We arrived in the frigid, windy city of Icelock at around three in the morning on the ninth day of our trip, exhausted, filthy, and starving. We'd barely been able to make breakfast due to our supplies being practically gone, as we'd only packed for a seven day trip, and despite Grael's best hunting efforts, once we hit the frozen north, he was barely able to sniff out three hares with twenty miles between them. Once being allowed in by the night watch, we enquired as to where a decent inn was with the intention of spending a bit of our few hundred golds on food and lodgings, thanks to the Royal Treasury. We hitched the horses inside the stable, paid a decently small deposit for their care, and headed through the city to where the inn was located.

"I can't wait to sleep in an actual bed tonight," Zane said, stretching his powerful arms out and yawning, it having been his turn to lug the gear around on foot today. "Compared to the furs we've got, a soggy pile of hay with a dead dog next to it would feel like sleeping on the fulfilled wishes of children and happiness, so a bed must be even better."

"I can't wait to take a bath," Annerose said, struggling to keep her blue eyes open as she plodded through the snow-covered streets, her usual active and energetic steps gone with the wind and the cold at this point. "I smell like the inside of Grael's mouth."

"I take offence to that," he grumbled, too tired to be angry.

"Take whatever you want to it," she said. "Hopefully you take a fucking toothbrush as well."

"Mhrm," Grael said, walking with his eyes closed and relying on my movements, sensing them through our link, to guide him on where to go.

"I'd like food that isn't half a rabbit leg cooked in nothing but salt," I said, fantasising about my mother's delicious cooking, having perfected her craft by studying at various cooking schools all across the world in her youth.

"I think we're gonna have to wait till tomorrow to get most of that," Zane added, smiling as we rounded the corner and saw the lights of the inn. "I doubt breakfast and baths are gonna be available at three in the morning."

"Ugh..." came the collective groan from all of us.

We piled into the inn, getting a friendly wave from the woman behind the bar until she noticed Grael.

"I'm afraid dogs aren't allowed in here," she said. "Is he okay to stay in the kennel outside?"

"I don't know," Grael said in an exhausted manner, looking up at me and barely being able to crack his eyes open. "Am I registered at a kennel anywhere in Equestria?"

"You're considered a person, thanks to the bonding ritual thing," I said, being so tired I borderlined on drunkenness.

I turned to the innkeep with a polite smile and placed my dirt-covered hands on the desk, trying my best to sound as coherent as possible.

"Hiya, miss," I said. "I'm really sorry about having to ask this, but would you mind letting the Direwolf rent a room with us tonight? He's house trained and all, and I'm sure his money's as good as everyone else's."

"I..." she said, scratching the back of her head in a torn manner.

"A little extra of his money, then?" I asked, knowing where this was going.

"Does... does he shed much?" she asked me, looking over her shoulder to see if someone was behind her.

"Nope. His breed doesn't shed, and he only loses as many hairs as your average human does in a day," I answered. "He also doesn't drool and is able to use a toilet like a normal human if he needs to."

"I... alright, just make sure he isn't seen by my boss," she nodded. "The rooms are fifty each for the night, seventy five for a two-person room, and we'll add a little extra on for your friend there... say another twenty gold?"

I nodded, my head, turning back to the others with an inquisitive look on my face, looking at Zane with a cocked eyebrow.

"Are we gonna be running the funds dry if we all rent a single room each?" I asked.

"Not dry, but gouging ourselves more than we'd like to," Zane nodded, looking down at Grael. "You don't mind sharing a room with someone, do you?"

"Nope," he said with a shake of his head. "A floor next to a bed with someone, or a bed on it's own is good enough for me."

"Then I think our best bet, counting the extra we need for Grael," Zane said. "Is to rent a double room for two of us to stay in, and then Grael and someone else can stay in the single room. So, who's gonna be going with-"

"I'm staying in the single room with Grael," Annerose said immediately, giving no room for any debates. "You two can stay in a room together."

Zane and I looked at each other, knowing that this was another 'Annerose has made up her mind and that's that' scenario where there was no wrangling our way out of it, so we both just shrugged and went along with it.

"Alright then," Zane nodded, turning back to the inkeep with a nod as he got out his coin purse. "We'll take one double and a single, please."

"Sure thing, your rooms are on the second floor and across the way from each other," she said, taking the money and handing over keys in response. "Enjoy your stay."

We all mumbled tired and exhausted thanks and greetings, our legs burning as we made our way up to the second floor. We mumbled goodnights as we split into twos, heading to our rooms and throwing our gear down inside of them. I didn't even take off my boots before collapsing on the bed in the far corner while Zane just flat out laid face down on the bed under the window, the two of us passing out almost immediately as the sleep we desperately needed overwhelmed us both.

It seemed that the two of us slept for a lot longer than we usually did, as we slept in until nearly four in the afternoon, having completely wasted most of the day and done nothing important so far. I cracked my eyes open as Zane flicked me on the back, rolling over with a grumpy grunt and seeing him standing there with his arms crossed.

"Come on, we need to get up," he said. "We're behind schedule as it is."

"I have an idea," I said, looking at the sun as it began lowering itself, seemingly going to be dark in less than an hour. "How about we use today as a rest day, and then get back on track tomorrow?"

Zane looked down at the aged wooden floor for a long moment, pondering the situation in his mind before nodding.

"Good idea," he said. "It'd be nothing but a waste of time to expect the Court Mage and the mercenaries to want to discuss business at this time of the day."

He headed back to his bed, digging his gear out of his bag and beginning to sort out what we had left in terms of food, money, and supplies. In the meantime, I got up and stretched my limbs, dropping onto the ground and running myself through a few basic push-up exercises, just to get the blood going properly. I moved my hands around every now and again, spreading them further apart, bringing them closer and lower down my body, and eventually placing one behind me back and swapping that over every now and again by pushing myself up as hard as I could and landing on the other hand.

"Remember there's a whole tavern downstairs," Zane said. "We don't wanna get kicked out over you putting holes in the ceiling."

"Fair enough," I grunted, giving the tired muscle a rest and standing up, rolling my shoulders and swinging my arms in front of my chest, trying to work away the ache I'd gained from exertion. "So, what's up first on the chopping block?"

"I have an idea, but I can't be fucked to go over the plan twice," Zane said, looking at me with a smirk. "Go get Annerose and Grael, then meet me downstairs."

"I'll grab a shower first," I nodded, getting out of bed and wandering into the bathroom.

"Don't take too much time," Zane said. "I'm gonna need one when you go for the other two."

"No promises," I shrugged, closing and locking the door, more out of habit than anything else, behind me and staring at the oiled-wood booth with a cocked eyebrow.

It was far from the tiles-and-gilded-head set up we had back at home, and didn't seem to run on the same functions. The showers we had in Canterlot, especially in the castle, ran off magically-charged crystals, each enchanted and stored inside a metal box with taps attached to it. Inside the box were two crystals, one enchanted to produce hot water and the other to produce cold, and turning the a tap would activate the corresponding crystal and pump water up through the piping. You could turn both taps to make a perfect mixture of hot and cold water with the only downside being that you needed to change the crystals every few months when the energy stored in them that allowed them to power their enchantments ran out.

This splinter-trap seemed to be nothing more than a large and clunky bucket of water that needed to be filled, heated, and slotted into a place above the shower head, where you'd then 'turn on the shower' and probably be exposed to the feeling of standing underneath a broken drainpipe. Deciding that I didn't want to waste an hour waiting for the metal container to boil to a decent temperature, I filled it up with water from the pump above the sink and set it into place. It seemed that you needed to twist the shower head to get the water to come out, so I quickly stripped down and mentally prepared myself for how awful this was going to be.

I twisted the shower head and felt a torrent of ice cold water begin to slop down onto my back, forcing a gasp from my lungs and a shiver to run through my body. I screwed my eyes shut, ignoring the deathly cold as I went to work on myself with the nearly-sharp piece of soap and a sponge that felt like it was made of iron, definitely scraping the dirt, dead skin, and possibly a fresh layer off. I began to shiver violently, the exposure to the water lowering my core temperature and making it difficult to move my fingers and toes in a rapid manner.

I eventually decided that I was clean enough, twisting the shower head and cutting off the water torture machine, shivering and chattering loudly as I realised that there weren't any towels in the bathroom. Gritting my teeth as best I could from the shivering, I exited the bathroom and began to dig through my bag to find a cotton shirt or something I could use to wipe myself off with, as being covered in water moisture only made the room feel colder. Zane raised an eyebrow at me as I came storming through the door, looking at my shivering form, and asking a simple question.

"How bad is it?"

"About as bad as one of Luna's 'Wake-Up Baths'," I said, drying off my arms and legs with the shirt, going for the thinner areas that couldn't warm themselves as best as my chest could.

"Ooh... I'm looking forward to this," Zane said, a reluctant chuckle escaping from his mouth.

"It is so cold in there, I don't even think my dick's shrunk..." I said, drying my face off. "I think it's fucking retracted."

"Well, let's see how bad it really is," Zane said, standing up and taking his boots off. "You go get Annerose and Grael, then go downstairs. I'll be down soon."

"Righto then," I nodded, finishing drying myself off and dressing in basic winter gear: thick cotton trousers, a cotton undershirt, a dark blue woolen shirt, fur-lined leather boots, and a hooded short cape, leaving the hood down while I was inside.

Deciding to dress for business this time I around, I belted the sword Celestia had given me as a birthday present to my back, fastened a belt with several useful pouches onto my waist, and, using a trick Luna had taught me a while ago, grabbed a small hunting knife and its sheath before using a random strap of fabric to tie it to the underside of my wrist with the blade pointing towards my elbow, allowing me to keep a second weapon concealed as well as quickly draw it from its sheath if I needed it.

Deciding that I was geared up enough to make thugs and bandits think twice, and to look like I knew what I was doing when it came to talking to the mercenaries, I headed across the hall to Annerose and Grael's room, wondering if they were even awake yet. I gave the usual knock to let them know it was me, which was walking straight in and yelling for one of them, this making a towel-wrapped Annerose roll off the bed in shock, landing hard on the wooden floor.

"You're a cunt," she growled, poking her head over the bed and glowering at me. "You're an absolute cunt. If you fell down the stairs and broke both of your legs, I'd make you walk back up them again."

"Thank you," I smirked. "You nearly ready to discuss what we're gonna do there?"

There was a moment of silence between the two of us, Annerose blinking several times, before giving a very passionate response:

"Does it fucking look like I'm ready?!" she hollered in a furious manner, standing up and screaming at me, not noticing a little wardrobe malfunction she'd gone through. "I've been sat here for three hours, listening to your stupid fucking dog panting and growling in his sleep like he's a pug with a broken nose, waiting for you to get here, and when you finally decide to get off your fat arse and see me, you kick my bastard door in, clearly see me in a fucking towel, and ask if I'm ready to go downstairs? Yeah, of course I am, Richter, let's just walk my naked arse downstairs for everyone to stare at! Just lemme shave my pubes into a greeting beforehand, alright? You stupid fucking twat."

"It's funny you mention that," I said, crossing my arms and giving an off-hand point at her exposed nether regions, her towel having fallen off instantly after standing. "You seem to have already shaved them all off."

She was confused for a moment, narrowing her eyes at me, before looking down at herself and realising that every inch of her toned body was on display. Her eyes widened in horror, clapping her hand over her vagina and trying to cover her chest with her forearm, her cheeks blazing a bright red to such a degree that it seemed to hurt, moisture welling up in the corner of her eyes as she refused to look at me.

"Please leave," she said in a whimpering tone, barely being able to muster any of the anger she'd had previously, looking as if she was about to start crying. "Right now."

"Alright, but just get ready and meet us downstairs," I said in a softer, more comforting tone. "We're gonna be figuring out what the plan is for tomorrow."

"O-Okay..." she mumbled, turning her body away from me, seeming unsure which angle to show off. "Just... can you-"

"-I'm already gone, kid," I said, nodding my head and exiting the room, whistling for Grael to follow me as I did so.

The large wolf followed me out, letting me close the door behind us, before turning to look at me with an expectant gaze.

"How happy were you to see that?" he asked as we walked down the stairs.

"At that moment?" I asked him. "Not at all."

"And why's that?"

"Because she didn't mean to show herself like that," I answered, giving a smile to the innkeep as we went and sat down at a table, Grael positioning himself next to me as he lay down, taking the chat to a mental one. "If she'd asked me to come in and was sat naked on the bed with a smile on her face, I'd be overjoyed about seeing her like that. But she didn't mean for me to see her naked. She didn't want to show off her body. What happened up there was exactly the same result as me peeking in through her window while she was changing."

"And that makes the nudity worthless to you?" he asked. "No sexual satisfaction whatsoever?"

"None," I nodded. "There was no attempt to attract from that, so no attraction was gained."

"Richter?" Grael asked.

"Yes?"

"You're a better person than I give you credit for, you know that?"

"Thanks, buddy. That means a lot to me," I said with an honest smile, reaching down and petting him casually as we waited for the others to show up.

I took a few minutes for Zane to show up, dressed in similar winter gear that protected him from the chill of even the inside of the inn, and a while longer for Annerose to show up. When the raven-haired woman did finally sit down at the table with us, she couldn't make eye contact with me, seemingly ashamed of what had happened upstairs, almost radiating guilt that she shouldn't be feeling across the table. Zane noticed the air as well, looking back and forth between the two of us before asking about it.

"Did something happen between you two up there?" he questioned. "Did you argue or what?"

"No, Annerose's towel fell off while we were talking," I said, trying to make it sound as casual and unimportant as possible, wanting her to be able to laugh it off as nothing, but I knew she still felt bad about it. "Exposed a little more than she wanted to, but nothing too serious."

"Really?" Zane asked her, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah... not my proudest moment," she sighed, finally seeming to breathe and relax for the first time since she'd sat down with us, something I was thankful to see. "So, what's the plan, man?"

"I'm thinking that we keep the teams we've got now, I'll stick with Rick and you stay with Grael," Zane explained. "With that sorted out, we can decide on who's going where tomorrow."

"I wanna take a look at the mercenaries," I said quickly, throwing my name into that hat. "I feel like I'll be able to negotiate better with those kinds of folk than I will a prissy Court Mage."

"I agree with that," Zane nodded. "I've never been good at dealing with democrats and politicians. Are you two okay with dealing with that?"

"I was taught proper etiquette," Grael nodded. "Not so sure about Annerose, though."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" she asked in a slightly offended tone.

"You're not exactly the most polite person on the planet, Anne," Zane said in as gentle a manner as possible.

"And you have a really short temper," I pointed out. "And with how annoying politicians and nobles can be... I'm not sure you can handle it."

Annerose seemed rather disgruntled by the comments, but seemed to realise that we were all right, crossing her arms and looking away from us for a long moment before sighing in defeat.

"Al-fucking-right," she growled. "So I'm gonna be taking care of the mercenaries then?"

"Then that means it's gonna be three of us doing one thing and leaving Grael on his own," I said. "That's hardly fair."

"Richter, I know how much you hate this, but don't you think having the Crown Prince of Equestria present the offer would help it go over much smoother?" Grael asked. "And, meaning no insult to either of you, you tend to be better at... dealing with women than the other two."

"You mean charming and manipulating, right?" Annerose asked the wolf.

"And fucking," Zane smirked. "Don't forget that."

"Yes," Grael nodded, reluctant to engage in such profanity. "I believe your stature and your silver tongue will help greatly when dealing with the Court Mage."

"So we're switching the teams up?" Annerose asked. "Zane and I are gonna handle the mercenaries while you two handle the Court Mage?"

"Seems like it," Zane nodded. "So, we're decided on that then? We'll handle the rougher people while you two get to sit in a fancy palace and sip wine while talking to beautiful women?"

"Seems so," Grael nodded, turning to me with a strange expression. "Now, this feels rather strange for me to say, but... if it is possible for you to bed the Court Mage, I... I think it would be highly beneficial to our cause if you went through with it."

"Hang on, Mr. 'A true gentlemen must wear a ring before he wears a woman' is telling me that he wants me to fuck the Court Mage?" I asked in a laughing tone. "Were you replaced with a Changeling on the way here?"

"No, it's just that she is more likely to provide assistance to someone she either likes or is attracted to," Grael said, seeming rather embarrassed to talk about this. "And I'm sure if you're able to... satisfy her, she'll be more than willing to lend her assistance if she considers the two of you close and friendly."

"Well, you don't get much closer to someone than being inside them," I shrugged. "Sounds like a plan. Not only do I get half of our checklist crossed off, I get to spend some time with the lovely lady."

"Here's hoping she's not a fat old hag, eh, Rick?" Annerose asked in a jeering manner.

"I'm fucking praying for it," I said in a laughing tone.

"Hopefully she's as beautiful as our Court Mage," Zane suggested.

"That's my Aunt Twilight you're talking about there," I said, giving him a warning look.

"And do you disapprove of me finding her attractive?" he asked.

"No, but my Dad will," I smirked. "And he'll fucking kill you."

"Ah... that is a problem," Zane nodded. "Mhm..."

"I also think you're a little... big for her," I said in a sideways manner. "As in you'd probably crush the poor little thing. She's only five feet tall, after all."

"Can we stop talking about this?" Annerose asked. "We were on topic before sex got brought up."

"It's always the same way with Richter," Grael said, rolling his eyes. "He catches a whiff of vagina, be it in conversation or on the wind, and he'll track it down like a Bloodhound."

"What can I say?" I shrugged. "I take after my Dad."

"There is no way he is as bad as you are," Annerose said in disbelief.

"I think he was worse, actually," I said, scratching the back of my head with a chuckle. "Only settled down when he met my Mom when he was twenty three. I don't think she calmed him down with the strength of love and heart... I think she was able to cuff him because he couldn't find anyone better to f-"

"Right!" Annerose exclaimed, slamming her hand on the table to get our attention, and practically everyone else's as well. "So, plan figured out, all sorted, anyone else as hungry as I am?"

"I could go for an ale or two," Zane nodded. "You guys the same?"

There were mutterings and nodding of confirmation as we all headed over to the bar, asking whether or not they did in-house meals before ordering what we wanted and returning to the table, spending the rest of the evening eating, drinking, and talking about whatever we could think of as well as ironing out plans for tomorrow. I felt rather excited about the concept of the Court Mage, hoping that she was some frozen, exotic beauty, the likes of which I'd never seen before...

And really hoped she wasn't a seventy year old bag who kicked her tits every time she took a step.

Author's Note

Sorry this took so fucking long to come out. Breath of the Wild has had its claws in me for at least twelve hours every day since the 3rd. I'm close to beating it now, so the updates should pick up speed once again, as we get into the meat and potatoes of things.