Anatomy Lessons 2: Mane Six Edition

Luckily, it’s a fairly quick wait before Princess Celestia arrived. You spend the minutes pacing up and down, trying to reassure the others-and possibly yourself- that everything was going to be fine. The girls, reduced to head and leftover meat, seem rather anxious at how their little treat for Spike had met with an unexpected complication. The only one that seems calm about any of this was Twilight, and that was only because she no longer has a brain. You had moved her to the head of the table (such was your distress that you couldn’t even take the time to appreciate that quality pun), so that she was facing the girls and the dining room doors. The alicorn head just smiles lazily, giggling and drooling. It doesn’t really help with the tense atmosphere, if you’re being honest.

The door to the dining room suddenly opens after only about five or so minutes, bathing the room with a golden light, and in steps the graceful, looming figure of Princess Celestia herself. She walks forward, her face betraying no emotion as she takes in the room. First her eyes go to the leftover meals, then the severed heads, and you hastily try to turn around so that they were facing the princess. And finally there’s the babbling, empty head of her fellow princess and most cherished student, Twilight Sparkle. You watch her face, butterflies in your stomach. You’re unsure what sort of mood the ruler of Equestria will be in now that she’s seen what’s happened. You may have left out the exact details of what had went on. You quickly run your tongue along you teeth, hoping that there isn’t any brain stuck to them.

“P-princess Celestia!” you say, waving and putting on a big smile for the alicorn. “Haha, thanks for coming! So, about that little problem I mentioned-“ you stop as the princess’s stern face dissolves into a gentle laugh. The heads of the Elements exchange confused, if relieved looks with each other, or at least the ones they can actually see from their positon on the table, not being able to turn their heads.

“Ah, Twilight. A beginner’s error if I ever saw it.” Says Celestia, shaking her head and smiling. “Yes, this shouldn’t be too hard to fix. We had to develop a spell of our own to fix this.”

“You mean you and Princess Luna?” you ask. Celestia nods, walking up to Twilight, who sees her approaching and blows a raspberry in response.

“Hehehe, hello pretty white!” says Twilight, as Celestia stares at the hollowed out head of her former student. You bite your lip. Celestia had seen the funny side, but felt the need to clarify a few things.

“It wasn’t my idea!” you blurt out. “They made me do it!”

“Huh? Hey, don’t rat us out, Spike!” scowled Rainbow, although they were all now facing in the opposite direction, so all you see is the back of her head. “You said she was tasty!” Celestia looks at you as you wipe some sweat from your scales.

“Ummm, well, you see, haha, so funny story-“

“Spike, it’s quite alright. I imagine her brains really were very tasty” says Celestia, staring down into the purple princess’s skull. “I can tell you that Luna’s brain is quite a delicious treat, although it’s been a rather long time since I’ve had the chance to try them.” Behind them, hearing this, Pinkie Pie’s head begins to vibrate with excitement.

“Eeeeee, alicorn brains confirmed for being delicious!” she says, still vibrating in a way that makes you (and presumably Rainbow, who’s sitting next to her) a little worried. You think about the implications of what Celestia just told you.

“So you’ve eaten your own sister’s brain?” you ask. This provokes another one of her famous gentle chuckles.

“Ahhh, Spike. The stories I could tell you. We used to get up to all sorts of mischief. Let me tell you, a prank war between two immortal beings is quite an event.” Her horn starts to glow in golden hue, as she begins the process of reconstructing Twilight’s brain. “In fact, given that this might take a little while, how about I tell you all? I can remember some wonderfully amusing ones, but for some reason most ponies find those stories rather morbid.” She levitates the heads around with her magic. “Oh, would you like me to restore you all to your full selves?”

You eye the leftovers on the plate. They do still look pretty tasty, and if she were to restore the girls, it’d all disappear. Of course, you could always ask them to offer their meat again, right? Before you get to offer your opinion on this, Fluttershy speaks up, surprising you.

“We’re doing this as a favour for Spike, Princess. We don’t want all the remaining food to go to waste after we all worked so hard on our meals, right?”

“Yes, well said, Fluttershy” says Rarity. “I’m sure my soup will be fine reheated, after all.” The rest of the girls all agree unanimously on this, and you feel so happy and grateful to have such great friends.

“Aww, thanks, girls” you say, scratching the back of your head bashfully.

“Very well then.” Says Celestia, as her magic continues to slowly rebuild Twilight’s brain. “Hmm, let me think. Ah yes, I remember a particularly amusing one…”

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“Celestia? Sister? Are you in there?” came a voice from the hallway. Celestia had to suppress a giggle as she crouched to the side of the door, a hoof pressed against her mouth.

“I am, dear sister. Please, enter.” She said, a great big smile hidden behind her gold-plated hoof. The door to her quarters was slightly ajar, and perched on top of it was a metal bucket that seemed to be making a quiet sizzling sound. If it hadn’t have been for the enchantment Celestia had placed on the bucket to stop it from being dissolved, this entire prank would have been much harder to pull off. It was almost as essential as the reliable naivety of her younger sister.

Luna walked through the door and immediately saw Celestia crouched down on all fours, giggling like a filly.

“Sister, what on earth are-“

That was as far as she got before the bucket above the door lost its balance, and spilled its contents all over the Princess of the Night. Celestia immediately burst into laughter at the sight of her now positively drenched sister, who was wide eyed and startled.

“Gotcha! Hahahaha!” laughed Celestia, standing up and taking a few steps back from Luna. “Oh, I will cherish the look on your face for a long time. Which is just as well, because you shortly will not have one.” Luna frowned and went to enquire as to what this meant, only to find that it was getting very hard to hear on account of that sizzling noise that seemed to be going on all around her. And what was that odd feeling? She wiped her face with a hoof and examined it. It took a few seconds for her to realise she had just wiped most of said face off by accident, and that by this point her head was little more than a rapidly dissolving skull. Her brain was able to conjure up one strong thought before the acid reached it:

“This means war”

Celestia watched as her sister’s head was melted into a pile of sludge by the acid, leaving nothing but a raggedy stump and a greeny-red pool by the alicorn’s hooves. The now headless body attempted to come towards her, staggering left and right as much as it managed forwards, before eventually slumping over, rear raised up into the air, one leg twitching randomly. Celestia couldn’t stop giggling as she levitated the slush that used to be her sister’s head into the bucket, wondering if the alicorn was still conscious.

“I know you probably can’t hear me, but for the record-that was for the whoopee cushion prank. That was uncalled for, and this is your just desserts. I think I’ll let you stew in there until you’ve learned your lesson…” the princess gave the bucket a little rattle, smiling into the murky depths…

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You and the girls sit in rapt silence as she finishes her tale, with the exception of Twilight Sparke who was trying every vowel one at a time and laughing at them all in turn. Her sense of humour is a lot more morbid than you’d been led to believe, but given the circumstances, you’re not sure anypony else here is in a position to judge. Pinkie is the first to speak.

“Wow, I need to remember that one!” she says, installing a primal fear of doors in you that you think will never quite leave. You turn and look at Rainbow, who is looking similarly inspired. Perhaps letting Celestia tell these stories was a bad idea…

“Haha, that’s pretty crazy!” you tell Celestia, who smiles and waves a hoof bashfully, although you suspect she’s actually quite enjoying telling ponies about her pranking days.

“Oh, that was just a little thing. I restored her the next day. Her body was just getting in the way, really.”

“Riiight.”

“Um, what was that about a whoopie cushion prank?” asked Fluttershy. “That sounds like a funny one.” Now Celestia genuinely does look a little embarrassed.

“Ah. Yes, well, as I said, it was Luna who started the war really. I was just dispensing justice.”

“By dumping a bucket of acid on her head? Over a whoopie cushion?” says Applejack, skeptically. “Sounds like a kinda over the top response, if you ask me.” You nod your head at this, although already you’re thinking that this probably wasn’t the classic “sit on a cushion, make a fart noise” kind of prank.

“Ah, then let me fill you in on what exactly what happened” says Celestia. “I feel like you’ll understand then…”

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Today was an important day in Canterlot, as Celestia was set to announce the start of a brand new festival. The locals were in fits of excitement trying to work out what it was going to be. A celebration of the nation? A historical recreation of some sort? An excuse for her to eat cakes all day? Any of these options would be roundly applauded. Celestia really could do no wrong in their eyes. She was the ruler who would considered a 99% approval rating to be a deep, personal failure. Luckily such a thing was unthinkable, and an eager crowd assembled outside the castle, ready for her announcement.
Celestia wandered out onto the balcony, and into the glorious sunshine of the afternoon which was bathing hundreds of her loyal subjects in golden rays. They were all looking up, cheering and stomping their hooves as she came into view. Celestia was ever so grateful for their adulation, and soaked in their attention and love like a flower taking in the sun. She raised a single hoof, and the crowd fell silent, waiting with baited breaths for the princess to speak. Celestia opened her mouth.

“Pppppfffffffff” she said. Then she frowned, and tried again. “Ppffft pffft…..prp.”

Ponies in the crowd below looked at each other, not being entirely sure how to react to this. Celestia continued to open her mouth, her face visible straining as she tried to speak, but all that came out was a series of what sounded like…well, farts. The guards who stood just behind her moved their eyes towards each other by a tiny fraction, a move which betrayed their deep unease at this turn of events.

Celestia turned around, red in the face both from her efforts to speak and sheer embarrassment. And there, standing out of sight of the crowd in the doorway to the balcony, was her sister. She was holding something up in her magic. It was a pair of lungs. Luna shook them about and winked. “Missing something?” she mouthed silently. Celestia launched an angry fart noise in her direction, and Luna slunk off giggling.

Turning back round to the patiently waiting crowd, who were beginning to question whether or not they liked this new idea for a festival, Celestia gestured to the crowd to wait before rushing off back into the castle. The first thing she was going to do was remove her new “lungs”, which she suspected had been traded for whoopie cushions during her sleep. The second thing she would do is shove them down Luna’s throat.

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“Wow, and I thought putting a whoopie cushion under Fluttershy’s seat that one time was bad” says Rainbow Dash.

“Could we all just stop saying the word “whoopie” now, please?” requests Rarity. “You’ve all said it so many times in the last ten minutes that it’s lost all meaning, and it’s just a meaningless syllabic couplet now. Whoopie. Whoo-pie…” she trails off, still mouthing the word out.

You take a peek into Twilight’s head. Slowly but surely the brain inside was growing back! Twilight has stopped muttering and babbling, instead seeming as though she’s having a nice sleep, snoring gently with her eyes closed. Celestia notices you staring.

“We’ll still be a little while, Spike.” She says. “It’s been a while since I’ve had to do this actually.”

“Tell us more stories!” says Pinkie, with great enthusiasm. “What was the next prank! Did Luna get you back for the bucket prank?”

“Yes, she did. I thought the matter was settled after melting her skull, you see, and was not on my guard. This proved rather costly…”

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Celestia was, obviously, a morning person-she had never missed a sunrise after all-but that did not always mean that she was 100% on her game when she was still waking up. After pulling herself from her bed, she quickly put on her regalia and brushed her hair, staring into mirror without really taking a good look at herself-she was just going through the motions of getting ready to raise the sun. After that she’d feel like the day had officially begun, but until then it was still technically the time of her sister, Luna, and that meant Celestia was still a tiny bit asleep.

As she moved, a tiny part of her brain seemed to register that something was not quite right. Was it in the way she was moving? A certain wrongness in how her joints seemed so stiff? But then again, it was the morning, and that wasn’t uncommon. It was just her imagination, she told herself, before leaving to get on with the day.

Luna was waiting in the usual place. Normally she would also look very tired for the opposite reason, i.e that she was ready for bed. Today there was a subtle sparkle in her eye, a certain spring in the way that she eagerly greeted her sister. All of this went way over Celestia’s head.

“Good morning, dear sister” said Celestia, smiling at the dark-blue alicorn. “A pleasant night for you, I hope.”

“Oh, yes, most pleasant” replied Luna, grinning broadly as Celestia approached. “I must admit, though, that I will be glad when you raise the sun and relieve me of my duties.”

“Of course, Luna.”

“So, if you could just…get on with that, that would be most grand” she continued. Celestia nodded understandingly. It was a long shift, she was sure. Celestia herself was always happy at the chance to go and rest after a long day serving the kingdom. So she thought nothing of her sister’s eagerness to have the sun raised. Concentrating, Celestia’s horn lit up, and she started the process she had been doing for countless years now.

As light began to flood the land of Equestria once more, Celestia felt a strange feeling in her joints again. But it was different from before. It wasn’t the usual morning stiffness. In fact it felt like the opposite, like her joints were loose. Far too loose, actually. Raising one of her hooves, Celestia noticed a thin red line going right through it. This was followed by a snort from Luna, who was now holding up a very sharp looking knife and a half-empty pot of glue with her magic.

“Did you think I had forgotten the acid, dear sister?” she said, a vindictive glint in her eye. “Oh my, that sun is awfuly hot this morning. Do be careful the glue holding you together doesn’t melt”

“What-“

Echoing what had happened to her sister after being doused with acid, Celestia had no time to react before the effects of the prank took hold. One by one, parts of her body began to fall off as her own sun, which he had raised herself, proved to be her own undoing as it melted the glue that was indeed holding her together. Luna had sliced through her knees, shoulders, tail, her neck,horn, even her skullcap, and everything collapsed into a pile of princess. Celestia’s rolled to a stop by the hooves of her triumphant sister, who picked them up without magic and grinned into her face.

“You are making this far too easy, sister.” She said, smugly. Celestia frowned.

“This is very, very petty, Luna. You will regret this when I am restored.” Luna just laughed at this.

“Oh, is that so? I think not. You are simply not in my league. Pray reflect on your failures until I am finished eating your breakfast, dear sister.”

With that, Luna popped Celestia’s head down on the ground. Celestia continued to protest, at least she did until Luna decided to stick her severed horn right into her brain, causing the beloved princess’ face to go cross eyed and start drooling. Satisfied, Luna walked off. She had a meal to enjoy now…”

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“Many good soldiers were lost as a result of my sisters unprovoked attack” says Celestia, shaking her head sadly.

“Really?” you ask.

“Well, toast soldiers. And I probably would have eaten anyway” admits the princess. “But what you need to understand is that you do not get between me and my breakfast.”

“Oh man, this is gonna be awesome.” Says Rainbow Dash, her head somehow rocking slightly in anticipation. “I bet she like, inflated her up like a balloon or something.”

“Hehehe, or baked her into a Moon Pie!” offers Pinkie, getting everyone else in a guessing mood.

“Did ya put a parasprite in her ear or somethin’?”

“Turn her inside out?”

“Or like, shoot her into outer space so she landed on the moon-“

Your claws fly to your hands as you realise that that last one probably hit a little too close to home. There’s an awkward silence that lasts uncomfortable long as everyone looks away, not wanting to say anything. Finally, Celestia clears her throat and continues, mercifully breezing past your faux-pas and carrying on as if it had never happened. “Unfortunately, things rather came to a head a week after it, when afterwhen after lulling her into a false sense of security, I hatched a devious plan. I now realise, looking back at it with wiser eyes, I had not thought out my cunning plan as well as I could have. And there were complications..."

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Celestia sat at the dining table, feeling at once very tired and fully awake. Luna was to join her shortly, having finished her shift, and no doubt wanting to both enjoy a snack before bed and do some light, friendly gloating over her apparent victory in the great prank wars. The ivory alicorn chuckled evilly to herself as she eyes the bananas lying invitingly in the table. Oh, what a surprise her sister would get when she went to peel one, and found a stick of dynamite waiting for her instead, which Celestia would promptly detonate with her magic. Celestia had even taken the precaution of replacing every single banana there with dynamite to ensure Luna’s downfall. And also because she had been hungry at the time. But mostly for revenge.

She heard heavy footsteps approaching, and put on her invincible poker face as Luna entered, looking particularly tired.

“How fared the night, Luna?” asked Celestia. Luna merely grunted in response. It must have been a particularly hard shift as her sibling wasted little time in seating herself, reaching for a banana with her magic. Celestia had to use all her willpower not to snicker right there on the spot. She had to be patient, and then victory would be hers.

“Banana.” Said Luna, simply. In the first day or so after the glue incident, Luna had ferverantly checked any and all foodstuffs, offered items, beds, chairs and occasionally ponies (to mixed reactions from the staff) for any lurking trap. After a couple of days she had stopped trying, and even stopped mentioning her pranks entirely. Truly, Celestia had been wise indeed to wait until now, when her guard had been sufficiently lowered. She leaned forward ever so slightly as the banana inched closer to her face…and then disappeared inside her mouth, peel and all. “Yum.” Muttered the princess of the night, having apparently not even bothered to chew. She did, at this point, notice Celestia staring at her. “Mmm?”

“You…that is a disgusting habit, sister. And not healthy.” Scolded Celestia, who was now unable to detonate the dynamite.Luna just shrugged.

“We’re immortal, sister. It’s fine.”

“I am well aware, given what happened last week.”

“Indeed. And I’d like to apologise for that.” Said Luna, catching Celestia by surprise. “I was being very immature. Replacing your sisters lungs with whoopie cushions is hardly the behaviour of a princess.” Luna sighed, rubbing her tired face-but her contrition was clear. Celestia could see that her tiredness had been more than just physical malaise, now-guilt had been weighing her down. “I hope you can forgive me for my foalish actions. If you wish to prank me in return, I will raise no objection-“

Luna was interrupted mid-sentence as Celestia embraced her sister in a tight hug. “Oh, Luna, of course I forgive you! I know you meant no harm. Consider the matter settled.” The alicorns wrapped each in their hooves for a few seconds, before Celestia spoke again. “I should tell you though; I might have put a stick of dynamite in that banana you just ate.”

“A…a what?!”

“Oh, don’t worry, it wasn’t lit. I find it very unlikely that it would detonate now-“

*BOOM*

A few servants immediately rushed into the room to find it was now decorated with princess parts. Limbs, organs and blood were sprayed randomly across the room, with an area in the middle scorched black. By the doorway was Luna’s head, minus everything below her eyes, staring furiously across the room at Celestia’s own head, which was missing the back part. The elder sister looked at the servants as, with a certain degree of weary experience, they began picking up stray parts. They lifted up Luna, only to stop as her brain fell out of her head with a wet schlurping sound and fell to the floor.

“Ah, yes, my apologies for this.” Said Celestia, as a piece of entrail detatched itself from the ceiling and fell on her head. “The good news is that we have put our differences aside now, and there will be no more pranks of this nature.”

“That is wonderful to hear, Princess.”

“The bad news is that there’s 5 more sticks of dynamite over there on the table. Do be a dear and get rid of them.”

“Of course, princess.”

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“What would have happened if those other banana bombs had went off?” you ask.

“Well, we would have grown back eventually, but my that would have been a pretty boring century or so” answers Celestia. She looks over at Twilight. “Oh, look, we’re almost finished!” You look over and see that Twilight seems to have her brain back entirely, although it still look as though she’s sleeping. The glow of Celestia’s horn intensifies as she concentrates, until there’s a flash, and standing before you is a whole-again Princess Twilight Sparkle, wings extended majestically. She looks upon you and the rest of the girls, as well as the beaming countenance of her mentor.

“Potatooooooes” says Twilight, before sticking her tongue out and waving it around, giggling. Celestia slaps her head with her hood.

“Oh, drat, I forgot. This happens when the brain gets destroyed, hold on…” the princess concentrates again, her horn lighting up once more before a golden aura surrounds Twilights head. She stops giggling, and her eyes go haywire for a few seconds, before blinking a few times. Then she gasps.

“Princess Celestia! When did you get here?! Oh, my head…what happened again?” she says, rubbing her brain with her hood before stopping at the touch. It seems to click for her. “Oooh…right..” she said, blushing furiously as her memories returned. “Um, well, you see, uh…” Celestia interrupts the blustering Twilight with a gentle shake of her head.

“It’s OK, Twilight, I’ve told you my little stories before-you know what happens when immortal creatures get bored.” Says Celestia. “But really, you need to be more careful when destroying your brain. That’s not quite so simple to fix.” Twilight’s ears droop and she bows her head.

“I was sure I had it figured out. I had my regeneration spell on a timer, but I didn’t take into account the fact that total brain destruction effectively cancels out any spellcasting, even prepared ones like that. I really messed up. What if you’d been unavailable?”

“Aw, chin up Twi! No harm no foul, right?” says Applejack.

“Yes, indeed” agrees Rarity. “I’m sure Princess Luna would have been more than happy to assist us.”

“Even if it would mean waiting until nightfall…” adds Fluttershy. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind. We’ve got plenty of food…” That reminds you actually, now that the immediate problem of Twilight has been fixed. You need to save all this delicious pony-meat before it goes to waste!

“I need to get some Tupperware or something before all your food goes to waste. Thanks so much, Princess Celestia!” you say, quickly bowing before going off to fetch some containers. You still had some ribs, soup, Flutter-haggis, Pinkie Pie Pie, Dash-Dogs…you pause by her part of the table. Oh, yeah. Her marebits were still right there on the table. Hmm…well, she did say she wanted you to enjoy her meat. Guess you’ll hold her too that. You wonder what would work best-grilled, or fried?

“Hey, you OK Spike?”

“Uh, yeah hehe, just thinking. Be right back!”