Not The First

"Hey!" Sparkle tried shoving me away, but I was an animal. I pinned her down, intending to end it fast. After all, she wasn't some villain who deserved to suffer.

But I didn't have a weapon. I wasn't wearing my bags, which held my weapons. And if I went to get a weapon, she'd get the upper hoof.

As I debated, she spasmed, then relaxed. I tensed. "Sparkle?" I leaned down to check for a pulse.

Wham!

She slammed her forehead into my muzzle, knocking me senseless. She was stunned, too, but I stumbled away and took longer to recover.

Sparkle got up and immediately went for her shivs. "What the hay!" she shouted. "Why are you attacking me?"

I shook off my dazed-ness and picked up the hatchet. "Because," I growled, "I want to live. And you won't let me!"

We circled each other. "I'm not stopping you from living," she said slowly.

"You want to take away my food. My water."

"I'd leave you half!"

"Not good enough," I countered. "You want to die? Go ahead and die. Don't take away my time before you do."

Sparkle cocked her head. "I never said I wanted to die."

"You said we'd eat all the food, drink all the water, then slit our throats."

"I meant it as an option!" She threw her hooves into the air. "Gods, I know I can be literal minded, but- Look, I don't want to die."

I hesitated. Probably a deadly mistake, but I did. "Then what do you want?"

"I just want us to enjoy the time we have left."

I waited.

"That's it?"

"Yes." She seemed confused. "Why? What were you expecting?"

"I don't know, I just... I just..." I sighed and dropped the hatchet. "I don't know anything anymore. You're right; I don't know why I want to keep fighting. I don't know why I wasn't to stay alive."

Sparkle looked at me warily, as if making sure it wasn't a trap. "Why did you attack me? For real?"

"I thought you were going to," I confessed. "I thought that, if I didn't agree with you, you'd kill me."

Her face fell, and I understood that idiom for the first time. It's different, seeing your own expression collapse like an old building. It just... fell. Her mouth turned into a frown, the skin sagged, her eyes drooped and the corners of her brows dropped. I could see the disappointment and sorrow.

"Twilight," she whispered. "I would never do that."

I could tell she meant it. At least, I thought I could tell that. But I was so sure I could read her expression before... How could I say for certain?

"You wouldn't?"

"No," she affirmed. Sparkle came over and pressed a hoof against my chest. "We're good ponies, you and I. Or rather, we were. I still remember. Don't you?"

Her hoof felt warm on my thin fur.

Quite suddenly I felt tired. Just so, very tired. I'd been so worried... I hadn't been sleeping as well. I was stressed. I was weak.

I collapsed against her.

Sparkle gave me a hug. "Shh," she murmured. "It's okay, Twilight." I realized I was sobbing. Big, fat tears that rolled off my muzzle and down her back. It felt... good. "It'll be okay."

"I'm sorry," I cried.

She patted my back. "I know. I know."

We stayed that way a while. I enjoyed every second of it. Since moving to Ponyville, I don't think I went more than three days without a hug. I hadn't realized how much I missed it.

Then Sparkle tensed. My ears detected a familiar, Pop!

"Get down!" Sparkle yelled, and she twisted, tackling me to the ground, placing herself over me.

And then everything exploded.