That was the most uncomfortable 2 day nap you’ve ever had. When you nap, it’s important to nap for as long as possible, to build up energy, and you did so you could build your palace.

Nevertheless, it was most uncomfortable. After you build the palace you’ll have to build a mattress.

“How well rested I feel!” you exclaim, enjoying the sound of your own voice. “I am ready to tackle the challenges that lie ahead, as any good human would! It’s a good thing I’m not hungry and I can breathe and appear to be able to carry on with life as normal! I’ll roll with it. Never question a good thing. Now time to find a find the perfect place for my palace!”

It’s imperative to you that you find the most regal place on the entire moon for a good place for the castle. You have the entire moon to choose from, so you’ll take your time and search.

“What an excellent day to be a human on the moon! And to be King of the Moon! It’s a good thing I’m a human and King of the Moon, then. So many places to go to, so many things to see! Life is looking up!”

You smile brightly to yourself as you gaze across your kingdom. It’s nothing short of a masterpiece. Being the overlord of such a wonderful area makes you swell with pride.

“This is certainly the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me! No Twilight! No evil princesses! No ponies whatsoever! The human population far outnumbers the ponies now! What a utopia! I couldn’t be happier! This is the place I-... What is that?”

A foreign object pokes out in your peripheral vision. This object, unlike the rest of the moon, is not a rock, and therefore blatantly stands out in a way you simply cannot ignore. Your eye is drawn to this distant object.

It’s several hundred meters away, so you cannot tell exactly what it is yet, but from this distance it looks to be black or a dark shade of blue, perhaps.

“What is that?” you ask yourself out loud, beginning another speech. “What a strange thing to see! This perplexes me greatly, I must admit. Even I, a brilliant human, did not anticipate seeing such a foreign object in my domain.”

Indeed, there is something else on the moon with you. Has this object been here? Did it just arrive? You must investigate.

As you take a few steps forward, you notice the object moves, as if it’s walking.

“This is no simple object!” you exclaim dramatically. “This is a creature! A living creature of some variety is trespassing! On my land! I cannot stand for this! I must do as all the great kings have done before me and fight for what is mine!”

You steel yourself to your resolve and march with great determination towards this invading creature, more than ready to vanquish it; with words or with death! You will oblige it both ways.

“How could this creature have gotten here? Perhaps it is another fellow human who was cast out by those evil princesses! In such a case, I will not fight them, but ask them to join my court! Surely if they are in the same predicament as I, a Lordship would be in order!”

That would be very kingly, you think. Nothing shows off being a king quite like having subjects. The first of many, you hope!

But those hopes are quick to fade.

“The beast is on four legs!” you observe. “A pony, then! An inherently evil creature. A shame! But I will do as I must.”

You begin to hear the creature monologuing as you approach, still trying to make out its exact form. What a familiar tone the creature is using.

“Curse thee, Celestia!” the creature roars, pacing. “Enjoy your reign while it lasts, for in 1,000 years, I will retake my position on the throne of Equestria, and make it so the night will last forever! Mwah ha ha!”

“What an evil laugh this creature has,” you say to yourself, still approaching the pony. The moon is really big, so it’s taking a while to get over there. “Truly they are an evil villain, such as I, but certainly not more evil! I must converse with this pony.”

The pony is much larger than the average pony, as the royal sisters were. But this pony is even bigger than they are! This is a pony you oddly don’t recognize, which makes no sense. Surely a pony being nearly twice the size of the royal sisters would make herself known in some capacity.

“How has a large, evil creature surfaced so suddenly?” you wonder.

This intruder looks awfully familiar, you think. It’s almost as though you just saw this pony the other day, but you cannot say for certain.

“I will return!” the large pony booms. “All you have done, Celestia, is give me 1,000 years of planning! So be sure that when I return, you will be destroyed! Your beloved Equestria will be bathed in darkness like it always should have been! You will-”

“Hey!” you call, stopping the intruder’s monologuing. It wasn’t that great of a speech anyway. Certainly not better than any of yours. “What the H. E. Double Hockey Sticks are you doing here?”

“Ah! Yes!” the giant horse proclaims, looking amused to see you. “It’s the human who thinks it can use magic! Ha ha! At least my 1,000 years here will be amusing for a while.”

“Do not insult me, horse!” you kingly command, wondering what she means by her statement regarding magic. “I demand you tell me why you’re here at once!”

“To rule the moon, of course!” she booms, the force of her voice nearly knocking you over.

This freakishly large horse is an alicorn, which immediately strikes you as odd, as you assumed there were only two in existence, as this one is not them. Her fur is a dark black which is contrasted with her light blue shoes, chest plate, and helmet she dons. Her eyes are a light blue as well with a long and thin pupil. Her cutie mark is the moon surrounded by bright purple. It’s a familiar looking mark, you think.

“You cannot do that!” you say, exasperated. “I rule the moon! I am Lord King of the Moon!”

“Well not anymore! I hope you enjoyed your time as king, but that reign has come to end, starting now.”

“You have no power here! I am your King now! And you are in my kingdom!”

“Tis not much of a kingdom!” the horse laughs, gesturing around her. “All I see for miles are piles of rocks and the stupidest human in recorded history.”

“See, that’s just a mean thing to say.”

“My harsh words do not change these circumstances: I am Princess of the Moon! Bow down before me, human!” she demands, standing up straight, trying to look regal, and you hate it. “Kiss my hooves, proclaim me as your Princess, and perhaps I will allow you to live in my future empire as a court jester.”

“No,” you say simply. “I will not allow myself to be demoted. No, that’s stupid.”

“Tis not!” she stamps a hoof. “I will be Princess of Equestria upon my return home! And while here, I am Princess of the Moon.”

“No, you can’t be!”

“I can be whatever I please! I am the Princess!”

“No, because I’m King of the Moon!”

“I did not proclaim myself as King of the Moon, you simpleton! Listen to me as I speak! I am Princess of the Moon!”

“No, you can’t be, because I’m King of the Moon and won’t let you be princess.”

“I do not need your permission!”

“Yes you do because I’m the King. I’m the King, I make the rules.”

“Fine,” she pouts. “Then I am no longer Princess of the Moon. I proclaim myself: Empress of the Moon!”

“Hey!” you yell, crossed. “You can’t do that! I’m already the King!”

“I can do as I please because I’m the Empress.”

“That’s not fair!”

“Life isn’t fair, you nerd!”

“I’m not a nerd,” you defend, hating being called that. “You’re the nerd. And you dress like a drag queen!”

“How dare you!” she snaps, rearing up on her hind legs, but you are not threatened by a big dumb pony.

“You’re not the Empress of the Moon, you’re the Drag Queen of the Moon!”

“I am 100% woman!” she proclaims, shaking her hips and lifting a foreleg up slightly. “And an Empress! Now do as I say! Kneel before me, kiss my hooves, proclaim me as your ruler, and submit to my rule!”

“No,” you pout, crossing your arms. “I’m not gonna do it.”

“You have to do it because I’m the Empress and I told you to!”

“I don’t care what you say because I’m the King and I don’t have to listen to you.”

“Do you see my cutie mark?” the horse asks, turning her big butt towards you. “It’s the fucking moon. Okay? We’re currently on the moon. Okay? Following me? Therefore, the moon is rightfully mine. It is the will of the Gods!”

“No it’s not because I got first dibs.”

“Dibs!” she calls.

“Too late!”

“No matter! This moon is mine by right!”

“No, it’s mine. And I’m not going to do what you say because I only take orders from the King of the Moon.”

Her eyes narrow sharply, trying to pierce your soul and instill fear within you, but your human powers block her mental advances.

“Then you leave me no choice,” she growls, brandishing her sharp teeth and her horn lighting up. She drops her forelegs slightly and aims her horn at you, ready to battle.

“Yeah?” you laugh. “Your weak pony magic has no power here! I have the power! I’m the king! I-”

In that moment, a great surge of energy shoots from the pony’s horn and hits you square in the chest, knocking you flat on your back.

“O-Ow,” you groan, not being able to take a full breath after getting the wind knocked out of you. “That really hurt,” you wheeze.

“Let that be a warning to all who dare oppose me!” she announces as if she’s speaking to a crowd.

“Oh jeez, that really hurt,” you wheeze again, putting a hand on your chest. “I can’t breathe.”

“Submit, human!” the horse demands.

“Ne-ver!” you cry dramatically in pain, like Mel Gibson at the end of Braveheart, but much, much quieter. “I’m really in a lot of pain... Oh jeez... Oh jeez.”

“Cease your pathetic ramblings and submit! Kiss my hooves or prepare to be destroyed!”

You cough and wheeze, managing to slowly struggle to your feet. Thankfully with the lack of gravity it’s relatively easy to get back up.

Now is the time to show this pony who you are! Now is the time to show this pony what you’re made of! You’re the King of the Moon! You will stand up for your kingdom in the face of all adversity! And you will win!

“Well?” the horse asks impatiently. “Will you submit?”

Defiantly, you stand up as straight as you can, your chest still in pain.

“I will never submit!” you declare through your chest pain. “I will never surrender! This land is mine! I will ne-VER surren-”

“Did your voice just crack?!” the horse laughs heartily, stopping your speech dead in its tracks. “How embarrassing!”

Your face turns red in embarrassment and rage. “I’ will never-”

“Ha ha ha!” she laughs, almost falling down in glee. She stomps her hoof hard against the rocks, enjoying herself quite a lot right now. “Ha ha ha!”

“Stop laughing at me and listen!” you demand, red faced. “I am your King! I deserve respect!”

“Ha ha ha!” she laughs harder, wiping the tears out of her eyes, unable to control herself.

“That’s it! I don’t need this! I’m leaving!” you pout, turning and stomping away from the bully horse.

“It figures my perfect kingdom would be ruined by the presence of ponies,” you grumble to yourself, still hearing the horse laughing in the distance as you trudge away. “Gosh! They have to ruin everything for me!”

You angrily kick a rock, watching it roll away a bit, frustrated with how your kingdom has already been ruined.

“Ugh! I hate them so much! My kingdom was perfect! Everything was going great until that big dumb loser shows up. Gosh!”

You glare back at the horse, whose form you can still barely make out, to notice she still appears to be laughing. That makes you mad.

“I will rise again,” you declare to yourself. “I will destroy that bully of pony. Just wait and see…”

Author's Note

I hope someone is reading this and enjoying it.
The comments for this have been awful