to see Princess Luna, immediately!”

“You don’t get to make demands, lady,” a second guard grunts as she kicks him in the belly. “Where are those binders?!”

“I want to—”

“ENOUGH!” I shout in a voice that shakes the whole throne room, surprising myself. Still, I shake it off, stepping down off the throne, only to be halted by the shields. “I said enough! Lower them, now!” They follow orders, at least, lowering the shields to let me through. “Now I don’t care what you have against me, lady, but you just endangered Ms. Night and the guards with that little stunt, so now you’ve gone and pissed me off.” I glare right back at her as the mare snorts and tries to raise her head again. “I have a feeling they’ll hurt you if they have to, so quit while you’re ahead.”

“I don’t care!” She spits at me, though it doesn’t even reach my hooves. “You don’t deserve to wear that crown, you murdering pig!” Ah, I see. She must be a relative, lover, or friend of one of the ponies that died when I attacked Canterlot. “You may have changed your appearance, but I know those eyes! The eyes of the demon that killed my brother!”

“Yes, I’m the one that attacked Canterlot,” I admit freely, grimacing at the memory of it as it stirs inside me. “I hate to say it, but I don’t know who your brother even was, nor did I care at the time. I won’t bother saying I’m sorry or offering you empty platitudes. You have every right to despise me, after all.”

“How understanding of you,” she says, tone mocking me. It doesn’t matter. I did wrong by so many, and without so much as a care. “But that won’t bring any of them back, now will it?”

“Neither will revenge,” I point out coldly, unable to meet her gaze anymore. “You’ll just get yourself killed.” I wave a hoof in a dismissive arc. “Let her up.” The guards look at me like I’m crazy. “Do it.” They reluctantly comply, the mare scrambling up and readying herself to try again, but a pulse from my own horn staggers her. “Stop it. Go home and forget about revenge.” I turn my back on her, not worried about anything she can do to me. “It won’t help anyone, not even yourself.”

“I won’t ever forget,” she replies and I hear her hoofsteps as she starts for the doors. “And neither will anypony else.”

“Good,” I grunt without looking back, stepping up to the throne as the doors shut behind her. “No one should.” I take my seat and look at the gathered guards and Silent Night, looking at me with concern or disbelief, or even worse, pity. “Well? Bring in the next petitioner!”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Luna and Celestia sit at a hastily constructed campfire, a storm having sprung up mid-flight, forcing them to the ground in order to seek shelter. Alicorns they may be, but unless they want to draw undue amounts of attention, they could not do anything about the weather. Celestia had already filled Luna in on the basics of why they are out in the wilderness, such as it is, but she hadn’t really gone into any real detail beyond saying an old threat she thought dealt with may be back and they were off to investigate.

Snorting, Luna tosses a fresh bit of wood on the fire in annoyance; so much for taking a holiday. Still, she must admit that going out and doing something proactive again fills her with a sense of being useful beyond taking care of legal papers or putting her signature on some document or other. But the question still remains.

“What are you afraid of, Celestia?” She asks at last, having sensed her sister’s fears ever since the elder alicorn had let her stoic demeanor drop. “What possible threat could make you worry so?” Celestia doesn’t reply at first, staring into the flames. Her silence carries on long enough that Luna opens her mouth to try again, when Celestia looks up and meets her gaze at last. Even in disguise, the weight of the centuries her elder sister had to rule alone are felt by the younger sibling, like a heavy load placed upon her back.

“Once upon a time, a princess ruled a magical land of peace and harmony,” Celestia begins, Luna resisting the urge to sigh at the format she’d chosen for her explanation. “She tried her best to be kind, fair and just in her decisions, but she still felt the crushing weight of responsibility and loneliness that came with the crown she wore.” Celestia’s eyes were distant now, the princess lost in memory. “For although those she ruled loved her, they held her above all others and therefore felt her untouchable.” She sighs heavily. “Her aides, the guards, the nobility; none of them would speak to her like she was just another pony.” She smiles ever so slightly. “Of course, that isn’t to say it was all bad. She loved her ponies as if they were her own children and reveled in their growth as a society. Still, whether due to time or her own thoughtless inaction, there were none left who truly understood her.

“One day, however, something happened that surprised her. A suitor came to call at court, but he was unlike many of the others she’d turned away in the past.” Her expression shifts slightly, some emotion that Luna has trouble identifying overtaking it. As if bitterness and, dare she assume, happiness could be mixed together. “He was no foreign prince or local member of the nobility seeking power, but a poor farmer, offering the princess a single flower and a smile that was as warm as her sun. Many in the court found his presumption an insult, but the princess found his hopeful charm endearing.” Her smile turns bittersweet. “She tried to let him down gently, but he persisted like none had ever dared before. Day after day he would return with a different flower, and day after day he managed to gradually worm his way into the princess’ heart.

“Love cares not for titles or money, after all, so the princess decided to give this daring stallion a chance,” Celestia goes on, smile widening a touch at the memories. “He had a simple charm and was eager to get to know the mare behind the crown. Their days of courtship were the happiest the princess had known in a long time and, surprising many, including herself, her thoughts turned to marriage.” Her happiness swiftly crumbled to a scowl. “But it was all a lie. The tenderness he had shown had been a mere ruse, the creature wearing the face of a stallion having worked to lower the princess’ guard and devour the love it had fostered in her heart.” Luna shivered as she saw her sister’s eyes begin to show signs of breaking through the disguise they both wore, embers of molten fury shining through their normally calm depths. “The beast was a changeling, a parasite that uses its magic to disguise itself to feed on the love of others. However, this wasn’t just any changeling, but their queen, come to take control of the princess and, through her, her entire nation.

“But this so-called queen had underestimated the will of the princess who, in her fury and heartache, dueled the creature furiously. Their battle darkened the skies, the princess chasing the changeling queen into the west, where its children waited. Even with an army of its kin, the queen stood no chance against the rage its deception had wrought.” Celestia closed her eyes and shivered, perhaps seeking to calm herself. “Using her magic, the princess gathered the swarm of parasites up and buried them deep beneath the heart of an active volcano, trapping them there behind walls of burning magma so they could never escape.” Her shoulders slowly sag, head lowering as she gives another weary sigh. “But now the princess fears she missed something, some detail that her wounded heart had failed to notice, and that now these monsters may threaten her ponies once again.”

“Sister,” Luna murmured, stunned by this revelation, and mildly annoyed by how her sister had told the story in third person, like some trashy showmare. These changelings, fiends that they are from Celestia’s description, managed to do something that she never expected possible. Not a wound to the body or pride, but one to her sister’s very spirit. And it was also clear that Celestia suffers from the memories even to this day. “I never imagined… no wonder you did not wish to speak of this sooner.” To be so deceived… honestly, if it had been her, the creatures would have been reduced to ash, nevermind sealed under a volcano. “So these changelings may in fact be amongst us at this very moment?”

“Yes, they very well might be,” Celestia replies, frowning at the fire once more. “It’s why we’re traveling out here like this, instead of as princesses. If they are free, we can’t risk them learning that we know.”

“Yes, ‘twould be best to keep the element of surprise,” Luna agrees with a nod. “So, sister mine, what else can you tell me of these parasites?”

“I don’t know much beyond what I’ve already said,” Celestia tells her, eyes meeting hers again briefly before gazing out into the night. “They’re shapeshifters, able to disguise themselves in pony form. They feed on the love of others, though I did see their queen eating like you or I do while it was disguised. They can use magic like any unicorn and have insectile wings that allow them to fly. They’re not as fast as your average pegasus, mind you, but they are definitely more maneuverable.” She then gives Luna a helpless shrug. “Other than that I have no idea where they come from, how their powers work or even how to detect them while they’re disguised.”

“What of their queen?” Luna asks, curious about their possible foe. “It seems adept at deception, but what was it like as a combatant?”

“Not much of one, to be honest,” Celestia tells her with a scoff. “It had some measure of power, but it’d clearly never been trained to fight like you or I were.”

“That may have changed, if it even still lives,” Luna feels the need to point out. “How long ago did you seal them away?”

“Six hundred years,” Celestia replies. “I may be worried over nothing, but I’d rather lean on the side of caution in this matter.”

“I understand,” Luna says, frowning as she considers what sort of enemy they may be faced with in the near future. An insidious race of parasites, able to hide themselves in plain sight, posing as loved ones in order to gain their sustenance from unsuspecting ponies. The thought alone makes her blood boil, not to even mention what their queen did to her sister. They may have had their difficulties in the past, to say the very least, but family is family. And no creature, be it pony or demon of Tartarus, does harm to her kin. “If they have returned, we shall face them together.”

“I knew I could count on you, Luna,” Celestia says, her smile having returned, much to Luna’s relief. “But first we have to reach their prison; which, by my estimate, will take us another two days at least.”

“I wish we did not need to hide ourselves,” Luna grumbles, not enjoying the thought of taking it so slowly. “Otherwise we could be there by morning.”

“I know, sister, but we need to use stealth in this. And don’t worry about things back home,” Celestia adds, smile widening. “I’m sure Cadance and Artemis will have things well in hoof for our return.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

“...and so the Humbled and Bitless Trixie requests that the Crown seek immediate action against the insidious and spiteful Twilight Sparkle for besmirching her good name!” The flamboyant unicorn mare finishes with a deep bow, muzzle almost touching the floor. So far I’m not impressed, nor sympathetic to her plight. From what she told me, Twilight and her friends pretty much ran her out of Ponyville for, in her words, “a regrettable mistake that was in no way Trixie’s fault”. Somehow I feel there’s more to this than meets the eye and I intend to find out just what this Beatrix Moonglow Lulamoon isn’t telling me.

“I’m sorry, Miss Lulamoon, but I really can’t do anything,” I tell her, Trixie looking up in shock. “Would you like to know why?” I wait for her to nod. “Because you aren’t telling me the truth, at least not the whole truth.”

“B-but it happened just as Trixie said!” She protests, to which I raise an eyebrow. “That wicked Twilight Sparkle ruined me! Trixie lost her wagon, her livelihood and the adoration of her fans! Anytime she tries to put on a show, she is met with rotten produce and sneers when she used to be greeted with donated bits and smiles.” I can tell she’s hurt, and not just in the purse. The anger and indignation I see in her don’t appear over nothing, after all. “The Night Court of the ancient past was known for righting wrongs and meting out justice.” A student of history, I see. Also, that’s an interesting fact to know. It would explain the last few petitioners, at least. “So Trixie came to beg the mercy of the Wise and Benevolent Prince Artemis, so that he might correct this grave wrongdoing upon her person!”

“Okay, first off, Miss Lulamoon, you were hoping to speak to Luna, not me,” I point out, Trixie biting her lower lip as I step down off of the throne and begin making my way down the steps to meet her. “The second thing that catches my attention about what you told me, is the fact you seem to have left out a lot in the way of details, details that I believe are important to this case.” I resist the urge to smile as a thought occurs to me. “Of course, I could always hear about it from someone that was there. I know it’s rather late, but I doubt Twilight would mind me waking her up in this case.”

“T-T-Twilight Sparkle is here?!” Oh, she doesn’t like that fact, not at all.

“Yes, she is,” I reply, causing Trixie to shiver. “She’s my guest at the moment and I’m sure she’d be more than happy to tell me everything.” Another shiver. Good. You don’t lie to the people in charge, even by omission. “Of course, I could be persuaded to be lenient if you tell me instead.” Oh yeah, she’s guilty of something. You don’t prostrate yourself before someone if you haven’t done anything wrong.

“T-Trixie… I have something to admit, your highness,” she says, voice trembling even as her body does the same. “I may not have been entirely truthful about what transpired on the evening I… fled from Ponyville.” She retells her story, this time with a lot less exaggeration. How she arrived in Ponyville to put on a show, going into how she sought to dazzle the ponies who gathered and how she had been heckled by several ponies for her trouble. Given how she’d been speaking up until now, I imagine she’d come across as arrogant, prideful, and the hecklers likely didn’t appreciate it. Still, it wasn’t like they paid to see the show in advance. But Trixie’s response was… a bit much. She’d humiliated them from the sound of it and I can only shake my head as she admits to lying about vanquishing some terrible monster called an Ursa Major.

“That is when the trouble truly began,” Trixie tells me, shivering again, this time from the memory of that night. “A pair of overeager foals wanted to prove that I actually did as I claimed, going into the forest to find an Ursa Major.” Oh dear Christ, that must have gone so well. “They did find something, an Ursa Minor as it turned out. They came back to town, screaming in fright, and demanded that I defeat it.” She awkwardly scuffs the floor with one hoof, not meeting my gaze. “I… I couldn’t even so much as inconvenience the beast with my attempts. It was only because of Twilight Sparkle that it was subdued.” Ah, there’s the reason for her resentment. “She made it look like foal’s play, putting the infant monster to sleep and sending it back to its mother. I couldn’t stand it, being shown up like that. So I… I ran.” Which didn’t do much to help her case, I imagine.

“I see.” I stand in front of her now, a sigh passing my lips as I think over what she just told me. She wasn’t entirely at fault, of course, but some of the responsibility did fall at her hooves for the incident. But the foals were also at fault for being so tremendously idiotic. Dear God, what did their parents teach them? Not any sort of sense, from the sound of it. “Was anyone hurt?”

“Just my pride,” Trixie mutters, glancing up through the veil of her mane briefly. “The Ursa Minor also destroyed my wagon and everything I owned along with it.” Which would explain the circles under her eyes and leaner frame than I’m used to seeing among ponies. “If it wasn’t for that spinach farmer that let me spend the night in his barn, I never would have thought to come here.”

“Spinach farmer?” I ask, curious as to how speaking to a farmer had let her know to try pleading her case with the Night Court.

“Oh, yes,” Trixie replies, raising her head at last. “He gave me a meal and somewhere warm to spend the night, and all for merely sweeping his floors.” Sounds like a good stallion. “At dinner he regaled me with a story of one of his ancestors, the one who established their farmstead in the long distant past.” Interesting. “Princess Luna was instrumental in settling a dispute over rights to the land and, well, I hoped she would take my side tonight.” She sighs heavily. “It’s just as well. If she’s anything like her younger brother, she would have seen through it as well.” She bows her head once more. “I am sorry for trying to deceive you, your highness.”

“I’ll forgive you, just this once,” I say, putting on a smile for her. “But you know that you’re at fault for what happened, too, right?”

“But Trixie wasn’t the one who brought the Ursa that night!” Trixie exclaimed, her outrage bringing her unusual speech pattern back into play. “She even tried to stop it!”

“I know that!” I snap back at her, not liking the fact she’s gotten right in my face about it. “Shouting at me won’t help you any! And I didn’t say the blame lay solely with you, now did I?”

“No,” Trixie says, looking a bit like a pouting child as she backs down. Fucking ponies and being cute all the time.

“You shouldn’t have lied,” I point out, though honestly I shouldn’t have to. A grown adult should know better than to make up wild stories in a world where monsters actually exist. “I know it was just to impress the crowd, but there are apparently ponies out there just dumb enough to try and see if you could back up your boast.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, knowing she’s just upset, but damn it, shouting in my face wasn’t a very bright idea. “Honestly, those foals are lucky they weren’t killed and that I’m not their dad.” I let out a snort. “Going looking for a real live monster. I’d tan their hides for being so fucking stupid.” I fix Trixie with my best soul piercing stare. “Beatrix Moonglow Lulamoon!”

“Y-yes, your highness!” She even snaps to attention for me, how adorable.

“On the charge of reckless endangerment, I hereby find you guilty and will carry out your sentence at once,” I declare, grasping her left foreleg in my magic and drawing it up, causing her to yelp in fright. I raise my hoof and lightly tap her on the fetlock before letting her go.

“Th-that’s it?” Trixie gasps in astonishment. “Really?”

“Yup,” I reply in a more relaxed fashion. “I think you’ve already paid your dues and then some, to be honest. Losing your home and livelihood, then having to endure the ridicule of everyone you met?” I shake my head slightly. “Given that no one was injured and there was no other property damage, I’d say that what you’ve had to go through counts for more than time served.” I let out a huff. “Now these foals… if they were adults I’d probably give them some serious hard labor. But, if their parents have any sense, they’ve already likely been punished for their stupidity.”

“And what about me?” Trixie asks, frowning now that she’s recovered from her shock. “I’m still out my wagon and, well, everything else.” I feel kinda bad for her. It’s not like she meant for any of this to happen, and besides, no one but her paid the price for the stunt those foals pulled.

“What would you say to putting on a private performance?” I ask, smiling again as I think of something. Strangely, though, Trixie steps back, blushing brightly, while I hear Silent Night mutter something under her breath. “What’s the matter?”

“P-p-private?” Trixie stutters, swallowing thickly as she looks me over. “F-f-forgive me, y-your highness, b-but as much as the Great a-and Powerful Trixie i-is flattered, she isn’t that k-kind of mare.” What is she… oh my fucking God!

“W-what?” It’s my turn to stammer, heat rising in my cheeks as I step back. “No, that’s not what I meant!” I hear muffled sounds of chortling and laughter from around me, but my glare doesn’t catch any sign of which guards could be the ones behind it. “Shut up!” I snap, giving a stamp of my hoof for good measure. I’m surrounded by perverts, I swear. “I’m sorry, Miss Lulamoon, but I meant putting on one of your shows for the court.” I’m really glad none of the others are here for this. I’d never live it down otherwise.

“Oh!” Trixie’s embarrassment immediately vanishes. “A show for royalty?” Her eyes get this dreamy quality to them as she smiles broadly at the prospect. “Oh, Trixie would be honored!” She deflates somewhat, ears folding back slightly. “But… but she doesn’t have any of her accoutrements! How will she put on a show without any of her equipment?!” I see how that could pose a problem, so I direct my attention to Silent Night, who shakes her head at me while muttering something along the lines of “bloody stallions”. At least that’s what it sounded like.

“I take it you wish to… loan Miss Lulamoon some funds from the Crown’s coffers?” She asks, not looking all that enthusiastic about giving the Crown’s money away to a stage magician. I step back up to the dias and lean over to whisper in her ear.

“Look, she’s obviously had a rough enough time as it is.” I glance Trixie’s way, who’s looking at us curiously. “I’ll pay the bits back later myself, so just do me this favor, okay?” Silent Night pulls away, frowning as she considers my request. “Please?” The secretary’s will crumbles with a sigh, my face split by a grin in victory. It’s my roguish charms at work, I suppose. Such a terrible burden to bear, but… yeah, I’m full of it. Ponies are just suckers for charity.

“Oh fine,” Silent Night grumbles as I resist the urge to skip my way back to the throne. She writes out something in her little notebook and tears off a sheet of paper, which she pases to a nearby guard. “Take Miss Lulamoon to the head of finance and have the amount written down withdrawn for her, by the prince’s command.” The guard bows and makes his way to Trixie, who bows to me once more.

“Thank you so much, your highness!” She rises with a bright smile on her face, looking very grateful. “The Great and Powerful Trixie shall put on a show the likes of which has never been seen in Equestria before or since!” She proclaims with a flourish, rising to her hind legs briefly in the process. “Uh… when should Trixie plan to return to court in order to do so?”

“Before sundown tomorrow,” I reply, feeling quite pleased with myself. “This is your second chance, Trixie. Don’t let me down.” I really, really hope I’m not making a mistake, but I can’t help wanting to give her a helping hand. Hoof. Whatever. Plus ponies are too cute to look so downtrodden. I’m a sucker for cuteness, so sue me.

“Trixie promises not to disappoint,” she says, still giddy at the thought of performing for me, if that grin is anything to go by. “Prepare yourself, Prince Artemis, to be astounded by Trixie’s magical prowess!” She gives one last bow. “Till tomorrow night!” She then departs with the guard and I’m still smiling long after she’s gone.

“Are you certain about this?” Silent Night asks after a bit. “She could very well just take it and run, you know.”

“Well, if she does, I’ll personally scour Equestria for her,” I begin, stepping down from the throne and stretching a bit. “But I have a good feeling about this, Ms. Night. She won’t run, at least not this time.”

“Very well,” Silent Night says in a way that practically screams “it’s your funeral”. “Well, your highness, that was the last petitioner of the evening. Normally at this time Princess Luna would return to her quarters and attend to any documents that require her signature, then go about her other nightly duties.” Being dream patrolling, as I recall.

“Oh, lovely,” I grumble at the thought of paperwork. “I can still barely read and you want me to sign legal documents.”

“Don’t be absurd,” Silent Night scoffs. “I’m well aware of your current reading level, and you’re nowhere near ready for such responsibilities. Your evening is yours to do with as you see fit.” She snaps her notebook shut for emphasis. “Congratulations on not burning the palace down during your first night on the job, your highness.”

“Yay,” I drawl, working out a kink in my neck before heading down the stairs from the dais. “Well, if you need me, I’m going to be catching up on my sleep.” I give everyone a half hearted salute. “Thanks for the lovely evening, ladies and gents. Let’s never do this again.” I then make my exit, a certain bed calling my name in seductive tones.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The doors shut behind the departing Artemis, silence left in his wake. The guards exchange looks, while Silent Night frowns her displeasure at the now shut portal leading into the halls.

“He does know he’s running court again tomorrow, right?” One brave guard decides to ask, looking at her compatriots for support. “Right?” Silent Night, meanwhile, removes her glasses with her telekinesis and rubs the space between her eyes gently with one hoof.

“Bugger.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The next morning sees Canterlot in fine spirits. Ponies go about their business without a care in the world and a certain pair of siblings make their way to the station, intent on catching the next train bound for Ponyville before the sun gets too high.

“I can’t wait to introduce you to my friends,” Twilight gushes, clearly excited to have her brother along for the trip. “They’re certain to like you, I’m sure of it.”

“I don’t know about that,” Shining Armor mutters, thinking about what he has in store for her friends and how their feelings towards him will likely trend as a result. “Remember, Twily, this isn’t a vacation. Princess Celestia is sending me to Ponyville on assignment.”

“I know, BBBFF, but I can’t help it,” she replies as they approach the ticket booth. “We’ll be able to spend time together again for the first time in months! Oh, I just wish we had time to see mom and dad before we leave.”

“Yeah, well, I’m on a bit of a tight schedule,” he reminds her, paying for their tickets and joining her on a bench to wait for the train to arrive. It wasn’t a lie, not really. Besides, he didn’t need more pointed questions from their mother, Twilight Velvet, about when he plans on marrying Cadance. She could really be such a pain that way, Faust bless her heart. “And you know we’d be there all day with all the questions they’re sure to have about your time in Ponyville.” He gives her a curious look. “You… have been writing to them, right?” His sister squirms, causing him to frown. “Twily, I’m surprised at you.”

“I know, I’m a bad daughter,” Twilight groans, covering her face with her hooves. “But so much keeps happening and I keep forgetting to as a result!”

“Relax, LSBFF, I’m just giving you a hard time,” Shining Armor says, ruffling her mane playfully, a chuckle escaping him as she lightly swats his hoof away with an exaggerated pout. “We can both write them once we get to Ponyville, okay?”

“Alright,” Twilight agrees, smiling once more. “So, what is this assignment the princess is sending you on?”

“Sorry, Twily, it’s confidential,” Shining Armor says, puffing out his chest with a false sense of self importance. “If I told ya, I’d have to kill ya.”

“Oh, please.” Twilight rolls her eyes. “Everypony knows that spy thriller nonsense is just that. Come on, I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

“Well, if you really promise,” Shining Armor begins hesitantly, “then I guess I can let you in on it.” He then tells her about his assignment, leaving a frown on the younger mare’s face.

“Training?” Twilight’s tone shares the puzzlement she’s feeling wearing right out on her sleeves, so to speak. “I guess I can see the logic behind it, but we’re not exactly soldiers.” She tilts her head slightly. “Though Rainbow Dash does want to join the Wonderbolts one day, so I imagine she’d be up for it at least.”

“Well, it’s an order from the princess herself,” Shining Armor says, not exactly looking forward to putting Twilight and her friends through basic himself. “It wouldn’t be smart to refuse.” His ears flick as he hears the train making its approach. “Oh, here’s the train.” He picks up their bags in his telekinesis. “We can discuss it further on the trip there.”

“Right.” Twilight gets up and waits with him, the train eventually coming to a stop and letting off passengers, then letting on those waiting to board. They eventually find their seats, the siblings settling in for the ride. The train is only minutes out of the station when Twilight gives a horrified gasp. “Oh no!”

“What, what is it?” Shining Armor asks, horn glowing with his power as he prepares to defend her from any possible threat.

“This is just terrible!” Twilight exclaims, turning in her seat and gazing at the already shrinking Canterlot. “I forgot to ask Prince Artemis all the questions I had prepared!” Shining Armor stares at the back of her head, the light of his magic winking out as his brows lower in a deadpan expression.

“You seriously make me wonder sometimes, little sis.” He settles back into his seat, making himself comfortable. “You really do.”

“But the existence of extraterrestrial/extradimensional beings could be the greatest discovery in the entire history of science!” Twilight exclaims, while Shining Armor rolls his eyes.

“This is Artemis we’re talking about, right? The most foul mouthed, bad tempered pony I’ve ever met?” He scoffs at the notion. “Give me a break.”

“But Shining, think of the possibilities such knowledge could open up!” Twilight exclaims, giving him a little shake for emphasis.

“No thanks, sis,” Shining Armor remarks, leaning his head back against the seat and closing his eyes. “That’s more your thing, remember?” Twilight turns away with a sigh, staring out the window forlornly at the passing scenery.

“I just hope I get another chance sometime soon,” she sighs, thinking about all she could learn. “Who knows what wonders lay out there to be discovered beyond the stars?”

“If it’s more loud, angry aliens, you can count me out,” Shining Armor mutters.

“Oh, quit being so negative,” Twilight says with a huff. “Just because Prince Artemis can be a bit of a grump doesn’t mean his entire birth species is the same way.”

“Just try not to get your hopes up, little sis.” Shining Armor sighs wearily, not looking forward to his new assignment. Still, it wouldn’t be all bad. He’d meet her friends, maybe do some catching up, even see what Ponyville has to offer before starting their training. Who knows? Maybe he’ll even enjoy himself.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Pinkamena Diane Pie hums merrily to herself as she busily works behind the scenes to help the Cakes, the simple joy of making sweet treats for others bringing a smile to her face. Nothing unusual about that, of course, but many would say the opposite about the mare herself. Pinkie Pie, as she prefers to be called, is considered by many to be a bit of an odd duck. Of course she’d say she’s not a duck, silly, but instead just your regular old party pony. Regardless, one would have to admit that she possesses several unique qualities, one of which a new friend of hers has yet to discover.

The Pinkie Sense is a widely known phenomenon in Ponyville, so much so that whenever ponies witness her in the middle of one of her “fits”, they don’t question that whatever it portends will come true. So, when Mr. Cake, carrying a freshly baked tray of muffins, spots Pinkie freezing up, only for her ears to flop, tail to twirl and hind left leg to kick, he immediately sets the tray down to see what’s the matter.

“What is it, Pinkie?” He asks, concerned for several reasons. This is a particular “fit” he has yet to see, after all, so it could literally be anything. Anything. “Nothing bad, I hope.”

“Oh! Em! Gee!” Pinkie exclaims once the twitches and so on pass, bouncing on the tips of her hooves excitedly. “It’s totally splendorifically good news!” She cheers, much to his relief.

“Well, that’s nice,” he says with a smile. “So, what is it then?”

“Somepony new is coming to Ponyville,” she announces, giggling in glee. “And it’s somepony’s secret big brother~!”

“A secret big brother?” Mr. Cake tilts his head, a little curious to say the least. “I wonder why they’d be a secret.”

“Because he wasn’t written into the story until the end of season two, duh,” Pinkie replies, as if that bit of nonsense, to Mr. Cake at least, was supposed to be perfectly obvious. “Now I’ll get to throw him a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party!”

“That’s nice, Pinkie,” Mr. Cake remarks, chalking up the first part that didn’t make sense up to Pinkie just being Pinkie. “You take these muffins out to the front and I suppose I can take care of things here with the missus if you want to go make your plans.”

“Thanks ever so muchly, Mr. Cake!” Pinkie cheers, causing the older stallion to chuckle at her enthusiasm. “I can’t wait to get started~!”

“You have a good time now,” he says while she takes the muffins out front, shaking his head once she’s well and truly gone. “Poor fellow won’t know what hit him.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Shining Armor sits up suddenly as a chill runs down his spine, Twilight too busy reading a book she’d taken from her own bags to notice.

“...why do I feel like somepony just walked over my grave?”