Zecora's Excellent Adventure

by neorenamon

Zecora awoke in the morning half buried by the strange creatures she fell among. For a moment, she thought it was a strange dream, but she soon realized that it was real. She lifted her head to look about as that was about the only part of her not covered in the strange younglings.

Looking out through cracks in the curtains, she guessed that the sun was now shining down upon the world... whichever world she was now stuck in. She noticed that the sun wasn't quite the same yellowish tone that she was used to either.

The little ones began to stir as she moved.

"Hey!" said one, "The magic zebra is awake!"

"If you are speaking to me," she replied, "then that statement is plain to see."

"Aw man, how does she do that rhyming shit?!" asked another.

"I shall never get used to it," she grumbled, "the so many uses you have for 'shit'."

"Say..." noted another, "Speaking of shit, you ain't taken one since you got here. Don't you gotta poop by now?"

"That would be a safe bet," she replied, "Do you use a toilet?"

"Hell yeah!" he replied, "'Cept for the little ones in diapers."

"Perhaps one of you can lead the way?" she asked, "Would one of you help me today?"

She got more volunteers than she needed. They moved as a single mass into the hallway.

"Where are you taking that zebra bitch?" asked Bullhorn, "Seeing her makes me fucking twitch!"

"She's gonna use the toilet!" offered a little girl.

He raised an eyebrow. "Color me a fucking rapper!" he cussed, "A zebra using the goddamn crapper?!"

"Do you take me for a 'tard," she asked, "who takes a crap out in the yard?"

"That's what Bullhorn does know," he replied, "that four legged critter shit should go. Unless it's a cat... litter boxes for that."

"She's fucking magic like a unicorn!" called one of the little boys beside her.

"Magic my bloody ass!" he snorted, "It's too early to be smoking grass!"

"Well if we're stoned, then you are too!" replied one of the young girls.

"Stoned I am not," he smirked, "but I have drank a lot."

"Does this look like a fucking pink elephant to you?!"

Bullhorn shrugged as the procession continued to the bathroom. "I hope you don't shit a lot!" he called after them, "We just paid to fix that pot!"

"She's probably not as fulla shit as you!" they replied.

"Just remember I'm older than you!" he yelled, "I can scold you and spank your ass too!"

Zecora shot him a glare that told him, 'Not in my presence!'

One of the kids knocked on the bathroom door. They could hear the sound of running water from the shower.

"I ain't done in the shower yet!" called Honey Bee.

"We gotta take a shit!" replied one of the girls.

"Okay!" she replied, "The door ain't locked!"

So they walked in as Zecora sat herself on the toilet. She looked rather humanesque as she sat on the seat. They could see the silhouette of Honey Bee through the shower curtain.

"Goddamn!" she cussed, "How many of you are in here?! There's only one toilet, you know!"

"That was something I did not know," replied the zebra, "but it's true that I must go."

There was a splash as the first meadow muffin hit the water.

Honey Bee poked her head through the shower curtains to stare at Zecora sitting on the toilet.

"You're... fucking shitting me?!" she asked in dismay.

"Why would I shit on you?" asked the zebra, "Is that something you creatures do?"

"Oh no, Miss Zecora," said a little boy, "That's just a thing we say!"

"You have a funny way," she replied as she crapped some more, "of using words you say."

"I can't believe I'm talking with a miniature zebra," she muttered.

"You are somewhat large," she observed, "Are you the one in charge?"

"I wish," she muttered, "but the head honcho around here is Black Dynamite."

Dy-na-mite! Dy-na-mite! Dy-na-mite!

"Well she is kind of in charge of us," admitted one of the orphans.

"Perhaps it's much to ask of you," asked the zebra, "but may I use the shower too?"

"You... shower?" she asked quietly.

"While I have no plumbing at home," she replied, "they have them in Ponyville perchance to roam."

"Uh... okay... sure," she muttered.

After a moment, Zecora used her tail to flush. Then she got off the toilet.

"Did she just..." stammered HB, "Yeah, it's fucking magic alright."

"It's so fucking COOL!" declared one of the small females.

"Well gimme a few minutes," she replied as she retreated back into the shower.

Zecora looked at Honey Bee's image against the curtain as she said, "She has things I haven't seen before. Why does her chest have so much more?"

"What?" asked a boy, "You ain't seen tits before?"

"I have seen many pony and other bits," she replied, "but what are these things called 'tits'?"

"You know... the things milk come from?"

"So those bumps are her teats?" she mused, "What a place to store those treats."

"Well my tits are up here cuz' humans nurse their children holding them in our arms," muttered Honey Bee.

"I think I see it now," she replied, "You hold milk like a cow."

"I ain't no damn cow!"

There was a knock on the door as Black Dynamite called, "You done in there yet, Honey Bee?! I gotta shit!!"

"Get in line behind the zebra!" she replied.

"I don't know what you're going on about, but fucking hurry up!"

The orphans pushed Zecora into the shower with Honey Bee.

"What the?!.." asked HB.

"We get done faster when we shower together!" offered one of the boys.

"We don't fucking need to have Black Dynamite kick down another door!" added one of the girls.

"I don't mean to stare," said Zecora, "but why you have so little hair?"

"I guess it's being human," she replied, "We got hair on our head and more hair when we... uh... grow up."

"She shaves her legs!" called a little boy.

"That's not important!" she hissed back.

"I don't want to seem a dope," asked the zebra, "but where is the bar soap?"

"We just have liquid soap around here," she replied.

"Honey Bee! Just help her clean up before BD gets pissed!" said one of the orphans.

"Great... I'm now a bathroom attendant to a miniature zebra..." she muttered.