Deadpool: Equestria's Hero?

'So, yeah. That's how I ended up in this cutesy world. Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead fucked things up and now we're stuck in a parallel dimension until we can figure out how this god-forsaken science crap works.'

'There we were, on top of some magic table made of glass or some crap and there were seven ponies and a god damn baby dragon just sitting there. A freakin' baby dragon! You gotta admit, the fact there was a dragon is awesome!'

'Heh. I still remember every word I said.'

"...Shit! Fuck! Damn it! Son of a bitch!" Deadpool seemed to have gone through every swear word and appeared to have droned on for minutes already, "Mother fucking Christ on a cracker!" he kicked the air for no reason.

Colossus raised his hands, "Calm down, Deadpool. Now is not the time for swearing." he tried to ease the Merc with a Mouth, to no avail once again.

Deadpool raised an accusing finger at the two X-Men, "Cut the shit, Colossus! If you two hadn't decided to show up out of nowhere, this wouldn't have happened!"

Negasonic crossed her arms, "Maybe if you hadn't acted like such a douche this wouldn't have happened. It's your braindead attitude that got us here."

"Oh, so now it's my fault, huh?" Deadpool yelled.

"Actually..." Colossus began, "I agree with Negasonic. You have acted immature. Perhaps the Snickers chocolate can calm you down." he dug into his pocket and pulled out a chocolate bar.

His masked eyes narrowed, Wade snatched the bar out of the metal X-Man's hands and raised his mask a iittle, taking a bite out of it. "Huh. You're right. Y'know, Colossus. Even though you've done nothing of value in the other movies, you're a-okay in my book." he said in a calm tone and patted the confused metal man on the shoulder.

"...What?"

"So, you willing to get these rainbow horses back on track? Looks like you broke their brains. Typical first impression." Negasonic muttered under her breath.

Deadpool gave a thumbs up, "Alright, random cute ponies! Do not worry, I am here for no discernable reason! Now, do any of you have a back-scratcher?"

The ponies and dragon all closed their agape jaws. The cyan mare with a rainbow mane held her hooves to her head. "W-What the hay is even going on?! We were just having a friendly chat and then you decide to show up? What even are you?"

The mercenary extended a hand. "Pool. Dead. Those are my sidekicks Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead." he gestured to the yellow-clad X-Men, "The only X-Men we can afford even though this is a god-damn fanfiction and not a movie. We also hail from the planet known as Earth."

"Sidekick?" Negasonic questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Negasonic Teenage Warhead..." the pink one gasped, "That is, like, the coolest name ever!"

Deadpool clapped his hands together, "I know right?!"

The pony with wings and a horn shook her head, "Wha-"

"Easy, princess pony. Don't think too hard. We showed by some science mumbo jumbo that warped us here and it totally wasn't me that did it fyi." Deadpool added with a raised finger, "Now, maybe if I learn your names we'd be better."

"T-Twilight S-Sparkle..." Twilight muttered, confused.

Each of them went around and gave their names: Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Starlight Glimmer and the dragon Spike.

Colossus smiled, "It is the pleasure to meet you all. We apologize for having this, uh, meeting like this."

Spike waved a hand, "Don't worry. You actually made things more interesting. I was kinda getting bored just sitting here listening to these conversations."

"Well, I'm glad to have brightened your day. That's what we at Deadpool and Co. Are all about." the red-clad vigilante nodded to the dragon sincerely.

"What are you even talking about?" Starlight asked.

Negasonic sighed, "Don't bother trying to figure this nutcase out. His brain is as small as a peanut."

"Hey, I'll have you know my brain is more the size of a baseball!" countered the Merc with a Mouth.

"I dunno, he and I think alike!" Pinkie said.

Deadpool slid on the table and wrapped an arm around the pink mare, "Something tells me you and I are gonna get along just fine, Pinkster."

"So, Colossus, Negasonic," Twilight hoped to change the subject to something a little more coherent. "Are you friends with mister... Deadpool?" she asked.

"Friends? I just so happen to get stuck dealing with him." the teenager commented. "Every week it's something new coming from him. It's a guessing game."

"We are more like... allies to Deadpool." Colossus added, "I only wish to teach him values to be good hero. I offered him to be in the X-Men countless times to help, but he refused."

"He refused? Wait... What are the X-Men?" Applejack questioned.

"Team of mutants. Basically an excuse to wear the same uniform." Negasonic replied.

"That would explain the yellow. Might I suggest leather black?" Rarity chimed in.

Deadpool chuckled, "You should've seen them before the prequel/sequel/reboot, they refused to wear anything with color." he pointed to the X-Men with him. "But luckily the studio got their act together and realized, 'hey they're superheroes let's give them actual superhero costumes'."

Twilight groaned, "Again! None of us have any idea of what you're talking about!"

"Twilight. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma. No one could make sense of my genius." teased Wade, a smile forming under his mask.

"Genius? More like stupidity..." Negasonic muttered under her breath.

"Negasonic..." Colossus muttered. He cleared his throat, "So, what shall we do as long as we're here? There must be a way back to home dimension."

"There's plenty of space here..." Twilight whispered. "Just don't make a mess. Please."

"No promises!" Deadpool yelled. "I'm gonna throw the sickest house party!"

"Can I plan it? We need to welcome you three after all!" Pinkie said, patting Wade on the shoulder.

Laughing, Deadpool nodded, "Pinkster. You can do whatever you want! Party at my place! But first things first, where's the potty? I gotta drop one before it falls to the floor!"

Twilight called out. "Oh sweet Celestia, what have I done?"

"Oh brother..." Colossus and Negasonic said at the same time.

Starlight planted her head on the table, "What is happening?"