Not The First

It isn't easy taking care of hygiene in a giant empty sphere.

I'm not talking about showers, of course. Arriving by falling into a pile of dead bodies, then living with that pile for months... you stop caring about smell pretty quick. But you don't want to go to the bathroom where you eat, you know?

Solid waste- when it was solid- was fuel for the fire. Good fuel. Like I said. You stop caring about the smell. Just get it out some ways away, use tools to push "it" over to the fire, you're done.

Wait, who are you? Who am I talking to?

Oh, right. Myself.

Heh heh.

You're losing it Twilight. You. Are. Losing it!

Like I was saying. Bathroom.

But liquid waste went into the pool. Why not? That's what it was made of. The other donors were dead, is all.

I bring it up because I was squatting over said pool when Sparkle came over.

She called out to me. It surprised me. I fell in.

It was gross, of course.

I splashed around for a moment before crawling out. I had to drag myself from the pool with my hooves. Even with all I've had to do, that was by far the most disgusting experience yet. Not the most horrifying. But definitely the grossest.

"And what," I gasped, "Was that about?"

"Well..." she hesitated, eyeing the corpse fluid dripping off my muzzle, my twitching eye. "I just wanted to ask, you know, if we could maybe- er, that is to say- I just-"

I facehoofed. "Spit it out already!

She took a deep breath and then let it out. "Ithinkweshouldtryescaping," she said.

"What?"

"I think we should try escaping," she repeated. After a moment, she noted, "You're staring at me like I grew a second head."

I was. I was staring. Because I hadn't heard something so dumb for a long time. "Look around," I said dejectedly. "Hundreds of us have come. None have ever escaped."

"Doesn't mean we can't."

I snorted. "You want to waste time and energy trying? Fine. Just remember: we have no magic."

"We have our minds," Sparkle insisted. "We were Princess Celestia's brightest pupil!"

I got an idea then. Not a nice one. But it would help prove my point.

"Lemme show you something," I wave Sparkle closer.

She trotted over until she was right next to me.

Then I grabbed her leg and pushed her into the pool.

"We're not bright," I hissed at her. "If we were that smart, we'd have stopped ourselves from teleporting long ago. If we were smart, neither of us would be here. If we were smart, we wouldn't be dying in a hole in interdimensional space!"

"Okay, okay!" Sparkle crawled out of the pool. "I get it. We've made mistakes. Let's just... get cleaned up, and talk some more, okay? There's no harm in talking."

"I- okay." The fur on my back didn't lie down again; it was spiked up from the corpse fluid. But I relaxed.

We headed back to camp.

But when we got there, Sparkle went over to the skulls full of water.

The distillery was producing steadily now. Slowly, but steadily. Limiting our rations, we'd built up a stockpile of water.

But it was for emergencies.

Not for cleaning.

Not for what she was trying to do.

"Hey!" I stepped in her path. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I was going to wash off."

I glared at her. "Do you not remember what we talked about? You were the one who pointed it out; water is precious! We can't be wasting it on 'washing off'."

"I'm sorry; are you saying you want to keep that stuff in your fur?" Sparkle glared back.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter if I want to or not. If we want to live, we can't waste water."

For a long moment, Sparkle and I stood in a contest of wills. Then she put down the skull full of water. I expected her to attack.

Instead, she asked, "Why do you want to live?"

It took me by surprise. What did she mean by that? I asked as much.

"Why do you want to live?" she repeated. "You just 'explained' to me that escape won't be happening. So if we're stuck here- why would you want to stay?"

"I-" my mouth opened and closed and opened and closed. I sat down, hard. I couldn't think of a response.

"Wouldn't it be better to just live what time we have left to its fullest?"

"I..."

"Drink, eat, laugh, act out every crazy desire of the flesh while we still can; doesn't that sound better?"

"I- I..."

"Here," she picked up the bowl again and shoved it at me. "When our bellies are full, and we've drank all the water, and we've run out of carnal ideas, we can take up the knives and end it quick. Whaddya say?"

I stared into the bowl. This place- it wasn't well lit. The air seemed to have photons in it, that gave the whole sphere a sort of dim glow, so that no matter where I was I could always see my hoof in front of my face. In that light, water became dark as ink. But next to the fire, it shimmered just enough. I could see my reflection in it. I looked terrible. Covered in every fluid and juice that could be squeezed out of a pony. My mane was starting to fall out in spots. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot, like I'd been crying. Only I hadn't been.

What did I say?

What was the point of prolonging my suffering? Maybe it would be better, or at least easier, to go out in a blaze of debauchery. I couldn't deny that, biologically speaking, I felt a little lonely. I could finally feel full, and quenched, and satisfied. And then a quick swipe of a blade, a single deep cut. And I was gone. Maybe that would be better. After all, what's one more dead Twilight?

Except...

Except I could feel it. The urge to keep going.

It defied logic. More than Pinkie Sense. More than Discord's powers. More than any of the crazy, messed up stuff I'd seen in my life.

But I wasn't ready to give up.

And if she was...

I set the bowl down. Gently. I pushed it over with its fellows. Sparkle looked at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry, Sparkle," I said quietly.

And then I jumped her.