You are, once again, Spike, and your butt is sore with all this waiting. You take a sip of your lukewarm cup of tea as Pinkie finishes yet another song. She’s been alternating between singing, joke-telling and very long anecdotes for the last hour or so. It’s a tell-tale sign that she was also bored beyond belief. The girls were meant to be here. Where in Equestria could they be? You’re just about approaching the time when you’ll start to be officially worried.

Twilight reached that stage about 20 minutes ago. Her eye is twitching. You remember when it dangled from a nerve out of its socket. Memories of that night still flash back to you when you look at Twi, and you find yourself staring at her again. You’ve seen her in ways no one else has…well, until tonight. Twilight’s going to show everyone those pictures you took of her after you had finished taking her apart, as proof of her immortality. Assuming they ever get here, that is…

“Are you sure you never seen them on your way here, Pinkie?” she asks, too wrapped up in worry to notice you zoning out.
“Yup! Didn’t see, ear, smell, feel or taste any of the girls when I was walking over. Then again I was only out for about five minutes, I live super close after all. Maybe they were just out?”

This fails to reassure the purple princess, who gets up from her seat and stats to pace the table.

“This isn’t like them…well ok, it’s a little like Rainbow Dash. But the others should be here. I think we should go and check on them.”

You kind of agree with Twilight. Besides, it beat just sitting around waiting for them. You hop off your chair, arching your back and rubbing your derriere. Those things weren’t as comfy as you’d like, really, you’ll have to remember to tell Twilight. Maybe not now though. She’s got other things on her mind at the moment.

The three of you make your way to the entrance to the castle. It’s quiet outside, for a change. Your eyes scan the horizon, as if the rest of the Elements were just about to appear. Nope, no sign of them. You sigh.

“Well, where should we start looking?” you ask. Twilight rubs her chin with her hoof.

“I say we visit the boutique first. Or maybe-wait, I see Derpy coming in. Maybe she has a letter for me that could explain something?”

You look up to the skies and see the mailmare descending towards you, landing just on the top step in front of the door. She smiles at you all.

“Hey everyone! I have something for you Twilight!” she announces. You and Pinkie both turn to look at Twilight, who looks excitedly at the straw-haired Pegasus.

“Hah! I knew it! Uh, I mean, thank you Derpy. May I see it?”

“Sure! Just hang on a second…”

She turns her head around and begins to fish something out of her mailbag. Whatever it is, it’s quite bulky for a letter. It also appears to be speaking.

“Derpy, I think you need to give this bag a wash. Um, if you don’t mind me saying…” mumbles a small voice. Hang on, it sounds familiar. Was that…?

Derpy pulls out a round, pink and yellow object and turns around, holding it in her mouth by its…mane? The object blinks a few times in the sun, then peers at you and the others with an embarrassed look on its face.

“Oh,hello girls. Uh…oh, this is hard to explain…”

Fluttershy trails off. And it is her, unmistakably so. Or at least, her head. You’re kind of stunned. Yeah sure, Twilight, body parts everywhere and all that, but that doesn’t mean that seeing your friends severed head appear out of nowhere isn’t shocking. At least she doesn’t seem to be in any distress.

As you stand there slack jawed , you notice Twilight pick up Fluttershy with her magic and bring her up to her own face, looking more quizzical than worried.

“Fluttershy! Are you…ok? Relatively speaking?” she asks.

“Yes, I think so. It doesn’t hurt. But…can we go inside? This is,well, kind of embarrassing. What if anypony else sees me?” she asks, her teal eyes looking left and right as if onlookers were about to rush over. Twilight nods.

“Yes, yes, of course. Uh, thank you Derpy…hey, did you deliver my letters earlier?” she asks.

“Oh yes, I did! I even gave Fluttershy and Applejack theirs personally!” answered Derpy in a sing song way, her perpetual cheerfulness contrasting to the rather macabre sight of Fluttershy’s head floating in mid air. Twilight paused.

“Wait, Applejack too? Did you notice anything strange or off? She was meant to be here a while go.”

Derpy scrunched up her face in thought.

“Uuuummm…I remember thinking she seemed…happy? Sorry, you know how I get…”

“It’s ok.” Said Twilight, knowing better than to try and get more info out of this Pegasus. You say your goodbyes and enter the castle again, making a beeline for the map room. As you walk, Fluttershy tells you how she came to be just a head. Twilight is happy just to listen, and Pinkie seems to be taking the news rather well.

“Oooh, you look so cute like this! Like a little baby. But a head!” she says, bouncing around in her usual way. “Right, Spike?”

“Huh? Oh uh. You look…fine?” you say. Well, you can’t say she looks bad, but you feel strange complimenting her on being decapitated.

Fluttershy just looks mortified, trying to throw her bangs over her eyes by moving her head as best as she could, but mostly failing. You can see her windpipe and what must be her spine at the bottom of her neck, which is ragged and frayed. Not at all like Twilight when you sawed off her head, with a nice clean cut.

“This raises so many questions though!” says Twilight.” I don’t think even the Princesses would have predicted this. I need to test…no, I can’t…unless…” She trails off, lost in thought.

As you near the map room, it becomes apparent that there was another pair of hooves walking down the hall than the ones you could see.

“Hey, can you hear that?” you say. Everypony stops and listens to the hoofsteps. The gait seems rather unnatural to your ears. Forced and awkward, like someone learning how to walk. Very badly,at that. You can see Twilight’s brow constantly moving as she tries to make sense of this. She gently puts Fluttershy down so that the sound of her magic is no longer audible. She silently mouths the words “Be…quiet…” to you all
.
“OK!” says Pinkie Pie, her voice echoing through the castle. You and Twilight glare at her.

“Hello?” says a voice from down the corridors.

“Pinkie,darling?” says another, very similar voice, almost at the same time. You’d know that voice anywhere.

“Rarity? You ask.

“Oh,my little Spikey Wikey, hold on darling!”

“Oh,he’s yours is he? I thought he was ours.”

“Ah, beg pardon. I don’t mind sharing him with you.”

“My, how positively decadent”

What in Equestria was going on back there? Both voices sounded like Rarity all right, but something seemed..off. You walk over to where the voices appear to be coming from, and you’re aware of Twilight following you. You turn a corner and see her there, wearing a long blue sundress and a straw hat, standing on the left hand side. You also see her leaning against the right side wall, wearing a green and white stripped number and a plumed hat. You rub your eyes, not believing your good fortune.

“I don’t believe it…two Rarities!” you say, throwing your arms in the air in excitement. The Rarity on the left shakes her head.

“Ah, where that it would, Spike.”

“Indeed. The truth is…”

They start to approach you. You notice pretty much straight away that something was wrong with both of them. The way they kept to leaning against their respective walls. The wet, squelching noises you seemed to hear. The way they seemed strangely two dimensional as they slowly made their way towards you. They both stopped at the same time, and stood up straight. It dawns on you that they each only possess two legs-one at the front, and one at the back. As they start to turn, you put the horrible pieces together in your head. You stare at their heads as they turn to face each other.

“…it’s just one Rarity.”

“…but in two halves” they say, finishing their sentence. You can see everything-brain, skull and muscle, all on display. The two brain halves jiggle but stay in place. The rest of her body is obscured by the dresses they’re wearing, but you’re pretty sure you can see a loop of intestine poking out the bottom of the Rarity half in blue.

You hear a yelp behind you as Twilight arrives at the scene.

“Oh my goodness…Rarity?!”

“Yes, we’re here. And we’re…well, alive” say the Rarities, as one.

“But we both would like very much to have a lie down and a cup of something strong, please.”

“And some comfort food.”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Well…I’ll see what I can do.” Said Twilight. “You can tell us what happened in the map room. I think this may be a trend.”

“What do you mean, darling? Oh don’t tell us this happened to everypony else.”

“It’ll be awfully crowded if it is”

“No, no!” reassured the violet alicorn. “Well, it’s complicated. I’ll show you.”

You all walked back to the map room, where Pinkie had taken Fluttershy. The pink party pony was even more entertained by Rarity than she had been with the severed head she had been talking to.

“Hey, are you both Rarity, or are you like, two different Rarara’s? Do you know what the other’s thinking? Oh, oh, do you both have a different taste in fashion? Is that why you’re wearing different dresses? How did you get cut in half? Was it fun? Have you tried-“

“Pinkie, please, give her a chance to answer. Er, or…them, a chance to answer….” Said Twilight. The Rarities chuckled in stereo. They were sat next to each other, reclined and relaxed. In front of them was a plate of oatcakes and two cups of tea. They hadn't touched them yet,despite their request for something to eat and drink. Perhaps they were self-consious of how they would look eating in their current condition.

“Oh, it’s no harm. It’s best to think of this as an amusing and temporary diversion.” Said the blue-clad half, placing a certain emphasis on the word “temporary”.

“So don’t think too hard about it. We won’t, isn’t that right, me?”

“I’m exactly right. Now, as to how this business happened…”

The Rarities gave their side of the story. You make a mental note to get revenge on those diamond dogs at some point. You’re sure Twilight would gladly help out, given her outraged expression as she listens.

“…and after getting my bearings, well, my first thought was “I bet Twilight can fix this.” I did consider going over to the boutique and stitching myself back up, but I thought you might have some sort of explanation for this as well as a fix-you always do.”

“Well, I have my theories, but I’ll need to see the others first.

“Those Dogs better be careful though. I’m going to make sure they pay for this.” You say.

“I’m sure you will my brave defender, you. Oh, but the look on the poor mutt’s face…priceless, darling.” Laughs the right-side of Rarity.”

“I bet he SPLIT real fast, right?” says Pinkie. You all laugh. You all probably need it.

“How did you get here?” asks Fluttershy.

“Well luckily I had some emergency dresses stowed away in my bag-you never know when you might have to change into an airy cyan number, after all-and that helped to keep everything tidy, as it were. After that it was just a matter of willpower, really. As you laugh, though, you hear a knocking on the door.

“Hey, y’all in here?” says a muffled young voice. The door opens, and in walks Applebloom, holding a length of rope in her mouth as if she was towing something behind her. She was carrying a bag around her hip as well.

“Is Twilight here? I need-oh no, you all got messed up too!” she says. “Well, except for you, Pinkie.”

“Thanks!” chirped the older earth pony.

“Wait, what do you mean, “you too”? Is Applejack ok?” asks Twilight.

“See for yourselves”

“Apples…”

A shambling form enters the room, the rest of the rope that Applebloom was carrying around its neck like a leash. She might be without her trademark Stetson, but you could tell it was Applejack that was standing there, drooling and slightly cross-eyed. It wasn’t just her hat she was missing-the entire top of her head was missing, brain and all. She stood there, swaying from side to side, and muttering the same word periodically.

“Apples..”

“Oh dear.” Said the Rarities. “That’s really not a good look for her.”

“She’s an airhead!”

“Pinkie, that’s not very nice.”

“Sorry, couldn’t resist.”

Twilight walks over to the brainless earth pony, examining her. She sticks her hoof into the skull cavity, scrapes it around in there, then takes it out again, inspecting it, before frowning.

“Not even a hint of brain matter's left! What happened?”

“She fell off the barn we were building. Poor Big Mac’s laid up on the couch with fright-he found her like this. She’s all spaced out, but at least she ain’t…”

“You’ve been very brave, Applebloom. Did you manage to find her brain?”

“Oh, yeah, I made sure to gather up all the pieces into this”

Applebloom produces a clear jar from the bag. She holds it up and looks at it. “Oh, hey, look everypony!”

Everypony looks. It’s a brain, alright, just as she said. It looks remarkably intact, considering what she described.

“It’s reformed!”

Twilight slaps her own forehead and tuts to herself.

“Oh, how did I not realise that would work! If two pieces get placed back together, they’ll heal like nothing happened!”

“And you were going to tell us this when, exactly?” asked Left Rarity. Twilight grimaced.

“Sorry, sorry! I just got caught up in what was happening, I forgot!”

“Well…in any case, at least we know we can get back to normal whenever we want” said one half to the other.”

“Indeed. Let’s just see this out for now though.”

“Agreed”.

“Um, Twilight, what do you mean that you “forgot”?” says Fluttershy, who has up until now been content to quietly observe. “Did you know about this?”

“Well…I’ll get to that soon. Right now we’re still missing one other pony-“

“Oh thank Celestia you’re all here! Something terrible’s happened!”

As if on cue, Scootaloo busts into the room, holding a large grey bucket filled with…well, you have a pretty good idea what it’s filled with. And judging by the deadpan look on Twilight’s face, so does she.

“Let me guess: Rainbow Dash got hurt?”

“How did you know?” asks the orange filly, amazed. Then she looks around the room.” Oh. Is this something you’re all into now?”

“No, it’s-oh, forget it. Just put that bucket down and I’ll see what I can do.” Scootaloo placed the bucket down at the princess’s hooves. You curiously strain your neck and try to peek at the contents, but there’s a lid on the top of it that blocks the contents from view. You’re a little disappointed.

“S-She was trying out an obstacle course she had built…” said Scootaloo. She looked oddly nervous about something.

“Oh, you mean the super-mega-awesome deathcourse?” asked Pinkie,perking up. “Haha, I didn’t think she’d actualy go through with it, I was just joking! So that’s why she can fit into that little thing now?” she said, pointing her hood at the bucket.

“Uh, yeah…I put the pieces in there…”

“You’re sure you got her all?” asks Twilight.

“Y-Yes! Absolutely sure!” replies Scootaloo, wings extending a little. “Every last piece. Uh, listen, now that she’s here, can I go home now? I’m…kinda beat, is all” she says suddenly, rubbing one forelag against the other. If Twilight finds any of this odd, she doesn’t show it.
“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. Neither of you do. I know this must all seem pretty strange and scary, but everything’s going to work out fine Hey I know, why don’t you girls go and tell Sweetie Belle that her sisters ok? She might be worried. And thanks for all your help-we’ll take it from here.”

“Well…alright, if you say so.” Says Applebloom, staring at her big sister with concern. “I trust ya. Come on scoots, let’s go tell Sweetie Belle.”

“Yeah, right away. Bye everyone!”

“Give my regards to Sweetie, darlings?” say the Rarities, waving.

“Hey, don’t go spread this around!” implores Twilight as the two fillies make their exits. You kinda hope this doesn’t become a big news story. Something like this seems like it should be a private matter, to your mind at least. Twilight picks up the bucket with her magic, pries the lid off, and looks inside. Then she does something unexpected: She snorts with laughter. You wonder why she finds her friends state so funny…then a familiar, scratchy voice rings out:

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up. Just get me outta here.”

Twilight takes the bucket over to the central table and flips it over. Out slides a sky blue, bucket shaped mass of flesh, with an angry looking face looking up at the ceiling. It takes a few seconds for this to process before the rest of the room starts to giggle. Even Applejack manages a small chuckle, although you think she’s just reacting to the sound of laughter without understanding it. The bucket-shaped pony on the table is lifted up by magic so she can see everypony else. She starts to vibrate as she speaks.

“Oh stop laughing, you all look ridiculous as well!” she says, her face going red.

“You look like a jelly, Dash!” says Pinkie, between fits of giggles.

“Well, I’m not!” responds Dash, as a laughing Twilight sets her back down in the centre of the table. “And how come you got here ok?”
Pinkie suddenly freezes, eyes wide.

“..you’re right, Rainbow Dash” she says, standing . You all get to have fun going to pieces like this, and I’ve not even tried it!”

“What? Pinkie, this isn’t a game, don’t-“

Pinkie suddenly shoved an entire hoof down her own throat before Twilight or anyone else could stop her. She rummaged about for a few moments, as if searching for something. Then she pulled. What happens next goes past in a blur. For a moment it looks as if her body is physically deflating. Then something emerges from her throat. In a flash, Pinkie Pie launches her entire skeleton out of her body, sending it flying across the room. It lands with a thud against the far wall, and promptly falls to pieces, bones scattering like bowling pins. Her skin and organs deflate into a squishy ball on her chair.

You take this moment to survey the room. You look at the decapitated head of Fluttershy, staring at the mess of bones that lay around the floor. You see both of Rarities halves do a perfectly synchronized facehoof, sending a few inches of brain out of their skulls. Across from her stands Applejack, who doesn’t really react to this at all, other than cocking her head and staring at where the rest of Pinkie still was. You can see Rainbow looking around as she asks what the hell just happened, her vision limited to what’s directly above her.

And you look at Twilight, who is standing there with a look of exasperation on her face. She turns to you and shrugs, before addressing the rest of the room.

“Right. Well,uh…now that we’re all present, how about I explain what’s going on?”

There is a moment of silence before Rarity’s dead-pan voices echoes around the room.

“Do go on.”

“Can Pinkie hear us?” asks Fluttershy.

“Well if she can’t, then she has only herself to blame” says Twilight, simply. “Now, there’s something you all need to know about Alicorns. We are basically immortal. In every way.”

“Really? How come you’re in one piece then?” asks Rainbow.

“Well, that’s a good point Rainbow, and I did think that you may be skeptical. As such, I have taken the precaution of preparing a-“

As she was speaking, something blurred across Twilight’s throat. She gasped, and then her head tumbled off her neck and onto the floor, rolling to a stop at your feet. You stare at her as she takes in what happened, eyes looking up at you. Then you look across and see one of the Rarities levitating Pinkie’s spine in the air.

“Sorry, I just thought it was only fair.” She says, not sounding very sorry at all.

“She can still talk,right?” asks the other half. You pick up Twilight and set her on the table. You consider setting her on your lap, but that might set off some…unwanted reactions from your own body. Speaking of bodies, Twilight’s is still standing up somehow, even as a small stream of blood starts to leak out of her stump. It’s kind of impressive actually. You think about the photos you took. Guess you won’t be needing to show them after all…

“Urgh, yes, I can still speak” says Twilight,rolling her eyes. “But maybe warn me next time? Immortal or not, you can’t just cut my head off whenever you want.”

“Duly noted. Teehee.”

“Oh don’t be so mad, Twilight. No need to lose your head over it!” you say. The head on the table audibly suppresses a laugh before continuing.
“Now, as I was saying. It’s my belief that, because of our magical link through the Elements of Harmony, my immortality has spread to you all, too. It just happens that we’ve only discovered this all on the same day.”

“Pretty big coincidence” you say.

“Well, maybe. It’s kind of spooky how luck turned out. Maybe it’s destiny?” suggests Twilight.

“I don’t think I like this destiny.” Mutters Fluttershy.

“Either way, we should all be fine, as long as our bodies aren’t complete destroyed. Think of it as a blessing.”

“Yeah, I sure feel blessed” says the bucket-shaped Rainbow Dash.

“Apples” adds Applejack, insight-fully.

“Hmm…good to know, I suppose. It will make our next adventure seem much safer” say the Rarities. They stand up as one, throwing their dresses off, and keeping their insides in with magic. The left one takes the right one’s hoof. “Well, it’s been fun. Shall we?”

“Let’s”

They realign themselves carefully. In a matter of moments, you see the split between the two disappear. Rarity closes her eyes for a moment, and then opens them again.

“Well, that was fun. I must try that again for when I need a second opinion that I can trust. Still, it’s good to be back in one piece.”

“I would also like to be back in one piece, actually.” Says Fluttershy.

“Yeah, me too!” adds Dash

“But you are in one piece” you say. She wiggles in your direction like an angry, sentient flan.

“You know what I mean! Twilight, fix me already!”

Twilight strokes her chin thoughtfully.

“Well…it might be tricky. I think I can get you back to normal eventually, if my theories right. Pinkie’s just a matter of patience…”

“Apples” suggests Applejack,hopefully.

“And yes, somepony put her brain back in her head when you get a chance, she’s probably going stir crazy in that jar.” Says Twilight. “Fluttershy, you said your body was eaten by your animals?”

“That’s right. Is that a problem?”

“Well…I might have to research a spell for that. If the matter has been destroyed, that’s tricky…oh, I know! I’ll ask the princesses! I bet they know! Spike, come with me and prepare a letter. And Rarity, can you put Pinkie and AJ together again?”

“Of course, dear. After that I may go back to check up on Sweetie, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course, Rarity. Spike, can you put me back on my body!”

“Sure thing!” you say. You pick her head up and place it back on her body, the wound healing up in a matter of seconds. Twilight goes to take a step, then almost falls over. You look at her, then gulp.

“Oh.Uh, woops.”

Twilight stares back at you, annoyed, as the rest of her body faces in the opposite direction. You probably should have paid more attention when you were sticking her back on her neck.

“Sorry, Twilight, hehe…”

“Should I cut it off again?” offers Rarity.

“No, no more decapitations! Come on Spike, we have a letter to write. “

With that, she slowly walks out of the room, bumping into the door before she leaves. You follow her, sharing one last embarrassed look with everypony else before following her out. As you leave, you hear one final, inevitable word:

"Apples"

Author's Note

Writing the Rarities was extremely fun