What the fuck was she talking about? Cannot be? The way of the see? What the fuck is bathsmy? ARGH! Why is this world so confusing?! Okay, first step, I should probably find a town somewhere so I can get some, anything. At least I'll be able to sell this "book". So when I try to find the front door, big shock, I get lost. This place is so big I bet they closed it down because people kept getting lost. Also it must have been a bitch to fix, not to mention expensive as hell. Before I continue I should probably find something to put this book in so I can use both of my hands. Another hour later I come up empty. This place must have been abandoned in a very orderly fashion. Not even a single dead body. How disappointing.

Wait a second. If I could do that then maybe I could...

There's a feeling. It's a strange feeling you get when you're about to die. I've gotten it a few times. It's quite the rush. I've discovered a new feeling. I can feel it in my body. It feels like power. I can't quite reach it, but I'm close. The skin under my ribcage starts to shrivel and die. It's a pain so strange and intoxicating, I can almost feel the fear of a strange experience again. I wish I could feel it again, but I have things I need to do. I put the book between my ribcage and my lungs so that it'll be nice and snug. It hurts so much. I let the skin heal over the wound to create a seal. When I have some time I need to learn more about these powers. I continue looking for an exit. I wind up in a large room that appears to be some kind of bed chamber. It's really fancy too. There are two of them. A blue one and a, yellow...

...fuck you.

Ms. Ecocide and Ms. False Accusation's rooms? This is just perfect. I think I'll do a little defiling.

15 minutes later

Ahh, I needed that. This diary will be great blackmail material.

What?

Did I what?

Just the diary. Why do you ask?

What were you thinking?

Ugh, weirdo. Anyway, after a bit of digging through the fascinating event of Sunbutt's first trial, quite a bloody affair, I get back to searching the rooms. It's definitely a royal's room. Large drapes, big frilly bed, and a larger than it has any right to be closet to name a few of the excessities. I start searching a dresser in Moonbutt's room and I find a key with a strange symbol on it. In Sunbutt's room underneath the bed was a small bag of gold pieces. A stash? How cliché. Oh well. It's mine now. After a small count I find that there are 35 gold coins, each about the size of a dime. Everything goes in the flesh pocket behind my ribcage. If anyone were to punch me they'd have a pretty hard time doing any damage. Maybe someday I'll comeback to see if there's anything else here. Until then I need to find my way out of here. The stops between me and the outside include: a hallway of statues, a courtyard, a bunch of hands holding out torches (I don't even want to know what that hole was for), and a large pipe organ room that wasn't suspicious at all. I finally find...

...Wow.

I'm in a large antechamber, or main hall of some kind. There's a large crater near two thrones. In it are some earplugs and a blindfold. I look up on the ledge where the thrones are and I find a muzzle for humans. Is this really the same place I first came to this world in? I pick up the mask thing. I have such fond half memories of this. Like when they were first measuring me for it. Did you know that you can bite through fingers just as easily as carrots? It might be a good idea to put this on. I don't want those people to shoot me on site after all. Though now that I think about it, do bullets still hurt me? I've been through a lot of punishment since I've been here. I was even decapitated by a kick. Do they even have bullets here? I'll have to ask if I don't kill them all. I adorn my most cherished mask and walk towards the stupidly large for a castle double doors. As I'm about to leave I see the remnants of my straitjacket and pants. Bad cloths are better than no cloths. After I put them on I realize that they are in better condition than they should be. I mean yeah they're ripped and tattered beyond repair. But they aren't falling apart just because I'm wearing them. I shrug and put it in the ever growing list of "Stupid Shit that Doesn't Make Sense" and then I exit the castle. Outside is a standard spooky and probably haunted forest. Not exactly the most interesting of places. Could use a few scorch marks. Since I don't know my way around my genius mind and I decide to head in a random direction and hope for the best. Three days without food or water still haven't persuaded me that this isn't a good idea. Lets see, 3 minutes without air, 3 hours without shelter, 3 days without water. I've been out in the wilderness for 24X the amount of time for death by lack of shelter and I don't feel parched in the slightest. I should probably get a drink, just incase the only thing letting me survive is my adrenaline. I walk over to a nearby stream. I take off the mask so I can actually drink the water. I happen to chance a look at myself in the water. I'm pretty sure I wasn't this baggy when I started. Never mind disintegrating my own skin, I could probably just peel it off. Even the shattered mirrors of the castle gave me better answers than this. After I take a drink I put my mask back on and decide to continue heading in my current direction. A few hours later I hear a growl from behind me. I turn around and see, a...

Don't make me say it.

Please. It hurts too much, even for me.

*mumble mumble*

Ugh, fine

...timber wolf.

I feel like I just committed an actual sin.

*mumble*

We will be talking about this later.

I would later find out that that's what they're actually called, but at the time I didn't have any other way to describe them so let's move on.

So a, timber wolf *shudder*, is staring down it's muzzle at me. Oh that's cute. It thinks it's scary. Face it guy, you're a child's toy with even less stability. Apparently he also thinks he's pretty tough too, because he grows right in my face. Ew, is this sap? Really? I start walking past him to try and clean my mask in that stream when suddenly he pounces on me and grabs my neck. He then proceeds to swing me around like a ragdoll. There's a loud crack and he stops throwing me around. He starts taking me somewhere. I think I'll humor him for a bit longer.

Author's Note

If you don't like part of the story please tell me so I can see if it's something I can fix. However, please understand that this is my story. Any changes that I make to the world of Equestria are mine to make. If you don't like that this isn't exactly like Equestria then go somewhere else.

Hey jackass, I've changed my mind. We're talking about that terrible pun now.

Can we please not?

No.

Hey put that down!

*lots of screaming*