Author's Note

Shitposted in... uh. When MGS5 came out.

Big Boss (Teen)

It's another sunny day in Equestria, and you know what? Today seems like the kinda day to just fuck with somepony. In fact, the next pony you see, you're going to see how hard you can troll them.

"Hiya, Anon!" squeaks a little filly who seemed to walk up next to you. Perfect. Fresh meat.

"Hey there little one, What's your name?"

"Mah name is Applebloom. I'm Appleja-"

"Nope. That's stupid. You're parents are stupid for naming you that."

"Wait- Wha-"

"Your new name is Big Boss."

"Huh?"

"What, don't you like the name?"

"Well, I mean-"

"Your new name is Big Boss and that's that. Now run home and tell your parents that I've fixed your problem for you."

"B-but, Anon, my parents are dead."

"Well good. I fixed it for you since nobody else could."

"Wha-"

"I mean, no WONDER nobody fixed your name until now. Everyone was like 'OH SHIT! Dead Parents', and everyone would have made fun of you behind your back."

"Ponies don't make fun of me behind mah back."

"Are you sure, Big Boss?"

"Uhm... well, maybe?"

"Well, now they sure as hell won't. Who would want to fuck with someone called Big Boss?"

"Uhm..."

"Nobody, that's who. I bet you've killed fifty men."

"What?!"

"Oh yeah. Look at that hardened war face."

"A-ah didn't kill nopony."

"Oooh. I see. Playing the dark secret angle, huh Big Boss. Alright. I get it. My lips are sealed."

"B-but."

"Shhh... it's okay. I'll stay Quiet."

"..."

"So, I've done you a massive service."

"What?"

"I've saved you from the dorky name given to you by your dead parents."

"I think it's harder to change a name than-"

"Nope, your Big Boss now."

"But..."

"What's your name?"

"But..."

"Say it."

"Anon-"

"SAAAAAY IT."

"... Big Boss."

"Good girl. Now run along and don't murder half the town. Or do it anyway. The good news is you can't re-kill your parents. Hell, you might get revenge. Or Vengence. or REVENGEance."

"U-uhm. Okay. Bye Anon. And... uhm. Thanks? I guess?"

"All in a day's work."