(A crossover with the Chess Game of the Gods universe)

Listen, ese, I've never heard of this Equestria place.

I've never heard of no Mine Little Ponies, either. I'm just an insurance salesman in his mid-life crisis, for the love of God! So when a bespectacled young man approaches me on my way home after a long day at work, asking if I want to go to a land of talking ponies, what do you think I'm going to say to him, huh?

And yet, here I am, stuck in this technicolour hellhole that's about to go down the same way my breakfast did this morning. I don't even have the dignity of being flesh and blood. I'm a chupacabra made of gold. I just want to go home and see my wife.

But hey, at least I'm amongst friends. If you can call a walking block of ice and a robot dog that hates your guts friends.