The Drifter

I stood up and wiped the wood bits off of my chest plate. I could hear the little horses around me panicking like I was going to kill them all.

‘No, I only want that little rainbow fuck nugget.’

I smiled as I looked up at her. She wasn’t smiling though.

‘She looks pissed off.’

The little rainbow colored pony was glaring at me like I had killed her parents or eaten her spaghetti-o’s.

‘I’ll do both.’

I began to laugh at the mental image of me crushing two multi colored ponies under my boots while I ate a can of spaghetti-o’s that had a note on it labeled Fuck Nugget.

The little Pegasus looked dumbstruck for a minute, or five, but she snapped out of it and was instantly more pissed off. I couldn’t help but laugh harder. These things look dumb when they get mad.

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POV SWITCH- Rainbow “Daring” Dash- Ponyville interior- Near Robot spy ninja monster creature/ Ahuizotl sidekick- About to kick its flank

The evil beast stood there and laughed at me. Its weird hoof things resting on its leg joints supporting its massive weight because it is so heavy.

“How dare you laugh at the great Rainbow Dash? I’ll kick your flank in ten seconds flat!!!”

With that I leapt at the creature, its massive body making an easy target.

*Whoosh!!-*

I flew right into the creatures’ chest, my front legs pointed ahead and my eyes closed.

Right when I expected to collide with it I felt something grab the base of my wings, hard, and throw me to the ground.

“Ok chicken mcfuck nuggets, lay down before I crush your wind pipe.” Said a cheerful male voice behind me. I would look but I am distracted by pai- the strange sensation in my wings.

“RAINBOW!!!”

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POV: Vincent Mills- Inside weird town- Getting ready to eat McDonald’s food.

“RAINBOW!!”

“I don’t swing that way but I do swing this way!!” I yelled as I swung the small horse at the approaching horse. This one was orange and wearing a small cowboy hat.

The cyan one collided with the orange on so hard it knocked both into a small building nearby, the tiny hat floating to the ground in front of me.

“Meh, it was an ugly hat anyway.” I said as I focused on five more little horses who were brave enough to get close. One of these horses was actually pretty big compared to everything else. It had a bulky, muscular build indicating that it is a male.

He was very pissed and was moving faster than the rest of the horses.

“Hey Blondie. What’s eating at you?” I asked as he charged.

Unlike the Fuck nugget (that is going to stick like glue or a sweaty latex gimp suit….) this one didn’t have wings and put more muscle into the charge instead of speed. He also didn’t superman fly at my chest with his eyes closed which showed that natural selection would favor this guy. I don’t though so I shall do the unspeakable.

As he got closer, I pulled a double barrel out of my pip boy and held it up.

*BANG!*

The sound of my weapon halted blondie and snapped fuck nugget and her orange friend out of their daze. I had the stage and the mic and all eyes were on me.

“Alright you primitive screw-heads, listen up! See this? This…is my boomstick!” I shouted into the horde of horses. “It’s a 12 gauge double barreled dragon’s breath shotgun. Gun Runners top of the line. You can find this in the Hub or near New Vegas. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in the Mojave Desert. Retails about 700-1500 caps. It’s got walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and…” I stopped ranting and looked around. All the horses were confused. Good, I love the confusion.

“You know what? You guys aren’t even worth my breath.” With that I turned and started to walk towards the giant tree in the center of town.

The tree had a sign with a book on it and I decided to go info hunting because this obviously meant library. If I couldn’t find that then I’d just cause some mischief. It’s not like those ponies are going to do anything about my poor behavior.

“Unknown creature! Please halt in the name of the princesses!” came a commanding shout from somewhere behind me.

I turned towards it and saw a mob of white ponies with golden armor on, their swords and spears reflecting light everywhere making them look shiny.

“Hey, I was wondering if there was a color supremacy group out here. I guess I was right.” I said to the group as they surrounded me.

“Creature! You’re under arrest under the name of Princess Celestia for the assault of two Elements of Harmony. Please lay down and roll over, hooves in the air.”

“Usually when a group of people surround a white person they have an opposite skin color and it leads into some gang rape punchline. After I kill you can I sell your armor or is it useless.” I around trying to find the most nervous of the group.

Out of the group of ten, one who sat right behind me looked the most nervous. He had a spear and a helmet that looked a size too big. Probably a rookie. I opened my pip-boy and pulled out my assault rifle. All the guards braced, preparing for the loud noise. I took aim at the rookie and…

*CRACK-CRACK-CRACK*

I fired off three rounds. One in the throat, one in the fore head to knock him over, and one in the sack. The whole thing took around five seconds but that’s all it took to scare away almost every guard but the commander. He stood there yelling at his fleeing soldiers, fear and betrayal evident in his eyes.

I stood in the middle of the street, the gunshots echo just quieting down and the commander’s eyes leveling on me. His eyes went to the bloody corpse, to me, back to the corpse, and then to me.

“Hey!” I shouted. Breaking him out of his neck breaking exercise. “My eyes are up here.”

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POV: Princess Celestia- On a carriage on route to pony Ville following the appearance of a strange creature

*CRACK-CRACK-CRACK*

The strange and loud noise snapped me out of my thoughts as my personal transport flew towards Pony Ville.

The town was apparently being attacked by a weird creature who was described as being a rude robot ninja with a boomstick. It is also worth mentioning that this creature assaulted Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack.

“Ma’am? Are you ok?” asked a polite male voice from across the carriage.

“I am quite alright Captain Armor. I just have a lot to think about. Thank you for your concerns.” I returned, looking at Shining Armor as he fiddled with his seat belt.

“So what are the guards in Pony Ville doing about the creature?” I asked

“I told them to try to pacify the creature ma’am.” he returned.

“I certainly hope they are capable.”

“Ma’am, my guards are completely capable of pacifying some Everfree refuse.” He said, anger evident in his voice.

“I don’t doubt your guards Captain Armor. I just don’t know the strength of the creature.” I assured him

With that the carriage began to lower onto an empty street.

‘Well, almost empty’

In the center of street stood the creature, and at his sides were two guards. The first one was beaten into a pulp and the other one was…DEAD!

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POV: Hunter: Sitting on his ass typing a word document about monsters and small horses

She is pissed.

“Yeah silly, he did hurt a guard, Dashie, and Applejack!” said an annoying pink pony.

“I’m not annoying.”

Yes you are.

Check it out! I can talk in your language too!!!

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH” What the Fuck!

HHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPPP MMMMMMEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

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POV: Vincent Mills: Inside unknown town- Beating a dead horse

“I smell a fourth wall break.” I said, its confusing aroma in the air. Coffee, sweat, and…Halibut. “Do you smell that?”

“What are you rambling about foul creature?” said the thoroughly beaten war horse at my feet.

The small horse kept trying to stand up. Too bad for him I lack any basic moral fiber.

“Down boy.” Said as I punted him like a football. Due to his weight he didn’t go far.

“Ow, I keep forgetting that you’re wearing golden armor. My poor feet…”

I noticed that he had landed on the dead rookie and said rookie also had a large spear lying next to him.

“I’ll send you to Tartarus where you belong creature!” said the guard as he sprinted at me with an unknown strength.

“Although I do love tar-tar sauce, I must decline. I have more pressing matters than food.” I returned, my arms raising into a weird praying mantis stance.

The guard began to get close and as he got within ten feet I began my internal mantra.

‘Just like the holo-vids. Just like the holo-vids.’

When he got within five feet I picked my foot from the ground and brought my knee to my chest.

“Praying mantis kick!!!”

“HALT CREATURE! DON’T YOU DARE HARM ANOTHER ONE OF MY PONIES!!!”