The Relapse

Well, tonight was very educational, but mostly annoying. Cadence and Shining came to town a day or two ago and Cadence invited me out to dinner, just the two of us.

“Oh Comet! It’s been a while!” she greeted with a hug when I met her outside of the fancy downtown restaurant, “And don’t you look handsome!”

“Thanks?” I replied as she straightened out my blazer, “So-”

“Come on, let’s go inside,” she interrupted as she turned to head inside. With a shake of my head, I followed her inside to our table where she stopped and watched me sit down.

“…What?” I asked after sitting through a few seconds of her staring.

“Aren’t you going to help me sit down?” she asked with an expectant look. I felt my brow raise as I took a second to judge whether she was serious or not and came to the conclusion she was before helping her.

“So, what’s this about?” I asked once I took my seat.

“Practice,” she answered as she looked over the menu.

“…For what?”

“Your first date, of course.”

“…Well, technically, I had my first date a while ago, so you’re kind of late.”

“That doesn’t count; there were others there.”

“…Alright, but what’s there for me to practice? I thought mares were the ones that had to do all the work when it comes to this stuff?”

“It depends actually.”

“On what?”

“Race, species, sex; all of that has to be considered when going on a date. And considering your recent encounter with a certain griffon, you’ll have to learn a few new things.”

“Why does everyone think I like Selene? We only went to lunch.”

“Well, it’s nice to know some things just in case. Want some wine?”

“Don’t mind if I do.” After taking a minute to order our food, the two of us sat in silence for a minute just staring at each other.

“…So-”

“Oh dear, it’s worse than I thought,” she sighed.

“What?”

“Alright, first and foremost, griffons don’t enjoy being stared at.”

“What a coincidence.”

“Hush. Now, in griffon culture the males are the ones to usually start things off-”

“Usually?”

“Most female griffons are headstrong, so they might take being asked out as an insult to their character.”

“Hmm.”

“So once you’ve found out what kind of griffon she is and successfully ask her out, there are a few things to keep in mind when on the date. One: don’t do anything for her. She’ll assume you think she’s weak and be offended.”

“So don’t help her sit?”

“Definitely not. Two: don’t compliment her on her looks. Chances are she already knows she looks nice and doesn’t need anyone to reassure her; if you do, she’ll be offended.”

“Of course,” I replied as the wine arrived and I took a large gulp.

“Third: keep most of the conversation on her. It’ll make you seem less self-absorbed-”

“Excuse me?”

“And that’s about it. The rest depends on you knowing her personally, got it?”

“…Well as informative as that was, I don’t know how much of that I’ll actually remember. Everything you just told me except for the males starting things goes against everything I’ve learned back in my world, not to mention general courtesy and kindness.”

“As I know you know, this isn’t your world Comet. While there may be a lot of similarities, there are more differences that you’ll have to learn about. Relationships being one of them.”

“…Okay, but in the event that I’m not interested in Selene or griffons in general, what should I know about ponies?”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about anything then. The mare should know what she’s doing and show you a good time.”

“Now that’s what I was expecting and can get behind.”

“Well, I suppose there’s one thing you should be on the look out for with both ponies and griffons; body language.”

“I might know a little bit about that.”

“Do you?”

“Sure.”

“Alright, what does it mean when a mare does this?” she asked, but her face didn’t seem to move.

“…You didn’t do anything.”

“Didn’t I?” she asked as she looked at her slightly extended wings.

“Oh, I thought you were just stretching.”

“…No, depending on the situation, extended wings could mean she’s happy, excited, angry, aroused; again, it depends on the situation.”

“As specific as you’re being, you’re somehow also extremely vague.”

“Hush. Now, how about this?” she asked as her ears drooped and her brows furrowed, but was smiling.

“Hmm… I recognize this look; Dew Star gives it to me pretty often. I’m going to go with, apprehension or discomfort?”

“Alright, so you do know something.”

“When it comes to faces, sure. If there’s anything about you ponies that’s similar to humans, it’s how expressive your faces are, and I like to think I can read expressions, if not body language.”

“This might not be so difficult then.” The rest of the night went by just as uneventfully with Cadence ending or starting most of her tips with ‘depending on the situation/mare.’ Extremely helpful.

“Will you be coming over to the castle this weekend?” she asked as we walked out of the restaurant, “You know I had a filly recently.”

“I heard and congratulations, but maybe. I think Dew Star and I are doing something.”

“Really?” she asked in a weird tone.

“Yeah.”

“What about Crystal Beth?”

“I don’t know; she probably has something to do. Besides, I’m kind of starting to feel bad about dragging them with me whenever I see Celestia and Luna.”

“Well don’t; if they had a problem with it and were really your friends, they’d say something.”

“…I guess you’re right. Well, I’ll see you later,” I said after giving her a pat on the neck.

“How is Dew Star by the way?” she asked, keeping me from leaving.

“Fine. She’s been making steady progress and doesn’t freak out nearly as much when talking to ponies now. But… she had been a little weird recently. I asked her but she wouldn’t tell me anything for some reason.”

“How long has she been acting weird?”

“Hmm… I think since I told Celestia and Luna I was open to the relationship thing. So, a week or two.”

“Hmm… Well let her and Beth know I said hi.”

“Of course. See you.”

Dear Princess Cadence,

I don’t want to say it, but he may be a lost cause. I really doubt he’ll remember anything after writing this, and I hope you made a point of focusing on pony body language and stuff. I’m sure you know why, but there might be hope for him if he noticed something was up with Dew Star. Anyway, I appreciate the help.

Sincerely,

Crystal Beth