Team Fortress 2. Equestria's Robot Invasion.

Team Fortress 2. Equestria's Robot Invasion.
Chapter 3. Riding the Rainbow.

Twilight Sparkle had now finally understood the situation. Aliens were in Equestria and they were causing quite a mess. She wasn’t really certain if Equestria was really in any danger as these robots did not look like much of a real threat. But it was best not to underestimate things. If anything, she thought that these ‘humans’ might be more of a danger to the ponies. At least from what she had seen from Pyro’s actions. But Pinkie said that he was a nice guy, so she would trust her one of her best friend’s judgment for now. After a while, she along with Pyro, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack finally reached the town´s entrance where the BLUs were still hanging out. Ponies were already waking up. It was just a matter of time before they would notice the town’s strange visitors.

“I-Immea gonna be… Why? Wha-?” Demoman was lying on the ground, completely wasted. He never stopped drinking for even a moment ever since they had arrived in Equestria. And even before that he was already drinking a lot.

“Oh my. Yer friend doesn’t look too good…” Applejack said to Engineer.

“Nah, he’s fine. Ain’t the first time he drank himself nearly to death.” He responded.

“I still think he needs proper treatment. He doesn’t look fine at all. And we can’t just leave him lying here on the dirt.” Twilight said. She was pleasantly surprised the other humans were not masked like Pyro was. They kind of looked like talking monkey-dragons wearing hats to her.

“Ah!” Engineer got startled by Twilight’s sudden appearance. “I see ya brought a little unicorn Applejack. So yer the leader of these ponies or something?” He asked the purple unicorn.

“No… What makes you think I’m the leader? Anyway, my name’s Twilight Sparkle.” She replied.

“Nice to meet ya Twilight. I’m Engineer. Ah ain’t the leader either.”

“Didn’t you have another injured… human?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah. Ah heard some pony shot Solly in the guts. Medic an’ Heavy went to check it out though, they’ll meet up with us again here afterwards.” Engineer answered. “And some blue flyin’ pony kidnapped Scout for some reason.”

“Yeah… I’ll have to look into that. But if you think this ‘Medic and Heavy’ can handle your other friend’s injury, fine. But I can’t leave this poor human laying here. I propose we all go to Fluttershy’s cottage so we can properly talk about what is going on exactly. I’m sure Fluttershy can take care of your friend, and I would like to ask you all some questions if that’s alright?” Twilight asked.

“Huuuuhhhh… I-I love ye lass!” The drunk Demoman sang.

“Ah don’t know ma’am. Ah don’t know if Applejack told ya, but there’s more than hundreds of murderous robots right there cowering in the forest. Ah understand this might all be a bit complicated to explain to yer townsfolk that us aliens invaded yer little town, but ya got to realize that these robots are yer biggest threat right now. If they breach our defenses… who knows what’ll happen?” Engineer spoke dramatically.

“What hundreds of robots? I’ve only seen one and that one didn’t look dangerous at all!” Twilight replied, clearly annoyed.

“Mmpphh.” Pyro added.

“He said it was a… Spycrab?” Pinkie translated for him.

“SPAH CRABS?! DAG-NABBIT! Why didn’t ya told me that earlier! Where did ya encounter these?” Engineer asked worried.

“Uhmm… In my library. But it was just one.” Twilight answered.

“Hmm. That can’t be right. Spy-crabs always travel in packs. There must be more around here. Spy ‘round here guys!” Engineer shouted.

“OI, THERE HE IS! I SAW SOMETHING! BOMBS AWAY!” Sniper shouted as he threw his Jarate at where he guessed this Spycrab to be.

“Mmpph?” Pyro was pretty confused.

“Mon… Dieu…” An extremely annoyed voice answered and started uncloaking.

“AH SEE HIM!” Engineer started whacking his target with his wrench.

“MON DIEU!!! YOU IMCOMPETENT FOOLS! It’s me!” The pissed off BLU Spy finally completely revealed himself, now covered in urine and bruises.

“Oh… What the hell where ya doing cloaking around here for? You know ya shouldn’t do that!” Engineer said.

“Were they this weird before?” Twilight asked Applejack. These guys were so… random. She didn’t really know what to think of them just yet. They seemed friendly, for now at least.

“Ya haven’t even seen the big singing guy and the scary looking one yet.” Applejack explained.

Engineer and Spy were meanwhile still arguing. Sniper was obviously already filling a new jar.

“Because unlike you imbeciles, I actually bothered to scout ze area and collect information regarding our enemy.” Spy said.

“Well? Did ya find anything useful then?” Engineer asked.

“Indeed. Ze robots started retreating as the sun was fully raised. They seem to be bothered by… sunlight, so they cower in ze shadows of zhis dark forest.” Spy explained.

“So they’re retreating?”

“Oui.”

“Good. Ya heard it, ma’am. Robots are gone for the moment. We’ll figure out later why exactly they’re afraid of the sun. Ah got two sentries set up at yer town’s entrance. No roaming individual robot will be able to pass that. When they attack as a group however… Ah don’t know how long it’ll hold. But we’ll improve our defenses later. Ah guess we have some time to spare now to answer yer questions.” Engineer said to Twilight.

“Sentries? Are you sure those things won’t hurt anypony?” She asked.

“Nah. Ah configured them to only fire at mechanical threats. So unless ya got any dangerous robot-ponies around here, you’re all fine.” Engineer explained.

“Good. Still I’d like to keep your little group together to prevent any awkward situations with the civilians of Ponyville. And since this one needs immediate treatment, I propose you take him along with the rest of your group and head to Fluttershy’s cottage. Applejack and Pinkie Pie will take you there.” Twilight said.

“Then where are you going Twilight?” Pinkie asked.

“There’s still four of them running around! I can’t have something like that happening right at this time. First I need to make sure that the one at Derpy’s house is still fine along with the other two humans that went to check it out. After that I need to figure out where Rainbow Dash is keeping the last one.” Twilight explained her plan.

“She can keep that boy for a while, we don’t mind. It’s been much more relaxing around here without him pushing me to build dispensers or teleporters all day long. And that’s quite a lot yer planning to do on all on your own. Ya sure you don’t need any help from one of our members?” Engineer asked.

“I don’t know…” Twilight replied. She was still kind of freaked out by Pyro’s earlier actions. Clearly these humans come from a world where violence was tolerated to some degree, or something like that, she thought. And even though they proclaimed to be a team, they were still awfully rude among each other.

“Come on! Nothing to be scared about, ma’am. Ah can’t go mahself because of all the constructions ah made of course. And Demoman here ain’t going nowhere. That limits ya to Pyro, Sniper and Spy at the moment.”

“Hmm.” Twilight stepped closer to inspect these humans. Pyro was already not an option. At least not right now. She took a good look at the BLU Spy. He greatly resembled the robot-Spycrab she encountered before. Apart from the fact that he was made from flesh and bones rather than metal and bolts, obviously. But he was still chain-smoking and a strange smell lingered around him. Was that… Oh dear Celestia! Nope, this guy wasn’t an option as well.

Only the BLU Sniper remained now. If anything, he reminded her of a grumpy old looking man. His face was longer than the rest of the humans and he wore glasses. Twilight hadn’t heard this individual say much yet, so she had no idea how he was like. Hopefully his mood wouldn’t reflect his appearance and he wass actually a jolly good fella!

“Uhh, sure. I could use some help. I guess… him?” Twilight pointed at Sniper.

“Fine choice ma’am. You heard her Sniper! Get going. We’ll regroup later today at this cottage the ponies have been talkin’ about.” Engineer ordered Sniper even though he wasn’t the one in charge.

“Bloody plodding’ potato-heads…” Sniper mumbled silently.

“What was that?” Twilight didn’t quite catch that.

“Crikey, ya ponies got good ears! Fine, I’ll come with you, mate. Let’s just get this bloody over with.” Sniper replied annoyed.

“Fine. Then we’re off to Derpy. We’ll meet up with you guys again once we’ve gathered every human. Applejack, you can take care of this, right?” Twilight asked her friend.

“Yeah, thanks for yer help Twi. It’s much appreciated.” Applejack replied. Surely along with Pinkie Pie, she could manage to lead Pyro, Engineer, Spy, and a drunken Demoman to Fluttershy’s cottage. Both ponies just hoped that the humans wouldn’t scare the easily frightened Pegasus.

So they split up in to two groups. Applejack’s group would travel to Fluttershy’s cottage to ensure Demoman’s wellbeing while Sniper and Twilight Sparkle would try to retrieve the injured Soldier and the kidnapped Scout. Heavy and Medic were already on their way to Solly’s location along with Derpy.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Heavy, Medic and Derpy.

Derpy, after shooting Soldier in the stomach, was so frightened by those events that she immediately ran outside, looking for help. Thankfully, she was able to quickly spot eight more aliens at the town’s entrance along with Applejack earlier. They told her that the injury was no big deal and that she shouldn’t worry about it. But how couldn’t she? There was an alien bleeding to death right inside her very own house!

She agreed to take two of the humans with her as they proclaimed they could easily heal his injuries as if they’ve never existed. Derpy doubted something like that would be even possible, but she agreed anyway since she couldn’t think of anything else. There were aliens and robots running around in Ponyville, what else could she have done?

“And zhat is how I lost my medical license! Ha-hah!” Medic laughed as he just finished telling his disturbing story to Derpy.

“Hahaha!” Heavy laughed along. “Doctor always tells funny stories!”

Okay. Derpy was certain now. These humans were completely insane if that was their idea of a fun story. They were extremely violent and rude. Some of them weren’t too bright in the head, and they were strangely obsessed with hats, according to Applejack. But Derpy couldn’t deny there was a certain… charm about these humans. They were amusing in a slightly darker way.

“Fraulein, I should be able to correct your little… eye problem.” Medic said to the gray Pegasus.

“Really? But wouldn’t that hurt?” She asked.

“Ja! Of course it vould hurt! Ein, maybe zwei incisions in both eyes followed by several hours of intense laser-therapy. Unfortunately I don’t have ze proper equipment here so we’ll have to improvise using our weapons. Of course you’ll have to be awake for all of zhis.” Medic started chuckling.

It didn’t take long for Derpy to nope her way out of that conversation. Her eyes were fine just the way they are. She walked next to Heavy, who for some reason, looked like the nicest guy even though he was the most intimidating.

“So, nice weather huh?” Derpy tried to start a conversation with the Russian.

“Little pony is so little. Is funny to me.” Heavy responded with a wide grin on his face.

“Oh… thanks I guess? So what do you do for a living?” Derpy asked Heavy.

“Very good question little pony. Heavy had many jobs in past. I was active in work-camp in Siberia for years. I’ve been manager for little kick-ball team from Mother Russia and international TV-personality. But Heavy is most proud of his time killing RED cowards.” He replied.

“Okay…” Derpy quickly abandoned that conversation as well. These guys sounded a bit too violent for her likings. It didn’t matter anyway. They finally arrived at her place. Now let’s hope they can help the injured Soldier.

“Heavy will guard house in case puny robots show up. Doctor go with little gray pony and heal Soldier.” The Russian told his good friend.

“Jawohl, come fraulein. Show me where ze dummkopf is.” Medic said.

“He’s upstairs. Follow me.” Derpy led Medic through her house and eventually reached the attic where Soldier had crashed through the roof.

“NOT A STEP CLOSER MAGGOTS!” They heard a voice bark as they reached the highest floor.

“Zhis dummkopf… Get down from zhere Soldier. I’ll have you fixed up in a minute.” Medic calmly responded. The Medi-Gun he carried was able to heal any injury as long it wasn’t lethal. He watched Soldier cowering atop a closet armed with the shotgun that most likely caused his current injury. Medic wasn’t certain what his exact injury was, but there was a lot of blood spread across Derpy’s attic. So it must’ve been one hell of a shot. Luckily, Soldier was not one to complain about small injuries. He fought in the war for God’s sake! A shotgun to the guts is nothing compared to what he endured in all those years. Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

“Negatory! You’re not fooling me again!” Soldier shouted defensively and aimed his gun towards Medic and the Pegasus.

“Zhere are no spies here, idiot!” Medic complained.

“Oh, sure! That’s what the last group said as well! Then they suddenly dropped their disguise and started stabbing me in the face. I hate you Spies, each and every one of you!” Soldier barked. It appeared that he had not been alone all this time.

“Is he alright?” Derpy asked Medic.

“Nein. He never has been. But it is fascinating to know zhese robots have ze ability to disguise as well. All little bits of information help.” He replied.

“You’re not fooling anyone with your small talk! I know a robot-Spy when I see one. I can almost smell it!” Soldier jumped down from the closet. He pumped his shotgun and aimed directly at Medic. “You’re joining the scrap pile just like the rest of them. Sweet dreams, cupcake.” He said.

*BOOM*

Soldier fell face first to the floor. He was completely knocked out cold for some reason. It must’ve been due to the extreme loss of blood, Medic guessed. It didn’t matter how tough you were, if you lose that much blood, you were going to black-out eventually. Medic had the Blutsauger ready just in case. Luckily it wasn’t even necessary.

“Oh, can you feel ze schadenfreude, ha-hah! Come fraulein.” Medic laughed as he lifted up the unconscious Soldier on his shoulder. “Let’s get him to a safer place.”

“Weren’t you going to help him?” Derpy asked.

“Jawohl. But not right now. As you heard him say; Zhere might still be robots around here. I’d rather not encounter them without anyone to protect me. We’re going back to Heavy and then we’ll see vhat our next course of action should be.” Medic answered.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Twilight Sparkle and Sniper.

“So… What kind of things do you like?” Twilight desperately tried to have a conversation with the Australian who seemed extremely annoyed this entire time.

“Hmmmmgh…” Sniper just mumbled some incomprehensible gibberish.

“Is… Did I do anything wrong? I’m sorry if I did so.”

“Pfft.” Sniper sighed. “It’s not your fault, mate. It’s just that damn Mann Co.”

“What happened? Would you like to talk about it.” Twilight asked.

“Nah. It ain’t a lovely story. Too much gore. Maybe I’ll bother you with that another time. For now I’ll just have to deal with this myself.” Sniper replied.

“Okay. But if there’s something bothering you, don’t hesitate to ask.” Twilight said.

“Much appreciated, mate.”

Some more time passed and they eventually reached Derpy’s house. The roof was almost completely destroyed. Who was going to pay for this? Twilight was certain there wasn’t any alien-house-destruction insurance, so helping Derpy was now also on Twilight’s to-do list. Both she and Sniper quickly spotted the gray Pegasus, Medic and a knocked-out Soldier sitting next to the building.

“Nein, nein! Where is zhat idiot!” Medic seemed pretty upset.

“Oi, mate! What’s the problem?” Sniper asked.

“Ah Sniper! Heavy seems to have gone missing. We left him outside to guard ze house from ze robots. But he’s disappeared even though we were only inside for eine minute.” Medic replied.

“Wait. So there’s another human missing now? Oh no… This is getting more stressful every minute now.” Twilight said.

“Is zhat eine unicorn? How… fascinating.” Medic was curious to what this species was capable off.

“Aye. This gal here’s Twilight Sparkle. She’s the boss of these ponies, I’m guessing.” Sniper explained.

“Stop saying that! Whoever told you that I’m the leader?” Twilight complained.

“Then who is?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps the mayor of Ponyville? Or the Princess, maybe? But that’s not important right now. When was the last time you saw your missing friend?” Twilight asked.

“Just before we went inside the house to get Mr. Soldier here. Mr. Heavy was gone by the time we came back, so just a few minutes ago.” Derpy explained.

“Then he can’t be far from here! Let’s stick together and look for clues. Let’s just hope Rainbow Dash and the last human are fine as well.” Twilight said taking charge of the situation.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Heavy. Moments earlier.

“LITTLE BLUE PONY THINKS SHE CAN INSULT HEAVY?!” The Russian yelled annoyed at this unknown equine.

“Ssh, keep your voice down! We don’t want everypony to wake up from your big mouth, do we?” The pony replied.

“NJET! Little pony made big mistake making me her enemy.” Heavy warned the pony.

“Oh, boo-hoo! What are you going to do about it? Wait… You aren’t going to hurt me, right? Are you?” The pony responded, slightly startled after realizing how big Heavy actually was.

“…Njet. If big Heavy would crush puny defenseless pony... That would be dishonorable.” The Russian said.

“Exactly as we thought. Well then. Are you going to take our offer or not?” The pony asked.

“Little pony cannot bribe Heavy Weapons Guy. Unless… she will pay me the biggest prize.” He answered.

“We already offered you thousands of bits! You said you didn’t care about currency!”

“Njet. Not money. I will not help blue pony, but I will come with her for now if…” Heavy paused for dramatic effect.

“If what?”

“If little pony gives me that very nice hat!” Heavy grinned.

“That… can be arranged.” The pony replied with a sigh as she face-hooved.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Scout. Atop some cloud.

Poor young Scout had been kidnapped by Rainbow Dash during all the confusion. He never even saw it coming. He got knocked out by some random events and he was dragged to a cloud-like house up in the sky by the blue Pegasus. Scout had no idea how he was even able to stand atop these cartoony clouds, but he didn’t question it. He feared for his life at the moment. Who knows what kind of sick plans this pony might have in store for him? What embarrassing acts of sexual cruelty? It truly was a curse being this amazingly good looking. Even other species are attracted to you. These were all Scout’s thoughts of course.

So this it, huh? The end. The finish-line. The grand-finale. It doesn’t even matter what we call it. Scout lived a good life, even though he probably had more downs than ups. For instance; living alongside seven brothers in Boston and being the youngest one. The whole Spy-Mother romance incident. Actually… The only good memories he could think of were from his time spent at the Mann Co. Ah yes, those were the good ol’ times. Exciting days filled with blood and violence. A very generous pay-check. And all the time in the world to relax.

But things went downhill for Scout after he and the rest of BLU had gotten fired by the company. Scout just woke up that faithful day witnessing the entire base being deserted. All his possessions, weapons and hats were taken as well. Scout obviously was enraged by this and raided Mann Co store on his own that very same day. He managed to collect a dozen of Mann Co supply crates, the Holy Mackerel, and last but not least, two Mann Co Keys.

Of course, the company wasn’t pleased by Scout’s actions and decided to take drastic measures. Unlike Soldier, who they had just sent several robots to destroy, they went for a more subtle approach to take care of Scout.

They called the police on him. And thus, Scout had been running from the law ever since, not even being able to go back to his old home. He just roamed the streets of Boston for years, seeing where the world of tomorrow would take him.

And here he was now, imprisoned by some blue loud-mouthed pony. All and all, he had a decent life. Perhaps jumping of this cloud would be the best course of action. He doubted anyone was going to miss him, anyway.

Scout checked his backpack which he collected earlier back on Earth. All his weapons, hats, and items were still in there. Unfortunately, the keys and crates he still owned during his time working for the Mann Co were all taken away. You might question how it is possible to store hundreds of weapons, crates, hats, and other miscellaneous stuff inside a single backpack. The answer to that is… Magic!

Anyway, Scout did still own the two keys and dozens of crates he stole from the Mann Co. store. He might as well open a few. Maybe he would finally get a Strange Scattergun to take with him to his grave.

“Well, here goes nothing.” Scout said as he used the first key on a random crate.

*Are you sure you want to open this crate?*

“ Yes, yes! Hurry up already before that crazy pony gets back!” Scout complained.

*Uncrating your loot. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.*

“OH MY GOD WHAT IS IT?!”

*New item acquired. You unboxed: Strange Bottle.*

“Screw you, crate!” Scout wasn’t really happy with his loot. Maybe Demoman would be… But not Scout. Seriously, these crates were ridiculous. It was like a 99% chance you got something extremely crappy, or a stupid duplicate.

“Well. I got one more key. Might as well use it before I toss myself off this stupid cloud.” Scout sighed.

*Are you sure you want to open this crate?*

“No, I just put the key in there for no reason at all... Just open the damn thing!”

*Uncrating your loot. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.*

“Doo dee doo daaaa.” Scout wasn’t really paying attention anymore. It was going to be crap anyway.

*New item acquired. You have unboxed: Unusual Front Runner. Stormy Storm particle effect.*

“…Huh?” Scout couldn’t believe his eyes. This had to be a dream, it had to be! But as his hands reached out towards the glorious hat that laid before him, he knew that the almighty God Gaben himself was smiling at him from up above. This was a sign for him to continue living his life to the fullest. Yes. Thank you, God! Thank you!

Scout put on his newly acquired hat and understood the world better than ever before. Yes, this was his destiny. Bring it blue pony! Because Scout had an unusual hat, which meant he was better than your average Gibus player. Which also meant he could take down a small pony without too many problems.

“Hey! Are you ready?” Rainbow Dash suddenly appeared behind Scout. For some reason, she didn’t question his strange hat that had a rainy cloud hanging above it.

“OH GOD, DON’T EAT ME, PLEASE!” Scout immediately begged for his life as his confidence disappeared instantaneously.

“Uhh. I thought you challenged me to a race earlier. You said you were the fastest man alive, didn’t you?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Y-yeah… T-That’s right! But why did you bring me to this damn cloud, then?” Scout replied.

“If you’re as fast as you say you are, then I need to get my best game on. That’s why I got my racing-goggles!” Rainbow Dash explained as she showed off her headwear.

“Pfft. Those aren’t going to make you any faster.” Scout said. But he secretly admired those gorgeous goggles.

“Oh yeah! You’ll see, big shot! Let’s get back to town again. We’ll do a full circle around Ponyville. First one back at the entrance is the winner. I won’t even need to use my wings to beat you.” Rainbow Dash bragged.

“Yeah. Keep underestimating me. It’ll only make my victory so much sweeter.” Scout counter-bragged. He was at least relieved this pony had no dirty intentions towards him.

“Okay. Hop on!” Rainbow Dash said.

“H-Hop on what?” Scout asked confused.

“My back! Unless you want to jump down. Human can’t fly, can they?” Rainbow Dash questioned.

Scout just had a sudden flashback to one of the previous war games in the past. It was on koth_harvest. Scout jumped atop the roof in front of the enemy’s spawn. This was a bad idea since the RED team decided to have four Engineers armed with Wranglers just setting up their sentry-nests right outside their spawn. Demoman or Soldier would’ve been able to destroy those with ease, but not Scout. He just drank his Bonk-Atomic Punch and was launched to the moon seconds later. Eventually, gravity kicked him back and he fell to his unavoidable doom. Luckily, they still had the Respawn back then.

“Yeah. Uhh, no. Humans can’t fly.” Scout answered. “But I’m not getting on, no way!”

“Why the hay not?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Because uhh… I don’t know? You’re a small pony that most likely won’t be able to carry my weight?” Scout explained. He didn’t like falling down.

“Really?! Who do you think got you up here in the first place? Look, maybe I can’t carry those other big fat alien-friends of yours. But you! Look at how scrawny you are, it’s easy, no problem!” Rainbow Dash said.

“S-Scrawny?! Listen babe, I guarantee ya, these are all muscles.” Scout started flexing. But he guessed it made sense that this pony was able to lift him. How else did he get on this cloud?

“Yeah, sure. Are you coming or what? I want to have our little race before Twilight and the others find us.”

“Okay… Uhh I just get on here and... uhh.” Scout was now sitting on Dash’s back. Never had he felt this uncomfortable in his life. “Okay. I think I’m ready.” He said. Luckily, Scout’s small physique made it easy to carry him around.

“Let’s go!” Rainbow Dash shouted and took off at light speed.

“AAAAH!” Scout screamed like a baby. This pony wasn’t lying about her speeding-skills, that’s for sure.

“Geez. Quit your whining, seriously!” Rainbow Dash complained.

A couple of minutes soaring through the sky passed which gave Scout some time to think and relax. He was riding a rainbow-colored pony with wings in a different world where he was being chased by violent robots. And he just randomly acquired an unusual hat.

Something wasn’t right here… Good things never happened to Scout! Why couldn’t he remember how he had gotten atop that cloud? It’s simple really.

Yes, Scout had it all figured out. This was just a lucid dream. Surely these random events can’t be part of reality. It was just an extremely awkward and scarily realistic dream.

“He-he…. Ha ha ha!” Scout started chuckling slightly nervous. If you haven’t realized it by now, he’s gone completely insane.

“Are you alright?” Rainbow Dash asked as she noticed Scout’s sudden change of mood.

“Oh, suuure! I’m totally fine.” He responded. “Hey pony… do a barrel-roll!”

“Do a what now? WOAH WOAH!” Rainbow Dash suddenly lost her balance as Scout started swinging from left to right on her back.

“Weeee! Come on! Do a corkscrew and a loop!”

“Are you crazy! Sit still or you’re gonna get both of us killed!” Rainbow Dash warned Scout.

But Scout didn’t care. He kept throwing Rainbow Dash off balance with his weird shenanigans. It didn’t take long for Rainbow Dash to start crashing down at an alarmingly fast rate.

“Don’t worry! I’ll wake up in a minute or two and then everything will be fine again!” Scout managed to say before they crashed inside the Everfree Forest.

*Crash*

Both of their falls were luckily stopped by an enormous tree. They both crashed into a comfortable pile of leaves. Yet, unfortunately for Scout, he didn’t ‘wake’ up and came to the conclusion that this was, in fact, reality. Which was bad, but also pretty good because the unusual hat wasn’t just his imagination. Oh, the rest of the BLUs would be so jealous!

Rainbow Dash on the other hand… or hoof, was pretty pissed off. What’s this guy’s problem? Going completely loco in the coco while flying hundreds of meters up in the sky. And worst of all, they wouldn’t have time to hold their race right now.

“What the hay is your problem, punk!” Rainbow Dash confronted Scout.

“Oh… I uhh… I’m sorry. I thought this wasn’t real or something. It’s my stupid mistake, and I’m truly sorry for it.” Scout replied feeling genuinely upset about what happened.

“Yeah… Well, you’re not off the hook, yet! We’ll have our race sooner or later!” Dash said.

“BEEP.”

“Did you hear that?” Scout asked as he was bothered by this sudden beep.

“Hear what?”

“BOOP.”

“That! Oh, dear god! ROBOT!” Scout yelled as he saw two bright glowing eyes emerge from a bush behind them.

“You! Yes, you! You are dead!” The robot said. It appears this was a Heavy-bot.

“What, me?!” Rainbow Dash asked concerned.

“Njet. Him! BOOP.” The mechanical giant pointed at Scout.

“Why is it always me?” Scout sighed. But he was ready for some action, anyway. And this situation did not call for a Scattergun or Force’a’Nature. Oh no. This called for a real man’s weapon; The Holy Mackerel. “Alright Dash. You just fly off or something and let me handle this.” He ordered the blue Pegasus.

“Ha! I’m not going anywhere, whether you like it or not.” Rainbow Dash replied. She wasn’t a pony to run away from her problems. She’d rather confront them.

“I will teach puny meat bag respect! NOM NOM NOM!” The Heavy Weapons Bot started to chew down a Buffalo Steak Sandvich. How a mechanical being could consume a steak, they couldn’t figure out for the life of them. After he finished his meal, the robot equipped his melee weapons; The Eviction’s Notice.

“Alright, if you’re going to stay, just don’t get close to that big ugly and you’ll be totally fine.” Scout explained to Dash.

“YAAAAH!” The robot rushed forward swinging his arms wildly around him with amazing speed.

But not quick enough as both Scout and Rainbow Dash were able to get away quite easily from the insane Heavy-bot.

“WHOOO!” Scout did his battle cheer and ran directly towards the big mechanical monstrosity. Ah, yes. How long has it been since he was freely able to beat the living hell out of an enemy Heavy? It was… beautiful, almost like a sort of art to Scout.

He slapped that smelly Mackerel right in the robot’s face multiple times. Sure, it didn’t do too much damage, but it was just so incredibly satisfying.

Rainbow Dash was face-hoofing while hovering in the sky at this random battle plan Scout had. Even she could realize hitting a monster made from metal with sea-food wasn’t going to do much harm. She didn’t know quite what to do to help in this situation, but by Celestia, She was going to try.

“KA-POW!” Rainbow Dash bucked the robot straight in the face with her very own sound effect. It seemed to have slightly more impact than the Mackerel as the Heavy-bot started staggering.

“OW!” Apparently robots could feel pain now as they could hear from his reaction. “All of you are dead now!” Heavy Weapons Bot was enraged.

But Scout already saw an opportunity to strike when Rainbow Dash did her attack. He just kept striking the giant with his fish, and no matter how tough you were, no matter how much experience you had, all would eventually fall to the mighty Holy Mackerel. And since Scout was so fast, and the Heavy-bot so extremely slow, it was rather easy to avoid his strikes. Of course the Mad-Milk Scout also carried made taking damage a lot less concerning.

“RAAARRRGH!” The bot cried with pain from his humiliating defeat. He eventually exploded after about seven minutes of intense Fish on Machine action.

“Wow, That was... random.” Rainbow Dash said. “These robots you humans keep talking about don’t look that dangerous at all.”

“Yeah. Individually they’re a bunch of wimps. But if they attack as a team, you’d better hide.” Scout explained. He could still clearly remember the army of Pyros along with the intense heat produced by their flames when he and the BLUs first arrived in Equestria.

“Hmm. They still seem pretty weak to me. Anyway, let’s get back to Ponyville. I’m sure every pony is worried about us by now.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Yeah, sure. The more, the merrier.” Scout replied.

“HAAAAAAAAAAAAVE AT THEM, LADS!” A robotic voice suddenly shouted from behind them.

“OH CRAP! RUUUN! Let’s get the hell out of this forest!” Scout shouted as he heard multiple swords and axes being unsheathed. He didn’t want to stay with those guys, that’s for sure.

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Author's note: So I unboxed my first unusual earlier this week. Felt pretty good!