A Different World

There are many Equestrias. This one of them, duh. But, it's much different than any you have likely ever read about. But, it starts out about the same as any generic story does. With the hero arriving in a magical place we're all familiar with.

"Welcome to Detroit, cracker. Now give me yo money before I pop yo head."

Whoops. Sorry. Wrong world. Let's try that again.

Ahem.

With the hero arriving in a magical place we're all familiar with.

"Oh, that poor stallion."

"What kind of terrible mare would force him into that terrible thing. In the middle of summer no less."

"Someone call a guard. The poor thing might overheat."

"Shouldn't we be helping him?"

"Are you crazy? That's the tallest stallion I've ever seen. Call me a coward, but, I am not chancing the probability that he might be very upset at the moment."

"I know I would be. Hope they get here soon."

These were the words I heard as I staggered along the street. Being new to the quadruped stage, it was a wonder no one was laughing at me. Although... no one else appeared to be a quadruped either. They were all standing on their hind legs. Was I freak or something? I had already tried to stand on my hind legs when I arrived in this place.

It went badly. Oh so very Badly.

To top it all off, due to my transformation into this... thing, I couldn't see my self all that clearly, my equipment had transformed as well to conform to my shape. And I mean it really conformed to my shape. It was absolutely useless now, most of it. My helmet was the worst. The... absolute... worst.

Sure, it had conformed to the size of my head, and fit snuggly like a proper helmet should. But, It ensured the only way I could breathe was through my nose, and the only part of my face that could move were my eyes. That was just fucked up. I couldn't even communicate with these creatures. Couldn't see them all that well either. Stupid visor kept fogging up.

Having already walked for what felt like miles, when, in truth, I had just staggered my way out of a back alley a few minutes ago, it finally seemed as though things might be looking up. They were obviously pitying me... great, I was pitiful... okay, shoving my pride into the background... it seemed as though I was going to be getting some help.

I didn't hold my breath. In no way am I going to jinx this.

The guards that were supposedly coming to my rescue could be heard long before they arrived. The clanking of metal was like a thousand gongs rolling down a rocky mountainside. Maybe what I was had excellent hearing. That would be so cool, being able to hear things again, that is.

Anyway, the guards were quick to appear before me, and they were easy to make out through my fogged lenses. Were they wearing gold? Wow... what kind of world did I land in that makes armor out of such a flimsy metal? Ceremonial armor, I could understand, but these guys were running in it and carrying spears.

"Who did this?" one of the demanded.

Never mind. These were gals. No man has voice like that.

Seeing them brandish their spears menacingly may have caused me to take a step back. Or two. Okay, I retreated until my butt hit a wall, citizens of this place cried out in protest of my erratic movement. Great, now I'm butthurt on a number of levels.

One of the guards, who apparently had some purple mixed with her armor gave a signal for the other guards to step back, before setting her spear upon the ground and approaching me, arms held out in front of her.

"Easy, boy," she cooed softly. Seriously? What was I, a dog? Actually, that was plausible. Maybe I should woof a bit. If I didn't have this helmet on my head. She continued approaching, cooing softly and dishing out compliments like they were going out of style. "It's okay. You're a good boy, aren't you? Yes, you are. A big boy, too. Wow, you really are quite the biggest stallion I've ever met. Didn't think they made them in your size."

Stallion? I'm a horse? Well, that's not too far off from a dog. Both can be trained to do the exact same stuff. Only, one you can ride, and the other won't crush you when it wants to sit on your lap. Well, at least I discovered something about myself today. Also explains why I can't feel my toes.

I don't think I'll miss toes. They hurt like fuck when stubbed, and are too high maintenance. Now, fingers... those I'm going to miss. I shall never play the piano again... why couldn't this have happened when I was a kid. Stupid piano lessons. I hated that stupid device that was originally created to be a tuning instrument for other instruments. Ha, made you learn.

"That's right, I'm not gonna hurt you," the creature said, now right in front of me. She patted my head softly, though it rattled a bit inside that stupid helmet. Have I mentioned I hate this helmet? "C'mon, let's just get this off of you."

She slowly slipped her fingers around the edge of the cursed helmet and gave it a firm tug. And then she gave it another tug. And another tug. Another tug. Tug. Tug. Tug. Crap. It wouldn't budge.

By now, she was fuming. Though, she didn't seem particularly upset at the helmet. "When I catch the hooligans that did this too you, I'm gonna skin them alive and hang them by their own guts."

Woah! Ouch! This girl was crazy mean. I hope she wouldn't actually mean that. That might be gong a little far, don't'cha think?

After a few more tugs, during which the rest of the guards tried to help her, she finally gave up and took a few deep breaths. "Wait until Celestia hears about this abuse. Let's see about getting the rest off of him, maybe that'll loosen things up a bit."

Not going to work, lady. I designed this armor so that the only way to remove it was to remove the helmet first. A regrettable design choice, given the circumstances. But, hey, how was I supposed to know I would get to a point were I couldn't take it off? It was designed like this to remove any chinks in the armor.

"We can't seem to find any latch, Captain," a guard piped up, stepping back to get a good look at me. She seemed to like what she saw. The heck is wrong with you? I'm a horse. "And the seams are too tight to get a grip on."

"What?" the captain demanded angrily, coming over to see for herself. "I don't believe this? How? Why? That's just plain stupid."

Ouch. Well, at least it wasn't advanced stupid.

Another guard put in her two cents. "A pretty advanced kind of stupid, actually."

Somebody's lookin' for hurtin'.

"Then let's cut it off of him," the captain growled, pulling out a sword. Yeah, not gonna work either.

After some sawing and hacking, I'm pretty sure that part left a bruise, they finally gave up and sheathed their blades. The captain was not happy.

"I don't believe this," she growled in frustration. "It's made of fabric for crying out loud. How can we not be cutting through fabric? Did some wizard do this?"

Hey, they're actually blaming it on a wizard. I might like this world. But, back to the armor, NANO-machines, son. Just kidding. NANO fibers. Almost impenetrable, save to a high powered rifle, really big explosion, or a diamond-tipped chainsaw. Of course, a shotgun slug to the chest could still kill me, as the armor just keeps most stuff from passing through me. I'm more like an egg in a wooden box, him me hard enough an I will break.

"We could try the nearest blacksmith," one guard suggested.

Ooh. Yeah, and extreme heat could part the fibers as well. Forgot to mention that. The blacksmith was sure surprised anyway.

After I was a lead to a large outdoor shop, the captain spoke with someone for a bit while the other guards kept petting me. It was nice, but, they really needed to learn some boundaries. Just like me. Hehe. Okay, so here's where I really panicked.

The blacksmith, also a female, suddenly starts approaching me was a length of metal she just pulled out of the coals. That was it. The though that thing scouring across my flesh was enough to make me want to bolt. Luckily, for someone, they managed to wrangle me down, and place my head atop an anvil as though I were awaiting the headsman. Yikes. Stupid armor was so useless for mobility in this shape.

After a series of soft coos and gentle pats to get me to calm down, the blacksmith went to work on the fabrics around my neck. Thus I remained as still as a statue while she diligently worked with what I hoped was the skill of a surgeon.

"Would you look at that?" the blacksmith gasped in astonishment. "It's just disintegrating."

You're probably thinking that that's a design flaw. Nah. It takes nearly a thousand degrees to start breaking down the cellular structure of the NANO fibers. I'd be dead anyway if I came across a place that hot. No heat shields. I never planned on entering a volcano anyway.

The captain was quick to take interest. "Then make sure you leave as much in take as possible. I need to show this to the princesses."

She's welcome to it. No catch. If delivering this to the higher-ups means receiving some favor and favors in return, I'm all for it. Just as long as I get the credit for the delivery.

"And, done," the blacksmith noted proudly. Wow, she really did have the skill of a surgeon. I didn't even smell any burnt fur. Did horses have fur in this world? Well, I would soon find out. "Hold his shoulder's for me, ladies."

The guards all took hold of me, captain included, while the blacksmith gripped her fingers around the edges of my helmet and gave one hard tug. It stung like the dickens. Hey, horses do have fur in this world.

"Oh, that's a brave stallion," the captain cried, griping my neck in a hug. Wow, it felt good to feel contact like that again.

"Thank you, ma'am," I thanked her wholeheartedly.

The shop exploded in cries of shock, that caused me to jump up in terror and look around. Everyone was staring at me. Speaking of horses... without that foggy visor these ladies all looked like horses too. Only they stood on their hind legs. Something's fishy around here, or my name isn't Selfen Surt.

Back to the matter at hand, I turned to look the captain in the eye. "Did I do something wrong?"

Everyone shirked again. Oh, how it hurt my new, very sensitive ears.

"Y-y-you talked," the captain cried, pointing a finger at me.

Now, that just seemed like a dumb statement. Here's a dumb question to compliment it.

"Was I not supposed to?" I asked dubiously.