Deadpool: Equestria's Hero?

'Yep! That's how we got rooms in this crystal castle, or as I like to call it, blatant merchandising. Seriously, there is no reason why this place is so fucking huge! There are hallways within hallways, and probably secret compartments in the utility closet. That mare needs to make a goddamn map for this place.'

'Anyway, with introductions out of the way, we were put into our rooms. For some bizarre, the Sun was already setting and even fell down like it would at the end of a freaking cartoon, where it was literally lowering itself behind a hill and slowly moved even as you looked at it. Also, word of advice, do not look directly at the Sun. Your eyeballs would explode, luckily yours truly can learn that lesson to teach!'

'At least they know my powers...'

"Ah, fuck! My eyes!" Deadpool yelled, rubbing his burning eyelids. They were almost in flames and were bloodshot red. He lowered his head and got to his knees.

"Deadpool, are you alright?" Twilight asked. The ponies all gagged once they saw his burning eyeballs through his lenses, which were now dark red instead of blank white.

The mercenary turned away, "Give me a moment..." with a sharp inhale he calmed himself, feeling his eyes turn back to normal and his eye holes on his mask turning back to their usual white. The Equestrains took a step back.

"W-What happened?" Fluttershy asked through a whisper.

"Healing factor! I can't get hurt!"

"Oh..." Rainbow muttered.

'Unfortunately, the ponies had to watch. It wasn't pretty.'

'So, after that incident, I went in bed what with it being late. You may ask yourself, what does Deadpool even dream about? Well, you're in for a treat! Because I'm about to have a dream chapter!'

"Aw, yeah! Strike!" Deadpool cheered, shooting through the generic mooks within his dream. "I love dreaming!" he turned his head again to get a closer look at something, "Oh hello again dear readers. You might be wondering where we're at now..."

As a goon came closer to him with a charge, Deadpool causally shot him in the head with a single shot, not even turning around, "This is my dream! So freaking cool, right? And the best part is, since we're in cartoonland now, I can do whatever the hell I want in here!"

With a snap of his fingers, Deadpool teleported behind another goon, driving his sword through his back. "Yep! Teleportation! Something tells me I should get something like that when the time comes. Maybe I can get a 'BAMF' belt with Nightcrawler's powers..." he paused, "Hm... Maybe later."

"Plus! I can do this! Get ready for the coolest cameo you'll ever see!" with a wave of his hands, Deadpool summoned a cardboard cutout of another hero, clad in leather black and with metal claws protruding from his wrists. "Shit! I still can't afford to use Wolverine? Come on, dream! This is where the cool shit was supposed to happen! He's not even in the yellow costume!"

Deadpool then heard static, and soon heard a gruff voice come through with slight static in the background, "I'm the best there is at what I do. But what I do best isn't very nice." hearing the voice come from the cutout of Wolverine, Wade looked behind it and saw a tape-recorder taped to his back and pulled it out, hearing the same quote.

In anger, he threw down the tape recorder and stepped on it. "That was a recycled voice clip too! This dream is so cheap!" he folded his arms and huffed, "Man, so much for the badass Wolverine cameo. We were supposed to kick ass and have an epic fight scene together and everything."

Deadpool caused the cutout to vanish, "Oh well."

Snickering, Deadpool raised both of his blades, having removed the one through the mook. He saw another army of generic bad guys storming through, "Bring it on, fuckers!" he chanted, running towards them with confidence.

"For myself!" yelled the mercenary.

As Deadpool and the army of bad guy soldiers neared each other, the assassin saw a bright light come in, causing the villains to vanish. "Aw, come on! Right before the epic battle?" he looked up, remembering to shield his eyes.

"What is this dream?" a regal voice asked.

Deadpool saw the light fade, and a blue alicorn descended down to the streets that made up his dream. "I have not seen such a creature like yourself before..." she admitted, "Who are you?"

"Sir Deadpool, miss. Hailing from the planet called Earth, I'm somewhat human, and part mutant. Wait, how the fuck did you end up in my dream? Who the hell are you anyway?" Deadpool greeted and promptly asked in serious confusion.

"I am Princess Luna. I came in here caused I sensed major chaos within this realm. At first, I thought it was Discord pulling another prank on me, but it seems you have a... creative mind. You see, as Princess of the Night, I am able to travel within the dream realm, and go into the dreams of the ponies to aid them. I see I was incorrect when I came in here. My apologies, Mister Deadpool."

The Merc with a Mouth laughed it off, "Ah, it's cool. So, is that why you have a moon on your butt?"

Luna blushed, "Why were you looking there?"

Deadpool shrugged, "It's a moon tattooed to your butt for all to see. Plus, I think you pony-folk might secretly be a nudist colony, so you just have asses out and about. But who am I to judge?"

With a huff, Luna explained, "If you must know, it is a cutie mark. Everypony gets one on their flank when they discovered their true purpose."

"Right. Existentialism and all that junk." Deadpool put a finger on his chin, "I wonder what I would look like as a pony?"

At that moment, something appeared within the dream realm as a result of his imagination. It was a stallion, no horns or wings, he wore a red and black suit and had guns and swords strapped to his barrel. On his flank, was a sword with a picture of his mask in front of it. "Huh. I guess that answers that question." the pony waved and then vanished.

Luna smiled, "You really do have quite the active mind, Deadpool. It seems you are a rather friendly individual." she looked around and saw the bodies of the goons he killed in his dream and frowned, "What is all this?" she asked.

The mercenary laughed nervously, "Oh, this?" he gestured to the corpses. "Nothing, just an art piece. And some pent up issues. They're bad guys, so nothing at all." he assured through a thin lie. "Say... I was about to have an epic battle with the army of Weapon X soldiers, you wanna join me?"

Luna shook her head, "No, I cannot. I must return and make sure my subjects have a good night's rest. Perhaps we'll meet in the real world soon enough." she unfurled her wings and took to the skies, vanishing through a door in midair. "Farewell."

Deadpool blinked, "...Alright." he held out his katanas again, the army rematerializing into existence. All of them yelled swears and planned to kill Deadpool there. "More for me then!"

"Like I said before. Bring it on, fuckers!"

The two sides charged and came close to each other. Deadpool stabbed through three guys and swiftly shot two more fatally. It was the start of quite the epic battle.

But then Deadpool woke back up in his bed, hearing some loud noise, a chicken outside his window. The conversation took all night apparantly. He sat up and yelled, "Damn it!"