Country-sized Country Girl

Applejack let out a long yawn. She had spent the entire evening making pie deliveries all over Equestria, and her last stop was in the tiny town of Dodge. She was feeling quite tired. As the train pulled up to the station, she saw a large crowd of ponies gathered around the town square. “What in tarnation is going on there?” she wondered aloud.

Applejack’s ears perked up as she heard a pair of unmistakable voices. “Flim and Flam?” She scoffed. “What the hay are they doing here?”

Sure enough, the two salesponies were standing on top of a stage. Behind them was a large vehicle, which looked like a converted version of their cider machine. The machine was churning out barrels of bubbly blue liquid. “Step right up, little ponies!” said Flam. “You’re about to witness the unveiling of our newest product, the Potion of Prosperity, the Beverage of Boons, the Ale of Affluence! Flim and Flam are proud to present… Sapphire Soda!”

The ponies in the crowd murmured in suspicion.

“Now, I know what the lot of you might be wondering.” said Flim. “How can I get my hooves on such a refreshing-looking beverage?”

“Well, the beautiful, blue brew can be yours today, for the low price of thirty bits a liter!” Flam said.

The crowd laughed. “Thirty bits for soda!?” a pony yelled. “Who’s gonna pay that?”

“My dear pony, I understand your skepticism.” Flam said. “But this isn’t just any soda. It is a carbonated potion of luck, guaranteed to bring good fortune on your life, or your money back. Guaranteed.”

“Oh yeah?” Applejack stepped forward.

“Ah, Applejack!” Flim jumped up to shake her hoof. “Just the pony we wanted to see!”

Applejack reluctantly shook back. “What’re y’all sellin’ this time?” she looked Flim dead in the eye. “More snake-oil water?”

“No. Of course not!” Flim said charismatically.

“You insult our honor.” said Flam. “We’ve turned over a new leaf. We’re legit merchants now.”

“That’s right!” said Flim. “Our days as con-artists are behind us. And it’s all thanks to this wonderful brew.”

“How does it work?” Applejack raised an eyebrow.

“I’m afraid we’re not at the liberty to reveal that.” said Flam. “It’s kind of a trade secret.”

“Uh-huh…” said Applejack.

“Tell you what!” Flam smiled. “Why don’t we give out a few free samples to help convince the good ponies of Dodge? Then we can show that not only does our product work, but it can have life-changing effects.”

“Applejack, would you please pick out a volunteer from the crowd?” Flim waved his hoof over the onlookers. “We wouldn’t want to be accused of hiring shills, now would we?”

“Alright, fine.” Applejack sighed. She looked over the crowd, searching for someone who was unlikely to be bought off. She spotted a particularly large pony at the back of the crowd. It was Troubleshoes Clyde. If any pony was going to test the validity of a ‘luck potion’ it would be him.

“What about that big fellow back there?” Applejack pointed.

“Me?” Troubleshoes looked up.

Flam smiled. “Please, come on up!”

“Don’t be shy now!” said Flim.

Troubleshoes reluctantly walked up to the stage, but as he did, he slipped on a beer bottle lying in the street and stumbled onto the stage with a crash. “Just my luck…” he moaned.

Applejack helped him up. “C’mon, big guy.”

“Look at this poor pony.” said Flim. “The poor, infamous Troubleshoes. Known for having some of the worst fortune in all of Equestria!”

“Not exactly somepony you’d want with you on a visit to Las Pegas.” Flam joked.

“Applejack!” Flim leaned in. “Would you please act as a third party for a game of chance?”

“Uh, I guess so.” Applejack shrugged. “What do y’all need me to do?”

“Here are some dice.” Flim said. “Please, give them a roll!”

“Okay.” Applejack shook the dice and rolled them.

“Two fives and a four.” Flam said. “Not bad.”

“Now let’s see how our unfortunate friend does.” Flim handed Troubleshoes the same dice Applejack had rolled.

“I’ll probably get less than a five…” he grumbled and tossed his dice out.

“Two ones and a three.” said Flam.

“Heh…” Troubleshoes chuckled. “I can’t even guess my rolls right…”

“Can we do another round?” asked Applejack. “This might just be a coincidence.”

“Sure. Sure.” said Flim. “Let’s do best of ten!”

The two ponies played game after game. But every time, Applejack came out on top. Troubleshoes never even saw a roll higher than eleven. “Just my luck…” he sighed.

“Now let’s see how out friend does under the influence of Sapphire Soda!” Flim poured the massive pony a tall glass of the blue liquid.

Troubleshoes glumly gulped the soda down.

“Give us a whirl now.” Flam smiled.

Troubleshoes sighed and rolled the dice.

“Three sixes!” Flam gasped.

“No way!” Troubleshoes eyes widened. “I never have luck that good.”

“You do now,” said Flim. “thanks to Sapphire Soda.”

Applejack and Troubleshoes played ten more games, and he won every single one of them, every time with a roll of eighteen.

“If we weren’t usin’ the same dice I’d accuse them of being loaded.” Applejack said incredulously.

Troubleshoes looked at his incredible rolls in surprise. “As much as I can’t believe it…I think it really was their elixir.”

The ponies cheered and rushed forward to purchase the soda.

“Thank you for your assistance in this matter, young Applejack!” Flam hugged her. “Please, have a free sample of our fine product as a sign of gratitude.”

“Thanks.” Applejack yawned and took the soda. “I’m glad I could help. But if y’all don’t mind, I’m gonna go hit the hay. I’ve had a long night.”

“Sleep well!” the two brothers waved her off as they started selling off crates of soda.

Cherry Jubilee, the town’s unofficial mayor stepped up to the stage and pulled Flim aside. “Can I speak to you for a second?” she asked. “Alone.”

“Certainly, Ma’am!” Flim smiled, walking behind the machine. “What did you need?”

“I just wanted to know how your potion works.” She gave an uncertain frown. “How does it do what it does?”

“I suppose you’re an individual who I can trust to keep a secret.” Flim looked back and forth, making sure nopony was spying on them. “So, I’ll let you in on a little secret…” He leaned in close. “It’s Poison Joke.”

“Poison Joke!?” Cherry gasped. “How did you…?”

“Ingenious isn’t it.” Flim smirked. “The plant is known to curse its victims with misfortune tailored to their specific weaknesses. We’ve simply reversed those effects… and added a few ingredients to amplify the toxin’s potency.”

“Toxin?” Cherry raised an eyebrow.

“Relax.” Flim reassured her. “It’s harmless. It just causes the opposite of whatever the curse would normally be. Nothing bad could possibly come from this…”