The Drifter

The hole I fell through somehow dumped me in the middle of a dense forest with incredibly dangerous trees. You might be wondering how a tree can look dangerous and I’ll tell you, it has a fucking creepy face carved into the bark. I neared back slightly and lifted my right arm which was clutching my assault rifle and pointed it at the tree. I then proceeded to fire every shot into that ugly face until it somehow popped out of existence.

“Huh?” I said to myself, completely aware of the weird trip I just had. “There must be some chemical in the air?”

I looked around in an attempt to find whatever was causing the weird hallucination. I saw a bit of blue hidden slightly behind a tree so I cautiously moved around the tree whilst maintaining a good distance.

“That’s fucking weird?” I again said to myself upon finding the blue flowers clumped together. Blue flowers in the middle of a dark forest definitely spells weird trips so I turned and left. I already had a good number of jet and psycho to choose from anyway.

I noticed a colorful bird frantically flying east. Well that’s my heading. I started to follow the flying frantic feather fucker until I realized something.

“BRAINFART!” I shouted as I span around and came face to face with a large dog.

This thing was massive. It was twice the size of Dogmeat and here is the big thing. IT’S MADE OF FUCKING WOOD! It didn’t look like a mutant which was also weird and there was green goo coming out of its mouth. Thank god that stuff isn’t radioactive because if it was I would’ve flipped shit, my fear of becoming a ghoul making me horde radaways and rad-x.

The weird wooden wolf cautiously moved towards me, its steps the loudest thing in the forest.

I raised my assault rifle and pulled the trigger, only to be met by a shallow click telling me it was empty.

“FUCK!” I half whined half yelled.

I emptied the fucking mag into that fucking tree! I must’ve gotten distracted by the prospect of hallucinogen.

The wolf pounced at me and I did the only thing I could do in that situation.

I chucked my rifle at it and disrupted the pounce giving me enough time to pull my pistol, a Glock .45 auto, from my pip-boy and aim it. The action of aiming, of course, was longer than expected and I was met with its jaws clamped right onto my left leg.

Its teeth dug into my calf and I did the only thing I could do in that situation, besides calling it a bitch. I shot it right in the eye socket.

It crumpled in on itself and fell apart on the ground looking like a pile of sticks in the middle of the woods that had someone get turned to goo right on top of it, since the things was filled with glowing green sap.

I fell on my ass right next to it, my leg hurting a lot and if I were to move just right I could feel a tooth moving around under the skin.

“TIMBER WOLVES! I FUCKING GET IT NOW! AHAHAHAHA!”
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I sat in that spot for an hour patching my leg up and giving it the magical mystery cure. A stim-pack! Those things have saved my life more than any other chem and that’s why I have never been in short supply of them, perks of looting every military establishment I could find.

After my skin grew together again I stood up, my fully loaded assault rifle in hand (because I triple checked that shit) and a lot more positive outlook since I could see the light shining through the trees to the east.

I walked out into the light and looked around.

To say the land was beautiful would be an understatement. There was a house nearby with a stream passing in front of it with a path leading to a bridge on the banks of the previously mentioned river. The path lead on past me and branched off a good hundred feet away. One path lead off into a large town in the distance and the other one lead into the-

“Ohforfuckssake.” I said under my breath as I followed the path into the forest that I had just fought out of. There was a fucking path not even a hundred feet away and I took a bite from a- snrk- timber wolf, trying to escape. I began to walk up the path, my eyes resting on the large mountain nearby that had a huge fucking castle stuck to its side.

“Well that’s fucking cool.” I said to myself as I studied it’s every groove as it fit against the mountain.
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POV: Twilight Sparkle- Hay n’ Pay restraint- Interior of Ponyville

“-And I said oatmeal? ARE YOU CRAZY!” said my friend PinkiePie as she finished her absurd story that is always told when she want to be silly.

I nodded like I understood, just like each of my friends, and continued to focus on my hunger.

“That pegasus better hurry if she knows what’s good for her.” Said my other friend Rarity in her usual dramatic style.

“I’d like it if she hurried as well, but I don’t mind.” Voiced the quiet FlutterShy, her face partially obscured behind her silky pink hair.

“Well I reckon she’ll be here right quick, what with all the work she did last night with all those clouds.” Came the casual reply of Applejack as she sat comfortably in her chair.

“If she doesn’t get here soon we will order without her.” I stated. I haven’t eaten all day since I’ve been studying local plants.

Everyone nodded in agreement, Fluttershy included because she isn’t brave enough to voice her thoughts. She has always, and I mean this in the best of ways, been a doormat.

“I know you want to wait but we are really hungry.” I said, “Maybe this time Rainbow will realize that she should at least try to show up on-”

Anything else I was going to say was stopped as a panting Rainbow darted up to the table, her sweat dripping off onto it.

“Rainbow dear, please go shower, we’ll order you something but you mustn’t smell so gross at lunch, in public no less.” Asked Rarity, her rage concealed behind her urge to stay lady-like.

“NO TIME! There is a weird robot on its way to Ponyville. It walks on two hooves and is covered with white plates and has purple eyes! We have to stop it from invading” she blurted out and took off again, leaving us confused but ready to help.
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Vincent Mills- Unknown town- surrounded by weird mini horses- Panicking

I’ve taken maybe twenty steps into this town and am already ready to leave. There are tons of small multicolored creatures in the streets, their eyes wide and legs trembling.

I navigated further into town, my curiosity winning over my sense of self preservation. I also observed the creatures. They looked like a living version of Giddy-up Buttercup leading me to believe that they are horses, or at least a sub species of a horse.
I neared an old cart when a scratchy female voice finally broke the silence.
“Hey robot!” I turned around and came face to fa- snout with a cyan horse hovering on disproportionate wings.
‘Heh, it’d be funny if the horse was the one talking’ I thought to myself as it gave me an oddly intelligent glare.
“Get out!” said the horse; or Pegasus because I’ve read enough old Greek mythology to know what a winged horse is.
I stared my jaw slamming into the bottom of my face mask. ‘What the fuck it actually talks! This is fucking trippy! Maybe that blue flower actually fucked me up more than originally thought. Maybe I just stumbled into a random settlement completely shit-faced!’
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POV SWITCH- Rainbow “Daring” Dash- Ponyville interior- Near Robot spy ninja monster creature/ Auizhotols’ sidekick

The monster stood there, its creepy face drifting and studying me as if I was the weirdest thing ever.

‘BUCK YOU!’ Nopony thinks of me as weird, especially not some robot that looks like an insect-

“CHANGELING!” I screamed and promptly bucked it in the chest with enough force to send it into the cart that it was previously staring at.

The old cart didn’t stand a chance against a kick from the mighty Rainbow Dash. I turned and struck a pose as the ponies around me clapped in approval of my mighty feat and awesome style. This lasted for only a minute before there were sounds of wood being moved as the thing buried in it stirred.

“Aw fuck that horse packs a punch!” Something masculine whined from the pile of rubble.
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POV SWITCH- Vincent Mills- In pile of wood- ready to gut a small horse/ trying to get small pieces of wood out of ass crack

Right before that fucking horse kicked me into the cart it shouted something. Too bad I was too dumbstruck to hear it because it was probably important (maybe a plot advancement) and now I’m lying in a pile of wooden debris trying to get an annoying piece of wood out from the back of my pants without looking gross.

‘This just isn’t my day?’

“Aw fuck that horse packs a punch!” I whined, it was a manly whine by the way.