A Horse Walks Into a Bar...

by ThePoneDrome

Tension Rising

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Walking into the school, Alan was immediately grateful for the rising shift in temperatures. He shook off his shivers as he followed Flash and Vice Principal Luna up a small staircase. Vice Principal Luna... Luna... what a coincidence, he thought, thinking of what Caramella told him about another similarly named person, or pony, rather.

Soon they found themselves entering a brightly lit hallway. Lockers ran along the sides and colorful, cheerful banners hung strewn about every so often. Further along, Alan could make out what looked to be a circular room with stairs. A lobby, he thought.

“Well, I trust that you’ll be able to show our guest around, Flash? I’d love to stick around but I have to get back to my sister and deliver her her latte.”

“Sure, no problem.”

Turning back to Alan, she said, “Mhmm, it was good to meet you, Alan. Please, feel free to warm yourselves up as long as you like. Goodbye now.” With that, she waved and strutted down the hallway, past the lobby, and out of sight, presumably into the offices.

“So,” Flash said, “Follow me, eh? I guess we’ll start at the library and work our way from there.”

“Sounds good to me, I guess.” Alan said, his eyes still focused on where Luna had left. There was a good chance Celestia was right there as well...

Flash appeared, snapping his fingers. “Hey, Alan, c’mon buddy! Snap outta it!” He smirked. “I know the vice principal’s pretty and all, but come on.” Flash headed off towards the library and Alan followed.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Flash gave Alan a full tour of the school. The Library was extravagant, he couldn’t believe that it was a school library. Flash explained that the school had a very generous donation by an alumni called Filthy Rich some years ago. There was something about his daughter as well, but Alan found himself too anxious to pay attention. If the principals didn’t have a clue about what he was talking about, he would be back at square one in a city he didn’t know very well. Finding another lead could take days. Maybe even weeks. And just like this one, he thought, had the possibility of leading nowhere as well.

All throughout the rest of the tour, his gut tied up into a knot at the thought of talking with not just one principal about alternate dimensions, but two of them. He was going to have to drop the lie soon. Very soon. And even then there was a chance that they had not a single clue as to what was going on and he’d be kicked out with no more leads to follow.
Soon the band room and cafeteria and a myriad of other facilities flew past Alan. When he finally freed himself from his thoughts, Alan found himself in the lobby next to Flash and a trophy case.

“...one was won by our quarterback, Thunderlane. It was a pretty intense game.” Flash leaned in close and muttered, “One guy even lost a tooth.

“...A-huh...” Looking for a way to buy himself time, Alan pointed towards a trophy at random. “And what about that one?”

“Huh? That one?” Flash looked at the large trophy, a label underneath read Friendship Games. “Oh, that one. It’s from this big competition CHS had against our rival school... Crystal Prep.

Alan was surprised, this was the first time all day that Flash sounded less than enthused about something. “And they are...?”

“Only the jerkiest school in existence,” he growled, folding his arms. “Crystal Prep used to beat Canterlot High at, well, pretty much everything. For years they were on top, acting all high and mighty.”

“Used too? What’s that all about though?”

Suddenly, Flash’s smile came back in full force. “Yeah, used too. A couple of months ago, Canterlot High kicked their asses from here to Hong Kong in the Games. I remember the whole school celebrating before classes were let out for the year. Hard.

Alan furrowed his brow. “When exactly did the games happen again?”

“Uhh... sometime in late May,” Flash said. “Why? That important or something?”

Alan waved flash off and pretended to look at the trophies again. Holy shit! The dates between these games and that article I read line up perfectly. Alright, now I’m sure Canterlot High is the place. It has to be. Only question now it whether the principals are in on this or what. His thoughts turned to Caramella. I've wasted enough time as it. Alright, time to find Celestia and come clea—

“Oh, hello boys,” Luna said, walking down the hall. She’d lost the ponytail and jacket, looking more like a principal. “I see you’re still here. Admiring the Friendship Games trophy, huh?”

Flash made to say something but Alan cut him off first. “Vice Principal Luna... we need to talk. You, me, and the principal, Celestia. Privately.” He gestured to Flash.

“Huh? What’s going on?” Flash asked.

“Nothing major,” Alan lied. “Just... it’s personal stuff, okay?”

Flash nodded. “Oh... well, okay.”

Alan turned back to the vice principal. Her face was a stony mask—unreadable. Alan thought he saw a hint of nervousness in her eyes though.

“Very well... if you wish to meet with me and my sister, so be it. Come. Follow me.”

Alan gave Flash one last wave before following Luna down the hallway and into a series of offices. She led him through a door labeled Principal Celestia. Alan took a deep breath before stepping on through and closing the door behind him.

A woman with three tone pastel colored hair—pink, blue,and green—sat behind a wide wooden desk. Various knickknacks and office supplies were spread across the desk. A coffee cup sat right next to her. The woman removed a pair of reading glasses as she looked up from a series of paperwork. “Yes, hello, may I help you?”

Luna spoke before him: “Yes. It seems that Mr. Alan here has something he wishes to speak to us about. Something personal...” She stood behind the desk, next to her sister.

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Well, I’m not sure how much help we can be, but we can certainly try. Are you here because you wish to enroll one of your children—”

Taking a seat, Alan waved one of his hands. “Er, no. I don’t have any kids.” He took a deep breath and decided to rip off the bandage.

“What do you two know about magic portals?”

There was an instant change in the atmosphere. The room suddenly became quiet, as if they had been transported into the vacuum of space. Both of the principals had stony masks on. No one said anything. Alan immediately thought he had fucked everything up. Then the two sisters shared a look with each other, like they were having a silent conversation with only their eyes. Before Alan could process it, Luna spoke up.

“I-I’m sorry. Could you repeat that one more time please? It sounded like you said—”

“Do either one of you know about magical portals?” Alan repeated, feeling less confident this time. “Portals that happen to spew out strange creatures from distant, magical kingdoms...?”

Silence once more. “Did one of our students put you up to this? If this is some kind of joke—”

“Luna,” Celestia cut her sister off, making Luna turn to her. “Give it up. He knows.”

“B-but, sister... he knows about the gateway! Nobody is supposed to know about that! Su—” Luna suddenly stopped mid sentence. Whatever she was going to say, she thought better of it. Gateway? Alan thought.

Celestia slowly ran a hand over her face, as if she knew that she would have to have this conversation eventually. “It was eventual, Luna. There was no one hundred percent guarantee that it would keep somebody from finding it all out.” She looked up into Alan’s eyes. “What do you want? Are you here to shut down the school?”

“Wha—”

Celestia stood up proud and tall, her gaze hardening further. “You may shut down our school, that’s fine—but if you think for a moment that we will allow you to get your hands on any of our students then you’re sorely—”

“I”M NOT HERE TO SHUT DOWN YOUR SCHOOL!” Alan yelled. Realizing his outburst, he tried to salvage the situation with a sheepish smile. He held up his hands. “I-I didn’t come here to do that, I promise! I’m on your side! I swear!”

Slowly, Celestia sat back down, but her eyes didn’t leave him. Luna looked confused. “...So... you aren’t from the government then?”

Shaking his head, Alan said, “No, I didn’t lie to you back there Ms. Luna. I’m just a bar owner like I said. I came down here because... well, I need your help.” He let out a relieved sigh. They at least knew what he was talking about.

The two sisters shared another look. “Talk.”

And so Alan recounted his tale, starting from the first moment Caramella set hoof into his bar. He had to pause every so often as the two principals kept interrupting to ask questions. Alan learned that by far the thing that had them confused the most was that Caramella was a pony. He would of thought that if they had dealt with this kind of stuff they would have known about it.

“And that’s all I have to say,” he finished.

“That is quite a tale, Alan.” Celestia said.

“So, you—you believe me?”

Both of the principals nodded their heads. “Yes, we believe you,” Celestia said.

“And,” Luna started, “where exactly is this ‘Caramella’?”

“She’s in my truck. Hidden,” he hastily added that last part. “So, can you help her?”

“I do believe that we can,” Celestia said with a smile, making Alan release a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “You can bring her inside from the gym entrance. We can send her home once it gets darker, as to not bring any more undue attention to ourselves.”

“Thank you—both of you. I’ll be right back.” He ran out of the office and down the halls, memories of hall monitors flashing by. He would’ve slowed town at the lobby but the muffled shouts coming from outside only served to heighten his speed.

They sounded like Flash. His pulse spiked.

He busted through the doors, ignored the frigid wind, and saw Flash Sentry receive a brutal kick to the gut from a mysterious man dressed in a green coat and thick winter hat.
HEY!” Alan roared. The man looked up and froze for a second. Their eyes met and Alan thought he saw the man’s eyes widen. The man grabbed a large, dark lump up from on the ground and dashed away.

Even with the man carrying something heavy through the snow, Alan knew that he was never going to catch up with him, not with the man having a massive head start. He sprinted through the snow and by the time he reached Flash the man had already thrown his cargo into his car and started to speed off. Wait a fucking minute... that car...

He skidded to a stop next to Flash and helped the boy up to his feet. “Flash! Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah...” he wheezed. “Never been better, heh...” He released himself from Alan’s grip. “I... Alan—I’m sorry. I couldn’t...” Flash suddenly found the ground a more interesting sight.

“Huh? What do you...?” Alan looked past Flash and a chill not from the air pierced his heart. “No no no no...” Sprinting up to his truck he noticed the open door, the broken window, the upturned seat. All of that paled in comparison to what he didn’t find—Caramella.

Alan slammed his fist into the truck. Over and over he pounded machine. By the time Flash had come up behind him, Alan had his head slumped against the truck in resolute deadpan.

“I-I’m sorry, man. I tried to stop them from taking your dog...”

No response.

“Alan? You okay?”

Dammit...” Alan muttered.

“Alan—huh, Sunset what are—”

Alan felt hands pushing him into his broken truck and twisting his arm behind him. “W-what the fuck?!”

A girl’s voice growled right into his ear. “Alright you creep, you have ten seconds to tell me why the fuck you’ve been stalking my friends—”

“What the hell, Sunset!! What—”

“Shut it, Brad! Somebody’s been stalking students here at the school for months and it just so happens that someone I’ve never seen is getting an inside out tour of the school? I’m not letting this fucking piece of shit get away until I find out what’s going on! Nowtalk! Before I make you eat your shitty truck!” Alan was pushed further into his truck.

“Whoever you’re talking about that’s not him! Sunset, I met this guy just today on the highway! He’s not even from around here! He’s from Oregon! Sweet tapdancing Christ, Sunset, let him go, he just got robbed!”

“Huh? Wha?” Alan felt the hands leave. He turned and saw that same fiery haired girl from on the steps earlier with her hands crossed over her mouth. “Oh my God... I am so—so sorry! I just—just—” Whatever righteous fury the girl had seemed to vanish away, leaving only eyes filled with horror.

Sunset backed into a car let herself slump onto the ground. Alan sighed and rubbed his wrists. Fuckin’ hell of a grip.

Flash gave Alan a look then turned back to Sunset. “Hey, no harm no foul, right?”

“What is going on out—oh my God!” Alan looked up and saw Principal Celestia running down the steps. “What happened out here—and Sunset Shimmer?! Alan, what happened?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Alan saw Sunset staring at his broken truck, like it was the first time she was actually seeing the broken window and half-open door. She looked utterly mortified, her mouth wide open, and when she saw Alan’s gaze she turned away.

“Somebody ransacked my truck. They took... they took, uh, my dog. Flash here tried to stop them, but he got hurt.”

“Someone assaulted one of my students?” The principal’s eyes flashed and there was steel in her voice. Alan was thankful that he wasn’t on the receiving end of that fury. She moved over to Flash and gave him a once over (“I’m fine, it was just a kick”) before turning back to Alan. “And what about her?” She tilted her head in the direction of Sunset.

Alan didn’t miss a beat. “She came running in and tried to help us. But it was too late, the guy already got in his car and left.” Sunset looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Well, I’m glad to hear it. And I’m glad to see that you’re all relatively safe. Luna has already contacted the police; they’re on their way as we speak.”

“That’s... good to know.”

Celestia nodded. “You three should come inside while we wait for the police to arrive so that they can get all of your reports.” Sunset and Flash nodded and made their way back to the school.

“Flash, about earlier... really, I’m sorry for calling you Brad. I know you hated that nickname—”

“Like I said, Sunset. Water under the bridge.”

“Who’re you with anyways?”

“Well...”

Alan made way to join them but was stopped by a raised arm.

“Alan, I’m going to assume that your ‘dog’ was this Caramella pony?” He nodded and Celestia sighed. “That’s not good, not good at all. We’ll talk about it after the police show up. Oh, and one more thing. That girl, Sunset Shimmer? You can trust her with our little ‘doggie’ problem. I assure you, she knows much more about it then you probably expect.”


Author's Note

Google Doc importing was being screwy, so I had to put this chapter in manually. If you noticed something different, then that's probably why.

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