A Horse Walks Into a Bar...

“Hey, here you go.” Alan handed her a paper bag. “Hope it’s okay. Fast food joints don’t usually have the best salads... just, letting you know.”

“As long as it’s edible. I’m starving!” The chocolatey pony lied down on the floor of the truck, going at the salad like a lion with a fresh kill. “Hey, Alan, what’s a Burger King?”

“Uhhh...”

“Mmmm, this isn’t so bad actually. Not as good as the ones I can whip up back home but, still!”

Alan was more than glad to drop that subject (which, surprisingly hadn’t come up yet, and he intended to keep it that way) as he pulled out of the fast food driveway, Flash not too far ahead of him. Flash had insisted on giving him the grand tour of Canterlot. This was fine by Alan; the more he knew of the city was more knowledge at his disposal when searching for anything magical. He had to admit though, Canterlot was a nice city, at least what he had seen so far. It was one of those medium sized cities that had all the benefits of city life without the major traffic hassles a city like Los Angeles or New York probably had. Hell, if he had the funds he might have even seriously considered moving out to Canterlot.

By the time noon had rolled around, the two decided to grab lunch and Flash insisted on showing him a cafe called Sugarcube Corner. Much to Flash’s dismay, the cafe was closed due to the owners having taken a vacation out of state for the holidays, so he begrudgingly led Alan to a Burger King a couple of blocks away. Now the pair (or, unknownst to Flash, the trio) were headed down towards Canterlot High.

When Alan asked about the school during lunch he was worried that Flash would accuse him of... something. He wasn’t sure of what, just that Flash might be weirded out that he wanted to check out a random high school in a city he’d never been too. Surprisingly, Flash had not asked if he was a pedophile, but instead remembered Alan’s excuse for being in town and asked if he was here visiting a somebody who went to the school. In a matter of speaking he was, so he said yes. Alan felt a pang of guilt for lying to Flash, but shook the thoughts away for now. He could feel guilty later, after Caramella was back in Equestria.

“Hey, you okay, Alan?” Caramella’s voice piped up behind him. “Are you trying to choke out that steering wheel?”

He looked down and noticed his hands were clamped to the wheel. He loosened his fingers and sighed. ”Just... thinking. About stuff...”

In the mirror, Caramella rolled her eyes. “What kind of stuff? I’m not a mind reader, y’know.”

“Well... just thinking about how I’m going to approach this whole situation when we get to Canterlot High. I’m still not one-hundred percent sure that the principal knows what’s going on.”

“But you said that that statement she made about the damages—”

“Could've just been her saving face,” he said, shrugging. “Politicians do it all the time. It’s better to say something then to just say nothing. Makes it seem like they’re on top of the situation. In actual fact, the principal might not have a clue what happened that night and we’ll be on our own here.”

“Well... we have Flash, don’t we? He’s been nothing but helpful so far.”

“...I guess you’re right.”

“You guess?” she asked.

“I mean, you’re not wrong. The kid’s sure been helpful navigating the city. But, I haven’t exactly been truthful with him. As far as he knows, I’m just here to see family.” Alan sighed. “Soon as he gets bored, he’ll probably go home or something.”

“Mmmmm... nah.”

“Nah?”

Alan glanced into the mirror to see Caramella giving him a winning smile, salad dressing on her nose. Licking the dressing away, she said, “I think you’re underestimating him. Flash doesn’t strike me as the kind of pon- er, person to leave somebody in need.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, he did help back us back on the road when could’ve just as easily drove right by, didn’t he? Plus he’s been going out of his way and all... well, let's just call it a mare’s intuition.”

Alan couldn’t think of anything to say to that. Instead, he focused back onto the road, where a large building loomed ahead: Canterlot High, judging by Flash pulling into the parking lot. Parking next to him, Alan let out a whistle as he got out of his car and got a proper look at the high school. It was a two story building shaped like a horseshoe, which was appropriate as there was a statue of a horse rearing up into the sky right in front of the building. Sure as hell beat his old high school. Beaverton High... God, what a crappy school. I can’t remember the amount of times I got a splinter just from brushing against something.

“And here we are,” Flash announced, slamming his car door shut. “Canterlot High! Best high school is all of California!”

“Man, you guys sure do like your hair dye here.” Alan took note of a girl sitting on the front steps of the school with fiery red hair streaked with yellow. The girl looked up from her book and waved at Flash, who waved back. Then her eyes seemed to trail over Alan. Her face morphed instantly, like she had swallowed something very unpleasant, before going back to her book. Alan mentally shrugged it off. Teenagers, he thought. “Sooo, Flash, mind giving me a minute before giving me the grand tour?”

“Yeah, sure.” Flash nodded.

Alan watched Flash for a moment, making sure he was far enough away before sticking his head into his truck. “Psst, hey Caramella? Stay down, okay? I’ll be back in about twenty minutes or so.”

Caramella propped up her hood and said nothing, instead giving him a cute hoofy-wave and a reassuring smile that seemed to say, “I’ll be fine.” He waved back and closed the window.

“Aww, waving to your dog?” Flash asked. “Ooh, does she shake—”

“Aw, Jesus!” Alan spun around and had to restrain himself from blocking the window, not wanting to gather even more undue attention. “Don’t sneak up on me like that, kid.”

“A-ah, my bad,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. “Ready for the grand tour?”

“Yeah, sure,” Alan said. “Lead the way.”

Flash pumped his fist into the air. “Alright, follow me! Let’s start with the outside of the school,” Flash said as he made his way towards the a path leading around to the back of the school.

“Huh, why not the inside first? Seems odd.” Alan asked, right alongside Flash. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the fiery haired girl give him one last look before she disappeared behind concrete corners.

“Er, well, I don’t actually know if it’s open. Never been to school over the weekend, y’know?” He waved a hand. “Can’t see why it wouldn’t be open, but you never know.”

Shit. I really hope it’s not closed. Alan shrugged as they rounded the corner and passed through a gap made in the fence, snow giving a satisfying crunch underfoot. He gave an appreciative whistle. Despite the snowfall earlier, Canterlot must have had missed the worst of it because he could still see traces of a soccer field beneath the dusting of glittering white powder. Bleachers lined the sides of the field.

“Nice, isn’t it? You should see some of the soccer matches that go on here,” Flash started. “Seriously, our captain of the soccer team, Rainbow Dash, she’s nasty out on the field.”

“Phew, seeing this? Makes me wish my high school had the funding yours did.”

“Huh? Your high school didn’t have a soccer team?”

Alan snorted as they passed over the field. “You kidding? I grew up in the middle of bumfuck small town Oregon—I wished my school had a field to begin with. We did have some sports teams, but they all had to play away due to our itty bitty gym. Heh, and I’ll bet you’ll never guess the mascot of Beaverton High.”

Flash smirked and rolled his eyes. “Uhhh, lemme guess. Beavers?”

Alan gave him his best shit-eating grin. “Crocodiles. Fuckin’ crocodiles.”

Flash Sentry blinked. “Wat? You’re—You’re shitting me, right?”

Alan loved that priceless look people gave him when he told them this story. “Nope. Somehow, someway, somebody thought we needed something more ferocious than a beaver. How the hell it exactly became a crocodile, well, the world will never know.”

A chuckle escaped his lips. Then Flash chuckled. Soon, the both of them were in taking huge, gasping breaths as they laughed over the absurd nature of the story. A warmth stored itself in Alan’s chest as he wiped away the water in his eyes.

“And what is so funny out here, boys?” a woman’s voice asked lightly. Alan looked up to find a woman bundled up in dark blue peacoat and matching earmuffs, holding a tray containing two, steaming coffee cups. Her equally blue hair was pulled back into a casual ponytail. She gave the pair a small smile.

“Oh, hello Vice Principal Luna. We were just laughing over over this guy’s story.” Flash jabbed a thumb at Alan, who gave a nervous wave, and retold his story. When he finished, Luna let out a small ladylike chuckle.

“And where was this exactly?” she asked, tracing sea-green eyes over Alan.

“Uh, Oregon, ma’am.”

“Oregon. What a lovely place. Me and my sister took a vacation up there to go camping once.” She gave her head a little shake. “Oh, but where are my manners. I’m Luna, vice principal of Canterlot High. And you are?”

“Oh, I’m Alan. Uh, a bar owner. It’s in Oregon.”

“A bar owner, huh. What, praytell, brings you down to Canterlot?”

Before he could answer, Flash piped up for him. “He’s visiting family down here. I figured I would show him around town. Give him a tour of the school as well”

Luna raised an eyebrow at that, but said nothing. “Yes, well, I can most certainly see why you might have an affinity for our little school. Compared to the picture you painted of your own, Canterlot High could seem like the crème de la crème. At any rate, I’d be more then happy to let you both in, if only to escape the cold. Just follow me. We’ll go into the back entrance.”