Author's Note

This chapter is complete, but a little short. Any suggestions for filler descriptive parts etc. are welcome in the comments!

The Planet of Peace

The Orks all held their heads in pain as they were spat out of the warp, into a new system. Petrified Orks lay on the floor, shaking and in shock from the horrors witnessed in the hellish wasteland. As the Warboss came to, he noticed that this system had only one planet. The hulk slowly drifted toward it, eventually making contact with its atmosphere and breaching the sky of the silent little world.

The Orks were shocked to find that there was no evident war. The planet seemed to not have been plunged into blood, fire or aguish yet. The Orks would be sure to solve that problem. The speed of Kaarn was increasing faster than the Orks could control; before they knew it the hulk was shooting down to the surface, burning up as it tore through the atmosphere. Blinking lights warned and alarms sounded across the whole control deck, filling the room with a haze of red light and a deafening noise.

The spacecraft mercilessly plummeted to the surface. Within minutes of entering orbit, the space hulk crashed into the untouched flesh of the planet. The ship’s structure gave out and entire sections of the craft splintered away. Distorted from its original form, Kaarn lied in pieces across the dense forest. Hordes of greenskins poured out from every orifice of the hulk, spreading out into the wilderness sweeping the surrounding environment for food, animals and resources. Grubgutz strolled out; removing shards of glass from his torso and tossing them aside with a Gretchen following close behind picking them up as he went.

“I fink we found one of dem civilian worlds ‘dose humie captains was talkin ‘bout earlier on da commz” He remarked as his mind wandered.

“Yes, a planet of peace and complexity, disgusting” said the little green grot stumbling about behind him.

Grubgutz sharply turned and pushed the barrel of a slugga into the Gretchen’s face.
“Did I sez you could speek!?”

“N-no, master!” The grot screamed as he flung his hands into the air.

“Dat’s wot I thoght”

Grubgutz looked back out across the wreck, closed his eyes and felt the cool breeze against his face, birdsong and the rustling of shrubbery filled his ears as his army did some major weed whacking.

“I’ve bin ‘ere fa too minutz an I already 'ate it” He grumbled.

Cheer and celebration spread like wildfire among the ranks of the Orks, glad for their survival and ability to fight another day. Runtherds released their Squigs and Gretchen to feast on those not so lucky. Stood tall and mighty on a newly made tree stump, Grubgutz ordered attention from his men.

“Awright boyz weez ona nyoo planet, an we've got sum krumpin ter du!”

The crowd erupted like a geyser of excitement at the prospect of mindless violence.

“But donz git yer weapons ready yet! Wee need ter per-pare! Git da Meks workin' double time! Weeb need bullets, shootaz, trukks an more! Weez gunna have Waaagh!”

The famous Ork phrase was mirrored by the army of green. Axes raised and guns smacked together in the great horde, the clanging of metal a familiar sound for Grubgutz. A range of Orks stood among the sea of green, from Tankbustaz to Burna boyz and from ‘Ardboyz to Meganobz. Grubgutz had faith in his tribe. They hadn’t failed to conquer a world before; he wasn’t going to let their recent retreat discourage them.

He looked up to see a group of Kommandos conversing on the edge of the crowd. He hopped down from the stump and trudged over to them. The rest of the Orks scattered to the forests to gather materials for their settlement. It wouldn’t be a Waaagh! without a good Orky Fort.
“Youz is dem sneeky Boyz, aint ya?” asked the eager Warboss.

The Kommandos stopped and replied “Yeah, dat’s us”

“I wont youz go and… wot do ‘dose ‘umies say… scout da area for me. Can ya do dat?”

Grubgutz smiled grimly at them, revealing his blood-stained teeth and deep red eyes. The Orks grunted and walked off into the rubble and shrubbery to the north of the crash site. Grubgutz kept his cheerful look up as he watched the Kommandos begin their reconnaissance, dropping back to a frown as they disappeared into the woods.

The trees rustled and the leaves brushed against the faces of the Kommandos as they trekked through the harsh and dense jungle that lay ahead of them. They sprinted across the muddy paths and leapt from tree to tree, the bright, glorious sun shining through the gaps in the branches and striking the plant life. The band of rugged Orks reached the edge of the forest, clocking in their timers at 37 minutes. The camouflaged soldiers rested, drinking from their grog flasks and eating their trail rations. They saw a distant mountain topped with snow and a small glade. Further from the grass plain was a small cluster of structures. Still breathing heavily, a Kommando pulled out a pair of binoculars to investigate the odd landmark. The buildings were very primitive; they had straw roofs and wooden frames, pale walls filling the spaces between beams. The spotter jumped slightly and passed the optics to the leader, a worried look on his face. The General frowned as he gazed at the distant town and its details; he couldn’t believe what he saw, but had to.
“Weez bestest go tell da boss, an keep ya traps shut until we git back, alrite?”
The group got up, darted back into the thick shrubbery and disappeared.

The settlement was coming along nicely back at camp. The Orks were carving stations out of the side of the hulk, and using scrap from the wreckage to build rudimentary shacks and other buildings. Orks aren’t perfectionist sort of people. They exchange the beautiful organic shapes of Eldar architecture or the intimidating gothic stature of Imperial buildings for practicality and simplicity. Most Ork construction is hard to differentiate between, which gives them an advantage over those who wish to hit high profile structures. If you’re lucky, an important building might be decorated with big flags and totems, other than that it’s all just sheet metal and wooden frame. Of course, the first thing Grubgutz’ boyz had constructed was a humungous Orky Fort for the Warboss to stay in while they were stranded on the pitiful planet of peace, something not so samey as the rest of the shanty town.

Grubgutz was feasting on roast Squig and some dried fruits from the trees nearby. He filled his face with the greasy, chewy but nonetheless delicious creature, throwing bits that he couldn’t swallow to his Grot orderlies, laughing and choking on his food as they fought each other over the scraps. The Kommandos flew open the doors and sprinted up the throne room, interrupting the Warboss’ meal. Rising to his feet, Grubgutz threw his tray to one side, scattering the half eaten meal across the floor.

“Wot is it boyz? Wot did youz see out dere?” The Warboss asked, hoping for an answer of ‘umies’ or ‘greyskins’.

Instead, he got:

“Ponies, boss”

There was a silence.

“WHAT!?” Grubgutz screamed in fury.

“Um, I- well…” Slikknife paused.

Grubgutz stared at them, his facial features in a position of confusion previously thought impossible. His lips pouted forward very slowly as if he were about to speak, but only a gentle croak was released from his mighty gob.

“Weeb waz at da edge o' da forest, an weeb saw dis town, bitty, peaceful lookin’ an den wen weeb looked in da streets, dere was deez 'orse fingys! Dey was awl colourful an 'appy lookin’! Weez came back as soon as weeb saw ‘em” General Slikknife replied.

Grubgutz sprung from his throne, pacing up and down the hall. It was covered with trophies and prizes, at least one for every square metre. The heads of many Imperial captains and limbs of Tyranids were dotted across the walls, but the most common occurrence in the huge collection was the Iron Jaws and armour of other Ork warbosses including the one he had defeated most recently, and the one before that, and the one before that, etcetera. He thought deeply about his actions. Should he attack this village? Loot them and slaughter the peoples? He contemplated as his boots clicked on the floor of wood and steel sheets. The room was silent except for the creaking of poorly-laid boards and bending of warped metal. The Kommandos stood idly, anticipating the warbosses answer. They slowly walked to him and passed him a map of the area they had traversed, pointing out the direction of the village.

“If youz wants to attakk ‘em, boss, dis mite be useful”

Grubgutz took the map and looked at it. The roughed piece of paper showed a detailed route through the forest and pointed out dangers of all sorts. He nodded slowly. Sitting back in his throne, Grubgutz finally spoke at long last.

“Go tell the ladz ta get their gunz ready, we leev at dawn”