You'll Thank Me Later

“Is he alright?”

“I’ve never seen anything like this before. His skeletal structure resembles a monkey’s, but he’s much larger and has less hair.”

My senses are beginning to return to me. I think I hear… voices.

“So what IS he?”

“I have no idea, but regardless he has two cracked ribs and a fractured wrist. The scan was inconclusive, but it looks like he has a nasty concussion to boot. Where did you say he came from?”

I can barely hear with this ringing in my ears. It sounds like people are close by. Did they find me? Those horses I saw, was that all a dream?

“He LITERALLY fell right out of the sky. Spitfire barely caught him before he hit the ground. We were practicing speed dives and this guy just dropped right by us.”

“Well I have to say, it was genuinely a stroke of luck that the Wonderbolts were training over Ponyville today, otherwise I’d have nothing to work with.”

I hear the two voices laugh out loud; Deep, masculine voices. Hang on… Wonderbolts…? Ponyville? There’s no Ponyville in this state. Something is suddenly very wrong here.

“Yeah really. Anyway, I gotta fly. Canterlot will send an agent down to follow this up in a bit.”

“Of course. Thank you, Lieutenant…”

“Soarin. I’ll see you around, doc.”

The sound of clacking footprints leaves echoes into the hallway. Was that officer wearing heel clickers or something? I ease my eyes open, they feel heavy and sluggish. Fluorescent light blinds me and I hear a monitor beeping beside me to the left.

“Oh, you’re awake. Easy now, don’t move to quickly or you might injure yourself further. You’re lucky to be alive.”

I slowly turn my head to face the voice and I jump suddenly. Next to the bed I’m tied down to is a brown Technicolor horse in a lab coat with clean, darker brown hair.

“What the-?”

“Like I said, easy. You’re very badly injured, but we should have you fixed up in a jiffy.”

Where am I? What’s going on? Why am I tied to the bed?!

I nod slightly, trying to remain calm. If I move to quickly the horse-doctor might read it as an act of aggression and I’m in no position to defend myself.

“Yes sir.” I say calmly.

“Oh excellent! You speak Equestrian. I was worried you might not understand me.” The doctor chuckles.

Everything around me looks cartoony and over-polarized. The light is cool and white, shining on me gently.

“So why exactly am I tied to the bed?” I ask, pulling the restraints gently with my hands and a sharp pain jerks through my right wrist and arm.

“Standard procedure; you were carrying a lot of rather threatening objects and security insisted we restrain you until we could figure out what you are. What exactly ARE you, if I may ask?”

I barely hesitate to answer.

“I’m a human being. Where am I?”

“A hu-man…? Odd, I’ve never heard of that species before. But, I’m a doctor, not a veterinarian. You, my friend are in the Ponyville Medical Clinic.” He responds, tossing his head lightly.

“Hey, I’m not an animal, buddy. I’m sentient, and as you can clearly see vocal.”

“Forgive me, I didn’t mean to offend you. I simply believe that you may be the only ‘human being’ ever seen around here. Where are you from? Why did you have so many weapons with you? You’re wearing camouflage; does that mean you’re a combatant?”

This guy is asking a lot of questions. Wait, the only human? That must mean the others haven’t turned up… Shit. Now I have to watch what I say very carefully. As it stands I guess I’m a political prisoner, if I tell them I’m military that might make things worse for me. Still, they did take me to a hospital and not a prison cell. Maybe I can gain the upper hand here…

“I’d love to explain, but first could you untie me? My wrist is killing me.”

“Of course; you don’t seem to pose much of a threat and it would be better to let that wrist of yours rest.”

No threat? I’ll let that one go.

The doctor walks over and pulls the release cord on the straps loose with his mouth; I instantly feel my arms fall to my sides.

I scratch my forehead.

“Thanks.”

“Think nothing of it. Now what did you say you were doing before the Wonderbolts found you?”

Another horse, a bright pink one with a horn on its head in a white nurse’s uniform walks in and interrupts the doctor. Good.

“Ah, questions can wait. It’s time to try to fix you up.”

I see a lack of surgical equipment, what the hell are they going to do?

“This may hurt a little bit, we’re not terribly familiar with your anatomy.” She says.

I nod and try to sit up, noticing that my blouse is gone. All I have are my BDU trousers and the black undershirt tucked into them. They even managed to remove my boots.

The nurse points her head at me and her horn starts glowing pink. Seriously, this is weirding me the FUCK out. My body starts to glow pink as well and suddenly I feel a horrific chilling feeling wash over me.

“Are you alright?” The doctor asks, his words are distorted in my ears.

My brain feels fried and all of my nerves are screaming. What the hell are they doing to me?!

“It’s barely affecting him!” The nurse yells, closing her eyes and intensifying the energy.

“I need two unicorns in here STAT!” The doctor yells into the hallway.

I start to convulse in the bed and hold on to the rails for support. My ribs start to ache and my head gets bubbly as two more nurses run in and add their energy to death-ray.

That’s too much, I nearly pass out and vomit on the floor as my ribs crack back into position. My wrist twists itself and I hear bones re-align themselves. After five hellish minutes of confusion and pain the nurses stop and nearly collapse, panting.

“Wh-what the FUCK was that?!” I stammer as my head stops spinning.

“That was a healing spell, although it barely had any effect on you… For some reason it appears you’re extremely resistant to magic. Either way, you seem alright to me. Do you feel alright?”

I feel like a wrecking ball just tore through my head and destroyed everything.

“All good, sir.”

“Wonderful. Do you have any questions before I discharge you?” The doctor asks.

Discharge?! Already? Where the fuck am I supposed to go? Why the hell are cartoon horses talking to me? What the hell did they just do to me?

“Not really. Where did you guys put my stuff?” I reply.

“Your weapons were confiscated for inspection by the town’s librarian, and your uniform is hanging on the door. As for your gear, I believe Miss Sparkle has that as well.”

Sparkle? Really? Did I wake up in some little girl’s dreamland or something? Hang on, he said uniform. Do they know?

“Where can I find her?”

“The library, down Cherry Street through the market. It’s in a giant tree.”

Right. Giant tree. Got it.

“Thank you, sir. Do I owe anything?”

“You mean like a co-payment? Not at all. You’ve been fully provided for by the Royal Bureau of Medical Services. Princess Celestia herself sent a letter requesting your treatment. All she requests is that you stay in Ponyville until further notice.”

Great. The Monarchy knows I’m here, and they took my weapons and gear. I have nothing to bargain with, I am completely at their mercy. Worst of all, now I owe them my life. Fucking screwby.

I stand up and wince in pain, my ribs still hurt like hell.

“Be careful. The magic healed the break, but barely and your ribs are still bruised. No heavy physical activity for a while.”

Terrific.

“Yes, sir. Thank you.” I say, pulling on my blouse, buttoning it, and grabbing my cover off the ornate and cartoony coat rack. I lace my boots up and blouse my pants into them, dusting off. If they know I’m a soldier I might as well look professional.

I walk out into the lobby and feel every face stare at me. I don’t like this, I try not to return the gazes in the crowded ER as I push open the double doors and walk outside into the cool evening air.

Current objective: Find the library and get my weapons back.