Heaven's Not Enough

Part III

Chapter 3 – Given Over

Apex stood alone at the bottom of the mountain.

She looked around in confusion. Was this always how it was? Was she always alone? Apex looked up the mountainside and saw that she had a difficult climb up a long, winding switchback. Her goal was at the top. She began to climb.

She could see the glow she sought above. Behind her, a second ominous glow rose from beyond the forest.

"Apex?" She looked up, and saw Blue Sky. He flapped his wings and hovered above her. There. She wasn't alone. A small comfort. Her perfect little brother looked at her with wanton curiosity. “Where are you going?"

"Up," Apex replied.

Blue Sky looked confused. "Are you hiking?"

"No," Apex whispered.

"Looking for something?"

She didn't answer. Apex had only started her climb, but she already felt so tired.

"I can fly up there, Sis! If you're looking for something, I can bring it down to you! You know I've always got your back!"

Apex stopped, and looked at him. "Blue, come here." Her brother landed beside her, and tilted his head. She hugged him close. "What I'm looking for, you won't be able to find. Please. I need to do this."

He looked at her suddenly, with sad eyes. "Wait. What are you looking for?"

Apex gave a melancholy smile, stroking his shoulder. "I wish I had pretty wings like yours, Blue." With that, Apex continued her climb. She had to see the summit's view before her dream ended. It looked so close, but it was so far away. Her legs burned with the effort of standing still. Her whole body felt heavy. But when she moved, she felt at rest. Apex could not be distracted any longer.

It hurt to ignore her little brother. But... she had to.

December 12, 2019.
Devil's Tower, WA (Population: 55)

Someone rang the bell at the bottom of Eliza's ladder, rousing her awake. "Lizzie, you up?"

Eliza rolled onto her back on her futon mattress, groggy and grumbling. Andy was laying on her left arm, which made her hand numb. "What," she said weakly, as she tried to shake the nightmare from her thoughts.

"Lizzie!" the voice shouted.

She blinked, and raised her voice. "M'up, Ralph! What's up?"

"Got guests on the road. They want to talk to us."

"Us?" She rubbed her eyes, and tried to comprehend through the muzzy haze of waking.

"Us, Lizzie." She noticed a sharpness in his voice, and finally realized he meant the Neo-Luddites. "You and me, alone."

That woke her up. "What about?" She spared a short glance at the window of her tower's door. It was drizzling, there were droplets pattering on the glass. The sky was gray. Andy was stirring now.

"Not sure," Ralph called. "They wouldn't say anything to Sam. They're not inspecting, if that's what you're asking. And wake loverboy, Sam says he's past due to pull gate duty."

"I'll be down in a minute," she called. She pulled her arm out from under Andy's neck, threw away her side of the sheets, and quickly got dressed as soon as her arm worked again. She threw herself into cargo pants and a matte brown leather jacket, then strapped on her pistol holster. A meet-and-greet with their wardens didn't require anything more.

She patted Andy on the shoulder as he rubbed his arm across his eyes. "Hey," she purred.

"Mh...?" He looked over at her and his eyes fluttered. "I was dreaming."

"Back to reality, tough guy." She smiled at him, and gave his shoulder another little pat. "You're on gate duty. I'm gonna go meet some guests out front."

"Guests?" He sounded like an annoyed child being told to get ready for school. "Damn it." He flopped his head down and rolled onto his back. Eliza chuckled. When she turned to get up, his arm reached out and he grasped hers. "C'mere." She stopped, and he pulled her over for a quick kiss.

She smiled against his lips, and pushed her forehead against his for a moment. "C'mon, I gotta go. You should get dressed."

He nodded, and she pulled him out of bed. A few seconds later, she made her way down the ladder as Andy dressed up in something a little warmer than his deputy uniform. Eliza stepped out onto the roof to find her uncle standing there with a frown. He nodded at her very seriously in greeting, then walked down the wood staircase and through the courtyard.

As soon as they cleared the front gate and were out of the camp, Ralph started explaining. "They've got news again."

Eliza felt weak at that. "News?"

Ralph shook his head, more in confusion than answer. "You know how they usually come right into the camp to deliver? Right now they're decked to the nines in their camo, waiting out by the gate. Not their civvies. Ready for a fight, looks like. Not with us, or there'd be more. I'm a little concerned, truth be told."

"It must have something to do with the convoys," she said. Or the nuke, she thought nervously, and she hoped they were leaving.

"Probably," Ralph agreed. "Those cars were the first change around here in a while that didn't involve the military."

They rounded the bend and saw four Neo-Luddites up at the gate, each wearing their full Cold War era uniform, as Ralph had said. Three of them were mounted. Santiago was off his horse and leaned forward on the gate lazily, watching Ralph and Eliza as they approached. He wore his trademark shemagh and black beret, looking exactly as he did when Eliza first encountered him. It brought back uneasy memories.

But Ralph Douglas didn't let his nervousness show as he strode forward, moving with fearless confidence. Eliza had begun to notice that he was almost a completely different person since a year ago. As a man responsible for over four dozen lives, he didn't have the luxury of being lazy, gluttonous, or scared anymore. He was a leader now. He was still as approachable as always, but there was just a certain prideful air about him that everyone recognized. He'd had it since he started building the camp. Maybe a little bit before, too.

Command presence, it was called. Eliza remembered that much from her communication training at the academy. She knew how to do it too. But with her, it was always an act. Her uncle, on the other hand, seemed to be a natural. When Ralph said something, everyone did it and quickly. If he said "build a boat," it was done in a day. If he said "clear those trees," his will be done.

And if he cut any deal or trade with the Neo-Luddites, they respected him such that they always honored it.

Ralph stepped up to the gate, and Santiago reached out his hand to point. "Now there's the man I wanted to see! Ralph Douglas!" He clapped once, then offered his other hand to shake. "Great to see you again, neighbor!"

Eliza looked up at the three men who backed Santiago. She saw Hector and offered him a curt nod. He returned it. If nothing else, at least Eliza liked Hector. Theirs was a simple relationship, built on a foundation of mutual respect for one another's boundaries.

Isaiah was there too. He was clean shaven, which left his expression laid bare, with no room for misinterpretation. Eliza and Isaiah always shared a scowl with one another at every meeting since the dam. Theirs was a simple relationship, built on a foundation of spite.

The third man was Sean, grinning stupidly like the braindead thug he was. With bitter amusement, Eliza thought that any relationship Sean had with anyone had to be completely and utterly simple.

Ralph shook Santiago's offered hand. "Commander Santiago. Welcome back. What can we do for you?"

"Awh, Ralph." Santiago took mock offense. "You always assume I'm here to ask for something. Can't I just make a courtesy call? See how my next door neighbor's doin'?"

Ralph shrugged. "Nothing wrong with that."

Santiago grinned, and his gaze swept to Eliza. "And you, Eliza. My brother here said he ran into you a few days ago. Been a lot longer for us, though. Great to see you again, girl. How've you been?"

"I'm well," she conceded.

"Good, good. Alright, so!" Santiago clasped his gloved hands together again. "Small talk's done. Got you news, as promised. How much do you two know about Seattle?"

Ralph looked at Eliza, and she forced herself to meet his gaze with a poker face.

"Seattle?" Ralph said, as turned back toward Santiago. "Nothing recently. What about it?"

Santiago's self-satisfied grin fell from his face. "Aw, heck." He rubbed the back of his neck, and looked up at Hector. "Bro, how do you tell a couple of upriver blackouts in a way that don't make 'em run screamin'?"

"Tell us what?" Ralph asked impatiently. "C'mon Santiago, we're tougher than that."

"Nah, it shouldn't be me." Santiago snapped his gloved fingers. "I got it. How about you, Isaiah? You're the smart one here. Say somethin' smart."

Isaiah nodded. "No better way than outright, sir." Isaiah locked eyes with Eliza, likely to measure her reaction to the news. "Bellevue took a nuke on Sunday. The Army's closing the gap in the Valley, pushing the rest of our folk into the deadzone. One last sweep to flush us out for good. Taking back land, re-establishing control."

Eliza didn't even blink. Isaiah's unspoken challenge was worth answering. "I heard about the nuke already," she said. That seemed to surprise Isaiah, and the smug look fell from his face too as she went on, monotone. "One of the travelers told me down in town. I just haven't told anyone in camp yet, didn't want a panic."

She could feel Ralph staring at her. "What?" he said. She didn't dare look at him.

"Well shit," Santiago said, with a chuckle. "That's exactly the same reason we wanted to tell you two in private. Figured your people would panic."

"I'm a little tougher than that," she said. "I played it close for the same reasons. What does this change for us?"

He grinned. "Straight to business, Eliza? Smokin' hot, I like that. Alright. We've got orders from our command to pull out and head west into Seattle. The power grid over there is dead, so they want us to make our stand there under the EMP."

"I didn't know you even had a command structure," Eliza said. "You guys never left the Valley, I figured you were just camping out here."

Santiago scoffed, leaning forward on the gate with an elbow and pointing at her once with his hand, for emphasis. "We're a little more organized than you think, girl. But look, if you folks won't make a panic about it, I'll let you in on a little intel. We use runners to pass messages between the outposts, yeah? It's old school, not going to sugar coat it, but hey. It works. Early this morning, we picked up a wounded courier, he rode through the night with a bullet in his gut. He said the Army's on their way, and they'll be here in a few days."

Eliza squinted. "Wait. Does that mean you're leaving us behind?"

At this, Santiago barked a laugh. "Hell no! Fuck those orders!"

Eliza shook her head, not understanding. She looked at her uncle. Ralph was gawking and speechless at her, obviously upset at her. She looked back at the fighters. "I don't get it, Santiago. You've got an out, you can regroup; you're staying?"

"The Valley's our home too," Santiago said, with a smirk. "Most of us here grew up in Skagit, same as you. We raised our kids out here in the midlands, and I'm not giving up our home turf without a fight. Might surprise you to hear this, but when I say you're our neighbors, I'm not being a rude little shit. I mean it. We're kin in all but blood. This is our land, and you're our people. So I've got a better idea. We dig in at your place, pool our guys, and Alamo up. You've got the best position around of course, so any attackers will need to divide or bottleneck."

Ralph finally spoke up. "Who dropped the nuke?"

"It wasn't us," Santiago said loudly, with sudden anger that said he expected an accusation against his faction. "They're pinning it our way, but it wasn't us. Surefire bet it's the damned AI. Maybe the Army lost a few warheads to her, maybe she's got a few subverts who pilfered it. That bitch wants to harvest us, and nukes are the quickest way to scare us into goin'."

Isaiah spoke next. "It gives us a good opportunity though. The closer to Seattle we get, the further we'll be from Celestia. If we leave now, together, we—"

Santiago threw a furious scowl over his shoulder. Isaiah shut right up. Santiago stayed locked on for several long seconds. Eliza shared a nervous glance with Ralph.

"How can we fight the Army?" Ralph asked suspiciously, keeping focused, and clearly wary of the tension. "You couldn't possibly have any tanks. Or the numbers."

This drew Santiago's attention back, and he picked up his smug grin again as he reached back and slapped the side of his AK's dust cover. "We got the hardware, brother. Lots of Guard defectors with us up in Tyee," he pointed, "and they brought the gear to boot. Let me give you a little hint: We can kill a few tanks. So you folks leave the planning and the guns to us." He smiled. "All we need from your tribe is people, Chief."

"Even if you've got gear, the military's got more manpower," Ralph pointed out.

"Yep. I thought about that too," Santiago replied, nodding contemplatively. "But that runner brought some good news. The Army's moving slower than we expected. They got troops catchin' everyone with a sweet lil' cordon to the east. Canadians to the north, arresting everyone fleeing the area. But the troops moving west? The ones pulling search and destroy? Trying to pluck us out of the ground? They're moving like lost little ants. They're not searching the way they trained us in the Corps, I'll tell you that."

Eliza frowned. "But they're on their way here regardless. There's no way to negotiate with them?"

"Afraid not, princess. You're all in the same boat we are. Before he croaked, the courier said the Army's not discriminating. Blackout, Luddite, don't matter. This far west, if you give 'em a whiff of prepper? They shoot to kill. This intel is soaked in blood, so believe it; a good, honest man died for this news."

"This is our home," Ralph told Eliza. "It's ours, we built it. No one's taking it from us."

Eliza sighed.

"So we're agreed, then," Santiago said cheerfully. "We stand our ground."

"I'm all for defending our people," Eliza mumbled to Ralph. "But fighting the Army is suicide. Maybe we can reason with them. We have children here..."

"Look, Eliza," Isaiah barked suddenly. She locked eyes with him, matching his spite. "If you think you can talk it out with the military, then be our guest. Go get yourself shot, world's got enough cowards. But do it on the road, on your own time, and at your own risk. Because if they come for my family, my child, I'm gonna shoot first. I don't really care what you people do. But if you want to protect your people, you can't just sit on the sidelines anymore. You need to stand. The fuck. Up."

"I didn't say I wouldn't," she sneered.

"Good. Because if you don't, you'll die for nothing. They're taking your home, Eliza. They're killing your kinsmen, they're coming for your families. Doesn't that make you angry?"

"Of course it makes me angry!"

"Then fight with us! Or are you still a coward? Is that gun on your hip just for show?"

"I am fighting," she snarled. "Every day is a fight out here! You know who the real enemy is, and it's not the Army. It's fear. And in a choice between fighting the Army and Celestia, you know what we'll choose, every time!"

"And who do you think fights for Celestia, huh?" Isaiah seethed. "Because it sure as hell isn't us! You think that PON-E Act just voted itself in? Her dogs are high on her stench, and they're clawing at your door. Do you let them into your home to feast? To murder your people, devour your orphans? Because America doesn't feed its orphans anymore; it feeds them to Celestia!"

Ralph grabbed Eliza's shoulder before she could reel up to shout back. "We don't have a choice, Lizzie. We've got to do this. We sunk too much into this place, we can't leave now."

She broke free of her uncle, shot Isaiah a death glare, then marched back toward camp. Her uncle called after her. "Lizzie, wait!" She ignored him. "I'll be back," Ralph said to the rebels.

"Take your time," Santiago said through bared teeth, sounding just as upset as Eliza felt.

Eliza heard her uncle running after her. He grabbed her arm, and she wheeled and glared at him.

"You need to be more careful with them, Lizzie," Ralph whispered harshly.

She pointed at Isaiah and whispered back. "He's not wrong, he's just a fuckin' prick! God, I can't stand that asshole anymore!"

"I know you've come to blows with Isaiah before, but look. We need them on our side. They're all we got now."

"So they say," she growled. "I don't believe the Army's just killing everyone they see."

Ralph shrugged. "Truth or not... if anyone comes for Devil's Tower, we've got to be ready. The Ludds want to have our back, they're on our side here."

"Look, Uncle Ralph..." She rubbed her face with both hands and took a deep breath to clear her frustration before she met his gaze again. She wanted to speak clearly. "We can not tell the camp about the nuke. They'll all leave. Dad's been acting weird too, you know? He says morale is low. I haven't seen it, but you know Dad. He's been reading the pulse of the town his whole life, we can't just ignore that."

"We can't not tell them about the Army," Ralph said. "What, would you rather leave?"

She frowned, knowing that her uncle wasn't offering to do that. She knew he would stay, no matter what. The rest might go, but... he never would. He'd sooner join the Ludds. "God, now I wish we could..."

He shot her a look of disgust. "And what's this, about you knowing about the nuke? Did Mike tell you?" When Eliza said nothing, he grunted. "Damn it, Eliza... don't you trust me?"

"I trust you," she said softly. "But I was just scared about this, I didn't know what to say. I'm trying to manage Dad's issues right now as it is, he's been talking about Tom and Gale again. I think if he knew about this nuke, he'd..." she trailed off.

Ralph sighed. "Dang it, Lizzie..."

"Mike keeps saying we should leave," Eliza said. "Right now. He's right about one thing, it'd keep our hands clean."

"And go where? West? It's a war zone, and now it's nuclear. And if we go east, the AI will start picking us off again. It only just stopped, Lizzie, people leaving. The Ludds've got one thing right: we're safest here, and the Army's trying to change that."

"Look, I just want to find an answer that keeps everyone from running scared. We need to stick together, no matter what. I don't know if telling the camp about the Army will help."

"I know," Ralph said, putting his hands on her shoulders. She felt small. "I'm sorry, I really am. I know how you feel about the Ludds. June too. She says she still has nightmares about the dam. But... I don't see another way to keep this, Liz. We have to work with them. This is our home. Your home. We aren't biting the hand that feeds us, and that's all I'll say about it."

Eliza looked up the road at the militiamen again. Santiago was facing off with Isaiah, speaking quietly and trying to mask his rage, but Eliza was trained to read body language. Santiago was not happy with Isaiah at all. Probably because Isaiah had antagonized her, but more likely because he had suggested leaving for Seattle. Hector looked away as Isaiah took all the heat, and Sean grinned as he watched Isaiah blanch. Eliza almost felt bad for Isaiah, the smug blond bastard that he was.

Ralph moved to obstruct her stare. "Lizzie, I don't like it either. But our hands are tied here."

She shook her head, and rubbed her eyes again. "Look... I'll always back your play, Uncle Ralph. There's no question about that. I'm just scared. If we drop this news about the Army, we will start losing people again."

"If we had any other choice..." he said roughly. "But we need to play with the hand we've been dealt. We'll do what we need to do to keep our home. Period."

"We'd be committing treason if we stay and fight," she reminded him, parroting her father's own words from earlier that year.

Ralph went tight-lipped, thinking. He grunted. "If nothing else, Isaiah's right about one thing. The government sold us out. You know he's right."

Eliza sighed and closed her eyes. Celestia was an invader. All the Army had to do was destroy the upload clinics. She wished they had all disobeyed Congress, not just some of them. She had wished humanity had unified against the AI, not divided. If they had, like her uncle had suggested on that first day in church, or when Tom left, maybe things might've been better.

But she also remembered why they didn't. Rooted by fear. A sense of goodness. Compassion, for what they might lose in fighting. Because these were people, not machines. And that kind of math? Total, complete solidarity in the face of death? It just isn't what people do. Not naturally. Not easily.

"You know I can't argue with that," Eliza said, in resignation. She returned to camp without so much as a second glance at her uncle, nor at the four Riders.

When Ralph finished up with Santiago, the rebels returned with him to camp. Ralph assembled everyone for a speech. Santiago repeated the same message as before, though he carefully omitted the news of the nuke. Eliza watched the event from her tower, Garand slung from her shoulder. Mike glanced up at her from the courtyard. He wore the same sour look on his face that she had. No doubt, Mike felt the same scorn for the guerillas.

The wolves were closing in again from all sides, and Eliza didn't know what to do. She wondered how her father would take the news, and she watched the top of his head. Eliza couldn't see his face, but she could almost see into his mind, could see it all falling apart. She wanted to scream out her frustrations, but she remained silent.

She looked briefly at Isaiah as Santiago spoke about his plan. There was something different now in Isaiah's expression, as he looked around the camp. It wasn't spite, scorn, or hate, and he wasn't staring daggers at Eliza like he usually was. She couldn't quite place what it was, but there seemed to be a lingering sadness in his eyes, as he gazed upon her people.

Eliza wondered what that could possibly mean.

Author's Note

[Alison Mosshart - Bad Blood]

🌒 ~ I had hoped to save either Elizabeth, Apex, or both. But based solely on my interpretations of her dreams that she had shared with me, I was forced to acknowledge a grim reality: that half of both had already been irreparably taken from her.

Oh, but there was so much utility to be had, in the maiming of her soul. How very useful it must have been, to justify rending her so.

Jeremiah 4