Marathon

The whole stone table thing put me in a reverent-ish mood. Placing the cockatrice on the slab updated my objective. "Gather 3 different mushrooms of any kind, 5 leaves of poison joke, and at least 10kg of wood". Great. Now it's a fetch quest. Generic quest indeed. That's probably the most common quest besides go to point A and kill monster B. Trudging off into the forest, I kept my eye out for the signature orange and blue spotted plant. Probably a jar to keep it in would be good. Wouldn't want to be made out of rubber for a day or something. A quick pocket search turned up no viable containers. It did turn out the Spartan Knife. "If I can't find a friendship problem, I'll MAKE a friendship problem!"

Tree huggers beware : sharp knife is sharp. And trees are fun to cut down. No live trees were harmed, however. An old fallen tree sufficed. BSA is best pony for the current 5 minute period. Having fashioned a few rough jars and lids, the underside was searched. A scorpion of some sort jumped out and tried to sting me to no effect. I smashed it to considerable effect. I sat there for a few seconds then realized that there was no +? coming. Not even a +1. Thinking back to the massive amount of notices about the quest, I remembered that you do not gain points during the quest because the TARDIS is inaccessible during the quest. No cheating.

Most of the tree was covered in various colors of mold and such, but there were a few mushrooms. A red and white one was placed in jar '1', a generic brown one in '2' and a purpleish one in '3'. So far the fetch quest was coming along very nicely. The jars easily fit inside the various pockets/compartments of my suit. This fallen down tree would be perfect, but I didn't want to lug around an entire old rotting tree. Saving that for later, I left to find some poison joke. More mucking about ended at a cliff. No, I did not fall off the cliff. Below the cliff was a river, and on the other side of the river was a nice large patch of poison joke.

Taking a few steps back and then SPRINTing, I jumped. And crashed into the ground. Son of a motherfetlocker that hurt! I know I should be grateful that no limbs were broken, but still. Checking myself, my items, and checking that I didn't land in the poison joke all returned positive. I walked over to the poison joke and gingerly used the knife to cut and shovel the plants into jar '4'. Standing up, satisfied, I realized that there was now a river between me and the Altar. Not to mention that cliff. Looking along the banks showed that there was a slope next to the bank on the other side, so I could get back up, but how to get across?

Another attempted SPRINTjump landed me right in the middle of the river. I sank to the bottom quite rapidly. Only I didn't die or drown. After getting bored of looking at all the weird looking fish down there, I walked along the bottom to the other side. Crawling out of the mud, I returned to the tree. I decided that lugging around an entire old rotting tree would actually be pretty cool, so I dragged it all the way back to the Altar of Urtan.

After bringing all the materials to the Altar, the objective updated again. Now it said "Adorn the cockatrice with the ingredients". I placed the mushrooms and poison joke on the cockatrice. Next objective: "Place the wood in a circle on the table around the cockatrice." I cut the tree into pieces and placed them so. "Summon Urtan". I had no idea how to do this. I stomped on the ground. I let off a few shots from the assault rifle. I played guitar. I punched the table. The last one made a low rumbling noise and then a glowing light appeared over the altar.

A voice said "Your sacrifice has been accepted," as flames shot out and completely incinerated all the random crap placed on the table. Then, almost as an afterthought, the voice said "It's dangerous to go alone. Take this with you," and a shovel bashed into my face and knocked me over. There was a victorious-sounding noise and "Quest completed" replaced the Objectives. +83m. Yay. Now I could finally bury that cockatrice... that just got burnt to nothing... crap.

After mentally laughing a little at myself a little, and wincing that I still couldn't actually speak or make any real sounds, I reoriented myself towards Canterlot and began the long march again. We're off to see the alicorn! The wonderful alicorn of Canterlot... with nothing but the moon to guide my way. I looked at the moon. It shone so brightly. Then something weird happened. There was a weird glow on the moon and then a dark face appeared. It was the head of a unicorn. No, an alicorn. Luna. Luna just got put on the moon.

I'm 1000 years early.

AN:

*hipster glasses* My fic took place in Equestria before the 99%.

The only other one that did that that I can think of off the top of my head is I Rock.

Which just for the record is a FANTASTIC fic.

So no, no claiming of 'first' is occurring. Quell thineself.

And just for the record this is not a self insert.

Evan is a mix of a few people I know and myself.

So just partial self insert.