It’s not everyday you have tea with a pink pony from another dimension, all in the comfort of your own dining room at some ungodly hour in the morning.

But it wastoday.

At Five AM.

On a Saturday.

I sat at my dining room table, teacup pressed against my lips and eyes pointed across the table. Seated on the other side was my latest visitor and newest roommate:

“Candice—”

“Oh stars... “ She fell forwards out of her chair, her head crashing against my dining room table with a thud, and her hooves hiding her face away.

I stopped sipping my tea but didn’t move it away from my mouth. Instead, I cocked a brow. “I’m guessing it’s not Candice?”

Uncovering herself from her forelegs, she groaned and sat back up in her chair. She looked at me. “Cadance,” she said, offering a weak smile.

I nodded. “Cadence.”

Down she goes again. That’s gotta hurt. “Celestia dammit!” she cried. “I hate my life!”

I shrugged, putting my teacup back on its saucer, “Yeah, I guess I’d hate my life too if I was warped into another dimension by my Sister-in-Law.”

The pink pony peered up at me, face ungluing from the table. “Dude, It’s Cadance.”

“I know, that’s what I said. Cadence.”

She quickly propped herself up on the table, her forelegs holding her up, “No, it’s Cadance. Kay-dance. K, then dance as in like, the waltz or some junk.”

I nodded in understanding, but stopped mid-nod, and my forehead tensed in confusion. “Wait,” I said, “isn’t your name Cadenza? Your 'princess' name or whatever?”

“It is,” she said, uncertainty in her voice.

“Well, then wouldn’t Cadence make more sense? Y’know, since it’s spelled with an 'e,' not an ‘a.’”

She blinked. It was as if she’d just gotten a joke that she’d been left out of for years. “I…” A beat. “My Stars…”

“So,” I said, and she snapped her attention to me. “Cadence, then?”

She sighed, and gave me the most “done” expression I’d seen so far. To think I could be even more disappointing. “I-I don’t know. I guess not?” she said, “I guess with the a and the e—it’s Cadance not Cadence, so I guess that’d make sense? I don’t know.” She hung her head in defeat.

It was adorable.

“Welp,” I took another sip from my tea, “Cadence it is!”

She glared at me.

I winked, my smug grin unwavering.

Cadance stuck her tongue out at me in an attempt to be mean, but I burst out laughing. She tried her hardest to keep a straight face. “I hate yo—” she started, but broke into a giggle fit halfway through.

I snorted, “I imagine that’s quite uncharacteristic of a horse with a crystal heart stamped on her ass.” She rolled her eyes. “Oh right. ‘Princess of Love,’ too,” I said, accompanied by air quotes.

She shrugged. “You’d be surprised—different kind of love anyways.”

My grin grew wider.

“Stop,” Cadance said.

“Princess of Love, eh?”

“Don’t make this creepy.”

“Does that mean—”

“Finish that and I pierce your testicles with a thousand crystal needles.”

I stopped, eyes widened and face pale.

“Hmph,” she said in triumph. “I thought so.”

Note to self: pretty pink pony has the ability to pierce you dead with crystals. Be afraid, be very afraid.

“Anyways…” I said awkwardly, then taking an even more awkward sip from my teacup. “Remind me why you’re here again?”

She pressed her lips in a fine line, and rubbed the back of her neck with one of her hooves, “Riiiiiight. That.” She rolled her shoulders back and exhaled, “You see, there’s this mirror… in my castle. And my Sister-in-Law, Twilight, was messing around with it, and I may have slipped and, well, fallen into it.”

“Right, you told me that part,” I said. “But you didn’t tell me how falling into a mirror equates to ending up in another world. Or is it universe? Dimension?”

“Dimension,” Cadance confirmed. “And it’s half a mirror and half an interdimensional portal.”

My eyes fluttered. Then a stare. “So, you just keep a mirror—that happens to be, what, an interdimensional portal—laying about? No guard rails. No caution tape. It just kind of sits there.”

She moved a hoof to cover her newly-formed blush. “Uh… yeah.”

“That… is quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard—wow. That sounds like one of those ridiculous things thoughtless cartoon characters do.” Her eyes narrowed even more. “What? I’m not wrong.”

Cadance relinquished another sigh. “Anyways. Usually, it would send me to our nearest dimension. One, other ponies have visited before. But since Twilight was messing with things this time I guess it just… didn’t?” I leaned in. “So, I’m stuck here until the portal opens back up—which should happen where it initially did—”

“My bed?”

“Let’s not talk about it.”

I chuckled, grin restored.

“But yes, the portal should open back up in your bedroom. Specifically the tacky mirror above your bed—”

“Hey! It’s not tacky!”

“Who has a mirror, above their bed?”

“I do!” I said, crossing my arms and grumbling under my breath.

“Right,” Cadance snarked. “Anyways, knowing Twilight, I’ll be saved in no time.”

“‘Saved.’”

“Yes, saved from a hairless ape that can conveniently speak Equestrian, but is also tragically stupid.” She smirked devilishly.

I scoffed. “Please, I’m not going to take anything from a unicorn who tripped into a mirror of transdimensional travel and thought it was a good idea to leave it out in the open in the first place.”

Hoof tapping the table, she narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” A pause. “Wait, did you say Unicorn?”

Sipping my tea, I nodded slightly.

“Well, if you didn’t notice.” She flapped open a pair of wings, pink feathers with a fading purple on the tips. “I’m not.”

I remained stoic for a moment. “So… you’re a winged unicorn?”

Cadance frowned. “No. I’m an Alicorn. The wings and the horn.”

My face contorted in confusion. “Acorn?” That has to mean something totally different in horse talk.

She unleashed a sharp sigh, and pressed her hooves against her temples. “Alico—”

“—Hey, I’m not judging you if you’re an acorn. I’m open to anything right now. I mean, hell, there’s a talking unicorn having tea with me.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Oh, acorn, I’m sorry.”

“Alicorn!” she shouted, throwing her hooves to the sky frantically.

“Allah’s corn, wha—ahhhh, what the hell!” My still rather hot tea splashed all over my face, in my eyes included, and my teacup was wrapped in a crystal blue aura. “Whyyyy?”

Cadance growled. “I’m done with this—where do you keep the good Scotch?” She hopped off the chair and walked into the kitchen.

Meanwhile, I toppled onto the floor and writhed in agony, clutching at my simmering face. “Aaaaaah—it’s in the cabinet by the fridge.” I reached for a towel on the edge of the table and wiped my face. “Ice is in the freezer.”

Silence.

“Soda’s in the freezer, too. Not sure if you do that. Some people do.”

“Feel free to stop talking at absolutely anytime,” she said, the cabinet door slapping into the drywall.

“What, some people do it—”

“Hey, remind me, before you say something that makes me want to scream into a void,” she said, “what’s your name?”

“Scott.”

She nodded. “Do you have any weed, Scott?”

I stared at her confused. “What, like grass?” Then it dawned on me. “Oh. You’re hungry?”

“That usually comes after.” She smiled innocently.

Well…

This is going to be interesting.

Author's Note

Don't take this too seriously. I'm not.

Write and read to have fun after all.