Author's Note

Warning, this is loosely edited and may remain so for some time.

Second warning, this is a crackfic, while I will try to avoid some tropes and keep it somewhat grounded, expect ridiculousness and plotholes

Anyways, this is an idea that keeps refusing to die and I finally figured out how to format it to where I don't have to write a bazillion chapters.

Prologue: The Deal.

Alchemy is profit!

MLP:Alchemy is profit!

===/===

I woke to a loud deep groan. A dark haze obscured the world for as far as I could see. I looked down only to see nothing but a dark void.

The world groaned again. This time a pair of enormous red eyes appeared out of the darkness, fixated on me.

It groaned again, this time my head was filled with a chorus of voices, hundreds in indecipherable languages.

“Um… hello?” I tentatively asked.

It groaned in response, the voices becoming clear in my head.

“Oh good that’s much better.”

The eyes blinked, an unseen mouth grunted, a thought was projected in my mind.

“Great so you want me to do something for you.”

Another grunt in affirmation. In an instant, plans, arcane knowledge, and more flooded through my mind. I felt my head swell before finally everything settled down and it was all clear to me.

“Right got it. Create a doorway, summon you and bring about 10,000 years of darkness in... wait seriously?” I said, realizing where this thing wanted to takeover.

A grunt, yes.

“I mean, isn’t it kind of cliched?” I responded, finding myself oddly more intrigued than scared. Don’t get me wrong, I should be terrified but the whole proposal was so absurd.

It groaned loudly.

“Ok OK, Fine, what’s in it for me?”

A blink, and another grunt.

“Eternal life, rule by your side, all the debauchery I could ever want? Ok I get that but is that it?”

The ancient entity grunted again.

“OH a pony body? Well I guess I could see the use in that, after all it would make everything a whole lot easier.” I mean I wasn’t necessarily going to say no, it was like the dream of 78% of all bronies.

It rolled its eyes.

Suddenly a muzzle appeared in my field of view. Reaching up, I tapped a blue hoof against it. Something ruffled on my back. Pivoting in my suspended place I was in, I could see a pair of teal wings connected to a fuzzy teal back with a black mane and tail. Looking down, which was surprisingly easy due to my longer neck, I saw where my junk would be, well hidden under a layer of fur and skin. I tapped it just to be sure everything was all there.

“So a pegasus, I guess that's cool, you couldn’t make me like an alicorn princess or something, maybe a unicorn, I mean if i’m going to such a girly place maybe I should have the right equipment?”

It groaned angrily.

“I’m just saying, it’d be a lot easier if I could have a magical unicorn on unicorn hookup with one of the princesses, no?”

Another angry groan.

“OK OK don’t throw a hissy fit, I like it. So how what now, I wake up in Ponyville or the Everfree or something?”

It grunted.

The world spun, something hard and yellow came rushing up to meet my face. A brief bit of pain and the world went black again but for a totally different reason because my new dark lord is an idiot with no sense of directions.