A Horse Walks Into a Bar...

“Principal Luna, honestly...”

“Hush now, Flash. Now, do as I say...” The Principal gave Flash a hard look, and he gulped as he kept on applying pressure to his head with an ice pack.

“I didn’t even get hit in my head...”

The Vice Principal crossed her arms. “What was that, young man?”

“Er—nothing!”

Across the teachers lounge, Sunset Shimmer and Principal Celestia were talking with the police officers who had arrived on the scene. The Principal talked to one while Sunset was being interviewed by the other. More like being grilled, Alan thought as he watched the blue haired officer fire question after question into the teenager, who squirmed and had her cheeks flushed all the while. What were their names again? Shining something and Shield whatever? It didn’t matter—Alan had already given them his report. He sat on a couch on the far side of the room.

With clasped hands and unfocused eyes, a single thought plagued his mind: Somebody kidnapped Caramella. The biggest question popped into his head first—who? He had an idea of course, the guy who was driving that unmarked car was the person who did the actual act, but Alan didn’t know who he was or why he did it. Was it really some sort of government agent like he had originally thought? Or was it somebody else, an unknown third party perhaps? If that were the case how did they know about him? And why did the man’s eyes widen when he saw Alan, as if he was surprised by his appearance?

Alan’s face sank into his palms and he groaned. There were too many questions and just not enough answers. And now it was his fault that Caramella was in the hands of someone who probably thought they snagged the steal of a lifetime. His thoughts turned to the little pony and he wondered how she was feeling. He pictured her locked away in a room, scared and frightened.

The image made his blood boil.

If whoever kidnapped her hurts her I’m going to break their goddamn neck, he thought.

“...H-hey... this seat taken?” Alan felt a weight settle next to him. He sat up to see Sunset sitting next to him with a nervous smile.

He took a calming breath, then shrugged.

“Um... look, about earlier—”

Alan held up a hand. “Look... whatever you were doing, it’s water under the bridge, just as Flash said. Alright?”

“What? It’s not alright!” Her voice dropped to a hiss. “I almost impaled you on a broken window!” The teenager looked at him with wide eyes. Scared eyes. “I made a huge mistake and I want to apologize for it! What I did was stupid and—and I’m sorry.”

Alan almost recoiled at the sight of budding tears. Thinking quickly, he awkwardly laid a hand on the girl's shoulder. “Hey, kid, listen... it’s fine. I accept your apology, okay? Now, uh, wipe up those tears before the Principal turns our way and gets suspicious.”

“Er, right...” Brushing her eyes with a jacketed sleeve, she said, “Er, sorry about that...”

Alan couldn’t help himself; he smirked. “You seem to do that a lot, I notice.”

Sunset stared up into the ceiling with a sorrowful expression on her face. “I suppose I do, don’t I?” Pivoting her head, she asked, “Would you believe me if I told you that back in the past I would’ve hurt somebody without a second thought? Only thinking for myself.”

“Yeah, I can kinda see that,” Alan said dryly.

Sunset sighed. “I used to be a total bitch. Taking what I want and putting down anybody who got in my way.”

“Well, what changed?”

“I found friends,” Sunset said. “As simple as that. And I owe it to them to be there when they need me. They’re the ones that have helped guide me down a better path. Thanks to them I’ve learned to see the value in things like loyalty, generosity, honesty, laughter, and kindness.”

Alan might have laughed at how cheesy that sounded in other circumstances, but the conviction in Sunset’s voice told him that she held to these concepts like they were bedrock. He couldn’t help but smile.

“I can see you value friends pretty highly. Heh, enough to beat the crap outta anybody after them. By the way, you’ve got a hell of a grip, Sunset.”
Sunset groaned. Alan laughed. “Hey, at least you have friends to look out for you kid. I sure as hell never had that back in high school. The few I did manage to have moved away or, worse, we didn’t mesh well once we got into high school.”

“It’s never too late to make some new friends,” Sunset said. Before Alan could reply, the cops spoke up.

“Alright everybody, we’ve got what we need. We’ll keep an eye out for this perp, you have my word. Nobody messes with my sister’s friends when I’m on watch,” the one with the blue hair said. His partner rolled her eyes.

“Alright Shining, you big damn hero, c’mon. Let’s get going, before you start spouting off cheesy superhero quotes.”

“Awww, fine.”

And with that, the two officers were gone, leaving Alan alone with the two Principals, Flash, and Sunset. What do we even do next? An awkward silence took hold of the room. The Principals seemed to be having a silent conversation with one another again while Sunset eyed Flash, who didn’t seem at all phased by the lack of talking. Finally, it was Principal Celestia who broke the moment.

“Erm, well... now that this business has all been settled...” She turned to Flash. “Why don’t you go home, Flash. You’ve had a long—”

“Settled?” Flash tossed his ice pack onto the counter. “Settled? Alan’s truck was wrecked and his dog got kidnapped.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry Principal Celestia, but that’s not settled in my book.”

“Er, Flash,” Sunset said. “I don’t think getting involved is such a good idea.”

Flash frowned. “And why not?”

“Er, well...” Sunset flashed the Principals a pleading look.

Luna stepped in. “I’m sorry, Flash. While I commend you for your selflessness, I’m afraid we can’t divulge all the details to you. They concern Alan, Celestia and I, and Ms. Shimmer as well.”

“But—” Flash grit his teeth. He crossed his arms and looked down at the floor. Alan quirked an eyebrow. Then Flash’s head sprung up so fast Alan thought he was part bobblehead.

“Is this one of those pony things?”

“WHAT!” Celestia and Luna looked as though they’d been slapped, with wide eyes and gaping mouths like a fish. Sunset gaped as well, switching from Flash to the Principals. She muttered something under her breath. Flash just scratched his head.

“How?” Sunset asked. “How do you remember that? I thought... I thought we did—all of our calculations should of been correct!”

“Uhh...” Alan raised his hand, and all three women looked at him. “Can somebody please tell me why you’re all freaking out?”

“Uh, yeah. Me too,” Flash said, smiling sheepishly.

Sunset took this one. She got up and started pacing around the room. “Alright... okay... how do I explain this?” She turned to Flash. “First, how much do you remember?”

“Uhhhhm... all of it?” He shrugged and started listing things on his fingers. “I remember Princess Twilight, the whole battle of the bands siren she-bang. Oh, and the Friendship Games. Can’t forget something like that even if I tried.”

Alan frowned. Caramella didn’t mention a Princess Twilight.

“So, why does he know about all this crazy stuff? Because, come to think of it, I tried researching Canterlot on the way here and—considering some of the stuff he spouted out and my own findings—this town is a hell of a lot more calm about, y’know, parallel dimensions and the like,” Alan said, pointing a finger.

“That’s because I did a spell that should of suppressed those memories—”

“Wait—what? What do you mean you did spells?”

Sunset ignored him. “Not too long after the Friendship Games, I started thinking that, well, Earth wasn’t ready for magic. Not yet anyways.” She shook her head. “So, I started sending my thoughts over to Princess Twilight—and yes, I’m an ex-pony turned human. Yes, it’s kinda weird I bet and, yeah, there’s a magical pony princess in the other world called Princess Twilight.”

“Hoooooly shit...”

“Mhm, yeah.” She nodded. “Anyway, I started sharing my thoughts with the Princess and she agreed with me that magic was getting waaay too out of control over here. With that in mind, we started working on a way to wipe the slate clean. It took us awhile to gather all the materials and plan out exactly what we were going to do, because here on Earth neither me or the Princess have very much magic. Doing a simple charm or maybe levitate a pencil? I’m your girl. Anything else? Not possible unless there’s a magical energy source to draw from nearby.”

“So with that in mind, me and her created a magic circle around the outskirts of Canterlot, which by the way was a total pain in the rear. The Princess charged up gemstones in Equestria—where I’m from—and I marked out the locations around the city. With some charged gemstones and our combined magical prowess we were able to cast a large scale memory modification spell. Even with all that energy though, it took a lot out of both of us.”

“That being said, we made sure the spell worked on a need-to-know basis. Only me, my friends, and the two Principals were supposed to be the exceptions. Everybody else in the Canterlot area was supposed to have their memory wiped. Of course, we knew that it wasn’t fool proof. You guys have cameras and stuff like that, and the spell doesn’t work on those.”

“Every once in the while we get an amateur conspiracy theorist crop up around the school. But people usually look at them as that—conspiracy nuts following the latest hoax trail down to Canterlot,” Luna added.

Sunset nodded. “I figured that going through with the spell was better than nothing. If word got out about all of the crazy stuff going on here I don’t doubt that Canterlot would become like a second Area Fifty-One or something.” She turned back to Flash. “Where exactly were you when we cast the spell? Have you told anybody? Anybody at all?”

“Uhh, run the date by me again. And, no, I haven’t. I tried bringing it up a few times at school, but I stopped pretty quick once I realized that nobody seemed to remember anything. I got some weird looks for a while.”

“Around late June. The day school got out.”

“Ooooooooh. That makes sense. I was out of town visiting my grandmother.”

Sunset looked skeptical. “Really?”

“A-huh. Lemme tell you, for a blind woman she’s got remarkable Wii bowling skills—”

Principal Luna cleared her throat. “I fear we may have strayed away from more pressing issues that need attending. Now that we know that everybody in the room is on the same page, may we move onto our little pony problem?”

“Pony problem?” Sunset asked.

Alan sat up. “Um, yeah. So... as it turns out I found a pony. Not, like, a pony turned human like you, Sunset—God, that’s something I’d never thought I’d say—but, I’m talking a tiny, furry equine the size of a dog.” Sunset’s face turned incredulous. “Let me start at the beginning...”

Alan launched into his tale once again. By the time he was done Sunset had done at least ten circuits around the room. Flash had a thoughtful look on his face.

“Oh no, oh no no no... this is bad. Really bad.” Sunset started to twirl locks of her fiery hair between her fingers. “Stupid, stupid! I should of thought that somepony might have fallen into one of those portals.”

“Relax, Sunset.” Principal Celestia stopped the pacing teen with a gentle hand on the shoulder. “There’s no way you could've known about another portal hundreds of miles away.”

“And besides,” Luna spoke up, “we had a hard enough time keeping an eye on the numerous gateways opening up here at Canterlot High.” She shuddered for a brief moment. “I don’t want to think about what would've happened if one of you had fallen in.”

“Yeah.” Sunset sighed. “I guess you’re right. Still, this doesn’t make much sense. How can somepony from Equestria go fall into a portal and not turn human? And I’m not even going to try and explain the time dilation. Just trying to make sense of that is giving me a headache.”

“Hmm...” Flash drummed his fingers over the counter, catching the attention of everyone. “Well, haven’t we seen people going through the portals before and not changing?”

“What?” Sunset asked.

“Go on.” Principal Celestia motioned with her hand.

“Hear me out. Look, I don’t know much about the true portal here at CHS, but I was in the crowd during the Games. You all might have been focused on keeping an eye on Twilight, but I remember seeing a few people fall into some of those cracks. Granted, they didn’t fall in all the way, but most of their bodies were in the other world, and they didn’t get turned into a, uh... a pony. Maybe without a proper portal you don’t get transformed. I mean, I could be wrong about all this, I’m just guessing. You’re the magic expert here.”

“No... that makes perfect sense actually. Huh, nice going, Flash.”

To his credit, Flash only blushed a little.

“It doesn’t take the timey stuff into account, but it might explain how Caramella didn’t lose her pony form. When Twilight—” Sunset glanced at Alan. “—er, a different one. Don’t worry about it. Anyway, when Twilight accessed all of that Equestrian magic she had a bunch of power at her disposal, but she had no clue how to control it. There was no finesse to her magical abilities. Therefore, when she was opening up those gateways it was like somebody taking a sledgehammer and screwdriver to a slab of marble to try and sculpt something out of it. The actual portal, on the other hand, has some complex and very sophisticated spellcasting worked into it. It takes into account the destination and transforms the user to best suit it. Probably the time as well, now that I think about it. I’ll have to look into that later...”

“Alright, this is great and all, but we still have one major problem.” Alan crossed his arms and said, “We don’t know who took Caramella or why.”

Alan looked down at his feet. Just saying those words were enough to make his morale nosedive.

“Sunset?” Principal Celestia asked.

“Yes?”

“Perhaps you would be willing to lend some... magical assistance?”

“You mean use a spell to find her?”

“Precisely.”

Sunset bit her lip. “I dunno. Tracking spells aren’t exactly high level, but the amount of energy required to constantly hold the spell is more than I currently have. Like I said, that spell we did took a lot out of me. I’m still not back at one hundred percent, and even then that isn’t that good.”

Flash snapped his fingers. “Can you do the spell at least once or twice without having to hold it?”

Alan’s head perked. If he was following Flash’s line of thought correctly...

“Well, yes—wait a minute, you want me to ping for her location, right? Like a satellite dish?”

“Exactly! Though, I was thinking about bats when I said that, but satellites work too.”

“Shit, he’s right.” Alan jumped to his feet. “Sunset, you can ping for her location and then I can go get her back.” He clenched his fist. “I won’t let them get away with her.”

Sunset scoffed. “You? As in, alone? No way are you going out there alone. I’m coming with you,” Sunset declared, fire in her eyes.

“Me too,” Flash piped up. “There’s no way you’re going out there without backup!” He grinned, and then chuckled. “And besides, you don’t even have a car. You’re going to need wheels, man.”

“But—”

Sunset stepped next to Flash, a stern expression on her face. “Caramella’s a fellow Equestrian, and as one myself I have to be there to help her. Besides, I’ll need to be on the move when I’m pinging for her or else you’ll only end up with vague directions.”

“But—this could be dangerous! What if you two get hurt, or worse?” Alan turned to the Principals. “You guys agree, right?”

The two sisters looked at each other.

“...While me and my sister agree that there are dangers involved...” Celestia started.

“We do find that those two make compelling arguments. Besides, even if you were to go it alone, you’d have no clue where to go. Flash and Sunset have both been living in Canterlot for years. They’ll have inside-out knowledge of the city streets—valuable information,” Luna finished.

Flash Sentry jumped over and threw an arm around Alan.

“H-hey!”

“Besides, if there’s a dangerous mission going on you’re going to need your friends!”

“W-What? I only met you this morning! How can you say we’re friends already? That’s not how it works!” He stared up at Flash then glanced at Sunset, who was laughing into her hand.

Flash only grinned in response. Alan disentangled himself from the guy and threw a hand against his forehead. He had never expected this much help from virtual strangers. He had known Flash for less than six hours, Sunset for less than a half hour. And now they were willing to plunge themselves into the unknown with him already?

Sunset snickered. She patted Alan on the shoulder. “You’ll get used to it. Trust me, it’s not so bad having some friends to watch your back.”