My Little Proletariat

The first time Twilight woke, it was to the sound of Spike clattering around downstairs. When he wasn't drunk or hungover, he tended to get up before she did. She rolled over and went back to sleep.

The second time she awoke, it was to the sound of voices. Maybe Spike's opened up early, she thought. The sun was starting to shine into her bedroom, and she decided that was as good a sign as any to get up.

It took her five minutes to wash and brush her mane into something resembling tidiness. She was still half-asleep as she made her way down the stairs. Rationally, she trusted Spike with her books. Emotionally, she needed to make sure herself that whoever was visiting wasn't secretly desecrating her children.

Spike was sitting in the main room of the library, talking to Cheerliee. The teacher looked up when Twilight entered and bounced to her feet nervously.

"Good morning, ma-er, Miss Sparkle!" she said. Twilight groaned inwardly. When she eventually conquered the world, she thought to herself, there were three types of ponies she'd be sending to the moon: sociopaths, ponies who doodled in the margins of books, and morning people.

"Good morning, Cheerliee," she replied.

"Cheerliee was just telling me about what you were saying yesterday," said Spike.

"I've thought it over," Cheerliee added, "and I think that it's a very good idea!"

Twilight nodded, stifling a yawn. "Of course." She stumbled over to her desk and slumped in her chair. They both looked at her expectantly. "OK, look," she continued, "usually I'd try to work out what you were talking about, but I've only just got up. What did I say yesterday?"

"Why, about the children learning Equestrian, of course!" said Cheerliee.

"Oh," Twilight said, "yeah. I said that, didn't I?"

"Obviously not everypony in our classes is quite ready for an extension, but some of them would pick it up in no time, I'm sure!"

Twilight cleared the sleep out of her eyes, watching Cheerliee's grin intently. If it got any bigger, she'd swear the top of the teacher's head would fall off.

Silence. Cheerilee continued to look at Twilight expectantly.

"So," Twilight said finally. "How can I help?"

"I was wondering when we could start," Cheerilee replied.

Twilight blinked. Then she realised. "You already have the students picked out, don't you?" she asked.

Cheerliee nodded.

"...you already have a time picked out, don't you?"

Cheerliee nodded.

"...it's this morning, isn't it?"

At least they got some warning, Twilight thought. She'd considered saying no, but the little pony in the back of her head kept on whispering to her, what would a real friend do?

One of these days she was going to give that pony a nice big hug. Around the neck.

"Now, fillies," Cheerilee said, "this is Twilight Sparkle, and she's in charge of the library! What do we say?"

She'd brought three of her students along with her. Two of them were looking at the walls, at the books, anywhere but at Twilight. The third was Scootaloo, who was busy grinning at her. Between her and Cherliee, Twilight had already nearly filled her teeth exposure quota for the day, and it was barely ten o'clock.

"Thank-you Miss Spar-kle," they all chanted.

Twilight assayed a cautious grin. Enthusiasm, she thought, happiness. If Cheerilee can be this bright and early, so can I. "Right then," she said, "Spike will show you were all our reference books are. Remember, if you can't reach it, you can get him to get it for you. And no eating in the study room. Spike, care to lead the way?"

Spike climbed off his chair and led the trio into the study room. He didn't look entirely pleased by his new responsibility - he hadn't as much volunteered for this job as been cajoled into it. Twilight kept the grin on her face as the four of them trooped past.

The door closed. Twilight drooped. Happy was tiring.

Cheerliee was still grinning, but it was the grin of a shared burden. "Coffee?" the teacher asked.

"Coffee," Twilight confirmed.

Maybe this morning wasn't going to be quite so bad after all.

By lunchtime, they had gone through three books on basic grammar and several slightly more advanced texts on the use of Equestrian in everyday society. Cheerilee had even laughed at Twilight's joke about the pluperfect tense, and she couldn't remember the last person who'd done that. In fact, when the study door opened and three exhausted-looking fillies traipsed out, Twilight had to wonder where the time had gone.

Spike followed the three of them out, looking just as tired. "Learning's done," he said to Twilight. "Can I go to sleep now?"

Twilight gave him a tolerant look, but otherwise ignored him. "How did you research go?" she asked the fillies.

There was a chorus of noncommital sounds. Even Scootaloo looked tired out.

Cheerilee scrambled to her feet. "I think this is my cue to take them out of your hooves," she said. "Come on, girls! You'll want to get that report done for Monday! It's been wonderful, having access to all these books. Hasn't it, children?"

"Yes, Miss Cheerilee."

"Now, what do you say to Miss Sparkle for hosting us?"

"Thank-you Miss Spar-kle."

"Now, we'd best be getting you home."

Twilight saw the teacher and her students out to the door. Cheerile shephereded her charges in front of her, and turned back to Twilight once they were all outside.

"I wasn't just saying that to be polite," Cheerilee said. "It really was good to get some practice reading Equestrian. And, well," she gestured with a hoof, "Ponyville's not exactly endowed with academics. Every little bit helps. Thank you."

"It was no problem at all," Twilight replied. "In fact, if you want to bring your students back at some point, I'd be more than happy to help you again." She glanced upstairs. "I'm not so sure about Spike, but I can talk to him."

Cheerilee grinned. Twilight thought she was getting the hang of telling her teaching-grins from her actual grins, and she was pretty sure this was one of the latter. "I'd like that," she said. "Anyway, duty calls. I'll see you later, Miss Sparkle!"

The walk back to the school wasn't particularly hard, but then again, Scootaloo's legs weren't particularly long. Cheerilee had said they'd make their way too and from the Library like orderly ponies, which meant walking.

Sweetie Belle had their assignment. She tended to be the one to write things down, since Scootaloo's handwriting resembled chicken-scratch and Apple Bloom's was only legible to herself, doctors, and possibly forensic scientists.

Their assignment had been simple: names can give clues to cutie marks, so if they researched their names, they might find a clue as to their calling in life.

That was the plan, anyway. The results had been less than optimal.

"Ah can't believe mah family named me after a disease," Apple Bloom muttered to herself.

"I can't believe my family named me 'Pretty Girl'," Sweetie Belle complained.

"I can't believe I couldn't find anything about 'Scootaloo'," Scootaloo grumbled. "Looks like my parents just asked a Scrabble set. At least you guys got named after something."

"Ah got named after a disease!"

"Yeah, well, some ponies get all the luck."

Twilight watched the four of them head off back to school. She was already composing her next letter to the princess in her head. Today I made a friend, of my own accord, out of the goodness of my heart. And she's stopped calling me "ma'am".

Her rain barrel rattled. "I know what you're doing," it squeaked.

"I'm saying goodbye to my new friend." she replied. "And now I'm conversing with a rain barrel, and I didn't even need to switch mental gears. So either I'm getting used to recurrant madness, or I haven't been getting enough sleep lately."

The lid on the barrel lifted slowly, and a frizz of pink mane peaked out. Beneath it, a pink snout poked out over the lip of the barrel. Between them, a pair of eyes regarded Twilight intently.

It was Pinkie Pie, Ponyville's resident baker and three years running Donut Scoffing Champion of the Greater Canterlot Area. It told you a lot about earth ponies, Twilight thought, that they even started up a Donut Scoffing Championship.

As you call them these days. This whole conscience thing was starting to get on her nerves.

"Oh," Twilight said, "it's you, Pinkie. I guess 'sentient rain barrel' stays on my wishlist then."

"Good morning, Twilight!" Pinkie said.

"It's lunchtime."

"Good afternoon, Twilight!" Pinkie said.

"How're you doing today, Pinkie Pie?" Twilight asked. "How's my rain barrel? Roomy?"

"It's wet," said Pinkie, looking down at her hooves morosely. "I didn't really think this plan through too much."

"Did you decide that before or after you climbed in there? Actually, how long have you been hiding in there?"

Pinkie paused in thought. Then she remembered something. Her eyes narrowed. "I know what you're doing," she repeated.

"So you said. Look, are you going to get out of my rain barrel at any point? I'm sure it's comfortable, but I tend to use it for, you know, collecting rain. And I'm sure it's drier here. You know. Out of the rain barrel."

"Oh, don't worry," Pinkie said. "I'm onto your cunning plan to get me out of your rain barrel. It won't work!"

Twilight examined Pinkie. Even dampened by the condensation on the sides and lid of the barrel, her mane was a ball of frizz. If anything, the moisture had made it stick out more irregularly than normal. She was giving Twilight a viscious glare. It should have been disconcerting. Instead, it ended up being comical.

"So, did you want to talk to me about something," Twilight asked, "or are you just doing a spot of recreational spying?"

"Hmmm," said Pinkie Pie. "Oh! Yes!" She grinned. "I'm having a party at Sugarcube Corner tonight! Applejack is bringing her special cider and everypony who's anypony will be there! We're going to get druuuu-uuuunk!"

Twilight blinked. "Uh, that's...nice?"

"You're invited!" Pinkie grinned. Teeth... thought Twilight with a shudder, why is it everyone I meet today has so many teeth.

"...if I say 'yes', will you get out of my rain barrel?"

Pinkie jumped out of the rain barrel, bringing half the water with her onto the side of the library, the gravel path, and also Twilight. She grabbed Twilight's hoof and shook it vigorously. "Oh, I knew you'd come! This is going to be amazing! I'll see you tonight!"

"I haven't said 'yes' yet-"

"Oh, also! Rainbow Dash said you had some tickets! Some tickets to an extra-special event! An event that rhymes with 'Gala'!"

Twilight lowered her face into her forehooves. When was the world going to get less complicated? "Pinkie, 'Gala' doesn't rhyme with 'Gala'. They're the same word."

"So you admit you have tickets!"

"Yes, and before you ask, I can't take you to the Gala right yet. I need to do some study first."

"Study? Study sounds boring."

"Well, yes, but I've only got the one ticket to give away, and I think Celestia is testing me-"

At the Princess' name, Pinkie's face screwed up. "Ooooh," she said, "she's testing you? Testing your friendship? That's nasty."

"Well, she did give me this assignment to study friendship, so she's allowed to set tests. That's why she's my teacher."

"Twilight," said Pinkie Pie, deadly serious now. "No one should have to choose between their friends."

Twilight gave the earth pony a level look. "You know, Pinkie, I still can't tell when you're being serious and when you're joking."

And now the earth pony was grinning again. "That's the plan! Anyway, I've got to go tell everypony else about the party. See you tonight!"

"...see you later, Pinkie."

Pinkie Pie bounced down the path. At the edge of the road, she turned back to Twilight and waved, grinning. "If you don't come, I'll find you!" she said.

And then she was gone.

Was that a threat? Twilight thought, as she wandered inside.

Closing the door behind her, she surveyed the room. It was still a mess from the fillies this morning. Spike had brought some of the reference books out to the main room, and then there was the small fort of literature that she and Cheerilee had been constructing.

Walking over to her desk, she shifted those books onto the floor. She hated mess, but she needed to study this ticket problem first. Her horn glowed, and several books on calculus floating over from a nearby shelf. Unrolling a piece of clean paper, she started sketching. The morning has refreshed her, and she was ready to take on the problem of solving friendship once and for all.

Six hours later, Twilight had a series of seven differential equations and two circular dependencies. But that was OK, because it would all resolve itself once she found the exact curvature of Equestria.

She sighed, and stared at the sheet of paper in front of her. Alternatively, she could bundle the whole thing up in a matrix and try to diagonalise...no. No, that wouldn't work either.

Twilight shook her head. It was no good. If she wanted to distribute the remaning ticket properly, she was going to have to either make a minimum of three potentially erroneous assumptions, or invent a new field of sociology.

There was a knock at the door. "Thank Celestia!" she said, as she slid off her chair and went to answer it.

It was Applejack, accompanying a small cart with a keg on the back. "Evenin', Twi," she said. "Pinkie said you might have a wee bit of trouble getting out of your house, so I decided I'd stop buy and offer you some encouragement."

"Oh," Twilight said, "right, her party. I did say I'd come, well, I think I said I might come...or maybe she just-"

Applejack grinned. "Sometimes it's a mite hard t' say no to Pinkie, ain't it? Come on, I'm just about t' help her get set up."

Twilight looked back at her work - but she'd done a good deal of study on it already today. And she needed a break. And if she was really lucky, everyone would be enjoying themselves too much to ask favours of her.

"Let me get some things," she said to Applejack.

Sugarcube Corner was a five-minute walk away, if you galloped like hell. Which made it a pleasant evening stroll for Twilight and Applejack. Twilight had offered to pull the cart, but AJ was having none of it.

"So how's the study of friendship gettin' on?" the earth pony asked. Twilight watched her out of the corner of her eye - that cart had to weigh in at about a hundred pounds, and yet Applejack was pulling it like it weighed nothing. Is it just because she's used to it, she thought to herself, or are the earth ponies just suited to manual labour?

"Oh, you know," she said flippantly. "Still haven't solved it yet."

"Y'seemed a tiny bit stressed over it yesterday."

"Well, you know how it is. Everypony's been acting weird, and then Celestria had to go and give me an assignment on top of that. Sometimes things just pile up on you."

"Actin' weird? Everypony?"

"Well, there was the business with Rarity, and then I found Fluttershy spying on me-"

"Fluttershy? Spying?"

"Exactly. And then Rainbow Dash was being all...well, evasive, and Pinkie Pie is Pinkie PIe, and so far it seems you and Cheerilee are the only people I know in this town who're acting in any way normal."

"What about Spike?"

"Oh yeah, and Spike. Spike's being sullen and uncooperative, but I think that's just because he got up early this morning. I don't know," she said, "I feel like now I've got here and made all these new friends I'm finding out that they're just regular ponies!"

"Sugarcube, we are just regular ponies."

"Well, yes, but." Twilight sighed. "I don't know, when Celestia suggested I stay here and study friendship it sounded like it would be fun and happy and, well, a break from studying magic in Canterlot. Not that there's anything wrong with-"

"Twi, what I think you have is what Granny Smith used to call, 'a compulsion to over-think things'. Sometimes, things is just things."

Twilight stopped in middle of the road, looking at the ground in front of her. She sighed. "You know," she said, "you're probably right."

"Just go to this party, have a bit to drink, be silly with yer friends, and then in the morning you can keep goin' on all this study stuff."

"But I still wanted to talk to you about the farm and how-"

Applejack put a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "Tomorrow. Okay?"

"...sure. Tomorrow."

They got there just as the party was kicking off. Applejack was instantly mobbed, and had no end of helpers to unload the keg and bring it inside.

Twilight spent a minute or two just taking in the scene. Streamers and bunting were hung across the rafters of Sugarcube Corner, and the place was full enough that ponies were spilling out onto the road. Pinkie Pie could occasionally be seen to-ing and fro-ing amongst the guests, handing out hors d'oeuvres and making sure everyone was catered for. When she saw Twilight, she waved and bounced in the unicorn's direction.

"Twilight!" she exclaimed, "you made it!"

"You sent Applejack after me."

"Well, I had to be sure you made it! Would you like an olive with a thing in it? I call them Olives with Things in Them!"

"I, uh, I think I'll pass. How many ponies are here? Are you allowed to do this?"

"Of course! The Cakes don't mind as long as I clean up after, and the Mayor doesn't mind."

"Really?"

"Sure! Why d'you think Applejack only supplies us with one keg of cider?" The earth pony craned her neck over the crowd. "Ooooh, more guests! See you later, Twilight! Party hard!"

Twilight wandered through the throng. Occasionally, she saw a pony she vaguely knew, who would wave at her or greet her, but she really didn't know where she was going. She was about to call the party a bust and sneak out while no one was looking, when there was the pounding of a hoof on wood, silencing the crowd.

Applejack had positioned the keg against the side of Sugarcube Corner, and propped it in place with wedges of wood. Now she'd clambered up on top of the keg, and was balancing there while addressing the crowd.

"How y'all doin', everypony?" she cried. The crowd shouted and cat-called in response. "Here's the rules," she continued. "We won't be serving nopony who can't walk straight, we won't be serving nopony twice until we've served everypony once, and if you break it, y' pay for it. Got that?"

General shouting from the crowd again. Twilight could see Rainbow Dash hover above the throng, the pegasus' voice drowned out in the general hubub.

"Then let's open 'er up!" Applejack cried. She jumped down from the keg, and ponies converged upon her. Twilight hung at the back,  not particularly willing to get caught up in the melee. Dash caught her eye and flitted over to hover beside her.

"Not much up for the scrum?" Dash said.

"They're very....enthusiastic," Twilight ventured.

"You ever been at the centre of a bunch of earth ponies, all eager to get their share of AJ's cider? I'm not keen on risking my wings, even for alcohol."

"It's good?"

"It's good?" Rainbow Dash asked. "This it the first batch of the season. It's been sitting in the Apples' cellars for nine months. She gets Big Mac to stand outside on Friday nights just in case someone tries to liberate it before it's ready. This stuff is as close as you'll get to liquid gold."

"So...it's good?"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Well, you don't have to have any."

"Pinkie Pie said some went to the Mayor."

"Oh, yeah, she always gets a barrel of the first harvest. She'll be holding her own little party in the town hall. Very important ponies only and all that. 'coure," Dash elbowed Twilight, "we all know the real reason the Mayor does it is so Big Mac will come deliver it to her. Not that AJ lets that happen any more."

Twilight shook her head. "Wait...Big Mac and the Mayor?"

Rainbow dash laughed. "Aw, hell," she said, "it's not like that. Big Mac just does it because it brings in the bits, and the Mayor just gets to make conversation with him and stare at his flank all night. Not that I think that's a bad way to-"

"OK, that's plenty of information."

"Awwww," said the Pegasus, landing next to Twilight and patting her on the head condescendingly. "Who's a likkle sheltered pony? Anyway, I hear you spent the whole morning shacked up with Cheerilee in the library. Seems you've become quite the teacher's pet."

"You know what? That alcohol's sounding better every minute." Twilight made her way towards the keg.

"Don't forget to do your homework!" the pegasus yelled after her. "I hear she has creative ways of giving extra credit!"

The crowd was thinning as Twilight joined. Say what you wanted about Applejack, she was able to get a lot of ponies merry very efficiently. Soon Twilight was standing in front of the keg as the earth pony filled a somewhat battered earthenware cup for her.

"Enjoyin' everything?" she asked. "Forgotten about all your problems yet?"

"Most of them," Twilight replied. "Rainbow Dash isn't helping."

"That figures," said Applejack, carefully balancing the cup between her hooves as she placed it on a nearby bench. "What's that busy-body been gossiping about today?"

"Well, uh, about Big Mac and the Mayor, actually."

Applejack's hooves slipped, the drink dropping to the ground. Applejack's eyes narrowed. "That no-good little....sorry 'bout your drink, Twi. Let me get you another." She grabbed the next cup in line and started to fill it. "There's a reason I always send Caramel with the keg, it keeps that cradle-snatching mare's eyes off my brother. And..."

"And what?" Twilight leaned forward. Applejack was standing stock-still. The cup had filled and excess cider was dripping onto the ground.

  "Well, I'll be!" said Applejack angrily. "I wondered why Ditzy Doo was talking to Caramel this afternoon. I bet it's that good-for-nothing mayor making them switch places." She slammed the keg's tap closed with her hoof. "Twi, take over the drink. I need to keep my brother out of trouble. Reckon you can do that?"

  "Well, I-"

  "Good girl. Gotta dash!"

On the bright side, Twilight thought, this probably counts as work experience.

"Next!" she called, as a young earth pony walked away carefully balancing a mug of cider.

"Hello, darling!"

Twilight looked up. "Oh," she said. "Hello Rarity."

"I didn't know you were helping out with the festivities," Rarity said, as Twilight hovered another mug under the tap.

"Anything for a friend, right?"

"Well, I have to admit you're doing a cleaner job than Applejack does." She tossed her mane dismissively. "I guess there are some advantages to having a horn."

"Yeah, Rarity, about what you said to me before-"

"Not in front of everyone, Twilight." She motioned to the crowd around her, most of which were either ignoring her or impatiently waiting for her to stop holding up the drinks line. "How about after this is all after you come over to Carousel Boutique and we can discuss it like civilised ponies, hmmm?"

Twilight paused. Rarity wanted to discuss her own prejudice with Twilight? That wasn't how it was supposed to work.

"Anyway, better not hold everyone up," Rarity continued. A light-blue glow wrapped the mug as she drifted it over. "Have a nice night!" she said as she trotted off.

It took an hour to empty the barrel. Rainbow Dash got the last mug, which somehow didn't surprise Twilight.

The pegasus kicked the keg half-heartedly. "Man," she said. "It always runs out early." She took the mug in both hooves, and lifted it up to drink. It was then that Twilight realised: she hadn't actually got to try any of the drink she'd been vending all evening. She gave the keg a mournful look.

Rainbow Dash paused. "What's up?" she asked.

"I didn't actually have any of it..." Twilight said.

"You what? You were serving all night! You mean you didn't take a drink on the side every now and then? That's like, a right if you're serving."

"There were too many ponies in the line."

"Well, of course there were too many ponies in the line! Look, take this. I guess it's got me cooties now, but, you know, if you're fine with that..."

Twilight took the mug and raised it to her mouth. It smelled of...well....apples. "Thanks, Dash."

"Hey, no problem. Element of Loyalty, right? Gotta stick by your friends."

Twilight smiled, and took a sip. It wasn't bad at all - a pleasant blend of apples and spices, with a hint of-

And then it hit the back of Twilight's throat.

"Hah!" proclaimed Rainbow Dash, as Twilight tried to get her breath back. "Bottom of the barrel's always the best! Whaddaya think?"

"Well," said Twilight. "It's got character."

"C'mon! Let's head inside. Plenty of stuff with character in there!"

The problem, Twilight thought, when it came to drinking with Rainbow Dash, was that Rainbow Dash had an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of the various drinks, cocktails, punches and other liquid beverages at the party.

This isn't actually what Twilight thought. What Twilight thought was something more along these lines:

"Rainbow Dash, you know, you know, you're a good friend. A really good friend."

Dash was looking at Twilight with a concerned expression. So far she'd had three drinks, not including the cider, and one of those had been a glass of water.

"I wish I had more friends like you," continued Twilight, staring at her hooves. "I'm no good at making friends, Dash."

"Sure you are," said Dash. "You're...uh...very good at making friends! Look at how many friends you've made in Ponyville already!"

"But Dash, the only reason I met you guys is because Celestia forced me out here and told me to go meet you. I mean, and Pinkie Pie, but-"

"Did someone say my name?!"

Twilight whirled in her seat, lost her balance, and collapsed to the floor. Dash was less impressed. "Hey Pinkie," she said.

Pinkie extracted herself from under the table. "Hellooo Rainbow Dash!" she said. "Hello Twilight! The floor isn't that comfy, you know!"

Twilight glared at the pink pony before getting back to her feet. "I'm no good at making friends, Pinkie Pie," she said.

"Awww, don't be like that Twilight! Take a seat, and tell Uncle Pinkie Pie about it."

Rainbow Dash frowned. "Uncle?"

"Yeah! I always wanted to be an uncle."

"Sure."

Twilight regained her seat. "I'm no good at making friends!"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

"Dash," said Pinkie, "you know what her problem is?"

"Huh?"

"She doesn't have anything to drink! I think somepony needs to fix that!"

The pegasus sighed. "Yeah, fine," she said, trotting off to the nearest table.

"So," said Pinkie, turning back to Twilight, "why d'you think you can't make any friends, huh?"

"I can't!" Twilight wailed. "I've never been able to make friends. When I was in Canterlot I just used to spend all my time studying, and then Celestia basically forced me to come here to make some friends, and she even gave me a list of people to make friends with, and I've done that, but now everyone's acting strange and I don't know what anypony is doing, and I can't even make friends on my own and I keep on wondering if I only made friends with you guys so I wouldn't fail her assignment and Pinkie," she said, grasping the earth pony's hooves, "what if I'm the worst pony ever?"

"Don't be silly!" said Pinkie PIe. "You can't be the worst pony ever! And here's Rainbow with your drink!"

Dash nudged up to the table, sliding a tray from her back. There were three drinks on it, all pastel-coloured. Twilight grabbed the one closest to her, drinking half of it in one swallow.

"Hey! At least look like you're trying to enjoy it," said Dash. He turned to Pinkie. "Is she still worried about the whole friends thing?"

"You betcha!"

The pegasus sighed. "Look, Twi," she said. "You remember that bit where we defeated Nightmare Moon? You know, three days ago? We did that because we were friends. Celestia might have pushed us together, but we did that." She punched the unicorn lightly on her shoulder. "We did that, because we're friends, right? And you said yourself, you're the one who brought us all togther. What was it you said, friendship is magic, right? And you're, like, the best at magic!"

Twilight's head flopped to the table. She examined the pegasus morosely through her glass. "Magic is just lying to reality," she said, "and then sticking with that lie until reality is forced to accept that you're right. Friendship is like..." she waved a hoof, "talking to people, and caring about things, and remembering birthdays. I only remember my own birthday half the time."

"Awwww, don't be too hard on yourself Twilight!" said Pinkie PIe. She examined her drink - something light blue with bubbles - and downed it in one gulp. "Heehee, fizzy!"

"That's all you've got?" Twilight asked. "Don't be so hard on yourself?"

"You've been here three days! And you've made five friends already!"

"Six," sighed Twilight.

"Oh yeah," said Rainbow Dash. "Pinkie's told me about you and Cheerilee. Well, you made friends with her, didn't you?"

"I guess, but she knows Celestia anyway. Celestia's always involved!"

Twilight missed the look that passed between the other two ponies.

"She knows Celestia?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Or...or did some work for her, or something, I don't know!" Twilight finished her drink and slammed it on the table. "But Celestia's always involved! And now she wants me to solve friendship! And she's given me those stupid...stupid tickets! And she knows that I'll have to choose someone out of my friends to go with me!"

Twilight's voice had been gradually getting louder. Pinkie Pie looked at Rainbow Dash. "Hey," said the pegasus, "that thing was like, ten percent alcohol, max."

"Well," continued Twilight, speaking to the room in general, "you know what she can do with her tickets? She can have them back! You're right, Pinkie: no one should have to choose between their friends!" She stopped, struck by a thought. "I know what she can do!" The purple pony climbed onto her chair, and after a couple of attempts, onto the top of the table.

"Whoa!" said Rainbow Dash, steadying the table with her forehooves. "I think you've had enough." A small audience was gathering - everypony knew Twilight, but no one had seen her drunk before, and this was shaping up to be some quality entertainment.

"You know what?" said Twilight, addressing her new audience. "Celestia's had her way for too long! She's given me assignment after assignment, and now she wants me to ruin my friendship, just for grades! Well, I know what I can do for that!" She screwed up her face, and her horn was engulfed in purple light. Her chair lifted off the ground.

Twilight blinked, and the chair dropped to the floor again. Tilting her head to one side, she concentrated harder, and Pinkie Pie suddenly started to rise.

"Hey, Dashie!" she cried. "I'm fly-oof!"

Twilight squinted, and tried once again. This time, her saddlebags rustled, and the pair of gala tickets floated out. "Ha," said Twilight under her breath, "still got it." Turning back to the crowd (which had grown even in the last few minutes), she continued: "You know how I solve this problem! I solve it like this!"

She tensed, closed her eyes, and pushed her entire force of will into her magic.

Her horn glowed.

The tickets erupted in flame.

The crowd roared.

The sun was loud.

She knew it was silly. The sun gave you light. It didn't give you sound.

The sun was still loud. She groaned and rolled over, pulling the blankets over her head. Even that hurt.

There was a knock at her door.

"Go 'way," she mumbled.

She heard the door open. "It's me!" said Spike, far too cheerful. "I brought you breakfast."

Why did she have a headache? Yesterday she'd talked to Cheerilee, and she'd done some study, and then...

She remembered what she did last night.

She remembered the tickets.

She sat up, throwing off the blankets and clutching at her head. Spike was standing in the doorway, breakfast tray in one hand. "Spike," she asked, "there really was a party last night, wasn't there?"

"Yeah."

"And that means I did go to the party. And that means that Dash really did ply me with drinks. And that means that I really did...oh, I am in so much trouble."

She spotted her saddlebags, leaning against her bed where they'd been tossed the night before. She leaned down and rummaged through them.

No tickets.

"Oh....Spike, what's the worst word you know?"

The dragon looked embarassed. "For real?"

"Yes for real."

Spike told her.

Twilight said that. It made her feel a bit better.

There was a knocking from downstairs.

"I'll get that!" said Spike, running off. Twilight groaned. Her clock told her it was nearly noon. When did I get in last night? she tought to herself. And exactly how much did Dash get me to drink?

(It wasn't that Twilight hadn't got drunk before - she'd done it once, recorded the effects meticulously in her journal, and woken up the next morning and found that somepony had swapped her objective findings with a scrawled series of adventures of Mrs Buzzy, her pet stuffed bee, and a badly-drawn picture of Celestia riding a zebra. She'd filed them away and never tried it again.)

There was the sound of hooves on the stairs, and Applejack appeared at the door to her bedroom, out of breath. Spike was hovering behind her, obviously not so keen with his mentor being disturbed so soon after waking up.

"She just barged in," he said. "I couldn't-"

"Twilight," Applejack interrupted, "Twilight, ya gotta come quick!"

Something in the earth pony's voice suggested this wasn't time to fool around. Gritting her teeth against her hangover, Twilight followed Applejack down the stairs, out the door, then off at a canter towards Sweet Apple Acres.

It took them a good fifteen minutes, and by the time they arrived, Twilight was out of breath. As they entered Sweet Apple Acres, she couldn't help but notice that some of her hangover had cured. Maybe exercise helps them, she thought to herself. It was definitely something worth exploring, although next time she'd outsource the actual research.

"It's up at the barn," Applejack said, slowing to a walk. She led them up the hill, saying "I found it like this when I woke up this morning. I haven't touched a thing, I swear."

They crested the ridge, and Twilight got a good look down into the barn. It was big, big enough to store all the Apple clan's farm equipment, and the double doors were wide open. You could see right down into it, and what Twilight saw stopped her in her tracks.

Strung over one of the beams, clearly visible from the hilltop, was a hangman's noose.

And hanging from that noose, half-obscured by the shade of the barn's interior, was the sillhouette of a pony.